I need to blow off some steam, so you get to read this. Back out now if you want.
I haven't wanted to write in about two months. This worries me. I've forced myself to write, but I just can't get myself to do it anymore. I've had a lot going on in my life of late, but I can't help but feel like it's more than that. I feel like there is simply a mental block that refuses to let me be happy. I can sometimes peek through the cracks of this wall and see what it's like to be happy, but I can't genuinely feel it for longer than a few hours at best.
I feel like I'm putting others before me, really. I know that I shouldn't, but I like to please people. It's pretty much the only thing keeping me from going completely off the grid for a while.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just off. It could be stress. It could be something else. Who knows? I'm pretty much just going to post this for attention, even though I'm not sure if I really want the attention that this'll bring. I hate drama so much.

http://www.squishable.com/pc/squish.....Squishable+Fox
I want one! :3

Fave this image: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4472920/
Save the tigers! Tigers are wonderful and have buttsecks with sissy fopsies. Not that I know any...
Seriously though, the more faves on that image, the more money is donated to the WWF to save the tigers. It's a great cause! Do eet!

Rant time. You have been warned.
If you're going to rp with me, something I greatly encourage because I love doing it, you should at least do it right. I am getting really sick of a certain fur (who's probably not even going to read this, hence why I'm ranting about it here) who doesn't get, no matter how much I tell him, that I am not a dom. I'm not going to dom him all the time. I can dom at times, but I can't constantly do it. And that's not even the worst part. Apparently, I rp too quickly for him. He wants it to take twenty minutes just to take his pants off. It takes us two hours just to get him diapered! Is it so hard for people to comprehend that they are rping with another person who also has needs?
I need a break, but it's just impossible. *sigh*

Three names you go by, other than your given name:
1. Andlat
2. Emma
3. Babybutt

Three screen names you've had:
1. Andlat
2. Refen’lali
3. EmptyF1

Three physical things you like about yourself:
1. Butt
2. Eyes
3. Legs

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. My plumpitude
2. feet
3. thighs

Three parts of your heritage:
1. Finnish (50%)
2. German
3. Other random bits

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. :blush: Cinderella Panties
2. T-shirt
3. Shorts

Three favorite bands/musical artists:
1. Avantasia
2. Edguy
3. Ayreon

Three favorite songs: (Oh, here comes the proof that I’m gay!)
1. Birth to My Creation – Frankenstein, A New Musical
2. No Good Deed - Wicked
3. I’ll Cover You (Reprise) - RENT

Three things you want in a relationship: (SO tempting to say ‘cock’!)
1. Understanding
2. Acceptance
3. Love

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you:
1. butt
2. eyes
3. hair

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Writing (except for recently…)
2. Movies
3. Sleep (Totally a hobby the way I do it)

Three things that scare you:
1. Being forgotten after I’m gone
2. Heights
3. The Dark

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. My three plushies (I could have just said, Alex, Kit, and Jake for these three. :3)
2. My iPod
3. A method of telling time. (If I don’t know what time it is, I get weird)

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Egypt (It’ll technically be a working vacation)
2. Auschwitz (I don’t have enough German guilt or enough Jewish guilt.)
3. India (My sister went and I’m so jealous)

Three nicknames you dislike:
1. Chloe (Sorry, Hunter)
2. Fister (It’s a RL one…)
3. (Can’t really think of a third…)

Three careers you have considered/are considering:
1. Professor of Egyptology
2. Politician
3. Author

Three ways you are stereotypically a man:
1. I don’t do emotions (in most cases)
2. I like to think of myself as indestructible.
3. I have a penis. (Sorry, I’m snarky)

Three ways you are stereotypically a woman:
1. I like the cock.
2. I honestly need to feel loved (at times)
3. I like to feel pretty (at times)


Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Build a following
2. Be completely babied by someone for a day.
3. Get married to the man I love. (Once I find him)

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
1. Cry (For some reason…)
2. Get diapered. (Damn roommates!)
3. Go on a trip to some unknown place.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1670227/
That pretty much explains it all. Enter contest, maybe win some free porn of your character. What are you waiting for? Get to it!
Make sure you mention me if you do go through with it. Shadow lists it in the details.

Idea is here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1644857/
As you may or may not know, Saturday is Commentor Appreciation Day, so I just wanted to take a moment beforehand to say that I appreciate everyone who follows me and comments on my work. It really does keep me going! I may not be on on Saturday, seeing as I've really got to pack before moving back to college on Monday(!), so now I've said it! Thank you, whoever you are, for commenting on my work. It is greatly appreciated!

Okay, well... I really hate my writing style right now, so that's why I haven't accomplished much lately. I mean, everything's working right. I just don't like the style of my writing at the moment. I've tried changing projects a few times, but nothing seems to work. I just don't feel like writing right now. It used to be that I felt obligated to write for those few who read my stories and comment, but now I can't even convince myself to write for them. Maybe I just need some new kinks, I don't know. This is more for my own good than anything else. I don't even know if I'll post this. (I suppose if you're reading this, I did post it, so...) I can already predict the comments that I'm going to get, but if you feel so possessed, please go ahead and comment.

[01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?

Nope, I'm just going to fill this out for fun.

[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?
Meth is a hell of a drug, so probably not.

[03] Abortion: for or against it?

I'm a fascist, but even controlling a woman's body is too much for me.

[04] Do you think a country would fail with a female president?

A vagina automatically makes you a failure? Tell that to Angela Merkel!

[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?

Murdering a murderer is still murder.

[06] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?

Yes, for the simple fact that the government could then tax it and make a great deal of income.

[07] Are you for or against premarital sex?

Personally, I dislike premarital sex, but seeing as I can't get married in my state, that may change.

[08] Do you believe in God?

Absolutely.

[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?

Yes. I've always dreamed of married life, but my tastes don't run toward the current norm...

[10] Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
As an anthropologist, I have a good idea of what is going on in Mexico, so it's our fault indirectly. I wish that they could immigrate via a more legal route, but my paternal ancestors didn't come here legally. They just showed up and took the land they wanted.

[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?

Twelve? It depends on how supportive her family is, but I really think that the baby should be put up for adoption. The girl can't even get a full-time job, so how can she support a child?

[12] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?

An eighteen year old can die for his country, so why not? Besides, a lot of eighteen year olds already drink.

[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off?

Seems a little late.

[14] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?

If the person is of sound mind and has a terminal disease and they want to do it, go for it.

[15] Do you believe in spanking your children?

I was spanked as a child and now I'm a babyfur. Do with that what you will.

[16] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?

Yes. The American flag has far more faith put into it than is put into the government itself.

[17] Who do you think would have made a better president? McCain or Obama?
Why is this question formatted the way it is, as though neither became president?
Anyway, Obama is doing pretty much what I expected when I voted for him. No one is the perfect president and it's impossible to know how McCain would have done as president.

[18] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
You're reading this on a furry site. I should be judging you!

So, I was just writing one of my many projects when I realized something: I cannot write masturbation sequences. I mean, it works and all, but since this particular sequence has little to do with the plot at large, other than a sort of perverse character development, I just don't seem to give it the je ne sai quoi it deserves.
Speaking of which, I am considering dividing this particular project into a few parts, so if I do go through with that, part 1 may be up very soon.

Wow. Just wow. Quite possibly the best animated film, if not film, that I've seen in some time. I can hardly even put into words how much I loved it.

The hard drive on which "A Trip to Betty's" was stored is kaputt. Therefore, the only bits I have are what I posted already and the brief synopsis that I wrote up this morning from memory in the immediate aftermath of the hard drive crash. I looked into data recovery, but it is far too expensive to even consider, so the story is currently postponed indefinitely while I get my computer troubles figured out. Thanks for your patience!

I know I said I'd finish "A Trip to Betty's"by my birthday, but...

My birthday's on Sunday. There's no way it's going to be done. I'm working on it, but it's hard to find time to get into the right mood. We'll see how the next few days go, but I'm not making any promises. I'm just not feeling it right now.

Well, the semester's winding down and next week's finals but I love you all so much that I find time to steadily work on "A Trip to Betty's". I'm at approximately the halfway mark, and it's at about nine thousand words, so this'll be a long one, but I think I've already mentioned that. I really want to get this done as part three is basically written, but I can't do that until I finish part two, so...
As you all have probably noticed, I've also been writing more of the 150 word challenge, so at least I'm getting something done!
My current goal is to have "A Trip to Betty's" done by my birthday at the end of the month, but that might just be a shot in the dark.

I'm working on it, I promise! My classwork has just decided that it needs more of my attention than earlier, so T.J. and Teddy kind of get pushed to the side. Add to that the fact that I cannot seem to just focus on a single project (I currently have about 25 in-progress stories in varying degrees of completion and/or quality).
Bottom line, I'm working on it!

Has it really been two weeks since I wrote "Teddy"? Time certainly is flying. "A Trip to Betty's" is advancing slowly but surely, currently coming in at 6,008 words. "Teddy" finished out at a mere 874 words, so the sequel is just a tad bit longer. The sequel, of course, is showing no signs of ending yet, but I am considering dividing it into more than one chapter, just so that I can give you something to read while I work.
Interestingly, I've got the third installment all planned out, and I'm actually considering ways to release that before "A Trip to Betty's", but I don't foresee that working at all. "A Trip to Betty's" is necessary for the third part. The third part has a provisional title, but that need not be revealed right now.

That's really all there is right now, so I suppose I'd better return to writing before my roommate returns. I really hate writing with him in the room. My creative process requires me being alone.

So... I broke down and bought myself a tail. It's pretty awesome, except my roommates are oddly fascinated by it.

There really is no point to this journal. It's my first day back from spring break so I'm pretty much wiped out right now. I guess I'll return to doing menial tasks just for the sake of feeling my tail bounce around. I'm like a kid at Christmas mixed with his exhausted parent who is trying to get into the spirit, but can't.

Today, I received a message from someone who had read my stories. This reader praised my stories, but they were curious why diapers were such a constant in my stories. I feel like my answer, while by no means an actual "answer" to the question, should be posted here in my journal, just in case there are others who are curious as to why I like diapers.

Diapers have always done it for me. I've been a babyfur/diaperfur since I first became a part of the fandom and diapers continue to do it for me. Being forced into diapers is just so humiliating and it signifies a complete loss of control, becoming completely dependent on the dom. Naturally, this is just why I like writing about diapers. Why I like them most likely has some deeper psychological reason.

So, there you go. If you've ever been curious, there's my answer. I suspect that many others feel the same way that I do, but it is good to see it spelled out for anyone who's curious. I suppose I should get back to the sequel to "Teddy", which I've entitled "A Trip to Betty's".

So, after discovering over the past few days that I've somewhat lost a special interest in many of the things that have been included in my stories of late (diapers, bondage, sissy, etc.), today I just started writing and well, I've discovered something interesting. Sudden transitions between kinky stories turn me on. It's along the same lines as what happens in Spring, but even more extreme. Like middle of the sentence extreme. I hope that makes sense...
Give me a few days and I'll show you what I mean. "Birthday" is coming...

It seems really small-minded of me, but I really don't like it when someone goes into a big long spiel about what a story I wrote is about and then get it horribly wrong. I mean, "Spring" is pretty darn straight forward, but this guy completely misses the point and goes into a big long spiel about how it has the same tone as "The Riddle". "The Riddle" is freakin' insane! "Spring" is just a fun little mindbender. They are not related in any way in my mind and I wrote them. Maybe J.D. Salinger had the right idea... I don't know. I'm really emotional right now. Today was awful, so I'm on the verge of tears and then I get people misinterpreting my work and expecting me to pat them on the head. I write for myself first. (as evidenced by the tons of unpublished material on my computer) If I want to share, I do, but I really don't need you to do an analysis that makes it seem like you only scanned the story.
Just to be clear, it is no one on this site. I love getting comments from people who genuinely enjoyed reading it. But if you are going to go all "I've taken a college lit class, so I can analyze your story", maybe you should be putting your talents to a different use than stories on a fetish site.
Gosh, this is a rant...

I just happened to look at the number of page views I have. It's a lot higher than I would ever expect! 1104!

The Rules: This is fun to do. Just read the 'offense' and if you've done it, you owe that fine.
You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.
NOTE: fines to be added once, not for how ever many times you have done it. And be honest.

Smoked weed -- $10
Did acid or pills -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace/Facebook/Bebo/FA? etc -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Cross dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive and drank -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a vehicle while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video or took pictures -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in public -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex --$25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars-- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under the age accepted by rule of thumb (half your age plus 7) -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time-- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Pissed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80


I really haven't done enough, I guess...

That is all.

Have you ever wanted to ask me something, but thought it too weird to have your username tied to it? No? I didn't think so.
Should you ever come up with something like that... I promise to be completely honest. Just go to the link below, it probably won't hurt much.
http://formspring.me/Andlat


I'm just really bored right now...

I doubt anyone will read this, but I just need to get it out.
Today, my sister and I went to the mall for Christmas shopping. I found the perfect gift for her and purchased it as such. Barely an hour later, I discovered that she had bought the exact same thing for herself right then. Seriously? Who goes Christmas shopping and then does that? Am I just crazy or is it selfish to get something for yourself when you are shopping for other peoples' gifts? I am just really hurt right now, not only because of this, but just about everything right now. Twenty-four hours ago, I was all excited for the holidays, but now I just want to escape from everything.
I'm hurt by this a lot more than I probably should be, but I still think she was just really selfish. Am I crazy?