I've changed my FA Name to match my DeviantArt name.

Other than that, nothing much is going on, I've lost my willpower to draw long ago. However, I still hang out with a few folks in chat every so often, and if you want to join in, send a friend request on discord, just state that you came from here.

See you next time :3

Just turned 32 today :3

Been doing other hobbies right now hence my inactivity on FA, however I do keep faving and commenting stuff and chatting to people on discord, I just don't have an art mindset atm.

Turning 31 today :3

This is the first birthday I'll get to partially spend in a house of my own, so this one is going to be special. Hope you guys will also have a nice Sunday :3

Thanks for everything.

The time has arrived, for the next 2 weeks of vacation from work I got, I will be staying at my new house, alone and with an incredible 200Mbps internet. There are some shortbacks though, I will eat lunch and dinner at mom's (Still gotta learn to cook and shit) and the house makes me sweat a bit for some reason. But this is a dream come true, after so much hard work.

For people who know me enhough to have me on discord, I now answer discord calls, just be moderate about it x3

Thank you everyone for the support :3

Haven't written a journal in nearly a year, so here goes:

Artwise I haven't gotten the spark to draw again, despite having several good ideas. Funds are low for commissioning due to ongoing stuff going on with my new home. Basically, there was a lot of constructions work done for the new house, ranging from a new bathroom, to repainting the walls and replacing the doors, as well as fixing the plumbing and power around the place. And the place is still not done yet, as it's mostly empty. In about a month or two I will be able to getaway into the new place, assuming all goes well.

As for my job, been doing ok at my job, this month will be the 30th month employed in a row.

I have very little to write atm, just know if you want to talk to me, I'm still on discord or telegram. Just let me know you came from FA.

Thank you.

On 5 September 2022, I have done the scripture to my new personal house, which means that I have my own home now. I've been daydreaming about getting my own home since I was 13 years old, and wish I could have done this sooner, but it is done, and I am still quite overwhelmed about it, since most of my life was just dissapointments until very recently.

The house will need a lot of work, new bathroom, new paintjob due to humidity issues, and a few other things that will cost me lots of money, but I will manage over time.

Here's to a brighter future.

First of all, I know I haven't been active for a long time. This is because I struggle to find motivation to do artwork. Between how long it takes to get a pose right or the anatomy correct, to events that are unfolding this decade, including my first stable job, and more recently, the upcoming house purchase, but more on that some other journal.

I've posted two artworks this year, one was a new icon for Ish, something I wanted commissioned at first, but realizing nobody would do it, I did it myself, and I was happy at all the nice words of encouragement I got from you guys when I posted this icon. Specially since it was simply flatcolored and was a drastic (optional) change for Ish. And I probs won't forget the general reaction to Volkrom, you guys were so nice that I feel guilty for not drawing in so long. But my art mood is still very shaky and inspiration is very limited and very hard to come by, so I'll still be struggling. It's kind of a brain issue, and idk how to actually fix it and get motivated to do more art. I guess it'll come with time.

All this to say, sorry I've been "dead" here, I've just been in a deep dark hole that I'm trying to crawl out of.

Thanks for the support :3

This journal might fall into deaf ears, but here goes:

I'm looking for an artist who can draw an icon of my mascot, Ish. Though I'd like him drawn without his mask. I'd like a stoic expression of him, one that clearly indicates he's on this world for his own deeds. I would like an artist who's better than I am, as I'd like the icon to be put in places I'm in, like discord, FA and such. My budget is between 10€-20€, no more than this.

If anyone knows a person that fits the bill, do tell me. I'll be patient and choose carefully who will do my icon, I want one that sticks with me for years.

Thank you :3

EDIT 2022.06.07:  draco-rex offered to do it, but he is busy right now. I'll update over the next few weeks. He's done one of my previous icons so I can trust him to do something really cool. :3

EDIT 2022.07.09: Decided to make one myself, it's been too long.

And I really enjoyed it :333 Characters were badass, I've always loved warriors and these vikings were no diffrent, I also loved the revenge plot, revenge films are almost all awesome to me, and it's one of the few films where I preferred the hero to the villain, he looks bigger in the film than he does in the promotional posters, which is hella nice :3 The film does get wierd sometimes, so be prepared for it. Overall, a pleasant experience, and for once, IMDB agrees with me :3

I don't have much else to say without spoiling the whole thing, so yeah, I reccomend it :3

mfw so many good things said about me and my performance in the job I'm at during the team building dinner... Kinda overwhelmed atm. This after almost a decade of struggling to find a stable job. It was worth it, but the trip there was... the bumpiest ride.

I've been at my current job for 1 year 1 month and 1 week atm. Soon I'll be getting a loan for my future home. It's a matter of time now, and perseverance.

If you're wondering about art... I can always get back into it, but now is not the time. Maybe when I get that rare spark and start my artistic hobby all over again. For now I'm focusing on my other hobbies and my job. Real life matters as I have a checkered flag in sight now.

Thanks for helping me in keeping me sane, FA. You guys, You, gave a hand in helping me get to where I am now.


By the way, if I happen to forget, this month marks 10 years since I designed Ish(khaelro) as a character and mascot. And he fits me just as well as he did a decade ago, perhaps slightly more.

I'm still around, just haven't the will to draw at all. Thinking about drawing something makes me feel like it's a chore, and at worst, kinda nauseous. I actually have good ideas but I feel like I'd be forcing myself.

I don't know why. I guess this is more of a cry for help rather than a journal, and I know it's futile to write this.

But at least it replaces this 9 month old journal that preceeded it. Didn't even write one for my birthday back in October... damn.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Share the joy around, so many are needing it.

Well I haven't drawn in a year... Sorry folks, but I kinda lost the will to draw. If anyone knows a way to get me back into art, I'm all ears, but for now, I'm a collective meh. About my job, it's actually going a lot better than my previous one, I haven't been yelled at yet. I've been doing my work well. It's day 45 and I am not stressed out before work, been mostly chill, and I'm successfully completing my tasks. I feel it's going to be diffrent this time, but nobody knows the future... My current record is 99 days, If I hold out until May I'll break the record, hopefully :)

I apologize for being dead here. It's just... I don't have the spark atm.

Acquired new IT job recently, been 2 days in it. Here's hoping I last longer in that one. I should really start being more active on the picarto streams I know, rather than just tuning into twitch every day. I binge twitch too much tbh. I haven't the mood to art as you folks know, and I have zero motivation to get back into it, but I may get commissions going if I get this job going with no issues. I barely went 3 days without an issue at the old job, and it's because I wasn't auto-didact enhough then. In this job they're "teaching me to fish", and I seem to be understanding the concepts. Here's hoping.

Hopium is a drug that affects me strangely. If I have no hope, things go my way somehow, if I do... things don't. idk why.

Happy annual big number change, folks, hope the next big number will be more cheerful to you than the last big number. As a pessimist, no matter what big number is up there in the YYYY position, I feel things won't get better anytime soon. But that's just me.

After this project I am doing atm at work I'm getting laid off because they said they don't have any projects that fit my profile right now. Which means after this whole thing is done I'm jobseeking again. I'm not even crying. I am just a bit dissapointed. But ehhhh. With all I learned these past 3 1/2 months, I'll enter the next job with a better foundation.

Here's to a better 2021.

Normally I'd write a journal on how my job is going, but it's a miracle that I've stood for 90 days so far, given my coworker and mentor calls my code bad because I admittedly lack the skill to make perfect code. So idk how much longer I'll be standing for. idk. If I make it past december though, I'll be thankful for passing the experimental period.

We'll see.

But this whole "common flu turned into a catastrophe" has driven me insane, I've had to work from home and it nearly killed my job, because I am just not a work from home person. I thankfully managed to switch back to presential work after 2 weeks and it's like a recovery. I'm so tired of seeing most things closed or with huge lines, and I don't think I have the mental fortitude to stand this any longer.

Ugh.

Turned 28 years old today :)

Thanks for all the support despite my semi-dead activity here. I'm trying to balance work and leisure, and just have not been feeling like art as of late. I'll probably shuffle a few bucks into commissioning people next month if I feel like it and have a good idea and someone cheap and good. But don't take things I write literally, as I fail to keep promises on FA.

For those willing to have a deeper talk, send me a discord invite. Just say you came from this journal so I can trust you. Who knows, maybe you can motivate me to draw...

It's going decently, been getting compliments, but also been yelled at for mistakes. I've learned to be more proactive and I've also learned too much about CSS styling. idk how since my job heavily revolves around React.js. It seems like things are mostly positive atm, but nobody knows the day after.

Art update: Still no mood. I might commission someone if I am motivated enhough for it.

And I'd say I've learned way more in a week than in a whole semester of University. I had to learn React.js, Webservices and the structure of Front and Backend in just 3 days, and after that, I started doing some real work on a real project, which was website design. And given that I've done it before for a real company in the dark ages of internships, it's impressive to learn how modern web design works, and how much easier it is, specially using Material UI.

As for the environment and people, it's pretty laid back, but they expect learning and progress. They expect you to learn fast, but are generally friendly about it. They told me I was doing well this first week, so the expectation is that I'll be doing more intricate things over the course of this job. Hopefully stress doesn't get me during a hard point.

Just an update on life, of course my art mood is a big zero right now, and I have no clue when, or even if I'll ever feel like drawing again.

Got a call yesterday where a company has officially has hired me for a Developer job. It's the first time an IT company has hired me, and I'm honestly nervous because I know I'll be put to the test really hard and that I must be in top shape. I don't know if I'll last long or not, but if I do, it's the opportunity I was looking for for the last 9 years.

Starting from 1 September you won't be seeing me much during the european daytime. I'll still be on in the evening and night. This of course means commissions will remain closed until I can balance work and leisure properly. The reason I'm not making as big of a fuss as I should is because I'm insecure about all this, given what happened 4 years ago where I couldn't adapt to a warehouse job. Here's hoping their quasi-SCRUM methodologies will keep me from being lazy.

But still, it's unbelievable that this has happened in the middle of the worst economic/health crisis since the last century. Makes me wonder what I've been doing wrong a decade ago... idk.

As I have zero motivation to draw at this current time, I'll be closing commissions for an indeterminate time. Of course I'll still be active on discord.gg and other stuff I use. This is a period of bad art mood that I must go through on my own it seems, since it's usually how I get back on track.

Hopefully I'll get back on my feet soon-ish.

I have graduated on Computer Engineering, got a 14/20 at Networks 3. Thank fuck, I was getting really stressed out about all this, but it's finnaly done. :3

I'll art soon, gonna need motivation.

I'm fine
Just need to know my 2nd attempt at Networks 3's results
And I've lost my art mood I was building up.

idk why I can't get motivated to art anymore. I need motivation. Maybe I'll ressurect Iron Artist August this year... maybe not. idk.

...