I'm saying it a bit early because I'll be gone for a while... I need to be, for homework and such.

I'm sorry I've been unproductive.

I'm feeling...thank-y. c<o.o;c SFW or not, any's oke.

It was a bit chilly outside, not cold, but not at all warm either. Enough to force me into a sweatshirt. I like this weather. I like when Autumn isn't just summer but with a little more color. And hopefully this winter won't be summer with less leaves.
The best part of walking was the sky, and its effect on everything. It ranged from a dusty dark yellowish grey to bluish grey and dark grey. You know, the colors in such conditions are darker, but also more rich, and highlighted by shadow. The trees range from bright green to dark green, dark blue-green, duller green, and yellow green. Some yellows and reds coming out too. A few pine trees; one was all orange. The last few months, a lot of neighbors have been cutting down their trees. I don't really approve, but oh well. It is a different feeling without them; more sparse and lonely. Though it is very different from my childhood neighborhood, no trees, and it always being sunny. Very few of the trees are seeing their leaves fall rn. I love leaves all over the grass. And in the streets. Broken branches, puddles, etc. I know it's not exactly good but I like when people leave out old broken furniture and appliances too. Gives a feel of decay that is somehow comforting.
The way everything looked was similar to a lot of modern movies. I don't like watching most movies made in the last ten or twenty years for their looks, so ugly, washed out, and high-definition, but the blue and green filters and such often used are, admittedly, very close to what I love in reality. I wish every day could be like this.
My house was one of only a handful actually decorated. We put a bunch of pumpkins, most fake, and some 20+ year old cartoony props of monsters up. Not much, but it was something. Most houses that bothered had maybe a pumpkin or a grave. I liked the house that had spider webs, a cemetery, ghosts and some zombie nailed to the tree. Halloween doesn't really exist anymore as far as I know. We only got two tiny groups of trick-or-treaters in the span of 30 minutes around 6pm, and they both lived right next to us; drove out for the rest of their night. I loved being dressed up with a few others, and seeing dozens of bands of ghouls and monsters roaming the neighborhood, all of us going to every house we could walk to for hours.
I remember having seen, about a week ago, a faceless scarecrow sitting on a porch of one house; completely undecorated. I thought some old man was sitting outside at 7am. Made me jump when I saw it then, till I realized it wasn't a person. Thing is, is it's nowhere to be found now.

The Gaelic one.

Have a happy Hallowe'en today. Nothing but the spookiest and best. And no sleep tonight! 83

Here's a song for today.
https://youtu.be/U-yYG00Nr8I

a comment or a favorite, from one of you all, it makes me so happy. I feel so special. Oftentimes it takes me so long to respond because I need time to relieve myself of all the emotion. It's scary. But, it's certainly heartwarming and appreciated. I just wanted to tell you all that. 8//3


I also want to announce I'll be mostly inactive Mondays and Tuesdays.

The above's how many ~365 day intervals ending on the same calendar day have passed since I was let off into this world, my mom pissed at the time that Hole was playing in the room. That was embarrassing.
I am glad I finally decided to breathe after a while. I didn't feel like it sometimes. There were also a few other problems, but most of those got fixed early. I had a twin, but they didn't make it, a few days before I was born. It's not like my mom hadn't tried before, but well, I'm glad her first husband, and my dad also, weren't Henry VIIIs. At least she was given the joy of raising one child, who turned out to be this particular cat.

Have a happy and safe day. 83

For Music X, not ten, but thirteen links!

KAT - Róże miłości najchetniej przyjmują się na grobach
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-ncV_2F_UQ&list=OLAK5uy_k6YqlVnrqYRK89uKTYYj5-atrceYciQXM&index=1
Hällas - Hällas
https://youtu.be/YOMOXLoaxDQ
Pagan Altar - Mythical and Magical
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksoE9jDb-wQ
Ancient - Svartalvheim
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnTnBNZumM0
Seikima II - Akuma Ga Kitarite Heavy Metal
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?li.....ZWtRu6elFt1nTU
Turbo - Kawaleria Szatana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2kqyOiWaFk
Saracen - Heroes, Saints and Fools
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SIYMON3ThU
The Seeds - Selftitled
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gKtOGpAAkE
The Witching Hour - Exhumation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7Wa3pz0KGI
The Meatmen - We're the Meatmen, And You Suck!
https://youtu.be/4zUukDKOxt4
Song
https://youtu.be/BoslmADDBt0
Black Widow - Sacrifice
https://youtu.be/LbfZyYLX8Lk
Arany Zoltan - Medieval Music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1jUxPkKd38

I hope you all are doing well. 83

Oh yeah. Yesterday marked the fifth year anniversary of me being here. A full half-decade. 83

But I've really liked this album, all the songs are good, half are awesome; a very rare thing indeed.
https://youtu.be/z2Ek_FDdQTs

Also, I'm going to implement a new rule for myself. No social interaction online Sunday and Monday, and limited interaction on Tuesday, starting next week. I hate being an asshole, and I feel like one saying it, but I need time, not just one day, every so often without people. It's draining. I can't deny that. I mean no offense, but I'd feel a lot better having that time set out each week.

with my comments given. Not sorry. I didn't like all the people that died anyway, they weren't funny enough.

I haven't done a journal of music in a bit. Here's some I really like. 83

Ashbury - Endless Skies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rb7d_zque0

Wolf - Edge of the World
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apmXAfwdb_Q

Candlemass - Tales of Creation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGHcrR7X1bE

Devil - Time To Repent
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsSCFhcJOMM

Killers - Resistances
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0t0HqbTtt0

Bonuses
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Csjx6FtjzM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t37lCvajVOs

And it isn't even the 4th quite yet, it's so loud lol. Have a happy day of Independence tomorrow (or today if you're reading on the day).

Do something wacky!

for stuffed animals to sit. I am proud of my handiwork

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....042/image0.jpg

I'm not 100% sure on it, and there are a couple of errors, but you can get the general gist.
I used Every Noise At Once for the ones I didn't know or forgot how they sounded like, because of lot of these I just forget, because I don't care enough about them. Also I lot I didn't add because I don't consider specific languages or lyrical themes to be a different genre, like "Viking Metal" or "J-Pop." 8P
https://twitter.com/DrewzieKitten/s.....438849/photo/1

Tonight I went with my dad to eat and go to my grandma's house. I haven't seen my dad in a long time due to testing. Now, it was pretty standard (except some weird ass stories but there's always those) until the ride back, when I got the idea to show him some newer metal.

For context, my dad's a punk through-and-through. He never likes any metal I show him. He calls it "gay" and "pretentious". As a teenager in the 80s, he did hear some of Sepultura, Overkill, Suicidal, etc. and kinda liked that, but in general, he always says he doesn't like metal. A few years ago on the trip to Austin, he showed me he actually liked Rammstein, so I showed him Korn and Disturbed because I had some cds with me I think. He kinda liked Disturbed but that was it.

I don't show him music every time, or even that often, but I have showed him a good bit. He's always brushed it off though, if it's true metal.

Well, tonight, I tried an experiment. He gave me his phone and I looked up Haunt. Not only did he not fuss about it, but he actually said he liked it. He added it to a playlist for his wife. I then tried Bullet, and he liked the music but not the vocals. He doesn't like AC/DC anyway, so whatever. Now I'm at a crossroads. I wanted to show him some power metal but I knew he'd call it gay if it was too fruity. So I went with Sabaton.

He still called it gay. But he also got really into it. He told me, "I never thought I'd say this, but I actually like some metal.", and added it to his work playlist. Wow. I finally made progress. It only took 9 or 10 years.

No, I don't have to worry about my mom. Her problem is that she doesn't like any band that isn't popular enough. And if a band doesn't have enough "OUGH"s and Pantera-ness, it's a 50/50 whether she'll say it's okay or terrible. I honestly don't understand it. lol

My hoodie got wet lol Also my pants, but these I only use for walking so whatever.

The dark grey skies are so peaceful; not threatening or painful at all. I love to look up at the sky, even if I'll get rain on my face like what happened over and over. The rain makes things a bit hazy, like a discount fog. The green of the grass is so deep under a grey sky. It feels like another world, a more inviting one, I feel more at home. The best part of all, besides the sky, is the wetness on the ground. I love having to step or jump over puddles, and for every corner to have a miniature river flowing through it. Such big puddles at the street crossings. Everything is so refreshing when it's all dampening.
Wind helps too, it makes it more...feely, is the best word I can describe it. The weather being disruptive is a good thing to me. It makes me focus on it, and makes me feel like I'm on an adventure. Being outside for hours in a thunderstorm was one of the best moments of my life, alongside being out in deep fog one dark morning. Thunderstorms are so abrasive, it forces you to protect yourself outside, you feel weighed down, similarly to being weighed down by blankets. Just not fuzzy. x3 I like wearing a big blanket around the house like a cloak or robe, that feeling of being weighed down, "inconvenienced" in a good way, a way to make use of it.
Lately we've been having so much rain, maybe Texas will be livable after all.

Well, we're not near summer yet...eugh, I dread.

I remember when my stepdad saw this after I showed him and my mom; he kept annoying her by randomly quoting the damn song for a few days.
https://youtu.be/mSnRq6iyHKg

Today's the first day I stepped in snow for the last seven years. Not cold outside, no, but there was a thin blanket of snow over everything; such a beautiful scene. And what a great way to have Valentines' Day take up. 83

Honestly, it is quite difficult to get myself to do digital art as opposed to traditional, which comes super easily to me, so I will be focusing on traditional, and some big digital projects you all won't see for a while, but mostly I want to get to traditional art. Once I get done with one more digital (sorry its' taking so long; this week I DO promise!), I will get to the aforementioned. I'm not retiring from digital, but I'll do it whenever, after this week. Maybe it will take a prominent role, maybe not. But it is something I want to get off my chest, because it is frustrating..

Anyway, Happy Valentines' Day, to all of you. I don't feel like I've been a good guy to watch, but I appreciate those who do stick around. We might not all be quite friends (though don't be shy to try 83), but anyone showing interest in my work is welcome at the get-go. I do love that you all are here; despite me not caring to please, I appreciate that I do.

On Tuesday, she got a shot to try and help her, but she only felt good for the few hours after. The next day, she didn't eat and tonight, she's passed on. I'll have to bury her in the morning. I'm happy, however, that Bubbles did get as much love as we could give her. She was such a lively kitten; running all over the place and even into walls. She got along well with Dottie, the rescue cat we had, who taught her how to really meow for food. My stepdad let her out, however, and she soon had kittens herself. Our little Cricket, Butch, Spanky and Pickles. Spanky passed on just over a year ago. We just have Cricket and Minky now.
Bubbles was a very sassy momma, but she liked me a lot. Even my mom couldn't cuddle her as much as I could. Still, Bubbles would often compete with Minky for sleeping spots with my mom. Bubbles also loved to lay on the floor; doing some weird superman pose. She was a good cat, and we all loved her. Our baby lintball is waiting, with her sweet baby. She really loved Spanky; he was a momma's boy.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....40/unknown.png

I'd hope you all had a great Christmas, and if not, then you're at least safe. And lastly, that your New Years' will be good too. 83

This year has been memed into legend as among the worst of all time, when that's likely just a major exaggeration brought about by the internet. However, that doesn't mean a lot of people haven't been harmed this year. There's been a virus, lockdown, and the emotional and environmental fallout of this, along with a stressful political climate. People don't seem happy, so while this year is probably not all that bad on paper, it certainly feels that way to many.

I have to say, however, that I've found this year more of a mixed bag. Last year was an emotional wreck for me, when even the year I cried every night and considered suicide was considered much more tolerable. This year, however, has many positives and negatives for me.

On the bad side, those awful feelings from last year haven't disappeared. That combined with the lockdown eventually made me so unfocused and disoriented that I did very poorly in scheduling and my classes. I didn't fail anything, but I did worse than I should've. Also, Bubbles got sick in the early part of the year, much like Spanky. Her behavior, however, isn't the same as his was. I hope that she isn't in pain, and will be with us for more precious moments.

On the good side, I have certainly felt better. I've actually been unafraid through most of the year. I also have plans ready for next year; exercise, art, etc. This is also the biggest year for movies for me. I've watched over one hundred movies this year; a major accomplishment compared to the one-or-two the last near decade. I've probably watched more movies this year than I ever have before. I also actually played video games to a small extent. Still hard to really get into after a while, unfortunately, but they haven't been left to just rot like the last two years.

Next year, I hope to get a job, exercise more, read my books and play more games and write more, maybe even make art and even commissioning artists a scheduled thing, idk. I didn't get a calendar for Christmas, so I'll have to get one myself, but I did mostly well this year with mine. It really helps me.

That's about all I have to say about this year. Sorry for so many journals this month. I just had a lot to say. I hope someone likes reading what I want to say today. Good day, and good next year. 83

So today was rainy. I have to do a final but it's just one short essay question that I've already answered before. It's not bad. It wasn't raining an hour ago, so I decided to go out. It was kinda chilly but I quickly got used to it. Still, I was worried about my Walkman, so I put it in my pocket. Thing kept skipping, so I took it out whenever I felt it wasn't going to get wet. It did rain slightly, a drizzle. I loved walking in it, watching the rain go and create a slightly hazier air; just had to keep my Walkman in the pocket. Whenever it's wet it's fun to jump over large puddles, and step over smaller ones.
I've noticed something over this autumn. I actually do quite like having the changing colors and deciduous trees. Honestly, I was ambivalent at first, because I keep hearing how people like it, so my brain tends to go into contrarian mode. I still don't like it being omnipresent, but a good mixture is nice. I like the bright orange tree in the front lawn, the dark orange/brown one on the neighbor's, the green one way back, yellow shrubs or whatever, and all the fallen leaves. When walking, I liked looking at all of them, most of them had many leaves missing, and I like the occasional evergreen.
The rain and clouds really brings out the color; but not in an eye-piercing way that the sun does. I should get into the habit of wearing shades whenever I go out in the sun, but today was not the day to try that. The color and light of the clouds and dampness is soothing, and makes me feel alive and happy.
We may not get snow around here this year, maybe not for many more years, but a few rainy days makes up for it, I guess.

I hated this semester; excepting the Historical Geography class, all the rest had something that pissed me off about them. From the unnecessary lockdown quizzes (where you must show your face, id card, and whole room to the system) in Philosophy to the barely needed reading of a few things in Anthropological Theory to the annoying classes about How to Be A Good Team Member, Global Citizen bullshit and so on (seriously that shit makes my soul feel crushed; I hate it and constantly had a middle finger in mind) and unnecessary election assignment from my Historical Research class, this semester had decent class subjects but it was annoying and the fact of it all being online was just bad. I like actually going a real place. Makes me feel alive and makes having a schedule easier.

But at least it's almost over. The holidays are also close by. I have some things planned. I'd hope all of you are also alright. 83

I turned 22 on the 16th. Only thing to really close it off will be a trip to the arcade but the three times trying have ended up badly. Have to see this coming weekend..

Still, I got Goldeneye 007 for the N64; the second game I've ever played in my life actually. I haven't even seen it since 2006 or 7; not long since I was first introduced to video games in general. I was a little disappointed playing, that I didn't see the blood and such that I remembered making me so excited as a kid, but I enjoyed playing it enough. The only major game I now miss from the old collection (of about 5 games but well, it is a collection for us) is Donkey Kong 64.. I still need to set up my Gamecube too, so maybe I can this week or weekend.

Another thing major that I got was two documentaries; Lost in Castles' history and computer-recreation of two castles in Wales; Rhuddlan and Conwy. I absolutely loved the one on Middleham that I got a few years ago, so I had been putting these two on-list for a year now. What I really want to do is get my dvd player set up this week or weekend with the Gamecube. Then I can watch both and take notes. Also need to finish that course on the Late Middle Ages dvd as well.. (yeah I can use my Xbox-360 but I don't trust it because it's had lots of problems reading dvds the last few years, some coming out scratched so I don't trust if with dvds anymore, just games and that damn thing still fucks it up by overheating so quickly)

I am a bit sad that the summer passed by without travel (not that it isn't new, and it is more justified than usual but still). I was looking forward to Ohio. My mom said that she's open to going during winter or spring, and my dad is thinking about a hiking day-trip. I'd hope I get to go somewhere nice sometime soon.

I'd hope you all are doing well enough. 83

Again.

Stay safe and don’t get involved in the massive shitshow going on. If anything happens, be prepared. I’m sorry I can’t do much more than state the obvious, but oh well.

I’m also sorry I haven’t done much. I just don’t have it in me rn to do art. I will sometime, I just haven’t had the spirit nor do I know what I want to draw anyway and I apologize.

Pick any of these. Or all. Unless you don't like metal music in which case...what? I was looking through some things so I haven't heard any of these in a while. I found some others but these are just a few from today's look through.

https://youtu.be/DHzAwSB0mI0
https://youtu.be/i6l2majpe5o
https://youtu.be/GORUPSnB0xM
https://youtu.be/K3rZ2w85sZE
https://youtu.be/lgg2FXe5ZQE