a really sweet feline friend of mine, eliki has an aunt who was diagnosed last year with breast cancer. now that she's getting better, she's able to run the charity race in july, but needs help with the entrance fee...we are all such caring and compassionate furs that i know u guys will either donate or spread the word for others to help...

here's his journal, so u can read all of it...

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3320552/

just letting u guys know that i've been sick since friday...finally went to the dr today...i have some sort of viral infection...should be better in the next few days hopefully...

...to show a smile when all u wanna do is crawl into a corner, curl up, and cry?

i win today...i so win!

Jake (hubby) n i went to the casino this morning for a bit, since it was raining n we couldn't go do anything outdoors. We were joking that the guy opening the door looked like Tony Soprano, when he stopped me. He asked for my id. Yes, you heard that right. I WAS CARDED!!! *happy dance* Then, on the way home from the casino, we stopped at the gas station to get him some cigarettes, and the clerk carded me. Yes, I WAS CARDED AGAIN! *happy dance*

happy st. patrick's day from this irish kitty...yes, i be wearin o' my green today...don't wanna get my rump pinched today! headin to work but will post a pic later of my outfit *giggles*

be safe those who drink this day....do NOT drive, call a friend, call a family member, call a cab....

just got the results of my stress test, the last one in my list...apparently, the results for this one also were normal...so guess what? according to all the tests, there is nothing wrong with my heart or lungs, despite the fact that i have moments of breathing problems, chest pains, and elevated heart rate...

im just so tired of it all...so close to just giving up, dealing with whatever pain im in without telling anyone about it...

*squees like a lil kitten*

i has a storefront now!!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/AngelFyreCreations

well, i had it for awhile, but i now have stuff in it...check it out!

seein as how i've been posting unhappy journals lately, thought i'd post this...

snarfed and kittynapped from


Follow this to figure yours out:

A = French Kisser
B = Good Kisser
C = Will kick your ass
D = Very very easy for people to like you
E = Crazy as hell
F = Loves it hard
G = Can kick your ass
H = Freaking hot
I = Everyone's best friend
J = Hot
K = Crazy
L = Beautiful eyes
M = Very good kisser
N = Cool person
O = Different
P = The best at all sports
Q = An animal lover
R = Beautiful/handsome
S = Damn sexy
T = Easy to fall in love with
U = Will make you laugh till your sides burst
V = Most amazing kisser EVAR!
W = Makes people laugh
X = Never lets people tell you what to do
Y = Can be funny and dumb at the same time
Z = Loved by everyone

---

A = French Kisser
N = Cool person
G = Can kick your ass
E = Crazy as hell
L = Beautiful eyes

so tomorrow i head back to my dr to find out what to do next...so far, i've had an EKG, a CT scan, and a halter (heart) monitor...all have shown nothing wrong with my heart, except a fast beat...

please, please!!! i want to know what is wrong!!!! i want to know why i'm having problems, why i can't walk fast anymore without getting outta breath, why it hurts to bend over, why i get lightheaded n dizzy for no reason...

well, got a letter from the hospital today about my heart monitor results...my heart rate average was 94, and they said it was normal...well, if that's normal, why the hell am i still dizzy, lightheaded, and still having chest pains, difficulty breathing, and a racing heart???

the dr is supposed to call me back tomorrow to discuss the results...they better have another test or something they can give me or i'm gonna scream!

Stolen from

Where are you staying?
um, a hotel room? not sure which one tho *giggles*

Who will you be with?
let's see... and whoever else will be there...

Do you do trades?
well, thinkin bout bringin some of my beads...might do a bracelet-for-a-pic trade or something...

What suits will you have?
i don't have a whole suit...just have ears n a tail

Do you talk in suit?
don't have one

What is your gender?
last time i looked i was a girl

How old are you?
older than i look :P

Can I touch you?
depends on where u wanna touch me :P

Can I talk to you?
sure! i like talking...but be warned im a bit shy at first

Can I buy you lots of drinks?
um, i don't drink much

Can I give you lots of money?
um...that would be kinda weird :P

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
hugs are ok...snuggles are reserved for a select few :)

How tall are you?
5'6"

You look pissed off out of suit can I come up to you?
erm, i has no suit...if i look upset i might just need someone to talk to or a hug

Are you nice?
yeah, i think so

Are you cliquey?
no, not really

Can I stalk you?
um, i'd rather u not...

How long are you going?
thursday to monday i believe

Do you have an artist table?
nope, i'll be wandering around n stalkin my artsy friends :P

Do you like parties?
parties in general, yes...con parties, not so much...some i've been to have turned into orgies n big crazy events that freak me out...

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
um, come over n say hi...call out to me either Angel or Tonya...

i'm sorry
i'm sorry i can't be more
i'm sorry i can't be better
i'm sorry i can't be who i was
i'm sorry i'm only who i am now

anyone who has ever suffered from depression will understand what i just wrote up there...because of my medication (and now lack of) and what's been goin on with me health-wise, i've been down n my depression has been getting worse..i was going to do individual christmas cards for my closest friends, and didn't get them done...i wanted to do a valentine pic n didnt get it done...wanna work on my dr mew comic n haven't lately...i've worked a bit on my jewelry, but not to the extent that i'd like to...

this is the last journal i'm gonna do about this stuff, then i'm gonna go back to dealin with it on my own like i have been...the CT scan i got on my heart a couple weeks ago showed no blood clots in my heart...i still have breathing problems and a fast heart beat, along with all the other pain i've been goin thru...they took me off both my pain meds cuz it was thought they were the cause of my heart beat...my depression got worse, to the point i dont want to admit to...i'm still not up like i was before, but least i'm not down as far...i have times when im happy n upbeat, then i have times where i cuddle my stuffed tiger n cry on its head...i make my jewelry cuz it helps my depression n keeps my mind busy thinking about anything other than being down...

my sister is taking me down to the hospital tomorrow to get fitted for a heart monitor...i have to wear it for 24 hours, so they can figure out why my heart beats too fast...my sissy's gonna take me, cuz im scared to go alone, then we're gonna hang for the day before my appt...

i swear, its only the middle of feb, and i've already been to my primary n pain drs 5 times!!! with more appts to come...lucky me...least i have really good insurance...

i'm so sorry for not being here...a lot has been going on with me...

my primary dr took me off 1 of my fibro meds cuz i've been having heart problems n breathing problems...one of the side effects of the med was heart issues, so he figured if i was taken off it, my problems would stop...well, not exactly...my heart rate is still too high, and i'm still having problems catching my breath...

so, because he took me off 1 of my pain meds, i'm still having pains in my back & hips...my pain dr doesn't wanna put me on another med cuz the others also have side effects dealing with the heart...so, until primary dr gets my heart under control, i can't have any more pain meds...

the pill they took me off was also an antidepressant...so now i'm dealing with my depression coming back...it is getting a lil better, but a couple times in the past couple weeks, i sank low enough to have "those" feelings...the pain dr said i need to go see a psychologist or psychiatrist to deal with that...my primary dr told me my brain is just getting used to not having the medication helping me, and having to do the work itself...i hope he's right, cuz i don't wanna add yet another dr to my list...the fact that it's been cold, snowy, & overcast for awhile now isn't really helping me either...

with all this going on, i haven't had a chance or the creativity to do anymore work on my comic or do other pics...i'm so sorry to everyone who is waiting for their chance to be in my comic, or for pics...i feel so bad about letting u all down...i have several necklaces laying around also that need to be finished...maybe some day i'll feel like myself again and be able to do things that make me happy...

*curls up in a corner under my blankie*

ok, so some of u know that i've been having panic attacks n breathing problems the past few weeks...they havent gotten any better, so i went to the dr friday...i was worried about lung problems, but he said they sound fine...my heart is another matter...apparently, humans shouldn't have a heart rate of 97-100...he took me off one of my fibro pills, so now i only take one in the morning...unfortunately, i can already tell i'm having side effects or withdrawls or something from not takin it for 2 days...im sittin here ready to cry, my creativity is out the window, and i've been feelin down all day...*sighs*

====

on the plus side, i reinstalled poser, transferred my files, and now my Dr. Mew comic, as well as my other pics, can continue...

so soon as i feel up to it, i will continue on with my arts...

thanks for ur patience...

yeah, as u've probly noticed, i haven't really been here much...my pain is pretty much managed with the meds and the shots i got last month before christmas...however, i've been having a few issues with side effects again...i've been having quite a few panic attacks and anxiety attacks, like 10 in the past 2 weeks...been havin hot flashes too, which is really bad when they all happen at work!

i've also not been much in the mood for doing my art stuff...i know i posted my holiday pic, but i still havent gotten my holiday cards done yet...please don't hate me for being so late with them...

i'm really sorry if i haven't been around to chat with people, or answer comments...

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
-went to 2 furry conventions for the first time...FCN & AC
-sold jewelry
-

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
meh, haven't really made any resolutions cuz i never end up keepin them

3. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
hangin with friends

4. Did anyone close to you die?
yes, my daddy passed away march 5...my kitty was put to sleep august 7

5. What countries did you visit?
just the one i live in

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
my daddy back

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 3, my daddy went into the hospital...March 4 mom n sis n i made the decision to take him off life support...March 5 he passed away...

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
selling my first piece of jewelry to someone at work

9. What was your biggest failure?
my body...i've been havin more n more things goin wrong

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
found out i had fibromyalgia

11. What was the best thing you bought?
um, beads & jewelry making stuff

12. Where did most of your money go?
gas n food

13. What song will always remind you of 2011?
In the arms of an angel--Sarah McLaughlin

14. What do you wish you'd done more of?
spent more time with my dad

15. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sleeping instead of going to school... but it was so good!

16. What was your favorite TV program?
too many to list

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nope

18. What was the best book you read?
only books i read this year were jewelry making

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
um, nothing i can think of

20. What was your favorite film of this year?
never saw any movies in the theatre this year

21. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
37...had dinner with the family n opened presents n had yummy cake

22. What kept you sane?
my friends

23. Who did you miss?
my daddy n my kitty friskie

24. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
life is short, so tell those around u how u feel as often as u can

thank u for all the holiday wishes everyone...it was actually a relaxing kinda day...lots of good memories, few tears, laughter...ate a lot, got a lot of nice presents, spent time with my family...it was such a relaxing day...

after all the hell i've gone thru this year, with my dad passing and all my health issues, i'm really glad this year is almost over...i'd love to have something good happen soon...

i just ask a bit more patience as far as artwork from me...i'll be updating my files n hopefully able to finish my current chapter of Dr. Mew, as well as my holiday cards, and my holiday pic...

the part that doesnt blow is that a week ago, i got 2 of my christmas presents early....a new laptop n a wireless mouse...did have to install a bunch of stuff i had on my desktop so i can pack that one away...

the part that does blow is that i decided to open up poser to try working on my holiday cards...well, since i moved from one puter to the other, the files arent in the same drive letter as on the other puter...they are still on my external but its a diff port letter...

SO...i will have to go thru all the files i use a lot, and resave them...

oh crap...that means all my dr. mew files are gonna be messed up...

*sighs n curls up* damn, and here i thought life was starting to get better for me...

i'm so sorry everyone...i feel like a failure...i had every intention of doing individualized holiday cards for family n close friends, n i have only gotten a few done so far...i don't have any printed out...so now that means, since christmas is in a week, that they will not be ready in time...i havent even done my holiday pic for here or DA...

i've been in so much pain lately that i haven't really been in the mood to do much of anything...it hurts to sit too long, so i have to keep getting up n stretching...i'm so tired of this...hopefully the shot i'm getting tomorrow in my spine will help things out...

i'm really sorry for not being here lately...this is a crazy time of year for me at work...retail during the holidays is crazy, with long hours, early openings and late closings...

my pain has been getting worse...i have to go dec 19 for a shot in my lower spine...because of my fibromyalgia and herniated disc in my back, i've been having lots of problems with pain...my back, hips, knees, and now bottoms of my feet have been hurting a lot lately...hard to stand too long or sit too long...

with more pain comes more depression...with depression comes a lack of creativity...i'm working on my christmas cards, but need to pick up another ink cartridge before i can print them out...

i'm also making jewelry for a few friends for christmas...wish i could do a few commissions, but meh, such is life i guess...

this is also the first christmas without daddy...i know there are others out there who know how this feels...the firsts of everything are hard...i know i'll have to try n be strong that day, but i have a feeling im just gonna be a marshmallow all day...i can't be strong for too long, or i have a breakdown...those aren't very good at all...i almost didn't even put my tree up this year, but i did it anyway...

just please be patient with me...i hope soon i'll be back to my usual chipper self...

is it saturday yet? just finished (hopefully) a day from hell...as i was returning home from the grocery store, my front driver's side tire blew...a really nice guy helped (well, ok, he did all the work, i did all the crying n panicking) change the tire to the spare...a friend was there to follow me home...unfortunately, as i was pulling into the parking lot where he was, so he could follow me, the ball bearing on the same tire broke...after waiting over 1 1/2 hrs for towing company #1 to arrive, i called company #2, who got there in about 10 minutes...and because of this, i couldn't go to my dr appt...hopefully i can get in there next week...hopefully tomorrow will be better...

and yes, for those who know what's been goin on with me, i had a MAJOR panic attack when this happened...was shaking so bad could hardly turn the car off n open the door to see what happened...cried so much i don't think i have any tears left...

snarfed from


- What sort of artist would you most identify yourself as? -
well, i guess a 3D artist

- What would be your secondary identity? -
probly a jewelry maker & photographer

- What forms of art do you dabble in, but don't excel at? (Keep in mind, this could change!) -
well, i love drawing, but i'm not all that good at it like some here...

- How would you describe your 'style'? -
angel-rific! *giggles* it's my style, just don't know how to describe it

- What medium do you favor most? -
for my 3d stuff, i use Poser and PaintShop Pro...for my jewelry, silver chain and sparkly beads are my faves :)

- What medium do you need the most improvement in? -
i'd love to be able to draw better than i do

- What medium do you WANT to see yourself improve with, the most? -
would really like to improve with my jewelry making, and possibly sell some

- What are your favorite subject matters? -
um, lately for 3d it's been fluffy plushie type characters...

- What are your least favorite subject matters? -
sad things...

- List your Artistic Strengths -
im creative, passionate about what i do

- List your Artistic Weaknesses -
can't always take criticism very well

- Which of the above weaknesses would you most like to see improve? -
how i take criticism...i know it's not about me personally but something i need to do to make my art look better

- Adult Content. . . yes/no? -
i go thru periods of wanting to do adult stuff, and times when i don't wanna

- Adult Subject Matter you favor? -
me *giggles*

- Schooling/Training received in the arts? -
i have a BS in Photography, but i also took a year of art classes

- Schooling/Training you'd still like to have? -
would love to learn a few more techniques for jewelry making

- Would you consider yourself prolific, or a 'quality over quantity' sort of artist? -
i'd rather turn out 1 awesome pic a week than 7 ok pics in a week

- Would you considering yourself a Fine Artist, or a Commercial Artist? -
i think i'm pretty fine *giggles*

- Where would you like to be in five years? -
um, someplace without snow!

so, i had a question...

with the clay and bead (and soon feather and ribbon flower) jewelry i've been making n posting...does anyone think i should open up for commissions? i've got lots of crafting stuff around the house that i could make into necklaces, earrings, bracelets, pins, and even hair barrettes...

please lemme know what u think...

i've learned that if u don't expect good things, u won't be disappointed...in fact, i've learned that same thing many times...maybe that's why i don't have much self confidence...

can't believe it...for 1 hour, i've been 1 year older...*looks in the mirror* nope, still no grey hairs *giggles*