So - I had to go back into the hospital because raisins. I am telling you chemo is one hell of a drug... just sayin. My frustration is the fact I had more knowledge than my over worked and stressed ER doctor. This disappointed me but it is what it is. They doped me up with morphine and anti nausea medicine and sent me home. The nurses however were very rough with me and blew out veins in both my arms, I look like I have been whipped with a chain.

Tomorrow I go out of town to see a guy who is supposedly one of the top 2 in the nation for treating GI goodies, maybe just maybe he'll fix the pancreas and liver troubles. Although, I swear it's the chemo killing my liver but eh what do I know right?

Be good to each other while I take on this next adventure in health mazes. The cake is a freaking lie ... delicious delicious cake... oh is that why I'm dying on this treadmill? Let them eat cake ... but no cake for joo cause you has the betes? Ugh I've officially went nanners.

Will keep you posted as I can. In the meantime be kind to each other

Sometimes reality just bites you on the booboo with a steamy pile of ... drama. Ugh I need a hug and a drink and another damn vacation. I can't speak much of what is the drama at this time but within the next couple weeks will have more details >.< please universe let this S**T storm to pass quick!

FA,

Did ya miss me yet? Thanks to the new treatment and a friend that works with my disease without pushing to hard. I got to go to Florida on a girls only road trip.

I had so much fun. I am thinking to draw a comic series heralding our adventures. Would you read it!

Look forward to hearing from you. Be good to each other.

-Angelis

I'm leaving and will be gone for a week. Ya'll behave while I'm gone <3 <3

Hello FA,

Tomorrow I go back into St. Mary's for infusion #2. It's another 7 hour one with a possible stay if I react like I did last time. So if I am slow to respond it's cause they are holding me hostage like. I'll be back soon don't worry! Be good to each other while I'm gone :3

Until we speak again,
-Angelis

Hello FA,

It's already almost the end of January. Wow how time is just slipping through my fingertips. My hiatus has taken longer than anticipated and that has taken away a lot of time for my hobbies and socializing. I still snuck on here as often as I could to say a quick Hi or let ya'll know that I didn't die on the many operating tables.

So, first and update: I AM ALIVE - They didn't fix the problem the tenth surgery was just to remove the stent they put into my pancreas. My pancreas is still sore and getting my sugars back under control has been a challenge. The main issue has been the signs of internal infection/bleeding. We still haven't found the source and it is not a pleasant experience. I will be trying to get a second opinion and/or better doctor to start working on this within the next month.

My Rheumatoid arthritis has been untreated since October as I had to let the previous treatment wash out so that I could become eligible for the next attempt. The insurance is taking their sweet time to approve it while I sit here in the middle of winter miserable with jacked up hands. However, this will not keep me down forever it is just a frustration.

Hobbies & Friends & Socializing

Yeah - there hasn't been a whole of that. Kind of hard to keep up friendships and hobbies when one has lots and lots of surgeries. I am just now starting to play video games again and starting to socialize about once a week. My bestie even joined FA to watch over me here cause she is that awesome. I am also going to try real hard to see Toori and Moonblossom this year if possible. GIRL TRIP FTW!!! Just sayin...

I am going to start posting more art that I've commissioned and will continue to practice on my tablet myself so that I can have even more - it's an addiction I am telling you. There will be pron - granted I am still very very prudish about it but I am loosening up for the most part so hopefully the community doesn't burn me out for having lewd stuff. We shall see >.>

Thank you to everyone who has watched my page, commented, noted, favorited etc. etc. During this insane year for me having something to look forward to has been this site and the people herein. Ya'll continue to be awesome and I will do my best to catch up and keep up on my responses better. Mad <3 for you all!


Be good to each other - until we speak again,

-Angelis

I've had a lot of art that hasn't been posted because of my own prudishness. I admit it. However, I am curious to find out how you would all feel if my gallery started having more sexually themed art in it. Also, for those curious - I will have a life update soon. Be awesome to each other :3

Until we speak again,

-Angelis

Friends,

This has been a wild year. So many surgeries and procedures and tests. It's not over by any stretch but I am in a break between everything and trying to catch my breath.

As the seasons have changed the time of reflection and seeing what was accomplished and then looking forward to seeing what can be accomplished. For myself I am grateful for the out pouring of kindness that I have received online.

It's such a little thing to reach out to someone and give them a friendly smile, hug, and know they are rooting for you even if it was just that moment. These little things can have big impacts. just look at what I tiny drop of water falling into a still pond can do.


As a reminder, be excellent to each other - for the world in general will not be.
I will end this journal with Merry Yule everyone and Happy Holidays.

Until we speak again,

-Angelis

Hello FA!

So I am still totally behind on catching up with all you awesome peoples so I beg forgiveness while my crazy life continues to be crazy. It is November which means NANOWRIMO ( nanowrimo.org ) Today I caught up on my word count so allowed myself to play some games. By the way - still not sure if I want to continue the story from last year or start fresh. Thoughts?

I do still have a twitch channel and I do plan on streaming again once I feel a little better and get over all these freaking surgeries. I did order some art as it had been several months - since my income is so tiny and fixed kinda hard to cater to my art addiction.

Yes, I'm having yet more surgery (JOY) I go see the surgeon on Thursday to evaluate and schedule the tenth one. I believe that within a year one should not have so much surgery. Next year I'm going to boycott surgery I swear! RL family drama is still a big issue as well as getting my finances and the looming possibility of my having to move.

Apologize if this rambling journal is all over the place - just know that I care about you all and that I am trying very hard to get my health and stuff in order. *Huggles*

Until we speak again,
-Angelis

Hello my FA friends,

I've had a busy go of things lately and that has meant not a lot of time to work on things here. Moonblossom made it safely here and safely back home after some awesome friend time. I did have surgery and I am still recovering from it. Honestly, it still hurts like heck so probably going in to see if anything is wrong next week.

NANOWRIMO is coming up and again this year I will be participating. I have not come up with a theme nor an artistic idea so no art is done as of yet. I need to commission a generic piece of art for my works in progress I think. What do you think?

I will get working on catching up on my shouts, messages, favorites, etc... just as soon as possible. I also have just one more piece of art to display and I will be completely caught up on all the things I've commissioned or that's been gifted.

Last thing will be an update on games I'm currently playing. EVE - ARK - MineCraft - I'm cutting down on spreading myself so thin and focusing sort of. What better way to convalesce than to play games right? Be excellent to each other.

Until we speak again,
-Angelis

Hello everyone!

I finally got the news that surgery will happen on October 1st. So if I'm not around a lot it's because I'm a bit pre-occupied. Also, Moon is possibly coming to visit and help care for me while I recover. I'm hoping that I bounce back fast enough to drag her to the zoo and to the butterfly house. So this is short and sweet - until we speak again.

-Angelis

Hello FA friends!

Sorry I've been so absent lately. Some of you are aware that I got sick in July 2014. Between then and now many things have happened such as: Catching Mono, Eight surgeries, Short term disability, long term disability, job loss, potentially loosing the house etc... Honestly, it's enough to drive one a bit bonkers.

I found out this week that I have to endure another two surgeries. One will be very soon - i.e. as soon as the surgeon can get me in. The next will happen about 5-6 months from now. During all of this I've still been going to St. Mary's for the drug trial. To me I see improvement but then again it could be in my head as I desperately want/need hope.

However, the doctors have decided on one more treatment and that will be in October. If there is no improvement, then I will begin applying for other trials. All of this while I continue to fight the state for benefits - deal with loosing my career - and trying to save the house. Plus the pain of everything and there is a lot of pain happening ... I digress.

I don't mean to be so absentee. It just is what it is. My life is insanely crazy right now. There has also been a lot of relationship drama and to be honest ... I'm just avoiding it. I understand that I can't "run" away from the problems as they will catch up to me.

I fully intent on dealing with them all - it is just. I want the chance to relax and heal and take care of me first. Then I'll deal with the others. I'm also hoping to go to Archon - a nice 3 day distraction. Potentially Moonblossom will come see me and go as well. Which means that this year I will have met two of my favorite people from FA!

So while I am away and dealing with all the things, I hope that you will all be good to each other and yourselves. I'm truly not far. Leave me messages and pokes and whatnot. I will catch up and I treasure each and every one of you for being in my life.

Until we speak again,

-Angelis

Hello everyone,

A couple of weeks ago the intention was to become more active on this forum and reconnect with several of you. I apologize as this goal has not been attainable. Life has had other plans.


1. I'm moving. I have to sell my beautiful house that I had built. This hit about a month ago and during this hiatus, I was doing everything I could to save it. My treatments are making us house poor - that and me loosing my job didn't help either.

2. I'll be in the hospital for my next round of treatments today. I think it's helping but I've been in the hospital every week for the last month for other reasons and my doctors are dicking around instead of finding out what is wrong.

3. Okay okay I admit it. I'm sad and a bit lonely. While on my trip I found out that I am the friend people tolerate in "small" doses. That I'm too hyper and too energetic and overwhelming. This surprised me as it came from a friend whom I thought was true and genuine. Since the convention - haven't heard from them since. It feels like I lost another friend and this one I've had since I got out of high school.


Well everyone - even though this period of time is rough for me - I still think of all the friendly people that I've met through here and will do my best to keep in touch even if it will be spotty. Be kind to each other and don't be a stranger.
'
Until we speak again,

-Angelis

Hello everyone!

I'm back from GEN CON! One thing I have learned is to make sure you have spending money when you go! I wanted ALL THE THINGS! As cool as the idea of GEN CON is, I didn't have a great time. I was really lonely in a sea of 60k people. The people who went with me didn't go with me... that might sound confusing but it is true.

I thought this was a friend trip and that we would hang out and do all the things together. I was so very very wrong. If I go again, I will make sure that I have monies to play the games and a friend to hang out with. I did get to meet a friend from FA - Lady Toorima was there and I got an epic huggie and hello - sadly though I got distracted and she disappeared the con ate her! :O

There is SOOO many peoples at this place it is wild. I did get to see The Wheaton and my favorite web comic artist Jennie Breeden. So lots of cool things I got to experience and even had a chance to talk to one of my favorite Sci/Fi novelist Terry Brooks. I spent a lot of time at the Writers Symposium and got a lot of notes.

Health update: I am now on 8 week treatments instead of 4. It's still rough but I am starting to feel better and that is a good sign. Even though I'll never be 100% - I now that soon I can be back at physical therapy and outside more and exercising etc. So much I want to do and soon I'll be able to do.

Drama issues: There has been a lot of drama in my life over the last few months. Both real life and online. It's had me overwhelmed and so I took a little break from FA and other online places. I'm still not recharged fully and still not completely ready to take on anymore. I am still behind on posting arts that I had commissioned and gifts from awesome peoples. So over the next few days I am going to get all the arts posted and pay the two peoples that went dutch on arts.

If I am quiet or slow to respond - please do not be offended. I care about all the wonderful people that have befriended me here and will check in as often as I can. Supreme huggies for you all.

Until we speak again,
-Angelis

I am one of the luckiest girls in the whole wide world. I've got two amazing friends that are taking me to GEN CON and I am totally excited and scared at the same time. My doctors gave me my instructions and what to watch out for and I will be careful. I am really looking forward to making memories and meeting new people who love to game as much as I do.

So - who is going? Do you want to meet up and hang out? Inquiring minds want to know!

Until we speak again,

-Angelis

Hello everyone,

I hope that you are doing well and enjoying your summer. It's been a month since I last posted an update and figured it was high time to do so. I've had two treatments so far and although the side effects are rough, my joints feel a little stronger. There is still a lot of swelling and limited use and my hands look terrible but I am hopeful still.

My latest round of blood work showed that my sugars are really high. Part of it is due to the medications I'm on and part of it is diet. I've been craving comfort foods and being pooky a lot tends to validate poor food choices. (no one should have belly bombers three times in a week - just sayin)

Depression - it's a rough road when the blues hit you like a ton of bricks. Nothing seems to go right. It feels like you can't DO anything right and you feel it will never get any better. It also feels like it's not worth even trying. It's lonely as well. You don't want to bring others down but gods do you miss human contact. Being chronically sick has shown me that friends are treasures but rarely do the hang around when things are rough.

Case in point. My best friend tells me how much they miss me and really want some friend time. I tell them I'm available and would gladly move things around just to see them. They cancel three times in a row and finally admitted that they are scared to see me. Scared??? of me???

I never thought in a million years I could be scary. My chronic illness isn't contagious but I'm treated as if mere contact with me will spread it. Other friends admit that hanging out with me is difficult because of my exhaustion, fainting spells, etc. because they don't want to have to stop in the middle of something to take care of me.

I get it - I really do. I'm not capable of always fulfilling my social obligations but that doesn't mean I should be completely excluded from having a life. It's a disability - not the end of the world. I'm not dead yet - so totally wish people wouldn't treat me as if I was.

Being an ENFP personality gives me a lot of intuition and perception on the world around me. Instead of guilt tripping and judging people too harshly - I've stopped reaching out, I've stopped going out, and I'm just leaving myself available if/when I am wanted/needed.

It's been a year now since I last worked/taught and it's a completely different world for me. I started working when I was around 12 and got a federal permit when I was 14. I have never felt entitled and I have appreciated the struggle so that everything I've gotten gives me pride.

Now, I'm reliant on others to ensure my well being. It so rubs me the wrong way. I'm always thinking about alternative work solutions that would work with my hospital schedule and my own capabilities. My independence is just part of my core self and I acknowledge it.

I've been giving myself smaller achievable goals throughout this process to always have something to look forward too. Right now that is a trip to GEN CON. I've worked with my doctors to have a plan so that I can go. I've got two friends who are going with me and they are worried about my health but willing to do this with me anyway.

GEN CON is huge and I've made sure to only sign up for 1 - 2 things per day so that if needed I can go back to the hotel and rest. I've already lined up the nearest medical facility that takes my insurance and I am preparing a list of medications and doctor contacts should I have a fainting spell in the middle of the place and people freak out.

Devastation: Most of you know that I love love love growing roses. This year we have had so much rain and flash flooding that I've been worried sick for my roses. Last year was a wet year too and at first I thought everything was going to recover. All but one bush is now dead. My Lincoln is still holding but I can see the disease on it too.

What this means is I will be cutting down and pulling out the entire beds. I will attempt again starting next year in a new location in the yard. I'm just disappointed is all. They were so pretty this spring and showed such potential. Sadly, it is just one more thing that makes me feel like a failure. I do understand that logically it's not my fault and it's just circumstance ... but you probably get the idea of where my head is at currently.

So that is what is going on in my world. I'm trying hard to stay strong and positive but some days it's not so easy. I'm a flawed human being full of emotions. Could so totally go for some brownies and a hug right about now.

Thank you for taking time to read my long winded journal update. I truly hope you are all doing well and know that I am here. I may be quiet and I may not answer every single comment, shout, or note. I am reading them and I am honored that you would take time to think of me and keep me in your life. *HUGS*

Until we speak again,

-Angelis

Hello everyone,

Hope my little journal finds you well and that you are taking good care of yourselves. I wanted to write and thank you all for your watches, favorites, comments, notes etc. They have been a real bright spot to my days and you are awesome!

Just letting you all know that if I am quiet and not around is because I start a new treatment tomorrow. It's a drug trial and they want me to be on a low dose of chemo as well. Most likely for awhile I'm going to be sickly and trying to get through it.

Don't worry - this too shall pass and I'll be back to my butt kicking in no time! After all the surgeries and complications etc. we all thought that I was physically getting better. To some extent I was. However, my scores started rapidly declining about a month ago to the point all of my doctors got concerned.

So - applied to several drug trials and got approved for a newer infusion. This hopefully will give me some relief and reduced swelling. During this time I'm still playing with my roses and new veggie garden. Don't be a stranger and I will try to keep up with things here as best as I can.

Until we speak again,
-Angelis

Story? I was writing one? Are you sure? OK, ok, OkAy!

From October through January I had 8 surgical procedures. EIGHT! Crazy I know it. Luckily though the surgeries where successful and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. YAY! I've still got a bit to go but overall every day I see improvements.

NANOWRIMO was during the month of November. I was sick and in a lot of pain. I'm shocked I got as far as I did. I didn't win and I didn't expect to. However, I made a personal goal to finish it and to share with you all - even raw.

The only way to improve a skill is to work at it and practice. So I am going to get back into the story and back to posting it for your reading pleasure. I've went back through the scraps and put links for ease of reading. If you would like to catch up on the story thus far:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15168993/

Until we speak again,

-Angelis

Spring Oh Spring do please hurry. My roses are beginning to show little red startlings! Supposedly Saturday night was the last frost. Which means I will be planning and planting my garden next weekend. Ever since I got let go from my job, I've been trying to adjust to this new lifestyle.

I'm enjoying the lack of stress in my life for sure, and the fact that I'm healing on target and with the pancreatic enzymes, I've been starting to show great improvement in my overall health. YAY! That means all the thoughts, prayers, and good wishes have been successful!

Income: Here is the challenge I think everyone faces. While I apply and re-apply and appeal SSNI my income is truly only $300 a month. >.> It's amazing what you discover is a "Need" vs. "WANT". I think the biggest hurdle for myself is the fact I'm very independent. Having that taken from me, makes me a bit bitter and already contemplating my next way to overcome it and be independent again.

Support: Between my ex, my mum, and all of you wonderful online friends - my support network is strong and I'm OKAY. So when I'm not playing outside in my soon to be garden, I'll be occasionally streaming on Twitch and doing youtube videos. There will also be times where I'll be at the hospital for the RA treatments and physical therapy to regain my strength and mobility that I lost.

So THANK YOU everyone for your kindness and friendship. It has meant the world to me and I'm so lucky to have you all as part of my life. I look forward til next we speak. Take care and be excellent to each other!

-Angelis

So previously I mentioned that I was having difficulties with LTD payments and what they think I could potentially live on, on a monthly basis. Luckily, I had saved up knowing I was going to have surgery. I also have in place a good support network. I do not live alone, and my mum has been an incredible help to me even though she lives 5 hours away.

After a year of no treatments the doctors finally said that I was recovered enough and strong enough to start treatment. I will have my next treatment on Monday. Already since my first dose, I've seen improvements. Treatment along with physical therapy is doing wonders for me. I'm no longer crying at night cause of the pain. I'm still in pain but it's nothing like it was.

Good news: Since surgery I've been getting better everyday - hope is now success!

Bad news: I did loose my job/career of 10 years (I miss teaching already!)

Hurry up: SSNI is still reviewing my claim.

WAIT: This process might take up to two years >.<

THANK YOU - to everyone here who reached out with encouragement, support, kindness, and love. I am overwhelmed with joy that so many incredible people would band together and help. For me, being treated normally and with kindness empowers me to fight on and keep going. I am a very very lucky woman (catfox) to have you all in my life. Thank you all so very very much.

Until we speak again,
-Angelis

So today I check the mail in anticipation of getting my monthly stipend from LTD. I opted for them to estimate that I will win my disability claim and receive those benefits. So they reduced my LTD payment to compensate for what they think the state will give.

This is so not cool. They cut me a check for only 20% of my income. I don't know anyone that could take such a hit and survive. Mind you this is monthly - not bi-weekly.... MONTHLY. I will now be hiding in my bunk and avoiding the phone as there is no way in heck I can pay all of my bills with less than $350.00 USD per month. >.<

Thank goodness I'm really good with money - I will make this work somehow. Anyone wanting to adopt? I'm low maintenance <3 *giggles* All good and bad humor aside. This isn't a rant. I expected things to be rough for the next few months. I will be fine. I've been on my own since I was 15. This too shall pass and I will survive.

I'm still calling shenanigans though for 20% . . . wth ... supreme fail. So while I gather my few remaining marbles and attack this new development I order you all to be excellent to each other and spare me a hug.

Until next time,
-Angelis

Today is another Lunch Hour MineCraft stream. Going to be building floaty Islands. I'm prepping the stream now and should be live in about 20 minutes or so. Come say hi :)

http://www.twitch.tv/angelfacegames

It's inevitable and unavoidable. Today I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started to plan my new daily routines and began the changes that I'm hoping to continue to make and improve upon. I started with my office. Wiping down the french doors, gathering the trash, dusting the ceiling fan etc.

I went through the giant mountain of mail that I ignored while I was ill. (O.M.G. so much junk!) I then pulled out my portable filing cabinet. I stopped doing the household finances in 2010 because I had to travel so much for my job. So I was a bit amazed when I opened the cabinet to find my life in paper covering 2008-2009. To my own credit, I was freaking organized as heck!

I also discovered that I'm very out of the loop on the running of my own house. I am a little overwhelmed at the moment by how much I let my "job" run my life. I didn't have a life. I stopped hanging out with my friends, I stopped traveling for fun. I had stopped writing, and barely played games. Even my reading habits came to near non existence.

My world involved trying to develop skills for work, and often I brought my work home. No wonder my marriage fell into the toilet never to return. No wonder that when I tried dating again I failed. I lost Danny due to being always stressed and possessive of HIS time, when hell, I didn't even have enough time for myself.

All of these realizations has shown me that my "job" was literally killing me. It wasn't worth it. I'm going to take this new opportunity and do the things I've always wanted to and need to. I now have the time, I'm going to use it wisely. I'll learn how to balance.

I will have my garden this year, I will plant trees, I will write more, I will read more, I will exercise more, I will take back the finances of the house, I will nest in my house and do what I want. I'm going to get out, I'm going to game. This is only the beginning. . .

Watch out world . . . I'm wide awake and not going back.

*sighs heavily*

I'm not surprised by this decision as I've been anticipating it since I went out on medical leave in July 2014. However, the way they did it is what is shady and a bit passive/aggressive. They UPS'd a letter. After 10 years of employment, they boxed my things and erased my existence.

No exit interview, no payment for built up vacation and sick leave . . . nothing. So time to begin my new life as a domestic wench. Here's to a new chapter!