I really should stop with the cheesy titles... xD

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom Day #9
Don't look in the rearview, you aren't going that way.

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom Day #9 Cup 2
Follow your inner bliss.

I don't know how much longer I can keep this going. XD as much as I love it, it's starting to almost feel like a chore... I'll try to keep it going for the next week or two, though! :3



UPDATE!
Apparently, I have Influenza B (the one only 10% of people get) and I might have been fired from my job. (Judging on how my boss went off on me for telling him I couldn't work tonight and those were doctors orders) and his wife asked me to leave the door open and wait for my coworker to get there and leave the key on the back counter before I went home. So who knows.

That and have you noticed that bosses always make you feel like the biggest piece of shit for calling off, even though you work around food and can result in health code violations and potential lawsuits? So I spent about 25 minutes losing it in the doctors office parking lot in my car. I know it's stupid but I can't lose this job. I left so much for it and I don't know what I would do if I lost it. All of that and more were racing through my mind. That and I even started crying when my boss was going off on me because I felt like such a fuckin piece of shit and I couldn't take the fact that I might lose my job over this. (He's the type to fire someone over little shit.) I've never seen or heard him in the way I did today and I've known him and his family for years. Now that I've typed it I feel like a fuckin crybaby lol but I don't think I've ever been so scared that I might lose my job. As for the flu thing, CSW is officially put on hold until at least Friday.

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

Or rather, your computer/phone/internet-capable device screen! :3

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom Day 8
Stay humble, work hard, and be kind.

Expect another one later :3 unlike last time, I'll just add it to this journal if or when I get another cup.

Never mind, had to go back to work. Oh well! See you guys tomorrow!

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

Yeah, I took a delivery at the end of the night and the person had a really crappy porch. One thing led to another and I ended up tripping and kicking the hell out of their deck and I felt a painful snap in my foot and sure enough, I started getting that blackout and nauseating feeling. After I got home, I took my shoes and socks off and my toe is swollen red and purple so... yeah, not normal. XD

Gonna try to put the doctor visit off until Monday, but until then, Motrin. =3

I also burned myself today by touching the door of the oven instead of grabbing the handle like a normal person. I wonder how much bubble wrap I can buy with $20...

But anyway, CSW should hopefully resume Monday but you already knew that. =P Until then I'm gonna see how I feel tomorrow morning and I may be able to sit home and watch that big game that's on or something? Or maybe just the commercials. Who knows?

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

So, it's been really dead today. So I left work again, all for you guys!

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom Day 7 Bonus Cup
Be the type of person you want to meet.

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

So, technically I wasn't supposed to leave work without a delivery call, but f#$! the rules! (That and my boss didn't mind.) So here you go, a coffee sleeve wisdom to (hopefully) hold you over until the next one!

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom Day #7
Worry is the anticipation of a "maybe" or "no."

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

As the title states, I missed the coffee shop yesterday and chances are I may or may not make it there today. I know I won't be able to go again until Monday or so due to this weekend just being really busy. Have to be at the mechanic at 7:45am tomorrow, and I'll probably be there until 9 or 10, then I have to open at work at around 10:30-10:45 and work until about 10pm. Saturday is up in the air but it's gonna be like Friday, and Sunday is gonna be hell with the Super Bowl. Woohoo.

Anyway, always be awesome in everything you do. =3

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

You know the drill, wisdoms and such are right here.

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom Day #6
Mistakes are proof that you are trying.

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom Day #6 Cup 2
Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.

Coffee shop was on point today.

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

Yeah, once again, cut to the chase.

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom Day #5
A positive vibe attracts a positive tribe.

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

This isn't a journal full of coffee sleeve wisdoms. This is pretty much a vent journal because for some reason, my stupid ass brain is throwing all of this shit at me late at night. Like how I'm a stupid piece of shit doing nothing with my life. I know this because I gave up two jobs that could be used to further a career for a stupid job delivering food that doesn't even pay me hourly. I'm just like "Oh! This is a good way to make money quick! Fuck that other shit that I actually had to do something other than drive to make money."

Speaking of which, we hired a new guy and he does literally everything. He'll work in the kitchen, answer phones, wait on dine-ins, deliver, deep clean the restaurant, and works the register. Honestly it's good for the business but at the same time, I feel like I'll just be tossed out because I only typically do half of those things because my boss told me my job is to answer phones and drive. Before you go all "well if that's what he said then you have nothing to worry about," he told the new guy the same thing. So it's like, how long before he finds another guy like him or how long before he just doesn't need me altogether. Why the fuck do I even care so much?

I have no life. I literally sit around on my computer or at a coffee shop until I go to work and then after work I go to bed and do the same fucking thing the next day. What a charming and perfect life, right? And don't go all "some people have it worse" on me, because I'm well aware of that and I feel even more like a piece of shit because I sit here and complain about stuff that *shouldn't* be considered a problem. Well you know What? I will, because I am a piece of shit.

Everyone you ask will say so. What friends do I have? The ones that I don't contact enough let alone at all? The ones who I make plans with and cancel last minute because of stupid shit like anxiety or something? The ones where i unintentionally sound like a self centered asshole because im trying to relate to them or to their situation? (Yes thats a thing someone told me, sorry for ruining your life btw!) I always think that id just be better off alone, and at the same time its my greatest fear. But for some stupid reason I push people away and put up these walls that keep people from seeing the real me because everyone would know what I fragile, stupid piece of shit I truly am. (Unless you're reading this journal, in which case. Hi, I'm Anthem. Nice to meet you. Just don't stick around too long because I don't want to ruin your life too.)

I mean seriously, who the fuck am I, all the meaningless relationships I've been in, all the people I cared about that I hurt, all the people who wasted their time on me, all the fucked up shit that I've done... I'm disgusted to even fucking call myself a human in existence. It seems like every direction I turn I just end up hurting people or annoying people I care about. Left and right, causing nothing but pain. Speaking of which I'm too fucking lazy to fucking do anything that needs to be done. Such as going to the doctor, scheduling appointments, taking meds, eating, etc. There have been days where I had a cup of coffee and no food. (Priorities, right?) Not just because I forget to (which is most of the time) but because I fucking hate my body. Like I'm fucking huge and I don't deserve love from anyone. :p seriously though, I probably have the poorest self image possible. I wake up, look in the mirror and think to myself, "man, you are a fat, miserable, ugly pile of shit. No wonder no one likes you or wants you around." The one thing I haven't done in a long time is self harm (I have no intention on going back to that, but I'm not gonna say it hasn't ever crossed my mind again, meds are making those instances fewer and fewer.) So that's one thing I should be proud of I guess? All I know is, posting this journal might have been a mistake and I may delete it later, but I needed to get all of that shit out somehow... thanks for listening.

We will hopefully resume your regularly scheduled coffee sleeve positivity tomorrow.

Until then, remember that you are loved by someone, no matter how lonely you feel.

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

Couldn't think of a clever saying for today so let's just cut to the chase.

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom Day #4
Enjoy every moment.

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom Day #4 Cup 2
Don't wait for opportunity, create it.

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

I only bought one coffee today, so sorry for making it seem like you'd get three wisdom! D=

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom #3 (#4?)
The eyes are useless when the mind is blind.

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

Needed two cups of coffee today, so here.

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom #1
Always know how valuable you are.

Coffee Sleeve Wisdom #2
Don't call it a dream, call it a plan.

With love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

I said I would start doing it. So if you want to post thoughts or comments on the subject, feel free.



There is some good in this world and it's worth fighting for.



With love,
AnthemTheMalamutt <3

It's good to be back. I've just been offline a lot because of my shitty laptop not working on Chrome anymore, and what sucks is I don't remember my password so unless it autofills I can't log in anywhere else. D=

However, I'm somehow not dead yet. An incident that happened just over a year ago made me think twice about that. A concussion and stitches later, I found out one of the long term effects are seizures. So that's a thing I deal with now. I won't go into detail, but ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET when on a two or three wheeled vehicle. Don't end up like me.

That and working two jobs (technically three) doesn't give me a lot of free time. but I'll be sure to pop in every now and then.

Love you guys. <3
-The Fluffbutt Malamutt

It's been nine and a half months. I shouldn't be feeling the way I do. You hurt me. You took what I trusted you with and threw it away like it was nothing. Then you have the nerve to message me wanting it all to be okay and wanting me to forgive you?

Let me tell you something. It makes me physically SICK to get a message from you. I see your name and all I feel is how I felt on that morning nine and a half months ago. That day you took one of my deepest. darkest fears and made it a reality. Mind you, it's not just seeing messages from you, seeing people you know mention you in messages saying that you want to talk to me. You also happen to get people to message me at the worst times. I've had to cancel plans because I start feeling sick and I get anxiety attacks because I get a message from you or someone close to you.

I scroll through Facebook and I see memory posts, and a lot of them mention you, because at this time one year ago, you were what I cared deepest for. You were my escape. You were my lifeboat. You were my shoulder to cry on. You were my happiness. You were the "love of my life."

Does this mean I don't wonder how you're doing? Hell no. I still think about the past almost 10 years, and it makes me want to cry. It seriously makes me want to fucking cry. YOU are one of the only people that caused me to cry. We had so much. Trust, friendship, love, and all of it was thrown away. I don't think I've ever been so upset about one fucking person.



However, there is something you must know. On the off chance that you somehow see this journal, I'm not ready to speak to you. I honestly can't tell you that I will ever be ready. Nobody has hurt me like you have. People say forgive and forget, and I can't see myself doing that. If I forgive you, I will never forget what has been done, and if I forget everything that happened, I will never forgive myself. It's weird, you know? Normally I promise myself to find some way to forgive people that have done wrong to me, but I can't seem to find a way to forgive you.

1. Last beverage: 32oz coffee from Speedway
2. Last phone call: My boss telling me to not come in until noon today.
3. Last text message: A friend of mine letting me know how much a custom knife would cost.
4. Last song you listened to: The Hills by The Weeknd
5. Last time you cried: When our family cat died about a month ago
6. Dated someone twice: Yeah, even thrice.
7. Been cheated on: Yep.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Yep.
9. Lost someone special: Of course
10. Been depressed: Do you even know me? XD Yes.. .-.
11. Been drunk and threw up: Nope.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Cerulean
13. Yellow
14. Forest Green

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2015)
15. Made a new friend: Yes! =D So many new friends!
16. Fallen out of love: I guess so? o.o
17. Laughed until you cried: Who hasn't? =P
18. Met someone who changed you: Maybe? I'm not sure XD
19. Found out who your true friends were: Yep.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah but who cares? People will always talk about you and there's nothing you can do about it so why worry? XD
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Yes and no. They were on my friends list when it happened but they're not now.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: A few :P
23. How many kids do you want: I'm honestly not sure. I'm not too fond of children XD
24. Do you have any pets: Yep; a husky named Cinnamon, an orange tabby named Loki and a mixed breed named Little Smokie, or Sweetie Pie, or Baby, or Sassy... Everyone in our house calls her something different XD
25. Do you want to change your name: Maybe .-.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Went to the coffee shop and bought a bunch of random people coffee.
27. What time did you wake up today: 7:14am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Looking up train ticket prices
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: I don't know...
30. Last time you saw your Mother: A few seconds ago :P
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: My life in general. XD Not my friends and family though
32. What are you listening to right now: Bojack Horseman... XD
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yep, last week at the coffee shop =3
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: My dad yelling across the house for no reason
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook and Youtube
36. Whats your real name: James
37. Nicknames: Anthem
38. Relationship Status: I like to believe that I am happily single. .-.
39. Zodiac sign: Scorpio
40. Male or female: Male
41. Primary School: Why
42. Secondary School: U
43. High school/college: Need/This
44. Hair Color: Natural: Medium dark brown, yes.
45. Long or short hair: Long-ish for a dude. My bangs go below my chin and my hair goes down to the middle of my shoulder blades. :3
46. Height: 6'3"
47. Do you have a crush on someone: Not currently. I'm trying to stay away from relationships.
48: What do you like about yourself: Do I have to answer this? Even if I don't like anything about myself?
49. Piercings: None
50. Tattoos: None
51. Righty or lefty: Righty o.o

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: I don't remember. That and I'm just mindlessly answering this.
53. First piercing: N/A
54. First best friend: On here, I can't remember, so many of you guys are awesome :3 IRL a crazy chick named Ashley =P
55. First sport you joined: Marching Band. Say it's not a sport I dare you.
56. First vacation: With family, Michigan. Alone, Baltimore this year.
56a. Wtf happened to 57? I don't know
58. First pair of trainers: Wut? XD

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: Milk Chocolate Covered Cappuccino Biscotis from Albanese.
60. Drinking: Water
61. I'm about to: Watch more Bojack Horseman because I have no life.
62. Listening to: Bojack Horseman... XD
63. Waiting for: This year and the holidays to be over with...

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids: Not currently.
65. Get married: Meh... :\
66. Career: Jewelry person. Eventually want to deviate to lapidarist.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs. Unless the kisses are Hershey's... OR HERSHEY'S HUGS!! O=
69. Shorter or taller: Shorter? Same Height? Taller? I don't care XD
70. Older or Younger: At MOST two or three years below or above. o_o
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Meh. I'm flexible with both options
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Idk o.o
73. Sensitive or loud: I don't care o.o
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
WHERE IS 75???

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: No but I have been kissed by one.
77. Drank hard liquor: Yep
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Yep XD
79. Sex on first date: Nope
80. Broken someone's heart: I hope not but I'm sure I did.
...Where did 81 go???
82. Been arrested: In a way, yes. XD
83. Turned someone down: Yes oh my god yes.
84. Cried when someone died: Yeah .-. even if they didn't pass away and just became dead to me.
85. Fallen for a friend: Yep. Didn't end well

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: Lmfao hell no
87. Miracles: Sure
88. Love at first sight: Nope
89. Heaven: Yes
90. Santa Claus: That fat criminal bastard that breaks into my house and eats my cookies when I'm asleep? No <<
91. Kiss on the first date: No
92. Angels: Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: Yes and no. My exes have though without telling me.
95. Did you sing today: No, I can't sing to save my life
96. Have you ever cheated on somebody: Yes. Do I regret it? Sure. I never did anything with the other person though. It was purely just a mental and emotional relationship but it's still not right.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: Back to the 90s, when everything seemed so carefree.
98. The moment you would choose to relive: I'm not sure.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love: No, I'm afraid of thinking that I am and not actually falling in love at all.
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: *starts Eminem* I'M NOT AFRAID!! TO TAKE A STAND!! EVERYBODY!! COME TAKE MY HAND!! XD

and you're still awake at 12:30am because you can't sleep xD

Our cat Smokey has been really sick lately. We didn't know what was wrong, neither did the vet. ): He was dehydrated before but we thought that was it but he was barely eating and always throwing up. Just earlier today I was giving him medicine. Then when I go out for my daily coffee with my sister, I get a call from my dad that he passed away while we weren't home...

We had him for 13 years and I just can't think or talk right now... :(

-Anthem

I'm stressed out because I have so much going on... Dove Conference this weekend, Bronycon next month, my friends graduation parties, vehicle problems....

I owe my Dove team leader money, and he's been hounding me for it. Not to mention he has my correct order documents and he mixed the order up online so I have really no idea what goes to who. I'm freaking out about going to conference this weekend because I'm beyond broke and it's vital to my Dove business that I attend. I can't afford to pay anyone to take me either so that's out of the question...

Bronycon, I'm excited but stressed about it at the same time. I'm worried I'm gonna fuck something up while I'm there and I'm gonna be nervous because it's my first time flying too... That and I'm afraid of the post con depression thing... I've talked to so many wonderful people on the convention staff chat and I don't want that to go away after con even though it has to for next year...

I'm literally sitting at home freaking out internally about all of this stuff. I can't even keep food in my body for long, the longest it has stayed in the past 3 weeks is 2 hours... Everything is just crashing down and I can't take it anymore... :'(

I love you guys so much... I don't know what I'd do without all of you...
- AnthemTheMalamutt

Hello everyone! =D I know it's been a while since I updated this thing and posted a journal and such! XD I've been really busy and stressed at the same time. =P

Things I've been Up To:
-Preparing for Bronycon 2015
-Watching ALL of MLP Season 5
-Taking care of a friend's husky
-Being broke
-Selling Dove Chocolate Discoveries products! =D

So yeah, I'll briefly go over each stamp/dash/thing. XD

Bronycon, omg. A month from now I will be working security for their special events division! I'm super stoked!! This has been the highlight of my year since I was hired back in January! Like seriously, this has been my focus for the whole year so far! =D

MLP Season 5 has been FUCKING AMAZING!!! =D I don't care if you're not a fan of the show, you have no idea how much epicness you're missing!! This season is strictly for us bronies, I swear! XD

Taking care of my friend's husky because they're like never home besides on weekends. Not gonna lie, I spoil the hell out of her and she's still miss independent husky butt! =P

This needs no explanation... Broke is a part of that con life... XD

I started selling Dove Chocolate Discoveries back in June and omg their stuff is AMAZING!! Everything has chocolate in it!! Even the salad dressings and bbq sauce have chocolate in them!! (Their mojitos are also pretty amazing!) My link is http://www.mydcdsite.com/publicstor.....S/default.aspx if you wanted to take a look!! =D

Sorry I made everything brief, but I figured I could make a quick update for everyone to show that I'm not dead!! =3



Love you guys!
 AnthemTheMalamutt

Yeah. This happened tonight... DX 6 guys lifting a pizza oven and I'm tall enough to where "it" and "they" will be between it and the bottom oven... Got them and it if you catch my drift... :( I'm gonna go take an ice pack and...yeah...

Bye..
 AnthemTheMalamutt

So, some of you may have noticed that I haven't acted myself lately. I've hurt people, ignored people, made excuses, not kept my promises, been self-centered, and all around I've been someone I never wanted to be. I'm not going to make excuses either, because there are no excuses for what I've become or how I've acted. Yes, my girlfriend and friend of nearly ten years left my life a month ago, but I shouldn't use that as an excuse. I should be growing on this, but I think subconsciously I just can't seem to do that.

Every day is a mental and emotional fight for me. I'm fighting to keep my true feelings back, because it exposes weaknesses and sets one up for more pain. I know it's not healthy to think like that, but it's how I am. Fuck it, I'm opening up.

I am not the person you may think I am. Some of you may look at me as a emotionally challenged individual, and that's the closest definition I can come up with. I am a brony. I have suffered from clinical depression since I was 13. I have been bullied for basically my whole life. I have resorted to self harm as a way out. I have had suicidal thoughts and attempts. I have recently started questioning my sexuality. I tell myself I'm bisexual but at the same time I'm confused about everything that goes with it. I am not a virgin, my first time was with a girl at age 13. I have had an experience with one guy since then when I was 18. I felt pressured into it and I was nervous the whole time. (this is where the confusion and fear of intimacy comes in) I am self conscious about my size. I still live at home with my parents because I can't bring myself to hold a job for more than 6 months. I have stolen before, from friends and family to support a drug habit when I was with the girlfriend I mentioned when I was 13. I have lied to so many people about my feelings and other stuff. I haven't had a relationship over 7 months because I break down and I'm afraid I'll fuck everything up and ruin it for both my partner and I (which usually ends the relationship when I talk to my significant other about it). When people tell me about their problems, I tell them about my own or I start talking about something else, not only to take their mind off of it, but to hide that I don't know what to do or say in the heat of the moment. I don't mind giving advice but it has to be anonymous for me. If people aren't satisfied with it, I am afraid people will come back on me and blame me for their problems. I don't want that. I want to make people happy. I know one can't please everybody but that doesn't stop me from trying. I am addicted to caffeine. I have been kicked out of school more than once. I do not have a high school diploma. I held a graduation party so I wouldn't be looked down on because I didn't finish high school. I dropped out in 11th grade to take care of my asshole dad when he had major surgery because nobody else could. For that reason alone, it makes it difficult to find a job. I can't even go to school without it. I don't have the discipline or the funds to go back and get my G.E.D. I have gone behind peoples' backs to get ahead. I have been in fist fights with others due to bullying and pressure. I have a hard time understanding other peoples' feelings. I used to be able to, but that was back in my self harming days. I can't see myself becoming anything great in life. I have sold a lot of jewelry that I claim to be handmade by myself but it really wasn't. I just set the stones. Therefore I guess I am also a plagiarist. Woohoo. :\ I have cheated on tests, homework, and the girlfriend mentioned above. I did it to get ahead and try to get more than she offered me. In the end I lost everything. I'm not going to say the drugs were the reason, but I feel they did partake in the whole thing.

From now on, I am going to be an open book. If you have any questions, I don't care that it's not TMI Tuesday, ask away.

I love you all. I may regret posting this journal but I don't fucking care anymore. This needs to come out.

Love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt

My sister was in a car accident up in Detroit. Everyone was alright, no serious injuries except to the car and a fence. She was T-boned at an intersection on her passenger side when a guy in a Jeep ran a red light. Sent her flying off the road, through a fence, through a parking lot and stopped by a snow drift. We know she was okay because the first thing she did after it happened was take a selfie. (That's her signature thing for everything)

Once the ambulance got there and checked everyone out, they said her vitals were fine but they wanted her to go to the emergency room to get checked for anything else that might have happened. Since she only has Indiana insurance she couldn't go to the hospital in Detroit but the paramedics gave her the OK to go home to Indiana as long as she went to the hospital when she got home. So for the past 6 hours they've been bouncing from hospital to hospital because they have been so busy and/or neglecting.

I also have to get a root canal done next week. Until then I have no access to pain killers strong enough to get rid of this pain. Oragel somehow made the pain worse. (Maybe because I think the nerve is exposed, I don't know.) As for right now I'm taking over 6 pills a day for this pain alone. :( I just can't wait for this to be over.

I'm drifting.. Good night

<3 ~ AnthemTheMalamutt

So, I ran into an old friend of mine of whom I haven't spoken to in a couple years at this magical place known as Taco Bell. Him and I go back about seven or so years and the reason I stopped talking to him was that he was always hanging around with this other kid. (Let's just call this kid Ed)

Ed has always been the douchebag type of person. I met him in 3rd grade when he moved up the street from me and we were friends until about 5th grade. At this time he started going behind my back and publicly alienating me from all of my other classmates, turning some against me as well. He would act like your friend for a while to get what he wants and then stab you in the back once he had the chance to get ahead. At a vulnerable and dark time of my life, he and I were on speaking terms but at that time I was self harming and for a while he would try to get me to stop. Once other people found out, he would join in with them when they bullied me for it. He told me almost daily after that that I wasn't worth anything and that I should stop fucking around with this self harm bullshit and just kill myself already. He also said that it was my parents' fault because they didn't raise me right.

This is where every contact with him was avoided as much as possible. That's something you just don't fucking say to someone, especially if they're already self-harming. I tried to not let him get to me but I couldn't help it because he lived right down the street. I was kicked out of school for a mental evaluation when I was in 7th grade because he saw that I had harmed myself that morning and with it being as fresh as it was, he told the school counselor I was self harming on school property, during class no less. First of all, I wasn't stupid enough to do that. Secondly, yes I had a problem and every day I wasn't in school he would come by my house and just make fun of me for what had happened. I started staying inside and I would stay away from basically everyone and everything and just hide in my room. I was afraid that I would be bullied if I went outside or if I went back to school. When I got back, everything was quiet between us. He caused so much pain and torture. I was ready to just unleash hell upon him but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Enough back-story, my friend that I met at Taco Bell would hang out with Ed all the time. (You'd think they were in a relationship as much as they were together) but he said that Ed has hit a very low point. Ed was an artist, as much as I despised him I have to say his art wasn't half bad. He gave that up, started smoking marijuana, and eventually that led up to him getting kicked out of his house because his parents found his stash. He sold everything he had to get more pot money, and when I heard this, I couldn't help but...smile...

After all that he has put people through, all of the hate that he has shown to everyone, it's all starting to come back on him. I know that it's wrong, and I know that this makes me no better than he was, but from what he put me through, I subconsciously could not help but be at least a little bit happy to hear that news. The other part of me actually feels sorry for him. He actually had potential as an artist but he threw it all away. It hurts me to hear that about another human being, because I have been in some very dark times with almost no one around to reach out to, and here he is in one of those positions. Karma is a bitch, but that doesn't mean I have any right to shove it in his face. The last thing people want to hear in a dark time is someone else showing that they at least did something with their life while the other's has faded away.

I don't know what or how to feel about this... All I know is, I still don't want to talk to or see this Ed person, even if he is in a bad time right now.



I love you guys, don't ever forget that.
 AnthemTheMalamutt

Season 5 premieres on April 4th!! :D More info listed here;
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2015/03/season-5-of-my-little-pony-friendship.html?m=1

You guys have NO IDEA how excited I am for this!! :D

Love,
 AnthemTheMalamutt