I know it has been a long time since I have posted anything or said anything on my page. I hoped that with each posting would be good things, but sadly this is not the case............

Before coming to Fur, there was a huge event in my life that changed me greatly. If anyone has ever read my Mortal, Angel and Demon's Tome, then it is well known that my life was not as great. And for the longest time I have been searching for the on thing that my heart has longed for. A year ago, I thought that I have finally found it when a girl that I knew for a long time said those three words that shattered the darkness in me. And she was the first one out of my entire life to say those three words to me. Added to my amazement, two more girls I knew longer admit their feelings and even coming here a single girl admitted her feelings as well. For the first time, I finally felt at ease and that small feeling of hope as well.

But sadly, it didn't last long.....

Recently I have learned the true reason that 'Hikari' admitted her feelings for me was because she wanted to give me that one thing I have been looking while putting herself in a position that she was never comfortable with as she felt she was never really ready in the first place. Rather then making her feeling guilty, I gave her the choice to either try to continue and work it out or end it, well it is easy to see what choice she made.

I know alot of people are wondering why i haven't picked one of the girls yet. The reason is that I wanted to give each one of them a chance as I love and cared for each of them, until the day that each of us would meet in person ad see if the relationship can really be formed from a online to a real one.

If anyone out there that is even reading this and are wondering on what is the point I am getting at....... well there isn't a point. I know that there is no one out there that can help me at this point or make things better. True I have three other girls that I still love and care about, but 'Hikari' special as she was the first one to truly see past my dark history and gave me the love and hope that I needed as badly as a person in a desert needs water. But sadly I know that I am going to have to face this alone as with all other problems I have to deal with in the past.

I guess that deep down, I for once would like to be saved.......

MaveriKat, one of my best friends and people that I trust, is on Fur and I do feel a bit of envious towards him as I know that he has alot of friends here that look out for each other, trust each other and even try to cheer each other up with a artwork or something. Sometimes I wished for those moments but I know that such things may never happen........

Even I doubt that anything will be changed even when I post this, since I am still uncertain that my thoughts and feelings will go unheard of as always.......

Anyway, I better stop here before I lose track of what I wanted to say. I still have to continue on living, fighting a endless battle with whatever life throws at me with a heavy heart of sadness and emotional conflict.......

I started playing Resident Evil 5 and its a fun game but the AI is not that great as with most games. So I figure I try the online options with other player but as also with the internet I keep being paired up with -censor- that boot you off if you a a sec behind them.

So I figure I give it a shot and see if there is anyone here that has played and/or beaten RE5 that can help me out.

My gamertag: APienkoss

((This posting is just something to kill the time until my friends arrive ^^u ))

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APienkoss was relaxing on his couch as he was listening to Gina G's "Oh Ah Just a little bit".

"Nothing else to do at the moment." APienkoss said to himself, "Wish something interesting would happen."

Suddenly, the TV set turned on and a tan skinned, long white haired woman in robes slipped through and appeared in the living room.

"Hi there." Urd, from Ah My Goddess, said with a smile.

"Beside that." APienkoss said with a flat tone and flat stare.

Suddenly Urd's fist hit APienkoss' head, causing him to cover his head in pain.

"Watch it you brat." Urd said.

APienkoss sat up and cracked his neck, "Anyway, what brings you here?"

Urd smirked as she placed her hands behind her back, "Oh just here to see how you are doing, what's new........ seeing if you have a harem yet......."

APienkoss sighed as he got up with a sweat drop, "There you go again with the harem bit."

"Come on, you have visited infinite number of worlds and you are over a Trillion years old." Urd said, "Most guys your age would have some action by now."

APienkoss sweat drop as he pulled a soda out of the fridge, "Uh, most people my age would be atoms scattered across the universe. And beside, I'm the guy that is invisible to the female eye when it comes to romance."

Urd rolled her eyes as she softly said, "And you are so dense......"

APienkoss came back and sat back down on the couch and pulls out his laptop from his coat, "And just to prove to you once and for all....."

APienkoss then begins to type out:

Single, multiverse traveling, Legendary Shy boy
that is still a virgin is open to all the females out there
So if you got the time and drive to tame this stallion
then come and get me.

"And send......." APienkoss said as he click on the pad.

Urd sweat drop, "What kind of posting is that?"

APienkoss shrugged and lean back on his couch, "Anyway, watch as in a few days there will be no responses and it will prove my point."

I know I have been quiet and such but I had a interesting run in on St. Patrick night.

Myself and my friend were out in his car, coming back from the mall. We stopped at a stop light and went when it turned green. But as soon as we crossed, a drunk driver ran the red light and hit the car, at my side.......

It happened so fast that all I remember my friend screaming shit and then black. The next thing I remember was coming to in a room at the hospital and finding everyone there shocked and happy. Apparently I was considered 'dead' at the scene because I wasn't responding and my vital readings were low. The best the doctors could explain was that my nerves and mind were shook up and in shock from the impact. They were surprised by another fact that I only got a few cuts and some bruises on my body and nothing broken nor permanently damaged at all.

^^u And who says my life is not interesting

I know that lately my journal postings have been down and such but this one is more of a reflecting question ^^u

This happened on the week before my birthday, and I work at a super market, and it was around evening when there was a bit of commotion outside. I turn from sacking and saw that another sacker was outside with a dog on a leash. Long story short, while he was out bringing in carts, a man came up to him with the said dog and just handed him the dog and left. In short the man just abandon the dog right there. There were some worry with the workers and some costumers because they knew if they turn in the dog, the dog would not have much long to live if no one would claim or adopt him. So I figure I take him until my family either decides to keep him or find him a home ourselves. And so far he is still living at my home. What I find strange is that Harley, named because of the Harley Davidson collar, is a very well trained dog, about the age of a puppy wise.

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v194/APienkoss/?action=view&current=securedownload.jpg

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v194/APienkoss/?action=view&current=securedownload2.jpg

Now I told that story to get to the point of this post, even since then a lady that was there that night comes to the stores for her own reason and whenever she sees me, she says 'Heaven has a place for you' or 'You're a true hero.' that kind of thing. It feels weird for me to hear that because I am not use to those kind of acknowledgement, read A Mortal, A Angel and A Demon's Tome to see what I mean.

Guess I am asking is how does one that doesn't think of himself as a hero should react to those kind of acknowledgment?

Well come Feb 9th will be my 25th birthday.

While other peopl may be excited for their birthdays and others draed that day as they get older, to me; as of lately I really don't feel excited or dread. More on the lines of being sad.

Mostly because ever since my 18th birthday, I had to celebrate my birthday's alone. As for my family and friends are either busy/working their jobs/don't have enough money to plan anything and so on. And since then it has been like this, ^^u almost to the point where my birthdays don't seem that important.

I know I hear that I should take the matter into my own hands and such, but if everyone is either busy with their lives or don't have enough money to plan or do anything, then I really can't force anyone to do anything. And every birthday I always wished that everyone I care about has a good day and are happy. If they are then it does bring some comfort.

And I am surprised that I am writing this out since I never understand on writing out your thoughts and feelings to other people. ^^u then again, this is coming from a guy that mostly keeps to himself as not that many want to listen to what I have to say and feel.

And that enough drama for now ^^u.

Taken from Fluffball http://www.furaffinity.net/user/fluffball/

A: Easy to Fall in Love With
B: You Like People
C: You Are Really Silly
D: One in a Million
E: Great in Bed
F: You Love To Drink
G: You Never Let People Tell You What to Do
H: You Are Quirky
I: You Are Popular with All Types of People
J: People Adore You
K: You're Wild and Crazy
L: Unbelievably Great in Bed
M: Best Kisser Ever
N: You Like to Drink
O: Crazy
P: Great in Bed
Q: You Are a Hypocrite
R: F*cking Crazy
S: You Are Dead Sexy
T: You're Loyal to Those You Love
U: You Really like to Chill
V: You are Not Judgmental
W: You are Very Broad Minded
X: You Never Let People Tell You What to Do
Y: best boy/girl anyone could ask for
Z: Always Ready

Ok My real name:

A: Easy to Fall in Love With
L: Unbelievably Great in Bed
E: Great in Bed
X: You Never Let People Tell You What to Do
A: Easy to Fall in Love With
N: You Like to Drink
D: One in a Million
E: Great in Bed
R: F*cking Crazy

Well I can see some parts of this is true, from drinking red/white wine on some occasions to be Insane when it comes to some ideas but one thing I am confuse about.......... =O.O= How can I be great in bed when I haven't even been kissed on the cheek before by a girl?

And for my online name:

A: Easy to Fall in Love With
P: Great in Bed
I: You Are Popular with All Types of People
E: Great in Bed
N: You Like to Drink
K: You're Wild and Crazy
O: Crazy
S: You Are Dead Sexy
S: You Are Dead Sexy

Ok some parts of this is true for my onlines self but again....... =O.O= Great in bed and Dead Sexy?

To everyone out in the Fur Affinity I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and to those that believe in other religions, a good season to relax and fun.

While I figure I might not get much this year, I still want to give gift so luckily this weekend there is a anime convention in downtown Houston.

So to:

MaveriKat

Fluffball

Xero_Prime & Jennet Wolfskunk

OzzyLotte

^^ Be prepared and Merry Christmas

To get rid of the 'dark thought' entry, I figure I post this question to the Gold Digger fans out there.

After reading Jennet Wolfskunk post on her page, it also got me to thinking............

What is my top fav, top ten or so on, list for the GD girls?

^^u I know I expect no one to answer that question, just wanted to 'get this off my chest' and see how people rate their favs and such.

And as to how I got into Gold Digger in the first place, you can thank Maverikat with his old Ranma 1/2 abd Gold Digger fic Broken Hearts Combined. And actually, now that I think of it, if I haven't read the fic then I wouldn't have become APienkoss of today so in retrospect, one can say that Maverikat is my 'dad' in a writer sense.

Anyway, back to the main question, how does anyone else rate their fav GD character and for the heck of it, who are your top ten favs?

Ever get one of those days where you know you are good at what you do but at the same time you can't do it. Well I have that moment and it has been building up to this point......

Normally I write fan fiction with anime crossovers; the more unique it is, the better it gets. Heck i could come up with a idea for a Yugioh/Gold Digger series if I wanted to. The problem I am facing is my creative flow or outlet to be more precise.

I may not be a artist by trade, but I figure that each one has a outlet of some sort. Mine was doing Roleplaying with other people online. With that, I was writing up a storm.......

But recent events showed that I was a bit 'complex' with roleplaying ideas, or the root of the problem was that no one really understood my character 'APienkoss' history, how he thinks, feels, seen and so on. There were even times that I got insults and even called a 'arrogant God'.

Because of that, like a river, my creative flow is about as dried as a riverbed in a bed drought. Its even a bit harder to write out the next Furless chapter.

Even as I am typing this, I have no idea of why I am doing this; since I really do not know that much people around here. I have hoped that by coming here to Fur Affinity to start over and meet new people. But now I just have doubts. I know I may not find a answer by typing this, just felt like I have no other outlet to speak my mind.

So now I'll leave this up to who ever reads this, since I just needed to get this out.

To those of you who are wondering where the heck I was, I am in Day 3 of the aftermath of Ike that passed through the state of Texas.

Lucky the town that I live in didn't get hits has bad, although there were fallen tree branches and said trees themsleves, broken fences torn down power lines and some trees falling on some unlucky people's home.

But in truth it is wasn't as bad, of course that is not saying as much for the poor people in galvestion and the surrounding islands, the water and gas lines still work and 90% of the power lines in my town are underground. And there are some power restored in some parts of my home town so it is just a matter of when it happens happens.

So to Maverikat, Xero, Jenn, Fluffball and others that are wondering, I'm alive as with everyone else in my life have said, It will take a alot more then a storm to kill me ^^u

I started writing a series for this site called Furless, which is about my avatar self in a world based on Fur Affinity.

And I am more of a writer since I can't even draw a stick figure correctly ^^uuuuuuuuuuu Sad thing I know.

So far it stars me and Maverikat but anyone else can be a part of the series as well.

Your avatar self or your own characters can be part of it, just PM me information about your avatar self or your character, since I want to be as 100% true as possibly .

That's about it

^^u I haven't been posting the rest of my commissions as I should have, but alot has happened for the last two day.

One of my good friends lost her mother recently and I won't say what happen exactly out of respect for her. But it is not easy for her and her family......

I have alot of mixed feelings about this, and I can only hope for the best of her family and be there for her and do the best I can for her as a friend.

This morning after alot of thought I posted a short fic, which I am more of a Writer then a Artist, about my childhood. I personally believed that some stories should be told so that others may learn alot from it.

Anyway, thats it for this post otherwise I'll ramble on and on ^^u

^^u Have no idea on what to say/write here since I really can't draw that well and I am new to this site.

More then likely I'll post commission from Fred Perry and other artist as well.

(bows) Thank you for the time.........

?????: Lets not forget one little detail........

AP: (looks annoyed with a threatening look on his face) Don't you dare.........

????: he is also know as the Legendary Shy Boy!!!

(APienkoss growls as he fires a blast above him and hit the voice over head.)

?????: OW!

AP: (looks up) I did warn you!

?????: (smirking) What's wrong with letting people know that you never had a experince with the female gender, have a shyness of little boy and a virgin as well. Who knows maybe there are people out there that would like to break the Legendary........

(APienkoss' face turned red as he rapid fire blast the over, head voice while shouting 'Shut Up' in perfect sync with each blast. Soon the top half of the scene is charred black with a heavy breathing APienkoss. He then eeps as he slowly turns to face everyone and then blsuhes shyly.)

"Uhhhhhhhh....... gotta go!" He said as he runs off in a chibi-form.