never did finish this thingthang.

first nine commentators get featured along with three pics i like from their galleries. artists only, please. ♥

if you comment, you have to do this in your journal as well. after all, it's only fair!

1.  rihelim
:D
Request - sideik666
Her again

2.  ranft
Run Esme! Run!
Philip.
3 electronics

3.  rainbow
navigate the sea
A BOWL OF PEPPERS
NEW SPECIES - WRAITH DEER

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

yeah man, i've got all this free time and nothin' to do except spam you with journals, so guess what i'm doing!

I'M DOING EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING. WOOO.

translation: i'mma do some character designs for $5 base price, with potential extra depending on the amount of detail going into this character. i can negotiate and i MIGHT do trades, but that's a big maybe. you're free to inquire about that.

only taking money via paypal. sorry.
also, don't pay until i send you the lines, please.

what you get from me is a flat-colored, full-body drawing of a character of my design, based on your specifications. if you want an outfit design for the character as well, you'll get a nude (CLEAN) version as well as a clothed one. THIS IS NOT A REFSHEET. please don't go into this expecting a really detailed character sheet including five different angles or something because i really can't do something that complex for only five dollars, and even then it'd take forever. and i have a life. sort of.

things that i ABSOLUTELY require of you are sex, age, species (humans and the like are welcome, yes, and hybrids are too i guess), colors, and clothing/none.

you're free to use the picture as you please and you can repost it wherever, but please do not remove my signature, and give me credit when necessary. but, i think this should go without saying.

also, if you're curious about this, don't leave a comment here. note me or IM me or something. i don't rly like giving my paypal address out in public, you see.

EXAM-PLZ:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5079784/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4679335/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3828876/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4707342/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4365161/ (except it's shaded)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2936505/ (old)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2818922/ (also old)

not doin' a queue because i'm taking as many as i can until i decide to stop.

hope to hear from you. ;D

FINALLY GETTING SOME HOURS TODAY. FUCK. YES.

it's 40 degs outside which is REALLY nice since lately it's been about 10 degrees at best and in the high negatives regularly. i can only hope this means we'll be busy today. i've had really bad luck lately; i'll go in and not a single customer shows up all day. such is the way of the ice rink

tomorrow (and technically the day after) is my eight-hour nightshift, 10PM to 6AM. it's gonna be a party. i plan to bring my DS and PSP as well as my usual deck of playing cards, so i should be able to entertain myself even when nobody's on the ice. in the event that there's a nearby wifi signal i can hijack, i MIGHT be able to keep in touch with some people by messenger on my PSP, but don't count on it. i'll also PROBABLY be busy, since there are supposedly over 200 people registered for the event. and that is a lot of skates to be handing out to people, even over the course of eight hours. >_> i've worked eight-hour days there before where we had only a few below 200 people come in, and the whole days were always quite busy.

so yeah. night shifts for a night owl! feels good, man. MONEYYY.

no

so my boss calls me a few minutes after i wake up (MAGIC! he has a habit of doing this actually, it's pretty weird) and informs me that the people who were scheduled to go in to help today WERE NOT THERE, so he needed me to be there to hold down the fort so he could leave and get shit done.

so i was like SURE MAN I CAN TOTALLY DO THAT, WE COOL WE COOL and told him i'd start walking as soon as i got dressed, because yeah, like hell i'm gonna pass up this opportunity to get an extra heading on my paycheck.

naturally as soon as i say the word "walk" he takes back the offer. "OH SHIT BUT I NEED SOMEBODY HERE RIGHT AWAY. THAT AIN'T GONNA WORK, BROSKI."

fffffffffffffffffffffuck man

at least i'm getting some hours tomorrow, and then on friday i'm working from 10PM to 6AM (FUCK YEAH NOCTURNAL...NESS), so that's money. that is most definitely money. dk if it's really gonna be a LOT of money, but it'll compensate. i guess.

it just bothers me when people get my hopes up like this and then literally five seconds later, "OOPS NEVERMIND LOL." i mean come on, he knew i don't have a car. and it only takes practically ten minutes for me to walk there anyway, even if it's cold and snowy and okay you know what, fuck that shit.

getting that wall of text off my page

yeah so i pretty much never even use this site anymore. why are you even here reading this, god damn.

go here

I really did not want to have to say this. Without exceptions, I feel awful every time I post something rantish because I don't wanna come across as an asshole to the people who actively watch me, especially since most (if not all) of those people are good friends of mine. I don't want people to shy away from talking to me, and I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. I don't want to complain so much that everyone feels guilty and piles pity on me with a rhetorical dumptruck, because then I feel bad. Even so, believe it or not, I'm another one of those little buttmonkeys who thrives on praise, who wants to be wanted. It's just hard for me to express this most of the time, having, up until recently, lived an entire life of being told that what interests me is of no value, the things in which I take pride are not deserving of it, and showing emotions is undesirable.

But that's another story entirely, and one that I may tell later, when I've a mind to organize those thoughts into a single essay.

This is about my Livestream channel. I've been running it for a long time now and it's seen its share of high moments. I've gotten great reception with my free sketch streams, and my short-lived LPs have gotten a fair amount of viewers as well. It seems, however, that whenever I switch to streaming a single drawing or something otherwise "selfish," that my viewer count dwindles. Normally I'd have no problem with this. My art is not good enough to really worry about publicizing myself, and my fanbase is non-existent. It makes sense that people would not want to stick around to watch something in which they have no interest, when they could easily be doing something else.

What does bother me about this is the way people have been communicating their disinterest. I'll have people pop into the stream (sometimes new faces from here on furaffinity, or people referred by The Regulars, or otherwise people I've just never seen before), and they'll ask me to draw them a picture, and when I say that I'm not taking requests, they get huffy and leave.

I can understand the desire for a free picture and I can understand being disappointed when you think you'll get something and you don't. What I cannot understand, however, is making a huge deal out of it like I'm somehow the bad guy here for not doing you a free favor. This response I'm getting from some of you? It is a slap in the face.

I feel my artwork is being seriously cheapened by this. If the only way I can get people interested in my drawings is to give out free furry porn or to draw anime characters being "kawaii," then everything else I've been doing has lost its purpose. My desire to do something bigger and more exciting is overshadowed by the immediate need of non-artists to get their fix through me, for free, no strings attached. It's like being a professional ballet dancer forced into prostitution, or a respectable pharmacist selling crack on the streets after work.

I'm sorry, but if nobody cares about my art unless it's for their immediate satisfaction, then I'm done with streaming. I am NOT in this just do sketches for free my whole life; free sketch streams were a way of getting people interested in my better work and possibly commissioning in the future. If a sketch is all people want, so be it. I'm done. It's a waste of bandwidth and energy to keep doing this for an audience that's unwilling to even care.

went and did a major cleanup of my gallery

i feel tidy now (:

if you like games, YOU SHOULD HELP ME WITH MINE. :D

http://dr-nusakan.deviantart.com/journal/37873625/

h

for maximum beens.

and you know it is.

don't lie.

before i get to the point of this journal, lemme just say that this is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. </talesnerdddd>

anyway: first nine commentators get featured along with three pics i like from their galleries. artists only, please. ♥

if you comment, you have to do this in your journal as well. after all, it's only fair!

1.  rihelim
:D
Request - sideik666
Her again

2.  ranft
Run Esme! Run!
Philip.
3 electronics

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

just in case anyone was curious (and probably nobody was), that last journal wasn't about a real person. it was pretty much a fancy way of saying HEY GUESS WHAT I HAVE A NEW ICON

the specific lines are from a poem/song. i seem to have a habit of associating old english and celtic music with my character laura, who happens to be the unrequited love of diaus, the dude in my icon. wow that sure was a long-winded explanation for something nobody cares about. this seems to be becoming a habit for me. i mean, jeez, lookit that refsheet that only three people will ever read!

also i guess i never updated my FA journal re: the eye issue. i've been taking eyedrops lately and they're helping. my eye is pretty much back to normal now. i appreciate everybody's concern. stuff is chill.

might be doing some free sketch requests again soon. keep your eyes peeled.

of my true love's hair.
her lips are like a rose so fair.
she's got the sweetest face, the gentlest hands...
i love the ground whereon she stands.

the pain would not go away so i took some ibuprofen. it took a while to kick in and i was freaking out, so i texted mom (she was at work) and told her i was scared and i wanted to see a doctor. she went ahead and booked an appointment. luckily, dad was still home at the time, and he agreed to drive me there, but he was not very happy about it since he's expecting his new netbook to arrive by UPS and he wanted someone at home to intercept it. as expected, i got quite the earful on the way to the hospital.

mom was understanding about things and she walked me to the place i needed to be, and she stayed there with me in the doctor's office. the doctor himself was a pretty nice guy and he did a pretty thorough examination, but even with that and all the information i gave him, there wasn't enough evidence to make a diagnosis. the guy had ophthalmologist training but he lacked the gear, so he went ahead and got me a referral to another ophthalmologist and i'll be getting a call soon to book an appointment.

the doctor said it was probably an infection of some sort, but it was doubtfully serious. this is a relief for me, as well as a triumph; i KNEW it wasn't just allergies. fucking optometrists.

also got a flu shot on the way out even though i didn't think it was necessary. mom, on the other hand, pretty much insisted.

also the ibuprofen is dying and my headache is kicking back in. hrrrrgh.

anyway, all in all this is good for me. hopefully i can get the next appointment soon and we can resolve this bullshit once and for all.

i knew this was coming

my eye is bright red and leaking yellow discharge very steadily

there is a dull ache on the right side of the back of my head and a sharp pain in the front, reaching all the way up my forehead and midway across the top of my head, where it stops. the left side feels fine; the right side feels heavy

i think i need to go to the hospital but i don't want to anger my parents

my eye is now not only leaking discharge at all times and extremely itchy and stinging at all times

but it also FUCKING HURTS.

i can't even blink uyghhhh

i'm really not that active on this site.

if you'd like to better keep tabs on me, try my deviantart account. <3
http://dr-nusakan.deviantart.com/

i know not everyone on here uses dA as well, and that causes some problems. buuut i just don't draw that many animalheads, and dA is where my RL friends (and most of my friends in general) are, so it's really just a lot easier for me to use that.

i'll try and keep using FA as regularly as i can, but life has become really really busy for me recently.

because this fucking owl will not leave me alone.

it started one night when i was laying in bed unable to sleep (i have really bad insomnia, in case you are unaware), and suddenly this very clear image of an owl appears in front of me in my mind's eye. his wings are spread out to the sides, he's swooping down toward me, in between me and the bedposts, not to attack me but to land on my knee. and as soon as he lands, the vision is gone. after that, i slept for the rest of the night.

the image of the owl has been coming back to me every now and then. the other day i was feeling very sick and i kept waking up and going back asleep all throughout the day, and i felt very lightweight and weak and unable to get myself out of bed. in between bouts of unconsciousness, i saw the owl sitting perched on the top of my bedpost, looking at me from the corner of its eye. i'd just assumed the owl was male until this event, but for some reason this vision made it very clear to me that the owl was female. then i passed out again and was able to get out of bed later in the day. still felt kind of crappy, though.

there've been a couple other "sightings" after those two, with bits of new "information" revealed each time. apparently the owl's name is frimelda. also, i'm pretty sure she's a barn owl. i went and looked up a bunch of owl pictures to see what species she most resembled, and the barn owl is pretty much a spitting image. she has a white front with faint black speckling on her stomach feathers, and her back and the backs of her wings are a grayish brown, like damp tree bark, but with some white and tan mottling. she's got the barn owl face. as far as size goes, i'd say she's about...maybe a foot and a half tall, possibly larger, at the most.

anyway i haven't been paying this a lot of mind. i normally have very vivid dreams and they sometimes extend into my half-asleep hours, and i figure this is just another part of that. but analysis of dream symbols and stuff is kind of interesting to me, and this one's been appearing a lot lately, so...i dunno. what do you gather?

I'M CAPTAIN BASCH.

that is all.

IT BE DONE.

i am back.

just gonna leave this here

also: still on hiatus. haters gonna hate.