I'm still here, just kinda distant from FA aside from looking at stuff. I've been very lazy or unmotivated as of a few years back to share/post any of my commissions and art I've amassed. The latter, kinda makes it harder for me to sift through them and just post anything.

Other than that, not sure what else to say that's new or interesting. (to anyone for that matter)

Not sure who is gonna read this or to whom it might matter (friends?) but I am posting this just to let anyone know I am still here. I've just been procrastinating a lot in general, in art/commission posting and life. The latter needs to change sadly... for better rather than worse. (hopefully)

Thank you to everyone for showing support, even random strangers which I usually and honestly brush off just because I am socially awkward and my thoughts about humanity are just piss-poor over the years.

That aside, I got home earlier today after my ordeal/hospitalization and I am feeling OK... for now.

My extreme pain and reaction (projectile vomiting for sure) was because I was passing a 3mm kidney stone. I still have it in me but I'm not 100% sure. As my first time experience with this me and my body basically almost went ape-shit to say the least, which explains my reactions and being nervous as all hell for 30-45 mins.

I'm already on meds and drinking water so there's not much else to say I guess.

I had a pain in what feels like my appendix and started puking. The pain wasn't going away so I had my step sister call 911.

I'm waiting to get checked on and the pain is gone but I still feel bad because I just don't know what's wrong or if I overreacted. Still... I Never had pain like this before.

It's today and I don't really know what to say about it other than it's been nice and OK. I'm counting a few nice things in previous days from certain friends as part as why my B-day is just OK and nice. Also of course the drawings I've gotten. (which will be posted eventually because I am behind on posting drawings)

I don't know if being pissed off at "mother nature" is even remotely "logical", but at this point I just don't know anymore.

Just this moment, a few minutes ago from this journal, there was YET ANOTHER DAMN quake. This one lasted 1 second, compared to other 5 (yes, it's been THAT MANY or MORE) that have been felt in the spawn of LESS THAN 1 WEEK.

What a "GREAT" start to 2020... assuming there is even gonna BE a 2020 for me or my entire home island.

Power is back on... and I just pray and hope we get a damn break from Earthquakes... We've yet to recover from Hurrican Maria so this is just overkill...

This shit almost gave me PTSD from Hurricane Maria. Half the island losing power, but instead of high-speed wins it was quakes. And frankly, just feeling the ground shake... and thinking of running outside and leaving EVERYTHING behind paints a really fucking somber image in my head.

Whenever I felt the quakes I felt extremely powerless or tired even... my hands shook and my legs felt weak for some reason. I honestly don't know why.

I've just felt a total of 4 quakes in the span of 2 days... Is the world ending or what?

Jesus Christ....

I can't even type this on my phone calmly because as i type this I feel like I'm moving still from having to experience 3 of them in less than than 45 minutes. Im that paranoid or scared.


It's been like 30 minutes since the last one as I type or send this and the power is out... And here I am scared and pissed off due to some BS that I just heard from my step dad. Im not gonna explain but it involved our cat and me NOT leaving them behind because of my step dad's ineptitude....

Thanks to everyone for your concern and well wishes on my earthquake journal. I'm just lucky I've yet to experience a "real" bad one. stuff moving around and falling-kinda bad.

Just felt a big one a few minutes ago. like 15 mins from this message...

I say "big" but that's because we rarely feel anything like what I did. In short, I felt like I was back on the damn cruise ship... and my chair was moving left and right. Mind you it wasn't as bad.

Thanks nature for almost ruining my already stressful night and friend-stream with that.

Yeah... Just what I needed... Some PTSD from Maria. There's a goddamn Hurricane warning on my home island and just damn happen to be in the area of warning.

If i go missing again... If anyone even cares, you'll know why.

My 7 day cruise ship vacation has ended. I had some lows and highs... No pun intended due to being over seas.

I'll maybe share more if I feel like it and/or after testing.

I'll be leaving tomorrow to be overseas for 7 days... a bit anxious but also hoping nothing stupid or annoying happens. It's been years since my last cruise. I remember it being great and such.

I can't believe where the time has went... it feels like things have been moving both slow and fast lately since Mom passed away. For some reason this birthday comes as a surprise to me. I think it's because Mom used to remind me about it or nudge/tease me if I wanted anything or something for my birthday.


I honestly don't expect much or anything anymore. Not because Mom is gone, but because Birthday's seem to get a bit "predictable" or the same each year? I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud I guess... I'm trying not to be too negative about this.

"What else could be said of my mom that wasn't said already? She was an angel in human clothing. If she could give an arm or an leg to help someone, she would. When she couldn't help someone physically, she would in spirit. Now that her mission is done, she was taken back from where she came..."

That's a slightly rough spanish-2-english translation to what I said about mom in the last day I had to see her.

As some of you know, my mom died about a week ago. The exact date is unknown to me... I think it was on August 11 or 12. I was there with her when the doctor came to the room and told us her days were numbered. From that day forward, my mind started to prepare for the worst...

The day the doctor said that to us was because she had problems eating, her intestines to be precise. The operation may have been a "success" but sadly all it did was prolong her suffering... it may have bought us a few days with her but the cost was not worth it... Mom got worse from there on. Eventually, a clot of some sort formed in her intestines, and from there... I have never seen her in so much or cry out for help or relief before...

Mom's last day with us came about as a combination of her operation, the cancer that came/was in her from it, the chemotherapy we hoped would have helped her and the pain she had to suffer. When I saw her in the hospital bed I had no idea she had passed on... I thought she was sleeping... that's how peaceful she went.

I had to shed tears to write this... and my life will never be the same again... but I am for the most part OK... As I said before I prepared myself for this day long ago... but the feeling of waking up and me not being able to see her physically will linger for a long time...

If you read this far and were someone who showed support in my previous journal I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEARTH. My mom's passing was not in vain... she brought together a lot of people... strangers and family members I didn't know I had.

Standing in front of my mom.... Unable to open her eyes.... It's a new and horrible feeling...

I'll be fine and if anyone even cares I'll write down what happened later.... For now I need to grief and recover...

I feel bad for forgetting this or not replying individually to the birthday wishes I got. If you were 1 of those people and are reading this, thank you all.

With everything that's happened here lately, from Hurricane Maria to literally "losing" Mom for a few seconds, I've almost forgotten that I had birthday...

As with last year (or any future birthdays) I do not expect anything special or fancy anymore. If something does happen, it will probably be later or on June 12, which is my middle bro's birthday. Mom and family usually like to celebrate our birthdays together on that day due to convenience.

I meant to post this sooner, but I procrastinated and forgot...

Mom has been out of the hospital for 2 days now. She can do things on her own but as always, heavy lifting and such is very obvious NO-GO. I will help her out as much as I can even with minor things since I'm the only one home 24/7.

The reason mom got released so late was because the doctors were waiting for her white blood-count to go up. That being said... a lot happened the day she had to be put into a machine and tubes... No one told me mom actually and/or technically DIED for a few seconds... or that she was NOT breather the entire time she was hooked up to that machine and tubes.

Regardless... I'm just glad she's ok now... for the most part. This house will never be the same with 4 grown men in it...

I want to Thank everyone for the support given to me and her. I only recently was made aware that my birthday is coming up... all this has left me and my bros in chaos. I think having mom home is gonna be the best gift I get this year...

Currently spending the night with her in a private room at the hospital. She's not in tubes anymore and can speak, if just barely.... But is in no condition to be doing anything on her own.

I will likely spend the entire night with her until someone takes my place tomorrow.

Currently at the hospital watching over mom after fainting or something from her chemotherapy. She's stabilized...

I hate seeing her with tubes and suchlike coming from her mouth or hands. I don't know all the details but I knew chemotherapy would eventually do something bad to her... Now I'm getting "PTSD" from when we found out about her pancreas problem.

I need to start setting my mind to what home would be like...

Let's see what 2018 has for the world because god knows 2017 had a lot of shit and whatnot. But then again... we always complain about the last year and all the bad stuff. Obviously for me and the people of my home island, the end of this year was just bad. (To not say more vulgar stuff)

We managed to make our neighbor cry because of all the things we did for him during the time we had no power or gas even.

I finally managed to get my PC, built from parts, to run and such. I'm using it to write this but already I'm getting red flags from FA. Viruses, trojans and hacktools.

Can anyone recommend me something form this? Does Malwarebits work?

Just thought I'd drop another update just because I'm not sure what else to talk about to be honest...

According to the news, at least 65% of my home island has power now, but people are mad that someone made a bold statement saying that come December, we'd have 80% restored power. That wasn't the case sadly.

There is still a LOT of fallen/teetering trees and light posts around the streets, combined with debris from said things. So long as it's out of the way or not organic-debris/waste I wont complain, but I guess the power is more important right now. There is still a lot of places without traffic lights due to hurricane blowing/destroying the lights or just the whole power issue that we still are plagued with.

At home, there is a sense of "normality" restored with us having power and light. All that's really left is for the WIFI internet to return (Currently tethering WIFI from my phone-service to the laptop) and for Mom to be in less pain and recover fully. She's mobile now on her own (mostly) and able to cook and such... though we insist she doesn't. I guess is just a "Mom thing".

Mom was given the OK to leave the hospital last night, and has been staying home since then. To be honest, I'd rather she stayed... But mom hates being cooped up, the intense cold and she already caught a cough there...

The reason I wanted her to stay is because she can barely walk or eat, she's still a bit YELLOW but what I don't like the most is the drainage tube sticking out of her stitched stomach...

I don't like to see Mom all hooked up to stuff like that... But I understand that being in one's home is better than anything. I'm glad she's doing better... And that family members are willing to come home and lend a hand, as it was the case with 3 of my aunts who cleaned the house for her/us.