I want to make and use stickers soooo


anyone wanna add me to telegram?

@ coraxe is me

I really want to make a couple purchases so is anyone selling or do you know anyone who is open that you trust?

I'm taking commissions indefinitely.

Cause I need money and more to do on here.

(btw to everyone who did the freebie- didn't even choose a number, so i will just doodle something for everyone who commented on the journal 23 days ago. Sorry about that guys. Loads of shit dumped on me at once kept me from actually participating in that. My bad. Note me if you want a simple 1 character flat)

Everything is back up and running...think I fixed all the problems.

Now, to get my car fixed thursday. I'll be golden then.

Come read my stuff.

https://www.patreon.com/snowmuttzstuff

I am so close to quitting...

fixed my imac. works perfect again.

now my cintiq's screen keeps flickering gray when i try to use it...and Wacom doesn't have the foggiest clue as to why.

I thought it was my adapters drivers, but turns out it isn't, I guess.

works fine on my pC. just not on my mac..

because I am missing drawing stuff for people.

Tips are welcome, but not required.

I'm guessing a number between 1 and 15.

Three people to guess correctly or close enough get a waist up.

Rules:
Must be a watcher.

And must tell me something nice about my art...because I need some positive feedback in my life.

Me.

I booked a doctors appointment but nevertheless I am scared shit less. The pain has been getting worse and worse, where normally it was gone after a couple of moments. Now its continuous.

I tend to over think and over exaggerate on things, but I am freaking the fuck out.

https://www.patreon.com/snowmuttzstuff

its snowmutt. Snowmutt.

And when I mean it I mean my iMac...


and when I mean heart I mean harddrive...cause it died...


half way done...now to get the parts >>


btw, the inside of my iMac is DUSTY AS FAWK. Anyone have any good tips on how to clean it right so i don't damage anything?

I'm talking six years of dust build up. Its the first time I actually every cracked it open.

Mkay...so...I hate money.

I hate everything about it.

I hate it when people tell me money can't buy happiness. Or money isn't everything. Or money is the root of all evil.

Well, the last one I agree on but anyway...

I hate it. I hate having to spend it. I hate having to work my ass off to earn only enough to pay my rent...when my rent is already late.

And if anyone asks, yes I did try budgeting. I cut back as far as I could go without it effecting my life. I cut back on pleasures, and I haven't bought anything for myself in nearly a year. Except on things my girlfriend nearly forced me to buy to replace what I lost.

I hate living paycheck to paycheck and not getting anywhere because of it. I can't even invest properly on the measly wages I earn. Which is awful! I work 40 hours a week, I shouldn't have to be scraping by this badly...I really shouldn't. The system is flawed and I feel like there is no other way out...

Except to get a second job. Another full time job. I'm just tired of this bullshit of not having money for the basic life things. IE; cars breaking down and needing repairs, bills to be paid continuously on time and not having to be late on anything. Having a nice fat emergency fund if someone or some animal needs to go to the emergency room or vet immediately. Even if we are sitting at home watching tv and suddenly realize our tv needs to be replaced...we can just hop in the car, go purchase a new one and move on with our lives. Not having to wonder how long it will take to just earn the money needed to even buy a new one. To have some credit cards with a reasonable spending limit to use for fuel in our vehicles and not have to worry about them going delinquent. If I get a surprise bill that is a little more then I anticipated, it would be no sweat. Just dip into the savings and move on.

I would like my credit to be high enough where I can actually get a good mortgage with a low interest rate, or receive a loan if or when I would actually need one.

My girlfriend really doesn't want me to, but I am sick of not being able to properly provide for my family. What if we have kids? I will be damned to raise them in a trailer park. Or needing to buy them clothes from good will because we can't afford to get them nice things to wear. Or new things to have. I want a brand new car because I've had nothing but problems with used cars. I am sick of it.

And if I have to put in 80 hours a week, then for fucks sake I will do it.

I'm just sick of living like this when I know a lot of individuals around me live the same way as me. I don't want to anymore. I refuse to stay in fucking poverty for the rest of my fucking life.

*sits here ready to draw for the peoples*

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20682627/

Make me sound like a tool...

Hey guys,


My patreon is going to be my main upload site from now on. Unless I get commissions from here, anything done or continued will only be posted to Patreon since I'm trying to downsize my media accounts.

If you want to keep following my new art work, hop on over to Patreon. Its going to be broad over the spectrum, as I have been drawing more human work lately.

Any commissions I receive from here will be posted here. Everything else will be on Patreon.


https://www.patreon.com/arkondraws

(if anyone feels intimidated by Patreon, please don't be. I am not looking to get rich or make insane amounts of money fast. I just want to be recognized and not stick to one source of art form and earn pennies as tips and good faith. I will be making animations, comics for humor and serious paintings depicting anything that I am inspired by. Like I said, it is going to be a very broad spectrum. I already have a mini comic series taken after the everyday situations my dogs Bailey, Aries and Moo do because its crack-up worthy. One is already uploaded if you want to see.)

Pledges are not asked, but are always welcomed. Please do so ONLY if you can afford to. If it is easier to raise money per creation instead of monthly, let me know.

Thanks a lot, folks. :)

Not want to go to work and just stay home? Feels like one of those days...

Went and saw Andy yesterday. Luckily, I have a boss who understands where we all come from when it comes down to making friends at work and gave me the day off. Seeing her was...tough. The ventilator was what was keeping her alive, which I don't think I could constitute the state she was in as 'alive'.

My last conversation with her, face to face, led her to reveal that when her father passed away, he was in a state of comatose. Unaware and in a deep coma. He couldn't move, speak, even open his eyes. But in her belief, he could hear her talk to him.

The state Andy was in was similar. She was strapped in by tubes and those sticky squares to monitor her heart and lungs. The ventilator gave off a low hiss as it drew in oxygen, and passed it through to her by the tube attached to her mouth. It would cause her chest to inflate from each breath it passed on to her. The screen attached to the ventilator had an animated image of a pair of lungs inflating and deflating from each breath that was given to her. But her movements...they were not normal. Not in the smooth, natural way that our chests expand whenever we take a breath. It was forced. Shoved. In every way, it wasn't natural nor did it look comfortable. It caused her to jerk and shake each time she breathed, and it just...it was hard to watch that.

Marion and I got the room to ourselves for a good while. We stood in silence. The beeping of the monitors and machines drowned out the sounds of chatting outside the partially closed door leading to Andy's room. Looking at her face, seeing the way she was leaned back, her arms laid at her sides and her hands open with palms down...

I didn't expect this image to burn itself in my memory.

At any given moment, I was expecting her eyes to open, just to look at us with her blue eyes. But it didn't happen. I could hear Andy's voice in my head, her fears from our last conversation echoing in response to what I was seeing.

"I don't want my grand kids to see me like that."

I couldn't feel after that visit. It felt like I was walking, was here, but wasn't.

Before we left, I was able to speak to Andy one more time. I held her hand, which was swollen from the cancer's effect on her body but still warm. Once my hand touched hers, she moved her head side to side. Her hand didn't move, but watching her caused me to panic slightly.

I jerked my hand back, thinking I was hurting her. But Marion consoled me, saying Andy could sense I was there, and that she could hear me. She then stared at me, waiting for me to say something but I couldn't say a word. I just looked around the room, out the window, trying to find my voice somewhere in the back of my throat. It was extremely hard, but after a few minutes, I finally mustered my strength to just say something, gently placing my hand back against hers.

"I love you, Andy" When those words passed from my lips, I felt at ease yet still heavy. I felt pathetic as we walked out of the hospital, millions of questions running through my head as I wondered and prayed and tried my hardest to guide Marion out of the hospital.

What type of friend was I? Did Andy ever wish I saw her more? I know I should of, I know she needed me at times....Did I fail her? Did she resent my friendship with her?

Did she ever think I didn't care about her and just moved on with my life away from her?
Did she think I thought of her as a burden?

I guess the only type of consolation I have at all of these questions, was when I was saying good bye to Andy's daughter Heather and her husband Bob.

Both told me that Andy loved me, loved all her friends from work. And that she talked about me a lot. I joked at first, saying she must of said all lies or bad things.

But from all the things she did for me; driving me home when I had a concussion from an accident, talking to me about my life, giving me advice on what I should do with life. She gave me a lot.
And I feel like I gave her so little.

I guess that is only natural. To feel like you didn't live up the expectations that someone would expect friends to be. When you lose friends to death or difficulties, it leaves you hanging onto different scenarios and what if's.

As I drove home, I just thought and replayed my memories with Andy. The good times. I guess that will stay with me forever. And I won't ever have to worry about if I was a good enough friend. We had fun together. Made each other laugh. It was worth it.

I guess that is all you can ask for in a friendship.


(I'm sorry for the details in this post. But I want it to be here for me. To at least recall and understand. I am not seeing pity or anything. I just wanted to let it out for me to remember.)

Not that I really give a shit about my stuff at the moment...

Good friend of mine is not doing well. She is being kept stable on a ventilator to help her breathe as her terminal cancer has reached the stage I didn't think I'd see. Or maybe I just refused to believe I would.

Andy was my coworker from 2009 to 2015 when she had to take a leave after being diagnosed with lung cancer. Obviously, we worked at the same location, and also in the same department. She was the auditor, and I was one of the inspectors. She worked for RVI for 15 years before she left, and for the six years I was there, I saw her every single day (unless she took a day off of course) to where our bond went from just coworkers to friends. She became a dear one during those years. I was living alone in my old apartment when we first hung out together. She has a classic Mustang muscle car in a custom red/maroon color with ghost flame/horse heads on the side that she inherited from her dad and her husband restored it from its original bumblebee colors. Front grill read Move backwards (which I found hilarious)
At the time I rode in it, it wasn't fully completed, as some of the speakers in the dashboard and also the steering wheel needed to be modified to fit its new crisp leather interior. We cruised, stopped for dinner, and cruised some more. All the while I was gasping out the window and laughing at the passerby's as they turned their heads to the sound of that powerful engine as it approached and flew past them.
We got lost in Grand Rapids through the city streets, but it was great because we got to hang out longer. I took one picture and video from that day, and the phone I have it on needs a replacement battery, but I am hoping to get it off so I can see it again.

When she left that spring in 2015, I really took it hard. It mean't I'd never see her smug ass face when I came into the warehouse to start my day. Wouldn't sit and chat with her as she declared how much she was 'ready to leave this fucking place' hehe. It took a lot of getting used to, and I ended up transferring because my work was being effected without her around. So I went to the sister building across the street. Three years pass and when I quit RVI for medical reasons which solidified when I was house sitting for her and her husband when they went to hawaii. Seeing their photos and how Andy was before the cancer made me sick to my stomach. So after calling in three days in a row, I cashed in my job and left.
I kept Andy up to speed on everything. With my new not 2nd or 3rd shift schedule, I got to see her more on a daily basis. She was proud, if not a slight bit confused as I never really told her how much I hated it there without her.
She was able to go to Hawaii, spend huge amounts of time with her family and loved ones, and somewhere along the line, was able to spend some of her limited time with me. I never had good relations with my mother, which is a huge understatement as I practically never spoke to her again after my last seeing her nearly 4 years ago. Andy may not have been my mom, but I might as well seen her as one as she always wanted to see me, always wanted to feed me (and she is a phenomenal cook) and always wanted me to talk to her about what was going on with my life, though I always tend to shy away from those topics.

I am going to see her later this afternoon with another coworker I've worked with since I started there. I'm grateful I don't have to go alone, as I don't want to be at that time. Especially when I know I will not see her again after this day. It's still heavy but...I think I will be able to cope better then I thought.

Still waiting on my tools.


Haven't drawn a thing in a month because nothing works right.

Pain in the motherfucking ass.

Not sure if I wanna record me tearing my computer apart for anyone that wants to watch.... I might..
maybe I will add in a long rant on why technology is beginning to suck major ass...


maybe that will make me feel better.

Forgot how much I dislike PC's....


but I have one running now...uploaded PSCC on it but I am unsure if it will be able to handle it at all...


this is getting annoying...

Annnd now I need the tools...



Anyone wanna donate 40 bucks for tools?

I am going to try and home fix my Mac before I slowly deteriorate away from its abscence...

Really FUCKIN' sucks!!!

So after watching YouTube videos, replacing the harddrive seems rather simple, and while I am at it, I can add more ram too. Which would help me a lot . Still trying to find a new video card that is compatible because might as well update everything so I can keep it around longer.


Any one have any suggestions?

Mainly because adjusting to not having my Mac is going to royally f*ck me up.

So here's what I found out after visiting the Apple Store near me;

My harddrive is failing. I was told it could of started two or three years ago, and the computer itself would of ignored the failing vectors. When the boot up problems started, it could no longer function correctly.

Was told I should either replace the harddrive...



Or buy a new one that is up to date.

I was told by an Apple employee to not go through Apple for repairs, as they would simply slap the same harddrive back into it because they are not allowed to update it to anything bigger or better. So now I need to purchase a new harddrive and install it myself, then go to Apple and have them reupload all my data from the back up...


I have no idea how long this is going to take...but my guess is months...