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Ten Days Meme: DAY ONE
General | Posted 15 years agoDay One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.
1. I admire your work, and would greatly enjoy being your friend. I feel like I can't even begin to match your level sometimes, though. I also think of you whenever I see a certain animal!
2. I love you more than anything or anyone else in the world. My life is just amazing because you're in it! I'd be crushed if you weren't!
3. You've been my friend for years now, but I feel like we've grown apart sometimes. I miss working, and hanging out with you!
4. I feel betrayed by you. I understand that life happens, but you never even try to contact me anymore; I thought we were going to finally get our project off the ground. Afterall, you're the one who came to me with the idea.
5. I have care about you deeply. Probably more than you know. I wish you weren't so afraid of affection, and that you could find stability in your life.
6. You make some really weird things at times, but I love you for it! As with others, I wish we hung out more, and jammed more often. It saddens me that the MIDI controller you gave me broke...
7. You're one of the best pianists I've ever met, and a very good friend. You also remind me of a grandma at times, but I consider this a very good thing. <3
8. WHY ARE YOU NEVER IN PORTLAND? WHEN WILL YOU DO MY COMMISSION? IT'S ALMOST BEEN A YEAR. I'm just messing with you! I should probably call you one of these days and bother you endlessly!
9. I wish your life didn't suck so hard, that you could find work, and that you'd make more awesome music. I don't talk to you nearly enough, and that's no good on my part. You're an awesome person, and I'm hoping I get to see you should I ever venture south of Oregon.
10. Sometimes, I feel left out by you. I want to consider you a close friend, but I always feel like I make you uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm a furry, or just me in general.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.
1. I admire your work, and would greatly enjoy being your friend. I feel like I can't even begin to match your level sometimes, though. I also think of you whenever I see a certain animal!
2. I love you more than anything or anyone else in the world. My life is just amazing because you're in it! I'd be crushed if you weren't!
3. You've been my friend for years now, but I feel like we've grown apart sometimes. I miss working, and hanging out with you!
4. I feel betrayed by you. I understand that life happens, but you never even try to contact me anymore; I thought we were going to finally get our project off the ground. Afterall, you're the one who came to me with the idea.
5. I have care about you deeply. Probably more than you know. I wish you weren't so afraid of affection, and that you could find stability in your life.
6. You make some really weird things at times, but I love you for it! As with others, I wish we hung out more, and jammed more often. It saddens me that the MIDI controller you gave me broke...
7. You're one of the best pianists I've ever met, and a very good friend. You also remind me of a grandma at times, but I consider this a very good thing. <3
8. WHY ARE YOU NEVER IN PORTLAND? WHEN WILL YOU DO MY COMMISSION? IT'S ALMOST BEEN A YEAR. I'm just messing with you! I should probably call you one of these days and bother you endlessly!
9. I wish your life didn't suck so hard, that you could find work, and that you'd make more awesome music. I don't talk to you nearly enough, and that's no good on my part. You're an awesome person, and I'm hoping I get to see you should I ever venture south of Oregon.
10. Sometimes, I feel left out by you. I want to consider you a close friend, but I always feel like I make you uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm a furry, or just me in general.
Birthday :>
General | Posted 15 years agoI am now 24.
Polyamory.
General | Posted 15 years agoI don't talk about this much, but I felt compelled to do so.
For those who don't know,
whitecabbage and I are in an open relationship. Now, this doesn't mean we go around sleeping with whoever, whenever. It means we're open to the idea of having other partners in our lives, and is somewhere that has taken us a long time to get to.
I brought this up because I've been seeing others on here that consider this as somehow disloyal to one's partner; this couldn't be further to the truth in my eyes. Granted, I've known some people who will just fuck whoever they want with no consideration for the others involved, and that I do not agree with!
Consent and understanding is EVERYTHING in an open relationship, and frankly, I feel it frees oneself from the shackles of jealously and fear. I honestly believe that being in a loving open relationship is the pinnacle of what one could hope for in terms of being with someone else.
I want to break the misconception that those who are poly are just raging sex-freaks with no concern for those around them; it couldn't be further from the truth.
For those who don't know,
whitecabbage and I are in an open relationship. Now, this doesn't mean we go around sleeping with whoever, whenever. It means we're open to the idea of having other partners in our lives, and is somewhere that has taken us a long time to get to.I brought this up because I've been seeing others on here that consider this as somehow disloyal to one's partner; this couldn't be further to the truth in my eyes. Granted, I've known some people who will just fuck whoever they want with no consideration for the others involved, and that I do not agree with!
Consent and understanding is EVERYTHING in an open relationship, and frankly, I feel it frees oneself from the shackles of jealously and fear. I honestly believe that being in a loving open relationship is the pinnacle of what one could hope for in terms of being with someone else.
I want to break the misconception that those who are poly are just raging sex-freaks with no concern for those around them; it couldn't be further from the truth.
I am an Ethical Slut.HUGGIN' TIME.
General | Posted 15 years agoHEY.
I'M GOING TO HUG YOU LOT NOW.
Because I feel like hugging people. 8P
I'M GOING TO HUG YOU LOT NOW.
Because I feel like hugging people. 8P
The thing that sucks about online friends...
General | Posted 15 years ago...Is that I eventually end up wanting to hang out with them in person, and can't. :| IT SUCKS, AS I WANT MORE REAL-LIFE FRIENDS. Blargugagargh.
Disconnected.
General | Posted 15 years agoI really know why, but for some reason or another, I feel very disconnected from this place. Granted, I've gone through a lot the last few years, and as such have changed a good deal from who I used be.
However, I've always felt kind of a strange distance from here, and well, everywhere I've tried to find a place in in my life. It's just that lately it's really been bugging me -- I used to find it fairly easy to socialize with people online, and now I find it an extremely difficult task because I'm always worried that I'm going to make an ass out of myself or something... I also hate that most of the time now whenever I try to talk to someone, I just kind of run out of things to say, and stop talking altogether; my guess is that it stems of from my fear of making an ass of myself.
I don't really know what happened; I never used to be this self-conscious about things; I used to be a lot more open about myself, but I feel like I've closed myself off and become afraid again, and I don't like this feeling one bit. :<
Halp please. :<
However, I've always felt kind of a strange distance from here, and well, everywhere I've tried to find a place in in my life. It's just that lately it's really been bugging me -- I used to find it fairly easy to socialize with people online, and now I find it an extremely difficult task because I'm always worried that I'm going to make an ass out of myself or something... I also hate that most of the time now whenever I try to talk to someone, I just kind of run out of things to say, and stop talking altogether; my guess is that it stems of from my fear of making an ass of myself.
I don't really know what happened; I never used to be this self-conscious about things; I used to be a lot more open about myself, but I feel like I've closed myself off and become afraid again, and I don't like this feeling one bit. :<
Halp please. :<
Down in Bend!
General | Posted 15 years agoJust so you all know, I'm down in Bend with whitecabbage for a few days. :D
We did some clothes shopping with her mom, and when we were looking at earrings, the clerk asked us if we ladies were finding everything alright. It made me happy. X3
...Never mind the fact that I need to shave. XD
whitecabbage for a few days. :DWe did some clothes shopping with her mom, and when we were looking at earrings, the clerk asked us if we ladies were finding everything alright. It made me happy. X3
...Never mind the fact that I need to shave. XD
Fetish Meme (OH BOY)
General | Posted 15 years agoSymbol/Word System:
(+++) WANT.
(++) Hell YA!
(+) Cool.
(~) Eh.
(-) Nah.
(--) Nope.
(---) Hell No.
(?) What?
Anal on Males: +++ (Pegging/herm on male is basically my biggest kink, for sure)
Transformation: -
Yaoi: ++
Girly Boys: +++
Subbing/Domming: +++ (Subbing :3)
Tentacles: --
Spooge: ++
Oviposition: ~
Cross-dressing: ++++++++ I can't put enough pluses.
Oral: ++++++ (Rimming, to be more precise :V)
Orgy: +
Muscle, Male: --- NO
Lactation: --
Incest: -
Partial Nudity: +
Anal on Females: +
Clothing: +
Leather: +++
Stockings: +++
Muscle, Female : ---
Herm: +++ DERP
Macro/Micro: --
Impregnation: ~
Paw: ---
Bi: ++
Mind Control: ~
Uniform: +
Solo Masturbation: +
Tech: ~
Sadism: ~
Hyper: ---
She-males: +
Sinking: ??? What
Body Paint: ~
Plants : -
Mud/Quicksand etc: -
Anal Vore: ---
Rape : --- NO
Watersports: ---
Masochism: +
Multiple body parts: +
Zoophilia: ++ (Art only, I swear :V)
Breasts: +
Breast Expansion: --
Hetero (M/F): + (I am so god damn narrow in what I like as far as hetero porn, lol)
Biting: -
Inflation: ---
Pregnancy: -
Yuri (F/F): ~
Fat/Pudge: ~
Cock Vore : ---
Standard Soft Vore: ---
Weight Gain: ---
Tails: +
Cub: ++ I'm sorry. D:
Baby/Diaper: ---
Standard Hard Vore: --- NO DYING.
Scat: --- NO :(
Gore/guro: --- AGAIN, NO DYING ;_______;
Snuff: --- NO NO NO
Skunk spray: --- D:
Asphyxiation: --- These are making me sad D:
Shoe/Boots: +
Suit and Tie: +
Soul Vore: ---
Butch Girls: ++
Cheesecake: ~ Pin-ups are nice, but not really a fetish for me. :V
Glasses: ~ These look cool, yeah. :V
Electricity: ~
Wet-look: ~
Unbirth: ---
Latex/Rubber/Leather: ++
PetPlay: ++ This kind of falls under bondage and submission, doesn't it? x3
Mummification: ---
Bondage: ++
(+++) WANT.
(++) Hell YA!
(+) Cool.
(~) Eh.
(-) Nah.
(--) Nope.
(---) Hell No.
(?) What?
Anal on Males: +++ (Pegging/herm on male is basically my biggest kink, for sure)
Transformation: -
Yaoi: ++
Girly Boys: +++
Subbing/Domming: +++ (Subbing :3)
Tentacles: --
Spooge: ++
Oviposition: ~
Cross-dressing: ++++++++ I can't put enough pluses.
Oral: ++++++ (Rimming, to be more precise :V)
Orgy: +
Muscle, Male: --- NO
Lactation: --
Incest: -
Partial Nudity: +
Anal on Females: +
Clothing: +
Leather: +++
Stockings: +++
Muscle, Female : ---
Herm: +++ DERP
Macro/Micro: --
Impregnation: ~
Paw: ---
Bi: ++
Mind Control: ~
Uniform: +
Solo Masturbation: +
Tech: ~
Sadism: ~
Hyper: ---
She-males: +
Sinking: ??? What
Body Paint: ~
Plants : -
Mud/Quicksand etc: -
Anal Vore: ---
Rape : --- NO
Watersports: ---
Masochism: +
Multiple body parts: +
Zoophilia: ++ (Art only, I swear :V)
Breasts: +
Breast Expansion: --
Hetero (M/F): + (I am so god damn narrow in what I like as far as hetero porn, lol)
Biting: -
Inflation: ---
Pregnancy: -
Yuri (F/F): ~
Fat/Pudge: ~
Cock Vore : ---
Standard Soft Vore: ---
Weight Gain: ---
Tails: +
Cub: ++ I'm sorry. D:
Baby/Diaper: ---
Standard Hard Vore: --- NO DYING.
Scat: --- NO :(
Gore/guro: --- AGAIN, NO DYING ;_______;
Snuff: --- NO NO NO
Skunk spray: --- D:
Asphyxiation: --- These are making me sad D:
Shoe/Boots: +
Suit and Tie: +
Soul Vore: ---
Butch Girls: ++
Cheesecake: ~ Pin-ups are nice, but not really a fetish for me. :V
Glasses: ~ These look cool, yeah. :V
Electricity: ~
Wet-look: ~
Unbirth: ---
Latex/Rubber/Leather: ++
PetPlay: ++ This kind of falls under bondage and submission, doesn't it? x3
Mummification: ---
Bondage: ++
The Work Of Art In An Age Of Cultural Overproduction
General | Posted 15 years agoJOBLESS.
General | Posted 15 years agoSo, I was let go of my smoothie-making-job today.
What happened was on Sunday, I had someone come in who wanted to the deal where if you put $25 on a gift card, you get a free Original smoothie. I do that, and then his friend wants a smoothie as well; that's all well and good. Total comes out to $27.05, and he tells me to put it all on the card.
I'm thinking he means the gift card, so I do that, but it's 95 cents short. I tell him, he gets confused, and I try to explain that there's not enough on the gift card.
I ended up getting in a panic because there were also a bunch of people in line that needed help, so I asked a co-worker to help sort everything out. We end up giving him the smoothies for free, and I tell my co-workers after that that I need to go out to calm down for a moment. I leave for a couple minutes, come back, and apologize for freezing up.
I figured everything was OK, but when I went into work today, the boss-man tells me "We need to talk", and takes me to the back office. Basically, he said that while he thinks I'm a devoted employee and hard worker, he can't have someone who will get stressed out in a situation like that, and that he had other employees that were now "unwilling to work with me" because of it. I thanked him for the opportunity, told him it was a pleasure and that I was thankful for the time there, and just... left.
What happened was on Sunday, I had someone come in who wanted to the deal where if you put $25 on a gift card, you get a free Original smoothie. I do that, and then his friend wants a smoothie as well; that's all well and good. Total comes out to $27.05, and he tells me to put it all on the card.
I'm thinking he means the gift card, so I do that, but it's 95 cents short. I tell him, he gets confused, and I try to explain that there's not enough on the gift card.
I ended up getting in a panic because there were also a bunch of people in line that needed help, so I asked a co-worker to help sort everything out. We end up giving him the smoothies for free, and I tell my co-workers after that that I need to go out to calm down for a moment. I leave for a couple minutes, come back, and apologize for freezing up.
I figured everything was OK, but when I went into work today, the boss-man tells me "We need to talk", and takes me to the back office. Basically, he said that while he thinks I'm a devoted employee and hard worker, he can't have someone who will get stressed out in a situation like that, and that he had other employees that were now "unwilling to work with me" because of it. I thanked him for the opportunity, told him it was a pleasure and that I was thankful for the time there, and just... left.
One Band Meme!
General | Posted 15 years agoStolen from 
voln!
Music Meme fill out using only one band/musician's list of songs.
Artist = Stereolab
1. Are you male or female: The Incredible He Women
2. Describe yourself: Blips, Drips, and Strips
3. How do you feel about yourself: Self-Portrait with "Electric Brain"
4. Describe your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend: The Long Hair of Death
5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: Interlock
6. Describe your current location: Ticker-Tape of The Unconscious
7. Describe where you want to be: Munich Madness
8. Your best friend is: The Man With 100 Cells
9. Your favorite color is: The Light That Will Cease To Fail
10. You know that: I'm Going Out Of My Way
11. What’s the weather like: Blue Milk
12. If your life was a television show what would it be called?: Come and Play in the Milky Night
13. What is life to you: The Noise of Carpet
14. What is the best advice you have to give: I Was A Sunny Rainphase
15. If you could change your name what would you change it to: Gus The Mynah Bird
voln!Music Meme fill out using only one band/musician's list of songs.
Artist = Stereolab
1. Are you male or female: The Incredible He Women
2. Describe yourself: Blips, Drips, and Strips
3. How do you feel about yourself: Self-Portrait with "Electric Brain"
4. Describe your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend: The Long Hair of Death
5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: Interlock
6. Describe your current location: Ticker-Tape of The Unconscious
7. Describe where you want to be: Munich Madness
8. Your best friend is: The Man With 100 Cells
9. Your favorite color is: The Light That Will Cease To Fail
10. You know that: I'm Going Out Of My Way
11. What’s the weather like: Blue Milk
12. If your life was a television show what would it be called?: Come and Play in the Milky Night
13. What is life to you: The Noise of Carpet
14. What is the best advice you have to give: I Was A Sunny Rainphase
15. If you could change your name what would you change it to: Gus The Mynah Bird
Ableton Improv, Nr. 1 (WATCH ME BE SILLY)
General | Posted 15 years agoDO EET. DO EET.
General | Posted 15 years ago1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Film:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of FA?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Film:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of FA?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?
Amazing Portland Music is Amazing!
General | Posted 16 years agoI love the music that comes out of my hometown. <3
Some fantastic examples are:
Strategy's "Stops Spinning": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9KHbaS6ZJQ
and
White Rainbow's "Tuesday Rollers And Strollers":
Part I: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oObz1tqLfk
Part II: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFJGtoDIus8
Some fantastic examples are:
Strategy's "Stops Spinning": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9KHbaS6ZJQ
and
White Rainbow's "Tuesday Rollers And Strollers":
Part I: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oObz1tqLfk
Part II: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFJGtoDIus8
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, ME.
General | Posted 16 years agoI turned 23 on the 7th. SO YEAH.
ALSO HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MR.
sage BECAUSE HIS BIRTHDAY WAS ON THE 5TH. 8D
ALSO HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MR.
sage BECAUSE HIS BIRTHDAY WAS ON THE 5TH. 8DMoving Again! (FINALLY)
General | Posted 16 years agoI swear, I never update this thing. Just like my LiveJournal, eesh...
At any rate, I'm finally moving back into my own place, and with Tracy this time around; about freaking time, really... We're moving into the carriage house owned by a family friend, and I've been staying up in the loft bedroom of the main house for the past week.
Honestly, since I moved over here, it feels like I've woken up from a horrible seven-month-nightmare-of-despair. Never mind that I need to find new work, I am just glad that I'm finally free of my mom's horrible, horrible house and her insanity.
I'm moving all of my stuff over there Wednesday... going to go through all of it tomorrow, see what I don't need, pack things in boxes... I'd show more enthusiasm in this if I weren't so tired right now! xD
At any rate, I'm finally moving back into my own place, and with Tracy this time around; about freaking time, really... We're moving into the carriage house owned by a family friend, and I've been staying up in the loft bedroom of the main house for the past week.
Honestly, since I moved over here, it feels like I've woken up from a horrible seven-month-nightmare-of-despair. Never mind that I need to find new work, I am just glad that I'm finally free of my mom's horrible, horrible house and her insanity.
I'm moving all of my stuff over there Wednesday... going to go through all of it tomorrow, see what I don't need, pack things in boxes... I'd show more enthusiasm in this if I weren't so tired right now! xD
Back in Portland~
General | Posted 16 years agoJust got home tonight after spending the last five days with my girlfriend and celebrating her 21st birthday. :D
We had a delicious birthday pie, strawberry rhubarb, and both came to the agreement that 1) we will never live in Everett, and 2) her brother is in denial of how awful of a place Everett is. Seriously, it's one of the sketchiest places I've ever been, and I've never had people just... stare at Tracy and I like the stares we got up there before.
*shudders*
But yes, the trip was still very good -- we drove down to Portland for the day on Friday, then down to Bend yesterday. We saw Drag Me To Hell, which I HIGHLY RECOMMEND TO EVERYONE, and watched the first season of Dead Like Me together.
I bought some records at a discount record shop in Everett, and I also acquired a new piece of equipment.
A Roland A-30 76 key Midi Keyboard! So yeah. going to start actually using a keyboard again. :P
I think I'm going to get ready to shuffle off to bed, though.
We had a delicious birthday pie, strawberry rhubarb, and both came to the agreement that 1) we will never live in Everett, and 2) her brother is in denial of how awful of a place Everett is. Seriously, it's one of the sketchiest places I've ever been, and I've never had people just... stare at Tracy and I like the stares we got up there before.
*shudders*
But yes, the trip was still very good -- we drove down to Portland for the day on Friday, then down to Bend yesterday. We saw Drag Me To Hell, which I HIGHLY RECOMMEND TO EVERYONE, and watched the first season of Dead Like Me together.
I bought some records at a discount record shop in Everett, and I also acquired a new piece of equipment.
A Roland A-30 76 key Midi Keyboard! So yeah. going to start actually using a keyboard again. :P
I think I'm going to get ready to shuffle off to bed, though.
This is a really long entry, and a REALLY KIND OF ODD. D:
General | Posted 16 years agoI have never had a dream as intense as the one I just did now, one where I woke up only to find that I had actually been crying quite hard while I was dreaming.
The dream itself was really kind of a jumble, switching from me hanging out in some park with friends from highschool to the scene that apparently just tore me up.
It was almost like a movie, really, someone was in a spaceship that was made of two spheres inside of each other which had only enough room for one person and would separate to open up. As in, the spheres would become two spheres outside of each other by the outermost opening up and the other coming out; it didn't really seem to make much sense to me.
At any rate, someone comes out, and I can tell that they're male, but they're obviously crossdressing... All I really remember them wearing is a black corset. Truth be told, they looked sort of like some kind of anthropomorphic animal, but perhaps just barely, like their animal features were just barely there.
Then, someone else comes into view, I don't even know if I ever saw their face. Apparently they don't like the fact that this person is here, and has been expecting their unwanted arrival. I suppose I should mention that this is on some sort of large starship, in a shuttle bay of sorts.
The ship's AI system chimes in how it should scan the vessel ad whatnot, the second person starts griping about it, but eventually concedes. The two start talking, about what I have no idea.
Then, a flashback of the first being giving the equivalent of $50 to someone, a woman. I don't know she was his sister or wife or what, but they were obviously close, and the feeling I took away from it was one of a certainty of not coming back. Not exactly dying, just... not being able to return.
Another flashback, this time from the woman, giving some sort of talk and being disappointed that he wasn't there; I think the money was supposed to make up for this fact..? That doesn't really make any sense to me though.
For some reason, though, that scene right there just apparently killed me back in the real world.
I think that look on the male's face, that look of complete uncertainty and the fact that he could very well be leaving this other person all alone forever somehow struck me so hard that tears just streamed from my eyes; my pillow is still fairly wet even now, a good half-hour after the fact.
What the hell.
The dream itself was really kind of a jumble, switching from me hanging out in some park with friends from highschool to the scene that apparently just tore me up.
It was almost like a movie, really, someone was in a spaceship that was made of two spheres inside of each other which had only enough room for one person and would separate to open up. As in, the spheres would become two spheres outside of each other by the outermost opening up and the other coming out; it didn't really seem to make much sense to me.
At any rate, someone comes out, and I can tell that they're male, but they're obviously crossdressing... All I really remember them wearing is a black corset. Truth be told, they looked sort of like some kind of anthropomorphic animal, but perhaps just barely, like their animal features were just barely there.
Then, someone else comes into view, I don't even know if I ever saw their face. Apparently they don't like the fact that this person is here, and has been expecting their unwanted arrival. I suppose I should mention that this is on some sort of large starship, in a shuttle bay of sorts.
The ship's AI system chimes in how it should scan the vessel ad whatnot, the second person starts griping about it, but eventually concedes. The two start talking, about what I have no idea.
Then, a flashback of the first being giving the equivalent of $50 to someone, a woman. I don't know she was his sister or wife or what, but they were obviously close, and the feeling I took away from it was one of a certainty of not coming back. Not exactly dying, just... not being able to return.
Another flashback, this time from the woman, giving some sort of talk and being disappointed that he wasn't there; I think the money was supposed to make up for this fact..? That doesn't really make any sense to me though.
For some reason, though, that scene right there just apparently killed me back in the real world.
I think that look on the male's face, that look of complete uncertainty and the fact that he could very well be leaving this other person all alone forever somehow struck me so hard that tears just streamed from my eyes; my pillow is still fairly wet even now, a good half-hour after the fact.
What the hell.
Music Rut! :<
General | Posted 16 years agoSoooo... I've been in a rut for a while now; at least a few weeks. I just can't really get anything out that sounds good to me, and I have pretty much no inspiration. What a crappy feeling.
Also, I've been trying to figure out Renoise, but I keep getting, erm... stuck. Blagh.
Also, I've been trying to figure out Renoise, but I keep getting, erm... stuck. Blagh.
Plug Them Into My Skin
General | Posted 16 years agoSometimes, I will hear a song, and I feel such a rush from it that I wish I could just plug wires into myself and let all the images and sounds out; the images are so vivid in my head, but I can't ever hold on to them.
They are fleeting for me, most likely because they move along with whatever it is I'm listening to. Right now, it's Chaz Jankel's "Am I Honest With Myself Really?" which is pretty much just like... this amazing surge of electricity in my brain.
Really, just listening to the album "My Occupation" has my mind full of ideas, and I can't capture any of them; everything I do with my hands is too slow and I need something more... direct.
I don't know. I'm rambling. Sometimes it worries me, but it's usually pretty short lived, so yeah. Make of it what you will.
I just want to get all the sounds and images out for everyone to see, because nothing I can do with these hands could ever do them justice, I think.
They are fleeting for me, most likely because they move along with whatever it is I'm listening to. Right now, it's Chaz Jankel's "Am I Honest With Myself Really?" which is pretty much just like... this amazing surge of electricity in my brain.
Really, just listening to the album "My Occupation" has my mind full of ideas, and I can't capture any of them; everything I do with my hands is too slow and I need something more... direct.
I don't know. I'm rambling. Sometimes it worries me, but it's usually pretty short lived, so yeah. Make of it what you will.
I just want to get all the sounds and images out for everyone to see, because nothing I can do with these hands could ever do them justice, I think.
Moooving
General | Posted 17 years agoSo, sage and I are moving into my mom's place on the 21st, because uh... I can't find enough work to pay the rent here. That's always fun.
Oh well. At least we'll be able to save up some money and stuff. Yay for that.
sage and I are moving into my mom's place on the 21st, because uh... I can't find enough work to pay the rent here. That's always fun.Oh well. At least we'll be able to save up some money and stuff. Yay for that.
Goodbye / Hello
General | Posted 17 years ago
daiki
armand50 journals skipped
