😎

Hey y'all, I made a Bluesky, check it:

Himawari Heliotrope 💜🌻

I'm 37 on the 7th! Whee!

And things in my life are finally, finally starting to fall into place. Last month was... difficult (grief never is easy), but I'm doing a lot to just let myself feel the waves of emotion as they come, rather than trying to fight against myself, my needs, my wants.

I've still got a lot of growing to do, but right now? Things are, dare I say, surprisingly stable in my life? At least, personally? A lot of grief around me, but I'm finding I actually have some tools and the ability to utilize them in order to cope and adapt nowadays. It's a strange, but oddly comforting feeling. I'm looking forward to the future, for the first time in a while, no matter how much the world wants me not to.

And it’s starting to feel like there’s no reason for any of this anymore. I’m so tired. I just wanted a better life than this…

I’m so fucking lonely and disconnected from everything and it’s not like I want to die. I just want to stop.

FA can eat my entire ass, fuck your groomer panic.

So, thinking of posting some of my music to FA again. It's been years! I've been a busy girl since 2019, and have a lot to share c:

Do any of my mutuals play SL at all? My name's Armeline on there; come find me. I'm lonely a lot.

Yep, I'll be 32 in four days! If any of you cuties wanna do something for or with me for my birthday, it's not expected, but greatly appreciated as I'm fairly lonely most the time UwU

Whoo I made it to 31 without dying

Hey hi friends it's my birthday on the 7th and I'm really depressed lately tbh and one of my partners broke up with me and I'm dealing with a lot of resurfacing childhood trauma so uhm

idk if y'all wanna do anything for me y'all can. it'd be nice but I don't really expect people to remember I exist, hahaha

Around the sun for this little dook.

That's right! It's my 30th birthday today~ ❤️

Hi hi~

I turn the big three-zero in two weeks! If any of y'all feel like doing something for me, I have my wish list and I also have my reference sheet~

Sorry I fucked up so badly. Living with a lifetime of trauma, of erasure of my heritage, of being looked down upon, belittled, abused tends to make one hyper-vigilant, and thereby, quick to act irrationally; especially so upon the realization of one's true identities, or because of one's triggers

I fucked up a lot last year, and for that, I'm genuinely sorry. I wish I could undo the harm I did to so many people, and have them back in my life, but I know that isn't possible. All I can hope is that if our paths cross in the future, we can at least be civil, and that they understand I'' trying my best to be a better person. To work through my trauma, my disabilities, and to ensure I don't cause the same harm I did before.

To Teagan, to Kris, to Demi: the issues I brought up with you were legitimate, and you ignored them like most people are wont to do, but I am sorry for how I reacted; it's an easy thing for a Scorpio's stinger to strike when she's used to having to fight to live.

To Paige: you never deserved the garbage I said; it was my own fear getting the better of me. I hope you see this someday and know that these words are sincere.

To anyone else: please, be gentle with me — I am but a fragile pup with many old wounds and scars, and I can frighten easily, but I'm really trying to live a life of compassion and kindness in a world that offers very little of either to a non-binary, disabled Jewish trans woman.

In case y'all didn't know, not only am I trans, but I'm also grey-ace.

So now y'all know. Also I got a sweet new icon from idesofmerch on twitter!

Also you cuties should totally eat my ass. Just sayin'. If you wanna~

Hey friends, a couple friends of mine are open for commissions, and in dire need of funds~

My friend Kii is open for $15 sketches

and my friend Florian is open for $50 Dave McKean-style digital pieces!

Please, help them out if you can; they're both very precious to me <3

That the thought of having my 'sonas drawn with human genitalia triggers some real bad dysphoria in me?

Like, they're not human. They're anthropomorphic, yeah, but I really don't want them to have human junk.

And I don't really know how to explain that to a few artists that I'd otherwise love to commission some intimate things from. *siiiiigh*

i could undo all the fucked up shit i've done to hurt the people i've loved in my life.

i don't want them back in my life if they don't want to be, but i wish i could tell so many people that i'm sorry; that i'm this way because i've been hurt so much in the past; that, by and large, it was never anything any of them did.

i lived a childhood of abuse, both domestic and from supposed "friends". my longest relationship pre-transition was one where i was exploited emotionally and sexually, and expected, implicitly, to be The Man in the relationship. i never wanted that. i never signed up for that.

i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm so fucking sorry.

I'm a little surprised I dragged my feet on switching accounts for so long, honestly!

I mean, I legally changed my name almost a year ago. I guess mostly because going by Armeline everywhere else was a simpler process, and I wanted to use those spaces more? Like, Weasyl and IB and SoundCloud? I just changed my username without issue, but here?

Had to make a whole new account! I'm not really sure if I'm gonna post old stuff on here, though. I might, and file it all under 'pre-transition' even though, let's face it.

My 'sona was never a boy. :B