I'm no longer posting to this account! Please follow  ArrJaySketch for my current account, and  Tremaine for my old art archive of 1993 to 2011 stuff!

Eventually I'll move the images on this account to my main account.

Hey all!

Make sure you are following  ArrJaySketch! I am only going to be uploading art and posting journals on that account from now on!

See you there!

Hello all!

It’s been a long time!

I have been well! I am keeping busy with my job and life has been pretty darned good!

Since starting Venlafaxine, my antidepressant and antianxiety drug, I feel happier than I’ve been my whole life! Honestly, this is something I could have used 30+ years ago, when I was in my teens. A lot of problems seemed to resolve themselves once I got my anxiety, panic, and depression disorders under control. Like, it’s obvious now where some problems have come from. It certainly helps to have developed better boundaries and a lot of life coping skills, besides!

You all have undoubtedly noticed the lack of art! For the lack of content and updates, I do apologize. It’s not a lack of desire or ideas; I have plenty of both! No, it’s just a lack of motivation to sit down and actually take the time to draw anything. I haven’t been particularly stressed in the slightest about it, either!

So then, what does that mean for the future of my art? I don’t rightly know! Someday, I’d love to create again. I really do love some of my characters, and I have many ideas about how I want to redesign them. I’ve got a bunch of ideas I think I’d enjoy making, and I think many more would enjoy viewing!

So, what then? Was anxiety a part of my creation process? Perhaps! Is that missing anxiety make me feel less like, well, “me”? Hardly! I feel more myself these days than I ever have! I don’t feel I’m missing a part of myself; it feels like more like getting rid of something that never should been there in the first place!

What of the future? I’m hoping that since falling off of a workout routine, regularly working out will restore a lot of my missing drive throughout the next year! We’ll see, though! I have a number of projects in mind, though I’m not going to list them here; I don’t want to promise anything unless I feel like it’s sure to happen.

Regarding selling my old artwork, I still haven’t made any headway on it. I’d have to sort and organize my old art, and I just haven’t felt up to even touching that task. So, my deepest apologies to those hoping to purchase some originals; I just haven’t had the interest nor inclination!

Will I ever take commissions again? I think the long and short of it is that after a long period of self-reflection, I honestly and truly don’t enjoy working after I’ve been doing my Day Job. It’s not that working on commissions is unpleasant; hardly! Sometimes I just don’t feel like working a second job. If I’m going to do commissions, it’s most fair to set hours and expectations, and if I’m to uphold them I need to commit to those hours and expectations. In truth, I really don’t want to. I’d rather do other things with my time!

Another important bit about commissions is that I’d rather be able to produce any kind of art at all on a regular basis! One, it’s important to have a high degree of confidence that I’ll be able to start—let alone finish—any art at all! Two, being that I haven’t drawn in so long I cannot price art based on how much time any given piece will take, because I have no earthly clue!

This last bit is something no one’s asked at all; will I go to furry conventions in the future? Very likely not, and even then, I’d probably just go as a fan. Being a dealer brought way more stress into my life that I really did not need, and I rarely (if ever) broke even. I convinced myself that working was the only way to get these furry cons, but in retrospect, I really didn’t have much fun at all. I was working at cons so I could play at night, and that doesn’t blend well. The real truth is that if I ever worked in a convention Dealer’s Den again, it would be work. If I go as a fan, it’s to play. Considering art has not ever been my job, and I don’t need to take time off my Day Job just to work even more at a convention, dealing in any capacity at a convention is Just Not For Me Anymore. It really never has been.

So, long story short, I’ve been well, the lack of art doesn’t really mean much aside from lack of motivation in making it, but I’m wanting to make some life changes that will hopefully help with all of that!

Hello everyone!

Over two years ago, I finished re-uploading most of my old art on August 24th, 2018 to my Tremaine account.

When I started re-uploading my art, I was wondering if I was making the right decision, or a huge mistake. It turns out that it was one of the best decisions I could have possibly made, and even had a great number of positive side effects I never anticipated!

It restored a lot of beloved creations to be shared among fans, friends, and people new to my works. And, it helped me make peace with my own past in a really profound way! I could put a lot of events back in their original context and forgive myself for a lot of decisions I've made over the years. It also made a number of things really clear to me, like a trend of severe anxiety and depression that started since I left high school in 1995, was finally identified in 2012, and for which I'm finally taking really helpful medication for in 2020! Like, you have no idea how much I beat myself up for my decreased output over the years, but really had no clue it was due to worsening mental illness issues. This means my re-uploading of my art brought me unexpected peace of mind, and a more centered me in the present!

Thank you all so very much for your incredible support back then, and even now! It means more to me than you can even know!

I also want to say regarding my future: I am on anti-anxiety and antidepressant medicine, and it does make me feel more like "me" but without all the sadness, darkness, and near-constant worry. I can positively way the darkness and worry has been a part of me since I was very little; now, I have space for other emotions, like joy, calm, almost anything I want, and it's awesome! I feel like creating is easier now that I'm not feeling awful all the time.

Right now, I want to work on a fun, long series with Evan, my bunny guy, and Tremmie, my black-haired vixen! From silly flirting, foreplay, gooey sex and sweet, silly cuddles, I want to have fun with this! It's something I've been wanting to do since 2007, but I am very sure I was already in a major depression back then.

I also want to say, Wendy Rose (Mistletoe) and I have been married 15 years today! I am so glad I married my best friend. We've been each other's light and joy, and have stood by each other in our darkest times. I can honestly say we are truly happier than we've ever been today. I mention this because re-uploading my art has indeed contributed positively to my own mental health, and I want to thank you all for welcoming me with enthusiasm!

Update! Better late than never, right??

So, back in March I offered to sell some old originals. That is still the plan; however, as we all know, a viral pandemic happened (and is presently ongoing), which absolutely put a kink in those plans. I haven't quite figured out what I'm going to do next.

Back then, I also wasn't really in a great place, mentally, but I feel alright now and I am managing well.

Once I have a few days to think about how I'm going to do things, I'll post a general update. My apologies for not getting back to everyone!

Also, I am NOT going to be taking commissions for the foreseeable future. Long story short, I have trouble creating anything at all while I'm working a full-time job, and my performance suffers during the winter. I'm not looking for advice; I just need to draw for fun for a while and figure out how to make things work.

Yay! It's my birthday today!

It's been an incredible journey from last year. I feel I've made a LOT of personal progress, and there's more awesome stuff to come!

Hi all!

I have some EXCITING NEWS!!

Very, very soon, I will be offering commissions for the FIRST TIME in over 9 years!!!

Some of you may recall I had a very bad habit of sitting on commissions for months, years, and so on. I've done a LOT of work on myself. I've addressed my mental health issues, greatly improved my self-esteem, self-confidence and my work ethic. I'm looking forward to turning around digital commissions in a matter of DAYS!

I've honestly been super excited about the idea since BronyCon, and that passion hasn't gone anywhere soon! I just need to finish up a bit of prep work; once I am ready, I will be posting another journal!

*****

Also, I've been thinking about merging my ArrJayAfterDork account with my ArrJaySketch account, and just have ArrJaySketch host SFW and NSFW artwork. As it stands, there's 9 journals to update with the two separate accounts (5 SFW, 4 NSFW), and it's honestly a bit of a pain. Long ago, I thought I wouldn't be doing NSFW, buuuut I've long changed my mind, and NSFW is here to stay! Any thoughts, objections?

Hello, all!

On June 10th last year, I started uploading most of my old artwork on my Tremaine account, and I finished around August 24th. When I stared, I remember feeling initially apprehensive, and everyone has shown me absolutely nothing but love and support. I want you all to know I haven't forgotten, and still think about it every day. Thank you! <3

While it's true that I had planned on getting a lot more artwork done since I finished uploading my old art, I have a good reason. I've been working hard on fixing a lot of things that have made me very unhappy my entire life, things that have drained my joy and time away from me. I am most creative when I am very happy; I feel I'm making much more progress toward that happiness. My hope is that with all this work I've been doing on myself, when I bring back my joy, it will bring back my creativity!

Since my November status update, I've been doing a great deal of work on myself. While work itself hasn't changed, I definitely have. I no longer let things under my skin. I got tired of handing over the reins to people who don't care; instead, I learned to just focus on being awesome at my job. Moreover, I've come to understand I let a LOT of things under my skin. Letting myself get angry or stress wasn't only NOT helping, but it was actually making things worse.

The other part is that I've had an incredibly hard time "letting go". If something made me angry or upset, I'd hold onto it for way too long and sort of obsessively think about it. Not just work, but darned near everything. I'd hold onto things that made me sad, that made me fearful, that made me angry, and stuff that shamed me. When I realized I was just giving over my mind and my feelings to people and things that not only didn't actually care, but probably had no idea that I felt this way, it was a shock to me. I was just wasting my life on this, and it's one of those silly things I realized I'd been doing my whole life.

Another bit that was sort of mind-blowing for me. I always had trouble with procrastination, and it's long been one of the things I constantly beat myself up about. I read an incredibly neat article about procrastination. Procrastination isn't about lack of self-control or being lazy. It's about an inability to manage negative emotions we've built up around a task. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/25/.....f-control.html

I...wasn't even aware I had done so, but it didn't take me long to realize I had built up a LOT of intensely negative emotions around many things. I honestly wasn't aware they existed! But now that I'm working through figuring out what they are and acknowledging them, I've actually been finding a greater peace and joy than I've ever known.

So, long story short, I've been making absolutely HUMONGOUS strides at managing my own mental health!

What does this mean for my art? I will own the truth that I've been procrastinating. Having owned that, I've also been dealing with all he negativity I've built up in myself. It's...refreshingly easier to want to start drawing, even if it's not ideal. I'm going to keep working on myself.

And most of all, thank you for being here and for supporting me.

I opened a Patreon as a tip jar, for now, too! https://www.patreon.com/ArrJaySketch

Hi everyone, it's been a while! I'm making this journal to let you all know my status. I'm not looking for any advice.

You may be wondering what's up with my art. My original plan was to keep up with the daily doodles, and keep the momentum going.

The long and short of it is that work has been taking up all my energy. When I get home for the day, I just go into self-care mode because I'm just spent. This has pretty much been my status for months. I don't have any sort of ETA for when new art will be posted; I'm just working on warm-ups again for now. Also, I'm working on digital inking (because traditional inking was frustrating) and that has been very slow-going. I can absolutely say it's been frustrating me enough to make me NOT want to draw. I know I just need to practice; this is where not having any energy or patience left at the end of the day wasn't helping things.

The good news is that I'm managing things a lot better lately, and hope to devote a lot more energy to my artwork. I really want to get back into inked and colored pieces, but it will take some time to re-learn things.

It's been a fun birthday so far today! I took the day off of work, so today I'm taking it easy! I could use it, after the week I've had. Today, I'm the answer the Life, the Universe, and Everything!

Speaking of, lately I've just been feeling exhausted after artwork, so I'm afraid I haven't done much art-wise. I hope to work on stuff soon!

Hi everyone! Thank you all SO MUCH for all your love and support! I won't lie; I've been moved to tears of joy with all the warmth and kindness you all have shown me!

I'm really glad to be sharing my old works again on my  Tremaine account! Moreover, I'm really glad to have the goal of drawing at least one daily doodle on my SFW and NSFW accounts!

Some folks have asked why I disappeared for a while (as Tremaine). Long story short, I've found I've been in a slow spiral of depression my whole life and sank deep into a depression starting in 2006, didn't start climbing out until late 2012, and finally felt good enough about myself, my art, furry fandom (and every fandom, really) and everything to start really posting in earnest this year. In fact, I'd say this year is the healthiest I've ever been mentally and physically, and I feel my attitude about darned near everything has improved dramatically.

After I finish uploading old art (up through 2011) on my Tremaine account around August 24th, what's next?

1) Keep drawing! I want to keep drawing daily doodles, because they're fun! I want to draw something every day. Please make sure you're following my other account! ( ArrJaySketch for SFW stuff! I consider that my main account, which is why this one is After Dork, because I'm silly. My goal for that account is to post more silly and cute things!)

2) I will take the thumbnail sketches I've been posting here, turn them into refined sketches, ink them, and color them!

3) Work on drawing art on a regular, sustained basis. Before, I tended to be idle for long periods of time with only short bursts of art. Drawing on a regular basis means I can work on improving!

4) Maybe get comfortable with digital work to start streaming one day.

5) Once I am comfortable enough with my stuff again and I can produce stuff on demand with a quick turnaround, I'll think about taking commissions. I won't take commissions before then; I do not want to struggle with them like I did before. I am going to see how I feel in about a year while I work on improving my art habits.

Thank you for your support, everyone! I feel super encouraged that so many people are following me here and want to see what I do! I want you all to know that I'm really excited about drawing again!

While I'm feeling incredibly rusty (only drew one thing for the MLP:FIM anniversary, and it's been 7 years since I've drawn anything furry/anthro), I feel I am in the best possible mental and physical health to pick this up again. For the first time ever, I have a good attitude and relationship with myself, my art, my fans, everything! I've already experienced things that would have shut me down hard YEARS ago and I just let it all roll off my back, and I'm ready to keep going!

I just want to say that I am genuinely happy to see you all here! THANK YOU SO MUCH for believing in me, supporting me, and encouraging me, guys, gals, and however else you wish to identify!

It's probably going to be a little slow-going at first as I get going. I'm excited about a WHOLE BUNCH of ideas I have, and I hope you all are, too!

I am about to start re-uploading my old furry art to  Tremaine! If you are interested in watching, please give the account a watch!

Also note: I will be drawing more than just pony stuff for  ArrJaySketch, and I intend to upload a variety of stuff to  ArrJayAfterDork! In fact, one thing I will be doing is drawing thumnbails of one (or more) of the old pieces I upload to my archival account! That is actually the thing that got me most excited about reuploading my old art.

My goal is give myself a reason to get drawing every single day, and then keep that momentum going! I can't wait to show you all the ideas I have!

You may or may not have noticed the icon for one of my old accounts,  Tremaine has changed.

You will definitely want to check out a journal I made a few years ago that explains a few things: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6889619/

I've had a bit of a change of heart. I feel I'm in an even better place, mental-health-wise, when I made my original journal (which was already a much better place than I was in years ago).

I've seen some of my own favorite things disappear forever on the Internet over the years, and it just makes me...incredibly sad. There are fan works that really have changed my life, and made me feel better about myself. Even if it's just a dumb fandom thing here or there that made me smile, it always make me sad when the creator takes it down.

I realized that...even though I still loathe most of my older artwork, I figure it probably meant something to some of you out there. It does no good sitting on my hard drive. I figure my old stuff could probably use some love, as imperfect as it is.

So...

...I've decided to reupload my old artwork to  Tremaine, starting some time in the next few weeks.

I just want to say, thank you all for giving me space and my own time to heal, and to think about everything. I highly value that.

Also, I'm still planning on drawing Pony stuff more frequently, so keep watching this account as well as  ArrJaySketch!

Looks like the status of "art may be coming eventually" is now "work will be coming inevitably".

Right now, I'm working on completely redesigning some of my old characters! I am not sure how soon I'll be posting art; a lot of that depends on having something decent enough to upload here. These days, I'm spending a lot of time practicing and re-learning all the skills I had lost over time. I'm also trying to find a style that I like, because I ended up pretty unhappy with how my old stuff was going.

While I'm planning on uploading some of my own characters, I'm also working on a style of anthro pony that looks good.

My goal is to have a lot of silly fun with sexy situations. Sexy, but makes you smile, or even laugh!

So yeah, not sure when I'll have stuff ready, but Soon™.

Thank you all for following me! I really appreciate it!

Eventually, I may post some of my naughty artwork here.

Going forward, I want to have fun with my artwork! I think I used to worry a little too much about what anyone else thought, and I'd sorta forget to make sure I was having fun.

I love silliness, I love sexiness, and I love love. Laughter, lust, and love! They all just make me super happy! If I end up drawing smut again, I want my art to be more than just pin-ups and sex. I want to make art that makes you laugh, or touches your heart, or just something that gives you warm fuzzies. (And makes you horny.) I suppose, more than anything, I want to make art that's memorable and really fun.

Oddly enough, I think of Doug Winger. I didn't agree with the content of everything he drew, but damn he was HILARIOUS. I'll remember him well, and his artwork, for the rest of my life. That's pretty awesome. That's really the best legacy an artist could ever hope for!

I think there were some pieces where I tried to make memorable and fun, but I wasn't really mindful of what was important to me. There were some things I made when I was thinking, "this should sell well", rather than "I am having a lot of fun with this, and I hope it shows". Doing art without really loving what I'm doing I think ended up draining me. Attitudes are important!

So, yeah. When I feel ready to post stuff here again, I'll let you all know.

I want you all to know that your support and belief in me means the world to me!