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General | Posted 11 years agoWARNING - excessively depressing and extremely personal rant follows:
A few months ago, my little cousin tried to take her own life. I still don’t know the method, but I know her family was really shaken up by it. She lives on the East Coast far from me and I really only knew her through family gatherings where you meet everyone for only a few minutes at a time and then don’t see them again for three years, so her personality, interests, and troubles weren’t well-known to me. Still, I tried reaching out to her the best I could.
I was also a sophomore in high school when I went through something very similar. I’d struggled with depression since I can remember. I had a large circle of friends who didn’t seem interested in me anymore and were drifting away into their own cliques, I was constantly at odds with my parents, my relationship with my girlfriend at the time was crumbling, and halfway through the year, I was kicked out of an Honors English class because my grades had dropped too low. I was incredibly self-conscious about my acne and how skinny I was. On top of that, I had the familiar teenage mood swings of anxiety, depression, and frustration.
I felt miserable almost all the time. There were days when I felt good, but most were a challenge. At times, it felt like I was trapped in a world of black and white misery while everyone else was living in a world of color. Sometimes it felt like an incredible amount of pressure was building up inside me while other times, I just felt completely drained.
The things I used to enjoy, I found silly. The people who always cheered me up, I found boring. The future I had imagined for myself, I found pointless. It didn’t feel like living, it felt like a chore. I think I’d felt this way to a certain degree since childhood. I would experience long periods of sadness for no discernable reason. I didn’t make friends easily and I was always very hard on myself. I didn’t necessarily want to be the best, but if I couldn’t do something right. If I drew a picture and didn’t feel it looked good enough, I would tear it up angrily. I felt incredibly worthless. I used to spend hours by myself instead of playing with friends. By the time I was in high school, all of this had built up to a degree where I didn’t feel like I could withstand it anymore.
I can’t remember when I first thought of suicide, but it definitely crossed my mind several times. I didn’t really believe in a heaven or a hell, but even if there was just nothing after death, it would be better than this. For a long time, I was too afraid to do anything. I didn’t want to wake up in hospital after a failed attempt and live the rest of my life plugged into a machine or with part of my brain damaged. My little sister was always around, so I couldn’t do anything that made noise. It would have to be private.
One day was particularly bad. I don’t recall specifically what events made it so awful, but I know my self-worth was at an all-time low and the stress of school was at an all-time high. I didn’t even want to try and live a normal life any more. I just wanted out. After dinner that night, I went downstairs to the basement and tied a noose. The plan was to hang myself in my closet or maybe from the showerhead in the bathroom, but the rope was bright orange nylon and my dad noticed it sticking out of my hoodie pocket as I went upstairs. He got suspicious when I wouldn’t tell him what it was and when I finally pulled it out and started crying, he realized what I had been planning to do.
The next day, they kept me home from school and brought me to a psychiatric hospital. I did an interview with one of the psychiatrists and agreed to stay for a week but I would be under constant supervision. I remember being stripped down, giving a urine sample to test for drugs, and having my belt, shoelaces, and the drawstring from my hoodie confiscated. My Dad broke down as he gave me a hug and left me and I did too once was gone. Another boy who was only 11 patted me on the back and told me how much I’d like it there until the other boys told him to give me some space. I was feeling all kinds of things then: anger, sorrow, guilt. Once I was in that hospital, I think I realized the gravity of what I had tried to do.
That night, I had to sleep on a thin futon near the front desk and pharmacy. I was on suicide watch, or “code red,” as they called it. I barely slept that whole week and was lethargic the entire time I was there. I had a backpack with some clothes and a few books. I spent all my spare time reading and trying to ignore the other boys. My floor had about ten rooms and maybe fifteen boys ranging from 10 to 18, all there for differing reasons. Some had tried to run away from home, some had been on drugs, one had “sexually acted out,” and another just had an awful temper. In fact, a few were required to be there by law or they’d be sent back to a juvenile detention prison. No one there had been diagnosed with depression or had tried to kill themselves though.
There was always someone yelling or trying to break something. Some of the more unruly kids would argue with the staff until they were threatening to hurt them and they’d be put in “lock-up” for an hour. This was a stereotypical padded room, but I never got to see it. There were no doors on the bedrooms and the door to the bathroom was a swinging door, so anyone could interrupt you in there at any point. Metal grids were on all the windows and while the layout was spacious and the walls a pale green, it did feel very much like a prison. I got called out a few times because I’d try to sit alone in my room and they’d want to keep you in sight at all times.
They’d have me fill out a bunch of questionnaires and every other day, I’d talk to a psychologist for half-an-hour, but most of it was group therapy. We would put together a puzzle and the group therapist would explain how each of us has all the pieces we need, we just need to put them together correctly or they would show us a movie like “E.T.” and have us talk about the meaning of friendship. It was like we were in kindergarten. What a waste of time. I went along with it the best I could just to get out of there as fast as possible. They did put me on some antidepressants while I was there and I do believe they helped. At the end of the week, I lied and said I was feeling incredible and that my week there had really helped me put things in perspective.
I wrote my cousin and told her all of this – in fact, a lot of this I just copied from the actual letter verbatim. I explained I still had bad days, weeks even, but I was on antidepressants, I had several supportive friends, and there were several coping mechanisms I had for dealing with rough times. In fact, the biggest thing that helped me was meeting others my age that dealt with depression. I gave her my phone number and e-mail and told her to call or text me any time. I told her I loved her even though I hardly ever saw her.
She did write back and told me she was very thankful for the letter and that it meant a lot to her.
Then two months later, she tried again.
Once again, I don’t know the method but this time her parents took her to a mental ward much like the one I had been in. The entire family is undergoing counseling (group and individual) and I believe she’s on antidepressants now. I realize that my letter wasn’t going to fix anything, but now I wonder if it made any difference at all. I’m not mad or anything, but I do feel like my effort was in vain.
All this happened a few months ago, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. It’s made me think about my own life. I write this because I feel I’ve been slipping backward these past few months. Let me be clear: I’m not going to try to harm myself in any way, but especially in the past two weeks, I’ve felt incredible down. My mood has been a lot more volatile. Things that I used to just blow off as annoying now send my stress through the roof, get me irritable, or very emotional. Last week, I nearly cried at work just sitting in the breakroom. Just out of nowhere.
The worst thing is I can’t even pinpoint what’s happened lately to make me feel this way. All the usual stressors are there – I hate my job and can’t seem to find a better one, I’m fucking poor and in a ton of student loan debt, I’ve been single since high school, my self-esteem hasn’t been great, and my parents’ recent divorce still bothers me some days – but I’ve had to deal with these since I graduated college five years ago. Why does it all feel so bad now?
Already I’ve doubled the dosage on my medication, but I seriously think I’m going to start seeing a therapist. After my discharge from the hospital, I underwent some counseling and I don’t think it helped at all, but I’m willing to give it another try. Let’s just hope my insurance covers it. I’m lucky enough to have a supportive network of family and friends that I can confide in, but some professional help wouldn’t hurt.
I’m not looking for pity, but I just wanted to let people know because I haven’t been particularly active online. Recently, I’ve ignored a lot of people, turned down commissions, and kind of retreated into myself and for that I’m sorry. Please try to understand that things are pretty rough for me right now. I might even need to take a break from furry art for a while just to figure some things out. Same goes for social networking.
If you know anyone who’s going through a depressive episode, try and listen to them. Let them know you have their support. Try to show them some good things about themselves. Maybe invite them to something to get them out of their shell. If you’re depressed yourself, you’re not alone. You’re not weak or broken or unworthy of living a happy and fulfilling life.
Sorry to be such a downer, guys.
A few months ago, my little cousin tried to take her own life. I still don’t know the method, but I know her family was really shaken up by it. She lives on the East Coast far from me and I really only knew her through family gatherings where you meet everyone for only a few minutes at a time and then don’t see them again for three years, so her personality, interests, and troubles weren’t well-known to me. Still, I tried reaching out to her the best I could.
I was also a sophomore in high school when I went through something very similar. I’d struggled with depression since I can remember. I had a large circle of friends who didn’t seem interested in me anymore and were drifting away into their own cliques, I was constantly at odds with my parents, my relationship with my girlfriend at the time was crumbling, and halfway through the year, I was kicked out of an Honors English class because my grades had dropped too low. I was incredibly self-conscious about my acne and how skinny I was. On top of that, I had the familiar teenage mood swings of anxiety, depression, and frustration.
I felt miserable almost all the time. There were days when I felt good, but most were a challenge. At times, it felt like I was trapped in a world of black and white misery while everyone else was living in a world of color. Sometimes it felt like an incredible amount of pressure was building up inside me while other times, I just felt completely drained.
The things I used to enjoy, I found silly. The people who always cheered me up, I found boring. The future I had imagined for myself, I found pointless. It didn’t feel like living, it felt like a chore. I think I’d felt this way to a certain degree since childhood. I would experience long periods of sadness for no discernable reason. I didn’t make friends easily and I was always very hard on myself. I didn’t necessarily want to be the best, but if I couldn’t do something right. If I drew a picture and didn’t feel it looked good enough, I would tear it up angrily. I felt incredibly worthless. I used to spend hours by myself instead of playing with friends. By the time I was in high school, all of this had built up to a degree where I didn’t feel like I could withstand it anymore.
I can’t remember when I first thought of suicide, but it definitely crossed my mind several times. I didn’t really believe in a heaven or a hell, but even if there was just nothing after death, it would be better than this. For a long time, I was too afraid to do anything. I didn’t want to wake up in hospital after a failed attempt and live the rest of my life plugged into a machine or with part of my brain damaged. My little sister was always around, so I couldn’t do anything that made noise. It would have to be private.
One day was particularly bad. I don’t recall specifically what events made it so awful, but I know my self-worth was at an all-time low and the stress of school was at an all-time high. I didn’t even want to try and live a normal life any more. I just wanted out. After dinner that night, I went downstairs to the basement and tied a noose. The plan was to hang myself in my closet or maybe from the showerhead in the bathroom, but the rope was bright orange nylon and my dad noticed it sticking out of my hoodie pocket as I went upstairs. He got suspicious when I wouldn’t tell him what it was and when I finally pulled it out and started crying, he realized what I had been planning to do.
The next day, they kept me home from school and brought me to a psychiatric hospital. I did an interview with one of the psychiatrists and agreed to stay for a week but I would be under constant supervision. I remember being stripped down, giving a urine sample to test for drugs, and having my belt, shoelaces, and the drawstring from my hoodie confiscated. My Dad broke down as he gave me a hug and left me and I did too once was gone. Another boy who was only 11 patted me on the back and told me how much I’d like it there until the other boys told him to give me some space. I was feeling all kinds of things then: anger, sorrow, guilt. Once I was in that hospital, I think I realized the gravity of what I had tried to do.
That night, I had to sleep on a thin futon near the front desk and pharmacy. I was on suicide watch, or “code red,” as they called it. I barely slept that whole week and was lethargic the entire time I was there. I had a backpack with some clothes and a few books. I spent all my spare time reading and trying to ignore the other boys. My floor had about ten rooms and maybe fifteen boys ranging from 10 to 18, all there for differing reasons. Some had tried to run away from home, some had been on drugs, one had “sexually acted out,” and another just had an awful temper. In fact, a few were required to be there by law or they’d be sent back to a juvenile detention prison. No one there had been diagnosed with depression or had tried to kill themselves though.
There was always someone yelling or trying to break something. Some of the more unruly kids would argue with the staff until they were threatening to hurt them and they’d be put in “lock-up” for an hour. This was a stereotypical padded room, but I never got to see it. There were no doors on the bedrooms and the door to the bathroom was a swinging door, so anyone could interrupt you in there at any point. Metal grids were on all the windows and while the layout was spacious and the walls a pale green, it did feel very much like a prison. I got called out a few times because I’d try to sit alone in my room and they’d want to keep you in sight at all times.
They’d have me fill out a bunch of questionnaires and every other day, I’d talk to a psychologist for half-an-hour, but most of it was group therapy. We would put together a puzzle and the group therapist would explain how each of us has all the pieces we need, we just need to put them together correctly or they would show us a movie like “E.T.” and have us talk about the meaning of friendship. It was like we were in kindergarten. What a waste of time. I went along with it the best I could just to get out of there as fast as possible. They did put me on some antidepressants while I was there and I do believe they helped. At the end of the week, I lied and said I was feeling incredible and that my week there had really helped me put things in perspective.
I wrote my cousin and told her all of this – in fact, a lot of this I just copied from the actual letter verbatim. I explained I still had bad days, weeks even, but I was on antidepressants, I had several supportive friends, and there were several coping mechanisms I had for dealing with rough times. In fact, the biggest thing that helped me was meeting others my age that dealt with depression. I gave her my phone number and e-mail and told her to call or text me any time. I told her I loved her even though I hardly ever saw her.
She did write back and told me she was very thankful for the letter and that it meant a lot to her.
Then two months later, she tried again.
Once again, I don’t know the method but this time her parents took her to a mental ward much like the one I had been in. The entire family is undergoing counseling (group and individual) and I believe she’s on antidepressants now. I realize that my letter wasn’t going to fix anything, but now I wonder if it made any difference at all. I’m not mad or anything, but I do feel like my effort was in vain.
All this happened a few months ago, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. It’s made me think about my own life. I write this because I feel I’ve been slipping backward these past few months. Let me be clear: I’m not going to try to harm myself in any way, but especially in the past two weeks, I’ve felt incredible down. My mood has been a lot more volatile. Things that I used to just blow off as annoying now send my stress through the roof, get me irritable, or very emotional. Last week, I nearly cried at work just sitting in the breakroom. Just out of nowhere.
The worst thing is I can’t even pinpoint what’s happened lately to make me feel this way. All the usual stressors are there – I hate my job and can’t seem to find a better one, I’m fucking poor and in a ton of student loan debt, I’ve been single since high school, my self-esteem hasn’t been great, and my parents’ recent divorce still bothers me some days – but I’ve had to deal with these since I graduated college five years ago. Why does it all feel so bad now?
Already I’ve doubled the dosage on my medication, but I seriously think I’m going to start seeing a therapist. After my discharge from the hospital, I underwent some counseling and I don’t think it helped at all, but I’m willing to give it another try. Let’s just hope my insurance covers it. I’m lucky enough to have a supportive network of family and friends that I can confide in, but some professional help wouldn’t hurt.
I’m not looking for pity, but I just wanted to let people know because I haven’t been particularly active online. Recently, I’ve ignored a lot of people, turned down commissions, and kind of retreated into myself and for that I’m sorry. Please try to understand that things are pretty rough for me right now. I might even need to take a break from furry art for a while just to figure some things out. Same goes for social networking.
If you know anyone who’s going through a depressive episode, try and listen to them. Let them know you have their support. Try to show them some good things about themselves. Maybe invite them to something to get them out of their shell. If you’re depressed yourself, you’re not alone. You’re not weak or broken or unworthy of living a happy and fulfilling life.
Sorry to be such a downer, guys.
The Patreon Bandwagon
General | Posted 11 years agoOkay, show of hands. If I opened a Patreon account for some sketches, WIPs, and unfinished projects, would anyone be interested?
Help Me Improve
General | Posted 11 years agoI'm cautiously optimistic about the new year. A lot has changed for me in 2014 (some positive and some negative, some planned and some spontaneous) and hopefully 2015 will bring about a lot of positive changes as well.
I was looking over some of my earlier art the other day and was amazed at how far I had come. I learned a lot more about anatomy, I figured out how to color in Photoshop, draw backgrounds that fit with the characters instead of dropping them onto a photo background, and picked up a lot of friends on the way. I cringe looking at some of the atrocious arm musculature and coloring I did almost ten years ago (has it been that long?) but I keep it around to remind me how much I've improved. This year I had to push myself a lot with that "Fountain of Growth" comic. I'd never tackled something of that scale but it taught me a lot.
Still have a long ways to go, though. I want to learn to draw human faces and skin tone much better so I can branch out into non-furry illustration and perhaps learn to draw on a tablet. I want to get faster without sacrificing quality and start taking more commissions.
I wrote a smilier journal about a year ago, but I'd like to ask your help once again. If you have time, look through my gallery and in the comments, list two things that I have improved on and two things that need work (i.e. poses, anatomy, coloring, etc). If there's something you'd like to see me do more of in 2015, go ahead and list that too.
The support and advice you guys have given me has be invaluable. It's encouraged me when I doubted myself, inspired me when my creative juices just aren't flowing, and helped my identify problems I need to fix. For all it's drama and social awkwardness, I'm glad I stumbled into this fandom.
Take care of yourselves and I'll see you in the new year.
-- Artizek
I was looking over some of my earlier art the other day and was amazed at how far I had come. I learned a lot more about anatomy, I figured out how to color in Photoshop, draw backgrounds that fit with the characters instead of dropping them onto a photo background, and picked up a lot of friends on the way. I cringe looking at some of the atrocious arm musculature and coloring I did almost ten years ago (has it been that long?) but I keep it around to remind me how much I've improved. This year I had to push myself a lot with that "Fountain of Growth" comic. I'd never tackled something of that scale but it taught me a lot.
Still have a long ways to go, though. I want to learn to draw human faces and skin tone much better so I can branch out into non-furry illustration and perhaps learn to draw on a tablet. I want to get faster without sacrificing quality and start taking more commissions.
I wrote a smilier journal about a year ago, but I'd like to ask your help once again. If you have time, look through my gallery and in the comments, list two things that I have improved on and two things that need work (i.e. poses, anatomy, coloring, etc). If there's something you'd like to see me do more of in 2015, go ahead and list that too.
The support and advice you guys have given me has be invaluable. It's encouraged me when I doubted myself, inspired me when my creative juices just aren't flowing, and helped my identify problems I need to fix. For all it's drama and social awkwardness, I'm glad I stumbled into this fandom.
Take care of yourselves and I'll see you in the new year.
-- Artizek
Where Have I Been?
General | Posted 11 years agoI have to apologize for not being more active on here and on Skype. I am working on pictures and commissions, but I've just had a lot on my plate.
1) My retail job is getting more stressful now that Christmas is approaching. Our store is doing fairly well but there have been huge management shifts at other locations and I may have to drive an hour to another store to help them out if it comes to that. We had to do that last year. My sister and I want to visit grandparents in Florida for Thanksgiving but we'll probably have to settle for a seeing them a week or two in advance since I'll probably have to work Black Friday. I even had to work Thanksgiving Day last year.
Needless-to-say I'm still looking for another job. I took this job thinking I'd only be there for a few months while I found something better. A month ago I got my "one year's service" pin and felt like pure failure the entire day. I keep putting resumes out there and trying to expand my search, but God, it's frustrating.
2) New place. I'm finally out of my mom's townhouse. She has moved in with her boyfriend and I've moved in with some local furs
dadingo and 
chipfox who are two awesome and very accommodating guys. I think I'll be able to get into the local furry scene more and more and it's nice being able to talk about furry things, not having to hide your furry porn, and being able to draw tiger dicks out in the open without any questions asked. That said, I'm still adjusting.
3) Family problems...I...I may have to write a whole other journal about this.
4) Someone curating a government building in my city would like to display my (non-furry) artwork for two months. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to put price tags on anything or sell it from that venue, but it would be excellent exposure, especially since I've had some trouble getting into local galleries. It seems to have to be a member of several places and pay monthly dues before they'll consider you. I still have to check out the space, but I'll probably have to do several more paintings for this show. Again, that will take time away from my furry art.
It's nothing catastrophic but it is pretty overwhelming. I'll try and have something posted by next week.
Later everyone.
-- Artizek
1) My retail job is getting more stressful now that Christmas is approaching. Our store is doing fairly well but there have been huge management shifts at other locations and I may have to drive an hour to another store to help them out if it comes to that. We had to do that last year. My sister and I want to visit grandparents in Florida for Thanksgiving but we'll probably have to settle for a seeing them a week or two in advance since I'll probably have to work Black Friday. I even had to work Thanksgiving Day last year.
Needless-to-say I'm still looking for another job. I took this job thinking I'd only be there for a few months while I found something better. A month ago I got my "one year's service" pin and felt like pure failure the entire day. I keep putting resumes out there and trying to expand my search, but God, it's frustrating.
2) New place. I'm finally out of my mom's townhouse. She has moved in with her boyfriend and I've moved in with some local furs
dadingo and 
chipfox who are two awesome and very accommodating guys. I think I'll be able to get into the local furry scene more and more and it's nice being able to talk about furry things, not having to hide your furry porn, and being able to draw tiger dicks out in the open without any questions asked. That said, I'm still adjusting.3) Family problems...I...I may have to write a whole other journal about this.
4) Someone curating a government building in my city would like to display my (non-furry) artwork for two months. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to put price tags on anything or sell it from that venue, but it would be excellent exposure, especially since I've had some trouble getting into local galleries. It seems to have to be a member of several places and pay monthly dues before they'll consider you. I still have to check out the space, but I'll probably have to do several more paintings for this show. Again, that will take time away from my furry art.
It's nothing catastrophic but it is pretty overwhelming. I'll try and have something posted by next week.
Later everyone.
-- Artizek
Masturbation PSA
General | Posted 12 years agoBYU-Idaho is so concerned about the spiritual damage of masturbation, they've created a "Saving Private Ryan"-themed PSA about how letting your roommate jerk off is like leaving a wounded soldier on the battlefield. So I guess instead of just...you know, staying out of the room until my roommate was finished doing the Five Finger Mambo, I should have charged in with an AK-47, radioed for a medic, and firebombed his laptop. I could have pulled him away from our dorm going up in flames with a dramatic snarl on my face and his pants down, lotion in-hand as a John Williams score played.
The funniest thing about this is that it takes itself so damned seriously. Your roommate's life in this world and in the next is at stake if you continue to let him beat off to XTube. I guess that magic underwear isn't as effective as we thought.
https://youtu.be/Lhxv-lcChGM
The funniest thing about this is that it takes itself so damned seriously. Your roommate's life in this world and in the next is at stake if you continue to let him beat off to XTube. I guess that magic underwear isn't as effective as we thought.
https://youtu.be/Lhxv-lcChGM
Well, wasn't that fun?
General | Posted 12 years agoH'okay. So if we get another week-long FA blackout, here's some other websites where you can find me.
DEVIANT ART - http://artizek.deviantart.com (All my "normal" art.)
Y!GALLERY - http://www.y-gallery.net/user/artizek/ (Mostly human art.)
WEASYL - https://www.weasyl.com/profile/artizek (I finally broke down and opened an account. I don't have much posted yet.)
My Twitter handle is JaroqDeighsen.
----
I wanted to do a Christmas picture this year, but I don't know if I'll have the time. Relatives are on their way and I can't draw porn with grandma here.
DEVIANT ART - http://artizek.deviantart.com (All my "normal" art.)
Y!GALLERY - http://www.y-gallery.net/user/artizek/ (Mostly human art.)
WEASYL - https://www.weasyl.com/profile/artizek (I finally broke down and opened an account. I don't have much posted yet.)
My Twitter handle is JaroqDeighsen.
----
I wanted to do a Christmas picture this year, but I don't know if I'll have the time. Relatives are on their way and I can't draw porn with grandma here.
>:C
General | Posted 12 years agoWell played, 
sir.tundra, well played.
sir.tundra, well played.The best furries that I know are
General | Posted 12 years ago and 
. #1 fox and dog ever. If you're reading this, you should go snuggle them right now. <3Scanner Issues
General | Posted 12 years agoSo I own a MacBook Pro and saw that there was a free update for Apple's newest OS: Maverick. I decided it was free and was getting generally good ratings, so why not?
Some programs work better, some don't function at all and my scanner software is one of them. My printer is an Epson Workforce 610 all-in-one printer with the scanner and copier and fax machine. I can print things okay but there's a separate software for scanning and apparently, it's not supported on Maverick. There isn't a driver update for Maverick on Epson's site and while I've found several forums with people complaining they can't use printers or other devices, I have yet to find any solutions.
This means that while I'll still be drawing, I can't upload any new art until I get this resolved. I finished a Halloween picture last week, so I'll upload that, but until then, everybody will just have to wait. Sorry
Some programs work better, some don't function at all and my scanner software is one of them. My printer is an Epson Workforce 610 all-in-one printer with the scanner and copier and fax machine. I can print things okay but there's a separate software for scanning and apparently, it's not supported on Maverick. There isn't a driver update for Maverick on Epson's site and while I've found several forums with people complaining they can't use printers or other devices, I have yet to find any solutions.
This means that while I'll still be drawing, I can't upload any new art until I get this resolved. I finished a Halloween picture last week, so I'll upload that, but until then, everybody will just have to wait. Sorry
Employed at Last
General | Posted 12 years agoFor the last six months, I've been looking for work. I wasn't having a lot of success so I took an unpaid internship doing grant writing and blogging for a nonprofit. As luck would have it, the week I finished the internship, I got a job offer. One of my coworkers at the framing store had left for our parent company, Michaels, and once a full-time position opened up, she recommended me. I went in yesterday to fill out the paperwork and I start the job Wednesday.
On one hand, I'm real glad to have this job. All my credit cards are maxed and even though I'm getting unemployment, I'm barely making my student loan payments. I'm just keeping my head above the water, so a 40 hour job with $11 an hour (hey, that's the most I've ever got!) is going to be a real lifesaver. Hell, maybe I can save up some money and even buy my family some decent Christmas presents. I'll be doing work I'm familiar with so all I really have to learn is their computer system and whatever minor changes they have in ordering. I get to work with a former coworker, so she can explain how things differ and give me some pointers. I'll even get health insurance.
On the other hand. I feel like I'm back at square-one. I wanted a job and now I have a job, but somehow I feel like I've settled. When I got out of college, I took this framing job telling myself I would only be there for a little while and soon find a job in my field and be able to move out of my mom's and start a life of my own. Well, three years passed and it didn't happen. Getting laid off was a bit of a wake-up call. I researched grant writing, freelance, and technical writing jobs and got an internship that gave me some much-needed experience. Now I'm back at retail once again. I know I should be happy, but it feels like I didn't get anywhere.
I suppose I can always work this job and keep applying for better jobs, but a little voice in my head tells me I'm going to be doing retail for the rest of my life. My life is passing me by and I'm not making any progress. I haven't got a job in my field, I'm not putting my degree to use, I haven't even written that damn book or gotten more than one or two paintings in a gallery much less sold one.
I shouldn't complain so much. Some of my friends have graduated with master's degrees in the sciences and have only done seasonal work and internships thus far.
Needless-to-say, this means that there's going to be a longer delay between art postings. So if you're waiting on a trade or for commissions to open up, please bear with me a little longer.
Best,
Artizek
On one hand, I'm real glad to have this job. All my credit cards are maxed and even though I'm getting unemployment, I'm barely making my student loan payments. I'm just keeping my head above the water, so a 40 hour job with $11 an hour (hey, that's the most I've ever got!) is going to be a real lifesaver. Hell, maybe I can save up some money and even buy my family some decent Christmas presents. I'll be doing work I'm familiar with so all I really have to learn is their computer system and whatever minor changes they have in ordering. I get to work with a former coworker, so she can explain how things differ and give me some pointers. I'll even get health insurance.
On the other hand. I feel like I'm back at square-one. I wanted a job and now I have a job, but somehow I feel like I've settled. When I got out of college, I took this framing job telling myself I would only be there for a little while and soon find a job in my field and be able to move out of my mom's and start a life of my own. Well, three years passed and it didn't happen. Getting laid off was a bit of a wake-up call. I researched grant writing, freelance, and technical writing jobs and got an internship that gave me some much-needed experience. Now I'm back at retail once again. I know I should be happy, but it feels like I didn't get anywhere.
I suppose I can always work this job and keep applying for better jobs, but a little voice in my head tells me I'm going to be doing retail for the rest of my life. My life is passing me by and I'm not making any progress. I haven't got a job in my field, I'm not putting my degree to use, I haven't even written that damn book or gotten more than one or two paintings in a gallery much less sold one.
I shouldn't complain so much. Some of my friends have graduated with master's degrees in the sciences and have only done seasonal work and internships thus far.
Needless-to-say, this means that there's going to be a longer delay between art postings. So if you're waiting on a trade or for commissions to open up, please bear with me a little longer.
Best,
Artizek
Body Image
General | Posted 12 years agoI don’t know how many of you know this, but physically I’m the complete opposite of my tiger character. He’s a hulking powerhouse of muscle; I’m 150 lbs and built like a twig. He’s a towering 8’2”; I’m 6’0” which isn’t bad but not very impressive. He’s Incredible Hulk strong; I can’t even bench my own weight. He has amazing eyesight; I have to wear glasses. He’s striking and handsome; I’m....passable, I guess. But then, that’s what fantasy is all about, isn’t it?
With the internet, it’s easier than ever to hide your true self behind an avatar. You’re far from strong and masculine in real life - in fact, you’re kind of a pussy - but you can play that character online. It’s the ultimate wish fulfillment. Still, it bothers me when people ask me what I really look like assuming that I’m some sort of bodybuilder like my character. I show them a picture of myself shirtless and I can often sense the disappointment. They often tell me I’d look real good with some more muscle on me. I usually just shrug it off.
All throughout middle school and high school, I had pretty low self-esteem. I was terrible at sports, my family moved a lot so I had to leave friends behind and try to break into a new group of kids, I was real gangly, and often attracted bullies (rarely anything physical, though). In P.E., I never made any progress. Even in a high school weights class, I never made any strength gains and my girlfriend at the time even managed to out-bench me.
I was never good at anything requiring strength, speed, or dexterity, but I could draw. Most kids grow up drawing but not many stick with it. I’m a pretty humble person and don’t wanna come across like I’m bragging, but I’d try and make drawings as realistic as possible, I’d do elaborate shading, and study body proportions. I’d take all the art classes I could and print out muscle diagrams at school. I’d spend Algebra 2 doodling and then fail the tests. I even won a contest or two in high school.
When I created Jaroq, I unknowingly gave him all the features I wish I had: confidence, bravery, strength, sexual prowess, etc. He was a part of me but I couldn’t live through him except, of course, online. I’d always have to come back and face reality. I think a lot of people do this when they’re younger. They create an imaginary friend to help them out; a sort of alter ego. He was everything I could not be.
Funny thing, though: senior year of high school and all through college, I just stopped caring about being skinny. I don’t mean that I didn’t want to bench press my friends anymore or look at myself in the mirror and be proud of what I saw there. I just realized that while I could gain some mass and strength, it would take a tremendous effort. I have a fast metabolism and eating enough food to gain muscle and would take a probably make me throw up the first couple times. I’m a pretty healthy eater to begin with, but I’d have to measure everything I ate, eat at the proper time, take fifteen supplement pills each morning, down nasty-ass whey protein shakes, and spend two hours a day in the gym minimum.
Even if I did pack on some muscle, I’d have to work just as hard maintaining that body. If I wanted to make any serious gains, the pursuit would take up a lot of my life and restrict a lot of the things I could do. I know I’d miss out on a lot of things.
Maybe I’m lazy or too afraid to try, but I didn’t think it was ultimately worth it. To be honest, I’d rather take all that time and effort and put it toward something else like my art. I already draw most every day and try to improve myself, learn new techniques, and meet new artists. It’s not bodybuilding, but I still think determination, dedication, and the struggle to improve yourself is there, just in a less sweaty form. I’d rather have people judge me based on my art than by my appearance. I’m not ready to totally accept myself as a scrawny twink yet, but I don’t have to live in a gym to have self-worth.
I don’t meant to insult bodybuilders, models, and athletes. I really admire the dedication and drive those guys have. The way they discipline themselves is something I’ll never know. They sculpt themselves into a work of art through thousands of hours of sweating, stretching, and lifting. Everytime I see a shirtless stud jogging or a bicep filling out a shirt sleeve, I can’t help but stare like an idiot. I love seeing progress pictures from muscle furs on here. Guys like
nzbodybuilder , 
achilles , 
tremorwolf , 
shreddedwolf , 
chocolatemuscle , and 
lyonlover continue to blow my mind with how toned and muscular they can make themselves.
It’s fun to play a character who’s a musclebound tough guy. I love drawing him; I love RPing as him. Strength and muscles are my biggest (pun) fetish. That’s 90% of what I post here, but really, it isn’t me. Not in real life, anyway. It’s only a fantasy.
I’m not strong or muscular or manly or heroic, but I have a talent and I’m happy to pursue that the way a runner works to shave a few fraction of a second off his time or the way a bodybuilder struggles to gain another half inch on his quads. I’m still a little insecure about my body and probably always will be, but as long as I’m healthy and moderately happy with who I am, does that make me less of a man?
Years ago, I read about something called muscle dysmorphia (also called “bigorexia” or “The Adonis Complex”) where men feel like they have to have a bodybuilder physique or be the strongest of their group. They tie their self-worth to that ideal male image and suffer for it psychologically. Furthermore, they push themselves in the gym to the point where they injure their bodies, they take steroids that destroy their livers and give them long-term health problems, and their relationships and careers suffer.
People have talked for decades about how the media glorifies beautiful people and makes everyone else below that impossible standard feel like utter shit, but I think the gay community is especially guilty of that. So much of gay culture is about looks and even the sub-cultures like bears - though their masculine ideal is a little difference - are still mostly about appearances. The thing is, my hands certainly aren’t clean. I’m actively contributing to this with the porn I draw. Yeah, it’s unrealistic and exaggerated, but I’m still helping to prop up that standard and I really don’t know how I feel about it.
In real life, I pretty much foam at the mouth for muscle studs, but do I have a right to hold such a high standard for a partner, especially when I’m depressingly average myself? What do I have to offer? Why should they want me as much as I want them?
I guess I’m still figuring that out. I don’t have any answers.
LIFE UPDATE - I’ll be offline for about two weeks as my family drives across the country for a wedding. I’ll try to check in when I can, but don’t expect many updates for a while. When I get back, my internship will be coming to a close and I’ll be doing some serious job-hunting.
I’ll keep you posted.
With the internet, it’s easier than ever to hide your true self behind an avatar. You’re far from strong and masculine in real life - in fact, you’re kind of a pussy - but you can play that character online. It’s the ultimate wish fulfillment. Still, it bothers me when people ask me what I really look like assuming that I’m some sort of bodybuilder like my character. I show them a picture of myself shirtless and I can often sense the disappointment. They often tell me I’d look real good with some more muscle on me. I usually just shrug it off.
All throughout middle school and high school, I had pretty low self-esteem. I was terrible at sports, my family moved a lot so I had to leave friends behind and try to break into a new group of kids, I was real gangly, and often attracted bullies (rarely anything physical, though). In P.E., I never made any progress. Even in a high school weights class, I never made any strength gains and my girlfriend at the time even managed to out-bench me.
I was never good at anything requiring strength, speed, or dexterity, but I could draw. Most kids grow up drawing but not many stick with it. I’m a pretty humble person and don’t wanna come across like I’m bragging, but I’d try and make drawings as realistic as possible, I’d do elaborate shading, and study body proportions. I’d take all the art classes I could and print out muscle diagrams at school. I’d spend Algebra 2 doodling and then fail the tests. I even won a contest or two in high school.
When I created Jaroq, I unknowingly gave him all the features I wish I had: confidence, bravery, strength, sexual prowess, etc. He was a part of me but I couldn’t live through him except, of course, online. I’d always have to come back and face reality. I think a lot of people do this when they’re younger. They create an imaginary friend to help them out; a sort of alter ego. He was everything I could not be.
Funny thing, though: senior year of high school and all through college, I just stopped caring about being skinny. I don’t mean that I didn’t want to bench press my friends anymore or look at myself in the mirror and be proud of what I saw there. I just realized that while I could gain some mass and strength, it would take a tremendous effort. I have a fast metabolism and eating enough food to gain muscle and would take a probably make me throw up the first couple times. I’m a pretty healthy eater to begin with, but I’d have to measure everything I ate, eat at the proper time, take fifteen supplement pills each morning, down nasty-ass whey protein shakes, and spend two hours a day in the gym minimum.
Even if I did pack on some muscle, I’d have to work just as hard maintaining that body. If I wanted to make any serious gains, the pursuit would take up a lot of my life and restrict a lot of the things I could do. I know I’d miss out on a lot of things.
Maybe I’m lazy or too afraid to try, but I didn’t think it was ultimately worth it. To be honest, I’d rather take all that time and effort and put it toward something else like my art. I already draw most every day and try to improve myself, learn new techniques, and meet new artists. It’s not bodybuilding, but I still think determination, dedication, and the struggle to improve yourself is there, just in a less sweaty form. I’d rather have people judge me based on my art than by my appearance. I’m not ready to totally accept myself as a scrawny twink yet, but I don’t have to live in a gym to have self-worth.
I don’t meant to insult bodybuilders, models, and athletes. I really admire the dedication and drive those guys have. The way they discipline themselves is something I’ll never know. They sculpt themselves into a work of art through thousands of hours of sweating, stretching, and lifting. Everytime I see a shirtless stud jogging or a bicep filling out a shirt sleeve, I can’t help but stare like an idiot. I love seeing progress pictures from muscle furs on here. Guys like
nzbodybuilder , 
achilles , 
tremorwolf , 
shreddedwolf , 
chocolatemuscle , and 
lyonlover continue to blow my mind with how toned and muscular they can make themselves.It’s fun to play a character who’s a musclebound tough guy. I love drawing him; I love RPing as him. Strength and muscles are my biggest (pun) fetish. That’s 90% of what I post here, but really, it isn’t me. Not in real life, anyway. It’s only a fantasy.
I’m not strong or muscular or manly or heroic, but I have a talent and I’m happy to pursue that the way a runner works to shave a few fraction of a second off his time or the way a bodybuilder struggles to gain another half inch on his quads. I’m still a little insecure about my body and probably always will be, but as long as I’m healthy and moderately happy with who I am, does that make me less of a man?
Years ago, I read about something called muscle dysmorphia (also called “bigorexia” or “The Adonis Complex”) where men feel like they have to have a bodybuilder physique or be the strongest of their group. They tie their self-worth to that ideal male image and suffer for it psychologically. Furthermore, they push themselves in the gym to the point where they injure their bodies, they take steroids that destroy their livers and give them long-term health problems, and their relationships and careers suffer.
People have talked for decades about how the media glorifies beautiful people and makes everyone else below that impossible standard feel like utter shit, but I think the gay community is especially guilty of that. So much of gay culture is about looks and even the sub-cultures like bears - though their masculine ideal is a little difference - are still mostly about appearances. The thing is, my hands certainly aren’t clean. I’m actively contributing to this with the porn I draw. Yeah, it’s unrealistic and exaggerated, but I’m still helping to prop up that standard and I really don’t know how I feel about it.
In real life, I pretty much foam at the mouth for muscle studs, but do I have a right to hold such a high standard for a partner, especially when I’m depressingly average myself? What do I have to offer? Why should they want me as much as I want them?
I guess I’m still figuring that out. I don’t have any answers.
LIFE UPDATE - I’ll be offline for about two weeks as my family drives across the country for a wedding. I’ll try to check in when I can, but don’t expect many updates for a while. When I get back, my internship will be coming to a close and I’ll be doing some serious job-hunting.
I’ll keep you posted.
Commissioning Art: A How-To Guide
General | Posted 12 years agoDISCLAIMER: This is not meant to insult anyone in particular. It's just for laughs. I've actually been privileged with commissioners who do everything right and are real courteous...for the most part. Please take this with a grain of salt. I can't even begin to imagine what makers of fursuits go through.
Want some kick-ass hard for your hermaphrodite scorpion/porcupine/hummingbird hybrid, but don't know where to begin? You're in luck! Here's a handy ten step how-to guide for commissioner's everywhere!
STEP ONE First of all, you must find an artist whose work you admire, whose leg you humped and whose shirt you stole at the last convention, and whose address you’ve tracked down by posing as an insurance agent over the phone. Most artists specialize in certain types of art, which may include certain genders, fetishes, species, etc. Do some research ahead of time and see if there are certain things the artist doesn’t like to draw then disregard it completely.
If your chosen artist typically draws thin, athletic males, have them draw a four-boobed female bat drowning in her own fat. If they usually draw extremely realistic wolves in watercolor, have them do an animation of your triceratop character swapping genders. After all, artists love a challenge.
STEP TWO Many artists have certain time periods for accepting commissions. They may post a journal or do a raffle to pick a commissioner. Fuck that. Send them an e-mail even if they have “not accepting commissions” written right on the front page of their profile. Better yet, pester them during a stream or post directly on their front page where everyone can see. Artists should be flattered that you want them to draw your male zebra taur laying eggs. They need the money. How else are they going to pay off that $60,000 art school loan and excessive bar tap? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
STEP THREE A character description is the most important thing the artist can have. No character description can be too long, too detailed, or too rambling. A simple paragraph talking about a pose, setting, and your character’s physical features will leave the artist confused and with no idea how to begin. Did I say paragraphs? Ha ha. Paragraphs are for the weak. Send them a three-page wall of text with no indentions or punctuation.
Make sure to include:
a. the entire history and bloodline of your character and each of their family members
b. a reference picture you drew in barbeque sauce on a napkin while drunk
c. references of all your character’s mates, family, and twins even if they are not going to be included in the picture
d. try your hardest to get the artist’s character/s in the picture as well, preferably subbing for your character
e. explain the world you have created for the character in excruciating detail: geographical features, cities, the various races and demographics, the income bracket of your character, the system of government, population density, all magic and technology, the country’s chief exports, include it all
f. an extensive collection of all the roleplaying sessions you’ve had in the last five years
g. all the forms of your character during various phases of evolution, battle, etc.
STEP FOUR Include a photo of your penis in real life. This is an extremely important step in the commissions process. An artist cannot be expected to accurately portray your character without a real life, poorly lit photo of your greasy-ass junk. Trust me on this.
STEP FIVE Send your commissions request and wait patiently for a response. Artists can be busy people and they may not see your note or e-mail for some time. It is rude to send another e-mail without giving them enough time to read your e-mail, check their schedule, and responded to your request properly. 15 minutes should do.
It is okay to send up to fifty e-mails a day and completely flood their inbox, though fifty is just a general guideline. Enlist your friends to ask about your commission on your behalf. Be creative. Send them e-mails, FA notes, tweets, phone calls, letters, or even drive to their town and show up on their doorstep in the middle of the night to discuss your commission. This will show just how much enthusiasm you have for their artwork.
If the artist is too busy to respond or is not interested in taking your commission, ask them why. Accuse them of blowing you off because you are not popular enough. Get a site moderator or administer involved if you can.
STEP SIX Once you have convinced the artist through blackmail, bodily harm, or taking hostages, he or she can start work on your commission. Continue to barrage them with e-mails asking for updates on your order. You are now their only priority. The artist will sacrifice their day job, social life, and other projects to solely satisfy your hedgehog diaper fetish. Seriously, what else are they going to do with their time?
STEP SEVEN As a person changes in life, they reflect this in their character. Some people will switch their character to a different species, alter their body type, or change their colors around. If an artist is halfway done with drawing an outdated character, ask them to draw a new one. Better yet, if the artist has done commissions for you before, have him or her completely redo those as well. Gotta stay with the times.
STEP EIGHT Details are very important. Once you see the final sketch, make sure to correct the artist on everything they got wrong. Mention everything from the thickness of their eyebrows to nipple placement to the shape of their ass. If you originally wanted the character clothed but now want them naked, tell the artist. If you neglected to tell them you wanted a Sonic the Hedgehog filming your character in the background, go ahead and tell them now.
If you should forget something, you should tell the artist immediately: ideally, while they are still sketching but artists are always willing to bend over backwards and jump through rings of fire to please their clients. Even if they have finished coloring and shading the picture, they are always more than willing to scrap that picture and start from square one.
One artist I met said you should have had this planned out before commissioning them, but we’re all liable to mistakes, aren’t we? Who does this guy think he is? Asshole.
STEP NINE Now your picture is finished! Some artists demand payment before they start a commission, others require it once the picture is finished, and other still will allow their clients to pay in installments. Make every effort to forget the artist’s instructions. Sniff markers and aerosol cans while banging your head against the wall until you can’t remember even commissioning the artist. Tell the artist you lost your job, you had to evacuate your house because of a forest fire, your mother in law needs surgery to remove the dead fetish growing on her ass, you stubbed your toe, you have indefinite jury duty, you had to change your name and move to another state after you accidently ran over the godfather of a Mexican cartel that smuggles toys with lead paint and Kinder Eggs into the US, or all of these at once!
In the event you do have to pay for your commission, pay in increments of $4.76 over several months. Food stamps, fan fiction, and more photos of your penis are also viable payment options.
STEP TEN Now that that’s over, the picture is yours to use however you wish! Put it on troll-infested sites like rule34.paheal.net and e621.net. Use it as your Facebook profile picture. Print it out on t-shirts and wear them into work regardless of how many dicks and nipples and vaginas are drawn on it. Use Photoshop to put your real life head onto your character and post it everywhere. Everywhere!
Repeat process over and over and over again.
Want some kick-ass hard for your hermaphrodite scorpion/porcupine/hummingbird hybrid, but don't know where to begin? You're in luck! Here's a handy ten step how-to guide for commissioner's everywhere!
STEP ONE First of all, you must find an artist whose work you admire, whose leg you humped and whose shirt you stole at the last convention, and whose address you’ve tracked down by posing as an insurance agent over the phone. Most artists specialize in certain types of art, which may include certain genders, fetishes, species, etc. Do some research ahead of time and see if there are certain things the artist doesn’t like to draw then disregard it completely.
If your chosen artist typically draws thin, athletic males, have them draw a four-boobed female bat drowning in her own fat. If they usually draw extremely realistic wolves in watercolor, have them do an animation of your triceratop character swapping genders. After all, artists love a challenge.
STEP TWO Many artists have certain time periods for accepting commissions. They may post a journal or do a raffle to pick a commissioner. Fuck that. Send them an e-mail even if they have “not accepting commissions” written right on the front page of their profile. Better yet, pester them during a stream or post directly on their front page where everyone can see. Artists should be flattered that you want them to draw your male zebra taur laying eggs. They need the money. How else are they going to pay off that $60,000 art school loan and excessive bar tap? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
STEP THREE A character description is the most important thing the artist can have. No character description can be too long, too detailed, or too rambling. A simple paragraph talking about a pose, setting, and your character’s physical features will leave the artist confused and with no idea how to begin. Did I say paragraphs? Ha ha. Paragraphs are for the weak. Send them a three-page wall of text with no indentions or punctuation.
Make sure to include:
a. the entire history and bloodline of your character and each of their family members
b. a reference picture you drew in barbeque sauce on a napkin while drunk
c. references of all your character’s mates, family, and twins even if they are not going to be included in the picture
d. try your hardest to get the artist’s character/s in the picture as well, preferably subbing for your character
e. explain the world you have created for the character in excruciating detail: geographical features, cities, the various races and demographics, the income bracket of your character, the system of government, population density, all magic and technology, the country’s chief exports, include it all
f. an extensive collection of all the roleplaying sessions you’ve had in the last five years
g. all the forms of your character during various phases of evolution, battle, etc.
STEP FOUR Include a photo of your penis in real life. This is an extremely important step in the commissions process. An artist cannot be expected to accurately portray your character without a real life, poorly lit photo of your greasy-ass junk. Trust me on this.
STEP FIVE Send your commissions request and wait patiently for a response. Artists can be busy people and they may not see your note or e-mail for some time. It is rude to send another e-mail without giving them enough time to read your e-mail, check their schedule, and responded to your request properly. 15 minutes should do.
It is okay to send up to fifty e-mails a day and completely flood their inbox, though fifty is just a general guideline. Enlist your friends to ask about your commission on your behalf. Be creative. Send them e-mails, FA notes, tweets, phone calls, letters, or even drive to their town and show up on their doorstep in the middle of the night to discuss your commission. This will show just how much enthusiasm you have for their artwork.
If the artist is too busy to respond or is not interested in taking your commission, ask them why. Accuse them of blowing you off because you are not popular enough. Get a site moderator or administer involved if you can.
STEP SIX Once you have convinced the artist through blackmail, bodily harm, or taking hostages, he or she can start work on your commission. Continue to barrage them with e-mails asking for updates on your order. You are now their only priority. The artist will sacrifice their day job, social life, and other projects to solely satisfy your hedgehog diaper fetish. Seriously, what else are they going to do with their time?
STEP SEVEN As a person changes in life, they reflect this in their character. Some people will switch their character to a different species, alter their body type, or change their colors around. If an artist is halfway done with drawing an outdated character, ask them to draw a new one. Better yet, if the artist has done commissions for you before, have him or her completely redo those as well. Gotta stay with the times.
STEP EIGHT Details are very important. Once you see the final sketch, make sure to correct the artist on everything they got wrong. Mention everything from the thickness of their eyebrows to nipple placement to the shape of their ass. If you originally wanted the character clothed but now want them naked, tell the artist. If you neglected to tell them you wanted a Sonic the Hedgehog filming your character in the background, go ahead and tell them now.
If you should forget something, you should tell the artist immediately: ideally, while they are still sketching but artists are always willing to bend over backwards and jump through rings of fire to please their clients. Even if they have finished coloring and shading the picture, they are always more than willing to scrap that picture and start from square one.
One artist I met said you should have had this planned out before commissioning them, but we’re all liable to mistakes, aren’t we? Who does this guy think he is? Asshole.
STEP NINE Now your picture is finished! Some artists demand payment before they start a commission, others require it once the picture is finished, and other still will allow their clients to pay in installments. Make every effort to forget the artist’s instructions. Sniff markers and aerosol cans while banging your head against the wall until you can’t remember even commissioning the artist. Tell the artist you lost your job, you had to evacuate your house because of a forest fire, your mother in law needs surgery to remove the dead fetish growing on her ass, you stubbed your toe, you have indefinite jury duty, you had to change your name and move to another state after you accidently ran over the godfather of a Mexican cartel that smuggles toys with lead paint and Kinder Eggs into the US, or all of these at once!
In the event you do have to pay for your commission, pay in increments of $4.76 over several months. Food stamps, fan fiction, and more photos of your penis are also viable payment options.
STEP TEN Now that that’s over, the picture is yours to use however you wish! Put it on troll-infested sites like rule34.paheal.net and e621.net. Use it as your Facebook profile picture. Print it out on t-shirts and wear them into work regardless of how many dicks and nipples and vaginas are drawn on it. Use Photoshop to put your real life head onto your character and post it everywhere. Everywhere!
Repeat process over and over and over again.
Red Bubble
General | Posted 12 years agoHeeeeeeeeey! Look what's on the front page of Red Bubble!
Not real happy with how their printing process darkens and fades the colors on t-shirts, but I've submitted this design to Threadless, so we'll see where it goes from there.
-- Artizek
Not real happy with how their printing process darkens and fades the colors on t-shirts, but I've submitted this design to Threadless, so we'll see where it goes from there.
-- Artizek
Fan Mail
General | Posted 12 years agoSo I'm thinking of doing a series of three or four panel comics in which Jaroq answers fan mail.
What would you ask him?
I'm definitely going to do a "What is your biggest sexual fantasy?" and "What are you dressing as for Halloween?" comic.
Thoughts?
-- Artizek
What would you ask him?
I'm definitely going to do a "What is your biggest sexual fantasy?" and "What are you dressing as for Halloween?" comic.
Thoughts?
-- Artizek
Life has killed my post-grad dream
General | Posted 12 years agoYouTube is being a dick. Here's the video: http://youtu.be/xkGuKcuczKM
Do What You Love
General | Posted 12 years agoThey say to do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. Well, that’s all fine and dandy, but how many people do you know who are doing that? Furthermore, how many people do you know who are doing what they love and managing to support themselves?
When I graduated college, myself and everybody I knew had a dream of what they wanted to do and how they wanted to change the world, but once we entered the misery and mediocrity of The Real World, we discovered that you can’t always earn a living doing what you love. Especially with friends who were musicians or artists, finding a way to support yourself was next to impossible. Even friends who studied psychology or political science and wanted to make a difference in the world, ended up settling for clerical. Poems and watercolor paintings were in no way going to pay for an apartment, fix your car when it broke down, pay off $500 worth of student loans every month, or even feed yourself. Money can’t buy happiness, but if you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, you need to have shelter, food, and warmth before you can think about things like recognition or self-actualization.
I think one of the problems is that people kept telling me to pursue and study what I love and convinced me that the money would come later. I can’t fault them because their hearts were in the right place, but instead of learning about Dada sculpture in Berlin I wish I had been learned how to finance my goals and market myself for a job. I graduated with virtually no skills. I thought I would work at a publishing company or magazine upon graduation, but those places have been drying up and shutting down everywhere and I didn’t have the resources to go to New York or L.A. I did an internship for a while but it cost me $22 riding the bus there and back every day I went into the city. Bills started coming in, I needed a vehicle, and needed to start paying health insurance, so I took any job I could find.
I was working at a pizza place with a 16-year-old as my supervisor. He already had a child and was amazed when he found out I’d graduated college. He wanted to know what I was doing there. I wrote a few short stories in the meantime and tried to assemble of a painting and photography portfolio, but I was always too tired from work to do anything creative. At one point, I was working 50 hours a week at two minimal-wage jobs and I don’t think I got a single drawing done in those five months. I burned through my savings and spent my savings bonds on gas and college loans all while trying to enter work into galleries or submit a story to a magazine. Before I knew it, four years had gone by with nothing to show for it.
Of course, the job market sucks and will continue to suck for a long time, but there were times I felt like a complete failure. I had put my ambitions on the back burner just to settle for living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to get by. The universe isn’t picking solely on me, obviously. Most of my friends are living with their parents trying to find a job in their field and working dead-end jobs to make ends meet. Several friends of mine have biology degrees and have taken several jobs counting birds and collecting fox droppings, but they only last a few months and half of them don’t pay. They’re just looking for experience right now.
There are of course people who are doing what they love and making a living off it, but it’s very rare. You either have to be in the right place at the right time and have an absurd amount of talent (a rock star, I guess) or you have to drastically lower your standards. There are people who just hitchhike across the country taking photos or start a garage band and play at local bars. They’re not making much money but they’d do this over working in a cubicle any day.
However, not only am I deep in debt, I want some standard of living. I don’t want to end up writing poetry in a van and sharing a can of beans with five people I don’t know. I’m certainly not greedy, but I want a place of my own one day, I want a car that’s not constantly breaking down, I want to find that special someone and to be able to provide for them. I don’t think that’s much to ask for, but it seems like I can’t achieve that and do what I love at the same time.
Ultimately, I just have to keep doing what I’ve been doing for four years: keep an eye out for a good-paying job and just pursue my passion on my own time. It’s a sad idea compromising your dream, but if you want to survive, it seems like that’s just what you have to do.
https://youtu.be/i0WPC-N3UYE
When I graduated college, myself and everybody I knew had a dream of what they wanted to do and how they wanted to change the world, but once we entered the misery and mediocrity of The Real World, we discovered that you can’t always earn a living doing what you love. Especially with friends who were musicians or artists, finding a way to support yourself was next to impossible. Even friends who studied psychology or political science and wanted to make a difference in the world, ended up settling for clerical. Poems and watercolor paintings were in no way going to pay for an apartment, fix your car when it broke down, pay off $500 worth of student loans every month, or even feed yourself. Money can’t buy happiness, but if you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, you need to have shelter, food, and warmth before you can think about things like recognition or self-actualization.
I think one of the problems is that people kept telling me to pursue and study what I love and convinced me that the money would come later. I can’t fault them because their hearts were in the right place, but instead of learning about Dada sculpture in Berlin I wish I had been learned how to finance my goals and market myself for a job. I graduated with virtually no skills. I thought I would work at a publishing company or magazine upon graduation, but those places have been drying up and shutting down everywhere and I didn’t have the resources to go to New York or L.A. I did an internship for a while but it cost me $22 riding the bus there and back every day I went into the city. Bills started coming in, I needed a vehicle, and needed to start paying health insurance, so I took any job I could find.
I was working at a pizza place with a 16-year-old as my supervisor. He already had a child and was amazed when he found out I’d graduated college. He wanted to know what I was doing there. I wrote a few short stories in the meantime and tried to assemble of a painting and photography portfolio, but I was always too tired from work to do anything creative. At one point, I was working 50 hours a week at two minimal-wage jobs and I don’t think I got a single drawing done in those five months. I burned through my savings and spent my savings bonds on gas and college loans all while trying to enter work into galleries or submit a story to a magazine. Before I knew it, four years had gone by with nothing to show for it.
Of course, the job market sucks and will continue to suck for a long time, but there were times I felt like a complete failure. I had put my ambitions on the back burner just to settle for living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to get by. The universe isn’t picking solely on me, obviously. Most of my friends are living with their parents trying to find a job in their field and working dead-end jobs to make ends meet. Several friends of mine have biology degrees and have taken several jobs counting birds and collecting fox droppings, but they only last a few months and half of them don’t pay. They’re just looking for experience right now.
There are of course people who are doing what they love and making a living off it, but it’s very rare. You either have to be in the right place at the right time and have an absurd amount of talent (a rock star, I guess) or you have to drastically lower your standards. There are people who just hitchhike across the country taking photos or start a garage band and play at local bars. They’re not making much money but they’d do this over working in a cubicle any day.
However, not only am I deep in debt, I want some standard of living. I don’t want to end up writing poetry in a van and sharing a can of beans with five people I don’t know. I’m certainly not greedy, but I want a place of my own one day, I want a car that’s not constantly breaking down, I want to find that special someone and to be able to provide for them. I don’t think that’s much to ask for, but it seems like I can’t achieve that and do what I love at the same time.
Ultimately, I just have to keep doing what I’ve been doing for four years: keep an eye out for a good-paying job and just pursue my passion on my own time. It’s a sad idea compromising your dream, but if you want to survive, it seems like that’s just what you have to do.
https://youtu.be/i0WPC-N3UYE
How many of these furries do you know?
General | Posted 12 years ago1. THE SHOCK JOCK – the guy who intentionally says incredibly bigoted, offensive shit just to bathe in the reaction he gets from people. He’s a little more developed than a troll because his posts are more thought out than simply saying “yur a faggat and ur art sux!” If you try to confront him about any of his asshattery, he’ll just serve you a plate of LOLs and tell you not to be so easily offended.
2. THE BARNACLE – that guy who in madly in love with you and wants to hang around you all the time and you don’t have the heart to tell him to get lost. He’s only seem a few pictures of yours but is convinced that through your FA account, he know enough about you to be in love with you. He sends you three or four notes every day saying you and him will meet one day and all will be right with the world. I already wrote a pretty mean-spirited journal about this one (http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1554880/), but these creeps keep popping up everywhere.
3. THE SENSTIVE FLOWER – there is a distinct difference between constructive criticism and trolling somebody’s art. The first is mean to help that person grow as an artist and improve minor things like anatomy issues, coloring, or poor writing; the second is just insulting their art. Unfortunately, The Sensitive Flower sees any criticism as an insult. “If you don’t like my misshapen penis with a triangle head, you don’t have to look at it!!!!1111” They’ll chew you out in the comments section, delete their entire account, and then show up a few months later and repost their art under a different name. This guy should not be confused with:
4. THE REPOSTER – if it worked the first thirty times, why not once more? They will delete their art and repost it, hoping that A) you’ve forgotten about it or B) they have amassed a bigger fan base than the last time they posted it and hope it’ll get more views now. Sometimes they’ll post ten versions of a picture with barely noticeable differences in coloring. Furthermore, they'll upload your art to a website of 12-year-old trolls butchering the English language: rule34.paheal.com and e621.net, for example.
5. THE SELF-DELUDING SAGE – will make a journal with one sentence they pulled out of their ass as either an inside joke or a sad attempt at being profound.
6. THE INSTAGRAMMER – somehow they’ve mixed up their Twitter or Instagram account with their FA account and flood FA with pictures of food they made.
7. THE ART THIEF – needs no explanation but I’ve found a lot of art manipulators, too. They’ll pull a picture from FA and add another set of dicks onto it or on human muscle sites, I’ve seen Braford’s anthro art with human heads Photoshopped onto them. Then there’s people who blatantly trace the art of others.
I could add a bunch of names to each of these, but I don’t feel like starting a war. Plus, you probably already know a lot of furries that match these descriptions.
Sorry to be in such a pissy mood. This fandom just infuriates me at times.
-- Artizek
2. THE BARNACLE – that guy who in madly in love with you and wants to hang around you all the time and you don’t have the heart to tell him to get lost. He’s only seem a few pictures of yours but is convinced that through your FA account, he know enough about you to be in love with you. He sends you three or four notes every day saying you and him will meet one day and all will be right with the world. I already wrote a pretty mean-spirited journal about this one (http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1554880/), but these creeps keep popping up everywhere.
3. THE SENSTIVE FLOWER – there is a distinct difference between constructive criticism and trolling somebody’s art. The first is mean to help that person grow as an artist and improve minor things like anatomy issues, coloring, or poor writing; the second is just insulting their art. Unfortunately, The Sensitive Flower sees any criticism as an insult. “If you don’t like my misshapen penis with a triangle head, you don’t have to look at it!!!!1111” They’ll chew you out in the comments section, delete their entire account, and then show up a few months later and repost their art under a different name. This guy should not be confused with:
4. THE REPOSTER – if it worked the first thirty times, why not once more? They will delete their art and repost it, hoping that A) you’ve forgotten about it or B) they have amassed a bigger fan base than the last time they posted it and hope it’ll get more views now. Sometimes they’ll post ten versions of a picture with barely noticeable differences in coloring. Furthermore, they'll upload your art to a website of 12-year-old trolls butchering the English language: rule34.paheal.com and e621.net, for example.
5. THE SELF-DELUDING SAGE – will make a journal with one sentence they pulled out of their ass as either an inside joke or a sad attempt at being profound.
6. THE INSTAGRAMMER – somehow they’ve mixed up their Twitter or Instagram account with their FA account and flood FA with pictures of food they made.
7. THE ART THIEF – needs no explanation but I’ve found a lot of art manipulators, too. They’ll pull a picture from FA and add another set of dicks onto it or on human muscle sites, I’ve seen Braford’s anthro art with human heads Photoshopped onto them. Then there’s people who blatantly trace the art of others.
I could add a bunch of names to each of these, but I don’t feel like starting a war. Plus, you probably already know a lot of furries that match these descriptions.
Sorry to be in such a pissy mood. This fandom just infuriates me at times.
-- Artizek
Survey
General | Posted 12 years agoEnough emo journals for now. Here's something stolen from 
sudonym :
1 - How did you find my work?
2 - What keeps you coming back?
3 - What do I do best?
4 - What do I do worst?
5 - What do you want to see more of?
6 - ..and what less of?
7 - And just for giggles, what kind of person do seem like to you?
Please be as honest as possible with #4. You can list multiple things there.
Thanks,
Artizek
sudonym :1 - How did you find my work?
2 - What keeps you coming back?
3 - What do I do best?
4 - What do I do worst?
5 - What do you want to see more of?
6 - ..and what less of?
7 - And just for giggles, what kind of person do seem like to you?
Please be as honest as possible with #4. You can list multiple things there.
Thanks,
Artizek
INFJ
General | Posted 13 years agoI never put that much credence into internet personality tests, but I have to admit this one is pretty accurate. According the the Myers-Briggs test drawing on Jungian psychology, I'm a (I)ntrovert i(N)tuition (F)eeling (J)udging person and the rarest of the 16 personality types. Carl Jung himself was an INFJ, so was Gandhi, Dostoyevsky, Thomas Jefferson, and.....Osama bin Laden??
According to Wikipedia:
INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear and confident vision, which they then set out to execute, aiming to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.
INFJs have been mistaken for extroverts, as they tend to possess multiple personalities due to their complex inner life; however, they are true introverts. INFJs are private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Though they are very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.
INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life that they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types; however, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people and tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal (except to their closest companions). INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits" rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.
INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately, deeply woven, mysterious, highly complex, and often puzzling, even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired, yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition.
The more you know!
According to Wikipedia:
INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear and confident vision, which they then set out to execute, aiming to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.
INFJs have been mistaken for extroverts, as they tend to possess multiple personalities due to their complex inner life; however, they are true introverts. INFJs are private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Though they are very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.
INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life that they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types; however, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people and tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal (except to their closest companions). INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits" rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.
INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately, deeply woven, mysterious, highly complex, and often puzzling, even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired, yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition.
The more you know!
Oh for God's sake...
General | Posted 13 years agoIt always annoys me when my art gets posted on sites like Rule34 and e621, but at least the troll's comments are fun to read.
http://e621.net/post?tags=artizek
http://rule34.paheal.net/post/view/.....7#search=ronso
I guess if you post a picture online, you really can control what people will do with it, but it's still kind of irritating.
http://e621.net/post?tags=artizek
http://rule34.paheal.net/post/view/.....7#search=ronso
I guess if you post a picture online, you really can control what people will do with it, but it's still kind of irritating.
FUCK!!
General | Posted 13 years agoI found out this morning that my store is going out of business in two months. It's not that we didn't sell enough or didn't reach our budget goals. The landlord raised the rent and the company doesn't want to continue paying for it, so they're closing our store. We'll be having this huge liquidation sale and anything that doesn't sell will be given to other stores. It's gonna be extremely busy since we have a pretty loyal customer base, but also depressing as hell seeing the shelves broken down, "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS" signs up in the windows, all my coworkers so miserable. I'm not great friends with any of them, but I like most of them a lot. We sometimes see each other on weekends and have meet some of each others families at one point.
Since I've worked there almost three years, I'll be given some sort of bonus but it's based on two weeks of my current wages which is a little more than minimal wage. I suppose I could get a job at another framing store but maybe this is a sign that I need to search for something better. Maybe put this degree to some use.
I'm drinking and drawing porn all of tonight, but tomorrow I'll start job hunting, which I absolutely despise. I hate sending out resumes to never hear anything back, driving to different companies and trying to get some face-time with people, or filling out those half-hour questionnaires on websites, but there's really no way around it. I can apply for unemployment if I absolutely can't find anything. Unemployment is 7.7% in Colorado as of November, but maybe I should try another state. I could move in with a friend from college or a furry. I just don't have many skills with this English degree. I was a keyholder, I did closing paperwork and closed registers, and in a way, I had a few people under my supervision, but I don't know how marketable that is.
After finishing these comics I was hoping to take a hiatus to focus on non-furry artwork, but I guess I have no choice but to open commissions just to get some money flowing in.
Sorry to be so whiney, but this just feels like another thing to toss on my pile of problems. Here's hoping that 2013 sucks a little less dead elephant cock. u_u
Since I've worked there almost three years, I'll be given some sort of bonus but it's based on two weeks of my current wages which is a little more than minimal wage. I suppose I could get a job at another framing store but maybe this is a sign that I need to search for something better. Maybe put this degree to some use.
I'm drinking and drawing porn all of tonight, but tomorrow I'll start job hunting, which I absolutely despise. I hate sending out resumes to never hear anything back, driving to different companies and trying to get some face-time with people, or filling out those half-hour questionnaires on websites, but there's really no way around it. I can apply for unemployment if I absolutely can't find anything. Unemployment is 7.7% in Colorado as of November, but maybe I should try another state. I could move in with a friend from college or a furry. I just don't have many skills with this English degree. I was a keyholder, I did closing paperwork and closed registers, and in a way, I had a few people under my supervision, but I don't know how marketable that is.
After finishing these comics I was hoping to take a hiatus to focus on non-furry artwork, but I guess I have no choice but to open commissions just to get some money flowing in.
Sorry to be so whiney, but this just feels like another thing to toss on my pile of problems. Here's hoping that 2013 sucks a little less dead elephant cock. u_u
Bah Humbug
General | Posted 13 years agoHere's a mini-update.
1. Since I'm working at a retail store, I am spending most of my waking hours at work. We've extended hours and when I get home I'm exhausted. I have family coming in and still have half of my Christmas shopping to do. I'm gonna try and get something cool posted by Christmas for you guys, but I can't make any guarantees.
2. The first muscle growth comic is a third of the way done. If it's okay with the commissioner, I'll post a preview before the month is out. Also, I'd like to continue the "Sharp-Dressed Tiger" series because I have a few new idea for outfits (Jedi Jaroq!)
3. Go to Google Images, type in "king moonracer," and look at the fourth image. I'm famous!! XD
4. I've sold out and made a Twitter account so I can be like all you cool kids. It's artizek. Simple enough.
Don't drink too much eggnog.
-- Artizek
1. Since I'm working at a retail store, I am spending most of my waking hours at work. We've extended hours and when I get home I'm exhausted. I have family coming in and still have half of my Christmas shopping to do. I'm gonna try and get something cool posted by Christmas for you guys, but I can't make any guarantees.
2. The first muscle growth comic is a third of the way done. If it's okay with the commissioner, I'll post a preview before the month is out. Also, I'd like to continue the "Sharp-Dressed Tiger" series because I have a few new idea for outfits (Jedi Jaroq!)
3. Go to Google Images, type in "king moonracer," and look at the fourth image. I'm famous!! XD
4. I've sold out and made a Twitter account so I can be like all you cool kids. It's artizek. Simple enough.
Don't drink too much eggnog.
-- Artizek
Artistically Stagnant
General | Posted 13 years agoSo I seem to get artist's block in one of two ways:
In the FIRST scenario, I know what I want to draw. I have the poses, the layout, and character all in my mind but I can't seem to translate it on to paper. I go through sketch after sketch and draft after draft, but the proportions are off, the perspective sucks, the composition is static. Nothing is coming out right. I can go through four or five sheets of paper before I give up.
In the SECOND scenario, it's not that I can't create what's in my mind, but that I don't want to. Inspiration has either dried up or I'm in an artistic emo phase where I've convinced myself that everything I do is shit and I'm just wasting my time. This has currently been happening more with my writing than with art (I haven't written anything original in half a year), but weeks will go by when I don't even touch a sketchbook.
Right now I'm in the first scenario after trying to finish another page of this comic, but my question to you is: how do you overcome this? I'm doing more commissions to pay bills and I don't this to eat into the time I could be working on commissions. Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Artizek
In the FIRST scenario, I know what I want to draw. I have the poses, the layout, and character all in my mind but I can't seem to translate it on to paper. I go through sketch after sketch and draft after draft, but the proportions are off, the perspective sucks, the composition is static. Nothing is coming out right. I can go through four or five sheets of paper before I give up.
In the SECOND scenario, it's not that I can't create what's in my mind, but that I don't want to. Inspiration has either dried up or I'm in an artistic emo phase where I've convinced myself that everything I do is shit and I'm just wasting my time. This has currently been happening more with my writing than with art (I haven't written anything original in half a year), but weeks will go by when I don't even touch a sketchbook.
Right now I'm in the first scenario after trying to finish another page of this comic, but my question to you is: how do you overcome this? I'm doing more commissions to pay bills and I don't this to eat into the time I could be working on commissions. Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Artizek
Muscle Music
General | Posted 13 years agoYou have to get a load of this:
http://vimeo.com/47875656
http://vimeo.com/47875656
Ask Jaroq Anything
General | Posted 13 years agoNo limits, nothing is off subject. Just keep in mind that this is for my character, Jaroq, and not me as an artist.
If you see italicized text, it's me - the artist - intervening. I can't guarantee Jaroq will answer your question the way you'd like. If it's a dumb question, he may just punch you in the face.
-- Artizek
If you see italicized text, it's me - the artist - intervening. I can't guarantee Jaroq will answer your question the way you'd like. If it's a dumb question, he may just punch you in the face.
-- Artizek
