What the title says! Contact me if you're interested

I'm opening 4 commission slots for me to work on after finishing the current commissions in a week or so
I'll finish those 4 new commissions before taking a month long break, during which commissions will be closed. Let me know if you're interested!

Honestly I've been feeling more social lately
but tbh i tend to only stay social for a while, but while I'm like that i can manage to enjoy being in a server, it can be fun
so dunno i could join a serve maybe?
I'm so assertive as you can see

Been playing pokemon shield and i need either a flapple or a tart apple. I have a spare Appletun to trade!

that's it

I know I already work too slowly, but I've been way worse lately; it's been hard to work every day. Anxiety, not very good physical and mental health (I've been living a really sedentary life for the last 3 to 4 years), depression and other problems have been making this schedule really difficult to keep up with.
It doesn't help that we're poor, and i can't really take breaks; when i do, it's not for long enough, and it's not a relaxing break. I only get a break when i'm doing way too bad to work, and i only allow myself to not work for that reason rarely.
Still, i dont like making clients wait, and I should be the one managing my schedule better, and also try and deal with my problems more directly, as hard as it could be.
In any case, clients shouldnt be having to deal with it, and for that i apologize.
(Yet another reason I'll keep my policy of not being paid in advance, to make it so clients can more easily cancel their commissions if they're understandably frustrated with waiting too long)

https://ko-fi.com/A714PA6
Found out our cat’s surgery and postoperative care will be more expensive than we thought…. So things wont go as smoothly as planned
Because of that we're getting even lower on funds than we were prepared for
Any help would be really appreciated!

It's annoying that I cant change my username here, and I have a new username in other sites
I could instead use sillyrobo (my nsfw art account) to post all my art instead, and that wouldnt be a problem since i still use sillyrobo for my nsfw twitter account. I dunno.

yay

gonna delete it today. and maybe post the old prices tomorrow.

I'm tired, nothing changed, nothing gets better, I explained my situation too many times to the point where it's probably really annoying to everyone.
wanna know the situation, you can see it in my other journals
im just exhausted and unable to take a break. I'm drowning in anxiety and depression with the weight of the world on my back
im too tired to explain it further but basically my family depends on me. it's too much. i need to work everyday and I'm not getting anywhere
not even being able to get new clients. not that many people is interested in my art, it would make sense if one day I run out of it.
doesnt matter I'm too exhausted and i wanna give up

nothing new rlly

2 slots left before I close commissions again!

My career isn’t really getting anywhere, honestly
Even though I have more followers, my art doesnt seem to have more visibility than before.
I dont get more help than before.
I don't make more $/h than before.
I'm struggling to see any sign that my situation got better. I've made no progress in this career, at all.
And the worst? There are NO better options for me. The only reason i'm paying bills is because I work on commissions every day. I cant get another job bc i'd be making less money with it. 3x less, actually.

I'm just exhausted knowing I have made no progress at all.

Ok! First of all I know this is asking too much!
Also don't worry, that's not an emergency!!
It's just that this friend really likes this pokemon. I wanna draw them a Dragonite illustration
(In the same style of these illustration of the new starters I drew a couple weeks ago)

The thing is though: if you know about my situation, you know that I'm always in need of money, so I'm always working on commissions
I can never draw anything for myself, because that would mean earning a bit less that month, which isn't something I can always afford
(I'm not even making enough to always have a comfortable month)

SO
If someone commissioned that piece (I can give a discount and make it only $35 instead of $45/50!) I would be able to work on it and not lose a day of work
Again, I know that's asking for too much!! And again, it's no emergency! It's not a big deal like my other problems

Just throwing it out there just in case!

So it seems I'm having some shitty health problems. Circulatory problems and reflux issues. Helped by the fact that I can't afford to not work every single day. Like im not dealing with creeping anxiety every day.
I tried raising prices just a bit to help me make a bit closer to what I need to make every month now. Even with the change in prices I wouldn't make the $300 more i need to do every month.
But I'm not getting any new commissions with the new price! Anywhere. I'll need to revert prices to what they were.

Also because of health issues I was recommending working less. Working less!
What I used to make overdosing every single day wasn't enough! Now this!
How am I supposed to do that
I'm already having daily anxiety attacks because of that, feeling debilitated bc of these health problems
I don't have he resources to get it properly treated, having to take more breaks means making less money. So less resources. Less food. Less peace of mind
I'm already an emotional wreck and now this. And the next month's will only get worse because I'll make even less while we're still needing more.
I can't keep going. Please don't tell me to keep going. This can't be solved by just keeping going. I have no viable options. I've been suffering for very long now and it keeps getting worse and worse. I'm sorry but that's it.

Blah blah same as always, I'm depressed, anxious, I feel exhausted, I'm fcking poor, this country sucks, it's too hard to get a job and it's even harder to get a job that pays decently, so much so that commissions are my best option possible.
My father stopped helping us and not I need to make 33% more what I make every month and I just cant. i had to spend all money I was saving.
no money for emergencies. of any kind. no medical insurance. no medical plan. nothing. zero. that money is gone. and next money i wont have that. we just wont pay some bills.
if we dont pay rent we're out. if we dont pay the electricity bill I cant work. we're done. same for the internet bill. so what are we supposed to do? starve?
this is too much for me. i wanna die so fucking bad. this life is pure hell. i've been through this for way too long and not it only got worse. how am i supposed to do this

So yeah we're still poor, jobs are too hard to get here, the most basic ones pays terribly In fact I make 3 times more with commissions than what I would get with a regular job.
2 of my siblings finished college and still can't get any jobs in their areas. They're working but they make a 6th of what i make with commissions.
The only reason I make enough to help us is that i'm not dealing with the local market. The only reason I make enough is that I'm being paid in dollars. That's it.
I didn't even plan that, I just was lucky.

So getting a steady job here actually wouldn't help me at all. It would have to be a big job, something I'm not qualified for at all here.
So as bad as it sounds, getting consistent commissions is the only viable "solution" at the moment.
I have been getting commissions almost consistently for the past 2 years, but in order to do that I needed to undervalue my work.
Now I'm afraid I'm not getting as much commissions as I'd want to feel any safe, and the amount I used to make every month isn't enough anymore now that my father won't help us anymore.
What I need is more visibility. But it's too hard making any more art than I do now since commissions are my top priority at all times.
I need some help but I don't know what could really help me. In a good month I used to make 850/900 usd and that was at least enough for us to survive. Not enough for any comfort, and not enough for me to not want to die, but better than nothing. Now without that extra help I need to make around 1150 usd. And I have no idea how to do that.

Check it out if you're interested!
https://artsyrobo.weebly.com/commissions-info.html

Yeah nothing changed except I'm still alive for no reason other than I need to keep working to sustain my family
if you wanna know how shitty things are just read my last journal before this one
i'm exhausted, pretty much gave up, i'm basically only alive to keep working
i'm not getting any less poor. in fact we're getting less help from people who were supposed to help us. including my father. whatever. i'll just to work more bc that's all i live for.

you know i'm beyond depressed and exhausted and poor and i've been so for a while. i have dealt with suicidal thoughts too often for too long now. tomorrow things will get worse though. i feel no hope for this world and my country is about to elect a fascist man, publicly homophobic, sexist, racist who loves his heroes who tortured people during the dictatorship. hate crimes happen in the last elections, it will only get worse. i'll be even more afraid of going outside. i already wanted to die and this only makes everything worse. i cant find any hope inside or outside of me. i wanna die before i see that happening. and it will happen tomorrow. i cant see myself wanting to stay around for any longer before seeing everything getting even worse. im sorry but that's it for me

So yeah, my throat is sore and I've been dealing with a fever for the last couple days. I know it happened because I've been overworking and I haven't been getting enough sleep, and a couple days ago I tried not sleeping for a day because I was late with commission. Terrible idea. When I overwork and my immunologic system gets a bit weak, my sore throat comes back. It haven't happened for a couple years now, so I thought it would be no problem.
Again nothing so serious, just really really annoying. I'm already treating it, and hopefully I'll get better soon. In the meantime I can't work though, and that's no good for us here.
Sorry for asking, but if you wanna help you can send me a couple bucks via ko-fi! ko-fi.com/A714PA6
Don't feel like you need to, but it would help me with my situation ^^

nothing got better and i dont have the energy to explain why. i wish id end my life bu i don have a choice. gave up on life bu i need to keep working. so i will. nothing helps me though. i've been dealing with this for more than a decade and it only gets worse. and im just venting here bc im tired of venting to the same people even though it doesnt make sense to vent here. doesnt matter