cheese its I has found youuuuuuuuuu!
between my wall and desk
I will now conquer you
and destroy
WHA HA HA HA HA HA!

http://www.formspring.me/AscheDRW

ask me shit I dare you

I'm really just sick of everything.
I try to keep up an appearance that everything is fine, that I'm doing good. I keep people away from my house and family to help hide these facts and make my happyness seem real.

but I can take it any more. my mom likes to toy with my mind to the point I just can't take this. I keep trusting her and falling for these little traps she has set up. takes me out the dinner some place far away thinking, hey maybe she's trying to be nice to me for once you know get along. then on the car ride back give me every reason why I'm a burden and miss hap to her life. literally I think trying to push me over the edge. then wonder's why I have such a weird out look on life. of why I don't like people, trust or have a lot of goles at all for anything.

my dad could care less about me, he gets me things I need telling me to get out at some point that he doesn't love me neither dose my mother. and I just shrug it off. trying not to act affected or weaken, from it. so he won't think that he's affecting me or won in any way. to try to keep him from getting any satisfaction out of it.

which I then turn to my bunnys who are derpy as hell and scared of me due to anger out burst having scared them, afrade after my crying and stuff and throwing a few stuffed animals that I mite do the same to them, and they try to get away.

I just don't see a point in doing anything at this point, you go to school all your life to work a dead end job being tired all the time stressed out, reproduce, deal with that stress. then die. I just don't see the point of all this eat sleep die, that basically it in my mind.

I rely on my vicodin as I see to try to null out the world and everything around me. I can't keep giving my self some kinda false hope any more. I need to get out. and get away. and just try to restart. I hate bitching on fa. but I can't keep up this act to well.

it affects all my relationships with people cause I can't let people take care of me, I have to lead every idea, and though, and be the dominate one. and people can't stand. I'm like my mom with her having to control everything. I hate having any one take care of me. I'm one big some kinda mess

so some idiot thats been doing this for months and I though they finally got bored decided to make more aim accounts to try to make me mad.

originally I would just kinda be my passive self let them do their thing, then use their words against them, and make them mad. but that got annoying and a task, so now I just block.

but really do people have nothing better to do for months then to try to troll and harass them.

I could under stand a week or two but like months, thats just proving you got no life. I know very few people that have the time to do anything like that.

but w/e thats what they report and block buttons are for.

so I've had a very very very fun last few weeks. the most recent being the most fun.

so found the cause of why my arthritis randomly fucking kicked up. and found out I gots RA, so I got meds for that now to take, then something to help my immune system since is some how fucks that up.

also got an abnormal pap smear and was like shit shit shit shit shit. so more testing there. its nothing to bad, I got pills to take for that too, they need to keep monitoring it. the RA didn't help with this.

and then I feel down the steps at grandpas (pasha's) and like really fucked up my right leg, so both my legs hurt, and its like ow ow ow.

currently making a fur suit, or was last weekend till I like fucked up my leg, had to take some pills for something and they made me sick as fuck. finished making the foot to the suit and fell down the stairs then spend the next day resting. now looking at it I need to like cut something to make it look a little different not sure what, but its like bothering me some how..... idk how but it just is.

little depressed having some boy probs kinda kinda not. don't really want to be alone for thanksgiving and xmas those a big family holidays and this time of the year is very important to me. so idk what to do. I'm a pretty positive person so I can get thru this, just not sure how much longer I can always take the positive rout.

also still going to mff, kinda keep forgetting about it a little bit.
and going to canada to take ix to his bf and get me some more pills.
had the guy who deals with my RA tell me to try to stop taking them. I don't need to stop now, for my arm, or RA but they think I would do better with out them. so I'm thinking about it. just not sure if I want to. when I start seeing and hearing things thats when I plan to stop.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:14873139
okay so this dude has gotten fucked over
big time and has like till the 15th to pay off 5000$
or he looses his house
he is repaying people in full.

so I installed some kext(drivers) to get my wireless and sound to start/ stop working.

and went a little crazy and then tried to fix the wake from sleep problem and use a beta hack of 1.6.5 since the actual update atm the official is 1.6.4.

and I think I did too much at once. broke it

used a windows hack, to get into the mac partition, to delete what I did (since the 1.6.5 worked when I did it) and get rid of the kext I put in, and well some how the partition before I deleted anything, became corrupt and is now fucked over.

so I broke it again. while this is all sad, since it took me hours to get it working the way I wanted it. I am actually kinda giddy cause I like messing with that os and doing everything with it.

so its bad and good. just really fucking annoying. currently at a mcd's fixing some one else's computer for some extra cash and burning a disk on mine.

hate when customers won't let me go to their house, won't come to mine, so I gotta sit in a mcd fixing a damn computer. people just look at you weird.

so I decided to get a dream cast
comes with a semi working version of sonic adventure 2
got sonic adventure
and the game called evolutions

games I wanna get still don't or won't have
sonic adventure 2 (unless I can fix the disk)
evolutions 2
fur fighter
sonic shuffle (yes I know this game is kinda stupid)
vigilante 8
skies of arcadia (this one is very expensive)
raymen 2 (idk y I want this)

to get controlers and vmu's I am gonna go to good will out in troy
they have like 30 controls and 10 vmu's for like 3-5$ which is pretty cheap
and some games.

I like to check those places cause its where I get a lot of my stuff, thats from about 1988-2000

also wanna get a game gear and I will be content for a while.

but ya.
yay retro
yay dream cast

got all this for like 50$ btw
thanks to ebay.

okay so I didn't take any pain meds for the last 3 days
and have been googleing the shit out of every weird ass thing in the world. which would be something some one would do while drugged up so idk whats going on there.

but as quickly as technology has grown in the last 10 years, with computers, cell phones, and robotics, and the natural fear of death I've been looking to see if there is any way for a person to kinda live on with their own brain in a robot.

and this lead to the finding of some interesting research youtube video's and a lot of crazy tea drinkers (aka the British) they managed to make a robot that uses a rat brain to move. it picks up on the mic, camera, and light sensor in the little robot and can move around and work its way thru a maze and, keep its self from running into thing by using brain cells. this is pretty cool, in all respect, due to the difference in the information our brain send and computers and read. but its all coming down to the electrical signals that the brain cells are sending thru the processors to the controls. even those these are simple tasks the fact brain cells can use the robot to act out simple tasks is pretty cool.

hopefully in 50 years this technology will grow if religion won't say that its bad, shun it and have it turned away. we mite be able to take our own brains some day, and do the same thing. basically never dieing. which would be cool shit. to keep watch the world go by. I'd give anything for that.

well here's hoping religion won't get in the way of something awesome and that this research is continued beyond some random tea drinkers that were just doing this to see if it would just work out of random tinkering.

so I was cleaning him and checking his hurt foot which has healed and is doing fine now.

well when I was cleaning up his bum and just pulling out the last of his recent fur molt, that he has only one testicle, i feel bad for never really looking at him in that 'way' before, so he has one slightly swollen, and is missing the other. which normally the missing one stays in the body, and well it can't deal with the heat dies, and tends to cause infection, and cancer, the reason for the one that did descend to be swollen. its still pink so its not bad but swollen.

I've talked with the rescue I used to work with, and where he ended up coming from, even tho he is still part of 'their care' they refuse to care about this or do anything about it, told me its my job to deal with this, even tho he is staying here, so he has a home. kinda like a foster home but with me its permanent. basically cause they can't sell him/ re home him, and get back the fee for fixing him they don't want anything to do with him.

so I am kinda looking for help to fix him. last I checked it was about 120$ to fix a rabbit.

looking for donations, to bunnyhelp[at]live.com
I will do sketches for those that donate to the bunny.
if I can get him fixed before it gets too swollen and red he will most likely be fine.

in a nut shell, if he doesn't get fixed he's gonna get cancer and a bad infection. which won't be too fine.

just paid for mff. so I'm ready to go, well at least the entrance fee is paid for.
hotel, gas and food aren't.

collecting money from selling things for that.
need to sell 20 scarfs, 20 badges,
or 2 partial fur suits for that to work out.
if not back to donating plasma for me.

okay since I have seemed to get a lot of good response from my fur suit I made. and a few asking me to make them suits. I have decided to be open for business.
I can only make partials atm, and before mff, if you are local I can most likely pop out three, or four. and if you are at mff I can most likely bring it too you for a small fee since I won't be able to have extras in my car due to the suit.

so for pricing, I charge for materials. they can range from 120-160 depending on if you need long or short fur.
then the fee for making is about 120, now if it requires a lot of detail depending on the detail its gonna a bit more. for the time, that its gonna take.

pleas pm me if you want one.
or comment here.

also still doing dolls and scarfs.

so I found some one that has some little bunnies that just aren't perfect.
and can't be shown in shows.

so I'm gonna take them.

they are twin bonded boys, meaning if they separate they can get very depressed.

so yay I will have three boys with my current one, who is recovering and will do fine, I was able to get to a vet, and get drops that needed to be given for 12 hours every like 30 min, and now he's fine.
names ringo & jayden

okay so I noticed my rabbit was acting weirder then he normally dose.
and well I checked him and he has diarrhea, he's still pretty active and freaks out, when I go to grab him which is a very good thing. show's he's still going.

I've given him a banana extra hay, and rice, which helps him, and gave him a home made saline bag for rehydrate. and he drank some. which is good.

I called the vet and she told me to do the above.

prob is diarrhea is fatal to rabbits normally when it starts they have about 24 hours to 48 to get treatment before their system shuts down and they die.

this rabbit means the world to me its the only thing I have nothing else thats this close to me and I don't want to loose him. so if any one can help me at all. please I don't want to loose my bunny.

facebook
twitter
iphone app

everything is down, or going down
its like its my birthday
or people are trying to kill the root of hipsters.

I agree with doing both.

so my dad can't stay out of my room upstairs I am trying to move sutff out of of. so there are piles on the floor of clothing being sorted and things out of my closet, and he fucked it up getting pissed at the mess looking for things, cause he though he smelt something.

so this has been going on for years, he used to rearange my room. or just do random shit.

so this is annoy as hell, and I never used to leave the house on weekends due to it till I put a lock on the door.

now I'm just so stressed I fell down and am seeing spots.

and if I put something off its the end of the world but my dad puts everything off for days, and its no biggie. get criticized for doing the same things my dad does.

as everyone mostly knows,
I'm cheap, never pay for anything
hence I make a good pirate.

and as most know American movies suck, and I like to dl tv and movies.
so I'm starting to download some British and Australian movies as of late,
since they seem to actually be making more good movies then we are.

their tv shows seem a bit better too.
and one that wants to watch some of these movies, I'm more then willing
to share my plunder.

well fur suit status, is the head and tail are done, feet are next I like gluing better.

also dad is mad with me, due to being sick, and him destroying something to try to find a cable leading to the router, which was actually a cable box.

so what he came back with from vacation I got from him. a sinus infection. and I live in a basement with concert floors so that doesn't help.

so beh for the next like three days, I guess I'll be sick.

so I gotta get two mri's, and do physical therapy for a few months. . . .again

got some new clothing, being a hipster fagot is neat. (love clearance sales 50$ jeans 10$)

also got the head completely foamed and semi follow me eyes. either way they look good. should get new fur Friday. also got the feet foamed and the tail and arm patterns made.
hoping to be done by the start of October. or at least my friends wedding.

also mite get to become a land lord soon. found a house that is 3 apartments. and its foreclosed and is cheap as fuck.

okay so I am selling an unused ipod to get money to get fur for a new fur suit. that I am getting help to make. which is lovely. this one will be made using the good fur not the shitty stuff, I managed to find at jo ann. hopefully 3 yards will be enough for a head, hands feet and a new small tale. gonna try to make follow me eyes, and hope to have everything done by mff. so I got two months.

also need to get into doing the plasma thing. so scared but hey I gotta do it. if I wanna go I don't think I will be finding a job so this is my only other option. which I know my dad will give me about 100$ to go there. so here's hoping to have about 400 when I go. also need to get a used suit jacket and some shutter shades to make my self look even more retarded.

tomorrow is the big day to get my two mri scrips or if not find out what kinda surgery if I do need any, and get a new hopefully new pain med script. also after all this is over, I won't be going to rehab insurance won't cover it so basically loose the prescription and go nuts in a room in the basement till its all over. or have a kidney stone again.

also since its been a few months taking a jab at getting the hack-en-mac working again, almost got the wireless working now. its finding routers and signals, but its having an ip address problem, with and with out a pass word. any one that has any skill with hack mac's please contact me about help. also gotta work on the sound problem with it. but thats the last thing on my list since the wireless is kinda working.

and now its fall my fave time of year. and I hate spending it alone, doing a lot better now, really think I am finally over my ex. I am just kinda a dick and cold hearted by nature, but I have a set up date this Friday, so hopefully that will go well. here's hoping. think I am ready to love again.

and last but not least thanks to vebo we were able to clean out a room in the basement that my dad and I have been meaning to do for a few months/ almost a year, now for me to move my things into since my speakers are loud, now I can be kinda noisy and not bother them/ have a bit more privacy. its just a bare room with my shit in it an my couch. but its looking good. we just need to move all the stuff that was taken out of the room around to make the rest of the basement look better.

tootles

okay so I need a new hard drive for my computer
its failing badly. and I need a new one.

so I am making scarfs 10 each, 5 each in shipping.
custom or ones that I have made.

also making cute badges.
http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/65.....aschebadge.png
that look like that
which are 5 with 1.50 in shipping.

so please please please
buy something
so I can keep being lazy.

so I am gonna be getting a dealers table at the con year of 11
I will be working with my fellow serval  vebo
we will be selling some cool things. and I mite sell some of my hand made things. most likely poke'mon badges and all the scarfs I am making this winter.
I hope to hit, fcn, ac, fau, ifc, fe, mff, condition(maybe), and for fun feral.

hoping to get a job soon to support my stupidity.
also I'm gonna stock the fuck up on beads, so any kandi kids that
would like bracelets and such, I will be making those for really cheap.
I know its in bad taste to charge people but I will make and trade you.
or make some for people for just enough to cover the cost of the plastic.
trying to keep in the spirit of things.
if you wanted a cuff that mite cost more for the fact of time and design..
I will also after dealer den try to go to mingle lounges and zoo's
and let people make things for the price of plastic or a trade.

I will be getting a full table but using half, and if this person
wants the other half,  PurraParru to do art out of,
if not I got full table.

hope everything goes good.

please
please for the love of fucking god,
who ever keeps trying to get into my gmail and hotmail
stop I'm annoyed with having to type in my security code
almost every damn time to get into it.

just to try to show to you that you won't get in there,
its not actually a word its a code, that I made
you won't get it.

so please just save your self some time and stop.
its just annoying.
grow some balls and knock it off.
I'm sick of resetting my password every day.

so ran around with vebo today collecting things for my psp.
the internet lied about half the stocked items I was looking for.
which was only two.

which had ended me up at great lakes crossing, and having out with itg players means well you gotta let them get at least one round in if the machine radar in their mind goes off. ran into an old friend J which thank god he's not mad.

mite go up there this weekend with vebo take him to play. I would like to but its a bit in my best interest to wait. which I mite do, so I can play on my home machine which is kinda not any where near me, but I was given a key when asked if I would like to try to mod the machine they told me to tell them I am when I am there and I can go at it. which is a lot different then the last machine old friends tried to do the same thing to. got cops called was a small mess.

which means I mite be going back to the same old grind of sitting around on my laptop playing games, (the laptop part mite be easier now that a shop near by has wireless) while a friend plays, and I squeeze in a few games with him.

will be just like old times. was a life I kinda got away from and am a little happy to go back... and yet again not at the same time. not that its booing, its just reminds me of a childish time in my life. that I have moved away from, as I am going to school for greater and better things, which will hopefully give me a better life.

starting to get used to the leg pain which makes needing my cane and walking with it a lot easier, also the extra pills kinda help as well.

get ma lawyer and place a restraining order on your ass son,
and my lawyer passed the bar exam with 6 pull ups too.