okay I found a tablet pen
yes actually found one at occ on the side walk so fucking yes

any way I suck at coloring and well was wondering if I start using my tablet if
just maybe some one can colour for me.
or teach me
most likely for me cause I'm lazy.

just saw scott pilgram and michel cera, still can't act.

I did think some how because he is the typical shy nice guy. that a lot of guys into that movie or comic manga thing are like. he worked well for it, and despite the wtf of the entire movie, having people explode into coins and have magically cool fighting abilities. it was an okay movie.

and I do think its like twilight for boys since bella is your typical shy not popular girl that gets the hot cool guy she wants and gets to live with him for ever (every chicks dream) and scott gets the chick he wants in the end, thats this cool bold w/e a shy guys dream girl is.

and got so see purra before she left and wander around a mall, got some cool pins to add to my collection, even if they were just some hot topic pins. and in 2 weeks I get to see her again for the ren fair meet on sat. wonder how many people are going to go. and hope a few certain furs don't go that I don't exactly get along with, but every fur basically has a random group of haters hate'n

and despite the fight not to see a councilor a talk with a few people, who I am glad they actually told me what they though I respect them for that, made me willingly decide to. and see that I still do have problems. some major trust ones, a control issue of liking to have control over situations, disconnecting, child abuse, and just all over getting over things. and some more private ones I am a bit eh embarrassed about.


also in-case some one reads these, cause I get a weird vibe some one dose, could just be the paranoia which I still kinda do have, since I willing don't make anything private since I have nothing to hide. even to current friends I've gotten short with.

I've done and do stupid shit under stress, do any say things I normally wouldn't. and get out of line some times, just blind with anger or depression or mad cow (joking with this one) and I'm sorry to people that I have tried to get even with, when some one dose something to me, some times I just get so pissed I'll do something back bigger and worse. I'm sorry to those I have done this too, and any of those people I would like a fresh start with. I've pissed a few off.

also changing what people say is funny, and a cool thing to do bro.

short hail storm then a 5 min thing of heavy rain just scared me the hell awake.

and it was from a really weird dream I was glad it awoken me from.
I'm getting sick of these dreams where my ex pops up and movie magic happems.
this time it involved a weird guy I saw at the mall after I was done with playing itg.
a hotel at a fur con with an ex. and magically I had a van.

long story short we started talking said we missed each other, and hugged
crying, and blah blah blah. wish my mind would stop messing with me like this.
it is quite depressing getting to ask my dream questions I want to ask, and get the answer I want to hear. pissing me right off. and these only happen when I get remotely close to a human being, or start to love some one again, or at least try to.

need to keep the ones that happen recorded, so I can share them with the councilor I have to see,
cause of my mom's reasons and doctors think I have a pain killer addiction.

okay besides weird dream.

got to see a friend I rarely see. my friends gf lives down in Indianan some place. bout a three hour drive. and she is up to visit till monday. since her bf who is my friend, will be moving soon idk when the next time I will see her is so I was glad to get to spend the day with them.

went to the county owned waterpark, which I haven't been there in a while, was a lot of fun, wish my leg didn't hurt so I could have kicked water and not have to sit in a tube in the wave pool when there were no waves. rode this one slide and got a nose full of water both times sucked a bit. and rode the slide ride where they use white water rafting tubes for it.

went to the mall out by there and played some itg before wandering around. till it closed found a cute till mini back pack that had the original fat sonic on it. wanted to get it but knew I couldn't cause I need funds to travel to see some one.

wandered around a walmart for a few hours found some cheap flasks which I now keep my pill water in cause I find it kinda funny, and so do a few others.

so other then that a pretty eventual day.

and I still miss you.
why,
I want to hate, and get out of my mind.
but when it comes down to it I can't
there are too many good times to out weigh the bad.

so my dad is having me go so I will see family, so I get to go to a con, gonna grab some light drinks with potato, well light for me don't know about him, and get me some fries with vinegar on em, cause those are the best damn things ever.

made some rainbows mite crochet in the lobby and try to sell things with out getting in trouble, mite make a few more almost out of blue.

still need to work on lasin doll been putting that off for 4/5 months now, not sure what to do about that, feels more like a punishment, then anything.

also need to return some books to get some better fur to redo my fur head. and need to find a way to get a small amount of black fur for cheap. and some white.... now making things a bit of a problem. lucky for me I got new shoes so making new foot paws isn't too much of a prob.

and going to canada made me a little sad for a min, remembering my fave place the krystal, old place before the boarder, got good chicken, one place I wanted to take an ex loved one. hopefully I can take some one else there, as much as I don't want things that way.

legs doing okay trying to ignore it. simple words gave me a little confidence. hurts every step and hopefully tuesday I have an appointment something can be done. most likely a vicodin prescription.

other then that things are decent. getting things back on track, mom said in order for me to go to school this semester I have to see a psychologist. so hopefully she doesn't get too mad at the sarcastic ass hole I've become and can help me open up again, I;m only doing it so I can go to school last year it was take add meds, which I just throw in the trash and some how she saw improvement when I didn't do anything differently. women.

and seems I have a new nick name, the one who stole everything, now if only I could steal a few hearts the world would be a better place.

so I realize no one really cares, not trying to be emo but I do realize all I do is bitch about my arm.

most people know because I have quite a bit of weird medical things, I tend to ignore them, due to the fact I don't like being sick, or have problems, or anything like that I try to ignore to the best of my ability.

now the problem with my arm is getting worse, and I'm bothered and scared, I'm very motivated due to the fact idk what the hell could be going on 6 months to a year till now.

used to be I was dating some one that was also messed up and reassuring one another and helping each other. now I'm alone and this is affecting me mentally.

I want to be fine and normal. I wish doctors could give me a better answer then idk, go see this person.

eh well this is just a rant due to being scared, and lonely.

due to now thinking no one really cares cause its not their problem,
scared being alone.

so I realize no one really cares, not trying to be emo but I do realize all I do is bitch about my arm.

most people know because I have quite a bit of weird medical things, I tend to ignore them, due to the fact I don't like being sick, or have problems, or anything like that I try to ignore to the best of my ability.

now the problem with my arm is getting worse, and I'm bothered and scared, I'm very motivated due to the fact idk what the hell could be going on 6 months to a year till now.

used to be I was dating some one that was also messed up and reassuring one another and helping each other. now I'm alone and this is affecting me mentally.

I want to be fine and normal. I wish doctors could give me a better answer then idk, go see this person.

eh well this is just a rant due to being scared, and lonely.

due to now thinking no one really cares cause its not their problem,
scared being alone.

so I found games for the gameboy, they are all pokemon, so I am looking for those old games for the brick, if any one has any they will give away or sell for cheap I would love love love to get them. I will also do art for them or make scarfs for collections of them. they need to work tho, or if the battery needs to be changed in them let me know so I can get enough batteries for them.

also my back has been killing me a lot and giving tremors into my left leg, bothers me a bit cause my left arm hurts and it made it into my spine and now its in my leg. my back is almost always hurting and I am relying highly on vicodin as of late. and kinda started smoking from some stress. and also the nicotine in small doses helps off set the pain in a weird way, I don't like taking vicodin, basically the small high smokes gives has been off setting the pain. bad choice not one I am proud of, but ya scared now. its the upper muscle but I don't want my left hurting like my arm. I can't lift more then 10 pounds with my arm with out a lot of discomfort, so worried how bad my leg will hurt if it gets like my arm. glad its staying on one side of my body.

but other then that I really really really want games for this old game boy. I can't see the screen well but I can see it enough to play games. I want some for the car ride to condition. I have my ds but I like this brick more, retro things fascinate me.

also game boy makes me sad, the day it was released was 4/21/89 and well that date means a lot to me. baw game boy. there for its name is gonna be something weird.

other things I am looking for are a gamegear need games for that, and a dream cast, also games.

so a scammer I was entertaining my self with, apparently got pissed. after sending me fake email upon fake email, of pay pal, which was sent as paypal_service@mail2pal.com. this is a scam site and well a hobby of mine is messing with scammers to no end. well now I'm having a little trouble due to a scammer, so this is fine start to my week. hopefully I can get my self out of this mess, and find my self a new hobby. been meaning to any way. think it mite be smokeing, the stress of my family is leading me into that.

which they are even more pissed about the thing from three months ago, which is stressing me out, I started smoking again to deal with it. the name calling, and harassment to my self esteem are starting to hurt a little. my mom is trying to tell me how to kill my self over the phone in which I agree with her, hang up and promptly shut off my phone so she can't call or track me and wait to see if I come back. and when I do she gets mad that I didn't do it. lovely parenting.

and well the good news is I got a original game boy, it makes me happy, and I have managed over the last few weeks I think I have strengthened my ankles because jumping and moving them isn't hurting, any more and is becoming easier to move and bend. which is making me happy cause I hate my brases, or ending up looking like a cripple, go to the doctor in a few weeks show improvement and hopefully they will give me a high five and I won't have to wear the braces any more. the next thing is getting my back better hopefully, and I will be all set.

trying to get my life back on track and put a smile on things and, be less of a jerk, and try to play nice, and make my self sound and act less of a slut.

gets more attention then me.
8 faves
and 18 comments.
thats more then most of my art.
damn.

any way after about 5 months now
holy shit really its been 5 months thats just out right crazy.
I remember when if we had to spend more then 2 or 3 days apart I got upset.
well any way my add talking. but still just wow.

any way (again) after 5 ish months now I've been doing fine.
till recent events made me question things and most likely look too far into things,
gonna be depressed for two weeks trying to figure things out.
and then will be fine again, and lonely again.
as I normally am.
but hey thats what friends are for,
even if everyone is not getting along and all the small drama stuff.
but hey furrys its drama.

found a new phone I want to get.
so I am selling a few things.
ex:
ipod video classic 80bg
kenmore sewing machine.
scarfs,
dolls,
badges in the cartoon style.

okay so I am working on a top hat for my friend potato. started it today. got the paper/ card board part done. learned a few things watching some video's online that are making my change my method and have a larger top them a smaller top. think it would fit better, then a smaller top like traditional hats have. the brim, is proving to be a bit of a mental complication.

but that just mite be, because due to a few arguments with a friend about my 'life style choices' while I've been kinda lost doesn't think my special cigs, are safe for me at all, and that they are highly addictive and life ruining, so I decided to start taking my vicodin again and I feel like I have the flu. been vomiting for the last 3 days, had to take a shower each day, and can't eat anything. which I guess is better then the other which was killing my pain and making me want to eat. but eh w/e, its 'better' apparently and my friend thinks in non addictive (yes I want to smack some one).

also I want to start making and selling scarfs again. I mite make some rainbow ones and sell them on etsy, or for friends. also want to make some badges in the style that are my two newest submissions.

also glad the drama thing I have been having to listen to, glad its over for the most part, just hope one party the minor party doesn't start things up again. and now I relize why no one got involved in helping me a while back, its a sticky situation and unless something deals with you, getting involved is a bad idea. now reading and laughing is another story, just wish I could have added to the humor, but then I would be picking sides, which is why no one ever gets involved. sad I am still learning things like this. also a few comments I read, made me confused emotionally again. its most likely the vicodin and me over reacting, you never forget the first. its creepy.

also took apart my external hd and thing I got it working right again, internal one not to sure.

also I am selling my 80gb classic video ipod for 180 to any one interested at all,.

lol all this stupid drama
with cm, and vgc
it makes me all laugh.
I wanna comment, at it cause its so damn funny.
but I don't have an extra 100$
to pay of the spam phone bill it mite cause.

oh furrys you make me laugh.
just like twilight dose.
he's so dreammmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy

fucking vicodin, and your nauseous effects.

so now my 500 gb external is dieing, the internal in my computer is 150gb
and is also kinda dead....
kinda getting sick of everything breaking constantly for me.

stresssssssss
from furssssssssss
being fursssssssss
gonna shave you all

make a lj
asche_arschi
now I can go be emo over there.
any one that wants to add me go for it.

well my mom is finally pissed about the past semester after the break up and me failing a few classes has finally clicked to her and she is mad and has a right to be, but is getting a little annoying with it, and so is my dad, also the fact it took three months to realize this is funny when they ask me 'did you pass these classes' and I openly say no I didn't I don't think they heard.

but either way they are pissed have the right to be pissed, and despite saying they have a right to be pissed they are mad I agree with it.

so I most likely won't be going to either up coming con.

and my dad wants me to stay around home despite if I have to do anything for school he just wants me there, and wants my car there, even tho it is mine and in my name, he wants it there, for idk what reason.

so most likely I won't be around as much, as fall semester starts up. due to my dad wanting me to stay at home every moment of my life as much as I can as he has told me.

and most likely I will get put into counseling again, by either occ thinking something is wrong with me or my mother thinking something is wrong me with because i am not like her.

so ya I am being forced into being that lame person that sits around all day at home on the computer with out a job (can't have a job or my parents will make everything hard for me, very hard, like putting my classes during my work schedule, and a few other things) making me into the scumb of the earth I hate. but the fact and though of having a college education, and nice life to look forward to in like 4 years, should make me happy and not care about these things.

ITS BILLY MAYS DAY, WHICH MEANS KEEP THAT CAPS LOCK ON AND DON'T TURN IT OFF BITCHES.

HAPPY IT BILLY MAYS DAY SAD HE'S DEAD.

MITE DO A PHOTOSHOOT WITH THE LITTLE BILLY DOLL I MADE GRANTED I FIND HIM.

KEEPING CAPS ON IT KINDA HARD.

HAPPY MAYS DAY!!!!!!!!!1

ITS BILLY MAYS DAY, WHICH MEANS KEEP THAT CAPS LOCK ON AND DON'T TURN IT OFF BITCHES.

HAPPY IT BILLY MAYS DAY SAD HE'S DEAD.

MITE DO A PHOTOSHOOT WITH THE LITTLE BILLY DOLL I MADE GRANTED I FIND HIM.

KEEPING CAPS ON IT KINDA HARD.

HAPPY MAYS DAY!!!!!!!!!1

fall in love with some one new,
get over everything finally move on,
for the most part, slowly get back into play itg and some online games.

and what happens

my subconsciousness decides to give me some real life scenario dreams of me back at jeepers or running into my ex.

love my brain, I really fucking do.

 shadowsani and  blue-fox-fursuits
are doing a free fur head/ suit contest
the link to it is here

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1558271/

I has the messanger
aschearsche[at]ymail.com
come harass me

don't need a baby sitter for Cecil any more.
basically in a nut shell what happens was.
I was told by my guy friend B that he still had feelings for another girl he hasn't talked to in 6 months and was only nice when he needed something and he would give it to her. she lived in Finland him pa. tells me he can't feel love for any one really cept her and its gonna take a lot of time to try to get him self over it. and he can't do long distance relationships any more they hurt too much. I say okay, and he says maybe meeting him will help and do me some good mentally, since I'm still blah. I'm about 6 hours from him. two weeks later tells me he has a gf in Kansas city which is about twice as far away as I am. and couldn't he happier....
pissed me right the fuck off.
any way so I told him nm about the little trip its off I can't stand people that lie like that and can't even keep the storying going very well.

and also my master kinda left on me so I'm alone again.

pissed off at a good amount of the male population due to some other encounters.

small amount of hope left for a few individuals.

also my monitor is still broke and to all those I have given money to help you over the years, with bills and shit cause you couldn't manage your self. telling me oh good luck have fun with that. thanks you proved that I couldn't count on you to return the help.

also my head set broke for god knows what reason.

and I got jipped by an artiest at ac.

just wanna relax and have vacation time now. but with all the stuff I gotta try to fix or find a way to get money for it. idk what to do.

also I mite make a fur suit of lasin I can't get into being asche I am too worried about ruining the image and making her a typical sex loving fur. lasin I can get into a lot better then her cause he's a little destructive cross dressing idiot. much like my self. I'd be more willing to act with him.

mite got back to going to the book store once a week to read free books and manga and things.
while sitting in the kids section.
you meet some of the most interesting people that way.
and I really need to meet some one again.

its also a good way for poor people to read books with out being in the
shuuuush place

also realized some more interesting things that I wish I was a little older then to see now so I could have prevented being played.

the other thing I realized is you can move on.
but even if you do, and try to replace them.
but if you truly truly love some one, you can never completely move on, you will always have that nagging feeling. but instead of tears
it gives you smiles and a warm feeling,
and I think thats when you know you truly actually did love something.

also apparently if a tear comes out of your left eye it means pain and right is happiness. yay for psychologists and their silly shit.

I have 7 of them that I got from the double tree for being up at like 5 am unable to sleep the last night of ac and the clerk gave me some.
I have 7 and if any one is interested in them at all I am selling them, not to try to make profit but to try to get money to pay for a new monitor.
so like 10$ each includes shipping. cause they have to get special post mark for being heavy and make the envelope bigger and all that stupid stuff so that the people at the post can get more money.