Well I'm finally back home from a 3 AM start from MFF. I had a blast! Got to meet some friends I know already on here, got to meet a couple of new ones as well! Did quite a bit of stuff over the past four days now it's time to unpack, unwind and unfortunately get back to real life for a while. I'll be posting pics either later tonight or some time tomorrow. I'm definitely looking forward to going back next year!

Finally made it, been here two hours now time to eat, drink a couple of beers and relax after having to sit almost two hours in gridlock due to road construction west of Aurora! So if you're driving in from the west watch out for the road construction. Anyway time to chillax and get ready for tomorrow!

And now the 2nd half of my journal, here is my newly created character.

Tico: Age- 25 Height- 6' 2" Weight- 215 lbs Sex- Male Body type- Athletic

Appearance: Tico is a grey timber wolf furry, he has an athletic chiseled body and is in great shape, he has amethyst colored eyes, he has long black hair with purple highlights on the top of his head that tends to fall over the right side of his face from time to time the rest of his hair on the sides and back are shaved off, his right ear has a silver stud in the lower lobe and up at the tip of his ear he has an industrial piercing; his left ear he has two silver hoop earrings at the lobe and he sports two more industrial piercings at the tip of his ear. On the upper part of his right arm he has a tribal band tattoo in red ink wrapped around his arm; on his left arm he has a tribal wolf's head tattoo in black ink with red outlines on his upper arm closest to his shoulder. His wolf tail has a black streak that starts on the underside of his tail at the base that runs all the way up to the bottom half of the tip of his tail before the streak forks out in two. Opposed to normal grey timber wolves that have dark grey or black paw pads Tico's paw pads are an amethyst color just like his eyes.

Demeanor: badass, playboyish, loyal, protective.

Likes: muscle cars, motorcycles, Techno/electronica music, tattoos, piercings, inflatables, any type of inflation, and showing off.

Dislikes: anyone who picks on his friends for any such reason in an manner.

Tico's sexual orientation is strictly gay.

Tico is a fun loving grey timber wolf who loves to show off for the guys (sorry ladies you can't get a piece of him; he's gay). Tico is a physically fit playboy wolf who loves to work out and flaunt his body off to other furries, he is a bit of a badass sporting piercings and tattoos but when it comes to his friends he's got a heart of gold. Tico is fiercely loyal and protective of his friends and always makes sure they are safe. Tico really loves classic muscle cars and he likes motorcycles as well even though he can't ride one. Tico dresses stylish and sometimes casual as well, but he always loves to show off his rock hard six pack abs and his pecs when he can so at times if he's wearing a button up shirt the buttons will always be undone. Tico is also an inflatophile not only does he like inflatable pool toys but he really likes to see body inflations as well, the bigger one can be inflated the harder and more turned on he becomes.

Well there you have it the back story to my fursona Thanatos and the bit of information on my new character Tico.

Looking forward to MFF this weekend, I plan to leave early tomorrow morning and be at the hotel in the afternoon hours. Excited for my first con and looking forward to seeing my friends and the possibility of meeting new friends there as well!

This journal has pretty much influenced me by  DeeMann88 for his journal based on his characters he's created for his fictional world. Thanks Dustin!

Anyway I have updated my fursona Thanatos' stats which you will notice on my page, I also wrote up his back story which I would like to share in this journal.

Back story: Thanatos bares his name from the Greek God of Death. Thanatos is actually a professional assassin trained in both paw to paw combat and the use of various weapons. Thanatos only takes out targets in which he is paid for and does not risk the lives of the innocent. Thanatos is very loyal to those who are close to him and always makes sure they are well taken care of.

Thanatos is also an inflatophile, which means he is sexually aroused by anything inflatable from balloons to inflatable pool toys and towards other inflatable furs.

Thanatos does dress in a masculine style but from time to time and especially when he is playing with his inflatable toys he likes to wear girly underwear while he rides. Heaven forbid his assassin brethren should ever find out!

Thanatos is able to transform his normal body into an inflatable version of itself. This was caused by a spell that was cast upon him by his Wiccan friend Brandi Jean who after Thanatos mocked her abilities as a witch. Now he is able to transform into a living pool toy at will. When he changes into his inflatable form his heterochromia changes leaving his eyes a stunning blue color and then change back to their original colors when he turns back to his normal form.

While in his inflatable form Thanatos has an inflation valve where his belly button would be in his normal form and he is able to inflate himself on his own automatically or he can have someone inflate him manually through his valve (the latter way Thanatos prefers much more as he loves the feeling of somebody else inflating him) to him this is actually sexually arousing for him, increasing his horniness fivefold and the bigger they inflate him the hornier he becomes.

This is Thanatos' signature theme song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EB2-.....e_gdata_player

Where are you staying? Hyatt Regency yo!

What day are you getting there? Hoping to get there early Thursday evening.

Who are you rooming with?  rikku_lion  expandranon  demuto

Who will you hang out with during the convention? This being my first con eva I'm probably gonna be with Rikku at times and possibly Inola so I can get a feel for the con.

Are there any panels you might be attending? I hear there's supposed to be an inflatable suits panel. Try and hit that one up, if there's any others I might try and go to 'em.

Are you attending any stage or public performance? Eh who knows.

Will you be suiting? Nope. I don't have a suit (yet).

Which suit(s) will you bring? *see above.

Do you do free art? Although I've just recently got back into drawing again after a lengthy hiatus I don't think you'd want any arts from me. Even if I gave it away free. LOL

Do you do trades? Nope

Do you do badges? Sorry

Do you do commissions? Nein

What is your gender? Male

How old are you? 36. Yeah, I be a greymuzzle. =p

How tall are you? 6'2"

Can I talk to you? Yeah! I love to talk.

Can I touch you? Hrrmm. If I knows you I will. But ask first if I don't know you.

How can I find you? If you know any of my roomies or Inola aka foxlover_h I'll most likely be tagging along with them. ;)

Can I visit your room? If it's okay with my roomies you sure can. FYI it's going to be an inflatable friendly room so toys will be out and about and letting you know to respect others property in the room. ;)

Can I buy you drinks? If you want to. I won't say no.

Can I give you stuff? I suppose you can, just as long as it's not a cold, any incurable diseases or dead bodies. I kid honestly! XD

Can I hug or snuggle with you? Yeah. I love hugs and I won't say no to a snuggle either.

Are you nice? I am, so I've been told. Lol

How long are you going? Most likely I'll be heading back on Sunday the 18th.

Do you have an artist table? Nope

Will you have art in the Art Show? General or Adult section? Nope

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s? Wherever I follow my friends and what they might be doing.

What/where will you be eating? Hmm anywhere and everywhere I guess.

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc? The more the merrier.

Do you attend parties? We shall see. ;)

Can I look ay your sketchbook? If I decide to bring it along. But there may not be any art in it?

Can I draw in your sketchbook? Er... eh... maybe. Again that is if I decide to bring it with me.

Can I take your picture? If you want to. Just make sure it won't be used later for blackmailing purposes. LOL!

What's your goal(s) for the con this year? Well again being my first con ever I hope to take in a lot of experiences, hopefully get some arts, get to meet some of my friends on here and meet new ones in the process and have fun!

Stolen from everybody

Me

Role: submissive
Species: fox
Age: 36
Sign: Aquarius
Build: Average
Size: 6'2"

Answer these:
1. Would You have sex with me?
2. Where?
3. Would you stay for snuggles?
4. Make me a sandwich?
5. Rough or Gentle?
6: Fetish or Normal?
7: Foreplay or Straight to it?
8: Kissing or No?
9: Looking at or Looking away?

I think for shits and giggles I'm gonna post a TMI Tuesday journal, seems like everyone I watch puts one up every Tues so I'm doin' one now. That, and I felt the need of conformity calling to me. So go ahead and ask as many questions as you wish and I'll give you an honest straightforward answer. ^^

Well I got to talk to my friend yesterday and I apologized to him, telling him that I was sorry and that I felt bad for hurting him. He accepted my apology but told me not to beat myself up over it since it was something so trivial.

So I am happy to report we are still friends and still on speaking terms. I told him that I would hate to throw away our friendship on petty things and he told me to not worry about it.

Though I still feel bad and I can still tell he's still a little upset we have made amends and we have both moved along in our friendship. I really love my friend a lot and I do not want to disappoint him or let him down ever again.

Anyway there's the little update. I still has muh friend! Yay! :)

Don't know why I'm posting this. My journals never get read half the time anyways

I'm depressed and I feel miserable. Last night I felt that I had severely let down a friend of mine whom I care for very deeply, I feel bad for anything I ever did to make them feel like I had let them down and crush their spirits.
I am never like that I care for and love my friends too much to be an asshole to them, I'm usually the type of friend who is there with a hug, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to and I always try to give kind words of advice and support to help them out.

If my friend does see this I want him to know that I am truly sorry if I had done or said something wrong to upset him and I want him to know how much he means to me as a good close friend and how much I care about him because I love him a lot and I don't want to jeopardize our friendship because of my mistakes.

Check out rikku_lion's journal if you're interested.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3943214/

If anyone who reads my journals and is going to MFF this year  iKerochu is looking for a couple extra peeps as roomies. Here's her journal, let her know if you're interested. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:29314641

Stolen from Robyn_Paperdoll

10 things about yourself, most people don't know

1. I really hate winter. I never much cared for the snow and ice as a kid and I still don't like it today as an adult. Yet I'm still living in the Midwest, Land of Unpredictable Weather.

2. I am terrified of spiders ever since I was young. Hate them even more now after being bit by a brown recluse several years ago.

3. I have a learning disability.

4. I have developed a strong bisexual side (becoming more attracted towards guys).

5. I can do a lot of voice impersonations and use a few accents. My most notable accent that seems to get people going is my Russian accent.

6. I sound sexier when I have a cold and I'm congested. Gross I know.

7. I nearly drank myself to death on a bottle of rum one night over a friend of mine on here that I am in love with.

8. I love writing stories. I'm working on a fantasy based story line that has actually evolved into an entire world with multiple realms.

9. I used to play bass guitar in a couple of bands I was in with some friends. At present I am working on doing solo work and starting my own dark ambient project called Diesel Carcass.

10. Back in my early 20s I started to study and practice Wicca. Haven't done much afterwards in practicing but I've still held on to all of my old books.

What are your 10?

Going to try this meme out since my last one was a bust.

Comment on this journal and I'll...

1. Tell you something I learned about by looking at your Fa page

2. Tell you a colour you remind me of

3. Tell you my first memory of you

4. Ask you a question

5. Tell you something I like about you

6. Give you a nickname

7. Tell you the object that is to the left of me

8. Dare you to do this yourself in your journal

Well officially as of yesterday on my day off I decided to sit down for a little while and brush up on my art skills. I haven't done any serious artwork in over 18 years since I graduated high school (Christ I feel old think about that) Haha! Anyway, several years back I had bought an artists kit at a comic book shop I used to go to back in my old hometown, so I cracked it out along with the small box set of colored pencils and color sticks that I recently bought and set to work on drawing up my fursona Thanatos.

I got through the initial pencil work and was pleased with it even though Than is a fox he looks more like a wolf (facial/muzzle and ear wise) than actually a fox. But I must say even though I haven't seriously drawn in many years I was happy the way he turned out.

I added the inking later and with that done he really looked wonderful, I was so thrilled I had to take a picture of him on my phone and sent it to my friend so I could gauge his reaction, he seemed to like it alot which made me feel good. So later today I'm going to go back and start on coloring him in, then hopefully post him on here as my first piece of art in a long time.

I never had the chance to meet Panda, but from a lot of the posts that I have read so far about him and all of the kind words others have left about him he seemed like a genuinely good person to have met, became friends with and shared time with in his short life.

I know when we lose somebody in a wonderful community such as this or any community for that matter the lose of that person is felt throughout as a whole regardless if you had the chance to met that person or did not get the pleasure to know them while they were still here.

I'm actually tearing up just writing this because I know some of you out there had the chance to get to talk with Panda and form a friendship with him and what you all must be feeling inside.

I just want to wish him Godspeed and hope that he rests well now. Rest in peace Panda, you will be deeply missed by all but never forgotten!

Swiped from  stunter101

Arrival and Departure:
I'll arrive either the 15th the night before or the 16th the day of. Leaving the evening of the 18th unless I decide to stay an extra night and leave the next morning.

Staying at: the Hyatt Regency

How are you traveling? Driving from Nebraska, across Iowa to Rosemont, Illinois

Who are you rooming with? I'll be roomin' with  rikku_lion and  expandranon

Where will you be? How best to find me? I'll be all over most likely as this will be my first fur con. See below who I will be with, if you know em I'll definitely be with them.

Who will you be with? A mix between  rikku_lion  expandranon or  foxlover_h

Which suit(s) will you be bringing? Unfortunately I don't own a suit yet, so I will be going as a hooman. Lol

Do you do free art? No. My artwork sucks, seriously. But I'm going to practice to perfect it eventually.

What is your gender? Male

How old are you? 36

How tall are you? 6' 2"

Can I talk to you? Absolutely!

Can I hug and/or snuggle you? Sure! I loves hugs! :)

Are you nice? I'm a very friendly foxy.

Are you cliquey? At first I might be with the people I am with.

If I see you, how should I get your attention? If you see me with anyone one of the three peeps I mentioned above just shout out "Hey Than!" Or "Hey Thanatos!" I should respond. Or toss a nice inflatable my way. Hehe

Are you fursuiting? No. :c

Can I ask ya to dance with me during the dances? Not much of a dancer, sorry. Unless it's a slow song. Haha (not likely)

Can I buy you drinks? Sure. Just don't slip me a roofie. XD

Do you attend parties? I'm gonna try and attend some, most likely inflatable parties.

Can I take your picture? Sure can. Just as long as it won't be incriminating or for blackmail use. Lol

What's your goal(s) for the con this year? Well being my first con I'm going to try and take in as much as I can. Visit the dealers den, hit some parties, meet new friends and generally have a good time!

Anyone going to MFF this year in November? My friend foxlover_h is needing a lift to the con here is a link to his journal where he's got more information https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3803436/ I know he'd greatly appreciate the help if you are able to pick him up! =)

I is so excited, my Puffy Paws otter arrived this morning some time a little after nine o'clock! I didn't get to the door in time when our mail carrier was here, but I found a box left inside of my open garage and I knew instantly what it was.

I brought the package inside and set forth opening the box. I was like a kid on Christmas morning, I was filled with excitement and joy when I pulled my otter from the box.

After unpacking him and getting him out of the plastic shipping bag and unfolded I brought out my electric pump and inflated him. All I can say is what a cutie he is! I spent the next hour and a half just cuddling him, so happy that he came today and being my first PP toy that I own and hopefully not the last either.

Pictures will follow shortly today. Yay, this is one happy excited fox! Best Thursday EVER!

The past week and a half has been looking up for me, so the winds of good fortune and news have graced me with their presence! Last week I had some luck at winning some money on Keno (Nebraska's only form of gambling) so I have some of my winnings sitting back for my trip to MFF in November.

Then I had contacted Puffy Paws about buying one of the otters, I was happy to get a reply back that there were still some left, so this morning I sent my payment off to PP to get my otter.

I was thrilled when I got a call earlier from  foxlover_H and got to talk with my Inola, his call really made my day. Thank you my sweet Inola, I loves you so much! He was happy to hear that I had set up an interview to get a job!

That's the other piece of good news I wanted to share. I placed an application through a local job placement agency last week and I got a call from them today to schedule an interview on Wednesday so they can find me a job!

I've got tomorrow off and I am going to go visit my sister my niece and nephew and eventually go out to dinner and celebrate my nephew's 18th birthday early since we won't be able to on Thursday as he has to work.

So yeah there's a positive update going on in my life at the moment, so wish me luck on Wed during my interview and landing a job shortly thereafter.

Right now I'm a mixed bundle of feelings. I feel sad and hurt but I also feel happy. I found out yesterday that my friend who I fell in love with on here has found a new mate and I was crushed to find this out.

It really hurt me, I kept that feeling in throughout the day but by nighttime those feelings got the better of me and I just broke down crying. I have only felt this pain one other time in my life, it was with my friend Sarah we became very close to one another but when the time came for her to move on in her life my heart just sank like a stone to the bottom of a lake.

My heart broken into a thousand pieces, I hurt for weeks afterwards and I still sometimes get a pain now and again when I think of her. We're still good friends to this day.

And right now I'm feeling that same exact feeling for my friend now as I did Sarah years ago. I know with time the pain will slowly die but I know there will be days that I will feel that hurt again.

I am happy however that he has found a new mate and that he is happy once again because it hurt me seeing him hurt and unhappy whenever we would talk to each other.

So my heart goes out to my sweet Inola, my feelings go out to him and my blessings go out to him and his new mate.

I will always love you my sweet Inola, you have my heart forever even if we are to be friends. I will always be there for you my love you have this as my promise.

I'm writing this on my behalf to get some feedback on the situation I am going through at the moment. The name of the person involved will not be given as to protect their anonymity.

First off, I am a married fur I will have been married for 3 years this coming August, it has been a good 3 years but without its ups and downs. I love my wife and I have recently came out to her about being a fur which took her by surprise and I still think is not sitting well with her. Anyway in the past six months or so we both seem to have grown apart, not because I told her I was a fur this was about a month and half ago when I told her but one factor of our growing apart is that I have been semi unemployed for the past year.

With our growing apart I have begun to lose interest in things I once enjoyed doing, I've been depressed more often than I used to be, and I haven't been sleeping well only managing 4 or 5 hours a night to the point I'm surprised my health hasn't been affected by all this.

But with in the past year and a half or so I have had the good fortunes to begin a good friendship with someone here on FA. We first got to know each other through Yahoo, as time passed we began to text one another every other day now we text each other almost daily and we have talked over the phone a couple of times.

Recently I have started to develop stronger feelings other than just friendship with this person, (who I'll add is male by the way) I have started to have feelings of love for him. I have let him know my new found feelings for him and he understood perfectly well as he too has started to develop feelings deeper than friendship for me.

We both have acknowledged our feelings for each other and we both have started to fall in love with one another, I love my wife but I feel our relationship is stuck and is not going anywhere it has been very lackluster over the course of these past several months, but meanwhile my love for my friend is taking new turns and blossoming each passing day.

If he does read this I just want him to know how much I care for him and how much I love him and how each passing day it eats me up inside that I cannot bring myself to tell my wife and how much pain I endure being so far away from him.

I beg any of my friends on here who may read this to give me a little bit of guidance and see if I can straighten things out so that I can not be all stressed and get back to my happy old self. PLEASE HELP!

Yesterday (July 2) while visiting my parents I opened up to my mother about me being a fur and my fetish for inflatables. My mother being the open minded, caring, and best listener I know when I came out to tell her that I am a fur and inflatophile she took it all surprisingly well.

At first she didn't know what a furry was or a fursona so I filled her in on all the information I could give her, then I showed her the Wikipedia fur page so she could learn and understand more about the fandom and everything else it entails, then I showed her my FA account.

When I told her about my inflatable fetish she was very supportive of my attraction to inflatable pool toys, I had told her that it had started long ago when I was a child and told her that inflatables and furries usually go hand in hand.

I tried to answer any questions she had about either lifestyle as best as I could and tried to show her as much as I could online about both. I was pleasantly surprised on how well she received the news and even more thrilled that she said she would support me no matter what lifestyle choices I have made.

Thanks for listening mom. I love you!

If a Star Wars fan has an unhealthy obsession with Boba Fett does that mean they have a Boba Fettish?

And on a completely unrelated topic Atari turns 40 today! Time to crack out Space Invaders!

After turning in a few job apps Wednesday afternoon two of the apps I know went straight into the hands of management one of the apps was to Hobby Lobby.

The co-manager checked over everything to make sure I had everything filled out, he said everything looked in order and would give it to the store manager as soon as they got back from vacation, he told me they didn't have anything full-time at the moment but there were some part-time positions available.

I was happy to hear that and I told the co-manager that even if there was part-time hours available I would gladly take those, because at this point I am willing to take what I can get.

So here's hoping when the manager gets back and they look over my application that they call me in for an interview!

And if I have read the stores hiring poster inside the store and I am correct in what I have read, their starting pay is at $11 an hour. You bet I can live with that even if I get hired on only as part-time, plus I need me some benefits.

I seriously feel like I'm on the verge of just giving up. There are days that I feel pretty good, there are other days that are not so good and there are the days that begin good but then eventually go to crap.

The days that are not good are the days I reflect on quite a bit really. I'm struggling to keep up with bills, getting my house payment in and always worrying about the next payment and whether or not I'll have a roof over my head next month. My internet is shut off and I rely on my phone for checking a few things online, I live for the internet because I love to stay connected with people. I miss chatting on messenger with my friends whom some have my phone number to call or text me, but usually ends up costing me on my phone bill.

I'm pretty much broke 3/4 the time, I do have a temporary fix for a job at the moment but what I make usually covers some of my bills and house payment but leaves me dry for anything else spending wise on myself. I am in need of a full-time or even a part-time job that at least has benefits and insurance I can use should anything ever happen to me where I cannot pay out of pocket or not resort to having to do payments.

I've failed at trying to have people rent out a room from me so a little extra cash flow would help out in my situation but those have all failed miserably.

Days that are good for me are days when I can talk to friends on the phone or sometimes get to see my family. They help a bit in letting me forget my situation even if it's temporary until I go back and I'm faced with bills, shortage of money and being unemployed.

Today was one of those good turns to shit days, right now I'm just happy to be home, I feel like crying and I just need someone to lend a shoulder to cry on and listen to me for a little while.

Everything just piles up on me bills, no money, stress, not having a decent job. I've begun to lose interest in things I once enjoyed, I need for something to change in my life soon I don't think I can keep going on like this every day. I am sure all this stress and frustration is not helping my health or state of being by any means.

If for some reason I show up less and less on here please do not worry, I might be taking some time off to clear my head, prioritize my life and square things away.