I'm in this... Really weird mood. I get this way, sometimes, and I don't know how to describe it. I'm... Ugh, it's such an odd mood. I'm not /sad/, per se... But... I guess the best word for it is 'nostalgic'. And the weird thing? I get this way over furries! Bear with me, here comes some crazy talk, but maybe I'm not the only one who gets like this - at least in general, not about furries or anything.

Y'see... Every now and again, I get hit by this mood that makes me extremely wistful. I start thinking back on the past, and wishing it could be like it used to be. Yeah, I know, everyone feels that way, but at the same time, I can't really put these feelings into words properly. I think back to stuff like when i first really figured out I was a furry, learning about the fandom, and such... I remember meeting  sparkle who was, and still is extremely awesome, and this time, in particular... I keep thinking of when I bought Kingdom Hearts II and she was like "I haven't beaten it yet, don't you dare tell me anything!" I think back to the local Furrs that I met, though I only went to the meetings about three times. Not driving makes it very hard to meet up with people once a week, and I always felt so out of place. I only really knew one of them, because we went to the same college, and he transferred, and the others... While nice guys, were considerably older than me. I remember finding SkunkworksAMA, and when VCL was all there was, in terms of massive Furry art pages. I remember finding Bondofox and feeling like I hit the jackpot. I remember idolizing artists like Iron Badger, Max Blackrabbit and Kacey Maltzman (Now Miyagami). I remember reading Trouble's Tales, sending Kittiara (Not the one on FA, but another one. both are awesome) an e-mail to just say I enjoyed her story and squealing like a schoolgirl when I got a reply. And I guess in a way, even some slightly unrelated things resonate with me, in this mood. I recall playing Primal, getting stuck, and getting on my computer to read my walkthrough, and thinking "Well... I'll read one more chapter of Trouble's Tales..." It's so weird. I'm not sad, or depressed... I guess... It's just nice to sit back and savor the wind blowing off the path that lead me to where I am. it's bittersweet, because those days are behind me... There are mistakes I've made that I'd love to take back, and days I'd love to live over and over again... But all in all, it's been a fun trip, and I'm eager to see where I end up next, and who I'll meet. I thank you all for being a part of the journey, thus far.

Ashton O'Connall

I took a big step today... Well, yesterday, I guess. I've been strongly considering going back to college to finish my degree, but I had to weigh the fact that my friend makes more money as a janitor than I could with any of the jobs that my degree would have gotten me, along with the fact that my financial aid is dried up, and I've got about 8 more credit hours to complete my degree. And at 92 dollars a credit hour, that wasn't a very tempting offer, all said. But I have to face reality - being physically handicapped makes a lot of jobs difficult. I have familial spastic paraplegia, so my legs have never been all that strong, and my knees were messed up by one of the attempts to strength my legs. And now, my left shoulder is... Well, it's quite sore. I don't know if it's permanent or not, but it's been this way for a little over a week. Might just be the way I've been sleeping, or a pulled muscle, or something, but it still sucks.

But! I have always wanted to be a voice actor, and I have been told by numerous people, both in the field of broadcast, and friends/family members that I have a voice for that sort of thing. So! Today, I called up Volition Games, a local video game company, and explained that I was interested in voice-over, and was hoping for some advice on where to turn. I was directed to human resources, because, the lady said, everyone they hire goes through there... It rang... And went to voice mail T.T However, I left my name and number, and with any luck, I'll get a call in the next few days. Hopefully they can direct me to an agency, or something. If all goes according to plan, you'll soon hear me in anime, video games, etc! Yay!

Wish me luck!

Yay for me, turning the big two-four on Thursday!

Not that it's really that big of a deal, but for once, I'm actually kinda looking forward to my birthday... Typically, my birthday has been a day I've dreaded, and usually is more stressful than pleasant. But last year wasn't so bad, and really... I dunno why, but I'm feeling kinda good about it, this year.

My friend  Arcticsierra said she's gonna take me to Chinatown Buffet, which is a favorite place of mine, so I'm looking forward to that. Aside from that, I don't really have too many plans. Kinda thinkin' about going to see My Bloody Valentine in 3D. I don't recall ever going to a 3D movie before, though I'm sure I have, when I was little, so even if the movie sucks, I'll enjoy the 3D part. And also, even if the movie totally blows, I can usually enjoy it. What can I say, I have a soft spot for cheezy b-movies. The exception is the Resident Evil Trilogy that took my favorite games, and completely raped them.

So anyhoo, Just thought I'd let you guys know that I shall soon be one year shy of a quarter-century.

Stolen from  shadowedxrunes

+Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready"
+Kiss on the Forehead = "I hope we're together forever"
+Kiss on the Ear = "You're my everything"
+Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
+Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
+Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
+Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
+Kiss on the Lips = "I love you"

What the gesture means...
+Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other"
+Slap on the Butt = "That's mine"
+Holding on tight = "I don't want to let go"
+Looking into each other's Eyes = "I just plain love you"
+Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me"
+Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go"
+Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you"
+picking someone up off their feet = "that they love them fully and would do anything for them"

--Advice--
+ Don't ask for a kiss, take one
+If you were thinking about someone while reading this,
you're definitely in Love.


--Requirements--
+Post this again after reading!!
Or you will have a bad year of Relationships.


If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now
and can't get them out of your head
then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you. [heres hoping...]
Repost this as "what a kiss means"





Yeah, I bit, so sue me. :D

I've started working on my variation on The Crow, which has changed names several times, including the following

The Crow: Testament
The Crow: Dead Man's Party
And currently, The Crow: Deliverance

I'm not too concerned with the title, but I'm trying to find something simple, that really says what it needs to.

Anyway, I'm not working on the story, itself, just yet, but sort of working on a scene that will show up within the story, probably as a flashback. This scene is one of the few surviving pieces of my old story that will be inserted into the new one.

The scene has two specific importances. The first is the most complex. Y'see, for me, if you do anything involving The Crow, you've got to have the Thespian Irony make-up.

The first movie gave no reason for Eric choosing to wear the make-up, though the comics did, and worded it spectacularly "He makes his way home so he can be shapeless in the dark and paint his face in the colours of joy."

In the second movie, City Of Angels, Sarah, the little girl from the first movie, finds Ashe, and realizes he is like Eric. She uses his murdered son's paints to mimic Eric's make-up. Not a bad connection, and the paints make it a personal touch.

The third movie, Salvation was a stretch. Alex is put in the electric chair, and something goes wrong - The generator is struc by lightning, and so his face is horribly burned and disfigured. After reanimating, through the powers of the Crow, he tears the burned flesh from his face, leaving scars in a similar design. Nice effect, but a little shoddy, in terms of giving Alex the make-up.

The fourth movie... Well... I missed part of it, and could hardly stomach the part I did watch, so I don't know how/why he got his make-up, though it's the furthest from the typical design.

Well, I didn't want to do away with the make-up, but I also didn't want it to be that he just decides "Oh, well, I've gotta go murder a buncha murderers, so I'm gonna paint myself up like a demonic mime!" I wanted to give Michael's make-up to have a meaning. This is the first purpose of the scene I'm writing, which, if I keep at it, might be up for your perusal in a day or two. It depends on how much I can stand to right this. I'll explain shortly.

The second purpose of the scene is to show Michael before the tragedy. I want it to be very clear that the events that befall him completely destroyed who he once was. His existance was shattered, and he lost everything.

This is partly why I'm having such a hard time writing it... This isn't just some fan-story I'm writing because I loved the comic, and the movies. And forgive me if I sound emo in saying this but, this story was born from a lot eotional scars, durring my highschool days. To prove I'm not emo, I will freely admit - Highschool sucked for pretty much everyone. And yes, I was a Goth, and in a loose sort of way, I still am. But... I had some really rough times... In a single year, we had about six students die, The first, I didn't know, but she was just a freshman. The second was a friend of mine, who helped me through my freshman year, two years before. The third... Was one of my best friends. She died on December 6th, 2002. Her mother died as well... Her brother died in the hospital several days later. Her father was released from prison, and died not too long after. Their house caught on fire in the middle of the night... But the thing that haunts me, to this day... Is that when I saw her house... Right outside the room their bodies were found... They had thrown a radio through the window, and were almost safe... They almost got out of there... It's been six years, and I still can't forget that image. Over the years, it's gotten easier to deal with... But that pain doesn't just disappear. Michael is that pain, for me, and I hope that by finishing the story that began with that pain, I can get over it, and move on with my life. I don't focus on it or anything, but... It gets really hard when winter sets in. The scars tear themselves open, and there's nothing you can do but remember. Michael will have his vengeance. I just want my peace.

Okay, I'm better now... This story just takes me back to some very dark places. Thanks to all who listened.

Okay... I've put some of these thigns off for /far/ too long. I've had this account for such a long time, and yet never put any of my own work up. There are stories I've had planned, and put on the backburner for a long time. It's time to get to them. And so I'm putting together a to-do list.

#1. First and foremost, I need to work on a story that I started in high-school... Ye Gods, has it really been six years? Seven? Somewhere around there, I don't recall whether it was my junior or senior year that really got the story going. The story, in its current incarnation is called The Crow: Deliverence. It features a definite anti-hero by the name of Michael Corone. As with most stories involving the title "The Crow" Michael and a loved one, his lover Mariah, are brutally murdered. Michael, haunted by his inability to protect the one he loved most, crawls from his grave to see to it that her suffering is avenged. I'll be honest, at one point, in highschool, I had this story finished. Just one problem - It was too much like an anime, with the villains sporting rare, or exotic weapons, and it just felt too detached from reality. So I scrapped the villains, and coming up with new ones, more realistic ones, is the hardest part. This story will probably take top priority. Michael, the darkest part of my soul, needs to quench his thirst, and find his rest. Although only a fictional character, Michael composed of the scar-tissue my soul developed in those days. He's a part of my life I can never be rid of, but perhaps, if I get this story onto paper, I can finally put it behind me.

#2 Another story that has been in the works for a number of years is Revolution Of The Three Kingdoms. Some of you may know that I am a /big/ Three Kingdom's buff, but some of you may not know what that is. The Three Kingdoms Era was a period of time in China, around 1800 years ago. It was a time of civil war, lating around 60 years, and durring this time, some of the greatest warriors and rulers ever to grace China rose to, and fell from power. It has a video game (Dynasty warriors 1-6) and inspired an anime, called Ikki Tousen, in which the souls of those warriors are reincarnated in modern day youngsters; Normally high-school girls, with huge boobs. Not complaining, the show was entertaining, but it always intrigued me - If given a more serious touch, how awesome would it be to see these great warriors rise again, to seek glory through battle, as they did almost two millenia ago? I may actually start this one first, simply because it'll be easier to get characters started. I might just do a few rough, non-cannon chapters, to get stuff down, at first. I've yet to finish the novel that was written, based on the historical records of this time - Romance Of The Three Kingdoms. It's 120 chapters long, and several thousand pages. If you're interested, you can find a free online version of the story at threekingdoms.com Be sure to scroll down, as there is a large section pictures, discussing modern political events. The main page is below that. You'll need something to unzip the files, I believe.

Those are the big ones. I might update my list once I at least get started on one of these two bigger projects.

Sorry it took so long to get back to this. The concert completely wiped me, so I slept really, really late the next day... And could sleep that night, due to VERY high adrenalin levels after the show.

The show, may I say, was AWESOME! I bought a tee-shirt... <Blushes.> Which cost me $45. Stupid? Hell yes! But I really liked this shirt. It's got Alice's face on it, and it looks like he's on the ass-end of an ass-whuppin'. One eye's swollen shut, his lips bleeding... He's wearing his new "Spider" make-up. Written on the bottom is "Vote for Alice, A troubled man for troubled times" And on the back is "I wanna be elected"

Much to my enjoyment, the show had many of his classics, as well as one new song from his new album. Those faint of hearts, or who are offended by shocking things should stop reading, for the time being.

One thing I wanted to see was how Alice would perform the song "Dead Babies". I've only ever seen videos of his performance in 1973, and back then, he got shit-faced drunk before shows, so it wasn't that grate. Now, however, he's added a new flair to the song. A woman, ironically played by his eldest daughter Calico, is pushing a baby carriage. He sneaks up behind her and slits her throat. He pushes the carriage for a while, and then picks the baby (a doll, for the record.) up. The baby attacks him, biting his neck. He throws the baby back in the carriage and pulls out a stake, and a hammer, and proceeds to drive said stake through the baby's heart, then dangles the impaled doll over the audience. As punishment for this, a large gallows are brought out, and Alice is hanged, only to reemerge, wearing his traditional white, blood-stained top hat, to sing School's Out.

Let me put it this way. I've been to a few different concerts, and I always end up with sore hands, from clapping so hard, and so much... But I do not whoop. I'm rather shy about making too much noise, so I always chicken out of whooping and hollering. Not with Alice. when I see Alice Cooper, I'm whooping and hollering like a madman. His music rocks, and his showmanship is incredible. If you get the chance, then by all means, catch his show! He might be 60, but he has NOT lost his edge!

And he's got the family involved! His wife and daughter, who have been regulars in his shows for years, are now joined by his youngest daughter Sonora. I'm definitely gonna make a habit of catching one of his shows a year. Heaven only knows when he'll retire, and I've only seen 2 shows. I'm enjoying him while he's still around.

That's right, today's the big day! After two years, I get to see Alice Cooper in concert again! I am about to pee my pants, I'm so excited! Ever since high school, Alice has been my hero, but when you stop and realize that he turned 60 in February, you realize that there's a chance (Heaven forbid!) that he won't be doing this for much longer. People have even asked him when he plans to retire. His response - "Well, Mick Jagger is 6 years older than me, and he's still touring. I figure when he quits, I've got 6 more years." Of course, he's also said if he ever can't put on his usual rock 'n' roll horror show, he's going to quit, because he never wants to put on half a show, and his theatrics are a big part of that... Anyway, I'm babbling, but I'm just THAT excited! But I gotta go, I need to get cleaned up before the concert. For those interested in the man behind the mayhem, go to www.alicecooper.com or the website for his radio show (from 7 PM to midnight, Monday through Thursday.) go to nightswithalicecooper.com

Anyways, I'm off to enjoy some good ol' rock, guillotines, mutilated baby dolls, copious amounts of eyeliner! I shall report back, tomorrow sometime... I hope... Whenever I wake up... Cuz I think I slept 4 hours last night... Bye! ^____^

Okay, time for an update to this thing for the first time in almost a YEAR. Seriously, the last entry has sat there, gathering dust for 8 months. I keep meaning to update it, but I never know what to put. I guess I feel like since I don't draw or anything, I need to make my journal interesting for the pawful of Furrs watching me, but I'm not really an interesting person.

So I decided to take a poll... A rather small poll, since I've only got seven people watching me at the moment, but they are seven VERY awesome people, and that is all that matters, dammit!

So here's what I wanna know: When/if I ever get some extra money, I want to buy one of the following three things. Which do you think I should get?

# 1
http://www.chinesemoods.com/Chinese.....wg-p-3110.html

#2
http://www.chinesemoods.com/Chinese.....wg-p-2639.html

Or #3
http://www.chinesemoods.com/Chinese.....8gy-p-448.html

I might have enough next month to get one, but it might take a little longer. Whenever I get it, though, I'll try and get a picture put up here.

Anyhoo, this was just to get that angsty entry out of sight, so that anyone who looks me up doesn't immediately think I'm a whiny bastard... They make that judgement after they've talked to me a couple of times :P

Okay... This is really the last place I would normally bring something like this up, but I have very few other places to turn, and I'm about to have an episode if I don't get this out of me.

I live with my grandparents. My mom was 15 when I was concieved (Same night she lost her virginity - Friday the 13th. So it's kinda my lucky day... Or the star of my bad luck ^-^) Anyway, my dad was a lot older than her. I don't recall exactly how old he is at the moment, though. He disappeared shortly after I was born. About the time I turned four, he came back, for reasons I don't yet understand. Well, that didn't last long, and he was gone again. And he stayed gone a long time. In the mean time, my mother left me with her mom, because she just didn't have the means to raise a baby. She stayed in touch, and we're still very close, but she's really a lot more like my sister, than my mom. Anyway, when I was ten, my dad sent me a birthday card. I was totally floored. Now, to be clear, he was not really one of my favorite people at the time. I wasn't very old, but I've NEVER liked being jerked around. But I gave him another chance. At first things were great. I flew down with my grandmother, and he and I spent some time putting our relationship back together. I don't remember how long it lasted, exactly, but it's been around nine and a half years since he and I spoke last. That's right, the fantastic "Disappearing Dad Trick". It NEVER gets old, it seems!

After he disappeared the last time, I was no longer amused by this little trick. I was pissed. As I said, I DESPISE being jerked around. He said nothing to me, just stopped calling, stopped visiting. Poof! Gone. And over the years, I became... Very bitter towards him. It sickened me that his blood flowed in my veins. I wasn't his only kid, but the man had never been married. Now, not to say that it's bad to have kids out of wedlock, but when you have several children by several women, THEN it seems a tad excessive, don't you think?

That bitterness grew as I reached adolescence. I wanted revenge. Just five minutes alone in a room with him, and I'd make up for a lifetime of neglect. If he'd gone and STAYED gone, it would have been tollerable, but to come and stay just long enough for me to get attached, and then leave me with nothing, not even a good bye, not once, but TWICE?! I wanted vengeance. I lived for the chance to make him suffer. Three years ago, no question, if I'd seen him, I would have killed him. Most people I dislike only ever reach the level of annoyance. But I was taking this personally. Over time, I matured, but even a year ago, I would have broken his nose and knocked out at least three teeth, and made the fucker eat them. But a few months ago, I was talking to my biological mom, and she asked me if I'd still want revenge if I ever saw him again. And I couldn't answer her right away. I sat down and thought for several minutes in silence, and she patiently awaited my reply. When I'd sorted my feelings and the rest of the junk in my head out, I told her that it just wasn't worth it. He'd already taken away so much from me, why waste the rest of my life for revenge?

Well, just recently, things took a more interesting turn. As I said, he had other kids, and now one of them is about ten, and nearby... And she wants to meet her brother. And bigger shock... My father will be in the same place around the 29th. He's asked to see me, and I hear he's ready for a real chewing out. My mom told him I wanted nothing to do with him. However, when this was brought to my attention, I told her I'd actually like to see him... We talked for a long time, agreeing that my grandmother should be kept out of this. She doesn't even know that I know my sister wants to meet me. She was supposed to tell me, but never did. If she knows I plan to meet up with my father, she'd be beyond pissed. So I can't discuss any of this with her. I know I can't run from my past, or I'll never move on with my life. The way I see it, I need to see my father, confront him, tell him exactly what kind of damage he did to me, and then tell him that it's all behind us. I just need to speak my piece, and then try to forge some form of relationship with him. I know I HAVE to do this, but I'm terrified. So many years of hatred... I don't trust him to stick around, but what if we could have some minute form of friendship? Well, much like my dad, I've taken up enough of your life, but thanks for listening. Any advice or comments are welcome. Sorry for being so long winded.

Just finally finished with college for th summer, and wouldn't ya know it? I get sick. At first I thought it was that I hadn't taken my allergy meds for a while, but even after takign them, I'm sneezing, coughing, and NOW my eyes and nose are running. I hope it isn't a summer cold. PLEASE don't let it be a summer cold. I took some cold meds, just to be safe, so with any luck, I'll beat this quickly... Luckily, I just got the first three issues of Omaha The Cat Dancerm, so I can laze about and read those ^^