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General | Posted 11 months agoIt's been a few years now, it's now 2025.
I figured I'd finally try to log into this account, I forgot it had existed until I was searching for something.
I am no longer active on it, if you want to find me you can find me here
royalcorvids it's where I upload everything now, as well as post updates and such, there's been a lot of life changes.
To anyone who I have bad blood with, people change. I want to spend this year and the next coming ones building bridges and community, I am exhausted from the drama, from the pain, I emotionally cannot handle it anymore. I hold no ill will towards anyone, and to those who believe rumors... Maybe try asking me what I can recall instead of continuing to follow it.
I figured I'd finally try to log into this account, I forgot it had existed until I was searching for something.
I am no longer active on it, if you want to find me you can find me here
royalcorvids it's where I upload everything now, as well as post updates and such, there's been a lot of life changes.To anyone who I have bad blood with, people change. I want to spend this year and the next coming ones building bridges and community, I am exhausted from the drama, from the pain, I emotionally cannot handle it anymore. I hold no ill will towards anyone, and to those who believe rumors... Maybe try asking me what I can recall instead of continuing to follow it.
Scammer Warning
General | Posted 5 years agoIf you want to know who it is please PM me. Otherwise I am also looking for others who have had issues with this artist, I have asked them for a refund on various accounts on different platforms and they have blocked me on each one. Completely ignoring the situation, given I was a fool for sending it as friends and family back in Jan but I was told they would work on the stuff they owe me everytime I even thought of asking for a refund.
It's unprofessional and I am unimpressed, please understand something, I would never ask for refunds unless I actually needed to and I have been dragged around the bush enough. There's been a lot of issues since I became homeless and a lot of people thinking I am lying. I'm not.
The money I asked about to have refunded was going to go towards an apartment so that I might be able to have a roof over my head permantly. Either way I would like to warn others to tread lightly when commissioning this person as I've heard from various people that this isn't the first time they have done this.... I don't want to believe it but at this point I am.
It's unprofessional and I am unimpressed, please understand something, I would never ask for refunds unless I actually needed to and I have been dragged around the bush enough. There's been a lot of issues since I became homeless and a lot of people thinking I am lying. I'm not.
The money I asked about to have refunded was going to go towards an apartment so that I might be able to have a roof over my head permantly. Either way I would like to warn others to tread lightly when commissioning this person as I've heard from various people that this isn't the first time they have done this.... I don't want to believe it but at this point I am.
Black Lives Matter!
General | Posted 5 years agoI have been using every single platform I am on.
BlackLivesMatter, if you have an issue with it then I don't want the views, I don't care for the follows, or the watches, or the money.
If you are one of those BUT ALL LIVES MATTER, then sit down somewhere else. This isn't about ALL, this is about Black men, women, and children. Fucking speak up, do something. I have zero respect for the police, I have zero respect for the government, I have zero respect for tyrants. We will not be silenced, I will not sit here in silence as I watch my brothers and sisters of color be murdered. You can rebuild buildings, but you can not bring back a life.
Donate to bail funds, help the communities, use your damn privilege to make a fucking change. Rest in peace Mom 11/22/2019
General | Posted 6 years agoIt was just this morning that I told her goodbye and that I loved her. I got a call hours later that she had passed away.
It is with a heavy heart that I say this; I am going to be here.. sort of. I need time to mourn. I will miss her and it's not hit me yet that I have lost her.
It is with a heavy heart that I say this; I am going to be here.. sort of. I need time to mourn. I will miss her and it's not hit me yet that I have lost her.
Looking for Geniees!
General | Posted 6 years agoSo.. I'm trying to find where some of my old geniees I had went?? I cannot remember for the life of me! D: one of them was named Hoshi? I had found all of her files and I wasn't sure if I owned her anymore or not, I know in the past I was having to mass sell characters due to situations but.. Hnnn.
If anyone knows where I can find any geniees etc let me know!
If anyone knows where I can find any geniees etc let me know!
6/13/2019
General | Posted 6 years agoI am not feeling the best emotionally, I have to wait for days for my insurance to kick in then I can set up an appointment. I'm exhausted, I hurt... I'm just, idk. Physically tired and worn out because of chronic pain and my body being an asshole. I just feel a bit out of place right now, sort of drifting. I can't wait to be able to go to the doctor and therapy, goodness knows it will help me function a lot better. There are some days I wonder why I keep going and then I remember I have my mate here, and I have my bird, so that's some of the reasons. Even if I feel like crud most of the time, or just want to sleep most of the time. I feel like I'm just.. sort of existing right now.
I did get back some old characters of mine so that is a thing, I would like to get others back as well somehow but I don't know when I will be able to do it or how.
I am looking to get back into stardragons again, among other things. I feel sick tho, please end me.
I am going to be uploading more art here etc. Had to cancel a lot of trades because the people kinda... disappeared off the face of the planet so I wasn't able to finish the art. Or I cannot find the users anymore.. so.. rip.
I did get back some old characters of mine so that is a thing, I would like to get others back as well somehow but I don't know when I will be able to do it or how.
I am looking to get back into stardragons again, among other things. I feel sick tho, please end me.
I am going to be uploading more art here etc. Had to cancel a lot of trades because the people kinda... disappeared off the face of the planet so I wasn't able to finish the art. Or I cannot find the users anymore.. so.. rip.
All moved.
General | Posted 6 years agoMoved in completely with my mate. Things are alright. Im still getting used to living here but I will manage. I won't be doing as many coms as before. Right now I need to focus on myself and getting a start on my future. I lost friends for some reason but it is alright. I will miss them as I always enjoyed when we would talk ect. I'm not the person for everyone I suppose. Half the time its due to my mind not processing why.. Ect.
Missing some commissions I owe... -Squints-
General | Posted 7 years agoAlright, I was looking on trello, I have just about everyone marked down but.. I FEEL AS IF SOMEONE IS MISSING?! And I cannot.. figure out who it is. Who all had my Tentacle YCH's? I think I had a few different ones.. I know someone was a humanoid with c'thulu inspired tentacles or something? I CANNOT REMEMBER! ;_;
My transitioning Updates
General | Posted 7 years agoSoooo, DECEMBER 21st this year I will be getting my top surgery, I AM NERVOUS AND SCARED.
Also with all the events going on, I am looking to possibly escape my ass to Canada because I know people there, and the boyfriend is there too. (Read: I am Polyam hi)
I've been on T shots for a long while now, and I am honestly happy i started them when I did when I moved to minnesota. Things have been rocky but I can tell you one thing, I love my fluffy face. It is soft, and fluffy. I am letting my hair grow out so that's also a thing.
The moodswings are hard fam, like holyshit, I GET CRANKY SO EASILY ANYMORE.
Thankfully a cup of coffee and some food fixes me right up but sdkjgndfkjgndkjhfkjshn fam, let me just say, if a doctor asks me one more time if it's my T that causes me pain, imma throw a desk. I have Fibro, it's not my medication that keeps me ALIVE.
Love you all, stay wonderful.
Also with all the events going on, I am looking to possibly escape my ass to Canada because I know people there, and the boyfriend is there too. (Read: I am Polyam hi)
I've been on T shots for a long while now, and I am honestly happy i started them when I did when I moved to minnesota. Things have been rocky but I can tell you one thing, I love my fluffy face. It is soft, and fluffy. I am letting my hair grow out so that's also a thing.
The moodswings are hard fam, like holyshit, I GET CRANKY SO EASILY ANYMORE.
Thankfully a cup of coffee and some food fixes me right up but sdkjgndfkjgndkjhfkjshn fam, let me just say, if a doctor asks me one more time if it's my T that causes me pain, imma throw a desk. I have Fibro, it's not my medication that keeps me ALIVE.
Love you all, stay wonderful.
Huge update.
General | Posted 7 years agoHey, it's been a while hasn't it? All I have done is post adopt things and such, there's a reason for that.. Well not really, it's all I felt like putting up at the time.
My profile has been changing, I am learning people come and go and there is honestly nothing I can do about it. I will be signing up for classes starting in december which is a year long program for DBT; my therapist suggested it, since he runs the whole thing.
What I have learned over the past few months is that, a lot of people either care about you or they don't really care and just keep you around because they feel like it. At least, that's what my mind understands. See, I have mental problems, in a way that, I learn things differently than others. I am also on edge a lot of the time due to past abuse and other things; abuse that I am still trying to get over; that was caused by my family, and by friends growing up.
I have Major Depression Disorder, ADHD, PTSD, Fibro, Heat intolerance, memory issues, and a whole slew of other things that I don't really feel like explaining. I have learned, because of these problems, that I have no control over; even my Anxiety issues; which I again have no control over, tend to get in the way of functioning normal. I am Nero-divergent and honestly I wouldn't change that for the world. I do go to therapy, I do have some ways of coping with things, I am only human.
Honestly, the world needs... more mindfulness, more kindness out there. I have seen my own family slowly give up, my own mother almost give up; just.. Listen to people when they need it. Reach out to them because one day they won't ever be there anymore. Even if bridges are burned, even if something doesn't work out; sometimes just sitting and talking it out will fix a lot of things.
I never understood human emotions and I still don't. A lot of time I always feel things are my fault or that I am in the wrong, on a daily basis, more than I would like to be honest. I always end up putting other people before myself, and a lot of times that bites me in the butt. Anyways; I just needed to get something out there. I will be having my chest surgery on December 21st this year; I had to move the date up due to my mental health. Which is a slow process on working on, but I am doing it.
Can I tell you trying to deal with anything in the adult world is exhausting? because it is..
Also shout-out to my amazing partner who has been there for me through everything, I love you babe, that will never change.
So; if you made it this far in reading my journal, I congrat you; because I know I wouldn't lmao. I will be hopefully going to Midwest Furfest this year! I plan on doing the artist alley so look forward to that! I plan on opening up pre-orders for Badges in which you can pick up in person if you are going to the con! Or I can ship them, either way I don't mind. I have a few other things planned as well, I am going to be completely reworking my account, or just changing accounts all together. I need a fresh start, something that I can wrap my mind around. I do plan on getting back into art, but I honestly want to do more traditional means. Sometimes I will do digital, but pencils are a lot more fun to work with.
You are all amazing and wonderful, and know, I am here my notes are always open; if you are ever having a bad day, feel free to drop me a note because I would rather know someone is living another day than sitting here silent and avoiding the world. You are important and amazing, the world needs you all. Stay awesome my friends.
Rest well Stephen Hawking
General | Posted 7 years agoYou were an amazing man, and one of the reasons the universe kept together...
So many great minds have been leaving us.
So many great minds have been leaving us.
Missing my Father
General | Posted 9 years agoI think the hardest part about him passing, is how everyone is thinking I am selfish because I don't want to keep talking, because I am having a hard time calling and keeping in touch. I am not allowed to miss him at this point, I am reminded that mom is more important than how I feel, because I owe it to her for raising me. That my true colors are of an ass without even saying it, I can see between the lines, I can read the words. I'm not stupid..
Actually for a fact, I cry every time I see something my dad enjoyed or loved, I cry when I think about him and I wish I could hear him laugh. I want to call him and talk to him, I have it hard but I am not allowed to have those feelings it seems. I am supposed to suck it up and be the shoulder and wall the others need when I barely can be that for myself, I have been feeling sick for the past few days on an off, just gross and icky. I don't know why, I am trying to cope with things but everytime I even look at my social medias I am reminded and get messaged over it. I am sorry that I have doctors appointments and everything, I am sorry that I cry over everything that reminds me of my father.
Sorry that I don't have a cellphone to keep in touch twenty-four seven and maybe... Maybe I just want to mourn peacefully because crying is not making me feel better. I am not allowed the time I need, I have to be there for everyone else instead of myself. Being told what I don't love my mom?" Really, assuming that is wrong... What do they want from me? How am I supposed to help?
Daddy I wish you were here so I could figure stuff out, I don't know what to do anymore at this point. I am trying to keep myself healthy and to do what I know you'd want dad.. But it's becoming to much and I am slowly just hiding in my own self.
Actually for a fact, I cry every time I see something my dad enjoyed or loved, I cry when I think about him and I wish I could hear him laugh. I want to call him and talk to him, I have it hard but I am not allowed to have those feelings it seems. I am supposed to suck it up and be the shoulder and wall the others need when I barely can be that for myself, I have been feeling sick for the past few days on an off, just gross and icky. I don't know why, I am trying to cope with things but everytime I even look at my social medias I am reminded and get messaged over it. I am sorry that I have doctors appointments and everything, I am sorry that I cry over everything that reminds me of my father.
Sorry that I don't have a cellphone to keep in touch twenty-four seven and maybe... Maybe I just want to mourn peacefully because crying is not making me feel better. I am not allowed the time I need, I have to be there for everyone else instead of myself. Being told what I don't love my mom?" Really, assuming that is wrong... What do they want from me? How am I supposed to help?
Daddy I wish you were here so I could figure stuff out, I don't know what to do anymore at this point. I am trying to keep myself healthy and to do what I know you'd want dad.. But it's becoming to much and I am slowly just hiding in my own self.
Update: My father passed away today.
General | Posted 9 years agoI am sorry but I will not being doing any art for anyone for a long while. My father is passing away/passed away possibly just now. My world feels like it has fallen apart and I sadly do not think I can handle any work right now. Sorry.
Fantastic news: I am now taking T!
General | Posted 9 years agoYep that's right! Had my first shot today <3 it's for now every other week and my mate is helping me with it. I am now on my way to transitioning! I am rather happy about it and thought I should share! ^^
