I'm posting up a rare political journal, because recent things I have witnessed are compelling me to speak my mind. I've always been one who advocates clarity on ones stance, even if there is backlash. Because if you are not honest, how can you expect to be taken seriously? In any reasonable debate you have to expect to offend and be offended in turn, something you can't do if you don't have free speech.

But, to my point. And bear in mind, this is me sharing an observation of an event and posing a question. And I say this because asking this question apparently makes me a fascist somehow.

Last night while playing Warcraft, I was made aware through the chat that Charlie Kirk had been shot. I knew of the guy but nothing in depth, having seen a handful of his videos on Youtube. I wasn't an avid follower, but some things he said I agreed with, some things he said I did not. But I did agree with the advocation of talking and debates over violence, and I believe that dialogue should be the first means to resolving any form of conflict. I also believe that escalation to violence is an unfortunate, but sometimes necessary result.

What disgusts me about the entire incident, is how many people were not only celebrating his being killed, but also calling for more blood. And not just in a game, but on social media as a whole. Not only were they enthusiastically cheering his death, they wanted to broaden it and see more people who were even remotely "right leaning" murdered.

Is this what we have become? That celebrating someone being killed is not only the norm now, but expected? And not only that, for not agreeing with and championing such a violent opinion, that I myself should also be dragged out and killed?

So I was given another battery of tests and the good news is...I don't have any kidney infections. Still hasn't solved the problem, but apparently the most serious thing has been ruled out.

Still in pain and still nauseous though, so...fun stuff.

So for the last two weeks I've been getting stomach pains again, last time it was diverticulitis and it's feeling like that again, except its now spreading around my back and lower spine. I'm awake as I write this at 4:10am, because the pain was enough to get me out of bed, with a slight fever and cold sweat.

I think I'll be heading to the hospital shortly, so if I'm not around for a few days...that's probably where I'm staying.

I know it's a bit late, but I've completed my goal of writing a macro March themed story. Featuring muscle growth, macro sizes and beyond. Plus a fair chunk of destruction. It turned out a lot longer than I expected, and gave me more than a few issues while drafting and editing. So in the wake of this, I'm thinking of taking a break from writing for a week or so.

If you do happen to read said story, I would appreciate feedback as it's my first foray into the topic.

Some might have noticed the deletion of a bunch of submissions, that was because one file went in as an image instead of text. But because FA doesn't allow switches of files, I had to delete it. Which meant the sequence was out of order...which meant physical pain.

So, apologies to those who are seeing things twice!

The news though, finally uploaded the things I tend to write after the nudging of others to do so. That's kind of it, nothing too exciting I guess!.

Boom,

Glad 2024 is gone.

Hoping 2025 is better!

Happy new years all.

To one and all.

I wont be around much, lots to do.

Also...why is wrapping paper one of the most fragile materials known on Earth? :(

Passed today, 92 years old.

Glad he's no longer suffering, but sorry he's gone. No more crazy stories or jokes to hear.

Both me and my mom were with him when he passed.

Mom collapsed in her chair yesterday, she had a transient ischaemic attack. Ambulance said I was lucky to be on hand to call them.

On Sunday I was struck with diverticulitis. Sister came round during the week with her kids and brought something which feels like covid with her, so I pretty much feel like I'm knocking on deaths door.

Pretty much sums up this week.

Although I'm shunting the previous journal down, it's not with good news.

Been another hellish week here, work has been stressful and my graddad has been in and out of hospital due to falls 5 times now in the space of a week. As I write this, the ambulance has been called out yet again. My grandmother who lives with him has dementia (He's 92, she's 90) has been adding to the week with her antics to the point that both me and my mom are starting to suspect that she might be behind some of my granddads falls. But trying to piece together what is happening between them isn't easy.

There's a LOT going on here currently and I'm getting very little time to myself. Likely not going to be around too often.

I'm just writing this out for something to look back on in the future, I don't know.

The last two months have basically been a living hell, I've tried reaching out to a few people to basically ask for help as my mental health is at the lowest it has ever been. Last night was the last attempt I'm prepared to take. I'm sick of each week being the same, meaningless grind. I'm sick of grandparents constantly going on about how they wish they were dead, how miserable their life is. It's like every conversation I have with anyone is just misery heaped on misery. Every effort I've made to get them help is shot down and then rubbed in my face.

Maybe if I was gone, they might finally realise I was somebody.

I tried to talk about my low mood to folks IRL and got laughed at, "like you would know what stress and depression are".

The final kicker came today. I took a break from WoW, been playing it for the better part of 18 years and recently took a month off just to work on myself. The guild I have been in for almost a year and a half, did dungeons with them, mythics and the occasional old raid. I re-subbed this evening and logged in. They hadn't even noticed I was missing, not a single response to me saying hello.

I feel I have nothing further to offer.

Selling off this gal

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/55196437/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/55210135/

Reason being, I cooked her up as one thing, and over the months she has drifted away from my original vision into something I'm not 100% happy with. She has 28 pics and two animations, one of which has sound added in by myself. My plan is to keep the original picture of her and go in the direction I meant to.

Inquire with.

Something to shift the last journal off the page.

The local cinema near me has started playing old movies again, and when I sai old I don't mean 50's, 60's, I mean 80's and 90's. Managed to get into a viewing of Terminator 2 which was awesome, and more recently, Saving Private Ryan.

Really hoping they start going through movies like Commando, Top Gun, Robocop. Would definitely love to see those on the big screen!

I'm writing this in anger, the tone of which will likely be reflected in this post.

This week has seen a lot of things happening in life, from sick grandparents telling me they are sick of life and are contemplating killing themselves, to covering massive, unexpected bills for OTHER people and an utter shit time at work with timewasters.

Here's the icing on the top of this shitpile. I posted up a latest comm, which I am more than happy with. And throughout the day, I've had people poking fun at it, saying I have ripped off other peoples characters, ripped off TV shows I have never heard of, or basically saying that it's outright shit. To those people, sincerly, go fuck yourself. Who the fuck are you to dump disrespect like that.

And to the last tosser who commented on said pic here on FA. I'm not hiding the comments, but you can fuck off as well. Don't even begin to think you know me based off one online interaction, you don't know how I speak to people whom I consider friends, and if you didn't waste time dragging out a pointless comparison then I wouldn't have been increasingly irritated by your responses.

To those who choose to read this, don't go on a witch hunt against that prick. I've blocked the twat, and he's done the same.

For the record, I don't believe in that "If you don't like it, don't comment". If you don't like it, you're FREE to comment, but at least have the decency to say what you don't like. There is no rationale in "that's a shit pic", take that attitude and fuck off with it.

I know I'm not the greatest at reaching out and communicating with folks, but lately, and I don't know why, it's become increasingly hard to talk to people. Folks I was having full on conversations with has petered out to just one line replies, new folks who I have never spoken to aren't responding (two blocked me outright).

So...have I done something bad somewhere to warrant this sudden communication stonewall?

I've stated going back down a road I said I wouldn't, making new characters outside of the universe I am writing about specifically because I have spur of the moment ideas.

Do I consider selling one or two perhaps?

I'd like to make this journal for the avoidance of doubt.

I no longer own Shakirah. She now belongs to  grammaticerror and has done since circa 2019.

She is no longer posted anywhere in my gallery, but for those wanting proof of previous commissions, I refer you to this image, as it seems to be the most popular one people ask me about - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20473193/.

I have never given permission for her artwork or likeness to be used for the purposes of RP, and back when she was my OC I made numerous requests to F-list staff to have her removed from profiles.

I am unsure of the stance  grammaticerror takes on this, but as Shakirah has belonged to them since 2019, I suggest you approach them if you are curious.

Those who know the reasons behind why I sold the character, nothing more needs to be said. For anyone else who see's artwork of her, please do not ask me. Every time I see such questions it's re-opening old wounds. So please don't.

Hoping that 2024 brings better tidings to all!

I made one resolution. To write more stories in 2024 than I did in 2023. As I only did 5, shouldn't be too hard!

Just to push the old journal off the page...

I've been trying to balance writing after once more quitting Warcraft again. This time I think for good though, as I reached a point last week where I said to myself "I hate this game".

Also Starfield. That's fun so far.

I think I might have cooked up a reasonable ending for the Peninsular war era that Anastasia was going through, which means her storyline is now going to jump ahead to the American West era. I have been puzzling quite a bit however as to the best place to post things. Should I just post the occasional thing here, or are there better sites that people use that are exclusively for writers?

Is what it is.

If you don't see me around for a while, that's what it is too.

Fucking had enough.

So this isn't going to be as dramatic as the title may sound. I finally finished the quadrilogy of Sonic games from my childhood days. When I was little, I was given Sonic 2 for my Birthday and despite my efforts I never finished it.

One friend of mine had Sonic 1, so I got to play very little bits of it (Never further than Marble Zone).

In high school, another friend had Sonic 3, and another had S3&K.

I never even saw a Mega CD, so Sonic CD was pretty much a myth for me.

Last night I finally sat down and played all four games to their conclusions and in the aftermath it felt good. Though I will admit, Sonic CD is the only game in the series that I have played, that I legitimately hated at the end.

Overall though, good vibes.

I've been getting back into my writing thing after taking almost a full year off, in my latest draft I've done something I've never done before. Directly referenced an OC of mine engaged in a sexual act. I know it might sound weird, but it's something I always put off as it feels like a line I should not be crossing. Don't ask what instilled that mentality, because I honestly can't explain it. It's been bugging me for some time and I sat down and rationalised it. The more I contemplated the subject the less sense it made that a 240+ year old character would have no real reason to be celibate (considering her life and choices).

So I've now drafted it into a story. It's nothing graphic or excessive, more of a looking back at what happened. Feels different, but kind of positive?

I went out on a limb this morning and bought Resident Evil 8, I honestly was not going to bother as that scene with the fetus in one of the trailers freaked me out (The laugh mostly). But so far it's not bad, the last Resi game I tried was 6 and that was just a mess. Nice to see things have improved...I'm looking at you QTE's...

Not seen the big vampire lady yet though, other than in the cutscene.

I haven't been to one for a while, what with covid and stuff going around amongst other things. Went today with a few buddies and had a blast wandering around and finding things to add to my collection of geekiness. Felt great seeing folks in cosplay, even if I didn't know who half of them were supposed to be, and generally being around fellow geeks...

Then I left, and it's like walking into a whole new world. One full of mockery and cruelty, folks laughing at the things I find enjoyable (I found a big Shadow plush) that just reinforces my dislike of actually leaving the house.

I was asked quite recently about heights for some of my characters and it got me thinking...that's something I hadn't put down in my compendium of world stuff. So I went through bio drafts and plucked them all out for my ref table. If anyone is curious...I did both Imperial and Metric, because why not?

Anastasia 203.2 6ft 8
Raikatuji Saori 200.66 6ft 7
TC Jackson 225.5 7ft 3
Isabeau Delahoussaye 172.72 5ft 8
Yachiyo Ichibangase 187.96 6ft 2
Ichika Kobayashi 243.84 8ft
Avrora Solovyova 274.8 9ft
Mieka 182.88 6ft
Ankh-She 396.24 13ft
Ricarda Tiedemann 213.36 7ft
Wiebke Scholz 213.36 7ft
Irga Ziegler 213.36 7ft
Swanhilde Schmitz 213.36 7ft
Elise 195.58 6ft 5
Genoveva 195.58 6ft 5
Lexandria 203.2 6ft 8
Akari 304.8 10ft
Taz 213.36 7ft
TitaniKat -- --
The Black Hand 243.84 8ft

Not all of them have last names yet, that's on my list of things to do as I progress through the list of bio's to create. I'm working in alphabetical order, but I realised I need to finish a few stories before doing profiles. So I know who has experienced what and when...