FA+
Shop
InkBunny
Posted 3 years agoI rarely ever post anything here, my main account is at InkBunny at https://inkbunny.net/Autumnbear . As a NSFW cub comic artist, I have limited pieces to post here.
FurAffinity will always have a special place in my heart as being my first furry community, but the options for posting and tagging here are cluttered. Not being able to make "pools" to separate comics from gift art to other random pieces is also untidy and a mess to slog through an extended gallery.
Just updating a site link for those few followers that started to watch me here with my odd bits of art: I post a lot more on InkBunny, and currently sitting at 1647 Watchers. Don't forget to adjust your viewing settings for that site, so you can see Adult content!
FurAffinity will always have a special place in my heart as being my first furry community, but the options for posting and tagging here are cluttered. Not being able to make "pools" to separate comics from gift art to other random pieces is also untidy and a mess to slog through an extended gallery.
Just updating a site link for those few followers that started to watch me here with my odd bits of art: I post a lot more on InkBunny, and currently sitting at 1647 Watchers. Don't forget to adjust your viewing settings for that site, so you can see Adult content!
Happy Birthday to ME!!!
Posted 6 years agoSeptember 22nd, Happy Birthday to me! I'm 38 years old!
Today I posted a few CLEAN pieces for this much neglected account. I am arting, and I have 848 watchers on InkBunny. Wish I could post all my stuff here, comics too.
Just enjoying my vacation away from work until the 30th, when I go back. I'm lovin' it!
Today I posted a few CLEAN pieces for this much neglected account. I am arting, and I have 848 watchers on InkBunny. Wish I could post all my stuff here, comics too.
Just enjoying my vacation away from work until the 30th, when I go back. I'm lovin' it!
800 Watchers
Posted 6 years agoWoohoo! I hit the 800 Watchers milestone on Inkbunny today, right after posting Page 95 of my webcomic.
I really wish I could post my stuff HERE, but years ago Cub was banned here on FurAffinity. One of the main reasons my account here is largely dead.
If any of my fans want to see how I've changed/improved over the last year, and read up on a slice-of-life incest story, come check it out on Inkbunny. https://inkbunny.net/Autumnbear
Heh, here... I have only 50 Watchers. >_<
I really wish I could post my stuff HERE, but years ago Cub was banned here on FurAffinity. One of the main reasons my account here is largely dead.
If any of my fans want to see how I've changed/improved over the last year, and read up on a slice-of-life incest story, come check it out on Inkbunny. https://inkbunny.net/Autumnbear
Heh, here... I have only 50 Watchers. >_<
Artist Shout-Out
Posted 7 years agoWatch Campy. Artist behind the Webcomic Forest Hill. If you like a compelling dramatic story about slice-of-life events fro ma Cub perspective, watch this guy. His comics made me queasy and worried sick about his characters.
Piczel.tv channel to watch him live stream: https://piczel.tv/watch/Campy
His actual web-comic, Forest Hill: http://www.foresthillcomic.org/comics/2325590/404/
Piczel.tv channel to watch him live stream: https://piczel.tv/watch/Campy
His actual web-comic, Forest Hill: http://www.foresthillcomic.org/comics/2325590/404/
Inkbunny
Posted 8 years agoI love FurAffinity. In a way, I also hate it.
This was my first Furry site. I joined back In the early days in order to figure out who I was, and go through some emotional clutter. Back in the day, FurAffinity had almost no restrictions on what could be posted here, and I thought this was great, a haven for a budding Furry with a community that accepts all sorts regardless of interests.
Since the day came to ban Cub art, the site started to feel unstable, untrustworthy, like suddenly not only would Cub be banned, but other extreme fetishes. Suddenly the art site felt like it was restrictive, and a lot of art that I had favored in the past was now disappearing or already gone, artists I admired suddenly banned and moved on.
I felt In a way betrayed, so I left FurAffinity.
Going through many personal changes in my life (buying a house, losing a cat, not being in love with certain people anymore, gaining a real relationship, job changes, life choice changes...) I simply haven't had time for my Furry hobby. Simply watching artists and keeping up to date with their art progress was difficult. Also, my drawing stopped completely. I lost all drive to create and be part of a community. I put my personal interests on hold, for a long time.
I found a site by chance called InkBunny. Here, the only real restriction are limits imposed on submissions containing human content. Posting clothed/partially tasteful nudes of humans isn't bannable, but sexual pictures of humans are. Compared to FurAffinity, which had/has multiple restrictions, this was enticing enough to join this site. I could find old popular artists and watch them again, knowing my favored art styles could stay without fear of disappearing. There is a sense of much more artistic freedom here.
I love the feel of InkBunny. It's a great site, with active artists. FurAFfinity still has a few non-cub artists that I follow which I have come back to watch again. But coming here makes me feel guilty. I did abandon this site, and it feels cluttered and stale, like an old childhood bedroom full of unpleasant or lost memories.
Recently, I've been inspired to draw again. I'm not very good. I have a junior high level of art skill. But I'll post my InkBunny account link if anyone is curious.
https://inkbunny.net/Autumnbear
Sorry to any followers of my old simple art that wondered if I died. I'm posting again. Come check me out, and all the artists I've collected. I still visit this site from time to time, but will not post my art here unless Inkbunny goes down.
Some may wonder why a lot of my FurAFfinity scrap pictures are gone, or pictures that represented old feelings of love for someone in my life. I felt with my life changes and emotional changes that those pictures were in poor taste, and no longer reflected what I feel inside. I will not be removing any other pieces here. What is still posted will remain for all time.
This was my first Furry site. I joined back In the early days in order to figure out who I was, and go through some emotional clutter. Back in the day, FurAffinity had almost no restrictions on what could be posted here, and I thought this was great, a haven for a budding Furry with a community that accepts all sorts regardless of interests.
Since the day came to ban Cub art, the site started to feel unstable, untrustworthy, like suddenly not only would Cub be banned, but other extreme fetishes. Suddenly the art site felt like it was restrictive, and a lot of art that I had favored in the past was now disappearing or already gone, artists I admired suddenly banned and moved on.
I felt In a way betrayed, so I left FurAffinity.
Going through many personal changes in my life (buying a house, losing a cat, not being in love with certain people anymore, gaining a real relationship, job changes, life choice changes...) I simply haven't had time for my Furry hobby. Simply watching artists and keeping up to date with their art progress was difficult. Also, my drawing stopped completely. I lost all drive to create and be part of a community. I put my personal interests on hold, for a long time.
I found a site by chance called InkBunny. Here, the only real restriction are limits imposed on submissions containing human content. Posting clothed/partially tasteful nudes of humans isn't bannable, but sexual pictures of humans are. Compared to FurAffinity, which had/has multiple restrictions, this was enticing enough to join this site. I could find old popular artists and watch them again, knowing my favored art styles could stay without fear of disappearing. There is a sense of much more artistic freedom here.
I love the feel of InkBunny. It's a great site, with active artists. FurAFfinity still has a few non-cub artists that I follow which I have come back to watch again. But coming here makes me feel guilty. I did abandon this site, and it feels cluttered and stale, like an old childhood bedroom full of unpleasant or lost memories.
Recently, I've been inspired to draw again. I'm not very good. I have a junior high level of art skill. But I'll post my InkBunny account link if anyone is curious.
https://inkbunny.net/Autumnbear
Sorry to any followers of my old simple art that wondered if I died. I'm posting again. Come check me out, and all the artists I've collected. I still visit this site from time to time, but will not post my art here unless Inkbunny goes down.
Some may wonder why a lot of my FurAFfinity scrap pictures are gone, or pictures that represented old feelings of love for someone in my life. I felt with my life changes and emotional changes that those pictures were in poor taste, and no longer reflected what I feel inside. I will not be removing any other pieces here. What is still posted will remain for all time.
Important Milestone
Posted 11 years agoWelp, I did it.
I bought a house.
I've been without internet for a week. My body is still sore from moving a ton of crap. There is still a ton of stuff to move, and a lot more finishing touches around the new place to do before I can even begin to relax.
But wow. WOW.
After a lifetime of struggle and disappointment, me and my family have gotten a home to call our home. No more renting, or worrying about landlords barging in any time of the day. No more telling us that we can't paint our interior walls a different color, or build a built-in bookshelf.
Things lined up together a little too neatly and perfectly; I still can't believe that we have moved out of a shithole and into a place worthy to call home. Part of me still expects us to somehow fail, and get evicted, and force us to scramble back in the shadows like a whipped dog.
Part of me feels we don't deserve such a break in fortune. But man oh man am I ever GRATEFUL that we finally got one.
I think I'm only 2 blocks away from artist Aemi as well. Should probably go bug her again after I'm settled in more thouroughly, make her craft me something.
I bought a house.
I've been without internet for a week. My body is still sore from moving a ton of crap. There is still a ton of stuff to move, and a lot more finishing touches around the new place to do before I can even begin to relax.
But wow. WOW.
After a lifetime of struggle and disappointment, me and my family have gotten a home to call our home. No more renting, or worrying about landlords barging in any time of the day. No more telling us that we can't paint our interior walls a different color, or build a built-in bookshelf.
Things lined up together a little too neatly and perfectly; I still can't believe that we have moved out of a shithole and into a place worthy to call home. Part of me still expects us to somehow fail, and get evicted, and force us to scramble back in the shadows like a whipped dog.
Part of me feels we don't deserve such a break in fortune. But man oh man am I ever GRATEFUL that we finally got one.
I think I'm only 2 blocks away from artist Aemi as well. Should probably go bug her again after I'm settled in more thouroughly, make her craft me something.
Random Friend Quiz? (Stolen from Aemi!!!)
Posted 13 years agoIf you comment, I will...
1) Tell you something I learned about you by looking at your FA page.
2) Tell you a color you remind me of.
3) Tell you what Element I think you belong to (e.g. water, fire, air, etc.).
4) Tell you what comic, manga/anime, or video game character you remind me of.
5) Ask you a question, and you must answer.
6) Tell you something I like about you.
7) Give you a nickname.
8) Tell you the object that is to the left of me.
9) Tell you what food/ flavor/smell you remind me of
10) Tell you to do one in your journal too (or here)
1) Tell you something I learned about you by looking at your FA page.
2) Tell you a color you remind me of.
3) Tell you what Element I think you belong to (e.g. water, fire, air, etc.).
4) Tell you what comic, manga/anime, or video game character you remind me of.
5) Ask you a question, and you must answer.
6) Tell you something I like about you.
7) Give you a nickname.
8) Tell you the object that is to the left of me.
9) Tell you what food/ flavor/smell you remind me of
10) Tell you to do one in your journal too (or here)
Bye-Bye Warcrack.
Posted 14 years agoI just logged into my World of Warcraft account for the last time.
It's the 7 Year Anniversary today. 7 years! I've been playing just under 7 years myself, since right after it came out. I've put in a tremendous amount of love and care for my Druid. And for what?
The game has been dumbed down for the new players. My old favourite content has been removed. I've achieved most of the soloable content and achievments.
The game feels cluttered. The wilderness is packed with clutter. Most zones are under-level, obsolete, useless. I miss the days when entering unfinished zones like Azshara and Feralas, feeling the wonder and the "I shouldn't be here yet" feeling of the game. So much more mystery, danger, excitement, where exploring and leveling was treacherous yet fun.
Now the game is designed to funnel players to end-game content, so millions of players can farm and compete for the same things in the same very limited selection of zones. It isn't fun.
Unless you have dedicated DAYS to raid or group PvP, you simply can't enjoy the last bit of content anymore. Revisiting old zones for the new quests was a fun distraction, but again, pointless and frustrating. The same feeling of being funneled to end-game is always there.
Maybe WoW will become free to play, with the option to pay for the extra content. A few popular games do this already. Unless they do this, or redesign the game from scratch, I see no point in playing. Why pay a good chunk of money for a game that isn't fun anymore, a game where I can no longer DO anything, simply because I have a life, or I've done it all already?
I love my Druid. My VERY old Druid. But he'll have to slumber in the Emerald Dream for a while. The World (of Warcraft) doesn't need him anymore. There's plenty of young, unskilled players out there to solve all the quests and problems instead.
Hopefully the developers rehash the game, making it CHALLENGING and FUN instead of adding levels and glossy overcoats. I have millions of overhaul ideas. But, as posted, I'm pretty much done. Haven't played in weeks now. Goodbye Autumnbear. At least I got you your epic cooking recipe before I pulled the plug. Man, was THAT a bitch to get... :P
It's the 7 Year Anniversary today. 7 years! I've been playing just under 7 years myself, since right after it came out. I've put in a tremendous amount of love and care for my Druid. And for what?
The game has been dumbed down for the new players. My old favourite content has been removed. I've achieved most of the soloable content and achievments.
The game feels cluttered. The wilderness is packed with clutter. Most zones are under-level, obsolete, useless. I miss the days when entering unfinished zones like Azshara and Feralas, feeling the wonder and the "I shouldn't be here yet" feeling of the game. So much more mystery, danger, excitement, where exploring and leveling was treacherous yet fun.
Now the game is designed to funnel players to end-game content, so millions of players can farm and compete for the same things in the same very limited selection of zones. It isn't fun.
Unless you have dedicated DAYS to raid or group PvP, you simply can't enjoy the last bit of content anymore. Revisiting old zones for the new quests was a fun distraction, but again, pointless and frustrating. The same feeling of being funneled to end-game is always there.
Maybe WoW will become free to play, with the option to pay for the extra content. A few popular games do this already. Unless they do this, or redesign the game from scratch, I see no point in playing. Why pay a good chunk of money for a game that isn't fun anymore, a game where I can no longer DO anything, simply because I have a life, or I've done it all already?
I love my Druid. My VERY old Druid. But he'll have to slumber in the Emerald Dream for a while. The World (of Warcraft) doesn't need him anymore. There's plenty of young, unskilled players out there to solve all the quests and problems instead.
Hopefully the developers rehash the game, making it CHALLENGING and FUN instead of adding levels and glossy overcoats. I have millions of overhaul ideas. But, as posted, I'm pretty much done. Haven't played in weeks now. Goodbye Autumnbear. At least I got you your epic cooking recipe before I pulled the plug. Man, was THAT a bitch to get... :P
1000 page views.
Posted 14 years agoPageviews: 1000
Submissions: 144
Comments Received: 304
Comments Given: 429
Journals: 19
Favorites: 36
1000 pageviews? It's a small milestone.
A lot of artists that I watch are adamant about announcing such things on a regular basis, complete with special artwork for these milestones.
I just watched a submission of a before and after theme. Art back from the early days of their drawing career, compared to the same characters drawn most recently. Art improves with time, and changes. It's inspiring to go back through old art pieces and seeing how terrible your old ways were, and how you've grown. We'll see how inspired I am when I get to work today.
My family just lost a friend the day before yesterday. Our old friend Dale died at the age of 60. He is a unique character, and my step-mums best friend. The past few days have been a little rough for the family, but I'm amazed at the strength and cohesive family support we're all recieving from each other. Jamies' mum is showing strength and courage that she did NOT have prior to last year. Quitting chronic drinking and resolving to face issues instead of running from them have changed her for the best. She and her daughter Jamie have a relationship that is solid now: something they've NEVER had in their life. Our family is living more as a family now, rather than just a bunch of people sleeping at the same house. There were some doubts as to how the impact of Dales' death would hit us, but it's revealing just how strong and together our family is now.
November 10, 2011, Dale Johnson, aged 60, best friend of Kim, friend of my entire family and adopt-a-uncle, crazy house guest and loveable personality. Irreplacable. Luv ya Dale. Now, git on ya, ye old pecker <insert boorish guffaw here>, go have a game of pool while you wait for the rest of us. See ya guy. <3
Submissions: 144
Comments Received: 304
Comments Given: 429
Journals: 19
Favorites: 36
1000 pageviews? It's a small milestone.
A lot of artists that I watch are adamant about announcing such things on a regular basis, complete with special artwork for these milestones.
I just watched a submission of a before and after theme. Art back from the early days of their drawing career, compared to the same characters drawn most recently. Art improves with time, and changes. It's inspiring to go back through old art pieces and seeing how terrible your old ways were, and how you've grown. We'll see how inspired I am when I get to work today.
My family just lost a friend the day before yesterday. Our old friend Dale died at the age of 60. He is a unique character, and my step-mums best friend. The past few days have been a little rough for the family, but I'm amazed at the strength and cohesive family support we're all recieving from each other. Jamies' mum is showing strength and courage that she did NOT have prior to last year. Quitting chronic drinking and resolving to face issues instead of running from them have changed her for the best. She and her daughter Jamie have a relationship that is solid now: something they've NEVER had in their life. Our family is living more as a family now, rather than just a bunch of people sleeping at the same house. There were some doubts as to how the impact of Dales' death would hit us, but it's revealing just how strong and together our family is now.
November 10, 2011, Dale Johnson, aged 60, best friend of Kim, friend of my entire family and adopt-a-uncle, crazy house guest and loveable personality. Irreplacable. Luv ya Dale. Now, git on ya, ye old pecker <insert boorish guffaw here>, go have a game of pool while you wait for the rest of us. See ya guy. <3
Back from British Columbia
Posted 14 years agoWe just got back from our B.C. trip yesterday.
It was a nice 4 day trip. A fantastic, awesome trip, but also a very chaotic adventure. My camping/traveling skills were extremely rusty, and neither Greg nor Jamie had any actual experiences to draw on.
We left on Monday, the last day of the September Holiday Weekend. You can imagine the amount of traffic we saw passing us, driving back the way we just came from. Very little inbound traffic for B.C..
This trip is important. It was Jamie and Greg's first time in B.C. as adults, and certainly all of our own firsts for being away on a trip without family. Jamie and me being family, err... that doesn't count. We didn't have anyone else looking after us, telling us what to do. Everything we did, we did for ourselves BY ourselves.
I wrote a fun little memoir to record most of our major experiences. I'm very glad I did. There was so many little events of importance that happened, that it would take a week or more to relate all the experiences to someone else. And it wouldn't be in chronological order.
We didn't end up sleeping in tents. We shared a single room motel for the first two nights, and a hostel for the third. 2 beds in each motel room. I slept on the floor each time, in a sleeping bag.
My sexual frustration for the entire trip was SKY HIGH. O_o
We drove down south to Calgary, then west to Banff. Stopping in Golden for the first night. Along the way there we stopped to check out the river in a few places, where it had raged through solid rock, making wonderful erosions and effects.
Entering B.C. is awesome. No longer are there short, stubby trees or yellow, burnt grasses. Trees are tall and plentiful, hugging the mountain slopes. Mosses, grasses, flowers, everywhere. We saw literally across the road from us: Mountain Goats, Black Bears, Falcons and Hawks, Hummingbirds, a White Chicken, what I believe was a Marmot, Deer, a momma Moose and her baby, Crows, millions of Butterflies and Dragonflies. I never once even got bit by a Mosquito or Black Fly.
The roads are exciting. Every angle you turn your head, there's a priceless view of the mountains and steep canyons, lakes, forests, and hidden flat valleys made into quaint farmsteads. There is no litter or rubbish on the road or in the ditches. The air is fresh and sweet smelling, like raw corn or cedar wood with lawn clippings.
We had so many stops and memories. I bumped Greg's car into the side of the ferry while I was trying to get off (I drove on a ferry!). We bought my mum a broom crafted in the store where the Harry Potter movie brooms came from. Jamie got her wish to pick live B.C. fruit (with special permission, I asked our motel manager), we ate at a truckers diner, explored a cave, swam in two different hot springs, saw all that wildlife, bought souveniers, went to where the Gondolas are north of Golden (they were closed, open only on weekends, our bad for poor timing).
All in all, we had just the right amount of vacation time and experiences. Any more or less would have ruined the trip.
Soooo many little events I can't even begin to post on here. Looking at my little memoir, I can't believe how much I wrote down, what we all did. It's crazy. I would do this again in a heartbeat... but I'm so poor, financially.
I didn't really have enough cash to go on this trip, but I'm so very glad that I did. I'm thankful to have had these experiences with Jamie.
I'm glad Greg was there to hang out with for this trip, but oh man. I wish he wasn't there for so many moments.
I know just how interested he is in her. Even though Greg is 'dating' some other random chick, he has no apparent interest in her. He's always had magnets in his eyes and face whenever it's concerning Jamie. In three-way conversations and interactions I constantly felt some 'rivalry' energy emanating from him. I think he suspects how I feel for her too. Well, let him know. I love Jamie as much as any other guy could love her. I'm not ashamed of it.
To put people at ease, let me clarify a fact. There was very little opportunity for one-on-one intimate experiences between me and Jamie with Greg there, all of the time. Constantly, the three of us, together.
We were all starting to feel homesick in the end, and a little irratable. Especially me, in the very end, driving through Edmonton before coming home, searching for an Ihops while there's multiple sections of road under construction. Jamie and her poor direction skills and GPS didn't help, and Greg wasn't even trying to be pro-active on the road map. Grrr, I was soooo frustrated, until we actually made it there. >:P
In the end, the best part of the trip was seeing Jamie smile, and knowing I was a part of that.
I'll probably add a second part to this entry with all the trip details.
It was a nice 4 day trip. A fantastic, awesome trip, but also a very chaotic adventure. My camping/traveling skills were extremely rusty, and neither Greg nor Jamie had any actual experiences to draw on.
We left on Monday, the last day of the September Holiday Weekend. You can imagine the amount of traffic we saw passing us, driving back the way we just came from. Very little inbound traffic for B.C..
This trip is important. It was Jamie and Greg's first time in B.C. as adults, and certainly all of our own firsts for being away on a trip without family. Jamie and me being family, err... that doesn't count. We didn't have anyone else looking after us, telling us what to do. Everything we did, we did for ourselves BY ourselves.
I wrote a fun little memoir to record most of our major experiences. I'm very glad I did. There was so many little events of importance that happened, that it would take a week or more to relate all the experiences to someone else. And it wouldn't be in chronological order.
We didn't end up sleeping in tents. We shared a single room motel for the first two nights, and a hostel for the third. 2 beds in each motel room. I slept on the floor each time, in a sleeping bag.
My sexual frustration for the entire trip was SKY HIGH. O_o
We drove down south to Calgary, then west to Banff. Stopping in Golden for the first night. Along the way there we stopped to check out the river in a few places, where it had raged through solid rock, making wonderful erosions and effects.
Entering B.C. is awesome. No longer are there short, stubby trees or yellow, burnt grasses. Trees are tall and plentiful, hugging the mountain slopes. Mosses, grasses, flowers, everywhere. We saw literally across the road from us: Mountain Goats, Black Bears, Falcons and Hawks, Hummingbirds, a White Chicken, what I believe was a Marmot, Deer, a momma Moose and her baby, Crows, millions of Butterflies and Dragonflies. I never once even got bit by a Mosquito or Black Fly.
The roads are exciting. Every angle you turn your head, there's a priceless view of the mountains and steep canyons, lakes, forests, and hidden flat valleys made into quaint farmsteads. There is no litter or rubbish on the road or in the ditches. The air is fresh and sweet smelling, like raw corn or cedar wood with lawn clippings.
We had so many stops and memories. I bumped Greg's car into the side of the ferry while I was trying to get off (I drove on a ferry!). We bought my mum a broom crafted in the store where the Harry Potter movie brooms came from. Jamie got her wish to pick live B.C. fruit (with special permission, I asked our motel manager), we ate at a truckers diner, explored a cave, swam in two different hot springs, saw all that wildlife, bought souveniers, went to where the Gondolas are north of Golden (they were closed, open only on weekends, our bad for poor timing).
All in all, we had just the right amount of vacation time and experiences. Any more or less would have ruined the trip.
Soooo many little events I can't even begin to post on here. Looking at my little memoir, I can't believe how much I wrote down, what we all did. It's crazy. I would do this again in a heartbeat... but I'm so poor, financially.
I didn't really have enough cash to go on this trip, but I'm so very glad that I did. I'm thankful to have had these experiences with Jamie.
I'm glad Greg was there to hang out with for this trip, but oh man. I wish he wasn't there for so many moments.
I know just how interested he is in her. Even though Greg is 'dating' some other random chick, he has no apparent interest in her. He's always had magnets in his eyes and face whenever it's concerning Jamie. In three-way conversations and interactions I constantly felt some 'rivalry' energy emanating from him. I think he suspects how I feel for her too. Well, let him know. I love Jamie as much as any other guy could love her. I'm not ashamed of it.
To put people at ease, let me clarify a fact. There was very little opportunity for one-on-one intimate experiences between me and Jamie with Greg there, all of the time. Constantly, the three of us, together.
We were all starting to feel homesick in the end, and a little irratable. Especially me, in the very end, driving through Edmonton before coming home, searching for an Ihops while there's multiple sections of road under construction. Jamie and her poor direction skills and GPS didn't help, and Greg wasn't even trying to be pro-active on the road map. Grrr, I was soooo frustrated, until we actually made it there. >:P
In the end, the best part of the trip was seeing Jamie smile, and knowing I was a part of that.
I'll probably add a second part to this entry with all the trip details.
Heading to B.C.!
Posted 14 years agoLeaving to B.C. on a trip with Greg and Jamie... leaving in just little over an hour!
Haven't been to B.C. in over two years, so I'm excited. Hopefully have a few comic ideas to draw for when I come back.
I'm pretty much the trip planner (yay for wild and reckless plans with very little coherence until the last minute!). Greg is 'The Ride'. Jamie is the high spirits and motivation.
Limited budget, no actual sit-down and planning time, rusty camping/travel skills... However, I'm gonna be with two friends <3 so I know I'll have a blast. Gonna take a lot of pictures too!
Looking forward to lots of por.... ART, when I get back. Yes, ART. Cya in a few days everyone. ^_^
Haven't been to B.C. in over two years, so I'm excited. Hopefully have a few comic ideas to draw for when I come back.
I'm pretty much the trip planner (yay for wild and reckless plans with very little coherence until the last minute!). Greg is 'The Ride'. Jamie is the high spirits and motivation.
Limited budget, no actual sit-down and planning time, rusty camping/travel skills... However, I'm gonna be with two friends <3 so I know I'll have a blast. Gonna take a lot of pictures too!
Looking forward to lots of por.... ART, when I get back. Yes, ART. Cya in a few days everyone. ^_^
Self-Made Wisdom
Posted 14 years agoYou can't draw outside the lines. Therefore, you can never make a mistake while drawing.
10 Day Meme Day Ten.
Posted 15 years agoDay One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
**Day Ten: One confession**
I can't really think of anything to confess about that I haven't already hinted at already through my art or earlier journal entries.
So, in light of this, you may ask me any question(s), my viewers, and I shall answer it honestly and fully.
Unless I decide the question is designed to hurt, or is in a position of immediately hurting, my loved ones. If it's something serious and potentially embarrassing to myself, I'll choose to still answer it completely, as long as it doesn't hurt those who I care about.
Ask away.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
**Day Ten: One confession**
I can't really think of anything to confess about that I haven't already hinted at already through my art or earlier journal entries.
So, in light of this, you may ask me any question(s), my viewers, and I shall answer it honestly and fully.
Unless I decide the question is designed to hurt, or is in a position of immediately hurting, my loved ones. If it's something serious and potentially embarrassing to myself, I'll choose to still answer it completely, as long as it doesn't hurt those who I care about.
Ask away.
10 Day Meme Day Nine.
Posted 15 years agoDay One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
**Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.**
Day Ten: One confession
1) ~_~
My frumpy/angry face, related to work issues.
I have huge ethical issues when it comes to co-workers who are unwilling to put forth any effort or sense of initiative and responsibility. I'm currently fighting with bosses, and (slowly) winning the battle of making some changes at the workplace. If you make a mess, and continue making a mess, you should pick it up. I provide the tools for people to clean up after themselves, because I am super busy and under-manned at work. Why is it right or fair for me to be unable to do my job, just because some lazy-ass associate makes a spill and can't clean it up themselves?
2) O_x
My shocked, half-dead face. Listening to Jamie explain about her First Aid course in her old super-hyper excited voice.
(Another course I'm paying for. Jamie is the only one to pay me back for these things. Her brother still owes me like $600.)
A day or two ago (confused, Graveyard Shift does that to you) Jamie randomly decided it was time to go take her Learners License Test.
I was up, chatting with her. She's shy, nervous, so she grabbed me along.
Walking together I motivated her, assured her about the test, reminded her about some things, and tried explaining the 'common sense' aspect of certain things, like why we turn the wheels certain ways while parking on hills, and the 'courtesy system' and how it applies to lane turning.
Inside the Insurance place I did the talking for her, set her up. sat and waited, made sure everything was cool for her. Trying to get her comfortable with the test and the whole experience.
Well...
She didn't pass. >_<
Apparently they put some questions pertaining to parental rights over applicants who may or may not be underage, and how they can affect the applicants rights in regards to gaining a license.
A little bit of common sense and problem solving, and she could have realized that a person becomes a legal adult at 18, and at that age a parent no longer has rights over a child. But, when you're super nervous, and Jamie, it's often easy too way over-read into an issue or problem, and make a very simple thing overtly confusing.
She'll try again on Monday, after the weekend. She'll pass, THIS time!
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
**Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.**
Day Ten: One confession
1) ~_~
My frumpy/angry face, related to work issues.
I have huge ethical issues when it comes to co-workers who are unwilling to put forth any effort or sense of initiative and responsibility. I'm currently fighting with bosses, and (slowly) winning the battle of making some changes at the workplace. If you make a mess, and continue making a mess, you should pick it up. I provide the tools for people to clean up after themselves, because I am super busy and under-manned at work. Why is it right or fair for me to be unable to do my job, just because some lazy-ass associate makes a spill and can't clean it up themselves?
2) O_x
My shocked, half-dead face. Listening to Jamie explain about her First Aid course in her old super-hyper excited voice.
(Another course I'm paying for. Jamie is the only one to pay me back for these things. Her brother still owes me like $600.)
A day or two ago (confused, Graveyard Shift does that to you) Jamie randomly decided it was time to go take her Learners License Test.
I was up, chatting with her. She's shy, nervous, so she grabbed me along.
Walking together I motivated her, assured her about the test, reminded her about some things, and tried explaining the 'common sense' aspect of certain things, like why we turn the wheels certain ways while parking on hills, and the 'courtesy system' and how it applies to lane turning.
Inside the Insurance place I did the talking for her, set her up. sat and waited, made sure everything was cool for her. Trying to get her comfortable with the test and the whole experience.
Well...
She didn't pass. >_<
Apparently they put some questions pertaining to parental rights over applicants who may or may not be underage, and how they can affect the applicants rights in regards to gaining a license.
A little bit of common sense and problem solving, and she could have realized that a person becomes a legal adult at 18, and at that age a parent no longer has rights over a child. But, when you're super nervous, and Jamie, it's often easy too way over-read into an issue or problem, and make a very simple thing overtly confusing.
She'll try again on Monday, after the weekend. She'll pass, THIS time!
10 Day Meme Day Eight.
Posted 15 years agoDay One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
**Day Eight: Three turn ons.**
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) Wearing a thin plain-style white cotton nightie that just barely hangs away from your skin, with just panties or nothing underneath.
Revealing enough natural curve, with a trace of flesh color from underneath, while still retaining 'modesty'. In just the right light or angle you can see the silhouette of the body underneath the cloth.
When young girls wear these things, I think it's absolutely adorable. When a young adult woman wears these things, it becomes highly symbolic of intimacy and sexual potential, and fires up my desire.
The ease of slipping up the night dress, to reveal the soft-skinned body below... Heee.
Many fantasies and experiences with nighties. It's a good thing. :3
2) Lots of attention, mixed with shyness and powerful interest.
When a girl likes you, a lot, and she's scared to reveal it directly, but shows obvious interest in you by hanging around and giving you lots of attention. I love it when girls act that way.
3) Teasing. Sexual teasing, like a slap on the butt with the fingers resting a little too long after, or a coy mooning or frontal flash.
When someone is feeling curious or sexual, and they approach the silent permission gap with sexual teasing, it breaks all barriers for me. In that instant I know what the other is thinking about, and who they're thinking about when they do it.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
**Day Eight: Three turn ons.**
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) Wearing a thin plain-style white cotton nightie that just barely hangs away from your skin, with just panties or nothing underneath.
Revealing enough natural curve, with a trace of flesh color from underneath, while still retaining 'modesty'. In just the right light or angle you can see the silhouette of the body underneath the cloth.
When young girls wear these things, I think it's absolutely adorable. When a young adult woman wears these things, it becomes highly symbolic of intimacy and sexual potential, and fires up my desire.
The ease of slipping up the night dress, to reveal the soft-skinned body below... Heee.
Many fantasies and experiences with nighties. It's a good thing. :3
2) Lots of attention, mixed with shyness and powerful interest.
When a girl likes you, a lot, and she's scared to reveal it directly, but shows obvious interest in you by hanging around and giving you lots of attention. I love it when girls act that way.
3) Teasing. Sexual teasing, like a slap on the butt with the fingers resting a little too long after, or a coy mooning or frontal flash.
When someone is feeling curious or sexual, and they approach the silent permission gap with sexual teasing, it breaks all barriers for me. In that instant I know what the other is thinking about, and who they're thinking about when they do it.
10 Day Meme Day Seven.
Posted 15 years agoDay One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
**Day Seven: Four turn offs.**
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
Only FOUR? There's so many though! >:O
1) I don't like certain personalities and mentalities.
Your thought processes might run on a completely different level than mine. In addition to having a completely alien view on the world, you're more than likely to upset me in a hundred million ways. You're also likely to have very little in common with me in the first place.
Personality mindsets I don't like include, but are not limited to:
-Dumb selfish blond.
-Arrogant narcissist.
-Social leech.
-The 'Alpha' and 'Bravo' male.
-Womanizer.
-Materialists who believe the ultimate goal in life is to have the biggest truck in the neighborhood.
2) Being excessively lewd, dirty, and bad.
Swearing, having sex for the sake of being bad, spitting, farting, or otherwise trying to be nasty and associate a perverted attitude that isn't a part of your normal attitude, all in an attempt to heighten sex.
If I'm with you at all, it's because I like the real YOU. I don't need a show, or a display of extreme vulgarity, to enjoy sex. It actually upsets me and makes me not interested anymore.
3) Angry sex.
If I'm being screamed at, smacked around, or forced against a wall too hard, I will definitely not be interested in sex or cuddling. My tail will be between my legs, and my heart and spirit will be running away.
Sex is meant to be fun and nice to enjoy. I don't associate anger, violence, or yelling with any of it, unless it's rape, in which case I want nothing to do with it.
4) No feedback.
Seriously, if you're just going to lay there like a piece of dead meat, I won't have fun.
You might be enjoying yourself, and you might still feel nice... But nothing makes me feel more insecure than a person who doesn't tell me if I'm doing well or not. I need your input, and I need the encouragement. I'm telling you what's nice and what's not nice, so please do the same.
Even if I'm not the best performer, tell me where I should focus on, or that 'mmm, that was nice...', or give me a pro-tip on how to make things better for you.
I want to walk away feeling like a man, not an inexperienced cub.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
**Day Seven: Four turn offs.**
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
Only FOUR? There's so many though! >:O
1) I don't like certain personalities and mentalities.
Your thought processes might run on a completely different level than mine. In addition to having a completely alien view on the world, you're more than likely to upset me in a hundred million ways. You're also likely to have very little in common with me in the first place.
Personality mindsets I don't like include, but are not limited to:
-Dumb selfish blond.
-Arrogant narcissist.
-Social leech.
-The 'Alpha' and 'Bravo' male.
-Womanizer.
-Materialists who believe the ultimate goal in life is to have the biggest truck in the neighborhood.
2) Being excessively lewd, dirty, and bad.
Swearing, having sex for the sake of being bad, spitting, farting, or otherwise trying to be nasty and associate a perverted attitude that isn't a part of your normal attitude, all in an attempt to heighten sex.
If I'm with you at all, it's because I like the real YOU. I don't need a show, or a display of extreme vulgarity, to enjoy sex. It actually upsets me and makes me not interested anymore.
3) Angry sex.
If I'm being screamed at, smacked around, or forced against a wall too hard, I will definitely not be interested in sex or cuddling. My tail will be between my legs, and my heart and spirit will be running away.
Sex is meant to be fun and nice to enjoy. I don't associate anger, violence, or yelling with any of it, unless it's rape, in which case I want nothing to do with it.
4) No feedback.
Seriously, if you're just going to lay there like a piece of dead meat, I won't have fun.
You might be enjoying yourself, and you might still feel nice... But nothing makes me feel more insecure than a person who doesn't tell me if I'm doing well or not. I need your input, and I need the encouragement. I'm telling you what's nice and what's not nice, so please do the same.
Even if I'm not the best performer, tell me where I should focus on, or that 'mmm, that was nice...', or give me a pro-tip on how to make things better for you.
I want to walk away feeling like a man, not an inexperienced cub.
10 Day Meme Day Six.
Posted 15 years agoDay One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
**Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)**
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) M Mothers' mother, Grandma Richey.
No other singular grandparent in ALL my family comes close in approaching her in spirit. She alone lives, really really LIVES her life, for herself and her family. Age does not hold her back. She'll continue to make jam every season, visit and work charity functions for her Eastern Star sorority (like working at Tea Sales and prepping meals for Meals on Wheels).
She's a life-long hockey fan, and her husband and her used to run the local private business skate sharpening shop in their garage, before they moved away. She has a strong spirit, dignity, nobility, but above all she still loves to have fun and be full of mischief. She loves me with unrivaled passion and eagerness, and likes to get hugs and kisses. When she's mad at you she'll use your first and middle name, that's when you know you're in trouble. :P
My grandma also 'loves' it when, every time we hug, I get a little impish on my own. I blow raspberries in her neck, making her squirm and giggle with glee. Heh heh.
2) My sister Stephanie. We're twins in spirit, separated by ten years difference. She's the outgoing, risk-taker half, and I'm the foundation and reserved side.
We've had a close and intimate relationship for years. We love each other unconditionally and without shame. We still fight, and everything isn't always perfect or happy between us. But we do depend on each other to always be a loving, understanding (sometimes difficult for her), and ready to forgive and forget when we're ready for it.
She has a cute, vibrant personality. She knows what she wants in life, and works for it, knowing that her big brother will be watching her back, even if he doesn't always approve of her choices. She can act sweet and goofy, switching to a raging bitch in a heartbeat. But always, always, when the blood cools back down, there is always love in her heart for me, the first man in her life.
3) My mother. She doesn't look strong. She's let herself go in a few ways. She can be ignorant at times, and just plain dumb. She can be whiny, needy, and twice as childish and goofy as my sister can act.
But my mother is very VERY strong. She's survived more than people could imagine.
She's taught me love and patience, forgiveness, joy, sorrow, helped me shaped my values and taught me how to see the world with my heart.
She's defended me, raised me, put me first and foremost in her life, took me in when I gave up on life and myself. Loved me despite all my horrible mistakes and failures. Is understanding of my social and ethical differences. Taught me how to live off of nothing and still find happiness to live another day. She taught me that there are things to look forward to, and we should never give up on ourselves or our loved ones.
She could easily have turned to hatred and bitterness, through all the abuses and horrors she suffered herself. Yet she chose to love. Like me, it's in our blood to do the right, and often very very hard, choices in the end. I love her, but sometimes... I really can't stand her, especially when she's having an ignorant day. >_<
4) Friend of the family, Craig.
He's my mothers' younger friend. He has been in my life since I was 4 or 5 years old. He's been a great friend for my mother. A real lover of life, he sees and enjoys humor, every day. Every time we have an outing with him, he's high energy, full of laughter, snickers, jokes, pranks... Oh yes, pranks. This man has Coyote Blood in him. His own personal life isn't always the best, but around us, he is the nicest prankster uncle-type you'd ever want to meet. He can be terribly sweet too. One time my mum was depressed, because my grandma no longer lives in town with us, and mum wanted to see her before it snowed (this happened a few weeks ago actually).
He called her up and asked her if she'd like to go down to Pinscher Creek. Mum said, 'Craig, I don't have a car, or money for gas!'.
Craig then asked her, 'How would you like it if I dropped off my car for the weekend, with a full tank of gas, and a $100 bill in the glove box?'. My momma cried at his selfless generosity, and I went with her to visit my grandma before it snowed.
A lifelong friend and honorary member of my family.
5) Jamie.
I have yet to find any single person more perfect than she is. She is my ideal woman.
She's also my future step-sister, and current honorary 'adopt-a-sister' in my life.
I've known her for about 10 years. She came into my life when my mother tired of all the abuses we suffered, and met Jamies' mother Kim.
Jamie is, and continues to be, an amazing, outgoing friend. She's sweet, playful, zany, whacko, loving, selfish, generous, calm, crazy... She's a whirlwind of emotion and energy, and you better watch out if you can't keep up. She's like the Pippi Longstocking of the world.
I'm in love with her, sure. Everyone who meets her falls in love with her and her raw spirit. But... we're in a joint family together, and stuck as siblings. Even knowing I can't have her, or be with her, I still love her as a very good friend and as a close future sister. I have a relationship as family with her, something very few people in this world will get the honor of having. I'm a man that she trusts, that she knows won't take advantage of her or hurt her intentionally.
I've enjoyed living with Jamie, working side-by-side with her in jobs that even typical guys couldn't, or wouldn't, tackle on. We've had our intimate moments, private memories, hugs and cuddles. I love every minute of it.
She's taught me how to just let go and be myself. She's made me do spontaneous things, like drive across the City looking for the only Burger King, just so she can have a paper crown to wear. She's made me embarrass myself and dance in public on those DDR pads with her. She's gotten me involved in her spontaneous skits and voice acting, in front of co-workers and such, where we carry on with imaginative tales or stories of absurdity, like how Dr. McCoy and Wilson got together and had to survive for a week on Tentacle Planet... things like that.
I've learned the kind of love that a man feels for a woman from her, and every day I continue to love her alone, in my heart, seeing the worlds most perfect woman come and go. She has inspired me to want to become a better man, to always want better things, and feel like I don't deserve to have to settle for less. She's taught me how fun it is to draw, to make purple penises out of Play-Dough, and how to let simple distractions (ooh, shiny things!) bring spontaneous humor and joy in ones' life.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
**Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)**
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) M Mothers' mother, Grandma Richey.
No other singular grandparent in ALL my family comes close in approaching her in spirit. She alone lives, really really LIVES her life, for herself and her family. Age does not hold her back. She'll continue to make jam every season, visit and work charity functions for her Eastern Star sorority (like working at Tea Sales and prepping meals for Meals on Wheels).
She's a life-long hockey fan, and her husband and her used to run the local private business skate sharpening shop in their garage, before they moved away. She has a strong spirit, dignity, nobility, but above all she still loves to have fun and be full of mischief. She loves me with unrivaled passion and eagerness, and likes to get hugs and kisses. When she's mad at you she'll use your first and middle name, that's when you know you're in trouble. :P
My grandma also 'loves' it when, every time we hug, I get a little impish on my own. I blow raspberries in her neck, making her squirm and giggle with glee. Heh heh.
2) My sister Stephanie. We're twins in spirit, separated by ten years difference. She's the outgoing, risk-taker half, and I'm the foundation and reserved side.
We've had a close and intimate relationship for years. We love each other unconditionally and without shame. We still fight, and everything isn't always perfect or happy between us. But we do depend on each other to always be a loving, understanding (sometimes difficult for her), and ready to forgive and forget when we're ready for it.
She has a cute, vibrant personality. She knows what she wants in life, and works for it, knowing that her big brother will be watching her back, even if he doesn't always approve of her choices. She can act sweet and goofy, switching to a raging bitch in a heartbeat. But always, always, when the blood cools back down, there is always love in her heart for me, the first man in her life.
3) My mother. She doesn't look strong. She's let herself go in a few ways. She can be ignorant at times, and just plain dumb. She can be whiny, needy, and twice as childish and goofy as my sister can act.
But my mother is very VERY strong. She's survived more than people could imagine.
She's taught me love and patience, forgiveness, joy, sorrow, helped me shaped my values and taught me how to see the world with my heart.
She's defended me, raised me, put me first and foremost in her life, took me in when I gave up on life and myself. Loved me despite all my horrible mistakes and failures. Is understanding of my social and ethical differences. Taught me how to live off of nothing and still find happiness to live another day. She taught me that there are things to look forward to, and we should never give up on ourselves or our loved ones.
She could easily have turned to hatred and bitterness, through all the abuses and horrors she suffered herself. Yet she chose to love. Like me, it's in our blood to do the right, and often very very hard, choices in the end. I love her, but sometimes... I really can't stand her, especially when she's having an ignorant day. >_<
4) Friend of the family, Craig.
He's my mothers' younger friend. He has been in my life since I was 4 or 5 years old. He's been a great friend for my mother. A real lover of life, he sees and enjoys humor, every day. Every time we have an outing with him, he's high energy, full of laughter, snickers, jokes, pranks... Oh yes, pranks. This man has Coyote Blood in him. His own personal life isn't always the best, but around us, he is the nicest prankster uncle-type you'd ever want to meet. He can be terribly sweet too. One time my mum was depressed, because my grandma no longer lives in town with us, and mum wanted to see her before it snowed (this happened a few weeks ago actually).
He called her up and asked her if she'd like to go down to Pinscher Creek. Mum said, 'Craig, I don't have a car, or money for gas!'.
Craig then asked her, 'How would you like it if I dropped off my car for the weekend, with a full tank of gas, and a $100 bill in the glove box?'. My momma cried at his selfless generosity, and I went with her to visit my grandma before it snowed.
A lifelong friend and honorary member of my family.
5) Jamie.
I have yet to find any single person more perfect than she is. She is my ideal woman.
She's also my future step-sister, and current honorary 'adopt-a-sister' in my life.
I've known her for about 10 years. She came into my life when my mother tired of all the abuses we suffered, and met Jamies' mother Kim.
Jamie is, and continues to be, an amazing, outgoing friend. She's sweet, playful, zany, whacko, loving, selfish, generous, calm, crazy... She's a whirlwind of emotion and energy, and you better watch out if you can't keep up. She's like the Pippi Longstocking of the world.
I'm in love with her, sure. Everyone who meets her falls in love with her and her raw spirit. But... we're in a joint family together, and stuck as siblings. Even knowing I can't have her, or be with her, I still love her as a very good friend and as a close future sister. I have a relationship as family with her, something very few people in this world will get the honor of having. I'm a man that she trusts, that she knows won't take advantage of her or hurt her intentionally.
I've enjoyed living with Jamie, working side-by-side with her in jobs that even typical guys couldn't, or wouldn't, tackle on. We've had our intimate moments, private memories, hugs and cuddles. I love every minute of it.
She's taught me how to just let go and be myself. She's made me do spontaneous things, like drive across the City looking for the only Burger King, just so she can have a paper crown to wear. She's made me embarrass myself and dance in public on those DDR pads with her. She's gotten me involved in her spontaneous skits and voice acting, in front of co-workers and such, where we carry on with imaginative tales or stories of absurdity, like how Dr. McCoy and Wilson got together and had to survive for a week on Tentacle Planet... things like that.
I've learned the kind of love that a man feels for a woman from her, and every day I continue to love her alone, in my heart, seeing the worlds most perfect woman come and go. She has inspired me to want to become a better man, to always want better things, and feel like I don't deserve to have to settle for less. She's taught me how fun it is to draw, to make purple penises out of Play-Dough, and how to let simple distractions (ooh, shiny things!) bring spontaneous humor and joy in ones' life.
10 Day Meme Day Five.
Posted 15 years agoDay One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
**Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.**
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) I turned away from my family when I was 17. During my mums divorce and separation with my step-dad, I should have stayed to help everyone out. It was one of the few times I was ever really selfish for myself. I moved away and lived with my grandparents. When I left I ignored the needs of my siblings who were suffering and as scared, if not more so, than I was.
2) I wish I never played my old online games obsessively, to the point where I ignored the attentions and needs of my siblings. I've wasted many years shutting out one world for another, and missed many great opportunities to be with great people because of it.
3) It was only after my step-grandmother died that I came to realize how selective and selfish I am at times. She loved me sooo much, and I didn't care. She was part of my repulsive (at the time) step family. She was senile, flamboyant, loud, kinda ugly, too affectionate, clingy... and instead of looking at the love she was freely offering me, I shut her out in anger and defiance. She had me selected as a Pal-bearer in her will to be at her funeral, and by then I HAD matured greatly since my angry/abused days as a child. She had stopped her full-scale efforts to be in our lives, so my defenses against her were non-existent. My mum reminded me of just how much she had changed from her early days as a parent to the love seeking, love sharing grandma that she was. I regret for shooting down her love for me and treating it, and her, like filth.
4) I regret the years of holding myself back from doing the things that I love or that might make me happy. Even with all the reasons behind them, many of them justifiably correct and still to be considered the 'right choice', I regret not living life for myself and making myself happy.
5) I wish I never destroyed my friendship with Jamie's old best friend. There had always been a 'rivalry' between us, despite him knowing that I would never risk scaring her away with the truth behind my feelings, and she would never choose him because of how 'just a friend' he was to her. When his attempts at gaining her attention rose, so did my bitterness and subtle hostilities. When she would turn from him towards me, I'd gush out with sibling affection, making him jealous and dangerously competitive. Who can count all the times he tricked her into giving him attention, or weaseling his way back into her life and on her buddy-buddy list.
Despite the fact that his romantic obsession with her was unhealthy and escalating to danger status, I did like the guy. We had many shared interests, and I usually felt comfortable when he came to be with me. He was outgoing and cocky, I was reserved and wise. We did compliment each other. It's a shame we became like to warring super heroes and villains in the end. His desperation level was finally at the dangerous 'potential rapist' level, and I had to very clearly point out all the signs I saw in him to her, even though for years she already saw many of them and was often frustrated from his unwanted advances. I didn't mean kill our friendship in the bargain, I just wanted to help Jamie from getting hurt. I am now blamed for everything that has gone wrong in his 'romantic life' with Jamie.
6) I regret losing faith in my brother Tony. During our mums' divorce, he became a very angry and confused little boy. He started to lash and act out, and he seemed to hate my mum for splitting apart the family. He kept doing things to make problems and issues for my parents at the time, including gaining visits from Child Services. It seemed that everything he did only compounded the already stressful issues we had at the time. I once had a very close and intimate relationship with my brother. Then I started to resent and even hate him for acting this way. I was young myself, and didn't have the patience or understanding to deal with these dramatic changes.
Tony is now a great guy, still with a lot of love in his heart, but for many years, right when he needed it the most, I gave up on him and denied him my love. I love my little brother, even though he's a little shit that walks in on me all the time now. >:P
Despite all these regrets, I've asked myself, would I change a thing if I knew what I know now back then?
Probably not.
All my pain and regret has shaped me into something, into what I am today. It's taught me how to endure hell, how to survive on minimal strength, and to maximize what little one has. I've learned to love for the right reasons, to see the need to foster positive growth, and encourage happiness and joy in our lives. I've seen that small happinesses are abundant in our lives, even if every single day is a living nightmare. I've seen how dark days can be overcome, and sometimes that a great sacrifice of security and complacency needs to be made. Great people have come into my life, people who hurt yet continue to love seek each other out. I've found substance in value in the things and people who matter the most to me. I've learned appreciation, patience, understanding, the need to change at times. I've developed forgiveness for those who I never knew could ever deserve it.
If my mum never suffered like the rest of us, she would never have found her current life partner Kim right now. I'd never have gained an even bigger family, or met Jamie and her awesome siblings. If my brother never became the black sheep due to our neglect, he never would have found his own spotlight and individual experiences where he could learn to find values on his own, and develop into such a great guy that he is today.
If I took away any of the pain and sorrow of my old days, what would that leave for today? A lack of faith in each other, a lack of cohesiveness and trust. We've all shared our lives, grown together, developed together. Our mistakes and grave errors are for the better, especially if we learn from them.
Yes, I regret, and wish things were different. But I wouldn't change any of it at all. I've grown a lot of love through all of that, and continue to do so. There's been a lot of hidden happy days in every day between mistakes. We can't look back on our failures and mourn for the past. We should look at them, learn from them, feel every raw emotion tied to those events, and continue to live and grow.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
**Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.**
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) I turned away from my family when I was 17. During my mums divorce and separation with my step-dad, I should have stayed to help everyone out. It was one of the few times I was ever really selfish for myself. I moved away and lived with my grandparents. When I left I ignored the needs of my siblings who were suffering and as scared, if not more so, than I was.
2) I wish I never played my old online games obsessively, to the point where I ignored the attentions and needs of my siblings. I've wasted many years shutting out one world for another, and missed many great opportunities to be with great people because of it.
3) It was only after my step-grandmother died that I came to realize how selective and selfish I am at times. She loved me sooo much, and I didn't care. She was part of my repulsive (at the time) step family. She was senile, flamboyant, loud, kinda ugly, too affectionate, clingy... and instead of looking at the love she was freely offering me, I shut her out in anger and defiance. She had me selected as a Pal-bearer in her will to be at her funeral, and by then I HAD matured greatly since my angry/abused days as a child. She had stopped her full-scale efforts to be in our lives, so my defenses against her were non-existent. My mum reminded me of just how much she had changed from her early days as a parent to the love seeking, love sharing grandma that she was. I regret for shooting down her love for me and treating it, and her, like filth.
4) I regret the years of holding myself back from doing the things that I love or that might make me happy. Even with all the reasons behind them, many of them justifiably correct and still to be considered the 'right choice', I regret not living life for myself and making myself happy.
5) I wish I never destroyed my friendship with Jamie's old best friend. There had always been a 'rivalry' between us, despite him knowing that I would never risk scaring her away with the truth behind my feelings, and she would never choose him because of how 'just a friend' he was to her. When his attempts at gaining her attention rose, so did my bitterness and subtle hostilities. When she would turn from him towards me, I'd gush out with sibling affection, making him jealous and dangerously competitive. Who can count all the times he tricked her into giving him attention, or weaseling his way back into her life and on her buddy-buddy list.
Despite the fact that his romantic obsession with her was unhealthy and escalating to danger status, I did like the guy. We had many shared interests, and I usually felt comfortable when he came to be with me. He was outgoing and cocky, I was reserved and wise. We did compliment each other. It's a shame we became like to warring super heroes and villains in the end. His desperation level was finally at the dangerous 'potential rapist' level, and I had to very clearly point out all the signs I saw in him to her, even though for years she already saw many of them and was often frustrated from his unwanted advances. I didn't mean kill our friendship in the bargain, I just wanted to help Jamie from getting hurt. I am now blamed for everything that has gone wrong in his 'romantic life' with Jamie.
6) I regret losing faith in my brother Tony. During our mums' divorce, he became a very angry and confused little boy. He started to lash and act out, and he seemed to hate my mum for splitting apart the family. He kept doing things to make problems and issues for my parents at the time, including gaining visits from Child Services. It seemed that everything he did only compounded the already stressful issues we had at the time. I once had a very close and intimate relationship with my brother. Then I started to resent and even hate him for acting this way. I was young myself, and didn't have the patience or understanding to deal with these dramatic changes.
Tony is now a great guy, still with a lot of love in his heart, but for many years, right when he needed it the most, I gave up on him and denied him my love. I love my little brother, even though he's a little shit that walks in on me all the time now. >:P
Despite all these regrets, I've asked myself, would I change a thing if I knew what I know now back then?
Probably not.
All my pain and regret has shaped me into something, into what I am today. It's taught me how to endure hell, how to survive on minimal strength, and to maximize what little one has. I've learned to love for the right reasons, to see the need to foster positive growth, and encourage happiness and joy in our lives. I've seen that small happinesses are abundant in our lives, even if every single day is a living nightmare. I've seen how dark days can be overcome, and sometimes that a great sacrifice of security and complacency needs to be made. Great people have come into my life, people who hurt yet continue to love seek each other out. I've found substance in value in the things and people who matter the most to me. I've learned appreciation, patience, understanding, the need to change at times. I've developed forgiveness for those who I never knew could ever deserve it.
If my mum never suffered like the rest of us, she would never have found her current life partner Kim right now. I'd never have gained an even bigger family, or met Jamie and her awesome siblings. If my brother never became the black sheep due to our neglect, he never would have found his own spotlight and individual experiences where he could learn to find values on his own, and develop into such a great guy that he is today.
If I took away any of the pain and sorrow of my old days, what would that leave for today? A lack of faith in each other, a lack of cohesiveness and trust. We've all shared our lives, grown together, developed together. Our mistakes and grave errors are for the better, especially if we learn from them.
Yes, I regret, and wish things were different. But I wouldn't change any of it at all. I've grown a lot of love through all of that, and continue to do so. There's been a lot of hidden happy days in every day between mistakes. We can't look back on our failures and mourn for the past. We should look at them, learn from them, feel every raw emotion tied to those events, and continue to live and grow.
10 Day Meme Day Four.
Posted 15 years agoDay One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
**Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.**
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) Jamie.
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie... Every fucking day for the past... since she was 17. For the past 5 years I suppose. /sigh.
It doesn't help me at all when everybody else is in love with her and constantly asking about her and how she's doing. Nor does hearing someone with her voice, seeing a funky hat in the crowd, old work clothes and coveralls, seeing her furniture and stuff in our storage... Constant, constant reminders.
2) Music.
I think about music a lot. I don't like listening to the radio, I can't wear an IPod when I'm in the mood for some tunes, and I hate the background music that plays from the computers and photo labs at work.
My mind is creative and marches to it's own beat. I block out everything at work with songs I like. Songs and tunes I created in my head, or annoyingly cute songs like 'I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas!'.
3) I think about my developing art, and related ideas for what I could draw. Comic and story ideas, things that amuse me or just HAVE to bubble out onto paper.
Writing is how I get my thoughts and feelings out. Drawing is how I'm able to share my interpretation with people, and sharing my art is allowing me to open up a new social world that isn't Dungeons and Dragons, or World of Warcrack.
4) Nostalgia.
Decorations or things at work remind me of this, or remind me of that. The Christmas ornaments are bringing back a whole bunch of childhood memories, mainly the fascination and magic with all the old expensive and shiny glass ornaments my grandparents used to have.
5) I think about myself a lot. I'm not suggesting that I'm vain, but I often dwell on my own accomplishments, inadequacies, my dreams, failures, goals, wishes, etc..
6) I'm usually angry. Or sad. Or both. Or feeling giddy and in love. Maybe happy and sad at the same time, in a bitter-sweet combination. Or perhaps I'm feeling happy to be man and emo. My current mood usually becomes an object to dwell on during my nights working, unless I distract myself with self-made music, broom-spinning, or drawing in the lunch room. People who distract me with idle chatter usually succeed, but when alone and thinking again, I go back to my thoughts on my feelings.
7) I think about how much I differ and stand apart from everyone else.
Usually it makes me sad, knowing I'll never really fit in with society. Sometimes I even wish I was like every other typical manly-man: obsessed with owning the best stuff, getting the biggest pay, beating everyone else in life, caring about being top-dog in the social ladder, and being selfish all the time. Then I think about how much I HATE those kind of people, and how I do kind of like being apart from them.
I wish I had more social acceptance so I could feel social freedom: it's hard to feel like I fit in when I constantly feel like I have to hide my thoughts, feelings, and ethics from the world.
Other things I think about are:
What it would be like to be a Daddy. It's one of my dreams and wishes, to be a loving Daddy. I have a terribly strong Paternal (maybe even Maternal?) instinct. I love kids, to death. I can't lie about this fact, and it's not stated to make all the girls go 'awww!' towards me.
Even tonight, at work, I thought about how cool it would be to grab my future wife and my kid, and do a random crafting art project together. I day-dreamed about making hand outlines in construction paper, then getting the kid to color rainbow stripes across it. Then to my kids amazement I cut the paper on the outline, freeing the 'hand' part. We then poked a hole, tied a string to it, put glue and glitter on the edges of the hand, and for Mommys' hand we added rhinestones for fingernails. All the while my dream childs' eyes were big with excitement and amazement, seeing the versatility and freedom of crafting things. So many elements were added to a simple art project, and in my dream I helped shape the beginnings of a young and confident future leader.
If I could change the rules and laws. There's lots of things I would change. Some selfish, but overall necessary, changes. Simple ones like letting people be together in love for the right reasons, regardless of our current social taboos. Changes regarding street laws. I'd make it so that roads are the same as railroads: the vehicles on them are big, heavy, and NOT going to stop for pedestrians who cross at non-designated crossing areas. Spanking rights balanced with rights of the child, and many anti-abuse programs that still allow discipline of a child without becoming abuse.
What my future house will look like. Lots of plans for that thing.
I think about my family a lot, my role in it, and all of our issues together.
That's usually it for general daily thought patterns. :3
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
**Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.**
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) Jamie.
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie... Every fucking day for the past... since she was 17. For the past 5 years I suppose. /sigh.
It doesn't help me at all when everybody else is in love with her and constantly asking about her and how she's doing. Nor does hearing someone with her voice, seeing a funky hat in the crowd, old work clothes and coveralls, seeing her furniture and stuff in our storage... Constant, constant reminders.
2) Music.
I think about music a lot. I don't like listening to the radio, I can't wear an IPod when I'm in the mood for some tunes, and I hate the background music that plays from the computers and photo labs at work.
My mind is creative and marches to it's own beat. I block out everything at work with songs I like. Songs and tunes I created in my head, or annoyingly cute songs like 'I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas!'.
3) I think about my developing art, and related ideas for what I could draw. Comic and story ideas, things that amuse me or just HAVE to bubble out onto paper.
Writing is how I get my thoughts and feelings out. Drawing is how I'm able to share my interpretation with people, and sharing my art is allowing me to open up a new social world that isn't Dungeons and Dragons, or World of Warcrack.
4) Nostalgia.
Decorations or things at work remind me of this, or remind me of that. The Christmas ornaments are bringing back a whole bunch of childhood memories, mainly the fascination and magic with all the old expensive and shiny glass ornaments my grandparents used to have.
5) I think about myself a lot. I'm not suggesting that I'm vain, but I often dwell on my own accomplishments, inadequacies, my dreams, failures, goals, wishes, etc..
6) I'm usually angry. Or sad. Or both. Or feeling giddy and in love. Maybe happy and sad at the same time, in a bitter-sweet combination. Or perhaps I'm feeling happy to be man and emo. My current mood usually becomes an object to dwell on during my nights working, unless I distract myself with self-made music, broom-spinning, or drawing in the lunch room. People who distract me with idle chatter usually succeed, but when alone and thinking again, I go back to my thoughts on my feelings.
7) I think about how much I differ and stand apart from everyone else.
Usually it makes me sad, knowing I'll never really fit in with society. Sometimes I even wish I was like every other typical manly-man: obsessed with owning the best stuff, getting the biggest pay, beating everyone else in life, caring about being top-dog in the social ladder, and being selfish all the time. Then I think about how much I HATE those kind of people, and how I do kind of like being apart from them.
I wish I had more social acceptance so I could feel social freedom: it's hard to feel like I fit in when I constantly feel like I have to hide my thoughts, feelings, and ethics from the world.
Other things I think about are:
What it would be like to be a Daddy. It's one of my dreams and wishes, to be a loving Daddy. I have a terribly strong Paternal (maybe even Maternal?) instinct. I love kids, to death. I can't lie about this fact, and it's not stated to make all the girls go 'awww!' towards me.
Even tonight, at work, I thought about how cool it would be to grab my future wife and my kid, and do a random crafting art project together. I day-dreamed about making hand outlines in construction paper, then getting the kid to color rainbow stripes across it. Then to my kids amazement I cut the paper on the outline, freeing the 'hand' part. We then poked a hole, tied a string to it, put glue and glitter on the edges of the hand, and for Mommys' hand we added rhinestones for fingernails. All the while my dream childs' eyes were big with excitement and amazement, seeing the versatility and freedom of crafting things. So many elements were added to a simple art project, and in my dream I helped shape the beginnings of a young and confident future leader.
If I could change the rules and laws. There's lots of things I would change. Some selfish, but overall necessary, changes. Simple ones like letting people be together in love for the right reasons, regardless of our current social taboos. Changes regarding street laws. I'd make it so that roads are the same as railroads: the vehicles on them are big, heavy, and NOT going to stop for pedestrians who cross at non-designated crossing areas. Spanking rights balanced with rights of the child, and many anti-abuse programs that still allow discipline of a child without becoming abuse.
What my future house will look like. Lots of plans for that thing.
I think about my family a lot, my role in it, and all of our issues together.
That's usually it for general daily thought patterns. :3
10 Day Meme Day Three.
Posted 15 years agoDay One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
**Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.**
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) Don't be afraid to dream big. Even if in your heart you know it's impossible, allow yourself the freedom to be whimsical and wishful, be creative and free.
2) Be slightly humble, but not defeated. Life can be mean at times, and if you have the maturity of realizing this, without losing your spirit and love of life, you earn my respect and heart.
3) A radiant personality. People who just exude wild charisma and the simple joy of living catch my heart. These people are often a whirlwind of attention and energy. They may not realize it, but they often make the world a much better place for family and friends, just by being themselves and in our lives.
4) Have your own goals and ambitions. Nothing is worse than having someone who can't be independent or possess their own aspirations.
5) Share some mutual interests. I may not like Yaoi. They may not like Furry. But if we both love Zombies, ice cream, back rubs, free rides, and working towards bettering each others lives, then we have something solid to start with.
6) Be strong and independent. I can't live your life for you.
7) Be weak and need me. I need to feel wanted and needed, if only for a cuddle or a shoulder to cry on, or an intimate service like a back rub or shower partner. I love to give advice and point out your strengths. I gain great pride knowing that I can be the first one you turn to when you need it.
8) Be yourself. Don't change for me, or for anyone else. Anger me, confuse me, exasperate me, embarrass me. Your faults and quirks make you the most challenging and interesting person in the whole world. If you stop being you, I might lose interest. You being true to yourself, regardless of how silly or childish or selfish it can be at times, makes you truly unique and special.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
**Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.**
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) Don't be afraid to dream big. Even if in your heart you know it's impossible, allow yourself the freedom to be whimsical and wishful, be creative and free.
2) Be slightly humble, but not defeated. Life can be mean at times, and if you have the maturity of realizing this, without losing your spirit and love of life, you earn my respect and heart.
3) A radiant personality. People who just exude wild charisma and the simple joy of living catch my heart. These people are often a whirlwind of attention and energy. They may not realize it, but they often make the world a much better place for family and friends, just by being themselves and in our lives.
4) Have your own goals and ambitions. Nothing is worse than having someone who can't be independent or possess their own aspirations.
5) Share some mutual interests. I may not like Yaoi. They may not like Furry. But if we both love Zombies, ice cream, back rubs, free rides, and working towards bettering each others lives, then we have something solid to start with.
6) Be strong and independent. I can't live your life for you.
7) Be weak and need me. I need to feel wanted and needed, if only for a cuddle or a shoulder to cry on, or an intimate service like a back rub or shower partner. I love to give advice and point out your strengths. I gain great pride knowing that I can be the first one you turn to when you need it.
8) Be yourself. Don't change for me, or for anyone else. Anger me, confuse me, exasperate me, embarrass me. Your faults and quirks make you the most challenging and interesting person in the whole world. If you stop being you, I might lose interest. You being true to yourself, regardless of how silly or childish or selfish it can be at times, makes you truly unique and special.
10 Day meme Day Two.
Posted 15 years agoDay One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now**
**Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) I, for fun, decided to measure my own (yoo-hoo!), because, really, what guy hasn't?
I am, (feel free to avert your eyes, I am a pervert, after all) ahem, I am 6 and 3/8th inches long, and 1 and 5/8ths inches wide.
According to a website on penises, the average size for a white adult male is 6.22 inches. How do you get a .22 in a fractional system?. O_o
2) I usually adopt my attitude in a group to fill a missing group personality. If the people I'm with are all sullen and held back, I become outgoing. If everyone is zany, I become the quiet observer.
3) I pee too often. It's difficult not to pee for me. Any water or fluids I drink just flows right through me. It really really sucks. I joke that it's cancer, but I think it's that I'm highly sensitive to the aggravation from having any amount of fluid in my bladder.
4) I wear socks in my sandals. In summertime and indoors.
5) I can, and do, giggle and blush. I embarrass easily, yet kind of enjoy it on some level.
6) I have a piercing! Left nipple, through the aereola. Currently a steel ring with a red transparent die (singular dice) in it.
7) I can never get enough of hugs and cuddle time. I always want close intimate hugs and kisses.
8) I've never ever had a wet dream. I've been pleasuring myself since I was five. Back then I'd lay on my belly, a hand or two cupped on the floor under my flaccid penis, and I'd just rock on it and get a wonderful sensation. I can remember my first ejaculation when I was around 11. I was leaning up against the edge of a washing machine, soft-rubbing without getting a full erection, and at climax watery fluid came out. After that it developed into semenal fluid, not just the clear stuff.
9) Despite low self confidence, I have a great deal of personal pride and, even though at times I deny it, a lot of self esteem. For a long period in my life, I had zero self esteem, so I know I've grown and come a long way.
**Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) I, for fun, decided to measure my own (yoo-hoo!), because, really, what guy hasn't?
I am, (feel free to avert your eyes, I am a pervert, after all) ahem, I am 6 and 3/8th inches long, and 1 and 5/8ths inches wide.
According to a website on penises, the average size for a white adult male is 6.22 inches. How do you get a .22 in a fractional system?. O_o
2) I usually adopt my attitude in a group to fill a missing group personality. If the people I'm with are all sullen and held back, I become outgoing. If everyone is zany, I become the quiet observer.
3) I pee too often. It's difficult not to pee for me. Any water or fluids I drink just flows right through me. It really really sucks. I joke that it's cancer, but I think it's that I'm highly sensitive to the aggravation from having any amount of fluid in my bladder.
4) I wear socks in my sandals. In summertime and indoors.
5) I can, and do, giggle and blush. I embarrass easily, yet kind of enjoy it on some level.
6) I have a piercing! Left nipple, through the aereola. Currently a steel ring with a red transparent die (singular dice) in it.
7) I can never get enough of hugs and cuddle time. I always want close intimate hugs and kisses.
8) I've never ever had a wet dream. I've been pleasuring myself since I was five. Back then I'd lay on my belly, a hand or two cupped on the floor under my flaccid penis, and I'd just rock on it and get a wonderful sensation. I can remember my first ejaculation when I was around 11. I was leaning up against the edge of a washing machine, soft-rubbing without getting a full erection, and at climax watery fluid came out. After that it developed into semenal fluid, not just the clear stuff.
9) Despite low self confidence, I have a great deal of personal pride and, even though at times I deny it, a lot of self esteem. For a long period in my life, I had zero self esteem, so I know I've grown and come a long way.
10 Day Meme Day One.
Posted 15 years agoMy friend 
aemi is doing this awesome Meme. I figured that this is a great game of 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine', so I'm playing along too.
**Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now**
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) I miss you old friend. I hope you're still role-playing as your Fianna Galliard. You were an excellent Best friend and adopt-a-brother for me, back when I needed it the most.
2) I hope you're comfortable with my art and my art themes. Some of it is highly personal and shocking to many people, but I hope you understand that everything I've done or continue to do is free of maliciousness and selfish intent.
3) You had many chances to be in my life, as a father figure. Now I'm all grown up, and you still think of me as that 10 year old boy from long ago. I love you, but I'll never need or feel comfortable with you in my day-to-day life. I grew up, and I think, you need to too.
4) You hurt all of us with your drinking. You're supposed to be an adult, a parent. Why won't you face your problems, instead of running from them day to day? Why don't you trust in your loving family to be there for you? We know you've been hurt in your past, but we will never hurt you. We love you, but we don't like you right now. Please help us help you get better.
5) There's more to life and relationships than playing your XBox and watching Anime together. You both need to prioritize and figure out what's important in your lives.
6) You piss me off when you act sneaky and try to be alone with my sister. I've been with her when you text her at 3am, and ask her to come back alone to your house after all your guests leave. She doesn't like you like that, so please, just back off. Forever.
7) I've been asking you to stop since I was five years old. Please, please, please, we're all tired of it. Please stop smoking.
8) D.D.R. is not a lifestyle: it's just a game.
9) Please, never NEVER stop loving and needing me in your life kiddo. You mean the world to me. You always have.
10) I wish I knew if you loved me as much as I love you. I'm in love with you, and if I had even a small inkling of a suspicion that you loved me the same way in return, I'd pound my chest, scream and whoop for joy, and challenge the world to question my feelings for you. I honestly am in love with you, and regardless of what the world says, I feel that real love is never, NEVER!, a crime.
aemi is doing this awesome Meme. I figured that this is a great game of 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine', so I'm playing along too.**Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now**
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) I miss you old friend. I hope you're still role-playing as your Fianna Galliard. You were an excellent Best friend and adopt-a-brother for me, back when I needed it the most.
2) I hope you're comfortable with my art and my art themes. Some of it is highly personal and shocking to many people, but I hope you understand that everything I've done or continue to do is free of maliciousness and selfish intent.
3) You had many chances to be in my life, as a father figure. Now I'm all grown up, and you still think of me as that 10 year old boy from long ago. I love you, but I'll never need or feel comfortable with you in my day-to-day life. I grew up, and I think, you need to too.
4) You hurt all of us with your drinking. You're supposed to be an adult, a parent. Why won't you face your problems, instead of running from them day to day? Why don't you trust in your loving family to be there for you? We know you've been hurt in your past, but we will never hurt you. We love you, but we don't like you right now. Please help us help you get better.
5) There's more to life and relationships than playing your XBox and watching Anime together. You both need to prioritize and figure out what's important in your lives.
6) You piss me off when you act sneaky and try to be alone with my sister. I've been with her when you text her at 3am, and ask her to come back alone to your house after all your guests leave. She doesn't like you like that, so please, just back off. Forever.
7) I've been asking you to stop since I was five years old. Please, please, please, we're all tired of it. Please stop smoking.
8) D.D.R. is not a lifestyle: it's just a game.
9) Please, never NEVER stop loving and needing me in your life kiddo. You mean the world to me. You always have.
10) I wish I knew if you loved me as much as I love you. I'm in love with you, and if I had even a small inkling of a suspicion that you loved me the same way in return, I'd pound my chest, scream and whoop for joy, and challenge the world to question my feelings for you. I honestly am in love with you, and regardless of what the world says, I feel that real love is never, NEVER!, a crime.
Working on it.
Posted 15 years agoI'm currently working on a character bio sheet. It's hard hard HARD! >:O
Aemi, my dear sweet artist friend, I don't know how people can draw all this detail from their own heads! I'm cheating, and using other character bio sheets as references when I draw. I hope that isn't too bad of a thing to do?...
I'm slowly working on this picture. I currently have an unfinished, poorly detailed start so far.
I'll color it, post it, and then if you want you can use me in your comics, as often as you like.
Thanks for being patient with my slow progress! I'm working on it!
Aemi, my dear sweet artist friend, I don't know how people can draw all this detail from their own heads! I'm cheating, and using other character bio sheets as references when I draw. I hope that isn't too bad of a thing to do?...
I'm slowly working on this picture. I currently have an unfinished, poorly detailed start so far.
I'll color it, post it, and then if you want you can use me in your comics, as often as you like.
Thanks for being patient with my slow progress! I'm working on it!
These damn link codes... >_>
Posted 15 years ago: icon username : (' icon username ') <- Space between :'s and words.
:icon username: ('icon username') <- space between words only, not the :'s.
: iconusername : (' iconusername ') <- space between the :'s but not the words. Pattern repeats below.
username ('iconusername')
: icon username aemi : (' icon useename aemi ')
:icon username aemi: ('icon username aemi')
: iconusernameaemi : (' iconusernameaemi ')
usernameaemi ('iconusenameaemi')
: icon aemi : (' icon aemi '(
:icon aemi: ('icon aemi')
: iconaemi : (' iconaemi ')
aemi ('iconaemi')
One of these damn codes should work. Like what the hell?...
Despite some private link tutorials, it isn't working.
I need a full User member code linked without breaks to 'get it'. I'd just substitute to ::::: parts with ''''' instead.
Sorry for the Journal Spam, but I gotta learn somehow. The Wiki is useless.
The Wiki only says ' You've gots to use the ' iconusername ' code, lolz!', without telling you HOW to work that code system. I'm not a forum programmer.
Alrighty, here goes... >_>
:icon username: ('icon username') <- space between words only, not the :'s.
: iconusername : (' iconusername ') <- space between the :'s but not the words. Pattern repeats below.
username ('iconusername'): icon username aemi : (' icon useename aemi ')
:icon username aemi: ('icon username aemi')
: iconusernameaemi : (' iconusernameaemi ')
usernameaemi ('iconusenameaemi'): icon aemi : (' icon aemi '(
:icon aemi: ('icon aemi')
: iconaemi : (' iconaemi ')
aemi ('iconaemi')One of these damn codes should work. Like what the hell?...
Despite some private link tutorials, it isn't working.
I need a full User member code linked without breaks to 'get it'. I'd just substitute to ::::: parts with ''''' instead.
Sorry for the Journal Spam, but I gotta learn somehow. The Wiki is useless.
The Wiki only says ' You've gots to use the ' iconusername ' code, lolz!', without telling you HOW to work that code system. I'm not a forum programmer.
Alrighty, here goes... >_>
Happy Halloween!!! >:D
Posted 15 years agoIt's my FAVORITE holiday of the year! Yes, HALLOWEEN!!!
I'm having tons of fun drawing and posting here on FurAffinity. I wish I had a scanner years ago, so I could have developed my budding skills much sooner. But, late is better than never.
I need to thank all my Watchers and Friends for the feedback and constructive criticism. Especially you Aemi. I appreciate your comments and pointers, and especially the Favorites. I know I'm not a Professional Artist, but I'm enjoying the journey, and loving loving LOVING the FurAffinity community.
I don't want to be too cruel and say that "At least MY art isn't as bad as so many others", but I do feel that at times. It certainly makes me feel less awkward and ashamed when I submit my less-than-perfect pictures.
This has been my confession for the day. *Nods*
I am dressing up as a Werewolf for Halloween! It has a rubber mask with fur, claw gloves, and a torn tunic to go with it. An excuse to go as a Furry in public!
We got our Halloween candy last night, and ran out this morning! We just got a second stash from the store, and are ready to issue out candy for the little ones tonight. I gotta keep my paws out of the candy bowl, huh? >_>
This is the first Halloween in a couple of years that I'll actually be able to attend. I'm glad I work Graves this year: I can do a normal Halloween evening before I go to work. I live for this kind of stuff, and if I can perpetuate the Spirit of Halloween in some kids' heart forever, I'll be the happiest Bear in the world.
Off to eat some more sweets! Halloween Apples, Mischief, and MORE!!! <3
I'm having tons of fun drawing and posting here on FurAffinity. I wish I had a scanner years ago, so I could have developed my budding skills much sooner. But, late is better than never.
I need to thank all my Watchers and Friends for the feedback and constructive criticism. Especially you Aemi. I appreciate your comments and pointers, and especially the Favorites. I know I'm not a Professional Artist, but I'm enjoying the journey, and loving loving LOVING the FurAffinity community.
I don't want to be too cruel and say that "At least MY art isn't as bad as so many others", but I do feel that at times. It certainly makes me feel less awkward and ashamed when I submit my less-than-perfect pictures.
This has been my confession for the day. *Nods*
I am dressing up as a Werewolf for Halloween! It has a rubber mask with fur, claw gloves, and a torn tunic to go with it. An excuse to go as a Furry in public!
We got our Halloween candy last night, and ran out this morning! We just got a second stash from the store, and are ready to issue out candy for the little ones tonight. I gotta keep my paws out of the candy bowl, huh? >_>
This is the first Halloween in a couple of years that I'll actually be able to attend. I'm glad I work Graves this year: I can do a normal Halloween evening before I go to work. I live for this kind of stuff, and if I can perpetuate the Spirit of Halloween in some kids' heart forever, I'll be the happiest Bear in the world.
Off to eat some more sweets! Halloween Apples, Mischief, and MORE!!! <3
