I know, it doesn't happen often. Past few years... well let's be honest, we all know how they've been. But there's a post, I'm still here, I know I'm not active on this site much but hey, I figure every once in a while have to get the dust out.

For 32 solid rotations hurtling thousands of miles per hour around a giant nuclear fireball I've managed to survive!

And my gift for myself is tonight is one more of two more nights at my job before I'm done with it. No longer shall I be a night walker but actually work in the day.

Though may the blessed lord of caffeine help me through the struggles of this change that shall be coming.

Okay, just started playing today, I know I'm late to the bandwagon.
Holy crap that game is fun.

Also yes, I'm still alive.
That is all.

Shamelessly stolen from  Lessthan3
Sarcastically answered by: Me.

Where are you staying?
Main Hotel

Who are you staying with?
Furs from KC Windwolf, Quinn, and Kirk

Day of arrival/Departure?
Wednesday/Monday

Transportation?
Driving

Who will you hang with during the convention?
Sooooooooo many people.

How can I find you?
That's a darn good question. I don't know anything about this hotel yet. Did I see something about laser tag? If so, there's a good chance that's where I'll be.

Will you be suiting?
The finance gods still have not blessed me with the ability to have one.

What’s your gender?
Guy

Are you taken? Are you looking for a mate?
Am not. Maybe, and you would be?

How tall are you?
6'0 to 6'2 depending on what gas station I'm exiting

Can I talk to you?
Here's the better question, can you get me to shut up?

Can I touch you?
Did you wash your hands?

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Pretty good chance, ask please

Can I visit your room?
Oh yea, I'm totally going to put a blanket invite on a journal right here. /s

Are you nice?
I try to be. Sometimes try harder than others.

Will you draw/do badges/do trades?
You obviously haven't seen my artistic skills.

Are you going to any panels/shows/dances/competitions?
Good chance. Depends on what catches my interest at the moment.

Can I give you stuff?
Why would you? Are the cops after you?

Do you smoke/do drugs/vape?
I like booze. Smoke so rarely I could just put I don't. Drugs, don't be near me with them, I have to answer to three letter organizations and I prefer plausible deniability.

Can I buy you a drink?
There's a very very very good chance the answer to this is yes.

Will you be going to parties?
If I'm invited, really good chance of it.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Semaphore

What/where will you be eating?
Wherever food is available. Though at one point I plan on making a pilgrimage back to Ida Claire

Can I come with you for food/fun?
Do I know you? I mean, for five minutes at least? Very good chance, ask me at the time?

Can I take your picture?
Have you seen me? Why would you want to? ಠ_ಠ

My body is ready!

Yea, I've vanished and figured I should update since the last post was an MFF one from last year. Whoops.

Life has been going at a steady pace, which means for whatever reason I'm having trouble keeping up with it. After TFF my health kind of dipped but that's dealt with, I've got a new job with hours that I actually like and is the best paying I've had so far. And finally I just bought a car so I'm not worrying about my vehicle exploding under me (though now for the first time I've gotta deal with payments. Whole new world for me. XP)

I'm fighting to get my life in some semblance of organized and together, but not really all that successful, but I'll keep muddling on. Just wanted anyone who might be paying attention that I do in fact still exist.

-Azal

Where are you staying?
Con Hotel

What day are you getting there?
Wednesday

How are you traveling?
Driving

Who will you be rooming with?
Good friend I haven't seen in a while, another I've gotten to meet at cons before, and someone new.

How is the best way to find you?
Text me or message me on Telegram, I'm on both the Main MFF and dirty chat.

Are there any panels you might be attending?
Looking at a few, will update as I find them.

What do you look like?
Brown hair and beard. Most likely hair won't be combed worth a damn.

Will you be suiting?
I'm exactly one fursuit short of actually having a fursuit.

Do you do free art?
If I do art it's about what it's worth ^^;;

Do you do trades?
See above.

Do you do badges?
^

What is your gender?
Male.

How tall are you?
6'0 to 6'2" depending on what gas station I'm leaving.

Can I talk to you?
No! I go to a con to be a hermit and not be around people! (this is a lie.)

Can I touch you?
If you want to.

Can I visit your room?
Only by invite.

Can I buy you drinks?
Hi new friend!

Can I give you stuff?
Can I imagine this happening? No. But would I say no to this? No.

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Very good chance of that.

Are you nice?
I certainly hope so.

How long are you going?
Weds-Mon

Do you have an artist table?
Negative

Will you be going to parties?
If invited!

Will you be performing?
I swear that's not me on youtube!

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Calling my name. Telegram. Putting beer in my hands. causing a commotion. fireworks. semaphore.

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
First time at this con. NO IDEA!

What/where will you be eating?
I am in Chicago, I know I'm at least getting Pizza

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc.?
Good chance of it, just ask. Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?

Can I look in your sketchbook?
If I have it on me.

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
^

Can I take your picture?
Why? Who do you work for? I swear I'm not on any lists!

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Have fun?

Today, I hit the 3 decade mark. It's one of those I take a bit to look back at life and honestly go "What the hell?" I'll be honest, the me 10 years ago wouldn't recognize me now, yet I'm still on the can't figure out exactly what I should do to make a living, jumping from career to career. I'll admit, in this time I have less an idea of who the hell I am than at 20, the last decade has been rather rough emotionally.

But also, the last decade is where I met the people I'm closest to. I hear so many horror stories about peoples roommates, and I continue to have amazing luck with them, that they become the people that know me best, to be topped that just a week before today, I moved to a townhouse with my current roommate and his mate who are fantastic individuals who their support has been some of the best help since I moved to my current city, one that all my college friends would have thought I would have moved away from by now, but I have found I like this city. Also, despite finding furry in my teens, I hadn't met face to face my first furs since until I was in my 20s, meeting the people in NARFA and attending my first con, two trends that has led me to all but a couple of my closest friends ranging across the country and being in an amazing community. And of course since the beginning, I have been lucky to have the most supportive parents.

So have I been in a panic that I'm turning 30 today? Yes, despite it being a number, the human condition of noticing patterns views this as a massive day and I worry I haven't accomplished enough up until now. I worry I've allowed my depression to take hold far too much. However, I also have plans from here forward I hope to accomplish, and my friends have a plan for the day for me despite finding out about it last second (to be honest, I forgot about it until last week >_>;;) I hope I can make the next decade, when each time years seem to be speeding faster, count.

TLDR: Birthday, emotions across the board with memories, but you all are amazing people, thank you for being in my life.

So, moved to a new place. Worn so very out. But roommate and I decided it was time to get a new spot. This townhouse is very big, where we have a spare bedroom, garage, and unfinished basement (EEEE! Workshop!) It's been a busy month. Just giving an update here.

So I have a Furry Network I'm getting moving on. It's same as here, just Azal.

But I'm not going anywhere either. As so far I'm watching this last FA debacle the same way as the last one, with a bowl of popcorn watching the drama/exodus, waiting to see who all comes back. FN just looked neat and I decided to give it a shot ^^

Picked up from   LunoVulpes

Texas Furry Fiesta!

Q: Where are you staying?
A: At the Con Hotel

Q: When will you be arriving and leaving?
A: Arriving Thursday and Leaving Monday.

Q: Who will you be rooming with?
A: Couple of friends

Q: Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
A: That's a good question. I am not one for sitting still

Q: What/where will you be eating?
A: I WILL get food truck this year!

Q: Will you be having a room party?
A: That'd be a negatory

Q: Will you be drinking and/or getting drunk?
A: Why is the floor shifting?

PERSONAL STUFF:

Q: What is your gender?
A: Male

Q: How tall are you?
A: 6'0" to 6'3" depending what gas station I'm running out of.

Q: If I approach you, will you chat with me?
A: Sure. Now ask if you can shut me up.

Q: If I see you, how should I get your attention?
A: Are you asking for good sort of attention, or bad sort of attention? (Seriously, Hi works. I don't know anyone who doesn't use this as a good method to get attention)

Q: How many furry conventions have you attended?
A: I stopped counting... 10?

Q: Do you own a fursuit?
A: Negative

PERMISSIONS:

Q: Can I hug or snuggle with you?
A: Yay hugs!

Q: How can I find you?
A: Have you seen my skull mask? Because I'm likely to be wearing that.

Q: Can I look in your sketchbook?
A: If I have it on me

Q: May I buy you drinks?
A: <3

Q: May I take your picture?
A: I have been known to make cameras spontaneously combust.

MISCELLANEOUS:

Q: Do you do do free art, trades, commissions, badges?
A: Do you like stick figures?

Q: Do you have a table in the Artist Alley / Dealer's Den or a panel in the Art Show? If so, what are you selling?
A: Negative

Q: Do you plan to volunteer?
A: Nyet

Q: What's your goal for the con this year?
A: Not be stressed out?

I hope to see you all at TFF! Looking forward to it.

The snark in this journal has been brought to you by vodka.

Have to be up in 5 hours for work. This consistently earlier in the morning every morning shit work does is seriously wearing me down, much less the consistent 12 hour work days. When it began, I was told this was temporary. Half a year later we had 2 more join the position, nothing changed. They left nothing changed. Now I have four others in the same role as I am and I'm still doing the same damn thing.

This is frustrating because while I can ask for a day off every once in a while, I can't do anything consistent to work to better myself. Classes, as if that can possibly happen. Hell, gave up on seeing a therapist on depression because my schedule was such a random button I couldn't get an appointment. And the whole part of they get upset if you don't ask for time off in advance, but I don't usually know my schedule until the week before.

Seriously, how the hell do I find these jobs? How do I constantly keep getting more, significantly more, hours than my peers or anyone else I work with even when I don't particularly want them? Is the only way to escape them to finally give up the ability I've had to get up every day and drag myself in even when I don't have the energy to go to the store to get food for myself? Accept that I've fucked something dramatic up and put myself in a bad place? I don't know anymore...

I'm trying to get some uploads of my artwork that I've received. Yea... I've been missing for a while, I just hope I get moving again.

So. I know I've been gone for quite a while. I figure I should update what's been happening.

Job hasn't slowed down any. Been ridiculously busy. But that's not the full reason.

I noted hours lost... hours that I could have things done. Yes, long work days make it difficult to be energized to work, but I should by far have more time to actually get things done. But I notice chunks of time just go missing from an inability to motivate myself. Where it's frustrating is not only have hobbies slipped, but like even logging on here to get things done... I just didn't get it done. Even worse... When I think I need to come on here and get things done, I get a stack of all the things in mind that needs to happen... I just stop. =_= *shrugs*

I have finally been talked into seeing a therapist. I don't know where that's going yet... but I'm doing it. I'm also getting small motivations. I would say in the past week I've been feeling better but I'm always afraid to actually say such. I've gotten some things cleaned around my apartment, but I'm waiting for it all to fall apart again.

That said. I'm going to try to get all that I have uploaded up soon. I'll try not to disappear again.

So FA was sold to IMVU. I am not seeing the doom and gloom for this. It can be good for the site to have a source to upgrade it. Seems like the choice wasn't made lightly, trying to avoid someone who will gut the sight. That said, the decision was made in January and it is March when we hear of this… that is troubling.

I've been through a few of the great furry migrations on FA and generally responded with a "meh", yea I have a Weasyl, but never really moved. I am still planning on looking at this change with the same "We'll wait and see" approach but I think I'm going to take a more movement based approach with the lack of news. This way if the site goes down, you can find me.

That is to say if I do anything with them. As many of you know, in my emotional standpoint, I barely have enough energy to take care of things on this one social network, much less multiples.

But other places to find me
Weasyl: https://www.weasyl.com/~azal
Twitter: Azal_R75

This post is supposed to be a TFF Recap. But a few weeks out, I think I'm a little late on the draw. I probably should explain what's been going on since I last posted here.

I'll begin with job. It's tangible and easy to explain...
I've still not gone back to finish training. Work has gotten fantastically messy. The other MUA I mentioned, he had to go for two weeks, leaving me as the only one when his child was born. That was expected. What wasn't expected was immediately a week after he came back, he got offered a job with the railroad. So basically I am now the sole of my position in my region. We have another in training, but it's still going to be a few weeks before I see him come out of training. Boss is trying to keep me up. Says that if I need help to tell him, but I'm not good at that. I mean I like the guy, he's the reason I haven't just said "fuck it" and ran, but as I even explained to him, I've had a bad history with bosses being jerks so It's tough for me to think of going to them for support. I keep trying to keep it in mind, but like today I worked a 13 hour workday.... I'm just getting tired.

On the less tangible side... I've kind of been in a shutdown too. Days where I do get off early, where I should be getting stuff done, I don't. I sit. I just exist. There are times I break away from it and meet people, but they're more the rarity than the norm. I've been told by a couple people to see a doctor about depression, but I've tried before, I am terrified of meds, and plus with my CDL I don't know if I can take anything. I realize these are all excuses to explain away why I don't work up the courage or willingness to go. I admit I don't want to do this by myself...


I've tried to ignore it. I can be happy in crowds, at times, etc. It's possible. But I felt it a couple days ago where I was having a good day, a happy day, but the best way I can explain is feeling at the edge of my vision is a black haze of it all coming back. *shrugs* I know that when these times come, I just can't even bring myself to coming on here to type these out, to interact or even have a presence.

I just felt you guys needed an explanation where I've been. Why I take so long to respond to things. I do have some people trying to help me through it, so don't get me wrong in thinking I don't have anyone to talk to about all this.

-Azal

Stolen from  animecat

Where are you staying?
Main con hotel!

What day are you getting there?
Thursday afternoon hopefully.

How are you traveling?
4 wheeled apparatus

Who will you be rooming with?
A canid and a feline.

How is the best way to find you?
Bacon makes a good bait. So does booze.

Are there any panels you might be attending?
I'm a panel geek. So yup

What do you look like?
6'0" heavy build. Going to try to run black and white in occurrence in the theme of the year. Trying to figure that part out.

Will you be suiting?
Same answer as always. I am exactly one suit short of having a suit.

Do you do free art?
All the free stick figures that you want.

Do you do trades?
You will trade for an original stick figure?

Do you do badges?
Made of post-it notes

What is your gender?
Man

How tall are you?
6'0"

Can I talk to you?
NO! I HAVE COME TO A CONVENTION SO THAT I CAN LURK IN THE SHADOWS AND BE ANTI-SOCIAL!!! (Yes. Do be aware, I speak only in fluent sarcasm ;) )

Can I touch you?
I think I need an adult...

Can I visit your room?
Kind of not the prime person of the room, so really doubtful

Can I buy you drinks?
Who are you special person?

Can I give you stuff?
I do accept bribes.

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Do I know you?

Are you nice?
I try to be.

Do you have an artist table?
I don't have talent in art... so that's a no...

Will you be going to parties?
Hopefully, maybe. Depends on if I don't get distracted on the way.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Azal. Or Az. Or Hey you. Or FOOD!

Where will you be most of the time during the day(s)?
Wandering. I don't stay still well =P

What/where will you be eating?
Where there is food. I honestly haven't decided in what I want for dinner tonight o.O

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
That would be awesome!

Can I look in your sketchbook?
Sure

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
Just ask!

Can I take your picture?
>_>
<_<
why would you want a picture of me?

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Have fun, chill out after this stressful year. See friends I don't get to see normally. That sorta thing.

I am writing this journal, no real idea where to start. A lot of it I've said in journals past, a lot of it is probably said before and common knowledge, some of this won't make any damn sense to anyone. Lots of changes, not just in location, occupation, but also a crap load of mental stuff too.

So any of you following know that I've moved. I was called for the job interview on the way to Oklacon, went to the job interview the day after Oklacon, accepted the day after, and was beginning my job in less than two weeks. After that two weeks I was sitting in a hotel in St. Louis for a month. That was training to be a part of the Red Cross as a phlebotomist. Had the single most stressful teacher I had ever encountered in ANYTHING I've ever done... all of us in the class were starting to doubt ourselves, but we got through. While in StL, I found my apartment in Kansas City completely site unseen, basically had entire personal breaks where I ended up learning much about myself... not sure what to do with a lot of it still, and worked through some self realizations, those... I might share later. I don't really know yet.

Thanksgiving was a mass of activity, basically outran snowstorm to Arkansas, grabbed pretty much a good chunk of my room, and moved straight up to Kansas City to an apartment I never saw before. Third story walkup... not my best plan. But the apartment doesn't suck, and work is just across the street. Went into training for my job with the on the site trainer, who was so much better than the teacher in StL. Also when I moved, I was greeted that first night by Fire Tyger and Pups here in KC. The weekend times hanging out with them has been a major point of what has kept me sane.

Very soon after I was let go solo here at Red Cross, during this time I was supposed to only be doing phlebotomy, the other MUA (my job description) quit. This put us down to one other MUA, so basically I no longer was doing the training process but working full time at this other job. Really was a no choice on all fronts, apparently I'm pretty much a unique case in the nation (Yes... I am a special fucking snowflake. yippee.) So now while the other two I trained with are going back to StL on Sunday to finish up their training, I'm going to be running other work until undetermined time comes that they can actually do the same with me. Yay.

Socially I've been getting to know the KC furs. Spending a lot of time running about in the KC region, but hwen not with them, actually spending a lot of time in my apartment, which is frustrating. This is a city, I should be out and about but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. It doesn't help that while I could instantly get an understanding of StL, KC is a confusing city for me to navigate and I get frustrated easily.

Mentally, I've been facing a lot of changes and realizations about myself, many I don't even know where to begin on how to express them. One of the biggest is the fact that I have fallen in love with someone, though while that's normally happy news, this one is a bit of an interestingly difficult feeling for me. I won't even go into the parts of why I can't just "Go for it" that so many people encourage, but the biggest part is this is a major emotion which really any strong emotions I've not had a lot of good experience in dealing with. Thankfully the individual I'm speaking of is helping me through it and understanding, but it's still a bit of a difficult feeling.

That... is what I can think of to post in this single point. Here I am. Now to figure out the big question of what's next.

This is the last post on my pc before I shut it down. Don't know when I'll have a desk and such to set it all back up on. I was in town for a day, and tonight filling a uhaul, tomorrow I'll be at my apartment in KC. See you all when I get back around.

Alright, so Thanksgiving will be when I'm making my pilgrimage to Kansas City from St. Louis, and it looks like I might have found an apartment, and seeing if any KC Furs have any thoughts.

I found the Del Monte and the Westport Central, both of which are on the 200-400 block of W. Armour Blvd and was looking at going to one of those, as they are within walking distances for my work. Is there any thoughts on those areas? Any other ideas? I looked at those as they are studios so without a roommate I can afford to move in to them.

Thanks for any info my way.

Well. I'm here in St. Louis. I can see Union Station right outside of my windows. I will be in and out of it until Thanksgiving where I will be moving to Kansas City. I start training tomorrow right down the road. I hope I'm ready for this.

I know actually, really, the job is something I'm ready for. I can do this. I've done more, and I am sure *knocks on wood* I've done worse... so much worse.

Just honestly, I'm out of all familiar territories for me, and away from all familiar people. I know I have friends in these areas, but I understand these are peoples who's lives have been completely separate from mine except for quick conventions, I'm scared of causing them troubles.

I explored St. Louis today, and a lot of it is familiar, but last time I was here was probably about a decade ago. I found some familiar places... But man, places like Union Station, right in the nostalgia. It's a shell of what I remember of it.

Well... lets see if I can just get over the jittery I've been having for this move. This is the update. Be well all.

Woah. Things just changed -FAST-

I got the job. I will be part of the Red Cross. But here's the caveat. I am traveling to St. Louis and starting full time training one week from Monday. Then after a few weeks of training, will go back and forward between there and KC until fully trained (12 weeks) then I'll be moved full time into KC.

o.o

I gots lots to do to get that ready... so... guys, if I vanish for a bit, you know what's going on, you know the panic, and I -will- be back. Please be patient. ^^;; thanks.

Alright, Just got back from Oklacon, and had a great time. I actually relaxed for once in my life. Which is good because I get home and immediately go back to ball of stress! YAY UNHEALTHY HABITS! ANYway... lets go over the con first. I'm going to avoid shoutouting this because... well dear lord I'd just make the journal "And there's this one and this one and this one" I love all of you!

Dear lord, I need to actually start uploading pics from my sketchbook as I've not done that yet. But I've gotten more art commissioned this Oklacon than I've done at any other fur con. It's really a special kind of awesome. I love having a sketchbook now to hand people and have them draw. It's great just to say "Do what you think is good" and seeing what people do. (Though it grows more and more a book that I need to make sure won't be picked up randomly by those who don't know about it <_<;;) What was really awesome too is getting to sit and build a character with Seagull Prophet that was literally no more than a text character for an RP (I so can't wait to for him to be a badge buddy!) So much geeking out that night.

My lord the food. Between campfire "Hey we have food" and the GOH meal... Oooooohhh it was all good. Corsi does so many amazing things over a campfire. However, the GOH dinner... I specifically have to bring it up. They had this honey butter... *drooooooool* Our table got to be known for fighting over it and wanting more. When it was put on corn on the cob, I think I needed some private time. It also was a hilarious meal as thanks to Daxter we got to be -that- table, with all the chanting we did. Nothing was funnier than after we had the whole room going "Bring us cheesecake! Bring us cheesecake!" the kitchen chanted back "Hold your horses! Hold your horses!"

I attended a few events but was mainly there for chilling. However, big item of note, I got into the geocaching event. It is pretty fun, first time with that event. Was mainly working with a group, which was necessary as Two Tails is an evil person in his hiding things. But I had to drop out before finishing as I stood up at one point and hit my head on a tree. Noticed I was bleeding a bit. So response was to walk to the A-Frame "Okay guys, don't freak out but I need to go see first aid" though thankfully my face wasn't as covered in blood as I thought it was... not too much panicking over the tiniest head injury.
Later though, never could get anything in an auction, but was so lucky that in the raffle I managed to win two Hansa plushes, a fox and a wolf (Guys, I only bought five tickets! =) )

Trip there and back was all sorts of fun and interesting. Special call out to Yetteo for driving/putting up with me, Drumming Raccoon, and a husky that felt any time over an hour in a car was waaaaaaaaaaay too long. On the way there I got to go to one of those places I've always desired to see... a Route 66 icon Pop's. Seriously, all the soda. Had to get sodas for the trip there. Then on the way back we stopped again there with Rinzy and Kaitos to eat. Pure win.

All this is stream of consciousness thinking on the con and as always, I didn't even scratch the surface of what all I did there and what all went on. I enjoyed it.

Now as to the update part and the new mass of me going insta-stress. On the trip there I got a call from the Red Cross where I have to be at a job interview in KC tomorrow at noon. Have to be at work the next day. I -WANT- this job. I know furs in KC, I love KC. This is the sort of thing I actually got my CDL for (I'd be driving a blood drive truck and also getting the blood). That said... I'm straight up scared of this interview. I'm just afraid I'd go 3 hour drive, humiliate myself in an interview that won't last half an hour and drive that back tail between my legs. I know... I am going to try, but man this is one of those stress moments. Yea. I don't know how to calm -at all-.

So yea, I should probably wind down... early morning tomorrow. Later guys.

So... I'm going to Oklacon. Anyone else going? Also, is anyone else passing through Northwest Arkansas or close by? Because I'm willing to rideshare one way or the other because I -REALLY- don't want to make that drive again by myself XP.

Basically got the days off and thought WTF, get a furry con in when I can! =^^=

Exactly what it says on the tin. Lets get the birthday message off the front page, it's passed.

Ask me questions, it's a TMITuesday. If there's anything you wanted to know about me, now's the time I want to know.




_______
The aforementioned poster makes no promises that all answers will be in a serious manner. Terms and conditions apply. If symptoms continue after 5 days you're boned. All rights reserved.

Just turned 28.

I really need to stop cross classing.