Title says it all. Going to work on being more efficient art-wise, since it usually takes me between a week to a month to finish a picture that shouldn't take more than a few days. To people I've promised art (*cough cough  Sarsaparilla_Dealer), I offer my sincerest apologies.

I've been having troubles coping with my emotions lately. Usually I try to mask them to protect myself and those around me, but lately that's become more challenging. Earlier today I found myself sitting outside in the rain, and for the first time in quite a while, crying. Maybe it's a result of losing one of my closest and only friends recently. Maybe I've just been feeling too stressed out lately. Maybe it's a side effect of sleep deprivation. Maybe it's the overwhelming number of negative thoughts that pass through my head as a result of self-loathing and paranoia. Maybe it's something else entirely. I could list hundreds of potential causes of my depression, but that's not really the point. Sometimes life deals us a shitty hand. Sometimes it feels like the world has turned its back on us. But if I've learned anything from my relatively limited time on Earth, it's that we have to work with what we're given, regardless of how unfair it might seem. I know that might sound conceded coming from me, a privileged middle-class american, but we all face hardships in our own way. In my case, I've had to deal with rejection my entire life. It's seems that invariably, no matter what I do and how I act when meeting new people, they will prematurely decide I'm not someone worth getting to know, or evening treating with an ounce of respect. They label me as a weird nerd that doesn't mind being treated like garbage, just because I'm different. To those people I have one thing to say: "You're right". I am weird. I am a nerd. I am different. And I'd rather be the weirdest, nerdiest, furriest 'faggot' that ever lived than be anything like those people.

Maybe this is just a phase in my life that'll pass. Maybe I'll be feeling normal again by tomorrow. I suppose I'll just have to wait and find out. If you read through this entire journal then I applaud your endurance in the face of angst.

Came out to my parents today. They didn't seem to care much, which I suppose is a good thing. Nothing else noteworthy has been going on in my life (or lack thereof), aside from trying to improve my artwork and removing most of the old rubbish on my page I'll try to keep the immeasurably small number of people who read these updated on what's been going on with me.

Perhaps the title's a bit over dramatic. The point of this journal is more for me to vent than anything else. I have no expectations that anyone will be reading this, though I appreciate you taking a moment of your time if you are. Lately I've been feeling isolated, unfulfilled, and quite frankly like my existence has no point. No, I am not suicidal, nor has the thought of taking my own life ever occurred to me in the slightest, but recently I've had a lot of stress put on me, and feeling like I have no friends doesn't help. Even when I do decide to occasionally open up to someone and tell them how I feel, I can tell that they don't and can't truly understand. Throughout my whole life I've felt like I'm an outsider, and that no matter where I am or who I'm with I don't belong. To anyone who has read this entire journal, thank you. You have made my life *that* much more meaningful.

Quick quiz I threw together because I was bored. Feel free to copy and paste it (adding your own answers of course), as well as share it with your friends:

Answer each question you feel comfortable with answering as truthfully as possible, and elaborate on each answer if necessary. Add your final score up and multiply it by 2.
The number you get is around the number of days you would survive in a zombie apocalypse.
How physically fit are you?
5) [ ] Very
4) [ ] Decently
3) [X] Somewhat ~Not the most in shape but I'm really skinny, likely because I tend to forget to eat sometimes :P
2) [ ] A little
1) [ ] Not at all
Any experience with weapons:
5) [ ] A lot
4) [X] A considerable amount ~Can shoot a bow (compound and recurve), use a sword, and am trained in martial arts
3) [ ] A bit
2) [ ] Not much
1) [ ] None at all
How fast are you?
3) [X] Very ~I like to run... a lot...
2) [ ] A bit
1) [ ] Not at all
How good at foraging/camping are you (finding food, shelter, etc)
5) [ ] Very
4) [ ] Decently
3) [ ] Somewhat
2) [ ] A little
1) [X] Not at all ~I needs mah interwebs
How quiet/stealthy can you be?
5) [X] Very ~I've been known to scare people on accident because I "snuck up on them"
4) [ ] Decently
3) [ ] Somewhat
2) [ ] A little
1) [ ] Not at all
How independant are you?
3) [ ] Very
2) [X] A bit
1) [ ] Not at all
Any training in first aid/medicine?
5) [ ] A lot
4) [ ] A considerable amount
3) [ ] A bit
2) [X] Not much
1) [ ] None at all
How highly do you value your survival over the survival of others?
5) [ ] A lot
4) [ ] A considerable amount
3) [X] A bit ~Not the "GO ON WITHOUT ME!" type but I wouldn't leave a good friend to die
2) [ ] Not much
1) [ ] Not at all
What sort of environment do you live in?
3) [ ] Rural
2) [ ] Suburban
1) [X] Urban
How trusting of others are you?
3) [ ] Not very
2) [X] A bit
1) [ ] Very
How well can you swim?
5) [ ] Very
4) [ ] Decently
3) [ ] Somewhat
2) [X] A little ~Never took any sort of swim lessons
1) [ ] Not at all
How much do you sleep?
3) [ ] Not much
2) [X] A decent amount
1) [ ] A lot
How highly has a friend or friends scored on this test?
5) [ ] 50-41
4) [ ] 40-31
3) [ ] 30-21
2) [ ] 20-11
1) [ ] 10-1 (Dunno how they managed to get 1 :P) ~First one to take this quiz so...

Total: 30, so I would last a grand total of 60 days! Not that great a score, so I'm sure you can do better.

Family member passed away today. Not much else to say, really.

So, went to the cinema today and saw Guardians of the Galaxy. I went in not expecting much more than a standard cliche marvel film. I was not only entirely incorrect but also not just hope but plan on seeing it a second time. In other words, it was VERY good. First off, it has a talking raccoon in it. Already I'm sold. Also, its sci-fi which apart from fantasy films is about all I tend to watch (I suppose sci-fi is a form of fantasy, but that's beside the point). Also, the plot is well written and they set it up nicely for a not-terrible sequel. I was very impressed by the special effects and the lack of corny lines or focus on any one specific character. They seemed to spread the attention out across each main character by giving them all some unique story arcs. Even Groot, the living tree that only says the same three words throughout the whole film gets a decent role in the plot. Overall I would give it an eight or nine out of ten, lacking only enough focus on the main antagonist apart from a few other minor issues that may have made it slightly better. I would highly recommend that you go see it before it stops showing in the cinema. Why are you still reading this and not watching it. Go... watch it... NOW...

I legitimately have no excuse this time as to why I've been so inactive... and by inactive I mean haven't gone on my account in over two months. So now it's time to update the few people who have happened along my page about what I've been doing. Firstly, computer got fixed. At this point I'm almost waiting for it to break again. I don't expect it to go more than a year. Also, mtg (Magic The Gathering) has been consuming a lot of my time (as well as money). Started playing again after break of about a year or two (Originally started around Scars of Mirrodin). Been really getting into EDH above other formats, still piecing together a deck though. Lastly, I haz a new fursona, who is a rat named Umbra. Lastly, I'll hopefully I'll be putting out more art from now on, but seeing as school just started that might be a bit hard.