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cry into my pillow
General | Posted a week agoLately, I've been thinking about how far I've distanced myself from my audience. I was going through a crisis and was only concerned with immediate issues. Creativity and connecting with people simply fell out of my life. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to cope.
After the flash mob with costumes, for the first time in a long time, I saw how other artists communicate with their viewers and with each other. And I felt uncomfortable because I realized how much I had closed myself off. How far I had strayed from where I started.
I have always respected the people who follow and support me. But at the same time, I built a wall around myself. I got used to thinking that people were only interested in my pictures, not me. That if I opened my mouth, no one would care. That it was better to keep quiet and just post my work, let it speak for me.
That doesn't work anymore. I want to express thoughts and feelings, not just “make pictures.” That's why I need the comic I'm working on. And yes, I need the support of people who read and watch. It's important for me to know that someone out there is getting it. But every time I try to write something, I feel silly and out of place. Like I'm stepping into something I don't belong in.
For a long time, I thought I was boring and hid behind my work. And yeah, it's not fun to admit that. But that's what killed my desire to speak up. I sat on the internet like a ghost. Nothing about myself, just a picture, and even that without context. Because it seemed to me that if I showed myself, I would simply not be noticed.
Thank you for still being here. Seriously. I really appreciate the people who stayed while I myself didn't understand who I was and why I was even going online. I want to stop being ashamed of myself, and the fact that I wrote this text is already a step forward for me. Recently, a friend told me something so simple: You are an interesting person, it's interesting to follow you and communicate with you. And I'm trying to accept that. I want to stop hiding and be more than just a picture
After the flash mob with costumes, for the first time in a long time, I saw how other artists communicate with their viewers and with each other. And I felt uncomfortable because I realized how much I had closed myself off. How far I had strayed from where I started.
I have always respected the people who follow and support me. But at the same time, I built a wall around myself. I got used to thinking that people were only interested in my pictures, not me. That if I opened my mouth, no one would care. That it was better to keep quiet and just post my work, let it speak for me.
That doesn't work anymore. I want to express thoughts and feelings, not just “make pictures.” That's why I need the comic I'm working on. And yes, I need the support of people who read and watch. It's important for me to know that someone out there is getting it. But every time I try to write something, I feel silly and out of place. Like I'm stepping into something I don't belong in.
For a long time, I thought I was boring and hid behind my work. And yeah, it's not fun to admit that. But that's what killed my desire to speak up. I sat on the internet like a ghost. Nothing about myself, just a picture, and even that without context. Because it seemed to me that if I showed myself, I would simply not be noticed.
Thank you for still being here. Seriously. I really appreciate the people who stayed while I myself didn't understand who I was and why I was even going online. I want to stop being ashamed of myself, and the fact that I wrote this text is already a step forward for me. Recently, a friend told me something so simple: You are an interesting person, it's interesting to follow you and communicate with you. And I'm trying to accept that. I want to stop hiding and be more than just a picture
