I am very sorry to have to be the one to break this news to our mutual friends and family. But I was informed late last night that my soulmate and partner of five years, Fabian Fidel Melendez (aka "Shifterfur") has passed away.

I am still in shock over this myself. However, rather than keeping everyone in the dark I figure it is best to let as many people as possible know so as not to cause undue worry and sorrow later on.

Those who knew Shifter well also knew that he had struggled with obesity and other related health problems his entire life. These problems, coupled with severe depression over the loss of both of his parents, unfortunately led to his condition worsening over time.

On June 11th 2024 Shifter admitted himself to the ER due to intense pain in one of his legs. Due to the chaos I was not able to contact him during this time as he did not have his phone on him and the hospital he was admitted to did not have my contact information. I received a call from said hospital late last night, informing me that Shifter had gone into cardiac arrest earlier that afternoon and that they had not been able to resuscitate him. As of now the exact cause of death is unconfirmed, but the doctors suspect that a blood clot from an earlier infection may have made its way into his lungs.

As for myself, I am currently sad and hurting, but am doing as well as I can considering the circumstances. Those of you who have my contact info, feel free to reach out if you want to.

Heya folks. I'm just posting this journal in an attempt to boost the signal and get the word out. My finances are quite literally in the red atm. The good news is I've recently found a job and will be able to start working again soon. The bad news is I have about a month's worth of backed bills to pay and my bank account is currently overdrawn. To help remedy the situation I'm attempting to sell off one of my old character designs. More details can be found here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53514902/

Asking price is currently $900 for the reference, additional artwork, and physical badges which I can mail to the buyer. I realize that is a bit steep but I've put a lot of money into commissioning artwork for this character so I feel the asking price is fair. I MAY be willing to negotiate prices though if someone makes me a reasonable offer.

Even if you're not interested any attempts to boost the signal and get the word out would be very much appreciated!

...My dumb ass just cracked the LCD screen on my tv.

Was trying to move something in the bedroom and caught the edge.

Ugh. I can't afford to get it replaced rn either I'm fucking broke.

Hello all! First of all let me state that this is NOT an emergency. My boyfriend and I are just fine and will find a way to get through this. However as of late we are in a bit of a bad state financially. I've been living paycheck to paycheck for quite some time and due to some personal reasons I am having to take the next week off from my job while they can process getting me transferred to another location. In the meantime though my funds are getting a bit low and in an attempt to make a bit more income I've decided to sell off a few of my older character designs.

You can view them on my toyhouse profile here: https://toyhou.se/EnderRydel/charac.....folder:1393546

Amongst these designs is my old shark/dragon character Ender...my namesake fursona. You'll probably realize that the asking price for him is quite a bit higher than the other characters I'm getting rid of. This is partially due to the fact that I've put over 1k into this character over the years, partially due to the fact that I will be sending the three physical badges I have had done of him to the new owner, and partially due to the fact that he still has quite a bit of sentimental value to him. However I no longer use him as much as I should and have been considering redesigning him from the ground up anyway.

All prices are semi-negotiable. I prefer cash via but if you are an artist that is willing to do character designs and does not mind working from a written description of the character, I MAY consider trading a character/characters for a ref sheet of a few new characters I've been wanting to have designed. In the case of Ender I may also be willing to accept a payment plan seeing as the price is so high.

Feel free to comment or note me if interested!

Seems like that's all I've been posting lately. I don't want to go too deep into my own personal shit here. I don't want people to worry about me or feel like I'm dragging them down.

But with that being said I will admit to the fact that I have not been in a good mental state as late. And I'm posting this journal in an attempt to be a little more transparent about some of the shit I've been going through in hopes that my small group of friends and followers can understand where I'm coming from.

First and foremost, something a lot of my friends don't know about me is the fact that I have a learning disability. I fall on the low end of the Aspbergers spectrum. While I do NOT have an anti-social personality disorder, I do sometimes have anti-social tendencies. I do not always react to things the way a "normal" person would. I miss social cues. I have trouble "reading the room" and filtering myself. It's something I've been struggling with my entire life. My behavior can be off-putting to people who don't know me well and it's something I'm very self-aware about.

I've also undergone a tremendous amount of personal growth these past few years. Things like just learning how to cope with the various responsibilities of adult life while also juggling relationships and my personal life.

And in all honesty i do not always cope well. I have a tendency to stay quiet about my problems because for a very long time i felt as if that was what was expected of me as an adult. Feeling upset wasn't productive. Being unhappy didn't help anything. Sadness was a "luxury" i could not afford because in many ways i felt as if i did not have the time to feel sorry for myself. I had to keep moving forward else just to meet the basic requirements for survival.

And while lately I've been trying to address and cope with these feelings and have been more open expressing them that doesn't mean they're not present still. I oftentimes feel helpless. I oftentimes feel useless. Like i have no control over my life and am just following the basic motions in order to survive. I've lost a lot of the drive i had when i was younger. And in many ways it feels nearly all my time and energy goes into the mere act of survival and I have nothing left to help me pursue the things that make me happy.

I spent so long trying to please others i forgot how to take care of myself. And now I'm reduced to a state where i constantly feel I'm one step away from breaking down entirely.

I've had some dark thoughts as late. Thoughts such as "I'm nothing but a burden on other people." "I'm lazy and selfish and don't deserve to be happy." "I don't want to exist in this society anymore." "I want it all to stop." "I want to run away."

And yes on occasion..."My life is nothing but pain. I don't want to live anymore."

While I've never attempted suicide or even really seriously considered killing myself these thoughts do scare me and I wonder what I might be driven to do. I know there are people out there who care for me and that is what keeps me going. But I need to find a reason to live that is purely my own and I'm still searching for that.

I'm not going anywhere. But I may be a bit silent for a while as many of the things i witness online are not good for my mental state right now. Those of you who have my contact info are still welcome to talk to me. But i may be slow to respond as i figure things out.

In the following days I'm going to be seeking out some professional help. I think I'll be alright. But i do need some time to myself.

It's...better then expected actually. I went into it prepared to be disappointed. As a fan of the more classic-styled jRPGs I wasn't really enjoying the direction Square's taken the Final Fantasy series in since 10 or so.

To be fair I think it would have been more apt to call the game a re-imagining of Final Fantasy 7 then an honest to goodness remake. Gameplay wise it's MUCH different, being an action RPG. That being said, on the normal difficulty combat is fun and challenging. You WILL get punished by bosses and normal mobs alike if you try to get through the game just button-mashing. You WILL take heavy damage to your party if you don't utilize guarding and dodging. And you WILL get destroyed if you rush in to attack without thinking.

As far as the pacing goes, I, like so many others, was a bit miffed that we weren't getting the FULL story of Final Fantasy 7 right away. The game goes right up to the point where the party makes their escape from Midgar. A LOT has been added. Dungeons areas are MUCH larger and take a lot more time to traverse then in the original. The major plot points are all there but there IS stuff that's been changed, added, or altered. Purists of the series are probably miffed because the plot isn't an exact copy-paste of the original. But honestly I like the added elements to the story. The new characters add more depth to the story and make Midgar really feel like a living, breathing city.

I personally loved the fact that they gave Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie more time in the spotlight and spent the time to actually develop them as major players in the plot aside from just cannon-fodder NPCs that get killed off early on like in the original game.

If I had ONE major gripe it would be that Red XIII wasn't a playable character and instead acted as an AI controlled party member when he joins your team, but given that you don't even recruit him until the finale of the game that's understandable. That's just a matter of personal preference though and doesn't really speak to the game's quality as a whole.

Another major issue is that even though the game's been modified to make sure you get plenty of gameplay out of the events leading up to the party's escape from Midgar, the fact remains that we haven't even a quarter of the story the original game told. I'll be interested to see what they do in future installments...but I'm also miffed about having to pay full price for what is probably going to be at least 2-3 more games just to get the full story.

Overall though, I enjoyed seeing Final Fantasy 7 re-imagined as a more 'modern' RPG. While the game wasn't a carbon copy of the original, it stayed true to it in enough ways to maintain the nostalgia factor while still being it's own unique experience. If you're a fan of action RPGs it's definitely worth picking up just for the combat alone.

Some of the people who watch me might have noticed I've deleted a buncha stuff from my gallery. Most of it was pics of old characters/adopts I've either resold off or don't use anymore.

I'm probably going to be trying to sell off a few other character designs I don't really use anymore. As much as I love all my guys I simply have way to many of 'em and some of 'em don't get the attention they deserve. Better that they go to someone who might actually make use of 'em.

Keep an eye out for a submission in the future with more details.

An artist I watch recently posted that her friends are being evicted from their apartment by an anti-LGBT landlord and are desperately seeking a new place to stay near the Louisville, KY area. I unfortunately am not able to do much on my own but I figured I'd do my due diligence to help pass the message along and see if anyone can offer them help. More info about what's going on at the original post here:

www.furaffinity.net/view/34805138/

I swear I have the worst luck with vehicles. Not a year after having to scrap my old car due to a fatal engine failure my replacement vehicle dies on me. Hoping it’s not going to cost me an arm and a leg to get fixed.

So yeah. I just beat the Link's Awakening remaster for the Switch. And I have to say...aside from the graphical overhaul it really is almost exactly the same game that released for the Game Boy Color so many years ago. While it was nice visiting Koholint again after all these years...playing through the old dungeons again...I'm not really sure this game has aged well. I understand that Nintendo wanted to keep the nolstagia factor by not changing the game overly much but...I was sort of hoping they'd add something new aside from just the Chamber Dungeons.

But no. The main game is exactly the same. None of the puzzles or bosses were different. If anything the game was too simple. I blazed through it in less then a week. Amazing how the memory of those old puzzles and dungeon layouts stick with you even when you haven't touched a game in years. Sure a few small things got overhauled. But come on Nintendo. Would it have been too much to ask to add a few new optional dungeons? Or hell, a Master Quest mode where the layouts of the old dungeons are changed and made more difficult? I guess they did add a "hard mode" where enemies don't drop health, but that seems like a bit of a copout in the long scheme of things.

I...can't really see how they justify asking 59.99 for this. I could see it as a digital download for 19.99, or even 29.99. But asking the full price of a brand new game for what is essentially a 15 year old game with a fresh coat of paint is a bit much. I think now that I've beaten it I'll be trading my copy in to GameStop and using the store credit to purchase something else.

Yeah. Long story short my store manager was treating me like an idiot again last night and I finally worked up the nerve to tell him to go fuck himself. And let me tell you it was a very liberating feeling.

Of course it now means I have to go find another job to cover the hours that I'm no longer getting and am unable to get at the second job I'm currently working. But in all honesty I'm competent enough that I should be able to find something (even if my previous manager wanted to treat me like that wasn't the case).

It's going to suck living on part-time wages until I can find something else but I'll manage. In the long-term this is going to be a lot better for me then continuing to work in an environment where I had an abusive boss.

My finances are in the red. My job is causing me more stress then I feel like I can handle. My relationship with my boyfriend is probably broken to the point where it is beyond repair. And the past three months of my life have been one horrible event after the other.

I do not know how much more of this I can take. I do not know how to fix things. I am at my breaking point.

Were it not for the support of those around me I'd probably already be gone. Don't worry. I'm not going to go and do anything stupid like end my life.

But I'm not sure what might become of me if things continue on the way they are right now.

...And it’s gonna keep raining all through this week too. Blugh. Mother Nature needs to fuck off already.

Seems like the problem is with my main hard drive and not Windows after all. At the very least attempting to fix the problem using the Windows 10 installation disk did not work. I’m praying it’s just an issue with the wiring inside my pc and not the hard-drive itself.

Either way I don’t have enough pc knowhow to open it up and diagnose the problem. I am however going to be very irritated if it turns out my hard-drive is in fact damaged. I spent over 2000 on this rig and it’s barely a year old. The hardware should NOT be quitting on me this early.

Yep. No idea what’s up with it either. Came back home after being out this Monday and noticed it had rebooted itself. Instead of loading windows though it had gone to the Bios menu. Tried restarting the system and now I either get a blank screen or get kicked to the Bios menu. Not sure if it’s an issue with my hard drive or if it’s just a new windows update fucking things up. I’m hoping it’s just an issue with windows. Though it’s still going to be a pain to try and fix either way.

SPOILER WARNING - Those of you who have not played Kingdom Hearts 3 to it's end may want to avoid journal if they do not want certain plot points spoiled for them.

That being said, having played Kingdom Hearts 3 to completion I have to say I'm a tad bit disappointed. Not that I didn't enjoy the game. However there were certain elements to both the plot and the gameplay that sort of took me out of the experience. Of the three main games I'm tempted to say it's the weakest of the trilogy. Despite the very long wait between Kingdom Hearts 2 and 3 (or even the wait between Dream Drop Distance and Kingdom Hearts 3), 3 had the unfortunate feeling of a game that had been put off for far too long, only to be rushed through development at the last minute.

Combat still retains the beat-'em-up, button mashing feeling of the first two games. Which isn't a necessarily a bad thing considering it's what fans of the series have come to expect. However, Kingdom Hearts 3 also added a lot of new gimmicks to system (Attractions, Flowmotion, Formchanging, Shotlocking, etc.), and honestly none of them felt particularly polished. Flowmotion and Shotlocking in particular didn't feel much different then it did in Dream Drop Distance, and I didn't really notice anything new or improved. Attractions were an interesting concept, but again, lacked polish. Honestly only one or two of them were really useful in combat at the rest sucked. Formchanging was the only combat element that I actually could claim to really enjoy. It was interesting to see Sora using some weapons aside from the standard keyblade. So that's one thing refreshing and new about Kingdom Heart's 3 I suppose.

Disappointingly, despite the myriad of characters introduced over the course of the series, Sora remained to be the only playable character for most of the game. There were a few brief moments in which you got to fight a boss as Riku or Aqua. But other than that the story focused almost solely on Sora and his journey, and I say it was a missed opportunity to add more length/content to what overall felt like a very short game. I would have loved to see separate campaigns for Riku and Mickey or even Kairi and Axel/Lea. Still, DLC is a thing. Could be they're holding out on us.

Did I mention the game was short? Easily the shortest of the main trilogy, perhaps the shortest Kingdom Hearts game in general. Only 9 worlds including the final confrontation. Given they DID make an effort to make each world actually relevant to the overall arching plot of the game this time around, so I suppose the writers deserve credit for that.

Plot-wise I have mixed feelings. As I said before I'll give the writers credit for attempting to make each Disney World actually relevant to the plot this time around. However I can easily see why people who have not played all the previous games in the series would get confused as to what the hell is going on. Hell there were still many plot elements even I didn't fully get and I've played nearly every game in the Kingdom Hearts series with the exception of Union Cross, Coded, and Aqua's side story from 2.8. While most of the lose ends were tied up to my satisfaction there were still a few things that left me scratching my head:

A) - Who the hell is the "third heart" that occupies Sora's body other than his own? Or am I just misinterpreting something? Roxas is first heart. Ventus is second. But at some point in the game they mention a third heart occupying Sora's body. Are they talking about Sora's own heart or do they mean to imply that there's some mysterious third character that's taken up residence in Sora's heart as well?

B) - What's the deal with this "Box" Maleficent and Pete are searching for? Supposedly it contains the Book of Prophecies, which is a throwback to something from the plot of Union Cross. Unfortunately, having never played Union Cross, I have no idea what the Book of Prophecies is or what relevance is bears to the overarching plot of the series. Maybe someone more familiar with Union Cross can explain it to me?

C) - Speaking of Union Cross there are a lot of subtle mentions to these "Lost Masters" but it's never really explained who the fuck they are. From what I understand they all served the Master of Masters who held the first keyblade, as well as the Book of Prophecies and such. Given it's hinted that this is all going to be explained in a future game that will give us more light on the true nature of the Keyblade Wars and what happened prior to the events of Birth by Sleep, but it's still rather frustrating for me.

D) - Who is this mysterious "girl" that's referenced several times in the game, first by Ansem, and then again by Axel/Lea and Isa/Saix? It can't be Kairi. If it was, then there's no doubt Lea would have recognized her. I seriously doubt it was Namine or Xion either. All I can surmise is that supposedly she was an experiment subject of Ansem the Wise. And that MAYBE she has some sort of connection to the Lost Masters.

E) - Judging by the epilogue of the game, apparently Xigbar/Braig is one of the Lost Masters? Or even the Master of Masters? I don't really know. I remember someone mentioning in a plot synopsis video that supposedly Ventus was a Lost Master as well, but honestly I have no fucking idea how we as players are supposed to make any sense of these revelations. It sort of seems like a plot point that the writers just pulled out of their ass so they'd have an excuse to extend the story line beyond the conclusion of the so-called "Xehanort Saga."

But yeah, I definitely have a gripe about the writers including so many plot points from a mobile game that wasn't even originally released in the US. Maybe I need to check out Union Cross and I'll understand a few of these things better.

All in all while Kingdom Hearts 3 may have wrapped up Sora's story it's still left me with more questions than answers. And I'm not sure I have the energy to continue keeping up with what has become a hot mess of a plot at this point. I already wasted 15 years of my life waiting for what was ultimately a disappointing end to the main trilogy. I don't think I'll be spending my money on any future Kingdom Hearts games.

So...Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out in 10 days and I have to ask. Am I the only one left amongst my old friends who’s kind of excited to finally see how the series ends? I mean I’ve pretty much been following this series since I was 16 so I’m hoping it will be worth the long wait. Given Squenix has sort of garnered a reputation as a company that over hypes its games only to deliver disappointment in the end (I’m looking at you, Final Fantasy XIII/XV). Still the trailers made the game look decently solid so I remain cautiously hopeful. Here are a few major things I’ll be looking for:

1. Is the gameplay solid? - The trailers are making combat look like a melding of the beat-em-up style of the first two games with elements from Birth by Sleep and Dream Drop Distance such as “Flowmotion” mixed in. Honestly looks pretty nice in the trailers but we’ll see.

2. Is the plot wrapped up nicely? - Yeah...after Birth by Sleep the whole KH plotline has sort of become a hot mess. I’m still interested in seeing how it plays out but in all honesty I’m also still trying to wrap my head around the ending of Dream Drop Distance.

3. Is Sora going to be the only playble character? - if so I’m going to be sorely disappointed. I’m hoping that we’ll see some gameplay with the other main characters too, if not as part of the main game then at least as DLC.

4. Are the Disney Worlds interesting? - mixed feelings on this so far. I’m excited about the Pixar worlds but feeling sorta meh about the Tangled and Frozen based ones.

I’m not gonna rant too much here cuz I don’t want this to turn into one of those 8 paragraph long rant journals. Let’s just say 2018 was not the best year for me due to a number of reasons, the primary being the fact that I am stuck at a frustrating, soul-sucking cooperate job that is draining most if not all of my energy.

And don’t even get me started on the idiot in the White House and his goddamn stupid wall.

Here’s hoping 2019 is a better year.

Just hear me out here guys. This is gonna be great.

I mean I know we already have “Orctober” and all that but how about this:

Halloyeen.

On oct 31 everyone can post spoopy art of their hyena bois. It will be awesome.

Trust me. I’m not biased towards hyenas at all.

Years seem to go by quicker and quicker now that I'm adult. I'll be 31 this Wednesday. Thirty fucking one. I know that's not HORRIBLY old but the thought that I'm not exactly what a lot people would consider a 'young' adult anymore sort of blows my mind. It's been twelve years since my high school graduation and honestly it feels like it wasn't that long ago. My oldest niece will be 13 this year. Holy fucking shit. Where did the time go?

It's also made me come to realize that...I'm actually pretty immature for a guy in his 30s. I still act like I'm in college tbh. I've only just recently moved out from my parent's home into a new apartment with my boyfriend and I'm still learning the ins and outs of being an actual adult. If I went back to my highschool graduation and had the opportunity to relive it all knowing the things I do now I probably would have made some very different choices. Not wasting 7 years in school for a degree I'm not even really using for one.

Life is fucking hard. Being an adult is hard. I certainly have my fair share of days where I wish I could go back to the blissful ignorance and innocence of being a kid.

In any case I'm not really going anywhere with this. Growing older just makes one grow introspective I guess.

Maybe my boyfriend is right and I really am turning into an old man. xD

Yup. I got an idea in mind for yet another new character and am seeking out possible artwork I could purchase as a reference. Basically for a slender, somewhat,short, punky goat dude who's somewhat twink-ish without being OVERLY feminine.

If ya know of anyone doing cheap adopts/character designs please do lemme know. My budget is prolly somewhere between $20-45 atm depending on the quality of the artwork. :3

Pretty sure I hit a possum driving home from work today. Stupid thing walked right in front of my car, saw my headlights, and just stopped. By the time I realized what was going on it was too late for me to slow down or swerve. I just hope the poor thing didn't suffer before it died.

...I kinda feel really bad. :(

Seeing todex's most recent pic has resparked my urge to create some sorta skull-faced demon character of my own. Problem is I don't really know of any artists that are currently open who could help me design such a character.

So...I'm on the lookout once more. If ya know of anyone who might be up for the challenge send 'em my way.

Hello all! Shifterfur and I will be attending Midwest Furfest this weekend and unfortunately had one of our potential roomies bail on us last minute, leaving us short of funds for the hotel! If you or anyone you know is going to MFF and is still in need of a room please contact Shifterfur on telegram ASAP for more details!

Thanks in advance!

Title pretty much says it all. I'm trying to raise some more funds with MFF right around the corner and have a few old characters sitting around that i never use anymore. If yer interested in taking a look you can find more details here:

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25493843/