Whoa, is it just me, or does DeviantArt look a little different since I last used it? I think it's partly the Halloween theme, but looks cleaner, which is nice. I've been trying to switch to Linux fully for a year now. I was dual-boating for a while, but since I worked on game testing for the longest, I had to dual-boat. Not only that, but I now do most of my game testing on my phone, so I don't really need it anymore. Most of my work is actually care taking.

Care taking is very rewarding, but takes a lot out of me. I'm so very tired. I have some spare time, so I wanted to write a journal here. This will be cross-posted on my other websites, since I know I need to update those too. My main websites will be Tumblr, Instagram, Toyhouse, and YouTube. DeviantArt and Bluesky will mostly be used to promote my work, that's about it.

I need to get better at networking and talking to people, so I'm using Discord for that. I'll mostly be active on there. Furthermore, I'm also working on a professional Discord, I'm now setting up. I got a Patreon and a Substar I'm working on. Once things calm down on my end, I will have more time for art. I just wanted to grab my username and hold on to it, just in case.

I got a bit off-topic here, but Linux has been working pretty well for the most part, if y'all are gonna switch to Linux just be careful, and do y'alls research. The distro does matter, unfortunately. Bazzite for example is immutable, which means y'all can't mess with it.

Garuda is the opposite. I broke it so many times, and recently when updating because it doesn't play nicely with my hard drive. A SSD is preferable with gaming distros especially, but also works well with normal one at least at first so I would be careful when updating if y'all are gonna go for a rolling distro. I recommend a stable one since it's just easier to use.

I'm currently using Linux Mint Zara which is a stable distro. It has a life span of four years, so up until April 2029, so I have more than enough time to work on my workflow. This also gives Wayland sometime to fix its issues, since I know it takes time. I'm using x11 for the desktop environment.

It's Plasma 5 rather than 6 since it's just better for the tablet I'm using which is a XP-PEN Deco LW. It doesn't play nicely with the current Plasma 6 update so I downgraded to Plasma 5 this is very important.\

David Revoy has some pretty good advice on this. Y'all can read it here: https://www.davidrevoy.com/article1.....-install-guide A lot of people are switching to either Debian 12 bookworm or Linux Mint. Linux Mint is Deb based and so is Ubuntu. I recommend this for beginners and if y'all are gamers, and don't mind a challenge, Garuda or Arch might be y'alls thing. Just make sure to make backups.

I did research and so far it seems like Deb files and Fedora based are the easiest to use, but some people prefer Arch. Arch is alright, but needs a lot of maintenance and as I got older I just needed something more stable since I'm a busy gal taking care of her family.

Productivity and being able to draw/paint is important to me. Anyway, it seems to be getting better for me and I can only hope it gets better. I'll write a little more about Linux later. Whatever y'all chose, I hope it works out for y'all! I hope y'all are enjoying your day, and thank you so much for reading!💗

This year feels like it's going by fast and slow at the same time. I'm so glad it's fall now. I'm excited to just chill. I may do inktober this year, or something similar, I'm not sure. I finished my zine piece for the Berserk zine, and I feel that some people are missing the point of the zine. I will however share a WIP here soon since I'm allowed to.

Some spoilers, but the zine was made to show what it would be like if Casca regained her sexuality. I'm very sex positive, and I'm also antifa, meaning anti-censorship. I feel that as long as it isn't hurting anyone, it has a right to exist. Life isn't all sugar and rainbows, so art shouldn't be all the time either.

I will say that drawing darker stuff has helped me deal with all that I've been through this year. From dealing with harassment and stalking to the loss of my grandmother... I felt so distant from my friends and family, but it's slowly been getting better, I mean it was on and off, but doesn't seem to be as frequent feeling.

That being said, It was never done in poor taste or anything like that. Berserk is heavy. A lot of dark themes. So, I understand that it's not for everyone, with that said, it does suck though when it's from someone who is also a Berserk fan that misses the point of what this story and characters mean. It's a story about redemption. I know Guts wants revenge on Griffith for what he has done, and the whole thing is a tragedy.

There is parallels between the two. I mean, I can relate to also being in toxic relationships myself, so I know good writing when I see it. Both characters feel well fleshed out. I'm aware that media literacy is a lost art form, but I think that it's healthy to talk about these things, and censoring it won't help us at all.

Everyone deserves a safe haven to have an outlet to enjoy things. That's being human. I'm just feeling like with everything going on, they have lost the point of that. Bluesky has gotten really heavy with the rules getting changed supposedly a month from now. I really hope they reconsider, and it would be nice if they had more tags like Deviantart, Y!gallery, and FA has a decent tagging system so people can block things like blood, gore, and other disturbing things. I love some horror so it doesn't bother me.

I'm just glad I was able to see things like Alien besides Berserk. I'm a big fan of cosmic horror besides dark fantasy. I guess this is all I can think of for now. I'll try to write more updates here more often. Sorry that I haven't been very active here. Slowly wanting to change that but I got a lot I need to sort out with taking care of family and my home. I hope y'all have a good evening!

Note: If y'all noticed I used the black heart a lot, it's something I mostly use for aesthetic reasons, but some people have got the wrong idea about it. They were saying weird things like it means corruption or something stupid, but at least when I use it, it's more nuanced.

It has many different meanings. It's connected with grief, love, and the black lives matter movement, which is really important to me. I'm also a big fan of dark fantasy, and I love studying media literacy, which is sadly a lost art form. I hope in time, more people can be more understanding of this, but I also gotta protect my energy. I don't have time to deal with people who just want to bring others down.

Anyway, I've been trying to make more time for drawing/painting, so I'm working on a thing called break sketches. It's when I have a bit of time during work on breaks. I would have to limit my time more, so on personal gaming, but I think it'll be worth it to cram in more artwork, since I enjoy art a lot more.

I think that'll be a good way to get more artwork uploaded. I'm also working on my speed since I'm quite slow due to a learning disability I had since I was a child, that's gotten easier to deal with as I aged, but I wouldn't say it's easy exactly. I still have my moments, so please be patient.

That being said, I'm trying my best, and that's what matters. I've gotten better at not letting the things that bothered me get to me as much. I think that's an improvement in itself, and I can only keep moving forward.🖤

Happy Juneteenth! I want to be more apparent of my views in such hard times, and everything going on in America right now, as well as the whole world, it's been hard for everyone. So, I thought it was important to educate myself on these issues.

I'm learning more and more about our history, which is hard, but important. I want y'all to know that this is a safe space for marginalized groups. I won't tolerate any hate towards people who aren't even hurting anyone. I just want everyone to be treated like equals, that is all.

It's been pretty relaxing, so I feel comfortable letting my rough-around-the-edges personality out more, rather than being so professional about most things. I think it's fine, but sometimes it can be unnecessary. I feel like I've vented way too much in the past, so I've been working on that. I'm trying to be more positive and talk about other things that don't stress me out. Also, with text alone, there's a lot missing.

It's frustrating to be misunderstood, but I understand why it happens. I realize I can come off as cold at times. It's nothing personal, it's just a boundary because as fun as social media can be, people can be weird or even dangerous, so I also gotta be smart about it, but I gotta have a balance too.

I learned it from professional artists with whom I'm mutuals with. I think it's also important to be able to see the human beyond the artist, so I'm working on that as well. I feel that I've been too cold and detached. So, I think it's better if I just have fun, post my art, and leave, which is what I've mostly been doing. I still prefer art sites like FA, DA, and Sheezyart, though.

I want to use Newgrounds more as well, mostly for my best work, but I can also post nice sketches on there that can be rated. It can be a good way to take criticism, too, but I also know I should take it with a grain of salt, but it depends.

Anyway, a lot has happened in the past few months, but I'm alright, really. My messages are always open if any mutuals/friends want to talk. I'll also try to comment more in the future. I miss this place so much, and I'm so glad FA is still around. I'm so grateful to everyone who kept it around; it's much appreciated.

I missed FA so much. I appreciate all the hard work the staff has been doing. I've been feeling like I need a bit of a break from Bluesky. I don't hate social media, but I just don't like the way some people act on it. So, lately I wasn't liking it very much, but I think it's just some of the people on it that I'm not getting along with; that's a bigger issue.

From issues I've been having with some ex-friends to random people I've never met before in my life trying to drag me into their high school drama. It's so exhausting. I'm so glad FA is back and running. I think I need to work on my SheezyArt to just have another art gallery backup because, as nice as Bluesky is, it's just not the same thing as a proper art gallery. With everything going on, I feel that it's more important to have that than ever.

Also, despite the issues I had with DeviantArt as well, I'm glad I kept it because sometimes I need that break. Some people have said that Bluesky reminds them of their old Tumblr days, and I have mixed feelings about that since I don't have the best experience with Tumblr either. I'm trying my best to just stay out of drama from now on as much as possible. It's exhausting and rarely ever solves anything.

As for FA, again, I'm just happy it's working. I just hope it's here to stay for a long time, regardless of not getting a lot of recognition here. I mean, I need to upload more furry stuff here, so it makes sense that this isn't as successful for me as DeviantArt has been, but it's still nice to have a place that's been peaceful, and it's been quite peaceful here.

I think most people are guilty of doing this and I'm not saying it's right. I've done it in the past and I think I've recently done it without realizing it. I get so busy, that I forget I have short term memory loss due to PTSD, and it's hard to respond to someone when they reply with one word, but they don't like small talk, and at the same time expect the other person to carry the conversation is exhausting.

I can't always carry the conversation. Believe it or not, I have my quiet moments too, and writing journals is very different from actual talking. It's like writing a letter to my fans, and it's not the same thing.

Friendship is a two way street and if people can't tell me if a decision I make bothers them, whether is leaving a Discord server, stepping away from things for mental health reasons, or that I just don't have time then I feel like the relationship isn't going to work. That's not how the world works. I don't mean to sound ablest, but I've mainly noticed this with some people that have trouble expressing themselves and talking.

It happens and I don't blame anyone, but if they have a issue, but won't tell me, then I can't fix it because I assume everything is fine, because no one said anything, I can't read minds. When someone isn't talking to me, I assume their busy or something. Communication is important for healthy relationships.

I know that I've been through a lot in the past few months, but I promise y'all, you are not bothering me. And if y'all were, I would let y'all know. I rarely ever get bothered by a simple conversation, unless a person is extremely rude. It's happened a lot in the past, and I usually just back out, unless they're a good friend of mine. I'll tell them when they're doing something that bothers me.

Don't get me wrong, I can relate to having trouble talking sometimes, but if people want a conversation, they have to put in effort, I can't be the only one trying to start a conversation. People have lives and I just don't have the time like I used to anymore with everything going on in my life, I won't go into detail since I'm just not comfortable at the moment.

I feel like lately with a lot of artists I've encountered they come off as entitled and childish. I realized that I need time to heal from all the bad relationships I've encountered over the years, and also dealing with cyberstalking reopened old wounds. I feel like the only valid reason to ghost someone is if they're abusive, and I had horrible exfriends in the past. I think I just have trouble trusting people, especially online. I could be talking to a crazy person or something, but I've been more careful so I don't really have that issue anymore.

Also, I have a detachment when it comes to online. Unless, I'm really close with someone and that there's a bond and I spent a ton of time with them, I don't get attached to them. Some people find that cold, but I think it's a healthy boundary so I don't get hurt. I think more people should have healthier boundaries when it comes to online so they can stay safe.

Unless I had a call, met the person, or had a ton of texts for at least two years, I don't get attached. There also has to be similar interests and not necessary that people try stuff like me or similar styles, but I am very picky when it comes to the art I enjoy. I think I've been spoiled by BERSERK's artwork, and I don't like most hentai art (Unless it's done really well) or crazy proportions usually unless the artists has skills, it's nothing personal or anything.

I don't hate hentai, but I don't have a huge interest in it either. I never did, I think I preferred yaoi or yuri due to the romantic aspect and that it's usually not as gross, I mean sometimes it is with the way some people draw with the crazy proportions and the like. I really want to see more healthy straight relationships in art so I'm working on it myself. I did remember enjoying Josei. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but that's what I enjoy.

With that said, here's an article I read so I don't ghost decent people in the future: https://medium.com/hello-love/8-rea.....t-cc8d984025c9 I realized I've done it without meaning to, because man I've been busy. But again, people need to let me know that they want a conversation, and aren't just saying hello or something you know? That's all I can think of. Thank y'all for reading, I hope y'all have a nice day.

Hey, y'all. I've been taking the time to take care of myself. I've been feeling physically sick, so I just need some time to rest and take care of myself. I'll write another update and let y'all know when I'm around. I didn't want to worry anyone, but I think a break will do me some good.🖤

This is a note about cyberstalkers, harassers and other trolls that I think people should be more aware of, going forward, I won't be as accessible online for my own safety and I'll be wary of people that give me a bad vibe from now on. It's wild being stalked for quite a long time I've realized. This is a clear attempt to get a reaction out of me and to bring me down.

I've come too far to give up now. In the past, I've received anon hate on Tumblr to unwanted gay porn gifs on Discord being sent to me years back, which is pretty gross. I'm aware that this stuff sadly comes with the territory, but I feel that this goes beyond Internet hate and it feels very personal and unfair. It's not normal and I'm tired of people normalizing this that's very harmful.

Now I realize why popular artists and Mangaka have these boundaries because of the very parasocial nature of fans to even exfriends. It makes sense to me now why there's such a boundary to protect both sides. I would appreciate it if people would be respectful of these boundaries, thank you. Please stay safe, and if something isn't right, back out, block, and report.

The Internet is supposed to be fun, not a place of stress and I refuse to let these people control me or have any power over me whatsoever. This is my personal space and they're not part of it.

I'm currently getting all my art stuff set up so I can make a living doing what I love to do; it's always been a dream of mine since I was little. I'm so excited to be doing what I love to do. I just want to focus on my work, relax, and have fun. Only professional stuff will be posted on here due to DeviantArt's/Furaffinity's rules. If y'all want to see my more fun posts, they're on Bluesky.

As for Discord, I don't know what Imma use that for other than to chat with other people, I don't think I can manage that unless I could afford to pay a moderator for a server; I don't think I can do that right now. Emails are just easier to manage.

It's just that I had really bad experiences when I had my Discord server back in the day, and that was really overwhelming. I think it's just not for me, and that's okay. I just need to use what I'm most comfortable with for now.

Sorry that I'm a bit late on my posting schedule with art. I'm getting my hires drawings/paintings uploaded so it can be downloaded by my supporters. I currently have a Patreon, Substar, Fanbox, and Kofi getting set up so I can make money doing what I love, finally.

I thought about getting a core membership here, but unfortunately, I can't afford that right now. It's kinda expensive, and money is a bit tight right now, but once I'm more financially stable, then I can afford it. I have a little savings, but I need that for important stuff. That's all I can think of. I hope y'all are enjoying your day/evening.💗

I'll just write a personal update for a bit to vent. So my journal about the Cyberstalker stuff that I reported got deleted unfortunately, but I do have a back up of it. I'll for sure keep my cool this time when writing the rewrite, which I planned to anyway. I know I got quite a bit heated which I should have taken the time to calm down first before writing it.

I don't think I can report it here sadly with Deviantart's strict rules. I don't see how I broke any of Deviantart's rules. If I did then, I'm really sorry about that. I haven't checked Deviantart's rules in a bit. So I'll review them.

That's on me if I did break some rules, and I'll take full responsibility for that. I know on Furaffinity I read that you can't mention the person's name, even though what the person was doing was a crime. So I did delete the copy of that journal on FA because of their rules. It's for sure a messy area to report.

I sent a support ticket because I wrote that PSA for a reason. I know I was upset and I'll admit was rude to this person that was being rude to me. Also, has been cyberstalking me for a very long time. They for sure hold a nasty grudge to be honest. It's not normal what they did and it's really concerning so that's why I made that document. I didn't want anyone else to get hurt.

On Bluesky this person just came out of nowhere back in November last year, and now I'm dealing with some people accusing my art of being AI which I'll explain in a different journal. I realize I need to start reporting this stuff on YouTube and TikTok. Those places don't seem to have an issue with this, but again I'll keep my cool this time around.

So it's some rough times for me for sure, but I won't give up. I know in the past people have had issues reporting cyberstalkers for their crimes because of how messy social media can be. I have to keep my cool regardless what it is when reporting this stuff, it's for sure a sensitive situation.

Hmm... So what should I do y'all? If you have any advice, then please, let me know what I can do. That being said, this was the last month I was gonna talk about it for now, and that journal was honestly stressful to write so I have mixed feelings about it being deleted here.

It is what it is. I'm not upset about it. I'll for sure still keep posting here and I'm just glad Deviantart didn't delete my account and did give me a fair warning. I'm grateful to that.

My commissions are still closed at the moment... I'm just trying to get used to posting art right now and I'm slowly getting into the swing of things. I do appreciate y'alls interests since a few people have asked. I'm really grateful, and I actually been having a lot of fun here. I'm just a bit over the place, but I'm getting organized.

Also, prices I have to set up as well as a TOS and a commission form. It's just a lot of stuff. I'm also a bit in a bind so I can't quit my game testing job just yet, but yeah I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm not currently taking commissions. For now I'm getting my Substar and Patreon set up.

I also need reasonable prices like 25 bucks and up. I can't sell my self short. The economy and just how long it takes me to draw. It took me eight hours just to draw that Sailor Moon drawing I just posted. I think a drawing like that would be like 40 bucks since it's not a full body. I want my best quality, and I want to take time on my art. I don't want to give y'all rushed pieces. My prices will for sure go up overtime though.

That being said, I won't be using Discord for professional stuff. It's just hard enough keeping up with my social media sites since my friends are all over the place, as well as trying to crosspost a lot, it's just a lot and I gotta manage my time better.

I also mostly take emails, but the Deviantart chat, and Furaffinity's note system is okay, but I still need to be able to send a link to a drawing and I also have google drive for that. I will keep the drawing in my storage as long as I'm able to. Anyway, that's all I can think of. Thank y'all for reading. I just wanted to post a update. And no, this isn't a joke lol, I'm serious about taking art commissions, I'm just trying to practice first. So far so good.

The rest of the month and next month to-do list:

-Try to post art at least once or twice a week. That'll be a challenge but, I'll try.

-Update all my social media and figure out which ones I want to use the most.

-Work on my videos more, as well as my stories and Toyhouse.

I've been cleaning up my page here a bit, and I'm going for a black and white aesthetic that I'm experimenting with. Black goes with pretty much everything so I think it'll look okay. I'm studying dark fantasy as well as gothic art, and cosmic horror so I want it to make the art Imma start uploading here.

I also haven't been on my Toyhouse in months so I'm excited to be updating that as well, but I've been looking for places where I can kinda have a bit of privacy so I'm thinking of using the authorizing for the first time, for my friends/mutuals on there until I'm more comfortable with my OCs in the public. I'm glad there are tools for people to use to feel more comfortable online.

I also feel safer online with the tips I've been taking. I got a lot of advice not just from friends but more popular artists, and I think this is just what I'm more comfortable with. I'm grateful to all the advice I've been given these past months.

I no longer feel anxiety online, which is pretty awesome. But yeah, that's all I can think of for now. I know it's some stressful times right now, and I'm doing the best that I can, and I'm proud of myself that I was able to keep moving forward.🖤

I appreciate those who have made me feel safe in the last few months. As some of y'all know, I was having issues with stalking and harassment from multiple people. It has now died down and I'm also thankful to all the people that reported these cyberbullies. Life is hard enough as is, and no one needs that. So it's given me courage to keep moving forward. I'll be honest, it's been awhile since I wrote anything since I don't really like to write too much of these and I don't have a whole lot to say.

Honestly, there's a lot of personal stuff I just can't talk about that isn't for me to say. Anyway I'm a very private person and I honestly don't like to vent too much or go into my personal life very much. I just don't feel comfortable being chronically online anymore... I thought I should establish these boundaries so I thought I should let y'all know. It's what I'm most comfortable with online and just how I feel about things.

I'm not trying to be mean, but it isn't really anyone's business either. Also, after the stalking issues I had that I now want to avoid in the future, I just rather not go into my personal life too much. I hope y'all understand where I'm coming from and I only feel safe around those I can trust. It's better to be safe than sorry as they say. But I'll explain my absence since some people either think I'm mad at them because I left a bunch of professional servers that I couldn't manage anymore now that I'm taking care of family and the house. I just don't have time like I used to anymore.

It takes time for me to think of what to say and often I have nothing important to add or say. It's really hard to talk due to my disability... It may not seem like it but, I'm disabled... I have trouble talking to people and connecting with people. I also got social anxiety and PTSD that I explained a few times in journals and videos... My art has made it a bit easier connect to with others, but... It's been hard to just sit down and draw with everything going on at home and online but it has calmed down a little bit.

More often lately, I had to not be online as much because I had to take care of my house, my family, and two cats (Remy and Ponyo. Remy is eleven years old and Ponyo is two years old. Sadly, they don't get along. For some years I was using cat pheromones up until it didn't work anymore. Remy started marking where the cat pheromone diffusers were so I have to divide the house up.

Remy is my little sister's cat and Ponyo is my mom's cat. My mom also can barely walk...So I prepare her meals, wash her clothes, etc. So as y'all can imagine I do a LOT. Housework, caretaking and game testing... By the time I'm done, I'm too tired or burnt out to draw/paint. That's why I haven't updated in a while.

Here's some photos of the cats: Remy: https://sta.sh/06nttm7ewjf Ponyo: https://sta.sh/0fkg079cr4c

I love these cats so much. Please do not repost these photos anywhere, thank you. It's taking a lot of work to divide the house, so I've been busy with that. A lot of people have got their own issues. So, I've been taking care of this on my own, but I feel like because of my absence some people think I either don't like them anymore or they're bothering me, when that's just not the case.

Life happens and sadly there is road blocks sometimes. I'll no longer say when I'm updating because it seems like when I try to something comes up or I have to drop what I'm doing. It's really hard and I just hope people understand how difficult life can be. I'll try to write a journal maybe every two weeks to a month or a short status maybe.

I want to spend time with family while I can, so I've been doing that. In the past, I've lost loved ones so, I'm trying to be there when I can, and online is just in the back burner. That being said, my messages are open if any friends/mutuals want to talk. I'll try to get back to y'all when I can. Anyway, I appreciate those that also took the time to listen to me when I was going through it.

It was really tough to process everything, but it's gotten easier. I understand that depression is an all time high and I'll be lying if I said I wasn't depressed... So yeah, it's just heavy stuff when a lot of the time I rather just keep to myself. It's not easy to talk about or process.

This journal is a bit long, so later on I'll for sure make another one when I have the time. It's nice to write a journal every once in a while and it's a good way to take a breather. I must say, I missed it.

I'm currently getting my Substar, Patreon, and Fanbox set up. I don't want anyone under 18+ on those pages. Honestly, since I got older I've been wanting to venture more into 18+ work. It's just interesting to me, and I like how elegantly some artists are able to draw.

It's pretty fascinating. My gallery is pretty SFW so far. I mean, there's not really a lot I can post on Deviantart when it comes to NSFW except artistic nude at most. I'm respectful of the rules and I follow them. I never intend to make anyone uncomfortable.

I'll be working on some hires artwork to post there. I thought about using core membership here, but it's a bit expensive compared to other sites. I can't afford too many bills. I just need a place to put it, probably Google drive...

I might need a subscription. I shouldn't need anymore than 200GB for now. Unless, there's a better storage site to use. If y'all know of anything better then please let me know. I would love an alternative. That being said, I'm slowly coming back here. I'm just a bit slow. I'm a gametester/Caretaker, so I'm really busy these days, but I'll try to be around more when I'm able to.

I'm glad I've been at least feeling more comfortable online. I'm not the best at socializing, since sometimes I have social anxiety, but I'm trying. I also know that I have to have boundaries so I sadly had to leave all the professional servers I was in. I don't like using Discord for that stuff I realized and I'm sorry that it took me this long to realize this. At least, now I'm aware of it.

I just want to have fun on Discord, Deviantart, and Twitch at least. I love watching Twitch streams, lately I've been watching D1's streams a lot and it's pretty relaxing. He goes by xD1x. I recommend checking him out, he is a pretty chill guy.

Good night y'all. I should be around more soon. I'm just gonna be a little slow, but it's good to feel more comfortable online again. It's no fun feeling anxious, so again, I'm so glad I'm starting to feel normal again.

I just thought I should write my last journal for 2024 since the year is about to be over soon. I didn't get to draw/paint as much artwork as I wanted, but I'm hoping I'll be able to post more next year. Looking back on 2023, I posted more in 2024 which is an improvement. I'll be working more on that in 2025. Going forward, I think Imma continue focusing on my social media that's art-based first and then the others. Bluesky hasn't been horrible to be on, but it's been a pretty rough year since I found out that my ex-friend wasn't being impersonated, but it was the ex-friend who used a throwaway account to yell at everyone who stopped being friends with them which was really immature...

If I wanted to reconnect with someone that's something I just wouldn't ever do this way. I always message people privately, because in public It's not only creepy, but it's rude too. If they messaged me privately then maybe I would have reconsidered. Then they called me boring because I didn't want to deal with drama during a holiday. This past year I've been having a ton of health issues and pain, and the last thing I need is drama. I don't like to make callout posts, but if it gets worse, I most likely will call this guy out and I already reported them. They didn't need to do that and it was on Thanksgiving of all days at that. It made me really uncomfortable that someone that used to be my friend ten years ago, would do something like that. I had no idea they still held on to a grudge for ten years.

That is really sad. In the last ten years, I've grown a lot. Back then, I was really bad at talking to people about things, and at the time, I also lost my father. It was such a rough time that I distanced myself from a lot of people who seemed toxic, weird, or just overall not compatible. It was so stressful losing my father, I just didn't want to deal with any more issues. I'm wondering with the fact that I've been improving my artwork a lot that this ex-friend was bitter about that when they don't even post their stuff online that often, and I thought I had a lack of posts at least I'm trying my best. I rather focus on myself than be bitter and envious of others. I'm just glad I dodged a bullet.

I can see now that it could have been a lot worse and I'm glad that my 23-year-old self was right about this person. This person was so spiteful. I did the right thing. That being said, going forward I just want to have more fun next year and ignore drama, but I'm for sure going to be more intolerant of it going forward and will block on the spot unless there's history with someone that's good otherwise I'm just going to move on. I've been trying to process my late grandmother passing on a few months ago in August so that's why I was so distant the rest of this year. Death is a natural part of life, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I'm still needing to think about it, but I'll talk about it if I feel more comfortable going into detail, but for now, I just want to enjoy the end of 2024. That's what my lost loved ones would have wanted. I'll miss them.

I just changed my password since I couldn't login... I read that it's fine and nothing to worry about, but to be safe I do change my password regularly. Because sadly, data breaches do happen sometimes. I've had issues with them in the past so better safe than sorry. If y'all haven't already I would change one's password.

That being said, I plan on being more active here during Monday-Friday is going to be my schedule for Bluesky, here, and Deviantart for now. I may post to Instagram, Tiktok and youtube on Fridays only. Saturday and Sunday are my days off. I'm only on Discord and Steam on those days.

So I just thought I should let y'all know since it's been a little bit since I posted anything here. I'll try to comment more though and just have more fun here.

I've been into a lot of dark fantasy, as well as more mature stories lately. I promise I'm fine. Some friends sometimes worry and I'm grateful, but at the same time, I need to be able to express negative and positive emotions in my art. I mean, that's being human after all. I thought I should share what I've been up to since I don't want people to worry. There most likely will be a steadily shift in my art. I'm excited for my style to evolve on what it's meant to be.

I'm older now, 32 years old. I'll be 33 in a few weeks. I just don't want to keep drawing/painting the same things. I want to explore and improve. Vent or not the darker side of humanity is important to talk about. There's a lot going on in the world, and I got a pretty thick skin so I can handle a lot more than people realize. I'm mature and I'm glad I was raised properly. I'm grateful to my family and some close friends.

With that being said, I did put a warning on my page that I do draw 18+ things for a reason. I think looking at my background with drawing/painting MXTX and N+C stuff (Those are some pretty dark stories) Is not surprising. If people paid attention that is. A lot of people don't though unfortunately, but it is what it is.

I also want to explore BERSERK, Hazbin Hotel, Hellava boss and so forth. I can't always draw/paint cute stuff all the time. There still will be cute stuff, just more variety. Don't get me wrong, I love cute stuff, but creepy stuff fascinates me... Anyway, I understand if y'all will unwatch. It's understandable and fine if you do so. There's no hurt feelings or anything. So, this is just a heads up.

I appreciate all the support y'all gave me over the years. If y'all are sticking around I appreciate that too. Thank you for reading. I should be updating my gallery sometime this week. I feel that I always will love drawing/painting. It's an adventure. 🪷

I've been taking the time to update my site here: https://azurewhitewind.neocities.org/ There's gonna be all my art on there so it's 18+ for a reason. That's pretty self explanatory... Anyway, I'll be updating Deviantart, Furaffinity, TikTok and Youtube the most from now on besides my own site. It's so I can keep in contact with people.

Instagram and Bluesky will be the last places to get my art from now on. Twitter and Tumblr... I don't really know what Imma do with those social media... It hasn't been that fun to be on either of those websites. Instagram is okay, but going through people's story can be exhausting and it's only there for 24 hours... I'm considering just using postybirb to post there and just leave it at that as an updated archive.

So, I'm just not gonna be updating those last two too much. For now Instagram is still up to date with my art, but with having two Twitter accounts, one that's SFW and one that's NSFW it got exhausting trying to update those websites... It's just not fun and my Tumblr is inactive for now. It's been a mess on there since they removed NSFW... So social media wise, I'm exhausted... And for my own mental health and well being I'll be using the most of what I feel comfortable. I'll let y'all know if this may change with time.

That being said, I also been trying to do more traditional art so I'm spending the time to organize now that I've been taking care of my self and feeling better. That's all I can think of to write. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope y'all have a good evening! 🍂☕️

I'll be seeing a Doctor/Gynecologist soon. It's gotten to a point it's been affecting my health... I haven't been around as much because of it. Bleeding to death isn't normal... It's one thing to miss one day of work/school because of it, but not days. I haven't had the best experiences growing up as a woman...

Someday, maybe I'll talk about it more, I'm just not comfortable to talk about it too much... There's a lot of misunderstandings when it comes to feminine health. I've been doing some research and stuff like dark chocolate and Chamomile tea is really helpful for menstrual cramps. I don't speak for everyone, but it has been helping me feel better so that's good. I find that a lot of herbal remedies can help.

It's something I've always taken medication for, but feels like it has gotten worse... I'm never very open about my feminine health, or any vulnerabilities... I don't like being vulnerable... Especially online... I feel that the wrong people can use it against me, just from experience...

Still, I feel that it humanizes me as an artist so I'm okay with talking about somethings here and there, but within reason. I think oversharing isn't a good thing... Unless, you're close with someone I think it's best to keep things as professional as possible. I mean, online is a public space... It's like walking down the street or going to the festival or something...

Anyway, that's why I haven't been around that much. The last I was at the doctor a little while ago. So not that long ago. Also, I haven't been drawing/painting at all. Just haven't been able to do it and I didn't want to push myself too hard since it does take a lot out of me. For a sketch it takes like one to two hours, but can take longer for bigger pieces. Paintings are even more complex. It's usually two between ten hours depending on what it is and how clean the painting/drawing is.

Also, I've been feeling like I have to unlearn a lot since it's a huge learning curve, but I feel like it'll be worth it in the long run. I want to learn how to be a professional artist someday and I feel that I'm slowly getting there, skill wise, but I know it's much more to it than just being good at drawing/painting.

So yeah, just a little update. I've just been taking care of my health so won't be around much on and off. With that said, please take care of your health y'all. Health is wealth.

I'll still be using my social media accounts regularly, but I think it's good to have an archive of my stuff that isn't on social media... My site is still rough around the edges, but I like what I have so far. Anyway, here it is: https://azuresartworks.wixsite.com/azurewhitewind Again it's still a work in progress, but I'm working on it.

I got the email subscription setup so feel free to subscribe if interested. I usually update between 3-5 times a month. I don't spam and I won't make journals unless I got something to say. It's mostly my thoughts about drawing/painting, anime, and some personal stuff. I mean, I'm a private person pretty much, but I do like to talk about things sometimes.

I realized I haven't updated this place in a little bit. I'm still working on art and such. I just been a bit slow. I'll be posting sketches more soon since I know y'all are interested in that. I hope y'all have a good day/evening! ;;w;;

I'm saddened to hear about the passing of Dragoneer that I heard awhile back. I've been taking the time to think of what to say that's meaningful. It's always tough to hear the loss of someone. Whether they're a loved one, a public figure, role model, etc. I want to be respectful when talking about someone, especially in this extremely sensitive matter. In times like these, it's heartwarming to think about the remembrance of someone and cherish that memory.

I'm leaving journal comments open, but please be respectful about this topic. I've seen people be really insensitive about this whole situation. It's so important to have compassion and empathy for other people. I can't stress this enough. I always try to put myself in someone else's shoes. I actually didn't know much about him myself, but I've been learning about all the hard work he has done for this site and how it's become such a good site for creators. I'm just sad about the American health system is rough that I also been struggling a bit with and I feel that people should have all the help they need.

It's not right what's been going on with it and it has to change. I don't want to make this journal too long, but I can talk about my experiences with it in another journal. With that being said, back on to the topic. There was some misinformation about the site getting shut down or something like that. I don't believe stuff without concrete proof and I only believe trusted sources. Seeing the support this site is getting in a much needed time makes me emotional, but in a good way.

I'm so glad that FA is getting the support it needs. This site is like a home to me. It was one of the few places I had eight years ago when I was struggling. I'll always be grateful to this place. With everything going on in the world, it's a nice haven from everything on social media as well. I just love this site so much and I'm happy with my decision of making this one of my main social media to use. I just can't thank y'all enough for the support on my art in the last eight years I've been here. I'm hoping for another eight years with more art and adventures. Good luck on your art, writing, adventures and embrace your dreams, y'all.

Hiya y'all! It's been a bit since I wrote a journal here. I'm still around and I plan to post more sketches here, as well as my process. For now I'm focusing on here, Deviantart and Krita Forum. It's just too difficult to be on too many sites at once so I'll be limiting that, which means, I won't be as active on Twitter for awhile. I need a break from that site. I have a bad back atm so I'll be resting. Probably for a few days. I should be fine by then.

With that said, on to the topic. So, I'm not sure if y'all heard of GenAI, but it's a huge issue. There's a lot of stolen art being fed into this machine. Artists such as Yuumeiart, ErgoJosh, and I heard Adam Duff supporting the use of GenAi. I couldn't believe what I was hearing... I understand that they want to be open minded, but it's not about that, it's about the unethical use of AI that's an issue. That's what people's concern is.

I understand that there needs to be more nuanced discussions about this, but the current GenAI is just not right. It's hard to have a nuanced chat with how bad it is right now and people losing their jobs... It needs artists' consent and also more eco friendly. But with the way things are, I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon, if at all. I've heard of how much energy it's using that can be harmful to the environment and I just can't support such a thing. And I never ever will as long as it's like this.

I love researching and looking for references, but the right way. I need to know where stuff comes from, so I only use trusted sources. There's a lot of free stock on Deviantart that isn't GenAI... So, imma just use that like I've always been to study. There's also free sites like Pixelovely, it's now called Line of action https://line-of-action.com/practice.....figure-drawing. Honestly, there's no need for GenAI and I think it's so wasteful.

That's all I can think of. I just want to write a little update since I didn't get to make a journal here in July. I was so busy. I need to take a bit of a break now though since I've been drawing quite a bit. More than usual. I'm very happy about it, but there needs to be a balance so I'm taking care of myself.

Thank you for reading y'all. I really appreciate it. I hope y'all have a good day/evening.

So, I wanted to talk about my experience with Linux, mostly as an artist. It's been pretty smooth for the most part. It's still a bit iffy with games, mainly with the anti-cheat that can cause issues with Linux when it comes to online games, and some newer games like Kingdom Hearts III. It has a black screen when I try to load it...

I did pay for it, but that's when I still had Windows on my PC. I heard it'll be on Steam in like two days, so I'm hoping it works better with Steam, but I did see a patch from the community that got Kingdom hearts III to work with Linux. It's nice being a part of a community and I'm grateful to everyone's hard work. I can tell they're doing the best they can.

I feel like I'm rambling a bit much here, but the improvement is amazing with Linux since I first used it in 2011, which was such a long time ago, but seeing the improvement is so cool. I understand that Linux is a niche, and many may not want to try it since it's very different from Windows 10 and there's quite a learning curve, but I think having this freedom with Linux is worth it. There's no spyware, bloat, ads and just useless junk on my PC that I won't ever use.

It's so nice having this freedom, but the only bad thing is I gotta be mindful of what hardware is compatible with Linux. I mean, there are exceptions and workarounds, but at times it isn't easy get some things to work, but most essential stuff I need works right out of the box which is pretty great.

I use an AMD graphics card so that makes the transition from Windows 10 a lot easier. I had a GT 730, but I no longer use it. That's the only experience I had with an NVIDIA card and it's okay... With that being said, I was having a lot of problems with Windows 10. I could barely render a video and it would crash a LOT. I couldn't get any work done, so I sadly had to leave windows 10 behind. It's just not stable and it's not safe using an older version like Windows 7 or something. So open source was my best bet for now.

To be fair, my PC is almost five years old. Which is pretty old when it comes to these things. But computers are very expensive and I can't fork out hundreds of dollars right now to buy a new PC. If I could get a few more years out of my computer, I'll try. And it'll give me some time to save up. Plus it's better for the environment.

I realize not many people are interested in this stuff so I'll make a separate journal about more art stuff since what I'm talking about is very niche and not talked about as much since Windows 10/11 often just works out of the box, and I get it. I grew up using.... I think it was Windows 95...? So I'm saddened what's been happening with Windows. Microsoft has gotten so money hungry and the recall and AI stuff was the nail in the coffin for me. So, I'm done. I don't think I'll bother with Windows anymore unless it's necessary.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, I did talk a bit about Krita on and off and the last two years using it straight has been amazing. There was some ups and downs, but nothing that was a deal breaker for me, but i realized that's subjective... I love the brush engine. It's very natural and it's been improving a lot over the years. The 5.3 beta is being worked on and it's open to the public. I'll talk a bit more about Krita in another journal since this is getting too long. Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I really appreciate it.

So far, I'm enjoying it. I just joined the other night, so I'm slowly learning how the site works. It feels like a mix of DA and FA—pretty cool stuff. I'm currently a subscriber, but it was well worth it.

Anyway, here's a link to my Sheezy art page: https://sheezy.art/azurewhitewind

That being said, I haven't used Sheezy art in so long, but it's refreshing. I love art sites and just relaxing sites like YouTube and Newgrounds.

I've been working on using those more this year and so far so good. I'm still around, I've just been busy atm. I'm also working on artwork. I appreciate y'alls support and patience.