I dunno what it is but things have just been going so smooth lately. Maybe it's the change of season, maybe it's all the extra shifts iv been doing, maybe it's the pushups I do every night, and maybe it's the fact that iv finally given up on getting high, but damn iv been feeling good lately. I mean it's just so refreshing, iv been down in the dumps for what seems like years, battling depression and mental illness, and it finally feels like I'm turning a corner. So often I find myself stopping to reflect on how beautiful life is, something I thought I would never get back. I just want to say this to anyone out there who feels lost, hopeless, or otherwise miserable, "don't give up" you have the power to heal yourself. Keep going and allways believe that no matter who you are, life can get better.

So yeah im planning on going to either dominican republic, bermuda, cuba or jamaica in may and i was wonderring about airport security checkpoints.. I plan on taking my trusty fallous with me and was just curious about anyone else who has flown with a dildo or two in their luggage. Would they point this sort of thing out or treat you otherwise differently if you had one? The last thing i want is them to search through my stuff and give me some sortof public embarressment or harrassment because of this. Also im not not taking any diapers with me due to this crap. Anyone have any airport horror stories?

Godfuckingdammit! I was really blitzed playing Marcel vs Capcom 3 online last night, and kept getting matched up with these dicks who who spam projectiles with either Phoenix, Sentinal, Magneto and I believe Trish. Ungodly it was, I could barely get a punch in, I sent each of them a more than appropriate "fuck you". I was just curious if anyone else plays these games and has any advise in regards to dealing with these fuckheads. Pardon my French.

"Raises a wine bottle" cheers!! To any and all alone on this most crappy of days. :)

Is actually cool as hell.. I gotta admit I was highly skeptical due to the tremendous failure that I deemed 13 to be (linear as fuck, no towns, poor stats/ability development, hardly any sidequests aside from a couple hunts) But 13-2 is actually quite phenomenal. Bear in mind iv only been playing roughly 5 hours, but in that time iv visited towns, done numerous sidequests, captured pokemans, chose branching paths in regards to a certain boss fight, and played around with the character customization. This is pretty much how I was envisioning 13 would be. Hot Dog! We have a wiener!

Why is it I cant link up union rooms to trade pokemon from soulsilver to black? Are they simply not compatible? I also heard something about a trade room on route 15 you have to unlock by beating it.. Please tell me it isn't so. The reason I am taking so long to finish black is because I was waiting to get a 3ds and planning to transfer over my old ones to help beat it with. Dammit.

It's annoying you know? The fact that Christmas time is here again and I am on my own, and jealously feel spite for all those with lots of love in there life, really I should just be happy for everyone else livin it up. But i can't help feel a little down. I mean it was nice to see my family for a couple hours last Sunday. But I can't help but look back and remember how much this holy time used to mean to me. Oh well I suppose its a just a part of growing old. Thank god for booze, happy holidays y'all!

So iv decided to give up the vices I have come to rely on. It finally dawned on me that all those thousands of dollars spent on grass over the years have been a hindrance. I mean sure iv had some great times, but as long as I was living this way, I have been a slave to my own desires. In order to finally break myself free I have decided to put away the bong and papers. I still like to have a beer or two in the evening and I smoke tobacco, but even these iv cut down on dramatically (no more overindulging). And I gotta say it actually feels good and refreshing. For so long I could only enjoy myself after I had a toke or two, but after a solid month of cutting back, (now completely given up) I can now say I have my ambitions back, I feel happy and entertained, kinda like how I felt in the days of my youth. After a year of unemployment Im finally working again and moving in all the right directions. Plus let's face it, we all gotta grow up someday. :)

OMG I'm in love! Iv been playing constantly since I bought it, like 20 hours in the last 3 days. This shit is crazy addictive!! JCrack!!!!

God that really bugs how that kid who liked Gaga and got all bullied an shit could throw in the towel like that. So people trash you cuz your gay, pull yourself together, go out to the clubs, get laid. Fuck Anyone who doesnt like you! And im not trying to sound insensitive but seriously, I'm willing to bet my life is much worse than yours, so if I tough it out then that don't give you much of a choice. Suck it up! Things could always be worse. This goes out there to anyone who's life is seemingly unbearable. :)

It makes me so angry to see people take pleasure in taunting/mocking other people based on their mental conditions. You wouldn't mock someone for having a physical disability (well you might if your a raging asshole) So what makes it okay to trash someone based on their hurtful mental workings? Something they have strived to improve through years of psychotherapy and medication. People who find pleasure in the misfortune of others are like a plague upon our fragile society, and in my opinion should be beaten with pool cues. In an ideal world there wouldnt be proplems such as these and the people who get there fill belittling people with the problems. That's all.

Finally a con in Toronto! Il definately be attending and likely be drunk as a skunk, if anyone out there loves/hates me this will likely be a entertaining couple of days. Hope to see you there. :)

Even after a year and a half of mental illness, I still can't fathom the idea of self harm, just seems so stupid. There are so many more fun ways to fuck up your mind/body, like drugs and booze.. I just can't get my head around people who cut themselves, and how seriously fucked up they must be to find joy in something like that. The way I see them is spoiled and usually rich bastards with picture perfect lived, who are just so damn pathetic that they can't stand not being loved/accepted or whatever. Then I look at my own life as an only child/outcast, being alone for so damn long that iv gotten used to it. Guess the term evolution applies to those who hang in there long enough.

Life is good! (after a couple of drinks) smiling now, sick later!

Is it really faith if you dont believe it will ever be rewarded? Like for example, I live life always trying to be pious, staying positive, and doing the right thing, in hopes that someday things will get better, yet at the same time expect only disappointment from the future. Is it really faith if you don't believe it? Somedays it just feels like "what's the fucking point?" It seems like a great big paradox or conundrum and the more I think about it the less sense it makes, it's starting to give me a headache. :(

Not like anyone cares or anything but today I am 24.. Really starting to feel old, and each day feels faster than the one preceding it. "sighs"

I just saw a commercial for grilled chicken at KFC. I am seriously intrigued and think il go over there tommorow. I'm so drunk right now, let's talk chicken!

We spend are days working are asses off so we have money to buy the things that we neither want nor need, meanwhile our so called authority figures police other nations so we have enough resources to fuel our greedy non sustainable lifestyles. Killers praised as heroes and minor offenses such as drugs seen as attrocities. Things will likely never change as long as the people with the power hold that power. It seems like were all on a one way track to armageddon and no one seems to care anymore. I remember years ago there was talk of our troops coming home, but no one seems to care anymore even though they finally got both Husien and Bin Ladin theres still no end in sight. Are we really the good guys in all this? Is flattening their way of life and building superhighways, suburbias and McDonalds restaurants really that important. Money rules, and you can either buy into it or be an outsider. I'm rambling obviously but I just felt the need to say I don't wanna be apart of your great big apple pie. Il be sitting on the sidelines watching as the whole thing goes up in flames. Not to sound pessimistic but this world just seems so fucked up, when things could be changed so easily but money allways wins. When sustainable choices such as hemp are made illegal so the police have people to bust and fill our prisons, one can only wonder what's the fucking point of moving forward into deeper oblivion. These are the words of a proud to be failure. Until next time, keep fucking the system.

........

Blow me.

Anyone else playing on Wutai?

And I'm not talking about those nasty pharmaceutical ones. :D

Iv been feeling really good lately, about myself and just in general. I know I tend to Complain and lash out when I get upset, but tonight it all just seems irrelevant. To all of those who put up with my bitching.. I am sorry. *offers hugs

No!! Why does this shit keep happening? This has been a terrible week..

*cries*