i know ive been off for a while i had sevral health issues im alive and cancer is in remition back to doing new art and finishing my brony friends i started befor alot of the issues started ill try to keep up with friends more

im saving to have my things shiped from pa where i used to live to where i live now in id so im doing comishions
8.00$--copies of old work
10.00$--black and whites of orignal works
15.00$--full color orignal works
u recieve thease after u send a mneygram money order and your adress to me
please note here or email angel11998822[at]gmail.com (subject art plz) the more detail u tell me on what you want the beter things will come out i can try to do back grounds im not that good at that tho sadly
can do frames for an added fee
looking like i need close to 600.00$us for the shi[ing of my things and with the help and what i can save after my bills i hope to have my things some time between july and sepetember safely here
sad i cant do digital work my digi board and graph tablit is in pa with the rest of my things i didnt bring it on the buss far of having it stolen or broken

ps...may be willing to go cheeper on items if there are 3 or more ordered like doing 3 pics that line up side by side to tell a slight story or look like a panarama type thing tho havent done that befor

well the move happend im renting from a friend in idaho ive had 2 sergries since i got back here on the 1th of jan got my net on the 3rd of feb and back online will have new art up soon looking at least 2 more sergries in the next 6 months pa docters suck assive had more help since i got back here than i did any where i have lived in the last 3 years tho i feel lonely i need new friends and i miss my horsie really bad if he sees this he knows i miss him but we cant be togather with all my love to him i say i am safe and my helth is geting beter that much is a good thing

gone like the wind in my fur im moving again and this time nomater what I WILL NOT COME BACK TO PA i need to kinda start new with my life no im not geting rid of friends i still like to talk and many of you have my phone number if ur watching me and dont have it and want to text chat note for the number befor 1-8-2012 as of that night i wont have net or a way to see this sight for least a week maybe longer depending on if i can get free net some place

well i have been under me stress as of late cant finish my suit projects every time i seem to get a head way on them i need the money for somthing elce i have a the love of my life back and am corenty trying to secure the prchas of a home if all goes well i will be moving mid jan to early feb closer to my love and some family and a verry close friend as well as leaving some family behinde its a three beroom i am trying to get my stress as a friend told me as of late has made me act like im back on drugs and that made me sob last night but the relisation of the fact that i had nearly become a stalker to my love and not a loveing partner has made me want to do better wat few true friends i have left have all but kicked my as telling me that i need to change i have a bad headache for a few days but am trying to relax and not be so damnd stupid thank you to all of my friends and the love of my life for suporting the ass that i was becoming and trying to help me see that i need to do beter for not just me but for them as well so that they do not need to worry as much

15 plus some to buy a foot brace spent the night in the er and now all druggy lol steped on a ball for a toy my room mate has and got a hairline fracture to my anchel joint 5 to 6 weeks in a brace it sucks

well i been sick but also have other issues the person that was to do 2 heads for suits still hasnt contacted me so im looking fo someone that can do then at around 60 each my art isnt going well casus i been sick i have to move soon with no place to go so thats hard too no get out date just told soon as i can i need to get out for now thats all the rant

as my old watchers see i am changing things some old work will be in scraps and so will alot of my photos but my new stuff and old clasics will still be in galary

in need of a partial suit purple badger cant afford much please note e if u make them or can least make head

to all that watch me i have verry limited net for now so noi sl and other things im sorry i have failed alot of you the past couple of years seems that all i am any more and now im on the move again and things are bad but i hope soon as i finde a place i can just hide on the net and ekkp away from all the lies and hurt that goes with the real world for a while

i shoot diffrent critters in my yard will be slapping links up

alot of theas will me the bunnys we get here


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NmVTKCVSis

i shoot diffrent critters in my yard will be slapping links up


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzThy-GocVc

A koala was sitting in a gum tree...... smoking a joint
When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,
'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala
where they enjoyed a few joints.
After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry'
and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far
over and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and
helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard,
'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he
was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree,
got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked
into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was
sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said,
'Shiiiiiiiiiiit, duuuuuude.....
How much water did you drink?!!'

---

Funny Shit From George Carlin
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be
seated closest to the bathroom.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long
period of time.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things
right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already
been established.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on
the roof and gets stuck.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an
idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people
who believe it.
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in
something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's
disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost
memories.
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't
tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for
their final exam.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy
nailed to two pieces of wood.
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize
I'm listening to it.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea
is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so
both of them together is certain death.
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of
hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have
to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus
has left town.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just
enough money not to quit.
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do
about it if I did.
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate
to have people think they don't care what people think.
Religion is just mind control.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of
things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to
work and don't have time for all that.
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are
ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
bad girls live.
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table
had an argument going.
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
The status quo sucks.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere,
someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over
there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
Think off-center. Not in the Box.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what
do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do
they?
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always
wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light,
he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem
that much more urgent.
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born
in America, you get a front row seat.
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

---

GREAT ADVICE!
If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch yo u.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout Run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
I AM THANKFUL FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME!
SEND THIS TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT ... I JUST DID
And never trust anyone until you have sniffed their butt.

---

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two
large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there's a rip in one of the bags and every once
in a while a $20 note falls out onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her. 'Ma'am, there are $20
bills falling out of your bag '
'Oh, really? Darn!' says the little old lady.
'I'd better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for
the warning!'
'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all
that money? You didn't steal it, did you?'
'Oh, no,' says the little old lady.
'You see, my back yard is right next to the parking lot of the
football stadium
Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee through the
bushes right into my flower beds!
So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper
and each
time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I
say, '$20 or off
it comes.'
'Well that seems only fair,' laughs the cop. 'Okay, good luck!
'By the way, what's in the other bag?'
'Well,' says the little old lady, 'not everybody pays.'




wel untill further notiss thats the last of the oney i have saved on the brain hope u all enjoyed them

THIS IS A GREAT ONE....READ ALL THE WAY TO THE END
FUNNY......
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the
talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the
hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the
old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of
their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again
went out to congratulate the old gentleman.
She said, 'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third
child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery,
she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well,
you surely are something else!
How do you do it?'
The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old
motor running.
The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:
Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black.'

---

A good friend of mine recently got back from
a trip to Sedona, Arizona. Sedona is the place
where New Age freakazoids are flocking because
they believe the place has mystical and healing
powers.
Anyway, my buddy said he was walking down the
street when he came across an American Indian
in full regalia with a long feather headdress
raising his right hand and saying "some" to
all the women walking by.
My buddy went up to him and said, "Don't you
mean 'how'"?
The Indian looked at him and said, "Me know how.
Me want some."

---

Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would
embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with
a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always
leading off with, "Somebody's gonna get it tonight!"
In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and
explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor.
"What you need," he said, "is a female parrot, too. I don't
have one on hand, but I'll order one. Meanwhile, you could
borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives."
Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was
immediately obvious that the parrot didn't care for the owl.
He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn't her usual
nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen
friend in for a nightcap. Suddenly, she heard the parrot
screech, and she knew that things hadn't changed.
"Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's gonna get
it tonight!" the parrot said.
The owl said, "Whoo? Whoo?"
And the parrot said, "Not you, you big-eyed bitch!"

---

Watch for these consolidations in 2011:

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R.Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2.) PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.
3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.
4.) Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.
5.) FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
6.) Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.
7.) Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.
8.) Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!
And finally..........
9.) Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: Titty Titty Bang Bang

---

Confucius Say:
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in
Front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind
Car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one
Chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many
Prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong:
Man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not
Determine who is right, war determine who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put
Husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with
Wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like
Hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in
Glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator
Smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Person who deletes this has no humor!!!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Now send it to 1
Or more people.
Nothing will happen, but 1 or more people will be laughing!

---

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he
noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little
ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the
middle. The girl was wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon was
being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a
nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied
the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
'Little partner,' the firefighter said. 'I don't want to tell you how
to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
collar, I think you could go faster.'
The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren.'

---

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could
think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and
that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.
After the service, he was approached by a woman who said,
"Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS."
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere
and he would look for it.
The following week after the service, the preacher called the
woman aside and showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode
Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

---

What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten?
An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!

---

Bill's friend Harry went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, so he asked her to dance.
She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, Harry said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"
The flattered girl told him it was Channel #5.
Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"
Honest Harry replied: "Well, I've got a hard on, but I didn't think you could smell it."

---

There was a young fellow of Harrow
Whose john was the size of a marrow.
He said to his tart,
"How's this for a start?
My balls are outside in a barrow."

---

Q: Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters
will improve your sex life?
A: Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.

---

blonde joke
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffy, in great detail. The robbery begins...
Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Buffy.
Buffy goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car. One minute passes... Two minutes pass... Seven minutes pass... and Judy is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffy. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Buffy said, "I did... I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

---

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the
Obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but
I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both
have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on
both sides had jet-black hair for generations."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have
sex?"
The man seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Well, there you have it!" the doctor said. "It's rust."

---

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven.
Others though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning fire.
But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.
After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him.
So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.
"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for Judgment, but I couldn't help wondering. Why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires with the others?"
"Oh those . ." Satan groaned. "They're all from Iowa.
They're still too cold and wet to burn."

Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.
...........................................................................
I ran in to Bill the other day and he clearly looked very distraught. I asked him what was wrong.
Bill said, "As you know, I am looking for employment.
I found an ad in the paper for a part in local dinner theater, Shakespeare' s Romeo and Juliet.
I went and tried out for the part of Romeo. However, I failed my audition through a misunderstanding over a simple stage direction.
My copy of the script clearly said, "Enter Juliet from the rear."
..........................................................................................
There was a young fool name of Raines,
To get laid, he'd go to great pains,
Never a genius,
He thought with his penis,
But his prick was as dumb as his brains.
..................................................................................
Wendy meets Tammy for lunch. "You're looking very tired today, Tammy. Did you have a late night?"
"Yes," replies Tammy, "but it was all very strange. While doing some gardening yesterday, I found a lamp, so I rubbed it and out popped a genie.
He gave me a choice of two wishes."
"Wow," says Wendy, "so what were the choices he gave you, Tammy?"
"He said he could either give me an excellent, sharp, 100% memory or else he could give my boyfriend a bigger penis."
"So tell me already, Tammy, what did you choose?"
"I can't remember," replies Tammy.
..............................................................................
Mrs. Grednick, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her weight-watchers meeting.
"My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure," she lamented to the woman next
to her.
"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that? You'll feel better, too."
"You don't understand. He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings."
.........................................................................................
Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year.
...........................................................................................

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am
I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"
The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray
to God about that and ask him."
So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you
are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still
don't understand what I am because God just said,
'You are what you are.'"
The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
..............................................................................................................
Little Johnny was taking confession, and he told the priest
that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this
a sin, Father?" he asked.
The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it
is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."
Q. How can you tell when a pig is in heat?
A. She buys the first two rounds!

---

THE PUNS
Men screw with dicks; women screw with minds.
The really cool thing about dating bisexuals is that if you ever had a
sex change operation, they'd probably still want to date you.
It looked like the car was stranded on a lonely road, so the farmer
pulled up along side and asked, "What's the matter? Out of gas?" "No,"
came the answer from the guy inside. "Engine trouble?" "No." "Tire
down?" "No, didn't have to."
If Jack helped you off a horse, would you help jack off a horse?
According to "Nature Biotechnology, " scientists have implanted human
DNA into female goats. But is that really new? Lonely farmers have
been doing that for years.
Hey, did you hear about this Latina gal who was also-called Expert at
oral sex? Men all over the Rio Grande referred to her as, "the Gulp of
Mexico!"
I was talking to a friend of mine, and he told me that he's been
married a little over four years. He told me he was celebrating his
"Wooden" anniversary. I asked what a "wooden" anniversary was. He
said, "I asked her to give me a blow job and she wooden."
What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
What is 77?
Just like 69, but you get 8 more!
OTHER HUMOR
Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.
Menstruation: Dad told me many MEN-STRAY-SON when that time of the
month rolls around. (Ken Pinkham)
Confucius Says... "Rape is impossible. Woman run faster with skirt up,
than Man with pants down."
Hanging wallpaper is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover
her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light
your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

=====A little humor to brighten your day
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS,
THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.'
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.
HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE, I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'
'A WITCH ?? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'

---

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE OLD PEOPLE
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens

---

When cardboard men come in handy
A car gets a flat on the interstate one day.
The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the
road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.
She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands
them at the rear of the vehicle facing on coming traffic.
The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats
exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.
It isn't very long before a police car arrives.
The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle
yelling, 'What's going on here?'
'My car broke down, officer' says the woman calmly.
'Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?'
he asks.
'Helllooooooo!! !!' says the blonde.
'Those are my emergency flashers!'

Two out of work bums decided that they would be better off in a more downtown location...so they hitched a ride.
The driver dropped them off in the city's red-light district.
A hooker approached one of the bums and said, "Hey guy...would you like a hand job?"
The bum shook his head and said, "errr...no its okay!"
A few minutes later another hooker approached the bums and said, "Hey guy...would you like a blow job?"
The bum again shook his head and said, "errr...no its okay!"
After the hooker left the bum turned to his buddy and said, "We'd better go back where we came from, we've only been here 10 minutes and we've been offered two jobs already!"

====================================================================

There was a young lady named Hicks
Who delighted to play with men's pricks,
Which she would embellish
With evident relish,
And make then stand up and do tricks.

---

Two men were in the pub discussing their latest sexual conquests.
The first man says he picked up this girl last week and they agreed to go back to his house and have sex.
Once in the house the girl stripped off her clothes, lay down on the bed with legs apart and panted, "I want you to give me twelve inches and make me bleed."
The second man not for one moment believed his friend was that well-hung, asked what he did.
"Well" he says, "What could I do - I laid her twice and smacked her in the face!"

---

The Blonde's Date
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
"What a Great Chest you have!"
He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive Calves
you have!"
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, baby."
He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why she ran
Out of the apartment like that.
Scroll down.......
.
.
The blonde replies, : I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!

Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"

---

There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went on a date with a Builder
She knew that he could
And he should and he would
And he did, and it bloody nigh killed her!

---

This trucker had been driving his eighteen wheeler for hours and he was hot and tired so he stopped at his favorite brothel he'd patronize for years.
Mabel answers the door and says "Hey there Ed. What can I do for you."
Ed replies, "You know I've been trading here for twenty years and this time I'd like something different."
"Well" says Mabel, "we got Annie, Betty and Lucy - she takes it up the 'attic'".
"Hell no, I want something different" says Ed.
Mabel says, "Oh, I'll send Hurricane Jessie. She's new. Now you go on to your room."
Ed goes to his room and gets all prepared. Soon this big Amazon of a gal comes in and she's puffing and a blowing. She straddles old Ed and starts swinging back and forth, her big boobs just knocking hell outa his head.
He cried, "What in hell's going on?"
"I'm Hurricane Jessie and that's the coconuts falling off the coconut trees".
Pretty soon she starts pissing all over him and says this is the monsoon rains that come with the hurricane.
Ed jumps off the bed and Hurricane Jessie says, "What's wrong honey, don't you like it?"
He said,"I'm leaving. Who in hell could fuck in this kind of weather?!"

---

Two boys are visiting their cousin in the country when they decide to go for a walk down the back roads.
After about three miles they find a used rubber lying by the road.
"Hey," one of the dumbass city boys says, "look, a poor cow lost one of its titties!"
"Let's go give it to the farmer!" the other one says.
So, they work they way up to the farm house.
They knock on the door and out comes the farmer.
"Hey, Mister, we found a cow titty. Ya want it back?"
The farmer, not in the mood for conducting a Sex-Ed seminar, said, "Sure, boys, here's a dollar for your trouble."
The boys hand over the rubber and head on back down the road.
After a little while one says to the other, "You know, lardass, we could have got more than a buck if you hadn't drank the darn milk!"

---

Two hot young ladies are talking one afternoon about the weekend just past. The first named Faba, and the second, Mujo, discussed Faba's
last date:
"You know what Mujo, I was out last night with an intellectual type, " Faba declared.
"What's that? What's do you mean intellectual type?" Mujo asked with curiosity.
"Well, I mean I was dating a man who is very intellectual and intelligent, " explained Faba to her friend.
Mujo giggles, and asked, "So, how was it?"
"First, he took me to dinner. Then he took me to a cinema movie. And then he took me out for a drive. After all that, he took me to his house. He began an intellectual conversation. And finally, he took out his penis."
"What is this word, 'penis'," Mujo asked, unfamiliar with the clinical terminology.
"Oh, it is what intellectuals have. It looks like a dick, just much smaller !"

---

Why did God give women nipples?
To make suckers out of men.

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.
Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.
My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.
I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.
A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.
"Information."
"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.
"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.
"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.
"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.
I said I could.
"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math.
She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called,
Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, " Wayne always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."
Somehow I felt better.
Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."
"Information," said in the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?" I asked.
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest . When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston . I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.
Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle . I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please."
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
"Information."
I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell fix?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."
I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"
I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your call meant to me.
I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."
I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.
"Please do", she said. "Just ask for Sally."
Three months later I was back in Seattle . A different voice answered,
"Information." I asked for Sally.
"Are you a friend?" she said.
"Yes, a very old friend," I answered.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she said. "Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."
Before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne ?" "Yes." I answered.
"Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called.
Let me read it to you."
The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in.
He'll know what I mean."
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.
Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.
Whose life have you touched today?
Why not pass this on? I just did....
Lifting you on eagle's wings. May you find the joy and peace you long for.
Life is a journey ... NOT a guided tour.
I loved this story and just had to pass it on. I hope you enjoy
it and get a blessing



Mt mother sent me that and u all know its too sweet not to shair b4 i loose net for a while :D

A man thought his wife was chearting on him. Since he didn't have a
lot of money
to hire an expensive private envesttigator, so he decided to go with
a much cheaper
one--a chinese man named Mr. Lee
The following day he received this report
Most honorable Sir;
You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she
leave house.
I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He
kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I
play with me. I fall
off tree. I not see. No fee.

---

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After
they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
'Kemosabe, look towards sky; what you see?'
The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of
galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter
past
three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful ,
and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?'
'You dumber than buffalo shit. Someone stole tent.'

---

AMAZING HOME REMEDIES
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE
ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY
USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR
A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE
A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM
ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
BE TOO AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T
MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE
DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR
ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE
STAIRS

---

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team
rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great
time,
when one of them realized she hadn't heard
anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reached the
top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the
road,
clutching the seats in front of them with
white knuckles.
The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here?
We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looked up at her,
swallowed hard and whispered...
"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"

Hair Removal....
This is funny. (I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A
HOOT!)
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal -
The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
Read on......
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next
few hours:
'Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those
'cold wax' kits.
No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your
hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg
(or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to
figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together.
Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the
hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I
lay the strip across my thigh.
Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north.
After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the
ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the r ight side of
my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down
to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!!
Blinded from pain!!!!....
OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half thestrip. CRAP!
Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe............
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy -
a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my
hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease m y head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair.
The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!
I touch.
I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped
upon the toilet?
I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut!
My butt is sealed shut.
Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself
'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!'
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse
the wax-covered bits and the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub -
The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war
or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together,
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the
tub...in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented
myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone

---

The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.
One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.
He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his
parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock?' All the men stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?' All the women stood up .
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?'
Half the women stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?'
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
The priest fainted.

---

Subject: Dentist!!!
A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a Novocaine syringe to give the man a shot.
'No way!! No needles!! I hate needles', the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up a laughing gas and the man objects.
'I can't do the gas thing. I'm claustrophobic. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!!'
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
'No objection', says the patient, 'I'm fine with pills'.
The dentist then returns and says, 'here's a Viagra tablet'.
The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'
'It doesn't,' said the dentist, 'but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth!!'

my net will be off for 2 or 3 weeks im not sure on aneything excat so theas 2 postings for the jokes will be my last for a while i hope u enjoy them

put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued
together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal
but she does try to hide her laughter from me .
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking
cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side
of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the
wax off with a razor .
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!
It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs
up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE........ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......

---

It's fun to cook for Tom . Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So
I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the
rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it
improved the rice any.
Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare
ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me
why I was rolling around in the garden.
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl
and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I
got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius..
I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very
exciting week! I'm eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new
recipe on Tom . If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like
to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

---

A Texas woodpecker and a New Mexico woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.
The Texas woodpecker said Texas had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The New Mexico woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Texas woodpecker was amazed.
The New Mexico woodpecker then challenged the Texas woodpecker to peck a tree in New Mexico that was absolutely im-peck-able (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Texas woodpecker expressed confidence, said he could do it and accepted the challenge.
So the two flew to New Mexico where the Texas woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called im-peck-able tree with no problem.
Both woodpeckers were terribly confused. How is it that the New Mexico woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree and the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the New Mexico tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own state?? Huh?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:......
Apparently your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

Miss Snow White she was a randy cow
And desperate for a fuck,
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some luck.
She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage,
And went in for a poke.
Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her pants,
When seven dwarves came marching in,
With a merry song and dance.
Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven,
Originally wanting one good shag,
But now she could have seven.
Straight away she took command,
"My fanny needs a lick!"
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said "Oi-you'd better drop your pick"
So down he went onto all fours,
And said "I ain't licking that",
"Not there, that is my arse-hole,
You DOPEY little prat!"
The next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL,
Unless you're a fucking queer"
So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big "High-Ho".
As she rode upon his tool.
Now one dwarf wasn't smiling.
Cos he hadn't had a sniff,
And due to his impatience,
He couldn't raise a stiff.
"Relax" you GRUMPY bastard",
So he did as he was told,
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fuckin load.
The next dwarf got a blow-job,
And she took him deep quite easy,
But she just avoided brain-damage,
When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.
With three dwarves left, she turned and said,
"You're next, I want your knob!"
But no sooner had he entered her,
he was sleeping on the job.
"Wake up you SLEEPY bastard"
She wanted more from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy quim.
The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her fanny raw,
A dazed Snow White then whimpered.
"That should be against the law."
He made poor Snow White tremble,
he was so big and thick.
"No wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that fucking great big prick"
With one dwarf still remaining,
but feeling rather sore,
She said "You'll have to use your tongue,
My twat can't take no more!"
And so he put his tongue to work,
Where others had placed their cocks,
And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last dwarf DOC.
Now Snow White couldn't do much,
With all that spadge inside her quim,
So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
And filled it to the brim.
So there's the truth about the dwarves,
And how they got their names,
By satisfying Miss Snow White,
And joining in her games.
There's one more thing you need to know,
And that's - What happened to that cup,
Well think of what you're drinking.

---

A third grade school teacher is trying to explain to her class the difference between singular and plural.

She says, "What is it if one woman looks out a window?"

Little Maury replies, "Singular!"

"Very good," says the teacher. "What is it if five women are looking out of a window?"

Little Pauly raises his hand and says, "A brothel!"

---

She demanded I gave her affection
Then opened her thighs for inspection;
I found her quite neat
'Til I noticed the fleas
And immediately lost my erection.