Sorry that it's so short.

Things are hard.

Hello all.

Unfortunately, as the title suggests, I have not had the time to continue to add content. I have a new section completed, but I won't have time to edit it properly until after this weekend.

I'm hoping to do the editing Saturday and Sunday, but I don't know if I'll have the time. I'm going on a trip and am hoping to edit on the flight, but I don't know if other things will come up or if I'll even be able to.

I promise that Wretched Gifts will continue. I've just had all my free time eaten up lately with, well, daily life.

Thank you all for understanding. And if you're here reading this instead of the posts I promised, I will try to make things up to you. Somehow.

Hello everyone,

Putting out Wretched Gifts this week was very difficult. It wasn't at the level of quality I was hoping. I've already gone back to part 32 and made some small changes since originally posting it yesterday because I was unhappy with the flow. And I may go back and make MORE changes. ((EDIT: I have changed more things AGAIN. If you've read it already, please check it again. I think it might be better now. Not perfect, but better.)) This is mostly due to the fact that I've had a big change in my work schedule (mentioned previously), and next week I'll be working even later during the week.

I've been neglecting some things in my personal life to focus on getting content out every Friday. I think I need a little break to acclimate to my new work conditions and meet some of my neglected obligations.

Have no fear, I will still be working on Wretched Gifts! I've already started the next section. However, slowing down a bit will do me a world of good. And I think it will make for a much better next-few-sections since we are technically moving into what I would consider the beginning of the climax of the story.

I want to end this narrative with the level of detail and quality it deserves - it deserves the best I can give. So, that means more time.

Thank you all for reading along with my. . . Adventure? Journal? I don't know. But thanks. Seeing your names pop up every week or so with a +fav really helps motivate me. Little things, that end up meaning a lot. Thank you, FA readers.

I will polish something old to give you this friday. Maybe more In Bloom.

Brain is soup.
Skull is bowl.

Soul is slop.
Body is mop.

Hey all!

I'm really hoping to have a Friday update for you. But I have had a very drastic change in my work schedule which is really doing harm to my daily pattern. It may take me some time to readjust to this new schedule. So, if I'm not able to post this Friday, please forgive me.

There are SO MANY talented people in the world.

I am just constantly amazed. That is all.

Wow. I managed to get so much done this week.

I just finished my first edit, and even before the second edit there is enough material that I could split it into two weeks.

Instead of doing that, I'm going to publish everything I wrote this week. I'm going to keep trying to add new material each week, but this feels better as a fully encapsulated section rather than two.

If I run out of steam before the next update day (Aug 1st, not tomorrow the 25th), I might take the week off. We'll see. I hope that won't happen, but I want to keep my options open. Because I'm greedy.

About this week, though. Even though there will be a big post, this week's subject matter was still very difficult for me to write. Look for an Adult Content warning this week. Read at your own risk. There are some things that, even though they are terrible, must be written. To fail to shine a light on them is to pretend that they don't exist. We can't be afraid to look, or to feel, just because we know it's wrong. When we turn away, evil thrives. When we pretend it doesn't exist in the world because it makes us uncomfortable, we give it a place to grow unchallenged.

Not everything is an adventure. And we need to remember that choice is shaped by experience.

Hello all!

I have tried to get stuff down this week, but it has been very busy. I want to say that there will be no update this week, but the last time I said that I was able to squeak in before the cutoff.

So, instead, I'll say that I have material written but it isn't edited and I don't even know if I should post it in the first place. It makes me wonder how many professional authors just throw out whole sections they don't like. I feel like this stuff is narrative relevant but largely uninteresting to readers. Especially after everything that has developed. It feels like going backwards rather than building material forward.

I'm going to write and edit today. Who knows if I'll finish. Or even if I do, if I'll post. I might just throw it out and try over next week.

Sorry if I don't make it to post. I might have more In Bloom to make up for it.

EDIT: I promised a few weeks ago that I would post what I have. We're week-to-week now, after all.

So, here it is. I don't think this section is worth posting. But, this isn't a novel. Not really. It's something else. I don't know what.

Hello!

If you are one of my readers, it would mean the world to me if, should you enjoy Wretched Gifts, you would please encourage your like-minded friends to give it a try.

Thanks!

P.S. I am having fun writing this week, so there will be content even if shorter than normal.

I didn't think I would!

But I finished enough to post this week. It might also be small, but smaller isn't bad if I can keep my schedule.

This week, like last, has only been edited one time. So, in a sense it is still raw.

But that's okay.

I hope you all like it. This is the beginning of the end.

I'm sorry. I couldn't make it this time.

I could blame the holiday, but it wouldn't be true.

Sorry.

I am a lie the universe told itself and then forgot to believe.

I'm sorry you all saw what I am.

Can't take it back now.

Too late.

I really wanted to have more wretched gifts for you than I was able to submit today. My week just happened to fly away from me in more ways than one.

At least it's something, even if its short.

To make up for it, here is some more of In Bloom. Do with that information what you will.

Hopefully, there will be more opportunities to write next week.

Look at that. I somehow actually got writing done this week.

I only JUST finished editing it. And I only edited the material in part 24 once.

There is a HIGH likelihood that you will find errors. If you do, let me know please.

Hope you all enjoy it. We are getting close to the climax. No pun intended.

Time has a way of showing us that we deserved it all along.

So, it's a little smaller than usual, but I did manage to write enough in the last few days to post something today.

Maybe I'm broken and need the imminent deadline to put writing top of the priority list?

I don't know. This section is barely edited. If you happen to find mistakes, let me know and I'll fix them.

Thanks for reading, everyone. It means the world to me that people, no matter how few, are enjoying the story.

I missed my Friday upload this week.

I thought that I'd just wait until the next Friday to post section 22.

Then I thought, Fuck It.

I've been having a time of it lately.

I haven't been able to add new material to Wretched Gifts in more than a month.

So, that means this is all of it. You are all now exactly where I am. There is no content waiting to be published anymore.

Everything from here on out is however much I can get done in a given week.

I'm going to try to get my goddamn life together and scrape off all the barnacles of malaise and apathy and start writing again at the pace I was earlier in the year.

But as of this moment, I don't know when the next section of Wretched Gifts will come.

I set out to finish a story - really finish it to say it was done with a beginning, middle, and end.

I hope I can. I really hope I can.

For some reason, I thought it would be easier to write more stories once I had at least finished ONE.

Turns out that wasn't true. It's hard the whole fuckin time.

I still want to finish. And I have some vacation time coming soon. If my country doesn't fall apart in the next few months, I think I will be able to finish. I hope I'll be able to finish.

Wish me luck, friends and lovelies.

Wish me luck.

Has it's up and downs.

Sometimes the ups,

Outnumber the downs.

But not in Nottingham.

---

On top of personal stuff, my work terminated a program yesterday that I piloted. Started from nothing. Spent three and a half years, thousands of hours on outside of work, and a lot of effort on. Developed, wrote, processed, and got certifications for. Advertised and . . . Well, everything. I did everything. With no help. All by myself. All for the betterment and enjoyment of others.

I loved it. It was my creation. And it was a success. Other people loved it, too.

Gone. Just like that, it's dead.

I don't even know what to feel.

Have to go into work again today. The once thing that made it worth while is gone.

I said recently that my hands only break.

But that's not entirely true.

I've put people together.

Many times.

Built up whole people from nothing.

From the discarded fragments that were broken

By others,

By lovers,

By fate,

By the world.

But I can't seem to keep them

In my life.

They walk away.

When they don't need me

Anymore.

Because now they're whole

And I'm not.

I've tried to put myself together, too.

But no matter how

I reassemble myself

There's always something missing.

So I never fit.

Not even with the people I pulled up from the river

And put back together from pieces.

So I thought I could create a place,

A home,

Where everything was made

To fit with me,

Make it me-shaped.

Hold them all up.

Let them lean on me.

Make them happy.

Like always,

These hands of mine are poison.

Because everything they hold breaks

Or leaves

No matter how gently I try

To hold on.

It breaks because I feel,

Or I'm an easy target,

Or maybe because I can't fight back.

The outcome is the same.

I just want to fit.

I just want in.

But I could't even build a place where I belonged.

And it turns out my life is for everyone but me.

. . .

Some monsters never mean to be scary.

So they go quiet

Instead of feeling.

Because feeling is dangerous.

Because anything but smiles

Looks like teeth.

And when they forget

What feelings looked like,

Well, then, quiet looks dangerous, too.

Hey all.

I have edited part 21. I think it's better now.

But it might not be.

Never forget that I have no idea what I am doing. Ever. If I sound like I do, then I've done a decent job of pretending.

Because what the actual fuck is reality?

I dunno.

As a kind of apology for submitting the same section twice, I have also submitted a new section of In Bloom.

A shitty apology, but it's what I have.

Have a song.

You ever type a letter or text message and send it, then later re-read it and hate everything you did? That's how I feel about part 21.

I think I'll take it down and fix it. I tried to read it and the pacing is terrible. So are the descriptions. It's clear I should have edited it another time before posting.

It's Thursday the twenty-second of May.

I'm posting this week's Wretched Gifts early. I'm also posting NEXT WEEK'S.

I need time. I don't know. Maybe posting all of it right now will help me clear the emotional cobwebs.

This week comes with a content warning. It is likely triggering for many.

Anyway. It is what is is.

I have hope that I'll be able to come back June 6th with new parts to submit. I don't know if I will. I feel like everything is keeping me away from this lately. I don't know what to do.

I have been so sick.

On top of my back issues.

Nothing beats coughing fits with a bad back.

I've been thinking of Wretched Gifts even if I haven't been able to write.

I suppose this may be a cosmic kind of justice. One that reminds us of the punishments we deserve once things have been going well enough to make us forget.

A vicious cycle wherein we live in the moment too much and forget to watch over our shoulders lest the past find us unawares.

I've been thinking lately, wondering what it is I'm even doing on here, posting this story. I break most of the rules of good writing. I use words most people won't know. It's a nightmare for non-native speakers. I break rules of grammar and syntax like they never mattered. Who can even understand it?

I don't know. It all seems so pointless lately. Not just this, but everything else, too. Just. . . All of it seems so empty and pointless.

I'd say that I wish I was a tree, but how many old ones are left? I feel factory farmed. Like a cheap imitation of every skilled person I've ever met.

I haven't been on much. I think only Dem reads these (Hi Dem!) but in case any other readers do, I am ill.

Not in an "I'll get better in a few days" kind of ill. I have nerve damage in my leg and lower back. It's a lifetime of problems forever, and sometimes it gets bad. Hospital, bed-ridden, can't move bad. Sometimes it only gets a little bad. I can't ever tell which.

Well, it's been bad this last week. Not hospital bad, I still had to work, but it hurt enough that I did nothing else. Couldn't sit for very long. It meant no writing. No editing.

I'll be visiting the hospital tomorrow for an outpatient procedure that should help alleviate some of the pain. I hope it will let me write some more.

I'll still post tomorrow. Luckily, I am excellent at giving myself imaginary deadlines and then wanting to be overprepared for them.

So, cheers, I guess?

Bye for now.