So, it's a little smaller than usual, but I did manage to write enough in the last few days to post something today.

Maybe I'm broken and need the imminent deadline to put writing top of the priority list?

I don't know. This section is barely edited. If you happen to find mistakes, let me know and I'll fix them.

Thanks for reading, everyone. It means the world to me that people, no matter how few, are enjoying the story.

I missed my Friday upload this week.

I thought that I'd just wait until the next Friday to post section 22.

Then I thought, Fuck It.

I've been having a time of it lately.

I haven't been able to add new material to Wretched Gifts in more than a month.

So, that means this is all of it. You are all now exactly where I am. There is no content waiting to be published anymore.

Everything from here on out is however much I can get done in a given week.

I'm going to try to get my goddamn life together and scrape off all the barnacles of malaise and apathy and start writing again at the pace I was earlier in the year.

But as of this moment, I don't know when the next section of Wretched Gifts will come.

I set out to finish a story - really finish it to say it was done with a beginning, middle, and end.

I hope I can. I really hope I can.

For some reason, I thought it would be easier to write more stories once I had at least finished ONE.

Turns out that wasn't true. It's hard the whole fuckin time.

I still want to finish. And I have some vacation time coming soon. If my country doesn't fall apart in the next few months, I think I will be able to finish. I hope I'll be able to finish.

Wish me luck, friends and lovelies.

Wish me luck.

Has it's up and downs.

Sometimes the ups,

Outnumber the downs.

But not in Nottingham.

---

On top of personal stuff, my work terminated a program yesterday that I piloted. Started from nothing. Spent three and a half years, thousands of hours on outside of work, and a lot of effort on. Developed, wrote, processed, and got certifications for. Advertised and . . . Well, everything. I did everything. With no help. All by myself. All for the betterment and enjoyment of others.

I loved it. It was my creation. And it was a success. Other people loved it, too.

Gone. Just like that, it's dead.

I don't even know what to feel.

Have to go into work again today. The once thing that made it worth while is gone.

I said recently that my hands only break.

But that's not entirely true.

I've put people together.

Many times.

Built up whole people from nothing.

From the discarded fragments that were broken

By others,

By lovers,

By fate,

By the world.

But I can't seem to keep them

In my life.

They walk away.

When they don't need me

Anymore.

Because now they're whole

And I'm not.

I've tried to put myself together, too.

But no matter how

I reassemble myself

There's always something missing.

So I never fit.

Not even with the people I pulled up from the river

And put back together from pieces.

So I thought I could create a place,

A home,

Where everything was made

To fit with me,

Make it me-shaped.

Hold them all up.

Let them lean on me.

Make them happy.

Like always,

These hands of mine are poison.

Because everything they hold breaks

Or leaves

No matter how gently I try

To hold on.

It breaks because I feel,

Or I'm an easy target,

Or maybe because I can't fight back.

The outcome is the same.

I just want to fit.

I just want in.

But I could't even build a place where I belonged.

And it turns out my life is for everyone but me.

. . .

Some monsters never mean to be scary.

So they go quiet

Instead of feeling.

Because feeling is dangerous.

Because anything but smiles

Looks like teeth.

And when they forget

What feelings looked like,

Well, then, quiet looks dangerous, too.

Hey all.

I have edited part 21. I think it's better now.

But it might not be.

Never forget that I have no idea what I am doing. Ever. If I sound like I do, then I've done a decent job of pretending.

Because what the actual fuck is reality?

I dunno.

As a kind of apology for submitting the same section twice, I have also submitted a new section of In Bloom.

A shitty apology, but it's what I have.

Have a song.

You ever type a letter or text message and send it, then later re-read it and hate everything you did? That's how I feel about part 21.

I think I'll take it down and fix it. I tried to read it and the pacing is terrible. So are the descriptions. It's clear I should have edited it another time before posting.

It's Thursday the twenty-second of May.

I'm posting this week's Wretched Gifts early. I'm also posting NEXT WEEK'S.

I need time. I don't know. Maybe posting all of it right now will help me clear the emotional cobwebs.

This week comes with a content warning. It is likely triggering for many.

Anyway. It is what is is.

I have hope that I'll be able to come back June 6th with new parts to submit. I don't know if I will. I feel like everything is keeping me away from this lately. I don't know what to do.

I have been so sick.

On top of my back issues.

Nothing beats coughing fits with a bad back.

I've been thinking of Wretched Gifts even if I haven't been able to write.

I suppose this may be a cosmic kind of justice. One that reminds us of the punishments we deserve once things have been going well enough to make us forget.

A vicious cycle wherein we live in the moment too much and forget to watch over our shoulders lest the past find us unawares.

I've been thinking lately, wondering what it is I'm even doing on here, posting this story. I break most of the rules of good writing. I use words most people won't know. It's a nightmare for non-native speakers. I break rules of grammar and syntax like they never mattered. Who can even understand it?

I don't know. It all seems so pointless lately. Not just this, but everything else, too. Just. . . All of it seems so empty and pointless.

I'd say that I wish I was a tree, but how many old ones are left? I feel factory farmed. Like a cheap imitation of every skilled person I've ever met.

I haven't been on much. I think only Dem reads these (Hi Dem!) but in case any other readers do, I am ill.

Not in an "I'll get better in a few days" kind of ill. I have nerve damage in my leg and lower back. It's a lifetime of problems forever, and sometimes it gets bad. Hospital, bed-ridden, can't move bad. Sometimes it only gets a little bad. I can't ever tell which.

Well, it's been bad this last week. Not hospital bad, I still had to work, but it hurt enough that I did nothing else. Couldn't sit for very long. It meant no writing. No editing.

I'll be visiting the hospital tomorrow for an outpatient procedure that should help alleviate some of the pain. I hope it will let me write some more.

I'll still post tomorrow. Luckily, I am excellent at giving myself imaginary deadlines and then wanting to be overprepared for them.

So, cheers, I guess?

Bye for now.

Wretched Gifts is back with part 18.

Parts 19 - 21 are ready for publishing and are waiting for their respective Fridays to be uploaded. I am part way through Part 22.

I hit a stumbling block lately. I know what happens next, but I'm not sure how to get there.

has been kind enough to share some music with me that has helped in this process. If any of you out there have any inspiring music you'd like to share, I'd love to hear it.

Post it in the comments for us.

Also, for those who have been reading In Bloom, I have more I can post and will do so if there is an ongoing interest. Perhaps during the week.

Welcome back. I suppose I should welcome you back to our den of vice and sin with a post.

Hello readers.

Since the site is down, the next post will be when it is back up.

This is really the only place on the internet to post it.

Bluesky doesn't allow text-posts. Other sites have character limits.

I hope FA comes back.

Hello to my small community of readers.

It is time for the next Wretched Gifts post. Just like the previous one, this post is quite long. In order not to artificially split sections, I will be posting the entire set today. I will try to post again next Friday and get back on schedule. I hope.

There is a part of me that is worried I won't have time to write or edit. Since I last posted Wretched Gifts two weeks ago, I've had maybe two evenings to add to the story and even less time to edit.

In any case, I hope you enjoy this week's post. It is. . .graphic. And things will begin to get more and more graphic as the story continues. We are about to enter into the arena of the unwell.

What portal does the child now see
Wherein the void
Is all remains of me

What tine shall quiver
Whilst tide draws in
And lays at our feet
A bounty of sin

That which lie buried
In pillory of brine
To be ravaged
Exposed
Espoused
Without

Bones, scour
Meat, devour

Therein a doorway
A threshold of flesh
I see them

Do fleas flee a corpse when the blood is cold?
Or when it ceases to flow?
Abandoned in liminal sway

Neck stretched
To find perspective
Dusk on a drop
As it falls away.

You taught us to claw,
Put us through your speech.
If I'm a red anchor,
Then you're coming with me.
And on the way down,
You can sleep with the fish.
As we go into the blue
We can both reminisce.
So you better hide
Or learn how to climb
'Cause you're coming with me
Yeah, you're coming with me.



Sometimes I feel like I'm made out of TV static and cigarette smoke. My reflection is the sound of a dying dial-up modem and a floppy disk spinning up to proper RPMs. I leave a shadow that consists entirely of the smell of burned rubber, ozone, and lies. My blood is caffeine and spite.

The world ended and nobody noticed. Not even me.

I have had no time to do anything this week. I've had 16 hour work days back-to-back-to-back.

No writing has happened. No editing.

There's even a few things I wanted to read and haven't been able to. As soon as I am home, I fall asleep. There hasn't even been time for regular life maintenance. It has made me aware of a few things.

One: I have not been able to meet interpersonal obligations. Tonight is the first hour I have had to myself since last Sunday. I fear that I may harm people who do not deserve it, people who were counting on me. Not only does this pain me, but it makes me anxious that those people may drift away because I can't meet expectations.

Two: There will come a time where I will not be able to keep up with the weekly pace I have been. I try to write a page or two per night, but that seems impossible lately. I may have to shift to submitting twice a month for a while until things calm down. My experience is that they rarely do. Temporary extra work too quickly becomes permanent.

Three: I have more in common with some of my characters than I first thought. I am more than just tired.

If I miss posting this week, or next, please forgive me. There may be only a few people who read my story, but I still want to keep my promise to post every week for those that do. Every reader is important to me and I don't want to have them drift off and lose interested because I couldn't get work out.

Sorry, everyone.

The Wild One

The Bones of You

To the Sun

No Good Mr. Holden

No Way Out but Down

I Am in Great Pain, Please Help Me

Citizen of Glass

Cannibal Within

Greensky Greenlake

In the Pines

Devil Like Me

Reduced to Teeth

Degausser

Broken Bottles

First Prayer

Mosquito Song

In This Shirt

Solitude

And So I Watch You From Afar

Golden Ticket

Cycling Trivialities

Misanthropic Drunken Loner

The Humbling River

Ne Me Quitte Pas

Let Me In

The Last Man

Fade

Citizen Erased

Tongues & Teeth

Falling in Line

Hope for Now

The Bird that Lived in a Burning Tree

The second Adult-Rated section of Wretched Gifts will release next week with Part 10. It was not intended to be exactly 5 parts later, it just happened that way - I promise.

(This Space Intentionally Left Blank)

7th February 2025

I am filled with terrible choices and a bit of writer's block. I keep rewriting the current sections. I am just not happy with them. I have a hard time capturing complicated action. The way that I see these stories unfold, there's just too much to see all at once. I'm not fast enough.

Still, I promise to try.

As a side note, how you humans and monsters can consume caffeine astounds me. My horns lost their velvet long ago, but caffeine makes them feel like they're in their first peel all over again. I thought that Monster was for monsters, but turns out you actually need a liver to drink it. I think this is how EDM was invented.

Thursday, 30th of January 2025

Friday promises to be rather busy, so I thought I'd upload early.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading so far. I hope you continue to do so, and I hope I can continue to add material at this pace until the story is finished.

23rd January 2025

I'm excited to update tomorrow and have you all meet someone new and a little less arcane.

I've spent a lot of time editing this week in hopes of giving a better finished product. I tend to ramble and I think my sentences trend heavily towards running.

If you've read up until now, thank you. I hope you keep coming back.

Sometimes hurt we thought was in the past rears its head and demolishes the day. Demolishes joy. Shatters will. How many times will I need to reassemble these pieces? It's boring. And annoying. I'd rather be doing anything else.

Emotions are a burden.

Friday 10th January 2025

I have resolved to post new sections of Wretched Gifts weekly. Hopefully, doing so will provide some excitement for readers and some time for me to put the story down on a page.

After much consideration I have chosen Friday evenings as the update time.

Section 4 of Wretched Gifts will be uploaded this evening.

Next week, Section 5 will be posted. It is the first section with graphic content. You have been warned.

For those wondering, I am currently editing the 10th section. Hopefully a month's time will see more sections added. Sometimes these lives are difficult to pull from the aether to share with you.

Other places and people can be loud in my mind for a time, they drown out others with their need to be shared. Someday soon a Bloom will come. I have seen it.




If you like to read, I hope you'll take some time for stories of mine.

Nothing would make me happier than to know that someone else carries this story with them and thinks on it from time to time.

I have finally been able to post the first parts of Wretched Gifts.

Part 4 to be posted next week.

If you like to read, I hope you'll take some time for stories of mine.