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[SIGNAL BOOST] - Bar YCH at a purdy darn good price~!
Posted 6 years agoHey everyone! Giving a big shout out to 
azzibell!
She's got herself a nice YCH going that you might be interested in! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31927287/
$25 for a fully shaded and coloured picture of ya guy or gal at the bar, looking fine~!
Be sure to check out her other stuff too, and be on the lookout for some more goodies comin' soon~!
azzibell!She's got herself a nice YCH going that you might be interested in! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31927287/
$25 for a fully shaded and coloured picture of ya guy or gal at the bar, looking fine~!
Be sure to check out her other stuff too, and be on the lookout for some more goodies comin' soon~!
More Quote Time!
Posted 8 years ago"The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long."About Giving Up (Long Downer Things Again)
Posted 8 years agoIt's taken me a while to realize this, but somewhere in my progression around when I started college, on a lot of things that would just be my normal behavior I think I've started to sorta... Give up.
I started to notice this as I had begun writing a story for this page. I hit a snag at one point, or just took a break from writing at one point, and I felt I naturally just switched to another window or hovered to close the window. I caught a thought that most, if not all of you, will find familiar: "Whatever, not like anyone's gonna read it, anyway."
I know that this is something I'm sure all artists say to themselves in the middle of creating whatever it is they'll be creating, but don't misunderstand, this isn't about that. Or rather, this is me trying to process it while getting your guys' opinion, should you have one.
But yes, I was just thinking to myself right after that of what exactly happened along the way that turned me to think like that. Back when I was really at it, I used to write a bunch, and not even for the interwebs, just stuff I'd write! Regardless of whether it was good or not, at least I had the drive and was putting stuff out there! Now, to be fair, it's not like I've just been losing along the way, I've also gained a lot of much needed experience and knowledge on how to better perfect not just the writing but what I'm studying to be as well. Though I wonder now if that's it; the price of learning to be better at what you do is most of that drive that you had before.
It makes sense. It takes discipline, it takes patience, it takes perseverance, that's what separates it from any regular idea, the notion that such an idea can be challenged, it can be flawed, but gets better and better the more you are willing to shape it and evolve it. But... I don't think that's the issue. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't trust myself enough to believe what I feel or think the most, besides the obvious. It's always in parts.
Part of me doesn't care what people think about what I put up, I just do it, even though a part of me is constantly worrying about how people think of me and what kind of person I'll look like to other people. Things like if people think I'm full of myself, that I'm too energetic, or absent-minded or something. And I mean, I get it, it's an anxiety thing other people have, it's fine. But I think I've kinda been looking at it the wrong way for a long time. Because I see that sort of situation as "Whatever, there's no use in trying to convince people, so don't bother." On the one hand, it can be offered as sound advice to someone who tries to hard to convince someone of anything. But now I realize that it just... Sounds like I'm giving up. And not just on that, but a bunch of small quirks that I would do, too. For example, quoting or referencing some weird film or thing no one but me has watched, something that I do as a reflex is suddenly met with "No, don't do it. They're not gonna get it anyway."
I think the thing is that voice telling me those things is something that is SOUND in logic, sometimes in more ways than one, and I rationalize it to "You want to feel better? Accept that, then it will make you feel better." And while it does come under the guise of wanting what's best for me, it drains out something else, too. I mean, you know it's gotta be something REAL bad when it's leaked into my GAMING; I look at the library of games I could play and finish, but my mind says "Forget it, you're just gonna play something for 20 minutes then get bored of it anyway. Just do something more useful with your time."
Anyway, whatever point I'm trying to make here has to do with the fact that I've somehow subconsciously (Or consciously, like I said, I'm constantly in a state of "What the fuck do I even want to think?") just wired myself to give up on a lot of the things that used to give me joy. I think I really started to notice when trying to make new friends. It's like I felt it go into overdrive to try and keep my natural self from appearing too energetic, or too... Of myself. But at that point I just feel like a lie to a lot of people. Again, it comes with that almost parental kind of authority, and it does mean well. First impressions are everything, I don't want to scare people away or come to conclusions too quickly over something that could have easily been controlled or held back. But it yanks me back all the time like my heart is on a harness. I suppose it also wants to keep my eagerness for attention in check, too. Just thinking about it, that's how it's always been for me, even when I didn't know what the hell I was doing (Which was 80% of the time) I would always just want to make the most of people's attention by doing something! And that voice grew to try and stop that natural want, and even though it's still there it tries to press out someway by escaping through my anxiety or some depressive episodes. Regardless, the sound advice says "You can't be talking with people all the time, you can't MAKE people like you, cuz not everyone is going to." my natural self has kind of... Stopped trying.
Now see, you have all this information I just spat out, and I dunno what sort of moral there is to be found in this, but as soon as I find it, I'll let you guys know! This has been another episode of "What the Hell Am I Writing?" and tune in next month when there's bound to be something else to throw around about how dumb things are. Hope you're having a good day and that this didn't just take a piss on ya! (Seriously, have a good day.)
I started to notice this as I had begun writing a story for this page. I hit a snag at one point, or just took a break from writing at one point, and I felt I naturally just switched to another window or hovered to close the window. I caught a thought that most, if not all of you, will find familiar: "Whatever, not like anyone's gonna read it, anyway."
I know that this is something I'm sure all artists say to themselves in the middle of creating whatever it is they'll be creating, but don't misunderstand, this isn't about that. Or rather, this is me trying to process it while getting your guys' opinion, should you have one.
But yes, I was just thinking to myself right after that of what exactly happened along the way that turned me to think like that. Back when I was really at it, I used to write a bunch, and not even for the interwebs, just stuff I'd write! Regardless of whether it was good or not, at least I had the drive and was putting stuff out there! Now, to be fair, it's not like I've just been losing along the way, I've also gained a lot of much needed experience and knowledge on how to better perfect not just the writing but what I'm studying to be as well. Though I wonder now if that's it; the price of learning to be better at what you do is most of that drive that you had before.
It makes sense. It takes discipline, it takes patience, it takes perseverance, that's what separates it from any regular idea, the notion that such an idea can be challenged, it can be flawed, but gets better and better the more you are willing to shape it and evolve it. But... I don't think that's the issue. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't trust myself enough to believe what I feel or think the most, besides the obvious. It's always in parts.
Part of me doesn't care what people think about what I put up, I just do it, even though a part of me is constantly worrying about how people think of me and what kind of person I'll look like to other people. Things like if people think I'm full of myself, that I'm too energetic, or absent-minded or something. And I mean, I get it, it's an anxiety thing other people have, it's fine. But I think I've kinda been looking at it the wrong way for a long time. Because I see that sort of situation as "Whatever, there's no use in trying to convince people, so don't bother." On the one hand, it can be offered as sound advice to someone who tries to hard to convince someone of anything. But now I realize that it just... Sounds like I'm giving up. And not just on that, but a bunch of small quirks that I would do, too. For example, quoting or referencing some weird film or thing no one but me has watched, something that I do as a reflex is suddenly met with "No, don't do it. They're not gonna get it anyway."
I think the thing is that voice telling me those things is something that is SOUND in logic, sometimes in more ways than one, and I rationalize it to "You want to feel better? Accept that, then it will make you feel better." And while it does come under the guise of wanting what's best for me, it drains out something else, too. I mean, you know it's gotta be something REAL bad when it's leaked into my GAMING; I look at the library of games I could play and finish, but my mind says "Forget it, you're just gonna play something for 20 minutes then get bored of it anyway. Just do something more useful with your time."
Anyway, whatever point I'm trying to make here has to do with the fact that I've somehow subconsciously (Or consciously, like I said, I'm constantly in a state of "What the fuck do I even want to think?") just wired myself to give up on a lot of the things that used to give me joy. I think I really started to notice when trying to make new friends. It's like I felt it go into overdrive to try and keep my natural self from appearing too energetic, or too... Of myself. But at that point I just feel like a lie to a lot of people. Again, it comes with that almost parental kind of authority, and it does mean well. First impressions are everything, I don't want to scare people away or come to conclusions too quickly over something that could have easily been controlled or held back. But it yanks me back all the time like my heart is on a harness. I suppose it also wants to keep my eagerness for attention in check, too. Just thinking about it, that's how it's always been for me, even when I didn't know what the hell I was doing (Which was 80% of the time) I would always just want to make the most of people's attention by doing something! And that voice grew to try and stop that natural want, and even though it's still there it tries to press out someway by escaping through my anxiety or some depressive episodes. Regardless, the sound advice says "You can't be talking with people all the time, you can't MAKE people like you, cuz not everyone is going to." my natural self has kind of... Stopped trying.
Now see, you have all this information I just spat out, and I dunno what sort of moral there is to be found in this, but as soon as I find it, I'll let you guys know! This has been another episode of "What the Hell Am I Writing?" and tune in next month when there's bound to be something else to throw around about how dumb things are. Hope you're having a good day and that this didn't just take a piss on ya! (Seriously, have a good day.)
Personal favourite and good to consider for those who write.
Posted 8 years agoIt is an extremely common mistake. People think the writer's imagination is always at work, that he's constantly inventing an endless supply of incidents and episodes; that he simply dreams up his stories out of thin air. In point of fact, the opposite is true. Once the public knows you're a writer, they bring the characters and events to you. And as long as you maintain your ability to look, and to carefully listen, these stories will continue to seek you out, over your lifetime. To him, who has often told the tales of others, many tales will be told.Great Lines in Cinema History I
Posted 8 years ago"What a zit! Uh-I mean, what is it? What do you want?"Fuzzle Wuzzles
Posted 9 years agoSnuggly fuzzy fluffykins!
Only Joking...
Posted 9 years agoI don't believe a word I said
What are you smoking?
I'm just fucking with your head.
Only a crazy little thing I read.Vague and Appropriate Quote
Posted 9 years ago"What the hell happened to us? What happened to the American Dream?"
"What happened to the American Dream? It came true! You're looking at it!"
"What happened to the American Dream? It came true! You're looking at it!"
Another Vague Quote
Posted 9 years ago"The truth is a matter of circumstances. It's not all things to all people all the time."
Vague Quote Time!
Posted 9 years ago"Dick! Hey, call me Jack!"
"Likewise."
"..."
"... With... My name... Dick, I mean."
"Likewise."
"..."
"... With... My name... Dick, I mean."
Well, that's the one done!
Posted 9 years agoGood morning, afternoon, evening or night!
Welp, that was my first one-shot done and uploaded! I plan to throw up a few more of these as time goes by, given my free time! Once that's done, I believe I'll have everything in place to start writing the larger story, of which development is coming along nicely!
So yes, that's pretty much all it around there, and I'm looking forward to writing the next few stories, and hope you guys are, too!
Welp, that was my first one-shot done and uploaded! I plan to throw up a few more of these as time goes by, given my free time! Once that's done, I believe I'll have everything in place to start writing the larger story, of which development is coming along nicely!
So yes, that's pretty much all it around there, and I'm looking forward to writing the next few stories, and hope you guys are, too!
Feel Like I Should Post More Happy Things Here
Posted 9 years agoI kinda don't want my journals to become this thing where I just pour all my anxieties and depression into, unless you guys think that'll help?
Regardless, here's a thing!
"Boss, your wife's on the other line, she says she's lost your checkbook."
"Thanks for the good news!"
Regardless, here's a thing!
"Boss, your wife's on the other line, she says she's lost your checkbook."
"Thanks for the good news!"
Eeeughh... What do I even call this. (Stupid fucking shit)
Posted 9 years agoYeah, I dunno. Just kinda typing here just cuz, I'm not exactly sure, maybe doing so will help me out in some way, at least in getting stuff out there. (MInd you that most of this will probably make no sense, mostly cuz I'm tired, it's early in the morning, and doing this in an attempt to address or stave off anxiety and stress from school.)
Well, first off, what's on my mind? Well, a lot of things really. A lot of stuff usually is on my mind, and me being me, it's impossible to organize half the time. I think the biggest I should get out of the way is this: I feel really sorry for a lot of the friends I have here. And even the friends I don't, I wish I could spend some time to talk, RP, or just chill more, but natural me just kind of doesn't let that happen. I mean, it's not like I don't understand what the problem is, I have a habit of swamping myself, talking to too many people at once that a lot of them get lost within it, resulting in many a delayed response. I mean, I know that for most people that's usually harmless, but I mean, the thing is I do it OFTEN and I'm sure that even though I am kinda being hard on myself here, a lot of my friends have felt at least a little bit like shit cuz I can't organize myself well enough to commit to the people I'm talking to. I'm just sorry you gotta put up with that shit. I disappear randomly, I stop talking, and yeah, I know shit happens sometimes, I just wish that that shit happening wasn't me doing it.
See, now I don't know if right now I'm being selfish because I've had many a talk with friends that when I'm as hard as I am in the above paragraph, it got them to say "The world doesn't revolve around you." And I mean, don't get them wrong, they're not saying that in a mean sort of way, but they were trying to put me in the perspective that I can't have the entire weight of the world on my shoulder. But now see, that's also got me weird thinking about it, because does that mean I think so much of myself that I think everything revolves around me? I get that it's not like I'm lamenting about people not doing what I want them to do, but still, does this whole thing make me selfish?
On top of that, there's also the weird thing I have with these sorts of journals that really fuck me up! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't doing this as some sort of cry for help, for lack of a better phrase. I've never been a fan of this mostly because of the rep this gets, or at least what I'd think of myself for doing it. On the one hand, there's nothing wrong in asking for help, but there's something about writing journals like this that make me want to disable comments. Maybe it's because I'm a masochist, that I just want to be left to my pain, because a lot of me feels like I deserve whatever anxiety and depression comes my way. I guess part of me feels like I don't really need people commenting on this because this is just me talking out of my ass in a bad state of mind again.
Buuuut then comes the thought of me being a sociopath. I mean, in the way I'm talking, I can't help but thinki I'm just throwing the biggest pity party here, and as someone'll keep reading they'll go "Oh, I see, so he just WANTS someone to pat him on the back and go 'aww, don't you worry! Everything's gonna be okay! You're a great guy!'" like I'm just looking for people to say good things about me. I mean, I know it's not that because I have such low thoughts about myself such a manner. So what, do I want help? I mean, I know I have wonderful people who try to help me, and God do I know there are people who love me no matter what my faults are, and damn it all if I don't feel like I don't deserve these people. Cuz that's how I feel sometimes, but that's because I don't love myself as much as others do me!
Right now this has just devolved to my own dark, stupid thoughts. Just anxieties about not really belonging to a certain group, or just IN somewhere, I dunno! That might not make any sense, again, stupid shit. But just in some creative groups or sometimes here on FA it's just that feeling that overwhelms me is that feeling of not belonging here. I mean, that's more of a me thing than anything, just seeing so many collaborations and circles, and the like and I'm just sorta sitting here. And now here comes that thought again that I'm just waving my hands and going "Oooh, look at me! Include me! I want things!" and I fucking HATE that!
So what the FUCK do I want then?! FUCK if I know!!
....
If anyone knows any way to deal with this sort of stress I'm having, that'd be appreciated. I know this is fucking me up some, and it's fucking up the way I'm speaking with people. (At least, the people I can fucking remember to respond to.)
Fuck, this devolved more than I thought it would. Not sure how this helped, but at least it's out there. I think the most I can say now is just... Fuck.
Fuck, I dunno.
Well, first off, what's on my mind? Well, a lot of things really. A lot of stuff usually is on my mind, and me being me, it's impossible to organize half the time. I think the biggest I should get out of the way is this: I feel really sorry for a lot of the friends I have here. And even the friends I don't, I wish I could spend some time to talk, RP, or just chill more, but natural me just kind of doesn't let that happen. I mean, it's not like I don't understand what the problem is, I have a habit of swamping myself, talking to too many people at once that a lot of them get lost within it, resulting in many a delayed response. I mean, I know that for most people that's usually harmless, but I mean, the thing is I do it OFTEN and I'm sure that even though I am kinda being hard on myself here, a lot of my friends have felt at least a little bit like shit cuz I can't organize myself well enough to commit to the people I'm talking to. I'm just sorry you gotta put up with that shit. I disappear randomly, I stop talking, and yeah, I know shit happens sometimes, I just wish that that shit happening wasn't me doing it.
See, now I don't know if right now I'm being selfish because I've had many a talk with friends that when I'm as hard as I am in the above paragraph, it got them to say "The world doesn't revolve around you." And I mean, don't get them wrong, they're not saying that in a mean sort of way, but they were trying to put me in the perspective that I can't have the entire weight of the world on my shoulder. But now see, that's also got me weird thinking about it, because does that mean I think so much of myself that I think everything revolves around me? I get that it's not like I'm lamenting about people not doing what I want them to do, but still, does this whole thing make me selfish?
On top of that, there's also the weird thing I have with these sorts of journals that really fuck me up! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't doing this as some sort of cry for help, for lack of a better phrase. I've never been a fan of this mostly because of the rep this gets, or at least what I'd think of myself for doing it. On the one hand, there's nothing wrong in asking for help, but there's something about writing journals like this that make me want to disable comments. Maybe it's because I'm a masochist, that I just want to be left to my pain, because a lot of me feels like I deserve whatever anxiety and depression comes my way. I guess part of me feels like I don't really need people commenting on this because this is just me talking out of my ass in a bad state of mind again.
Buuuut then comes the thought of me being a sociopath. I mean, in the way I'm talking, I can't help but thinki I'm just throwing the biggest pity party here, and as someone'll keep reading they'll go "Oh, I see, so he just WANTS someone to pat him on the back and go 'aww, don't you worry! Everything's gonna be okay! You're a great guy!'" like I'm just looking for people to say good things about me. I mean, I know it's not that because I have such low thoughts about myself such a manner. So what, do I want help? I mean, I know I have wonderful people who try to help me, and God do I know there are people who love me no matter what my faults are, and damn it all if I don't feel like I don't deserve these people. Cuz that's how I feel sometimes, but that's because I don't love myself as much as others do me!
Right now this has just devolved to my own dark, stupid thoughts. Just anxieties about not really belonging to a certain group, or just IN somewhere, I dunno! That might not make any sense, again, stupid shit. But just in some creative groups or sometimes here on FA it's just that feeling that overwhelms me is that feeling of not belonging here. I mean, that's more of a me thing than anything, just seeing so many collaborations and circles, and the like and I'm just sorta sitting here. And now here comes that thought again that I'm just waving my hands and going "Oooh, look at me! Include me! I want things!" and I fucking HATE that!
So what the FUCK do I want then?! FUCK if I know!!
....
If anyone knows any way to deal with this sort of stress I'm having, that'd be appreciated. I know this is fucking me up some, and it's fucking up the way I'm speaking with people. (At least, the people I can fucking remember to respond to.)
Fuck, this devolved more than I thought it would. Not sure how this helped, but at least it's out there. I think the most I can say now is just... Fuck.
Fuck, I dunno.
And As Prophesized
Posted 9 years agoI return!
Whaddup.
Whaddup.
Memo For Those I Talk To (You know who ye be!)
Posted 9 years agoThe Beard's goin' on a trip and will be away for a solid week! Just to let you know I'm not dead!
May have a bit of a bon surprìs when I come back! ;D
May have a bit of a bon surprìs when I come back! ;D
Empty Again
Posted 9 years agoSitting here, all to myself
No one around, as far as I can tell.
Friends have paid, tipped, and gone
Empty again, but not empty for long.
Other patrons come and go,
Most don't bother saying hello
Maybe their drinks I should have bought
Empty again, left alone with my thoughts.
Maybe I said something wrong tonight,
What if I didn't notice their glaring sight
Some kind of wrongdoing I should have caught
Empty again, it was probably my fault.
It wouldn't be the first time it's gone that way
To make their judgement about me sway
Yet I still sit here, doing the same old thing
Empty again, hoping my phone'll ring.
The old ones always say the same
They know how it goes, and just how to tame
I feel that there has been more I've wronged yet
Empty again, I can't seem to forget.
The new ones I don't exactly know
Because I'm afraid they'll catch on to how it goes
And when they do, it'll be just the same
Empty again, add more to my shame.
And yes, I know it'll be full once more
The laughs, the stories, the fun immature.
But deep in my heart, I know it too plain
It'll be deserted and empty, I'll do it again...
Sorry for my shitty attempt at poetry. Don't mind it, just venting.
So, has anyone ever noticed snakes?
Posted 9 years agoLike, for real? Snakes! Big snakes, smol snakes? Snakes of all kinds?
I like snakes.
Snaaaaaaaakaeeeeeeeeeessss.
I like snakes.
Snaaaaaaaakaeeeeeeeeeessss.
Thanks a Bunch, James Wan.
Posted 9 years agoWeeell guess who got some bad-ish sleep last night! Thanks a bunch, James Wan and your fantastic Conjuring 2 film. .-.
No seriously though, it was fantastic, I highly recommend it if you love spooky movies!
No seriously though, it was fantastic, I highly recommend it if you love spooky movies!
You! Yeah, You! You're A Wonderful Person! X3
Posted 9 years agoJust wanted to remind you in case you forgot! Keep on rocking and have a great day, you! X3(Signal Boost) - Awesome Sketch Commissions!
Posted 9 years agoHey all you magnificent people! Hope you're having a lovely weekend!
Guess what! Did you all like this pic right here?! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17006620/ This particular one?
WELL GUESS WHAT, YOU'RE IN LUCK! That artist is opening up some sketch commission slots right now! If you guys are looking for some nicely styled, simple, cheap sketches, then mosey along to
aionk's journal to ring yourself up one!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17006620/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17006620/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17006620/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17006620/
Hope you guys can give him some support, work, and hey, you get yourself a sweet sketch, so why not check it out?
Guess what! Did you all like this pic right here?! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17006620/ This particular one?
WELL GUESS WHAT, YOU'RE IN LUCK! That artist is opening up some sketch commission slots right now! If you guys are looking for some nicely styled, simple, cheap sketches, then mosey along to
aionk's journal to ring yourself up one!http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17006620/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17006620/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17006620/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17006620/
Hope you guys can give him some support, work, and hey, you get yourself a sweet sketch, so why not check it out?
Lyrics or Somethin'
Posted 9 years agoThere's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain.
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign,
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...A Difficult Task
Posted 9 years agoGotta admit, it's harder than it looks pretending it's a normal day on your birthday. Everyone keeps reminding ya!
*Ironically makes birthday journal about wanting to avoid birthday SECRETLY SEEKING ATTENTION BUT DOESN'T AT THE SAME TIME*
*Ironically makes birthday journal about wanting to avoid birthday SECRETLY SEEKING ATTENTION BUT DOESN'T AT THE SAME TIME*
Gotta Commission Captain Claw Art Sometime
Posted 9 years agoI mean there is literally NO furry art of this game and it's just BEGGING for some! Must remember!
If none of you have heard of it, check it out! It's a fantastic 2D platformer with a great style! It's also hard as fuck.
https://youtu.be/JCBDRoD_BdQ
If none of you have heard of it, check it out! It's a fantastic 2D platformer with a great style! It's also hard as fuck.
https://youtu.be/JCBDRoD_BdQ
Writing
Posted 9 years agoYes?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Quotes or Whatever
Posted 9 years ago"I had been sitting at the bar for three hours - or five years, depending on how you looked at things. I tried not to look at things. I tried not to think about when it was that my existence became less about the things that make up people's lives and more about the holes that losing those things leave behind, but I wasn't doing a very good job at it."
