For the first time in nearly five years I am going to see my family down south. It's been way too long. Got a 12-15 hour drive ahead of me but I've made that drive before. I'll obviously be making it again to come home lol. Will it suck? Sure! But then at least a whole month with people I miss dearly, and in places I once called home. It will be worth it. My journey begins in just about an hour or so... So anxious about it lol. I'll feel better once I'm actually moving of course. Until I get to where I'm goin, be good! To the whole 1 and 1/19ths people who will read this. XD

So the surgery a few months ago now.. Went well enough. Its life changing for reasons I won't get into. But at least I won't die of an infection spreading to my brain. So that's cool... or maybe not. Idk.

Its been hot af. And I mean triple digits hot. With my crap AC the way that it is, best it can do is MATCH the outside temperature. Otherwise it actually gets hotter inside than outside if I don't run it. Its like living in an oven.. and the weather is just going to be this for as far as the forecast can predict. I mean.. it'll be in the high 80s later this week and into next week, but I'm the kind of person who thinks that 75 is hot. Too hot. Don't like it.

Summer is just the worst imo.
A: Its so hot everything sucks.
B: Its so hot everything is on fire.
C: Now its mosquito time and they love me.
D: Now its spider time but they don't catch any bugs so they just web everything. Even my face and my food while I'm eating. Yes really. They have no shame.
E: My grandfather who I am a part time caretaker of, thinks that the weather is great and he thinks I should be weeding out at the hottest times of the day because he likes it. (We do not get along at all.)
F: Daylight hours are just miserable. Sunlight at 0430, to 2140 every day.
G: It refuses to cool down at night, staying up to 82 degrees as late as 0200.

Summer is just... terrible. Whoever thought summer was a good idea needs to be punished for this.


Lastly, and most importantly, my dear friend wants to get an art featuring me as a special guest. We went over options A, B, and C, and I am ok with any of it. Its just so flattering for any of them. One is silly, another is adorable, and the other is just so dang sweet. Greedy me wants to see all three, but ya know... money hard. I still don't know which will be coming or when, but I am very excited and flattered. And its not like getting one means the other two concepts evaporate forever. So perhaps in the future more can be done! Whomst knows? I don't. My head is full of empty.

Anyway.. that's it for now. As usual I shout my own page with minor updates/moods which is probably weird but I don't care. I don't write these journals often and don't like to if I can help it.

And today's lesson is: IT FUCKIN HURTS OH MAN DO IT FUCKIN HURT.

Pain!
Without love
PAIN!
I've.. had enough actually.. thanks. Go home TDG. I don't need your song right now.

Updates will be slow. Updates will also be on a Need2Know basis. I.. ain't just gonna start flappin around whatall my medical history is. You don't need it. And its not mine to give away anymore. (Previous statement isn't even a joke. Don't ask. Don't ask.) <.>

I will be lurking in my telegram when I'm lively. When that'll be? Idfk. In the future I guess. So you can DM me if you'd like. But don't be surprised if my response is at like.. 0347PST or whatever.

Anyway, I am in a fuck ton of pain. I have not slept in over a day. I am feeling OWWW. And sassy. Its bed time.

Today somebody on discord who is a loose friend of mine said he likes my bluntness. Most people just call me asshole so this is a nice change.

You have a tooth infection that's spreading to your brain and you can't afford the surgery to remove them so you get to just wait around until it kills you...

Being poor is fun.

I need to write more. I have these projects in my mind yearning.. burning to get out but man.... there just isn't enough time. I got so many stories I gotta get out of this stupid head.

I got my 40K to write. But also I need to start working on the show I want. And I am going to start working on my 'Sekrit Projekt.' Which is totally not porn. I swear. (Ok well there may be some sex in there but its not my usual). I don't know how I feel about it tho. I mean... I have already started. The chapters are already all laid out. And most of the characters are done. I just... gotta do it.

Its always the doin it part tho. If I could rip the ADHD out of my head, and kill it, the things I would do to it would be absolutely heinous. But then I'd get my shit done probably. I don't know what I need, but I need somethin to help me stay motivated on writing. As for the content itself. I have thought about it before. Will my writing give away more of myself than I want people to know about me? I feel like if I write what I want to write, then it will ruin my life because people are cruel and evil these days. I guess I'm just always afraid of being judged for what I want. Because I always have been.

My goal is to tell a story, with perspectives I myself have never had, but have had either similar, or been educated on really well. I would also like to find an artist that could maybe do a comic for the series. But that's wishful thinking beyond reason. I will never have the money for that. And no one would ever just like it enough to want to do it in their free time or whatever. Hell no. Still, its a nice idea sometimes. There is an exception to that in the story, but its not something I can talk about or ask about yet. Its... down the line. Beyond the horizon... Several times over. But aside from that, I've been writing.. sorta.. just.. not what I need to. And half of that is because I'm afraid to. Its embarrassing. The things I want to write about. Am I opening a window into my soul that I should be attempting to cover up on the inside and outside with curtains and overgrown bushes? Should I keep those things secret, or should I expose these things? Would I be in the first place? I really don't know. But it obviously has me halted in my tracks. I.. am not sure what to do from here.

Early last year, a friend of mine decided it was his time to get off the bus. It still hurts sometimes. Today gave me a good reminder of the friends I've lost along the way. Telegram automatically deletes your account if you are inactive for over a year. This saves them space, and its an automated process. Nothing to do or could be done about it I don't think. But now its not even his final pfp. Its just a red background with a generic ghost image. Deleted Account. The entire chat history is still there. I have it all. I should maybe find a way to archive it and save it. Its sadly all I have of him. Still.. its a bummer to not only be reminded of the loss of a friend, but also be reminded that in time, the evidence that you ever existed will be wiped from this world, the only memories being of those of us who stay. And then we too shall go. And eventually the evidence we were here will be gone too. This world can be such a disappointment sometimes...

So lately I have been having burning urges to write about several different things. And I've not been like this since I wrote for the lorehammer podcast back when they were still cool people, and that podcast existed. But the things I want to write are varied, and complex. Each its own very unique thing. One is an idea for a CG cartoon. The other is an idea for a live action mini-series. The other is.. well...

The cartoon is simple enough. I enjoy Star Wars. Good, Star Wars. And the CG cartoon wasn't too bad. It had hits. It had misses. But overall, not a waste of time for a once over in my opinion. Thing is, the show, like all other kids action shows suffers from this one big problem, that, for older enjoyers never goes away, from show to show. Here comes the big badman. He do the big bad. The good guys do a gasp. And maybe a nameless background character dies. Oh no! Now the good guys have to make the badman do a stop it. They make the bad man do a stop it. The day is saved. The next day: Here comes another big badman. He has the bad thing. It do the big bad! Oh no! Now the good guys have to make him do a stop it too. And then they do. AND THEN THE NEXT DAY~ You get the idea. This is a problem I despise dearly. No mater what, its all the exact same plot over and over. There might be new set dressing. There may be different details. But nothing ever really changes... I hear an argument more and more that disney star wars wants to treat its viewers like babies when all its viewers want is for star wars to grow up. Perhaps this is true. Idk. But I feel like to some extent it is personally. To that extent, I want to write a more grown up CG star wars cartoon. And it would definitely go to some extreme places at times. As I think it should. But how, and how to make that appropriate?

My idea here is a rather simple but unique twist on the formula that we actually don't get too often in stories let alone cartoons: The good guys have the superweapon. The good guys now have the capacity for the big bad. And they have to. Or greater bad will happen. The time period would be clone wars, but this time its not venators or little baby arquitens, but a full blown republic era dreadnaught capable of glassing a planet within an hour. What happens when things get so bad something this powerful gets called to service? What happens when the good guys have to destroy a fleet so powerful they need to use actual nuclear weapons, which in star wars canon is not only very real, but has been used on, and by, the republic itself. Its very very rare, but imagine clouds of droid fighters, genuinely beyond ten thousand, Fighters and bombers and gunships. Dreadnaught with support or no, thats the death of any fleet right there. Too many. And then the admiral, grizzled old man looks to the officer at the missile command station and says some simple phrase. At first we don't quite understand, but the officer is clearly terrified. They only have about another ten minutes before contact, and its all over. The only jedi in the fleet are on the other ships, they don't have say over a ship like this, its symbocially antithetical to the order, so they can be on it, but have no say over its command. That's when the missiles launch. A massive salvo. Maybe up to 80 or more. On all the other ships in the fleet, a whole new alarm sound is heard. Most the crew doesn't know what that means, but then their own weapons officers will start telling them, "Radiological Weapons deployed! We need to cut power to everything and redirect it all to shields! Now!" Again, the jedi won't understand of course. Its been.. a long time since even one of these was last used. But the captains begin to catch on quick, and even some clones and volunteer crew (Showing that there are even volunteer republic soldiers and crew will be a massive part of the story) start to figure it out.

Imagine the high tension violin as the slowmo shot of the nightmare cloud of fighter craft begins to close in. Then a shot of the small escort ships of the fleet desperately trying to get into the cover of the larger vessels hoping that their mass will block the resulting concussive blasts. Next, a shot of the missiles, they're closing in! Next a 'top down' shot, you can see the missile's vapor trails, the fleet, and the cloud, the missiles start to make contact.... an explosion.. two.. five... another twe-BRILLIANT LIGHT!!!!! TEN GREAT SPOTS OF THEM. Everything vanishes in the brief but intense light! And then as it fades, as the various captains and jedi begin to squint out their command decks... they can visually see the massive shockwaves traveling through space towards them. Then BOOM, each one slams into every cruiser. BOOM-BOOMBOOM-BOOM-BOOMBOOMBOOM-BOOMBOOM. Ships shake, some are even forced onto new courses by the blasts. Fortunately all the republic vessels are safe, but the fighters are just gone.. now only vacant and exposed carriers await.. its been only three seconds since the shockwaves rolled through the fleet... The Dreadnaught begins firing immediately, (This is the part where the bombastic drums kick in and cut the violin tension.) not missing another beat. Every ship already receiving firing solutions before the jedi can even realize they're supposed to be pissed about what just happened. Meanwhile the dreadnaught is firing is full salvo fire mode. Each one capable of liquidating an entire portion of continent. It should be felt by the other ships, which would only add to the scary punch of it all.. that's when the fleets begin to engage in full, and its a destructive but now hilariously one sided battle that makes being the good guys feel scary.

Now tell me you wouldn't want to actually watch a season or two of CG star wars clone wars, but it hits like that. No punches pulled. Hitting hard, and with some hard hitting topics. I know people would love it. Would everyone? Maybe not. Probably not. Hell, even my dad might scoff at the idea of nukes in star wars. Probably would. I mean.. its fair. He grew up with, Star Wars. Not, Star Wars A New Hope. THEE, original, Star Wars. All the way when he was 7. So he'd probably be right in that lol. Fair's fair and all that. But come on.. If not you reading this, if you.. still are.. then you gotta admit you know that there would still be an audience for that. ;P

And that's just a taste from one episode I have envisioned. Thing is.. I've never written in a show form before. I just write stories. Writing a show is worlds different. So its a level of trying to make it good, trying to make it in a way I know how to get it out, but also in the way I want it delivered, which are not the same. Its.. confusing.


The second show, the live action one would take place on a warhammer 40k knight world. Its about a boy who lives in his medieval village. And yeah, imagine the medieval village style. The cobblestone roads, even the base walls of many buildings in the village are cobblestone, before the actual plaster wall above. You got soldiers in plate and mail, spear and sword and shield. Peasants go about their daily chores. The boy's father was sent away with the army and the Knights, he's been waiting for his father to come home. Things seem very normal medieval, but then one day a messenger arrives in town. The army has returned! And early too! Years and years early! Wow how great! Those from House (Name to be determined) Will arrive here in 10 days! Everyone cheers! But there are rumors. Why so early? When the god emperor of mankind takes his men, his knights, and his angels to 'war for the stars' the armies are gone for a looooooooong time. It could even be beyond a generation even. So for it to be so soon.. why?
Its about a day before the army returns, but an advance party arrives! And its boy's dad! And he's... different. He's been hurt, but how they fixed it is completely wrong. He has a harsh yet very functional robotic portion of his face, he still has both his eyes, but a portion of his jaw is machinery. And not like.. simple peasant stuff either. Beyond us now stuff. And his arm is also replaced with a bionic replacement. Its now clear to the viewer, that there is a great illusion here and its only going to get smashed even harder when the knights come to town. Because for the 40k fans who know, they know. And for the people who don't, well, when the army parade begins the next day, and the 9-12 meter tall knight themed giant robots with missile launchers and plasma cannons start marching through the town, yeah.. uh.. the illusion is thoroughly shattered now.
And again I have more plotted here, but that's another story I feel like I could maybe get enough people on board to actually see actually happen. But isn't that a compelling plot as it is? Medieval army but giant robot? And.. there's others among them? Who are the scary masked fuckers on the nightmare horses who aren't saying anything??? (And they look like WWI trench soldiers?) What's goin on!? Come on. You know that hits different to what we got right now.

The last one is where.. things get complicated. And I realize that I think I write basically windows. What I mean is, I write, what either I want to see, or in terms of other stories, or some of the dark traumatic plot points I might have planned for both stories, some of which may be based around my own experiences, some around other's I've been told in great detail. But I know my experiences would shape these dark plot points in ways that I'm worried would be to.... me? Like a signature, but with plot points that are just obvious flags for the various things I have endured. I am writing basically just an open window into that for people to see. But there's also desire here too.. do I make that known? Do my stories reflect what I want? Would I just be writing an elaborate shoping list of self pities, doubts, traumas, and deepest desires? Exposing myself for everyone in ways nobody wants to see and in ways I never want to be seen? And.. now I'm fucking terrified because my next story I felt compelled to write came to me suddenly and its got theme's I've never actually written about or wanted to write about before. But now suddenly I do. And if I'm exposing what is probably my inner self.. should I even write it at all? It would be furry, which I don't think I've written a pure furry story ever either? So that's also like.. huh.. weird. I gotta do a little thinkle on that. Not so bad. Some of the other major themes would be, dealing with extreme trauma in isolation, among other things I'm not sure I should even write the word of but its... probably really dark in most ways. Nothing gross, but.. nothing good. However... uh.. what is a furry story..without the sex/porn part(s)??? ........ stop looking at me stop looking at mestoplookingatmestoplookingatmeSTOPLOOKINGATMESTOPLOOKINGATME so uh... yeah.......
Uhm.. I don't know how to write this.. I mean.. I do. But... is that a good idea???? <///<

Am I just really overthinking that part? No but really tho, I don't care if you wanna get off on more prons. Is that genuinely overthinking it or am I onto something and should maybe stop before I do something magnificently stupid????

My dear sweet friend... why?
I had so many hopes and plans. We would have been good friends I was sure.
It will all be so different without you. I will always wonder how different it could have been if you were there. But now we’ll have to be there without you. If only I could have been there for you.

Life is a bus ride. You are allowed to get off whenever you want. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But we on the bus will miss you.

Your nightmare is over. It will only be sweet dreams from now on. You are free. Maybe some day I’ll get to meet you. In the next one.

Good night my friend. I will always love you.

Or is that just actual brain damage making me stupid?

It is said that to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result is the definition of insanity, but I feel like when I try things differently or to do something new the outcome still loops back to the same thing. I don't believe in preordained fates, but sometimes it does feel like there is no winning. Only the endless beatings. Pain after pain after pain after pain after pain and there's no winning. You try you best, but its not par. It can will never be par. You lack what is necessary. You can't just get or obtain it either. You have it, or you don't. And only those who do are allowed here. You're not meant to be here. This world isn't meant for you. You were not supposed to be here and yet here you are. And so you'll be punished for it. How dare you be.

Yes... How dare I...

I mean.. there's quite a few exits I can choose from at the end of the day. But lately reality has felt like an illusion, and I feel like if I tried to inject lead into my skull at high velocities, or jump in front of a truck and I'll wake up in chair as if it was a bad dream. Sometimes reality feels false in ways I can only describe as sideways. Things are just... off. Like an odd cant to it. I feel like I need to wake myself up. Perhaps in a way similar to Mirai Nikki. Is it a dream? Will I wake up at the end of the fall? I wake up when I meet the concrete at the end. Right? Is this all a dream? Its hard to tell sometimes. There's no way reality can be built up so stacked against you. The universe doesn't care about you. It wouldn't bother to stack the deck against you. It couldn't be this way. It can't be this bad. It has to be an illusion right? How do I wake up? How do we wake up? I want to wake up.

Half of my family has been obliterated by mental issues and soon, if I'm really lucky, I'll be the last standing specifically down my bloodline. I see what has happened and the 'lives' of those who are left, or perhaps the false people who've replaced them, and I compare their lives and history to mine, and its not that different. And then I look at statistics, various mental diagnoses, and experiences, and compare them to my own. And it all feels.. not preordained.. but inescapable nonetheless. People like me don't die of old age. We die by our own hands. I have always felt this to be true. Even since I was a little boy. Will I really be so different? The universe is so far more mundane that everyone thinks it is. If it can be boring, if it can be forgettable.. it will happen. And the death of just some other average guy means nothing. It never has. It never will. How am I supposed to break that? By being subpar? Yeah sure.

Perhaps what I am thinking of is destiny. Maybe that's a better way to put it. I don't believe in preordained fates, sure, but a destiny can be flexible, as can the path to it. But it still ends up with the same outcome right? If that's so, perhaps it is my destiny to suffer until I feel like its time to stop. And sometimes I feel like that's the best I'll ever get out of life.

Is this all a nightmare? Is this all real? Do we wake up? Or would it be better to sleep for it all?

Car is kill. Sideswiped. Dude tried to hit and run but other cars stopped the guy. Got all the information but insurance company doesn't have a 24 hour claims department. So now I have to wait until they're open. Hopefully tomorrow. Probably not until monday. Everything is always awful and it only gets worse as the days go by. Not sure how much longer I can suffer this shit reality.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -Explodes-

Ok for reals tho. Its on the Lorehammer podcast. Its a Warhammer 40k nerd podcast about 40k lore! They have Listener Lore episodes where listeners get to submit their own works to be read on the podcast. Many enter, few win. And I didn't expect to from the start. Yet here I am. The podcast is huge now too. Its topping charts left and right, and every week dozens more people listen and join in. To be among the venerable few with the honor to be chosen is astounding. Go give em a listen! They're great, its funny, good for working and having some background noise. They have longer episodes too, so if you got a long shift at work with nothing to do but sit in a patrol car, or behind a desk all alone, it'll keep you occupied for a while.

The episode is Listener Lore 13, and my story is the very first one. They only read 1/4th of it. (Its long as fuck yo) But they cut it off at a perfect time so its all good. Plus, I was expecting a bashening, for flaws to be picked at, grammar, settings, ideas... I was expecting devastation. They literally only had praise. They fucking loved it. I am so stoked.

Am I stroking my own ego here? Fuck yeah I am. I got a thing onto a huge podcast. Fuck yeah my ego is blown the fuck up right now. Do I care? Fuck no! I DID THING AND THING IS ON PODCAST AND TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WILL HEAR IT BEFORE THE MONTH IS OVER. FUCK YEAH ME!

So go check it out! Get you that Spotify, as they going exclusive by the end of the month, and give it a listen. Tell me what you think!

Tl;Dr: Laptop died and I had to replace. I have a full gaming tower now. Its bitchin. But thats why I've been gone so long. It was sudden, and I needed to go get my pc. But all is well now. Except for all the submissions I need to go through now...

It's been....























Something...

To be honest, many years ago, I thought I'd be dead by this hour. I even promised myself I'd make it so if my life was spiraling out of control by this point. Specifically 2200 25Jul2019, the night before my 25th birthday.
It's a very long and complicated story, but my childhood was shit from start to finish and the rest of my life hasn't been much better either. I have a different view on suicide. One most won't agree too but I don't care.

There was a caveat tho. If my life was at least stable, and I could actually have a future, then I wouldn't do it. And last minute Oregon comes in with the clutch employment and my life is now turning around. Like a thunderhawk gunship in real life but it's doing it at least. And so now here I sit fucking dumbfounded that I'm alive right now. Its weird cause I really had no plans. Within the last year I pretty much resigned myself to it. But here I am.

I level up in about 40 minutes from now. So fuckin wierd....

That's it really. Enjoy.

I am allergic to the stripy curvy deathsticks. Plz do not give. They do me a hecking die. I know its curvy deathstick month but I can not partake. Thx.

Less than a week I'll be gone. Going to go work on a farm. I will have hyperlimited internet, and no cell service. So I will have no reliable communication with the outside world until next year. But I should be coming home with a lot of cash. However, the timer is still going. It will still be going. But at least I'll be one step closer to stopping it.

U.S Army Basic Rules To Follow.

#1: Always respect your superiors. For every rule, there is alway an exception to the rules. Except this one.


In honor of memorial day, which is basically over, I thought I'd post something I wrote into a little army guide I got in basic that gave me some simple pointers. I changed it. And it has always been correct ever since. That said, I totally lost the book. Prolly trashed it. Still tho. It's a good rule to follow. There will always be an exception somewhere. Even if you never see it. Its somewhere. Though it's always fun to be it. -Puts on sunglasses.-

https://forums.furaffinity.net/help/bb-codes
Did I forget? HOW DO I DO IT!? The posted link works, but the instructions are wrong! that doesn't work! But my sarcastic title is bothering me. I want to change it, but my idea is being cockblocked by fail instructions and fail falllback google searches.

.

Anyone else getting submissions that keep getting removed? It's getting really annoying. Hit the 2S up top. Get one sub. This is happening hourly or even less. No way someone keeps posting and deleting that fast, every hour or less, every day.

Merry christmas and stuff.

For some, this is a fantastic time of year, and it is! But... I'm catastrophically allergic to mint and its products. If I were to eat a candy cane, I'd be dead in an hour, and reduced to water in 4. Something causes my body to break down into the base elements that a body is made of. I washed my hands with berry mint soap a week ago, and in only minutes, my hands were bleeding, and the skin was disintegrating. Fortunately, DAWN, the dish soap is a reliable cure. And fortunately, I noticed after only two minutes, smelled my hands and rushed to the kitchen. If I had waited any longer, and my hands would've been unusable for a couple days. The skin healed overnight, I've always been fast to recover from an injury, but man... it was scary. If I even took a puff of a cigarette with menthol in it, I'd die in a couple minutes. Same with vape. I have to be very careful around this time of year.

I had an interview recently. It went very well, but there's a new problem. I need to detox quick. :/ I need money so I can eat food. But this company hasn't gotten with the rest of california, and given up. Weed aint bad. It just isn't. It helps me sleep, or relax. Something that most medication can't do for me. Army couldn't fix me, so they dropped me when I became a monster too dangerous to handle, and that was because I wasn't sleeping. There was more to it than that. But the basis of my problems, stems from my lack of sleep. Weed fixes that. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it makes getting a job harder. This is my first interview since July. And will probably be the last until next year. So I'm kinda fucked all around. Every day, laying down and just dieing seems easier and easier, and more and more productive than the nightmare I'm in now.

With any luck, I'll get a job for christmas, and then I'll be set. Some good christmas money wouldn't hurt either. I have some car projects, and personal things I need to pay for. But of course, the cheapest of these things'll run me almost 1k. So life is ass, and it's getting assier, and will probably continue to get assier still. If I could get a job, or at least money with the power of hate, I'd be really fucking rich, but unfortunately, being a angry and lonely man doesn't come with money. If I just had someone to hug every day, I'd feel so much better, but I don't know any young women, and my best bet of getting in someone's bed, even just to cuddle, is craigslist at this point... ewwww.... So it looks like shit sucks, nothing changes, and nothing will. I might as well fake this smile until I destroy myself.

Welp, it's fall, and you all know what that means. CALIFORNIA GETS TO BE ON FIRE AGAIN! FUCK YEAH!........ Wait.. No.. that's not good. This isn't the california we wanted, but it's the california we got. Anyway, the weather is cooling down, the warmer clothing is coming out, and the outside is a place I can actually go to without the feeling of infinite hatred and rage.

Watched Blade Runner (The Final Cut) for the first time with my dad. Wow its good. It holds up, and has one of the coolest bad guy quotes of all time. I can see now that it's not for everyone, and that is ok.

Back to fire news, it was down the street from my friends house, so that was scary, but it ended up being contained/moving away, so all was fine. But across the state we are burning. North, South, East... Ocean is west. If that's on fire then its the end of the world. Or BP fucked up again. That'd be great. :I

I have a Green Line Flag, as well as a reversed Blue Line Flag for my car. For those of you who don't know, and follow me, and read what I ramble on about, There is a movement called The Thin Line. This is in support of various people in our lives who sacrifice themselves for our safety. The Green Line flag, represents our armed forces, and the Blue Line flag represents our police officers. People who have, do, and will continue, to risk limb and life so that we can sleep at night. There are other colors, red, orange, white... it goes on. I hope to have one of each, but I'll be forced to collect... slowly...

RANT TIME: In the midst of this growing 'cops are white supremacist' movement, it is important to show them that there are some who care, and support them when others would call them murderers. While I do believe that are some cops who are bad, most are men and women who have chosen to protect their communities. Those who protect do not murder. And while many would claim that they are white supremacist, if you just look, you can see that the supremacy is among the most diverse in this country. Because it is not The United States of America, it is WE THE PEOPLE, of the United States of America. Will there be racists? Yes. Will there be bigots? Yes. Will there be those who seek to suppress the rights and freedoms of others? Yes. However, they are few and far inbetween, and have little to no power, to act upon their beliefs. We are a united people, with different goals, but we all have worked together to overcome evil many times before. And rather than fight over nothing, we should stand together. Do not fall for the lies of the far right AND the far left. For there is evil on both sides. Times are scary for all of us right now. Hopefully soon, someone can rally the country and bring us all together again.

Its my birthday and I'm doing better now. Going to go out with some friends and eat food things or something. I don't know.