any takers?

so


has anyone noticed how stupid the "boi" is in this account's name

really

stupid

so



I'm there from now on

I think I'll continue posting disgusting fetish crap here and start posting more legitimate actual things there

bye

should I post like

crazy weird NSFW stuff

I mean I kinda still do but

I mean post the stuff I am ashamed of

comp in for repair/etc

<american_stuff>
I have been seeing stuff on Tumblr and various blog sites lamenting the passage of the National Defense Authorization Act for the Financial Year of 2012

Okay

on November 29 Mark Udall proposed an amendment which would give the government the power to detain American citizens indefinitely and without trial

The bill was passed December 1

after the Udall amendment was rejected

http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/bdque.....z?d112:SP1107:

it's scary as shit to think about, but man, overreact, overreact
</american_stuff>

I told Windows to shut down yesterday when it was low on battery

it refused to and the battery ran dry, leaving the laptop rather hot

Every time I boot it up now, the fan is spinning at what sounds like max RPM even though I'm not using my CPU that much

I'm quite unsure as to what's wrong but it's making my laptop really noisy

Even though people will do their utmost to remind me I'm not a bad artist,

Let's just say I feel like an exceptionally terrible artist right now.

Not really sure if I'm old/experienced enough to do anything of the sort, but hey, I'd like to try it before I die, at least. I don't drink, smoke, or take anything at all other than the occasional Allegra-D if I'm congested.

I've read all the facts, I'd just like to hear experiences, advice, tips, admonitions. I'm not too sure where I'd want to find it here in Utah. If there's any way to buy a non-street variety, I'd rather do that. But that's naive, of course, where am I gonna go for acid, Hot Topic?

http://pollinator2k.tumblr.com/

Go there for gross furry yiff now

I recently noticed what a slow poster I am here

It doesn't really matter how quickly or slowly I work, I just really rarely submit anything here anymore

On the whole I'm starting to become really ashamed of my porn artwork because honestly, it's not getting me anywhere. It's a fun diversion to dip in and out of now and then but as a focus it's toxic. At its worst it's mind- and sensibility-numbing garbage that most people have already seen time after time; at its best, it's quasi-romantic slough that either fails to arouse or fails to reach out.

(that's all really just my opinion on what I do, personally. I've had some okay moments but on the whole I'd judge my porn work as not-so-good.)

so, who knows, maybe you'll see some stuff, maybe not. Most of my shitty doodles go on Tumblr. I won't do that ragequit junk, pull everything, that's pretty pointless.

It's a mighty big school. Gotta be someone there.

http://www.timescall.com/news/longm.....ws/ci_18835690

I wasn't extremely close with Anna but she seemed to gravitate toward me. I'd had a crush on her for a long time but suddenly one day she started talking to me out of the blue and wham, friendship. Her lifestyle contrasted with mine and we were both a little too busy to fraternize, but she made the daily drudgery of school worth it to see her and hear her coarse tongue at lunch.

I curse myself for not keeping in closer touch with her, because...well, in the face of such a thing, she might just prefer to see her family and her girlfriend, but a part of me is angry at myself. I saw her in Wyoming while we were both driving east; I asked for nothing in the ways of contact information. I cannot even tell her I am sorry, that I want her to keep playing her bassoon, dammit...

adjusting a bit better to it. Thinking about getting a job soon; anybody ever work at Michael's? I'd like to know if they treat their employees like crap so I can skip an interview if I can.

Though the big question remains, what do I do with the remaining fifty-sixty years of my life. I.e. career.

Nope, it's been kind of difficult

Big problem is the commute, which is long, crowded, and still frightening.

Then there's the blood-curdling feeling I get when I think of the future and what little chance I have of going into the art field. I feel so discouraged from doing art in school that I feel as if I should drop the idea of building a career and settle for a life of retail.

I have three more hours of summer. Thirteen, I guess, but I'll be asleep for a lot of those.

I can't say I'm excited to go to college; I can't even say I like the idea. I don't have it in my mind at all that it's some prerequisite to being successful, it's just a place to enrich one's self and increase the already narrow chances of entering fulfilling work.

However, considering how I felt during my senior year of high school, I can't say anything for self-confidence. High school was really quite enjoyable for me, but what made it rough was the new sensation of self-direction, that I am the ultimate decider of my fate. As much as I should appreciate that freedom, I can't help but feel it's wasted on me. All the nuances notwithstanding, I just feel pressure, stifling and defeating pressure. I remember as a child when people would ask me, "what do you want to do when you grow up?" I would be quite lost for words.

Then there's the fact that I simply don't like the University of Utah. I'm from a fairly small town in Missouri, so I'm much more used to tiny. Big is where the money and opportunities and connections are, but I'm nervous. So nervous.

So much love

Seriously though, I suck, why do all you people watch me.

Ayup ayup

wellllll I have a new laptop waiting to be used because my old one is about to poop out

BUT the thing comes with IE and Chrome, both of which make me want to retch

PLUS you can only find FF 5 on Mozilla's site...

so if anyone out there has a late version 4 build or a link to it it'd be much appeshiated :>

school doesn't start until the 22nd so I'd like to eat up some of my free time and make a little scratch while I'm at it

no queue, don't expect a massive turnout, goes about 20-25 for a sketch (usually do grayscale shading and whatnot on these), 30-35 for something inky or a painting, compromises made if it goes quickly and stuff like that.

 sixty easily made this the best week of the summer. We saw the Seattle Art Museum, Pike Place Market, Mount Rainier, and he introduced me to the awesome that is Venture Brothers. Best of all, he was my first friend in a very, very long time whom I could just hang out with. That sounds odd, but in the hostile and desertous wasteland that is Utah, I have made few friends and no truly good ones.

Upon returning home, I very much wish I could stay away from this ugly place I calmly home for now. Everybody thank  sixty for me.

it's 4:30 and I can't sleep, so I thought I might mention I'm boarding with  sixty for a little as the summer whindles down. It's nice here in Washington, far from the deserts and valleys I've grown to love and hate. It's nice to have a familiar face and voice and ear. It's nice to have somewhere to call home, in a way.

Drawing's been hard but getting better.

I love how copic markers look and stuff but I'm really not rich enough to buy a huge set of them. Is there a small, essential palette of colors I should get, or a specific set with all the primary/secondary colors and a couple tints of each?

Thing is, I really don't want to. I'm becoming ashamed of my filthy drawings and I'd really just like to keep them to myself and friends.

HOWEVER I know that's really shitty and selfish so I think I'll make my Tumblr my artsy fartsy place and let the porn stay here. WHAT DO YOU THINK.

Today was effectively my last day of school. Graduation is next Tuesday but for all intents and purposes, I'm done.

I couldn't be less happy.

At almost no point during these years have I perceived that I'm an extraordinary or even notable person...a bit character in the scheme of things. But even worse than that I fear that, swept off my pinked feet, I will be ignorant and lonely in the very different world that's to come. I hardly know how to make friends. How can I survive or be successful?

I threw away a lot of good opportunities to prove myself and to have fun this year. I was just so lost in my own momentary sorrows to notice them. I spent the first half of the year in a brutal stupor and have never really improved. Each year of school has become progressively darker and more difficult to cope with as I realize my insignificance on the grand scale. I don't know from whence these putrid thoughts have entered my head, that the only people who matter are those of consequence, but I have been fixated on it and have become very self-destructive. When people say to me how quickly I've improved with music or art, I rather jokingly tell them it's because I'm obsessive, but that's quite an understatement. It's grown from ambition to hate, hate for myself and the world.

And the very lowest point, I am an artist, and not a good one by any means. I know people like what I do...but I don't.

I hope so much that reincarnation is real, so that I will earn a second chance at something I doomed myself to fail.