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I am HORRIBLE at this...
Posted 9 years agoIm not good at keeping people up to date of my activities. Im horrible at a lot of things but being up to date is a major thing Im bad at.
The job is great. Been working my virtual ass off. Pay raise on the horizon (yay!), life still chugging along. I just need to get off my virtual ass and stop being so anti social.
Its hard. It really is. It seems that just when I get a foothold or handhold on my life, something or someone throws a rock at me and I drop to my psychological death.
Crippling self doubt and trust issues being the boulders of my life.
I thought about taking some night courses, but I honestly dont know what I want to do with my life? Well, whatever life I have left.
Creeping up on 43 tends to get you thinking about the next 40 years of your life, you know? Its like a switch turned on and I was like.. "FUCK. Im not 30 anymore."
Truth? Im scared. Scared to freaking death of being totally and completely alone. I mean, living in a cardboard box under a highway overpass, alone.
Its like for the past 13 years I have been living in a bubble so I wouldnt get hurt again and I suddenly realized that life just went on without me. That's fucking hard to deal with, you know?
Just so you all know, Im not whining. Just... talking it out.
Part of the problem is my past. I suppose I cant get over it just yet. But Im seriously trying. I guess losing the ability to procreate is one strike. Not being able to trust a thing coming out a guy's mouth is another.
LSS... My newest ex boyfriend decided to pull the.. "Im getting a new phone and I will text you with the new number" BS. That was 4 months ago. I know his snail mail address. I will be writing him a letter shortly. 10 years of on again off again Bullshit seems to be a reason to finally give him the final finger of fuck you.
The long and short of it is that Im lonely. I barely get a hug out of my 11, but acts 21, year old niece. Did I mention I hate puberty? I havent had an adult hug that wasnt with a family member in... 3 years?
Quick tip: Invest in Duracell... it seems to be the only thing Im really buying anymore.
In other news... life is just life. Every day is the same. Work and home, home and work. With some days off where I lounge out on my lazyboy, reading through my forests of books with my black cat, Loki on my lap.
Im the most boring person in the world, I guess. Hopefully I dont waste another year without an update.
The job is great. Been working my virtual ass off. Pay raise on the horizon (yay!), life still chugging along. I just need to get off my virtual ass and stop being so anti social.
Its hard. It really is. It seems that just when I get a foothold or handhold on my life, something or someone throws a rock at me and I drop to my psychological death.
Crippling self doubt and trust issues being the boulders of my life.
I thought about taking some night courses, but I honestly dont know what I want to do with my life? Well, whatever life I have left.
Creeping up on 43 tends to get you thinking about the next 40 years of your life, you know? Its like a switch turned on and I was like.. "FUCK. Im not 30 anymore."
Truth? Im scared. Scared to freaking death of being totally and completely alone. I mean, living in a cardboard box under a highway overpass, alone.
Its like for the past 13 years I have been living in a bubble so I wouldnt get hurt again and I suddenly realized that life just went on without me. That's fucking hard to deal with, you know?
Just so you all know, Im not whining. Just... talking it out.
Part of the problem is my past. I suppose I cant get over it just yet. But Im seriously trying. I guess losing the ability to procreate is one strike. Not being able to trust a thing coming out a guy's mouth is another.
LSS... My newest ex boyfriend decided to pull the.. "Im getting a new phone and I will text you with the new number" BS. That was 4 months ago. I know his snail mail address. I will be writing him a letter shortly. 10 years of on again off again Bullshit seems to be a reason to finally give him the final finger of fuck you.
The long and short of it is that Im lonely. I barely get a hug out of my 11, but acts 21, year old niece. Did I mention I hate puberty? I havent had an adult hug that wasnt with a family member in... 3 years?
Quick tip: Invest in Duracell... it seems to be the only thing Im really buying anymore.
In other news... life is just life. Every day is the same. Work and home, home and work. With some days off where I lounge out on my lazyboy, reading through my forests of books with my black cat, Loki on my lap.
Im the most boring person in the world, I guess. Hopefully I dont waste another year without an update.
Je suis Paris
Posted 10 years agoA whole year.
I have to be honest with you. I dont update a lot here because Im still gun shy about a lot of things. Trust is a big thing with me and I dont trust very easily. But Im trying.
What has happened in a year?
Honestly, not much. I quit my job in July. Spent 3 months jobless. That was fun. I hate being broke. I really do. So much awesome stuff going on and I wasnt able to do it. Oktoberfest came and went and I did pout. And then Wizard Con came to Tulsa. *sigh* I had my cosplay all done and ready to go. But alas... Couldnt go.
And now I have a job with the local grocery store that just opened up. Im using muscles I havent used in 14 years. Its a bit to get used to. Ive already lost 10 lbs just running around.
I got home from work yesterday. Tired, sore... and then breaking news came on.
Paris.
Im still reeling.
To any Parisians or French that do happen to read this, I am so so very heartbroken for you. I sat in shock watching it on Tv and I could never EVER comprehend something like that happening here in my backyard. My heart aches for the families and friends of those lost and the survivors and witnesses to such horrible acts.
Its deplorable. Its inhumane. Its unthinkable.
I dreamed about Paris last night. The chaos and the horror and I woke up crying, and I immediately reached for my phone to check the news.
I wish, I really really wish, there was something I could do. Something physically I can do to help you, Paris.
Reste fort Paris.
I have to be honest with you. I dont update a lot here because Im still gun shy about a lot of things. Trust is a big thing with me and I dont trust very easily. But Im trying.
What has happened in a year?
Honestly, not much. I quit my job in July. Spent 3 months jobless. That was fun. I hate being broke. I really do. So much awesome stuff going on and I wasnt able to do it. Oktoberfest came and went and I did pout. And then Wizard Con came to Tulsa. *sigh* I had my cosplay all done and ready to go. But alas... Couldnt go.
And now I have a job with the local grocery store that just opened up. Im using muscles I havent used in 14 years. Its a bit to get used to. Ive already lost 10 lbs just running around.
I got home from work yesterday. Tired, sore... and then breaking news came on.
Paris.
Im still reeling.
To any Parisians or French that do happen to read this, I am so so very heartbroken for you. I sat in shock watching it on Tv and I could never EVER comprehend something like that happening here in my backyard. My heart aches for the families and friends of those lost and the survivors and witnesses to such horrible acts.
Its deplorable. Its inhumane. Its unthinkable.
I dreamed about Paris last night. The chaos and the horror and I woke up crying, and I immediately reached for my phone to check the news.
I wish, I really really wish, there was something I could do. Something physically I can do to help you, Paris.
Reste fort Paris.
Goodbye Mr. Williams
Posted 11 years agoRobin Williams was and will always be a magnificent being filled who entertained the world for as long as I can remember. At the lovely age of 40, that’s a long time. Happy Days, Mork and Mindy, Good Morning Vietnam, Aladdin, Hook, Mrs. Doubtfire, Dead Poets Society... just to name a few. These were some of my favorite Robin Williams appearances. Hook is still one of my all time favorites and now, I dont know if I will be able to watch it for awhile without breaking out in tears at the loss of this amazing actor and entertainer.
Im just a silly little fan. Awed by the antics of this clown that won our hearts across generations. Whether he was a dramatic actor, a comedic actor, a philanthropist or a family man, he gave his whole heart into whatever he was doing. Working with children, animals, adults... he made you laugh until you cried. And if you were crying, he made you laugh. Many a reporter couldnt keep their cool while interviewing this wonderful jester, even making the usually cool cucumber of Barbara Walters giggle in glee.
I know he had his dark points, drug and alcohol abuse which he still struggled with until shortly before he died. He wasnt quiet about his addictions nor his multiple stints in rehab, but he was quiet about the biggest battle he was facing in his life.
Depression.
Its a heartless disease. Effecting everyone from the rich to the poor, the rainbow of races, the men, the females, the kids to the elderly. Single, married, straight or gay. Depression hits everyone in various stages, some to the blue days and some to the dark days of suicidal thoughts. Its not something that can be fixed with a rainbow sticker and some glitter. Cheer up is not an option and never will be. Its weird like that. One can be depressed for days on end, and one day... not be. But those bright days never last. And as sure as the day is long, the blanket comes back and covers you.
In 2003, I tried to commit suicide. I was new at it, and just wanted to fall asleep and not wake up. And the naive part of me thought that downing an entire brand new bottle of aspirin was the way to go while drinking beer or something. An ex friend got concerned and called an ambulance when I said goodbye to him. I stayed 3 days under observation and came out with a diagnosis of Chronic Depression or Dysthymia.
Now, Chronic Depression is not the same as Manic Depression.
Lets compare Depression to a big chocolate cake freshly frosted and decorated.
Chronic Depression is taking a nice little slice of it. Still probably too much for your diet. But lets splurge a little.
Manic Depression is eating the entire cake, going to the store and buying 4 more cakes and eating them while shoving butter into your mouth and throwing cupcakes at the cat.
Im sad. All the time. I feel useless, worthless, unsatisfied. I think my family would be better off without me. I consider myself a burden and I dont think anyone really likes me. I still think of suicide on a daily basis but its fleeting because I have “goals”. I get severely anti-social and if I dont have prior commitments, I lay in bed all day sleeping off and on because I just dont have the energy to move or the mind set to deal.
I constantly get people telling me to cheer up, or why am I moping, or even better... “There are people out there with worse problems so get the fuck out of your funk.”
*eye roll*
When I found out that Robin Williams died... my first thought was... “I didnt know he was sick.” Maybe it was a heart attack? A car accident? Brain Aneurism? Something explainable. Something solid.
But when I heard Depression. I knew.. I knew that his demons finally reared their heads and he just couldnt anymore. The fighting day after day to smile and take a breath and live... was just too much to bear. He was tired. Tired of fighting so long.
I knew. Anyone who is suffering from depression knows. We have all stood at the edge of the cliff, looking over into the churning sea, wondering if this was the day we would take that step. Something always takes our hand and leads us back. Whether its children, spouses, friends... but sometimes they arent there to take our hands. Sometimes its just not enough.
Im just a silly little fan. Awed by the antics of this clown that won our hearts across generations. Whether he was a dramatic actor, a comedic actor, a philanthropist or a family man, he gave his whole heart into whatever he was doing. Working with children, animals, adults... he made you laugh until you cried. And if you were crying, he made you laugh. Many a reporter couldnt keep their cool while interviewing this wonderful jester, even making the usually cool cucumber of Barbara Walters giggle in glee.
I know he had his dark points, drug and alcohol abuse which he still struggled with until shortly before he died. He wasnt quiet about his addictions nor his multiple stints in rehab, but he was quiet about the biggest battle he was facing in his life.
Depression.
Its a heartless disease. Effecting everyone from the rich to the poor, the rainbow of races, the men, the females, the kids to the elderly. Single, married, straight or gay. Depression hits everyone in various stages, some to the blue days and some to the dark days of suicidal thoughts. Its not something that can be fixed with a rainbow sticker and some glitter. Cheer up is not an option and never will be. Its weird like that. One can be depressed for days on end, and one day... not be. But those bright days never last. And as sure as the day is long, the blanket comes back and covers you.
In 2003, I tried to commit suicide. I was new at it, and just wanted to fall asleep and not wake up. And the naive part of me thought that downing an entire brand new bottle of aspirin was the way to go while drinking beer or something. An ex friend got concerned and called an ambulance when I said goodbye to him. I stayed 3 days under observation and came out with a diagnosis of Chronic Depression or Dysthymia.
Now, Chronic Depression is not the same as Manic Depression.
Lets compare Depression to a big chocolate cake freshly frosted and decorated.
Chronic Depression is taking a nice little slice of it. Still probably too much for your diet. But lets splurge a little.
Manic Depression is eating the entire cake, going to the store and buying 4 more cakes and eating them while shoving butter into your mouth and throwing cupcakes at the cat.
Im sad. All the time. I feel useless, worthless, unsatisfied. I think my family would be better off without me. I consider myself a burden and I dont think anyone really likes me. I still think of suicide on a daily basis but its fleeting because I have “goals”. I get severely anti-social and if I dont have prior commitments, I lay in bed all day sleeping off and on because I just dont have the energy to move or the mind set to deal.
I constantly get people telling me to cheer up, or why am I moping, or even better... “There are people out there with worse problems so get the fuck out of your funk.”
*eye roll*
When I found out that Robin Williams died... my first thought was... “I didnt know he was sick.” Maybe it was a heart attack? A car accident? Brain Aneurism? Something explainable. Something solid.
But when I heard Depression. I knew.. I knew that his demons finally reared their heads and he just couldnt anymore. The fighting day after day to smile and take a breath and live... was just too much to bear. He was tired. Tired of fighting so long.
I knew. Anyone who is suffering from depression knows. We have all stood at the edge of the cliff, looking over into the churning sea, wondering if this was the day we would take that step. Something always takes our hand and leads us back. Whether its children, spouses, friends... but sometimes they arent there to take our hands. Sometimes its just not enough.
Where am I at? What am I doing?
Posted 11 years agoThe heat is the one thing that I dont like. That sticky icky feeling that makes you wonder why you took a shower if being outside for more than a minute just erases that clean feeling. It was a blissful 70-80s for the past month and I had thought we would bypass the nastiness. But of course that never lasts long. We are seeing our first 100s at the end of the week. Im not looking forward to it. Especially since I work in front of a grill and it already gets to over 150 there. Who needs diets when you can melt the fat away?
Im still all elfy and taking a vacation/sabbatical away from Taps. I pop on once in awhile to check on things, hang out with old friends and so forth. Do I miss it? A little. But I think that part of my life is done...
I realize that the reason why I have been... absent emotionally from so many people is my depression. I havent taken medication for my chronic depression since 2005. That's a long time to battle this on my own. And sometimes I just get too tired to battle and I sink into that blackness that makes it hard to enjoy things. Im getting better, though. But bear with me while I trudge on and try not to sink deeper.
Im still all elfy and taking a vacation/sabbatical away from Taps. I pop on once in awhile to check on things, hang out with old friends and so forth. Do I miss it? A little. But I think that part of my life is done...
I realize that the reason why I have been... absent emotionally from so many people is my depression. I havent taken medication for my chronic depression since 2005. That's a long time to battle this on my own. And sometimes I just get too tired to battle and I sink into that blackness that makes it hard to enjoy things. Im getting better, though. But bear with me while I trudge on and try not to sink deeper.
Tapestries Muck
Posted 11 years agoIn 2000 I created my very first Tapestries Muck character. We still had the Inn, and there was so much role play mixed with sexual consequences. It was a wonderful place to express my new found sexual freedom with my then husband. I went by Calli and I met so many people, people who are still some of my closest friends. Those that I wish I could reconnect again. I loved the whole story lines since I loved writing and all the excitement that comes with a round table of fantasy. Then in 2003, I separated from my now ex husband. I wasnt too sure about myself after that. I fell into a depression, avoided Taps because it reminded me too much of my ex husband since he and I were very active there. I left for awhile. Unable to log in as my golden wolfess because I felt... betrayed and lost and just sad. I created new characters and made some new friends through them. But Calli was always close to my heart. She was my first character and one that I loved so much.
But in the past 3 years mostly, especially after my ovarian cancer diagnoses, the 5lb tumor being removed from my left ovary, the hysterectomy, the stress of the cancer diagnoses and intermediate hormonal imbalance... (Im cancer free now, btw), I havent felt... like I belonged. I have come to realize that Tapestries Muck has become to sexually aggressive for me. Too many expecting me to "lift my tail and take it like a bitch". Yes, that was an actual comeback when I tried to GENTLY let one person down.
Tapestries has become one giant orgy of writhing furs grunting and groaning without actual role play or purpose. Granted, that is just my view of it all since I have actually had people tell me I was stupid to expect actual STORY LINES along with my random screwing.
I guess I have outgrown Taps. That's all I can figure out. In April of last year, i got a new computer that could run Second life, so I returned there. Was welcomed with open arms and even introduced a couple friends to it. I have actual friends who care for me so completely that I realized that having a purpose like this was what I was missing in my life.
In the process I have gained ladies who are like sisters to me, guys who are like brothers to me, and I have reconnected with an old flame.
Is this a whiny post that is trying to get people to say... "Please dont leave! We luv you!"? No. This is a post to my friends and followers informing you of the thought process behind me leaving Tapestries muck. So here are some questions, Im not sure if you are wanting to know, but Im willing to answer them...
Are you still a furry? Yes... but it is a facet of who I am. Just like I am a geek, an aunt, a girlfriend, a sister, a Whovian, a Browncoat and etc, etc. I will still come onto FA. I will still be involved with the furry community in a way I have always been. And I am not going to drop my friends because they are furry and on Taps and I am furry and not on Taps.
Is this forever? I dont know. I really dont. I may decide to pop on once in awhile to check things out. My tags will reflect my Dont Touch attitude. I can reconnect with friends and such.
How can we get in touch with you? Send me a PM. We will exchange whatever information we can. Im on Skype, Second Life, I have email and AIM and all that good jazz. Im also a very active player in Guild Wars 2. Isle of Janthir server.
Are you sure this isnt a plea for attention? No... Ive thought about this for a long time. Its not something I have taken lightly. Taps was a huge part of my furry life. All my characters are a part of me. Different aspects of my personality. This wasnt easy. I just cant physically stay and be active in Taps. If I do return, it will be brief and only to hang with old friends, catch up and such. No stalking the Plaza or heading over to the Lash.
Why should I care? Eh... care or not, it doesnt bother me.
SHOW ME YOUR TITS! If you are wanting to see 40 year old tits, sure. There... flashed. Happy now?
So PM me if you want and I will still be around on FA...
<3 and XX
Niki aka Belize, Kamyo, Amarie, Calli, Jorja.
But in the past 3 years mostly, especially after my ovarian cancer diagnoses, the 5lb tumor being removed from my left ovary, the hysterectomy, the stress of the cancer diagnoses and intermediate hormonal imbalance... (Im cancer free now, btw), I havent felt... like I belonged. I have come to realize that Tapestries Muck has become to sexually aggressive for me. Too many expecting me to "lift my tail and take it like a bitch". Yes, that was an actual comeback when I tried to GENTLY let one person down.
Tapestries has become one giant orgy of writhing furs grunting and groaning without actual role play or purpose. Granted, that is just my view of it all since I have actually had people tell me I was stupid to expect actual STORY LINES along with my random screwing.
I guess I have outgrown Taps. That's all I can figure out. In April of last year, i got a new computer that could run Second life, so I returned there. Was welcomed with open arms and even introduced a couple friends to it. I have actual friends who care for me so completely that I realized that having a purpose like this was what I was missing in my life.
In the process I have gained ladies who are like sisters to me, guys who are like brothers to me, and I have reconnected with an old flame.
Is this a whiny post that is trying to get people to say... "Please dont leave! We luv you!"? No. This is a post to my friends and followers informing you of the thought process behind me leaving Tapestries muck. So here are some questions, Im not sure if you are wanting to know, but Im willing to answer them...
Are you still a furry? Yes... but it is a facet of who I am. Just like I am a geek, an aunt, a girlfriend, a sister, a Whovian, a Browncoat and etc, etc. I will still come onto FA. I will still be involved with the furry community in a way I have always been. And I am not going to drop my friends because they are furry and on Taps and I am furry and not on Taps.
Is this forever? I dont know. I really dont. I may decide to pop on once in awhile to check things out. My tags will reflect my Dont Touch attitude. I can reconnect with friends and such.
How can we get in touch with you? Send me a PM. We will exchange whatever information we can. Im on Skype, Second Life, I have email and AIM and all that good jazz. Im also a very active player in Guild Wars 2. Isle of Janthir server.
Are you sure this isnt a plea for attention? No... Ive thought about this for a long time. Its not something I have taken lightly. Taps was a huge part of my furry life. All my characters are a part of me. Different aspects of my personality. This wasnt easy. I just cant physically stay and be active in Taps. If I do return, it will be brief and only to hang with old friends, catch up and such. No stalking the Plaza or heading over to the Lash.
Why should I care? Eh... care or not, it doesnt bother me.
SHOW ME YOUR TITS! If you are wanting to see 40 year old tits, sure. There... flashed. Happy now?
So PM me if you want and I will still be around on FA...
<3 and XX
Niki aka Belize, Kamyo, Amarie, Calli, Jorja.
Death...
Posted 12 years agoIve been having a lot of things going on with me lately. Stuff I dont want to work up here. Its been stressful lately. So many things happening and I didnt think I could handle anything else. And then Monday, November 11th happened.
On Nov 11, 2013, a friend of mine was walking with her almost 2 year old son and her roommate from a local grocery store. They lived just across the street and it was a last minute thing. As they were crossing a somewhat busy street, dark due to no streetlights and no sidewalks or pedestrian crosswalks, they were struck at 35mph by an SUV. The impact sent my friend flying, her baby, which was in a baby stroller and I am not sure if he was buckled in or not, was thrown out of the stroller about ten feet. Her friend was tossed to the side of the road.
Little Marshall stopped breathing. By all reports he was a tangled mess. They brought him back, but sadly he passed away. Just 5 days before his 2nd birthday.
His mom, my friend Kellie, sustained head trauma and was put in a medically induced coma. She is bruised over 80% of her body. She has a broken cheekbone, multiple lacerations and as of today when I called her family, she is no longer in a chemical coma, yet she hasnt woken up. She doesnt know her youngest child has passed on.
Her friend broke her leg from him to foot, having to go through surgery to fix it and will probably have difficulties walking.
I am still in shock. I have difficulties moving around since I injured my own self, but I made it to the hospital Wednesday. The doctor are optimistic that my friend will wake up. But there is no medical reason why she's still in a coma.
Im heart broken. That little boy was a dream. Their whole family is as close to me as siblings and parents and such. I cried for two days, for the little boy and for his mom. I am emotionally and psychologically depressed to the point of curling up in a ball and just... existing for awhile.
And I realized that everything is so petty. So very very petty. And I have re-evaluated my life in a whole new level. Im going to tell everyone how it is. Not worry about how people think of me, and live it all my way. And here's a few things...
As most have noticed, Im not on Taps much anymore. Well, I will tell you why. Its grown to be... mentally annoying. Its all about sex. And yes, Taps is a sex based muck. But it didnt used to be. It was fun, with role plays and stories and everything. And now, I log on and within a minute I have eight people wanting me to visit them so they can put Tab A into Slot B... and honestly, I think I have grown too old and too jaded to put up with all the crap that Taps put me through on a nightly basis. I dont know how many times I logged out and felt more stressed and more upset than when I logged in because of something silly.
Not that I am pointing fingers. Its GENERAL.
I am on Second Life. Im a human/elf. I enjoy it because its more one on one and more of a social gathering than someone wanting to put their hands up my skirt or grope my boobs. I got a nice group of friends that I respect and who respect me. And some I have known for years! And yes, there is even Roleplay and music and fun. I laugh with them.
So am I weening myself off Taps? No. I just wont be on EVERY night. I may pop on every once in awhile to scratch an itch but it wont be a major thing.
Second, I will be 40 in a month. 40... And its high time I hang out with people my own age and have a life OFF the computer. Which I do. When I can. Does this mean I dont want to hang out with the internet friends I have made in the past 15 years? No. It doesnt mean that. It means that I cant sit on my ass and wait for them on their schedule. Im getting to old to handle the college and just turned 18 kids that still giggle when they see breasts.
Are you a friend on Taps? Do you still want to keep in touch? Note me.
On Nov 11, 2013, a friend of mine was walking with her almost 2 year old son and her roommate from a local grocery store. They lived just across the street and it was a last minute thing. As they were crossing a somewhat busy street, dark due to no streetlights and no sidewalks or pedestrian crosswalks, they were struck at 35mph by an SUV. The impact sent my friend flying, her baby, which was in a baby stroller and I am not sure if he was buckled in or not, was thrown out of the stroller about ten feet. Her friend was tossed to the side of the road.
Little Marshall stopped breathing. By all reports he was a tangled mess. They brought him back, but sadly he passed away. Just 5 days before his 2nd birthday.
His mom, my friend Kellie, sustained head trauma and was put in a medically induced coma. She is bruised over 80% of her body. She has a broken cheekbone, multiple lacerations and as of today when I called her family, she is no longer in a chemical coma, yet she hasnt woken up. She doesnt know her youngest child has passed on.
Her friend broke her leg from him to foot, having to go through surgery to fix it and will probably have difficulties walking.
I am still in shock. I have difficulties moving around since I injured my own self, but I made it to the hospital Wednesday. The doctor are optimistic that my friend will wake up. But there is no medical reason why she's still in a coma.
Im heart broken. That little boy was a dream. Their whole family is as close to me as siblings and parents and such. I cried for two days, for the little boy and for his mom. I am emotionally and psychologically depressed to the point of curling up in a ball and just... existing for awhile.
And I realized that everything is so petty. So very very petty. And I have re-evaluated my life in a whole new level. Im going to tell everyone how it is. Not worry about how people think of me, and live it all my way. And here's a few things...
As most have noticed, Im not on Taps much anymore. Well, I will tell you why. Its grown to be... mentally annoying. Its all about sex. And yes, Taps is a sex based muck. But it didnt used to be. It was fun, with role plays and stories and everything. And now, I log on and within a minute I have eight people wanting me to visit them so they can put Tab A into Slot B... and honestly, I think I have grown too old and too jaded to put up with all the crap that Taps put me through on a nightly basis. I dont know how many times I logged out and felt more stressed and more upset than when I logged in because of something silly.
Not that I am pointing fingers. Its GENERAL.
I am on Second Life. Im a human/elf. I enjoy it because its more one on one and more of a social gathering than someone wanting to put their hands up my skirt or grope my boobs. I got a nice group of friends that I respect and who respect me. And some I have known for years! And yes, there is even Roleplay and music and fun. I laugh with them.
So am I weening myself off Taps? No. I just wont be on EVERY night. I may pop on every once in awhile to scratch an itch but it wont be a major thing.
Second, I will be 40 in a month. 40... And its high time I hang out with people my own age and have a life OFF the computer. Which I do. When I can. Does this mean I dont want to hang out with the internet friends I have made in the past 15 years? No. It doesnt mean that. It means that I cant sit on my ass and wait for them on their schedule. Im getting to old to handle the college and just turned 18 kids that still giggle when they see breasts.
Are you a friend on Taps? Do you still want to keep in touch? Note me.
Under the weather...
Posted 12 years agoLately I have been feeling run down, all discombobulated and just plain blech. I have been feeling like this for the past couple months. Especially since my trip to Atlanta. I think I caught some mutant bug or something form the trip. I actually had the flu for a few days after I got back, then I was having stomach issues. This all melted into hay fever season which kills me every year in a special way. There isnt enough Claritin in the world for me to feel normal when its the season of mowing lawns.
The past couple weeks have been a little sucky. I cant breath through my nose, my sinuses feel like some stupid ass gnome crammed their underwear up my nose and I havent been able to hear out of my left ear in over a week and a half.
I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with... tada.. Sinus Infection. Woo.
So luckily I have actually been able to get antibiotics, which are helping.. YAY. But between working 10 hour days almost every day, six days a week... Im exhausted. So very exhausted.
I have been coming home, changing... then crashing either on the couch or in my computer chair. I veg with a book, or I chat and yak on Second Life or I just play Ragnarok 2 and play the night away. I dont ignore people on purpose. Its one of those things that happen...
So catch me on Second Life, or on Ragnarok 2 or even Taps.... In the meantime, woo... still getting over the damned sinus infection.
The past couple weeks have been a little sucky. I cant breath through my nose, my sinuses feel like some stupid ass gnome crammed their underwear up my nose and I havent been able to hear out of my left ear in over a week and a half.
I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with... tada.. Sinus Infection. Woo.
So luckily I have actually been able to get antibiotics, which are helping.. YAY. But between working 10 hour days almost every day, six days a week... Im exhausted. So very exhausted.
I have been coming home, changing... then crashing either on the couch or in my computer chair. I veg with a book, or I chat and yak on Second Life or I just play Ragnarok 2 and play the night away. I dont ignore people on purpose. Its one of those things that happen...
So catch me on Second Life, or on Ragnarok 2 or even Taps.... In the meantime, woo... still getting over the damned sinus infection.
About me quiz
Posted 12 years agoOn my lunch break from work, decided to toss this in...
1. We all know what we call you, what about the folks at home? What's your name? My real name is Nicole. But I have been called Nik, Niki, Iki, Myniki, Moonbeam, Chika...
2. How tall are you?
5'2"
3. Natural hair color?
Mousy dark brown
4. What about eye color?
Brown
5. What orientation are you?
Straight
6. Are you single, taken, or undecided?
Single, kinda looking... but not really? I dont know...
7. What do you do in your spare time?
Read, surf Tumblr, chat on Taps, occasional writing.
8. What's your job?
Food preparation.
9. What's one thing you like about yourself?
That I am adaptable... My next tattoo is going to be a Chameleon. I am a military brat so I learned to adapt to any situation. Chameleon sounds like the right choice for me.
10. Alright, now what about something you dislike about yourself?
I can be pessimistic about things too quickly. My mood swings to the dark despair too easily. I need to be more optimistic about things.
11. What's some things your friends noticed about you when they first met you?
That I am fun, that I am up to anything new. My best friend and I became besties when she posted on Livejournal that she wanted to go to New Orleans and wanted someone to go with her. She was just being all mopey about it. I posted that I would go with her. Three months later we are on Bourbon street getting drunk on daiquiris and bonding over being book lovers and being ultra nerdy with stuff. We've been inseparable ever since.
12. Of what faith/religion are you(if any at all?)
I am Pagan. What one would call a Solitary Witch. I dont follow a coven. I guess you would consider me a Catholic that only goes to church on the High Holidays. I dont have an altar and I dont dance naked on the full moon. I believe in the Three Fold law, the Rede and that everyone is equal in the embrace of Mother Gaia.
13. Do you drink?
I do occasionally... but after my trip to Georgia, I am NEVER drinking Rum Again... *blech*
14. Do you smoke?
I smoke a no nicotine E-cig. Why? Because its the habit... I used to smoke a long time ago and when I get stressed now and I have to smoke. Its relaxing to me. And its not harmful. The vapor cigs are tasty too. Im addicted to the Butterscotch.
15. What are your fears?
Honestly? Being alone. Which is why I make a lot of bad decisions when it comes to guys. That and mice and rats. And heights. And bridges... and overpasses... Ugh...
16. What are your dreams/goals?
To do more traveling. More writing, to become healthier and more active.
17. Ever had any crushes/ex's in the past/present?
Ex's? I had a few and the apex of my bad decision making. Crushes? Yes... but I dont think they see me as anything other than a good friend. Which is just as well.
18. Who's your best bud?
My friend Cristina. She embraces the furry side, she and I exchange books like every day, she gets me and I get her.
19. Alright, you got the cravin' for munchies, what'cha reachin' for?
Oh my... it depends. My munchies are weird. Cauliflower with ranch dressing, hummus and chips, and if I want to get really really naughty? Caramel Bugles.
20. Favorite drink?
Tea... Chai Tea mostly.
21. Favorite color?
Primary colors. Red, Blue, Yellow and black... Bright with dark.
22. If you had any super power, what would it be?
To be able to learn anything and everything by just hearing or seeing it. Learn Karate by watching Bruce Lee flicks, defensive driving by watching Fast and Furious or even learning a new language by just listening to it once.
23. Favorite movie?
Easy... Princess Bride. hands down.
24. Least favorite food?
Anything Fried. Fried Chicken, Fried Pork Chops. Its rare when I eat something fried.
25. Quick! You have only one meal left before you die!!! What is it?
Sushi, miso soup, Indian Chai tea and Ben And Jerry's Phish Food.
26. What do you drive/wish you drove?
The one car I have always wanted since I was a teen? An orange Convertable Beetle.
27. Most disliked bug?
Spider Crickets... they creep me the fuck out. I mean seriously... how alien do those bastards look??? Spider Cricket
28. Most hated pet peeves?
People who take 10 minutes reading a menu then ask me if I had something that is obviously NOT on the menu. And people who toss out information they learned while watching a movie... Dont tell me about the Titanic after watching Leo and Kate or declare that the Passion of the Christ was a Real Life story!
29. Dislike in life?
How people have to be a certain way to succeed in life. That sometimes hard work alone doesnt help a person succeed in life. That good people who do everything the right way can lose everything or have the worst luck in life. That sometimes good people cant get a break in life.
30. Most annoying?
Being overlooked. Not accepting me to my full potential.
31. Most disliked TV show?
Honey Boo Boo. Gah... Its.. strangely addictive if you happen to catch one episode. But its more of a trainwreck than anything. And those Toddler and Tiaras shows where moms dress their little 4 year olds like 30 year old hookers. In fact 30 year old hookers wear more clothes and less makeup than these little girls.
1. We all know what we call you, what about the folks at home? What's your name? My real name is Nicole. But I have been called Nik, Niki, Iki, Myniki, Moonbeam, Chika...
2. How tall are you?
5'2"
3. Natural hair color?
Mousy dark brown
4. What about eye color?
Brown
5. What orientation are you?
Straight
6. Are you single, taken, or undecided?
Single, kinda looking... but not really? I dont know...
7. What do you do in your spare time?
Read, surf Tumblr, chat on Taps, occasional writing.
8. What's your job?
Food preparation.
9. What's one thing you like about yourself?
That I am adaptable... My next tattoo is going to be a Chameleon. I am a military brat so I learned to adapt to any situation. Chameleon sounds like the right choice for me.
10. Alright, now what about something you dislike about yourself?
I can be pessimistic about things too quickly. My mood swings to the dark despair too easily. I need to be more optimistic about things.
11. What's some things your friends noticed about you when they first met you?
That I am fun, that I am up to anything new. My best friend and I became besties when she posted on Livejournal that she wanted to go to New Orleans and wanted someone to go with her. She was just being all mopey about it. I posted that I would go with her. Three months later we are on Bourbon street getting drunk on daiquiris and bonding over being book lovers and being ultra nerdy with stuff. We've been inseparable ever since.
12. Of what faith/religion are you(if any at all?)
I am Pagan. What one would call a Solitary Witch. I dont follow a coven. I guess you would consider me a Catholic that only goes to church on the High Holidays. I dont have an altar and I dont dance naked on the full moon. I believe in the Three Fold law, the Rede and that everyone is equal in the embrace of Mother Gaia.
13. Do you drink?
I do occasionally... but after my trip to Georgia, I am NEVER drinking Rum Again... *blech*
14. Do you smoke?
I smoke a no nicotine E-cig. Why? Because its the habit... I used to smoke a long time ago and when I get stressed now and I have to smoke. Its relaxing to me. And its not harmful. The vapor cigs are tasty too. Im addicted to the Butterscotch.
15. What are your fears?
Honestly? Being alone. Which is why I make a lot of bad decisions when it comes to guys. That and mice and rats. And heights. And bridges... and overpasses... Ugh...
16. What are your dreams/goals?
To do more traveling. More writing, to become healthier and more active.
17. Ever had any crushes/ex's in the past/present?
Ex's? I had a few and the apex of my bad decision making. Crushes? Yes... but I dont think they see me as anything other than a good friend. Which is just as well.
18. Who's your best bud?
My friend Cristina. She embraces the furry side, she and I exchange books like every day, she gets me and I get her.
19. Alright, you got the cravin' for munchies, what'cha reachin' for?
Oh my... it depends. My munchies are weird. Cauliflower with ranch dressing, hummus and chips, and if I want to get really really naughty? Caramel Bugles.
20. Favorite drink?
Tea... Chai Tea mostly.
21. Favorite color?
Primary colors. Red, Blue, Yellow and black... Bright with dark.
22. If you had any super power, what would it be?
To be able to learn anything and everything by just hearing or seeing it. Learn Karate by watching Bruce Lee flicks, defensive driving by watching Fast and Furious or even learning a new language by just listening to it once.
23. Favorite movie?
Easy... Princess Bride. hands down.
24. Least favorite food?
Anything Fried. Fried Chicken, Fried Pork Chops. Its rare when I eat something fried.
25. Quick! You have only one meal left before you die!!! What is it?
Sushi, miso soup, Indian Chai tea and Ben And Jerry's Phish Food.
26. What do you drive/wish you drove?
The one car I have always wanted since I was a teen? An orange Convertable Beetle.
27. Most disliked bug?
Spider Crickets... they creep me the fuck out. I mean seriously... how alien do those bastards look??? Spider Cricket
28. Most hated pet peeves?
People who take 10 minutes reading a menu then ask me if I had something that is obviously NOT on the menu. And people who toss out information they learned while watching a movie... Dont tell me about the Titanic after watching Leo and Kate or declare that the Passion of the Christ was a Real Life story!
29. Dislike in life?
How people have to be a certain way to succeed in life. That sometimes hard work alone doesnt help a person succeed in life. That good people who do everything the right way can lose everything or have the worst luck in life. That sometimes good people cant get a break in life.
30. Most annoying?
Being overlooked. Not accepting me to my full potential.
31. Most disliked TV show?
Honey Boo Boo. Gah... Its.. strangely addictive if you happen to catch one episode. But its more of a trainwreck than anything. And those Toddler and Tiaras shows where moms dress their little 4 year olds like 30 year old hookers. In fact 30 year old hookers wear more clothes and less makeup than these little girls.
In which the elf comes back from her road trip...
Posted 12 years agoThere is an episode of Castle (Nathan Fillion aka Caleb aka Captain Malcolm Reynolds) in which he says this as he's describing his ex wife moving into the same city as him...
"That would be a very special brand of hell. The hell of a deep fried twinkie."
"Deep fried twinkie?"
"Yeah. The guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you, so you only do it once, maybe twice a year, for the novelty.... but a deep fried twinkie every day is... *disgusted look on face*"
Georgia is my deep fried twinkie. I mean, I get all excited over the novelty of being with this guy. He's fun, he's wild and as the week goes by I realize.... I would kill him if I spent more than a few days with him. I mean. Seriously kill him. Hide him in the backyard kinda kill. He got on my nerves after a few days. I realized that I wouldnt survive around him for long. I would become... dark. Dismal. Mean. Cruel. I would lose myself so fast. Sure, he brought the wicked sex kitten out of me. But geez... I couldnt do that everyday. I couldnt do that all the time. Pretend to be someone I am not. Sure, it may be good for some folks.
*sigh* Will I never see him again? I cant tell you that. I probably will. Give me a few months to a year. It will get all exciting again. I will just be lonely enough. And it will all connect for the two of us. I will be determined to run off and find my future and then I will realize that its not with him. It takes a special kind of crazy to deal with me. A kind of crazy that doesnt really exist.
In the meantime, Im getting over the plague. Or some variation of it. Sniffles and coughing and swollen things. Im still hacking. Not enough to be stuck in bed. But enough to still feel run down.... and certainly not up for more than this kind of thinking. I mean, I may just pass out after this.
So... that's all it is in a nutshell. I may reveal more or I wont. Who knows?
"That would be a very special brand of hell. The hell of a deep fried twinkie."
"Deep fried twinkie?"
"Yeah. The guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you, so you only do it once, maybe twice a year, for the novelty.... but a deep fried twinkie every day is... *disgusted look on face*"
Georgia is my deep fried twinkie. I mean, I get all excited over the novelty of being with this guy. He's fun, he's wild and as the week goes by I realize.... I would kill him if I spent more than a few days with him. I mean. Seriously kill him. Hide him in the backyard kinda kill. He got on my nerves after a few days. I realized that I wouldnt survive around him for long. I would become... dark. Dismal. Mean. Cruel. I would lose myself so fast. Sure, he brought the wicked sex kitten out of me. But geez... I couldnt do that everyday. I couldnt do that all the time. Pretend to be someone I am not. Sure, it may be good for some folks.
*sigh* Will I never see him again? I cant tell you that. I probably will. Give me a few months to a year. It will get all exciting again. I will just be lonely enough. And it will all connect for the two of us. I will be determined to run off and find my future and then I will realize that its not with him. It takes a special kind of crazy to deal with me. A kind of crazy that doesnt really exist.
In the meantime, Im getting over the plague. Or some variation of it. Sniffles and coughing and swollen things. Im still hacking. Not enough to be stuck in bed. But enough to still feel run down.... and certainly not up for more than this kind of thinking. I mean, I may just pass out after this.
So... that's all it is in a nutshell. I may reveal more or I wont. Who knows?
I which the elf goes on a road trip...
Posted 12 years agoI am currently writting this from somewhere near the Louisiana border. Isnt technology awesome? Im taking a week long trip to Atlanta, Georgia to stay with a friend, check out the area, see if there is any opportunities there. Not sure what will come out of it. But who knows?
Superbowl Ads...
Posted 12 years agoI admit, I watched a bit of the Super Bowl. I really didnt care who won. But I was there for MOST of the ads. Some were cute and some were quirky and some made me wonder who needed to be taken out back and shot for coming up with it. But one commercial stood out and even now its making me tear up...
The Budweiser Super Bowl Ad with the baby Clydesdale. http://youtu.be/o2prAccclXs
Im a military brat, lived all over the place in many cities and bases. But I lived the longest in St. Louis during my formative years, ie 5th grade to High School graduation.
This commercial made me CRY like a baby... I remember when I went to Grant's Farm to do the tour. Grant's Farm back in the late 80s early 90s housed some of the Clydesdales from the Budweiser commercials.
I remember one trip the tour guild led us into the barn where they were housed and one of them decided it was birthing time. I watched as a mama Clydesdale drop a fowl right there.
It was one of the most beautiful and heart filling experiences in my life. They always have a part of my heart. And even though I have a deep seeded fear of horses, I think the Clydesdales are the most beautiful horses ever.
The Budweiser Super Bowl Ad with the baby Clydesdale. http://youtu.be/o2prAccclXs
Im a military brat, lived all over the place in many cities and bases. But I lived the longest in St. Louis during my formative years, ie 5th grade to High School graduation.
This commercial made me CRY like a baby... I remember when I went to Grant's Farm to do the tour. Grant's Farm back in the late 80s early 90s housed some of the Clydesdales from the Budweiser commercials.
I remember one trip the tour guild led us into the barn where they were housed and one of them decided it was birthing time. I watched as a mama Clydesdale drop a fowl right there.
It was one of the most beautiful and heart filling experiences in my life. They always have a part of my heart. And even though I have a deep seeded fear of horses, I think the Clydesdales are the most beautiful horses ever.
Stolen Meme "How Old Were You" meme.
Posted 12 years agoBorrowed from 
Koyote who borrowed it from 
k-dog08
Fell in love?
I thought I was in love a few times. But the first time I THOUGHT I was in love? 25.
Lost someone close to you?
I was 16 year old when my paternal grandfather died. It was on my parent's anniversary and my grandma was at my house for dinner. She told me to go get my grandpa. They lived just down the street from us. I found him in bed, radio playing, cigarette still smoking.
Consumed alcohol?
I had my first sip of beer at age 2... yay for my dad's military friends. And I had my first wine cooler at age 16 and my first night of drunken fun at 21.
Received a kiss?
My first kiss? His name was Johnny. He was older. Sophisticated. And 8. I was a youthful 5 years old. It wasnt until I was 17 when I had my first real kiss.
Went to the hospital?
When I was 8 I had my tonsils out. Spent the night. It was before all that new fangled laser contraptions.
Had a broken heart?
I remember the day... December 5th 2000. The day my ex husband cheated on me the first time. I was almost 27.
Lost a pet?
I never had a pet die until I was about 23 when my pet guinea pig, Colby died. It was so sad...
Got arrested?
Never ever ever been arrested.
Broke a bone?
I was 22, rough housing with my brother and I slammed my toe into the bed. Broke my toe and dislocated it. Does that count?
Got a job?
17 years old at the Dairy Queen. Fun times.
Got a boyfriend or girlfriend?
25... it was my ex husband.
Went to a concert?
It was an Elton John concert.. It was a first and LAST date... I was about 24.
Met someone famous?
During the 4th of July weekend, St. Louis holds a fair called the VP (Veiled Prince) Fair. They hold concerts and games and such... Celebrities came and went. I helped with the water tent. During that time I met Dolly Parton, Joanna Kerns and Robert Urich. I was... a teenager...
Got in a car wreck?
I was the passenger in a rear end collision. We rear ended... My knee went through the glove box. Its never been the same since. I as in my early twenties.
Dyed your hair?
I was 19... I was 19 and I noticed I was going grey. My uncle was completely grey at 28. But I was a girl and I was holding that off until I could. Im slowly letting it come back since I turned 39.
Flew on an airplane?
I was 2 years old when I flew to Germany.
Went to another state?
Military brat... Born in Indiana... moved to Germany at 2... then it was Colorado, South Dakota, Missouri, Georgia, back to Missouri, Oklahoma, back to Missouri again, North Carolina, Ohio, back to Oklahoma...
Got a tattoo?
I have two... a red/yellow/orange gecko on my back I wanted since I was 16, I got that one when I was 32. And a Red/yellow/red bird on a blue/purple bubble in 2009.
Had a piercing?
Got my ears pierced when I was ten... I am up to 6 holes.
Smoked pot?
I was... 30. Late bloomer. Every couple years I partake.
Smoked a cigarette?
I started at 17. Peer pressure and all that. I still feel the urge to pick one up when I get too freaked out or stressed. Im thinking of getting Blu ecigs.
Went to Disney Land or World?
Never been. But maybe I can go to Disney Land some day...
Had A Long term relationship?
I think, if anything... My marriage was the only real long term relationship I had. It lasted from 1999 to 2003.
Dated somebody of another race?
I went on a couple dates with an African American guy. He was nice. We decided that we were just not going to be anything more than friends. I was 16.
Passed out from drinking?
Never passed out from drinking. Woot!
Were dumped?
Oh yea... the last ex decided we were no longer dating... he forgot to tell me before he decided to get engaged again. That would make me 38.
Koyote who borrowed it from 
k-dog08Fell in love?
I thought I was in love a few times. But the first time I THOUGHT I was in love? 25.
Lost someone close to you?
I was 16 year old when my paternal grandfather died. It was on my parent's anniversary and my grandma was at my house for dinner. She told me to go get my grandpa. They lived just down the street from us. I found him in bed, radio playing, cigarette still smoking.
Consumed alcohol?
I had my first sip of beer at age 2... yay for my dad's military friends. And I had my first wine cooler at age 16 and my first night of drunken fun at 21.
Received a kiss?
My first kiss? His name was Johnny. He was older. Sophisticated. And 8. I was a youthful 5 years old. It wasnt until I was 17 when I had my first real kiss.
Went to the hospital?
When I was 8 I had my tonsils out. Spent the night. It was before all that new fangled laser contraptions.
Had a broken heart?
I remember the day... December 5th 2000. The day my ex husband cheated on me the first time. I was almost 27.
Lost a pet?
I never had a pet die until I was about 23 when my pet guinea pig, Colby died. It was so sad...
Got arrested?
Never ever ever been arrested.
Broke a bone?
I was 22, rough housing with my brother and I slammed my toe into the bed. Broke my toe and dislocated it. Does that count?
Got a job?
17 years old at the Dairy Queen. Fun times.
Got a boyfriend or girlfriend?
25... it was my ex husband.
Went to a concert?
It was an Elton John concert.. It was a first and LAST date... I was about 24.
Met someone famous?
During the 4th of July weekend, St. Louis holds a fair called the VP (Veiled Prince) Fair. They hold concerts and games and such... Celebrities came and went. I helped with the water tent. During that time I met Dolly Parton, Joanna Kerns and Robert Urich. I was... a teenager...
Got in a car wreck?
I was the passenger in a rear end collision. We rear ended... My knee went through the glove box. Its never been the same since. I as in my early twenties.
Dyed your hair?
I was 19... I was 19 and I noticed I was going grey. My uncle was completely grey at 28. But I was a girl and I was holding that off until I could. Im slowly letting it come back since I turned 39.
Flew on an airplane?
I was 2 years old when I flew to Germany.
Went to another state?
Military brat... Born in Indiana... moved to Germany at 2... then it was Colorado, South Dakota, Missouri, Georgia, back to Missouri, Oklahoma, back to Missouri again, North Carolina, Ohio, back to Oklahoma...
Got a tattoo?
I have two... a red/yellow/orange gecko on my back I wanted since I was 16, I got that one when I was 32. And a Red/yellow/red bird on a blue/purple bubble in 2009.
Had a piercing?
Got my ears pierced when I was ten... I am up to 6 holes.
Smoked pot?
I was... 30. Late bloomer. Every couple years I partake.
Smoked a cigarette?
I started at 17. Peer pressure and all that. I still feel the urge to pick one up when I get too freaked out or stressed. Im thinking of getting Blu ecigs.
Went to Disney Land or World?
Never been. But maybe I can go to Disney Land some day...
Had A Long term relationship?
I think, if anything... My marriage was the only real long term relationship I had. It lasted from 1999 to 2003.
Dated somebody of another race?
I went on a couple dates with an African American guy. He was nice. We decided that we were just not going to be anything more than friends. I was 16.
Passed out from drinking?
Never passed out from drinking. Woot!
Were dumped?
Oh yea... the last ex decided we were no longer dating... he forgot to tell me before he decided to get engaged again. That would make me 38.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays...
Posted 12 years agoI could come up with something witty and deep or funny and silly to wish all my friends a wonderful and bright holiday season, but nothing beats the old tried and true...
Merry ChristmasDecember 14
Posted 12 years agoDecember 14.
For 39 years it meant one thing to me. My birthday. Every year on the same day I would sit back, reflect, make plans and have a little fun. Last year I thought about what happened to me in August 2011 and how close I came to death. Several times. The year before, I thought about going on a diet, cutting red meat and all that lovely stuff. 9 years ago I thought of my impending divorce, my failed marriage, my suicide attempt.
But now, because of what happened in a little town in Connecticut, called Newtown. It will forever be known as the Second Worse school shooting in US history. And the worst Elementary school shooting in US history. All those children. The teachers who fought to protect them. I am still grieving over those beautiful faces frozen in time. Lost to a madman’s craze.
Why did he do what he did? What made him choose those sweet little children?
The world may never know. We may never know what drove this man to kill the innocent. To kill the adults protecting the children. To kill his own mother. We may never know what drove him to this.
End of the world hysteria?
Schizophrenia?
Just plain batshit crazy?
I dont think I want to know.
I have a niece and a nephew, ages 7 and 6. And when I heard the ages of those lost, I thought about Rylee and Skylar and I couldnt even begin to think about losing them to such a circumstance. It makes me itch to hug them and never let them go.
My nephew is in California, and I miss him every day. Every single day. And my niece is in the same city as me, and whenever she isnt around, I look forward to when she is by my side. I dont have children of my own, but my heart broke. My heart shattered. And I feel for every single parent who’s lost their child, every single sibling who’s lost their playmate and their companions, for every aunt and uncle who’s been what most call the backup parents. For every grandparent who outlived their grandchildren.
So this year. My 39th year on this planet. I closed my eyes and prayed to my goddess. I wished every soul lost that day to find their way to their eternal peace. For the children to be reunited with lost pets, their schoolmates lost that day and the teachers and adults who went with them.
As we bicker and fight over the Second Amendment. I will never lose sight of what matters most. Hugging your children everyday. Whether they are your children, your nieces or nephews or your grandchildren. And remember Christmas morning that 28 families will have unopened presents under the tree.
For 39 years it meant one thing to me. My birthday. Every year on the same day I would sit back, reflect, make plans and have a little fun. Last year I thought about what happened to me in August 2011 and how close I came to death. Several times. The year before, I thought about going on a diet, cutting red meat and all that lovely stuff. 9 years ago I thought of my impending divorce, my failed marriage, my suicide attempt.
But now, because of what happened in a little town in Connecticut, called Newtown. It will forever be known as the Second Worse school shooting in US history. And the worst Elementary school shooting in US history. All those children. The teachers who fought to protect them. I am still grieving over those beautiful faces frozen in time. Lost to a madman’s craze.
Why did he do what he did? What made him choose those sweet little children?
The world may never know. We may never know what drove this man to kill the innocent. To kill the adults protecting the children. To kill his own mother. We may never know what drove him to this.
End of the world hysteria?
Schizophrenia?
Just plain batshit crazy?
I dont think I want to know.
I have a niece and a nephew, ages 7 and 6. And when I heard the ages of those lost, I thought about Rylee and Skylar and I couldnt even begin to think about losing them to such a circumstance. It makes me itch to hug them and never let them go.
My nephew is in California, and I miss him every day. Every single day. And my niece is in the same city as me, and whenever she isnt around, I look forward to when she is by my side. I dont have children of my own, but my heart broke. My heart shattered. And I feel for every single parent who’s lost their child, every single sibling who’s lost their playmate and their companions, for every aunt and uncle who’s been what most call the backup parents. For every grandparent who outlived their grandchildren.
So this year. My 39th year on this planet. I closed my eyes and prayed to my goddess. I wished every soul lost that day to find their way to their eternal peace. For the children to be reunited with lost pets, their schoolmates lost that day and the teachers and adults who went with them.
As we bicker and fight over the Second Amendment. I will never lose sight of what matters most. Hugging your children everyday. Whether they are your children, your nieces or nephews or your grandchildren. And remember Christmas morning that 28 families will have unopened presents under the tree.
Happy Holidays
Posted 13 years agoToday I got yelled at by a customer. All because I wished him a Happy Holiday.
"Its f**king Christmas! Not f**king holiday! The reason for the f**king season is Jesus Christ! F**king heathen! You are what's wrong with this f**king country! Bitch! Go to hell!"
With that he drove off, leaving me looking a little stunned and a whole lot confused. Was I offended? No. Why? Well, because One, its not worth it. Two, I am a pagan so in essence, I AM a heathen. Three, I don't believe in Hell, and Four, if I am what's wrong with the country, the country is doing far better than I thought.
First off, I should have known better when I live smack dab in the buckle of the bible belt. With a church on every corner as well as in every bedroom and uterus in the state. Of course the Jewish, the Muslims and the Pagans are a minority. But you know what? I dont regret saying Happy Holidays.
When I wish someone a Happy Holiday, I am encompassing all religions in my thoughts. The Jewish with Hanukkah, the African Americans with Kwanzaa, the Atheists and Agnostics who celebrate the holidays as a time of compassion and love and well-being, my fellow Pagans who celebrate Yule and Winter Solstice, and the Christians with the birth of Jesus Christ. I wish all humanity a happy and healthy Holiday season. No matter if they celebrate Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah or its just another day. This season is for love and peace and respect for every human being.
Happy Holidays, my friends and family. Remember the reason for the season. Family and Friends, love, compassion and well-being. No matter what your religion. No matter what your views.
"Its f**king Christmas! Not f**king holiday! The reason for the f**king season is Jesus Christ! F**king heathen! You are what's wrong with this f**king country! Bitch! Go to hell!"
With that he drove off, leaving me looking a little stunned and a whole lot confused. Was I offended? No. Why? Well, because One, its not worth it. Two, I am a pagan so in essence, I AM a heathen. Three, I don't believe in Hell, and Four, if I am what's wrong with the country, the country is doing far better than I thought.
First off, I should have known better when I live smack dab in the buckle of the bible belt. With a church on every corner as well as in every bedroom and uterus in the state. Of course the Jewish, the Muslims and the Pagans are a minority. But you know what? I dont regret saying Happy Holidays.
When I wish someone a Happy Holiday, I am encompassing all religions in my thoughts. The Jewish with Hanukkah, the African Americans with Kwanzaa, the Atheists and Agnostics who celebrate the holidays as a time of compassion and love and well-being, my fellow Pagans who celebrate Yule and Winter Solstice, and the Christians with the birth of Jesus Christ. I wish all humanity a happy and healthy Holiday season. No matter if they celebrate Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah or its just another day. This season is for love and peace and respect for every human being.
Happy Holidays, my friends and family. Remember the reason for the season. Family and Friends, love, compassion and well-being. No matter what your religion. No matter what your views.
The allure of free art.
Posted 13 years agoBefore anyone freaks out and gets into a frenzy, I am not an artist. I can barely draw stick figures.
I barely order commissions. One because I can never afford them, so its a treat to myself when I do. And second because other than a few people, I tend to wait FOREVER for them to get done. Im not talking a few weeks. Im talking years. Some artists I give the benefit of the doubt to because they have full time jobs, or they go to college or they have a family and they give me as much information about what is going on. These artists never bullshit me around and when they are finished, their work is second to none.
Recently I came across an artist who was giving away free art. Just had to be one of the first ten to respond to their journal. So I posted and they asked me to send them a note of what I wanted done. I did this. And I saw my name on their list. Fast forward 6 months, and the list is gone, this artist has moved on to other things and the "free art" has all but been forgotten.
No, Im not out of money. No, Im not jumping up and down pissed off about this. But its disillusioning. Its hurtful to the ones that actually try to give out free art for those who cant afford it. Its burned me. I see other artists talk about giving out free art and I just ignore it.
What happened to the free art? The artist forgot. And what is going to happen to the free art? Probably not going to happen because its been another month since that conversation.
Im not an artist... but when it comes to fans, Say what you mean, and mean what you say and you will have fans for life.
I barely order commissions. One because I can never afford them, so its a treat to myself when I do. And second because other than a few people, I tend to wait FOREVER for them to get done. Im not talking a few weeks. Im talking years. Some artists I give the benefit of the doubt to because they have full time jobs, or they go to college or they have a family and they give me as much information about what is going on. These artists never bullshit me around and when they are finished, their work is second to none.
Recently I came across an artist who was giving away free art. Just had to be one of the first ten to respond to their journal. So I posted and they asked me to send them a note of what I wanted done. I did this. And I saw my name on their list. Fast forward 6 months, and the list is gone, this artist has moved on to other things and the "free art" has all but been forgotten.
No, Im not out of money. No, Im not jumping up and down pissed off about this. But its disillusioning. Its hurtful to the ones that actually try to give out free art for those who cant afford it. Its burned me. I see other artists talk about giving out free art and I just ignore it.
What happened to the free art? The artist forgot. And what is going to happen to the free art? Probably not going to happen because its been another month since that conversation.
Im not an artist... but when it comes to fans, Say what you mean, and mean what you say and you will have fans for life.
Why not?
Posted 13 years agoComment on this Journal, and I'll...
1) Tell you something I learned about you by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds.
2) Tell you a color you remind me of.
3) Tell you my first memory of you.
4) Ask you a question.
5) Tell you something I like about you.
6) Tell you the object that is to the left of me.
7) Dare you to do this yourself in your Journal.
1) Tell you something I learned about you by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds.
2) Tell you a color you remind me of.
3) Tell you my first memory of you.
4) Ask you a question.
5) Tell you something I like about you.
6) Tell you the object that is to the left of me.
7) Dare you to do this yourself in your Journal.
Stupid questions.
Posted 13 years agoPeople get asked a lot of stupid questions. I get asked a lot where I work. I try to deal with it, yet sometimes I just want to throw a drink at them. Sometimes I cant believe the logic of their questions.
"Does the meal come with a side and drink?" - Seriously? When does a meal at a restaurant NOT come with a side and drink?
"Is this the store that burned down?" - Well, if it is, I wouldnt be on the phone with you right now.
"Does the cheeseburger have cheese on it?" - I dont want to live in this world anymore... *flails*
But these are nothing compared to the one I got asked today... Granted this was an uneducated question, and I gave them the benefit of the doubt. But they continued. This is an actual conversation between me and the idiot in question.
Them : Do you have any kids?
Me : No, I cant have them.
Them : Dont you want kids?
Me : Well, yea. But I cant have them.
Them : Are you married?
Me : No, divorced.
Them : Have a boyfriend?
Me : Well, kinda off and on. Its not so much a boyfriend as a friend with benefits.
Them : Maybe they can get you pregnant? Then you can have kids.
Me : Um.. I already said I cant have kids.
Them : Why not? You arent ugly, and Ive seen lots of single mothers.
Me : I had a hysterectomy last year.
Them : That doesnt mean you cant get pregnant.
Me : Um.. yea.. that kinda does mean that. It means I have no uterus or ovaries. So... no kids.
Them : Posh, you are too young to have one of those. You should find a nice man who will give you babies and make you pregnant.
Me : (blinks at them) Okay.. sure. Have a nice day.
It was a bullet to the head kinda day...
"Does the meal come with a side and drink?" - Seriously? When does a meal at a restaurant NOT come with a side and drink?
"Is this the store that burned down?" - Well, if it is, I wouldnt be on the phone with you right now.
"Does the cheeseburger have cheese on it?" - I dont want to live in this world anymore... *flails*
But these are nothing compared to the one I got asked today... Granted this was an uneducated question, and I gave them the benefit of the doubt. But they continued. This is an actual conversation between me and the idiot in question.
Them : Do you have any kids?
Me : No, I cant have them.
Them : Dont you want kids?
Me : Well, yea. But I cant have them.
Them : Are you married?
Me : No, divorced.
Them : Have a boyfriend?
Me : Well, kinda off and on. Its not so much a boyfriend as a friend with benefits.
Them : Maybe they can get you pregnant? Then you can have kids.
Me : Um.. I already said I cant have kids.
Them : Why not? You arent ugly, and Ive seen lots of single mothers.
Me : I had a hysterectomy last year.
Them : That doesnt mean you cant get pregnant.
Me : Um.. yea.. that kinda does mean that. It means I have no uterus or ovaries. So... no kids.
Them : Posh, you are too young to have one of those. You should find a nice man who will give you babies and make you pregnant.
Me : (blinks at them) Okay.. sure. Have a nice day.
It was a bullet to the head kinda day...
100 Truths
Posted 13 years ago(Saw this on a friend's journal)
1. Last beverage: Tea with splenda.
2. Last phone call: To my mom to ask her something.
3. Last text message: To my sister discussing something about a friend of ours.
4. Last song you listened to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_8C3Z1W_HI Let Yourself Go - Green Day
5. Last time you cried: Last Saturday when we had to put my cat TJ to sleep.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: Yes... and Im kinda back with him for a third time. We had a long discussion about it. It just seems inevitable that we keep going back to each other. We were in two different places for so long. I think we are just about right with each other now.
7. Been cheated on: Yes...
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Yes... there were a few.
9. Lost someone special: I lost quite a few people who were special to me.
10. Been depressed: Oh gods, yes.
11. Been drunk and threw up: Been drunk A LOT... threw up only a few times.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Red
13. Purple
14. Black
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2012)
15. Made a new friend: Ive made a few, yes.
16. Fallen out of love: Yes... actually.
17. Laughed until you cried: Usually at something my niece said or did.
18. Met someone who changed you: No, actually.
19. Found out who your true friends were: I know who my true friends are... some were with me for the most horrible part of my life.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yea.. It happens all the time and so I usually ignore it.
21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: On cheeks? Yes... full on tongue in mouth lipsmack? No.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: A few.
23. How many kids do you want?: I cant have them so I spread my love among the nieces and nephews.
24. Do you have any pets?: I personally have one little ginger terrier mix named Amy.
25. Do you want to change your name: No, not really. I mean, its inevitable if I get married again, but I doubt that will happen.
26. Where did u last go?: Work... usually. Just work.
27. What time did you wake up today?: 10am for work.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night?: Chatting with a few friends of mine online.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: A vacation
30. Last time you saw your Mother: Today
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: I would be stronger... less wimpy when it came to some situations. Better at not letting people talk me into things to get their way.
32. What are you listening to right now: Ghost Adventures on tv. (I love Aaron!)
34. Who is getting on your nerves now?: People. Im leaving it at that to keep peace.
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook, FA, Tumblr and Goodreads
36.Whats your real name: Those who know me know it. Those who dont can just call me Niki.
37. Nicknames: My one niece calls me My Niki, my friends call me Niki. One friend calls me Moonbeam, My other nieces call me Aunt Nini. Girls at work call me Bitch. (Its alright, they are pretty cool)
39. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius.
40. Male or female? Female.
41. Primary School?: I remember some of the time I was in West Germany (When it was West Germany) And parts in Colorado and South Dakota.
42. Secondary School?: St. Louis, Missouri. It was weird.
43. High school/college?:Met some of my bestest friends here. St. Louis, Roosevelt High.
44. Hair color: Brownish to Auburn.
45. Long or short: Short. I like short.
47. Do you have a crush on someone? Kinda. I know it wont go anywhere, but yes.
48: What do you like about yourself?: I like that even though I wasnt strong before, Im stronger now. I more... leary about things and not in a bad way. Im not so trusting as I was before and falling for the first guys that tell me Im pretty. I like that I have more control of my emotions.
49. Piercings: Yes.. In my ears only.
50: Tattoos: Two... One on my back shoulderblade, and the other on my left forearm I got in New Orleans.
51. Righty or lefty: Righty
FIRST:
52. First surgery: Partial Hysterectomy on August 11, 2011.
53. First piercing: Earlobes
54. First best friend: Trisha Wilson. I was 5. I had many more since then.
55. First sport you joined: I never joined sports. I was an intellectual.
56. First vacation: When we lived in Colorado, we used to drive up to the Rocky Mountains and go camping.
57. First pair of trainers/running shoes: Really??
RIGHT NOW:
58. Eating: Beef stew and biscuits.
59. Drinking: water
60. I'm about to: Watch Bedlam on BBCAmerica
61. Listening to: The Tv.
62. Waiting for: A commercial so I can use the restroom.
63. I'm feeling: like I need to take a shower tonight.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: Not in the picture.
65. Get married?: Maybe, maybe not.
66. Career: I havent decided.
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.
69. Shorter or taller: taller
70. Older or Younger: Older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: It doesnt matter.
73. Sensitive or loud: sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.
HAVE YOU:
75. Kissed a stranger: Yes
76. Drank hard Liquor: Of course.
77. Lost glasses/contacts: Never lost my glasses. Unless its between sleep and waking up. I forget where I put them.
78. Sex on first date: Yea... there was a long period of time where I was kind of abusive to myself.
79. Broken someone's heart: I may have. I dont know.
80. Been arrested: Never
81. Turned someone down: Yes.
82. Cried when someone died: Too many times to count.
83. Fallen for a friend: Yes.
MUSIC:
84. HIP HOP: Some
85. METAL: Yes!
86. ROCK: Hell yes!
87. POP: depends.
88. COUNTRY: Some
89. R & B: A little
90. ALTERNATIVE: Yes!
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
91. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: Never. Ive always been with one person and one person only ever. I can never think of having more than one of them.
92. Did you sing today?: Yes. I sang to the radio at work.
93. Did something illegal?: A few things, but pretty minor.
94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: the 60s so I can meet my grandmother before she died.
95. The moment you would choose to relive?: My trip to New Orleans. That was always fun.
96. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Maybe a little.
97. When was the last time you lied?: Everytime someone asks me if I am okay.
98. Are you usually late, early or right on time?: Early
99. Would you give your life to save someone else's?: Yes.
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: nope.
1. Last beverage: Tea with splenda.
2. Last phone call: To my mom to ask her something.
3. Last text message: To my sister discussing something about a friend of ours.
4. Last song you listened to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_8C3Z1W_HI Let Yourself Go - Green Day
5. Last time you cried: Last Saturday when we had to put my cat TJ to sleep.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: Yes... and Im kinda back with him for a third time. We had a long discussion about it. It just seems inevitable that we keep going back to each other. We were in two different places for so long. I think we are just about right with each other now.
7. Been cheated on: Yes...
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Yes... there were a few.
9. Lost someone special: I lost quite a few people who were special to me.
10. Been depressed: Oh gods, yes.
11. Been drunk and threw up: Been drunk A LOT... threw up only a few times.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Red
13. Purple
14. Black
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2012)
15. Made a new friend: Ive made a few, yes.
16. Fallen out of love: Yes... actually.
17. Laughed until you cried: Usually at something my niece said or did.
18. Met someone who changed you: No, actually.
19. Found out who your true friends were: I know who my true friends are... some were with me for the most horrible part of my life.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yea.. It happens all the time and so I usually ignore it.
21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: On cheeks? Yes... full on tongue in mouth lipsmack? No.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: A few.
23. How many kids do you want?: I cant have them so I spread my love among the nieces and nephews.
24. Do you have any pets?: I personally have one little ginger terrier mix named Amy.
25. Do you want to change your name: No, not really. I mean, its inevitable if I get married again, but I doubt that will happen.
26. Where did u last go?: Work... usually. Just work.
27. What time did you wake up today?: 10am for work.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night?: Chatting with a few friends of mine online.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: A vacation
30. Last time you saw your Mother: Today
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: I would be stronger... less wimpy when it came to some situations. Better at not letting people talk me into things to get their way.
32. What are you listening to right now: Ghost Adventures on tv. (I love Aaron!)
34. Who is getting on your nerves now?: People. Im leaving it at that to keep peace.
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook, FA, Tumblr and Goodreads
36.Whats your real name: Those who know me know it. Those who dont can just call me Niki.
37. Nicknames: My one niece calls me My Niki, my friends call me Niki. One friend calls me Moonbeam, My other nieces call me Aunt Nini. Girls at work call me Bitch. (Its alright, they are pretty cool)
39. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius.
40. Male or female? Female.
41. Primary School?: I remember some of the time I was in West Germany (When it was West Germany) And parts in Colorado and South Dakota.
42. Secondary School?: St. Louis, Missouri. It was weird.
43. High school/college?:Met some of my bestest friends here. St. Louis, Roosevelt High.
44. Hair color: Brownish to Auburn.
45. Long or short: Short. I like short.
47. Do you have a crush on someone? Kinda. I know it wont go anywhere, but yes.
48: What do you like about yourself?: I like that even though I wasnt strong before, Im stronger now. I more... leary about things and not in a bad way. Im not so trusting as I was before and falling for the first guys that tell me Im pretty. I like that I have more control of my emotions.
49. Piercings: Yes.. In my ears only.
50: Tattoos: Two... One on my back shoulderblade, and the other on my left forearm I got in New Orleans.
51. Righty or lefty: Righty
FIRST:
52. First surgery: Partial Hysterectomy on August 11, 2011.
53. First piercing: Earlobes
54. First best friend: Trisha Wilson. I was 5. I had many more since then.
55. First sport you joined: I never joined sports. I was an intellectual.
56. First vacation: When we lived in Colorado, we used to drive up to the Rocky Mountains and go camping.
57. First pair of trainers/running shoes: Really??
RIGHT NOW:
58. Eating: Beef stew and biscuits.
59. Drinking: water
60. I'm about to: Watch Bedlam on BBCAmerica
61. Listening to: The Tv.
62. Waiting for: A commercial so I can use the restroom.
63. I'm feeling: like I need to take a shower tonight.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: Not in the picture.
65. Get married?: Maybe, maybe not.
66. Career: I havent decided.
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.
69. Shorter or taller: taller
70. Older or Younger: Older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: It doesnt matter.
73. Sensitive or loud: sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.
HAVE YOU:
75. Kissed a stranger: Yes
76. Drank hard Liquor: Of course.
77. Lost glasses/contacts: Never lost my glasses. Unless its between sleep and waking up. I forget where I put them.
78. Sex on first date: Yea... there was a long period of time where I was kind of abusive to myself.
79. Broken someone's heart: I may have. I dont know.
80. Been arrested: Never
81. Turned someone down: Yes.
82. Cried when someone died: Too many times to count.
83. Fallen for a friend: Yes.
MUSIC:
84. HIP HOP: Some
85. METAL: Yes!
86. ROCK: Hell yes!
87. POP: depends.
88. COUNTRY: Some
89. R & B: A little
90. ALTERNATIVE: Yes!
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
91. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: Never. Ive always been with one person and one person only ever. I can never think of having more than one of them.
92. Did you sing today?: Yes. I sang to the radio at work.
93. Did something illegal?: A few things, but pretty minor.
94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: the 60s so I can meet my grandmother before she died.
95. The moment you would choose to relive?: My trip to New Orleans. That was always fun.
96. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Maybe a little.
97. When was the last time you lied?: Everytime someone asks me if I am okay.
98. Are you usually late, early or right on time?: Early
99. Would you give your life to save someone else's?: Yes.
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: nope.
Rainbow Bridge...
Posted 13 years agoThey say that when a pet dies, they go to their own special heaven where they are young and healthy and there are plenty of butterflies to chase and mud puddles to romp through. And when you pass, you are reunited with them and you both cross the Rainbow Bridge into the next life.
Today I lost a family member. TJ was with us from the day he was born, my sister catching him from her cat Sassy as she gave birth. He was the runt yet with a big head and he laid claim to all our hearts. He got his name because he looked just like a cat we had since I was 8 and he lived 18 years. Tony... so he became Tony Jr. He grew up to be a big cat, rough and tumble with a nick in his ear from brawling to scars and scratches from defending our home from feline invaders.
Recently we noticed he was losing weight and his eye was swelling. So we took him to the vet. She said it could be an abscess tooth, but she wasnt sure. In fact, the other alternative would be cancer. She gave us antibiotics and medicine which didnt help. He was getting worse.
Today we took him to the vet where we decided to end his suffering. We were there to the very end, holding his paw, caressing his ears. It broke my heart. It still does. But he was with us for 15 years. And I wouldnt trade one day.
http://distilleryimage7.s3.amazonaw.....0a1c9e37_7.jpg
Goodbye TJ... We loved you.
Today I lost a family member. TJ was with us from the day he was born, my sister catching him from her cat Sassy as she gave birth. He was the runt yet with a big head and he laid claim to all our hearts. He got his name because he looked just like a cat we had since I was 8 and he lived 18 years. Tony... so he became Tony Jr. He grew up to be a big cat, rough and tumble with a nick in his ear from brawling to scars and scratches from defending our home from feline invaders.
Recently we noticed he was losing weight and his eye was swelling. So we took him to the vet. She said it could be an abscess tooth, but she wasnt sure. In fact, the other alternative would be cancer. She gave us antibiotics and medicine which didnt help. He was getting worse.
Today we took him to the vet where we decided to end his suffering. We were there to the very end, holding his paw, caressing his ears. It broke my heart. It still does. But he was with us for 15 years. And I wouldnt trade one day.
http://distilleryimage7.s3.amazonaw.....0a1c9e37_7.jpg
Goodbye TJ... We loved you.
My new baby girl
Posted 13 years agoA couple of weeks ago, my dad decided he was going to adopt a puppy. It was a spur of the moment thing where they went to the pet store to buy something for one of their other two dogs. Dad said he saw this little red furred cutey and fell in love. She was the only one not vying for attention. She was curled up in her cage just watching from afar. So he adopted her.
Needless to say, she didnt quite take to him. She was skittish and unwelcoming. But she always huddled near me. Wanted to be with me. I would walk in the door and she would jump for joy. She followed me around and loved on me.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. You dont adopt them, they adopt you. So let me introduce to you my new baby...
Miss Amy.
http://web.stagram.com/p/2775484967.....26419_33866376
Needless to say, she didnt quite take to him. She was skittish and unwelcoming. But she always huddled near me. Wanted to be with me. I would walk in the door and she would jump for joy. She followed me around and loved on me.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. You dont adopt them, they adopt you. So let me introduce to you my new baby...
Miss Amy.
http://web.stagram.com/p/2775484967.....26419_33866376
Wildfires!
Posted 13 years agoI live in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Less than half an hour away, about 20ish minutes from where I live is the town of Mannford, Oklahoma. Mannford at this very minute is in the middle of a rampaging wildfire that is threatening to take out the entire town. The wildfire has already destroyed homes and businesses and created loss for many families in that area. I have family that lives near there and friends that live near there. Their safety and well-being is my only thought as they try to save everything they own.
Please keep your thoughts and prayers out to them as well as for the safety of those in the path of the fire... which I am in. I live within city limits... just barely, but that doesnt mean that I could get affected.
Send a thought and prayer out to the firefighters that are not only fighting this, but having to do so in 100+ degree weather with winds that have been shifting to the east all day.
http://instagram.com/p/N66zOYlYaV/
Please keep your thoughts and prayers out to them as well as for the safety of those in the path of the fire... which I am in. I live within city limits... just barely, but that doesnt mean that I could get affected.
Send a thought and prayer out to the firefighters that are not only fighting this, but having to do so in 100+ degree weather with winds that have been shifting to the east all day.
http://instagram.com/p/N66zOYlYaV/
Heat Wave and Hot Flashes
Posted 13 years agoI have a whole new respect for my mom. This summer has been hell on me. What I wouldnt give to be on the same cruise as Koyote and deal with 50 degree weather. I think I am more a northern gal than a midwest/southern gal.
The heat wave triggers my hot flashes and I feel like I am on fire 24/7. I have had sleepless nights because I cant get comfortable and cool enough and during the day and while at work when its 100 outside and 110 inside? Forget about it. Im melting and grumpy and tired and blech. Its taken all I have just to keep from ripping the heads off my family much less deal with the drama that is Tapestries or Furrymuck.
I miss my Koyote ... And I hope to have my medication soon so I can properly welcome him back.
Koyote and deal with 50 degree weather. I think I am more a northern gal than a midwest/southern gal. The heat wave triggers my hot flashes and I feel like I am on fire 24/7. I have had sleepless nights because I cant get comfortable and cool enough and during the day and while at work when its 100 outside and 110 inside? Forget about it. Im melting and grumpy and tired and blech. Its taken all I have just to keep from ripping the heads off my family much less deal with the drama that is Tapestries or Furrymuck.
I miss my
Koyote ... And I hope to have my medication soon so I can properly welcome him back. ObamaCare
Posted 13 years agoOn June 28, 2012 ObamaCare passed as constitutional by five out of four US Supreme Court Justices. As well as some low points, there are many high points to this. But first, let me tell you a little story...
As some of you know, in August of 2011, I was rushed to the hospital for stomach pains. That is when I found out that not only did I have an exploded ovary, I had a five pound tumor and Ovarian cancer. I had a full hysterectomy as well as an appendectomy. It was a surgery that saved my life. I died on the table once. But by the grace of whatever higher power there was out there, I survived.
I left that hospital with a major debt. It was close to $190k. Now my bills are about $120K. I have no insurance because when I was laid off work, I lost my insurance. I am part of those group of Americans where I lost what insurance I had because my job changed. It wasnt because I quit, or because I was lazy, or because I was whelching off the good citizens of the USA. It was because I had a stroke of bad luck and I lost my insurance. And I couldnt afford it.
My insurance, because I have a pre existing condition, would run me about... $400 a month. A MONTH. I make a grand total of $600 to $900 a month. I made too much for Medicare yet I dont make enough to afford my own insurance. So I was caught in the middle.
Now thanks to ObamaCare, the limit has lifted to $15,000 a year for Medicare. I make about $10,000 to $11,000 a year. I will be able to get Medicare and not only that, I will be able to get healthcare even though I am a high risk for reoccurring cancer.
I havent gone back to the doctor since my surgery. I was due to have a checkup in February. Why havent I gone? Because I cant afford it. I cant afford more bills. But with ObamaCare, that would be fixed. And I wont have to worry about getting sick.
Here's a link to a reddit site that brings it all up in Layman's terms... http://www.reddit.com/r/explainlike.....did_it/c530lfx
As some of you know, in August of 2011, I was rushed to the hospital for stomach pains. That is when I found out that not only did I have an exploded ovary, I had a five pound tumor and Ovarian cancer. I had a full hysterectomy as well as an appendectomy. It was a surgery that saved my life. I died on the table once. But by the grace of whatever higher power there was out there, I survived.
I left that hospital with a major debt. It was close to $190k. Now my bills are about $120K. I have no insurance because when I was laid off work, I lost my insurance. I am part of those group of Americans where I lost what insurance I had because my job changed. It wasnt because I quit, or because I was lazy, or because I was whelching off the good citizens of the USA. It was because I had a stroke of bad luck and I lost my insurance. And I couldnt afford it.
My insurance, because I have a pre existing condition, would run me about... $400 a month. A MONTH. I make a grand total of $600 to $900 a month. I made too much for Medicare yet I dont make enough to afford my own insurance. So I was caught in the middle.
Now thanks to ObamaCare, the limit has lifted to $15,000 a year for Medicare. I make about $10,000 to $11,000 a year. I will be able to get Medicare and not only that, I will be able to get healthcare even though I am a high risk for reoccurring cancer.
I havent gone back to the doctor since my surgery. I was due to have a checkup in February. Why havent I gone? Because I cant afford it. I cant afford more bills. But with ObamaCare, that would be fixed. And I wont have to worry about getting sick.
Here's a link to a reddit site that brings it all up in Layman's terms... http://www.reddit.com/r/explainlike.....did_it/c530lfx
Thunderstorm...
Posted 13 years agoRain falls on my roof as if the trees were throwing stones at me.
The crashing of raindrops both scares and excites my inner child.
The lights flicker as wind gusts around the poles, waving the lines like jump ropes.
The trees dancing and jumping and spinning to the song of thunder.
Lightening crashes, illuminating to the world its nightly imperfections.
I huddle in my bed, my flashlight nearby and my eyes flashing to the flicker of lightening.
I fall asleep to the downfall of rain and the echo of thunder.
Content and safe and dreaming of eating sushi with time traveling Doctors...
The crashing of raindrops both scares and excites my inner child.
The lights flicker as wind gusts around the poles, waving the lines like jump ropes.
The trees dancing and jumping and spinning to the song of thunder.
Lightening crashes, illuminating to the world its nightly imperfections.
I huddle in my bed, my flashlight nearby and my eyes flashing to the flicker of lightening.
I fall asleep to the downfall of rain and the echo of thunder.
Content and safe and dreaming of eating sushi with time traveling Doctors...
