Hope y'all good! Thanks for the patience of my fervent dramatique heh

guess who will need to go to some rehab most likely! booze just relaxes me way too well for the last month or so and i think i need to stop kidding myself i can just stop

whatever happens, whatever happens
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emXYPRlVBas

edit: i'm glad i've gotten boring enough not to post here enough. i was always a brutally direct person, just very complicated, and i'm kinda glad I don't need many words, to just say whether something is okay or not.
making it easier. watching a plant or two grow. having a roof over for years. food to eat. sometimes, people to like me. good life.
i'm still single and hopelessly romantic, but growing to like myself now, in the quiet of my room. good enough.

he ain't watching this account so:
i miss my only ex. i liked our talks. don't mean he was good for me but yeh

so i found out it's way too early for me to get off my meds, stay on antidepressants, kids

That's the one of the lessons you get from the trials of loneliness and depression - you can't afford to hide your issues, not to speak about them, because you've realized by now that it can destroy you in the long term.

This comes to you, depending on who you are, at least from time to time, and it's tiring, heavy, hard
to get through - sometimes passes by quickly, and your strength is back quite soon, sometimes
though, it all lingers, weighs you down, like an emotion long internalized, like a problem long
silenced. Is it all worth it? Will it ever amount to anything - did it, or does it, already? In my
particular case, it's never only a matter of one thing, doubt comes like a wave, making you question
everything you're doing, some topics more highlighted than others, but it's never too precise.
I've been drawing my whole life. I'll probably continue to do so - it's the one thing I can always hold
on to, and the process of creation is always rewarding and soothing, mesmerizing, puts you in a
trance like nothing else. But I look at my art - hell, I look at my intellectual and cultural progress - at
it pains me at times, will the feeling of inadequacy get stronger the more awareness I have of the
richness of my possibilities, or will I find more peace with needing my own pace in life? Do I even
need that pace? I've pushing myself hard these last two, three years, harder than I ever did - harder
than I probably could have, judging by the fact I had to work through some mental issues and have
some idea of what my problems were - but it always, always feels like it's not enough. My art could
be more polished, it could be deeper, have more emotions, more symbolism, with better combination
of colors and composition, and it's all, at those rare times, infuriating, blinds you to what you've
accomplished so far. It's hard to find an outlet for this frustration.
Thus, this bit of writing. Let's raise a glass to those of us who'd never feel like they're good enough
unless they became gods. We're gonna be alright after all.

I had an urge to write a love poem yesterday (at 5 a.m., nonetheless), but I managed to supress it.

Go ahead! Anything goes, again!

italics - upcoming; currently working on

- Xuu and a mothguy (rough sketch done) (grab that sketch and finish it up)
- lean guy in light bondage (rough sketch done)
- Guardians inspired picture (reworking the sketch)
- "And your momma takes a shine to her best son..." (fixing the anatomy)
- Balcony Scene (if I don't forget the visual image) - two men, one smoking, one in the door, inverted lights
- The Odd Life and Times of Dam the Cat and Marjani the Dog
- A Grown Ass Man Frolicking Through Autumn Leaves With His Pants Undone
- Night Walk Trio

For the first time in my life, I'm seriously doubting my passion for drawing and the skill I have. I feel like I've become too focused on it, too profilic. Everything in my life became (always were) subordinated to drawing, everything in my life was viewed as something that could have contributed to the growth of that. Turns out, I might have more needs beyond it than I thought, I might have become too much of a slave to it.
I'll think about all that...

Ask me anythin', be it about how I am lately, how many people I've slept with, or my thoughts on death of the author as an artist. But maybe not politics, I'm still not well versed in that. That aside, go for it - after one of those days of really questioning my value (again), I'm uncharacteristically chill right now.

Stealing this from  xuu, but also: will draw 31 of these. Most likely those will take longer than just October

1. no characters!! it is a kink/theme suggestion like “robot oviposition” is ok, but “mettaton laying eggs” aint.
2. bonus points if it is a combo of kinks/themes
3. you can suggest a specific body type/gender/genital for the sin 0;
4. it does not need to be fetish related like “fat girl threesome” is totes ok
5. those are suggestions, i will take what interests me. i have no obligation to draw anything

Let's go

Go ahead! Talk to me and ask me stuff, I'm hoping to get less porn-related questions here. x)
Anything indeed goes! If it sparks a discussion especially!

Okay. These are all things that for the time being I consider projects worth finishing up. The list might change as my judgement of the pic's value might change over time. Most of those have been on the backburner for absurdly long though, and my want to finish them hasn't gone away YET.
This list is, partially, my own way of motivating my lazy ass to jesuschrist finally finish them why haven't you done all of that yet
Some of these are awfully vague to you, viewer, yes. But I'm still posting those for my own sake. Also some of these because of their more furry porn-ographic nature might go straight to my main acc instead of here.

- Kylie pegging Jodan (reworking the sketch)
- Jodan and Kylie vaginal
- Jodan and Kylie vaginal + public
- Jodan and Kylie Dom/sub with Kylie tied to the chair
- Jodan and Kylie 69 + rimming
- head on shoulder kinda stuff
- "All the other boys are boring..."
- Something About Us
- Mass Effect porns (ay)
- Let Me Steal This Moment From You Now
- Lead Me Through
- Shower Fap
- Kylie Hits Up a Guy at a Club
- Kylie Nibbles on Said Guy While Dancing
- Kylie Fucks Guy Mentioned Above in the Back of a Car
- "Go To Sleep, Princess..."
- Dam and Tymo Chibis
- Old Ouran porn (ayyy)
- weshouldhavegonetomexico.png
- Isabelle Price in a swimsuit
- Anal+oral threesome (reworking)
- The Odd Life and Times of Dam the Cat and Marjani the Dog
- A Grown Ass Man Frolicking Through Autumn Leaves With His Pants Undone
- "So are you buying me a drink, or am I going home?"
- A Femme and His Butch
- Glitch seducing Zahra
- Shortbus-inspired scene 2
- Undressing in starry corridor
- Marie looking cheeky
- Adrian chilling with a thoughtful look
- Shy undressing bald guy
- Isi with a joint and a dildo
- Xuu and a mothguy
- "Would you like a cigarette..."
- D&c 2 - park
- D&c 3 - vertical
- Trans man, badger
- Self-breathplay ("Sick Fuck")
- Yours (collar, cut off face)
- "And your momma takes a shine to her best son..."
- "Show this wicked town something beautiful and new..."
- Balcony Scene (if I don't forget the visual image)
- A Snowflake, Resting
- "...Is Find a Brand New Lover!"
- Night Walk Trio (or at least organize that as a commission)

Linocut portraits:
- John Cameron Mitchell
- Richard O'Brien
- G.G. Allin
- there was someone else I wanted to draw but who was that

Real life sketches: some friends, mom maybe? - note to organize that

Landscapes - from my winter photos

Attacks of intense anxiety are a bitch.
And dissociation. Also bitch. Sucks to feel like you're locked out of your own head and having to try to get yourself back in to connect with yourself and world around you again.