I wish to open up commissions again! HOWEVER. I don't trust myself to do them quite yet... I already failed in doing one commission, so here's what i wish to do.

I think it would be in my best interest to do one commission at a time, based on a first-come-first-serve basis thingy. What i mean with one at a time would be it would only be listed that im doing a commission for one person. But as soon as I finish it, I'll move on to the next person who wishes for a commission!

Commission information here!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17716189/

I've been told that it's best to request payments up front. I work on my artwork in a day-by-day basis in this way based on what type of commission people want:
Day 1, Preliminary sketch
Day 2, sketch (which will likely be cleaner than whats shown in the commission info picture)
Day 3, linework
Day 4, flat colors
Day 5, Shining and shading

So here's what im gonna do! Anyone that wants a commission, leave a comment, because if i get comments and notes it'll be difficult to tell who gets commissions in what order. Just leave a comment saying if you want a commission, and then i will note you once its your turn for the commission! This way i will be able to keep things organized (because i need organization and schedules in my life or i cant function well which is how i messed up my last commission) and be able to keep doing commissions for as long as people want them ^w^

I’ve been having quite the number of computer problems lately. Im sorry for that! Luckily my tablet IS working again, so hopefully I’ll be able to make some more stuff again soon enough. But don't expect too much until next year >.< sorry

Just a pseudo-rant journal, thing i guess. I dunno.

I just feel... tired of stuff. I can't seem to get anything done anymore. With college, i can't seem to remember that i have homework to do, and even when its sitting in front of me for hours on end, I can't find the focus or energy to do it. When i try to finish some work, I get weak and give up on it and procrastinate until the last minute, whereupon it ends up with a bad grade. But do i do anything? Not really.

Online i feel like i've been neglecting my friends. I don't talk with anyone, i don't play with anyone, i barely do anything on there anymore except complain about stuff. Stuff happens, i complain about it, that's how i usually go because i don't have anyone at college to really talk to. The four people i consider friends are more like "friends", because the way they treat me sometimes is less than optimal, and it upsets me often. But i can't seem to make other friends, so im stuck with them.

Then there's my artwork. I know it seems like i've been doing stuff lately, but, its things i made out of impulse. I no longer seem to have the drive to constantly draw or do anything creative, unless im in the moment or something. Even the commission i'm supposed to be doing for  sootthewolf doesn't want to happen. And he's the second person to commission me, back in mid September. And now its November. 2 months later and i've barely done anything with it. I feel ashamed that i've let down one of my best friends...

I just don't feel good anymore. I don't know what to do... Someone help me


TL;DR - Im tired. Can't work. Can't socialize. Can't make friends. Can barely draw. Can't seem to be happy for extended periods of time anymore. Help...

The two open spots have been claimed!

1.  breakdown101
2.  sootthewolf

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17716189/
Please refer here for commission information if you wish to have one in the future


Might as well do this now. Commissions shall open up! Two slots though to start off.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17716189/
Please refer here for commission information

Slots:
1.
2.

Yes! I will be opening commissions soon here! However, as this is very new to me, i will only be opening up one or two slots for them. After i finish the final FA request, I will post a price sheet, and make another journal stating that I'm open for commissions. It will be on a first come first serve basis!

Requests to finish:
 shadowwolfdragon12 His character Lance as fat as possible

As i finish up my requests, I'm researching more and more into paypal. I have an account with a tiny bit of money on it as well. However I try to figure out how to apply for a debit card and i have no clue how to do that. Can someone help please?



Requests to finish:
 shadowwolfdragon12 His character Lance as fat as possible

Tumblr Requests
Gesr - http://gesr-blog.tumblr.com/ - His ponysona, drawn even blobbier than had been drawn before
Anon - Wolfen being very gassy

Sad to say, but this is likely all the requests i can handle now. There's a lot going on in my life still and I can only handle about 1 or 2 sketches a day, when i'm free.

Here's the final list!

 snivs-the-snivy - His Character alongside myself, wearing the same clothes i am, with Wolfen veeeeeery fat COMPLETE
 AzureLief - His dragon Blaze, fattened up and selling me pastries COMPLETE
 Izaak - Lead and Wolfen hugging COMPLETE
 A25 - His Bangaa big and fat, acting sexy COMPLETE
 uhkam - A big blobby me devouring planets COMPLETE
 Ghostfox91 - Himself sinking into Wolfen's big belly COMPLETE
 Coolboy21 - A fat Donatello eating Pizza COMPLETE
 VGM22 - Himself and Wolfen being fatties together COMPLETE
 Rasponov - A blobby version of his sona COMPLETE
 joe-anthro - Fat King Sombra showing off his massive booty COMPLETE
 roythedragon - Himself feeding Wolfen COMPLETE
 skruffyhusky - Himself eating pizza and getting incredibly fat COMPLETE
 tai_dRagOn - Himself as a fatty eastern dragon eating cake COMPLETE
 icefyer - A fatty Stitch with a massive rear and gut COMPLETE
 greendragon101010 - His Character as a big blob being hose fed COMPLETE
 ChristineMan58 - Fat Godzilla rampaging through a city COMPLETE
 killajor - His sona teasing a blobby Wolfen with pizza COMPLETE
 OmegaWolf9293 Draw himself as a Bolf COMPLETE
 Chompychomp Draw a fat Dillon from Dillon's Rolling Western
 shadowwolfdragon12 His character Lance as fat as possible

Tumblr Requests
Gesr - http://gesr-blog.tumblr.com/ - His ponysona, drawn even blobbier than had been drawn before
Anon - Wolfen being very gassy

Again, this is the FINAL list! No more requests will be accepted.
The request window has been open since July 24th, so if you missed it its on you! .3.

Alright! Here is my current list of requests pending
 Victor-the-Servine - Himself as a massively blobby butted Lugia after graduating COMPLETE
 danielherox - His character as a macro blob drinking the oceans COMPLETE
 Choice_D - Fat StarFox trying to fit into his Arwing COMPLETE
 fatthoron2 - A super blobby version of his dragon
 snivs-the-snivy - His Character alongside myself, wearing the same clothes i am, with Wolfen veeeeeery fat
 AzureLief - His dragon Blaze, fattened up and selling me pastries
 Izaak - Lead and Wolfen hugging
 A25 - His Bangaa big and fat, acting sexy
 ukham - A big blobby me devouring planets
 Ghostfox91 - Himself sinking into Wolfen's big belly
 Coolboy21 - A fat Donatello eating Pizza
 VGM22 - Himself and Wolfen being fatties together
 Rasponov - A blobby version of his sona
 joe-anthro - Fat King Sombra showing off his massive booty
 roythedragon - Himself feeding Wolfen
 skruffyhusky - Himself eating pizza and getting incredibly fat
 tai_dRagOn - Himself as a fatty eastern dragon eating cake
 icefyer - A fatty Stitch with a massive rear and gut
 greendragon101010 - His Character as a big blob being hose fed
 ChristineMan58 - Fat Godzilla rampaging through a city
 killajor - His sona teasing a blobby Wolfen with pizza

Tumblr Requests
Gesr - http://gesr-blog.tumblr.com/ - His ponysona, drawn even blobbier than had been drawn before
Anon - Wolfen being very gassy

I'll be going down the list as it is now, as this was the order i got them in. Keep in mind everyone, that this is 23 sketch requests , and I'm nearly finished with a summer class. So depending on family conditions and life stuff, I may not be able to draw right away. BUT! I will be drawing them all! :D

If you still wanna try squeezing in a request for after all these are complete, leave some info below! I'll need a ref sheet of who/what you want drawn, and what you want drawn. But always keep in mind, that these will be sketches , and not full drawings. On average, a complete drawing, without shading, takes me at the very least 2 hours. So yeah x3

Alright! Time to get back into the swing of things. I wanna start drawing again! So here’s your chance to send me any (sfw) requests you can think of, and i’ll try and sketch out as many as i can.

You can also send me requests through tumblr if ya want at http://big-wolfen.tumblr.com/ so then i'd be able to respond directly to you, if you're not an anon, when i finish it

http://big-wolfen.tumblr.com/

New and improved site! Even more to come most likely in the future.

So as some of you have known, i had TWO tumblr blogs! But that was before i had to take a break from the internet as a whole due to some stupid stuff irl. But things are better. Now i realize that there's no way i can operate two separate blogs, so i'll be closing them both down and starting up another one. One that i hope i'll be able to operate much better now that i know more about how to do tumblr stuff!

So be on the lookout for it :3

In fact, things have only gotten worse. Much, much, worse.
Short update.

Today i wrote in my personal journal

"As of this week, I decided to take a break from many online things. Fur Affinity, Skype, YouTube, Tumblr, and such. I did this in order to concentrate on my classes, raising my grade, and making sure I learned the material so I could bring up my GPA. As of before, I was in danger of losing my Presidential scholarship. I believe I am on the track now to correct this before it is too late. However, despite my best efforts, something even worse has come up.

I saw my advisor today to talk to her about next year’s classes, as well as the rest of the classes I still have to take for the remainder of my time at college. Suddenly I come to find that I am behind where I needed to be, where I want to be, where I thought I was all along. In order to go into medical school right after college, I have to apply to med school during the summer between junior and senior year. Also at this time, I have to take the MCAT as well. In order to take the MCAT I have to have taken certain classes. The big, big issue is with one of those classes. Biochemistry. In order to take that, I have to take Organic Chemistry One and Two. The problem is, I should have been taking both those classes this year. But I wasn’t. I’m behind. At this rate, if I were to still go on this track, I would be forced to wait a year between undergraduate and medical school. I believe this would cause some loan agreement to expire, where if I was in school then I would not have to pay back these loans. So to recap, I have not taken Organic chemistry one and two at the correct times, which means I will take biochemistry late, which means I will have to apply to medical school late, which means I will get in late, which means money handling issues and confusion.

But I won’t be taking this laying down. I am going to have to take Organic chemistry one and two during the summer, in order to catch up. It will be very, very difficult. I hate chemistry so much. But I have to do this, in order to ensure my future into becoming a doctor! Having that year in between school will completely throw me off, as it greatly deviates from the plans I have currently. I will have to do a lot of work, a lot of research, and it will require time, patience, and my own willpower. I’ll be able to do it, I know I can, despite my currently extremely stressed out attitude. It’s way too much to take in all at once. But this will come with even more sacrifice. Namely, my summer. All my time and energy will be devoted to it. It will have to be. I have to do my absolute best in order to get the credits to get back on track. With this, I still will not be able to play with my skype friends, look at YouTube or bleach or other videos online, no Tumblr, no Fur Affinity, no NOTHING. All of my being must be focused at the impending task at hand. I will rest when I find the time, but I don’t see myself resting much from now until then.

So, here’s to me saving my future. I can’t do it all at once, as this is a very long process that will have to happen, but I’ll do it somehow. Somehow…"

This means that my absence from Fur Affinity will be further extended through the summer. This is just an update. Thank you all for understanding

My friends

I am currently managing an educational, mental, and emotional crisis. I will not get into all the details, but due to the difficulty of my classes at college, i am going to have to say good bye to Fur Affinity completely for a while. I need to re-focus my entire life to do better at school, in the way i know i can. Things have been very rough for me lately, and i have made these decisions in order to be sure that I will be able to realize my dreams of becoming a doctor. With this, as stated, i will not be on Fur Affinity for the coming weeks, up until i graduate or at least until i get my life back under control.

With Skype, i will only get on rarely. The likely times one may find me on skype will become only during the weekends, but even then i will not be on long. Only to check up and tell people i am ok and such. I have many people i love, but in order for me not to burden them with my issues, i am going to do this. For my sake as well as my friends.

So it is with a heavy heart that i say good bye, but i still smile as I know i will come back. I just want to let you all know this as well. See you all later

Love
Big Wolfen

Thanks to the help of my mate, I made up a poll.
I decided that since I probably won't be doing much drawing in the coming months, I'll do animations instead! I completely forgot I had some ability with them.
So here's the poll! CLICK HERE!

Help me out y'all!

I'll say it early: Merry Christmas everyone ^w^

I really hope everyone has a very happy Christmas and new years. More than likely, next year, im not sure i'll be able to draw much... more difficult classes, more work, more labs... urf x.x So yeah... don't expect much from me... sorry guys :c Unless anyone has some ideas as to how i can draw with a roommate constantly in the room, while having a ton of work x.x

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!

It started out as any average Sunday for me. Lots of work to do, so I got to work doing it. Steadily, the work would not get done, and deadlines approached. I worried, would i get them in on time? Would i get a good grade? These last projects were a big part of my grade... I had to get them done.

And now, two days later, I've broken down twice. Stress.... stress... i can't handle it. I'm too sensitive. Too soft. I can't do this... Tomorrow i have a test and a quiz, both of which i am completely unprepared for because of the projects i was rushing to finish for Monday and today. And ya think that after i turned them in that everything would be good. I bet it would have been. I turned in the last big project and breathed a big sigh of relief. A few hours later, i get a statistics test back with a big F on the front. Yet another addition to my depression.

It seems this one is here to stay too... I was upset Sunday, and tried to sleep it off, but things only got worse on Monday, so i tried to sleep it off again after i finished one of the big projects, thinking things would get better. Usually when i get upset, i sleep and the next day i would be fine. Sleep was like a reset button for me. But i guess the button broke, because Tuesday wasn't any better.

Now in my depression i'm questioning a lot of things.

Why am I like this? Why do i get so upset about every little thing? I thought i was getting better with dealing with things... but, I guess not.

With my art, I can't keep shading and highlighting the way i did in my mini back to basics series (Which has been discontinued due to this fact) because the way i did that does not work for anything else. When I figured out that shading and shining style, i was so incredibly happy. I thought i had something that made my art stand out, made it pop, made it awesome and unique. Even if it wasn't, i was incredibly happy with how it turned out. Now that i can't do it with my other art, what's the point...? I guess i'll just cell shade... even though i find it boring to do... I can't even improve on my own art, because im too critical on myself (GEE WHAT A SURPRISE). So yeah, I'm starting to dislike my own art... wonderful...

Also... am i even really a dragon inside? Dragons are supposed to be these awesome, wondrous creatures that are powerful and all that. They face any situation head on and don't care if they get hurt as long as it gets accomplished. At least, that's how i see it. But me? Nope. I'm timid, scared of many things, unwilling to speak my mind, i avoid confrontation in any situation, im becoming pessimistic. I'm just a mess. Long ago, my heart was broken, twice. I don't think it'll ever be completely healed...

I'm under so much stress right now... i just want to cry.. But surprise surprise, i can't seem to. I'll sit in a chair, alone in my room, listening to music, and a tear or two will come out. But that's it. Nothing more. I can't let out my emotions... I've kept them bottled up for so long, I don't know how to let them out... It's all my fault that this is happening to me. I'm such an idiot. I can't deal with situations correctly or efficiently or anything like that. Oh sure, i could try practicing my art, but what would that do exactly when practice and perfectionism don't exactly mix well in my mind. A messy sketch of anything just looks like a mess to me, and then the line art I've been doing just looks boring.

I can't.... i can't keep doing this... i don't know what to do... I've talked to my friends... my mate Neysa... and of course, they were all so helpful, with wonderful advice that surely would have worked. If I ever listened... But nope, in my depression, i just can't bring myself to do anything. Everything has become a dreaded chore for me. Walking, showering, socializing. I just can't... Recently, i was able to fight off depression episodes before they started. But, this time i was too weak...

I've always been too weak... I don't know if i'll ever be strong. Its all my fault. I'm sorry everyone...

Because i can!
http://bigwolfen.tumblr.com/
http://bigwolfen.tumblr.com/
http://bigwolfen.tumblr.com/
http://bigwolfen.tumblr.com/

Go there, for future sketches and fatty stuffs. Ask me stuff too! Anything at all <3 i happily await them

ALSO! has anyone else had problems with tumblr's annoying "help tips' popping up everywhere? How do i get rid of them?!

Because i can!
http://bigwolfen.tumblr.com/
http://bigwolfen.tumblr.com/
http://bigwolfen.tumblr.com/
http://bigwolfen.tumblr.com/

Go there, for future sketches and fatty stuffs. Ask me stuff too! Anything at all <3 i happily await them

ALSO! has anyone else had problems with tumblr's annoying "help tips' popping up everywhere? How do i get rid of them?!

So yeah time to ramble on about nothing.

I've been thinking a lot about opening commissions, but it seems that every time i go to do so im blocked by something. Paypal has to have a bank account to link to in order to work, and my parents watch my bank account. I cant separate my account from theirs because 1) they control that 2) thats how they send me money in the first place and c) if i were to ask to separarate the accounts they'd ask me why why why why why this and that and the other and everything else. So yeah
However i was given the idea to open a separate banking account by myself, which seems like a possibility, though doing so seems very, very confusing. Does anyone else bank with wells fargo that i can talk to for help? The website doesnt help fix my confusion.

Then there's school. English is going good, biology is fine, spanish is for some reason very difficult all of a sudden for me, and the last class i always have to think about to remember what it was.... um... Oh, statistics. That one is fine too. Why is one bad class upsetting me so much? Perhaps because my parents will hammer me about it the entire semester and for years to come afterwards just because i did bad in one class? they've done this before about last years classes and even high school classes before. The on C i got in chemistry back in high school my dad still constantly reminds me of. Why? Why?! Its so upsetting!

Ive been upset all day today for some reason. The weather? Its dark, raining, dreary, cold... Oh, and my stupid suite mates apparently cant open a window and have to have it cold all the time in the rooms. I can only come to the room i'm currently in, my 'secret base' as i described before in a previous journal, which is just a study room in a building on campus. I can only come to this room to be at any peace or get any drawings done. If i DO open commissions, it'll only be possible because of this room. I'm alone, no one bothers me, no noises... its very nice.

But still im upset today. Its just been... really slow. Also im upset because I got Smash Bros for 3DS..... BUT I CAN'T PLAY WITH ANYONE!!! Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516 Error code 018-516!!!!!!! Every, single, time! Thats more than half the reason i got the game! To play with my friends! And now that i can't, im just.... meh...

Things... things are overall neutral for me i guess. So, yeah. Im gonna go do homework or something... i guess...

So yeah, stuffs going on

The good:
I found a place to draw! Its free of people and i can get a room all to myself up until 12 midnight, so i can draw and play and chat all i want. Its good!

The bad:
I seem to have lost my ability to draw on plain paper. I tried to draw myself today on paper, but, i couldn't get my horn right and i just ruined my own mood. Im not sure being only able to draw on a tablet is a good thing for me. Its bad D:

So yeah, just some stuffs.

SOMEONE HELP ME! DX

I think im going to go insane here! I CAN'T DRAW!
Not like that thing where i have no creativity anymore so i dont know what to draw, or in the literal sense as if i broke my hands, but no! Its worse! I can't draw because i constantly have a roommate around me now! >n<

Because he's constantly in and out of the room, its always that 'do i have time to draw something?' question in my mind, and then i start and he comes back and i rush to put it up and hide my fatty art before he can see it. Its that temptaion that i hate DX What am i supposed to do? Ive thought about going to the library to draw, or something like that, but then i'd only be able to draw on paper.

I really have no clue what to do, and its killing me DX Help!

Well I'm back in college. And this time i'll be rooming with someone within the same room, but it'll be fun! But that means some things! For one, i may not be drawing as much, but it may give me a chance to write more often instead. There may be times i wont be on Skype for a while, but i'll be back. I promise!

Rawr!

Yup! Going on vacation. Two weeks. So no art, sorry ;n;

See you all later. I love you all <3