So, the problem with drinking when you have memory loss is that when you are tipsy you agree to do things.... Let's say email someone. Then after you are no longer drinking and you are full minded and ready to actually email them... You forgot the email address.

I will get the scanner working today and upload some drawings I did!

I saw somewhere that writing your goals will help you follow through with them... so maybe it works? I hope I can figure out this dumb old lexymark thing -.-

[update...like anyone cares >.>]

So the old printer don't like my computer because it's too new.... soooo, new(er) printer time! ^w^

[second update]

You just can't setup a printer without having to contact support, can you? -w- *sigh* well, I'll be here on hold all morning I guess.

My relationship with my mother is officially totally fucked.

Where you look in the fridge to see if there is food, but there isn't, then a few minutes later you do the same thing. That is basically what my days are. Because of fatigue from meds and my life long insomnia I spend most of the day time unconscious, which just leaves me up all night with nothing to do. No one is up to talk to... I don't really know what to do, so I usually spend several hours clicking back and forth between Youtube and Furaffinity over and over just to see if Rooster Teeth decided to post a video at 3am, or if one of my friends wrote a late night journal post or put up an art piece.

My life can be summed up by a Styx song. :/

The number one reply I hear when asking people if they want to do things together is "I would if I knew you better." And the thing that I really don't understand is; Isn't that the point of doing stuff together? When I want to know someone better I would want to hang out with them or play a game with them or meet them. The longer you spend with someone and the more experiences you share the more you can know them. I would think that not knowing something would be a reason to do more with them, it is for me. So whenever they say "If I knew you better" what I hear is "I don't want to know you"

Am I wrong? I don't know what I'm supposed to do. What do they expect from me? I just.... I don't know.

I watched all the new youtube videos of the day, then all the recommended videos, then a playlist of over 200 videos on a channel that was one of the recommended videos, then came here and did my regular artist cycle to see if they have new art, then I did it four more times even though I knew nothing would be different, I have spent the last 15 or so minutes clicking refresh over and over on notes and journals just to see if anyone writes anything so that I can hear someone else's thoughts, and now it's 2 am and I've been here for over 15 hours doing basically nothing and not even noticing I haven't moved or eaten.

I feel so hollow and empty, and there is just nothing. To do anything I have to make myself; to play video games or put on a movie or listen to music even feels like a struggle. This is the worst thing to feel, just this crippling emptiness. I hate just feeling nothing.


~Quwaz the Panda