A road to decision is one which you must make sacrifice.

This journal is meant to announce a secret path that lays in front of me to all my friends ... and explain some things that have been hidden for a while.. And hidden feelings..

road 1. life style- with all my work ...please understand im going though alot of things right now... work school and college ... im being overwhelmed..everyone seems to want me and i cant talk to them sometimes and people take offense... NOT LIKE I DID ANYTHING WRONG!...if people think OH DONT PULL I WORK SO MUCH I CANT TALK BS...no... -.-" i actually work very very hard ask anyone i barely have time for anything!!! and i RESPOND to all messages that are sent as soon as i can... so dont tell me i dont talk..im busy but if u talk first i can keep up a convo!...it hurts me when others say " i cant be a friend when its only a one way friendship" wanna switch lives? cause i can use a huuuge vacation...and i'd rather be lazy but NO i got work to do and people to tend to friends who are hurt and need me seriously and friends who invite me places i get booked alot and now that i have home school college and job at same time do u think its easy when i also have HW and editing to do ? so to these people i say if u dont wanna be my friend cause i cant talk that much cause im actually working my tail off fine...w/e i care and happy to talk but its up to you. Not me...cause i want to be friends...

2.Relationships...-idk what to say... im confused and tortured by it...heres what lays ahead... (No relationships till after college) or (long distance relationship) or (local relationship which i might not be able to support and idk if it will workout and fear of stuff happening from my last relationships will come to this new one will take over me...) idk... cause i not only have very little time i am confused and what is love? ...i question it now cause love for me ...the definition has really changed alot...love for me IS NOT A FEELING ANYMORE. ...its much much more.. its Commitment , loyalty , love isint fighting if u fight in a relationship cause of things that shouldent be handled with anger...then u urself arent ready and i know im not ready yet cause i havent really recovered.. i donno if i will for a while.. so PLEASE if people would understand how much crap i been though maybe they'll understand why im not ready...why its SO hard to trust why im tortured everyday by it i want to be with my one and only love im saveing myself for but at the same time if i go into love now ill be hurt cause of paranoia i cant trust well cause of all the crap that happened to be before...its not easy I NEED TIME to recover damn it!...it really hurts me to see people not understanding...i broke alot of hearts by rejecting them when some come up to me saying "bigz i love u and u make me feel so right and happy and when im with u im in joy"....i broke their hearts and said i cant im not ready..its not u people...its me..i need time and i need to be alone for a while until i fully recover...please...understand...its not easy for me ...i been alone in my bed dwelling on the ones i hurt im in enough pain already... just stop v.v...

3.Friends- i love u guys and thanks for being there for me and ill always be there for u and even if im super busy and one of u are in deep..and need my help asap ill travel to the other side of NY and help u guys anytime cause my friends are my family but also ...im sometimes busy to hangout v.v im sorry to u all if i cant make it one day...i really want to and want to see u guys have fun but sometimes stuff books me down...and i cant make it..<=( im sorry to u guys..and i'll make it up to u during my free time!

DRAMA- relationships-x.x jeez must i explain this is like a book! friends- i have 4 groups of friends my RL furry friends, my none fur RL friends, and my group RL friends who are in my club sorta thing XD and my online friends... well lets see Online friends- i have trouble keeping up and talking to them =v.v= im sorry to everyone about that i been overwhelmed...and its not easy to keep up and talks to u guys <=( im sorry... RL none fur friends - helping a friend and another friend settle their friendship i saved them from being enemy's and helping another friend who is going into relationships with my other friends causing drama cause shes in pain and breaking up with them after.. <=/ and my other friend whos a very bad influence..-.-" *sighs* ill talk to him..i want to help them cause they wont be able to settle this without me cause im the only one who can bring peace though bringing them together in words and explaining its not worth fighting <=( ,RL Furry friends-x.x (starts to rant) TOO MUCH yiff,drama,fighting, problems...ill try to work my magic with u guys <=p we should all be friends and love each other we're brothers and sisters here!!!

other news...

i dont play video games like i used to...and wont be able to v.v i miss video games...so much...DX

and saving money for a new computer for a job ...3 monitors 2 computers and a server modified ps3 x.x working together in a small hot air conditioned room 24/7 all together for my job DX

gonna start to jog and workout very hard at midday's after studies and HW cause i been eating alot cause of stress im 6'2 230 lbs..i gotta start losing some cause my DR. said my high blood pressure and eating alot is caused of stress...I AINT STRESSED!!!...<.< idk..

also i see a bunch more drama and crap ahead and heres some messages ...

1-to my friends STOP FIGHTING...its not worth it...please...lets be friends and find peace we shouldn't fight ..we should help each other...

2- fur friends-LESS YIFF. i mean if ur in a relationship sure but DONT be a stereo type furry and do the furry yiffy thing PLEASE...it makes me ..uneasy <.< and gives us a bad name..

3. thank you for everyone who was there for me ..i ll always be there for u..

Special thanks to a few rl friends and =3 u guys keep me sane *hugs all* and some i might not have mentioned or something thank you too *hugs you guys* ...this is how i feel towards most things and whats going on...i love u all i want to be friends but please understand my problems too v.v cause i understand urs...

Sorry i haven't done requests in so long for u guys who already wrote down what u wanted..i was so busy i had so little time T.T from 8am-11 home school tutoring from 12 to 4:30 pm its college and from 9pm to 1am work...i really cant keep up but soon as i have time and friends dont ask me to go everywhere XD ill do ur requests as soon as i can! Sorry for the wait >.<

UPDATE-

1. Stressed and tired cause of my busy new schedule but i have to do all of this for my future.

2. Posting movie of furmeet soon as i can finish it WITHOUT THE CRAP CRASHING ON ME DX (need to get more ram)

3. idk x.x too much is going in my life to really write soo ill just end it here XD


"when u see a giant rock heading ur way dont run..just walk to the side >.>"

sadly i wont be able to make it >.> maybe next time ...but at least i can show off my projects next time XD im only 50 % done!

FOR THE PAWS OF NY!

Delayed till after AC

i know T.T im sorry but my program keeps crashing and i restarted 5 times already.

Also 2 HOURS + of footage...gimmie a break im editing alot of stuff in there XP and its not easy to edit u know!

IF YOU COMPLAIN WHY DON'T U DO IT MR. I CAN DO IT BETTER THEN U DX GAWD! RAWR!

anyway sorry about the delay...Progress 2 min 40 seconds edited in =3


IN OTHER NEWS.

i ate a cheese burger =3 it was gooood <3

1.Deleting my old mate's pictures....they just cause pain >.<

2.(working on requests again now.)

3.GOING TO AC 26 and 27th!!! SEE YOU THERE ! 83

4.working on paws for fursuit!

5.working on videos for youtube account http://www.youtube.com/user/BigZtehwuff

6.working on being accepted into this crazy job o.o; scared to find out whats gonna happen...

7. Working on my first comic! =^.^=

8.Working on the other 2 projects i've mentioned before TOP SECRETS >=p

9.saveing money x.x hard to dooo...

10. working to open paypal for commissions...(REQUESTS CLOSED!!!)


thats it for now folks =3 stay tuned for moar!

Studying and learning PHOTOSHOP!

Newer drawing style!

Newer colors!

Newer anatomy!

BETTER QUALITY!

also: im having technical issues x.x and need to resolve them before i make new art...


LASTEST BIGZ TEH WUFF NEWS!!!!

1.Broke my phone ...again -.-" i fixed it 1000x before ill do it again! , tonight ill patch it up and 8 hours later it'll be good as new =3

2. been going though moving on and going forward issues <.< OH BOO HOO yeah yeah XP w/e ill get over it but it did delay everything i was doing D=

3.Movies are still on hold cause of STUPID AUDIO CODEX THAT DONT WORK WITH A SONY CAMCORDER!!! D=< **** SONY!!! ...ps3 rocks...pc rocks....<.< but teh camera suuuux....shoulda gotten a JVC DX anywayyy...

4.guess what...i might get a crazy job with bad people in it =D...mmhmm...not much i can say there ...but ill update yah on it...

5. collage comeing up...crap ._. i wont have time for nothing..ill have summer collage DX but ill balance it out someway >.>....




THATS ALL FOLKS!

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"back on a mission and ready to go
back on a mission and ready to throw down

It's a ratatatatt on the nucleus of your brain cell
came to rock the funky joint so I might as well
get on the one
and have some fun
and drop a break in the barrel of my shotgun
boom like a bolt of lightning goes my shotgun
I pass the mic to cause I like to
Back on a mission and ready to ride
if we dont get you now gonna get you on the b-side

coming at you live monophonic lo-fi
were cutting up rugs where the beats will never die
in it to win it no matter how skin it
no holdin back loading breaks to the finish
boom like a bolt of lightning goes my shotgun
I pass the mic to cause I like to
Back on a mission and ready to ride
if we dont get you now gonna get you on the b-side

my mission is to invade your mind
and you better believe you're gonna like my kind
strange voices in my head
freedom is what they said
back on a mission and ready to go"

Cirrus-Back on a mission ;3 (<---this song describes my mood XD)

(STATUS OF REQUESTS- Closed since - April 17, 2010 at 10:25 pm) will be open again soon (Must finish the rest of the requests before reopening, feel free to leave a note if you want to request for the future)

THAT'S RIGHT!  BigZtehwuff me, ish now making FREE ARTS!!! =D Slots open will always be updated as soon as somebody requests! =3
You know my style!
Art free! (LIMITED TIME ONLY!)
Just ask or message me =D

i use Aim , Msn, Sykpe, xfire, steam, yahoo, just ask for info, message me =3

Tell me details and everything u want Fur color , species, clothes, ETC anything and everything , WARNING I WILL NOT DO ANYTHING NUDE!!!!!!! thank you =3 im very happy to take requests =D

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FAQ
Q:Why are you doing this? -A: Well i want to improve my drawing skills ^.^ this is the best way =3 and i love to get comments and make people happy =D and get my skill improved XD

Q- where will my request be posted? A: My page =3 you can view and favor it there =^.^= if u wish to have the file i could send it to you by e mail just ask =3

Q-how long does it take? A: depends on how busy i am , might take 1-3 days or 1-3 weeks depends also where you are in line XD

any more questions just ask =3! notes or in journal ^.^!

(Warning before posting what you would like please read the bottom part of this journal)

(UPDATING EVERYDAY OR EVERY FEW HOURS!!!)
( read news and status updates on the bottom to know if there's delays or problems)

V.I.P List (these will be done before the free ones "VIP's" are the people who trade ,buy,or are friends or special!)

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1: Status- Est- Priority- Process- Personal update- Detail update-
(Reason for V.I.P - )

2 Status - Est- Priority- Process- Personal update- Detail update-
(Reason for V.I.P - )

3 Status - Est- Priority- Process- Personal update- Detail update-
(Reason for V.I.P -)

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@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ lots of free art @@@@@@@@@@@@@@

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MAXIMUM LIMIT IS 10

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(Priority levels means which will get done first on time)
1- status- EST- Priority level-
2- status- EST- Priority level-
3- status- EST- Priority level-

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Anything below is the waiting line but you can still apply and ill work on u after i finish these 3 =D

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4- Open Slot /// status- Awaiting Position @@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@ IS OPEN@@@@@
5- Open Slot /// status- Awaiting Position @@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@ IS OPEN@@@@@
6- Open Slot /// status- Awaiting Position @@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@ IS OPEN@@@@@
7- Open Slot /// status- Awaiting Position @@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@ IS OPEN@@@@@
8- Open Slot /// status- Awaiting Position @@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@ IS OPEN@@@@@
9- Open Slot /// status- Awaiting Position @@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@ IS OPEN@@@@@
10- Open Slot /// status- Awaiting Position @@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@ IS OPEN@@@@@

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This is NOT a Format line its picked by me in my own order, i go from 1 to 10 and start again after i finish with number 10 to go to back to one and the lesser numbers shall be filled up right after i get new commission requests and i will get to you as fast as i can =3

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(If you see @@@@ IS OPEN @@@@@@ IS OPEN @@@@ IS OPEN @@@@@ it means a slot is open DUH! XD)

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@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@-TOTAL SLOTS OPEN - 3 LEFT-@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

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(Trade's complete) (Trades Open!!! and will be done before the free commissions!)

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Recently finished art commissions/requests

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1- Finished
2- Finished
3- Finished
4- Finished
5- Finished

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Other commissions completed (all finished)

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- -

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( BigZ update General status- none

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(2ndary status- none)

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(news- none)

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Note-All pictures in the background (90 %) of them are mine taken by me in areas i've took my camera with me =3 and i also drew some of them myself *the other 10%) , none of them are a background from any website all of them are my own.

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PS: FREE Commissions aren't requests they are free for you , by request you can post them on your page as long as you credit me and link my page on the description's And put by BigZtehwuff at the end of the Name of the picture, Thank you

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WARNING SOME COMMISSIONS MAY BE DENIED! (due to overwhelming my schedule, Complexity, Ridiculousness, or any other reason i think is necessary not to do it . Sorry these are free and you guys aren't paying me anyway i have every right to accept or deny anyone i want to. Thank you for your understanding!)

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(WARNING 2- Some commissions that were accepted may be canceled or denied later , don't get upset they were free anyway and if you talk to me you might get more information on why and if i could reconsider, Depends on some situations these circumstances may vary!)

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(Public Notice-If i deny someone art its for a good reason. Please don't look at me like an asshole, because i have a life and i treat everyone with respect until they start treating me badly then my attitude changes toward that person. If your Denied free art im sorry *hugs* =( im not being an asshole its just i have alot of stuff going on as it is...and don't treat me like a bad person...please understand from my perspective that im doing alot of things already and im very busy not only that but i went though alot and still am going though alot of problems so have some respect please , "Treat others the same as you want to be treated" and ill treat you the way you treat me (im friendly for a head start already) thank you for understanding and have a great day =^.^= *hugs* )