I have only now noticed I completely forgot to post the latest chapter of Scales of Retribution here! Going to be fixing that alongside posting a new shameless piece of smut, and later on a small pile of commissions I needed to get around to posting~

First of all, I wanted to thank all watchers on here, new and old. Thank you :)

A long time ago, I stepped back from the furry community and stayed around the fringes due to a range of factors. Someone I knew called this being 'Furry-lite'; one whom appreciates aspects of the community without being in the midst of it. The aspect I never stopped appreciating in particular is how much of a nurturing hub it is for creative types, and how celebrated the process and results are. I still adore that, but I found my introversion clashed with the social culture and expectation of the furry community at large. Keeping up with endless lists of contacts and social events/gatherings was pretty damn overwhelming!

As I have aged (aged, wow, I'm only 27), I have learned to enjoy and relish in my introverted tendencies. I love how I prefer to have a small gathering where there can be flowing conversations spanning any topics, where unrestrained thoughts can just pour out. I love having the need for large slices of time by myself. I love knowing how to be alone together with anyone who understands. I love the insight and perspective it has given me. I love what it is has done for my writing.
Also yes, wanting dragon smut is a fundamental need, hence the commissions you may have seen crop up now and then through the years ;)

Anyway, that is pretty much why I am so infrequent around these parts, but this journal isn't just to explain why I will remain on the outskirts like some kind of smut scribe hiding out in a sketchy tavern at the edge of town. Alongside my novel (which is currently in its fifth and final rewrite), I've always wanted to contribute to the creativity of this community, and that desire has only grown and grown, especially as I continue to be inspired by having such close proximity to staggering skill and creativity. I did so an age ago with an unabashed pornorific short story, and now I want to with a story series I have been working on called 'Scales of Retribution', a dark fantasy in which we stand by Sarthinas, an anthropomorphic copper dragon, who not only has to fight against the acts of silent war by a twisted, tenacious enemy, The Pierced, but his King as well.

I can't promise any concrete schedule for uploads, but I estimate I can have a chapter up every two to three weeks. There are a good number of unrelated, as-of-yet unfinished porn riddled short stories I will probably get out there too!

The first chapter of 'Scales of Retribution' will be going up within the next few hours! Any views, favourites, comments, criticisms will be enormously appreciated. Most of all, I want you to be absorbed into this world and not want to leave.

For the last few months, I've been very erratically on and offline. It's been very difficult for me to maintain any kind of constant presence in the online world, and I'd like to apologize for that to anybody who has been disappointed or upset by that. I've been using PMs on here as the primary way of keeping contact, but even that is hard to keep up with sometimes! I've been trying to arrange some kind of pattern between sleeping, working/writing, having precious time with my mate, seeing friends offline and being online. I think I must be in that stage that happens sometimes, when you simply realize it isn't possible to be able to maintain it all. I want to apologize for that, because without a doubt the online world has taken a major back seat, but that doesn't mean my friends and who I care about online have. I'll still be trying to get my big butt online when I can, I've said that multiple times, but it is because I am really trying.

The past month, May of this year, was astounding. I flew to Edmonton, Alberta, Canada on the 2nd of May to be with my mate, Shad. Since touching down on Canadian soil on that day, my happiness grew and grew, so did my comfort and safety. He took absolutely incredible care of me, treated me like a king and battered away any fragment of doubt or worry I had. As a writer, I'm meant to be able to define and word any sensation, experience or event, but this profound love and appreciation for him and everything he did and continues to do is far beyond me being able to describe properly. One day, I might have the ability to do that, but until that day, I'm stuck with saying it in the plainest but honest way I know, by looking into his eyes and saying 'thank you' and 'I love you'.
I'd adore to be able to write a day by day event log of sorts, but you'd be looking at a novella, and I think the best place for them is in the shared memory of me and Shad. Needless to say, I'm deeply missing him and Canada. It's only temporary though, that is so exciting to say; it's only a temporary absence. I can't wait to be back with him and that land of jutting mountains, friendly locals and atmosphere, welcoming openness, Tim Horton's and lower priced Magic cards.

If you wish to note me, please go ahead, as I said, it's my main way of communicating for now, but forgive me ahead of time if I do take my time getting back to you. As you can imagine, getting back into a normal routine is hard as hell, especially when I've been spoiled, but not rotten, but completely sweet.

Thank you my Shad, for more than I could ever say.

I feel strange for writing the kinds of words I have been about Athus. I barely knew him, and even more so I wouldn't want any of his loved ones to feel like I was encroaching with what I am saying.

Truthfully, I'm doing nothing more than trying to express this astonishing impression he left by doing nothing more than being himself, an impression that over years, inspired me and guided me. I respected him, so deeply, because he shared a belief with myself and many others, but in no point in time did he ever lose the conviction in that. I'm guilty of losing my own conviction, going so far as to belittle my own belief in who and what I was, but every time I heard about him, or felt the warmth from the connections he shared with his loved ones, it spurred me to never forget and take pride in my own spirit and in the love I do share.
It's bizarre, for me to be able to say that, without really ever knowing him. It just goes to show how warmly and widely embracing his influence is and will continue to be.

As an author, outside of the dragonic and furry community, I write crime novels. Being able to dive into the minds and depths of the worst monsters of the world and in human kind, over time emotionally crystallizes you. To be able to express and portray such things means you have to be exposed to them, a lot. I have been, I've seen thousands of crime scene photos, heard tales of the most disgusting acts that possess warped minds, and listened to devastating stories of the victims, yet over time, the crime scenes become just photos, the tales just another angle of a twisted conditioning of the mind and words from the Inspector's mouth. The stories hit softer, even when you're sitting face to face with the victim's family. I hated it.

I expose myself to these things by choice. and I never knew it would make me desensitized to it. I am not trying to give any kind of light to those gross acts, but I focus on trying to show the complicated and intricate way the mind works, and how even though there are monsters out there, there is something unquantifiable and beautiful in the spirit, be it dragon, human or otherwise. I dream to be able to express that in the best way I can, and share with as many as I can that there is such beauty, and the best way to do that is to bring as much darkness as possible, because it makes that light much, much easier to see.

Athus and his passing have allowed me to feel a very real, very mammoth sensation of my crystallized experiences with death. Instead of being able to see mortality and death as just a fact of life, I've gotten back the frozen and tucked away emotions I had to shield when I exposed myself to what I did. So not only did he manage to touch me and allow me to feel pride in my spirituality and belief, or inspire me to seek that family and love I so needed, but he has thawed that in me.

At this point, I don't know if I'll keep writing crime novels. I never want to feel indifferent to those emotions again. I think though, that is how Athus will live on within me, by keeping that there, as well as the constant inspiration.

To his loved ones, especially those closest to him, his beloved family, I cannot begin to express how sorry I am for your loss.

It is absolutely incredible though, how his memory and being is never going to stop shimmering in his loved ones.

That is the essence of what I am trying to show in my writing. That shimmering in the spirit, and I think I have finally found where it illuminates the brightest. In the sea of a soul like his.

I'm in the middle of writing a new short story which I think is going to touch on a scenario rarely touched on by written work. At least I hope so. Now, it seems to be that written work isn't payed as much attention to as drawn art, which is understandable in a lot of ways, disappointing, but understandable, so I'm not even sure if people would be interested in seeing my own written stuff (which is actually the reason I haven't posted any of my own stuff for a very long time).

Though despite that, I did want some varied opinions on something, if possible! Basically, I want to know if you find happy endings in a story more appealing than sad/not-quite-so-happy endings? Myself personally, I feel as long as the story has closure and wraps everything up nicely then I'm pretty content either way, but then again if I grow to like and attached to characters and they are ended up being killed off, that won't make me happy. I don't know really, I just wanted random thoughts!