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Being ingnored
Posted 18 years agoI posted this journal on dA a while ago, but I thought I should post it here too and wait what I get in response. (I need hugs *cry*) Sorry, bein' a bit depressed lately.
I’m a little sad right now. Most of you know that I never have much money, I often say it. I don’t know if you can imagine how little money we have, but I’m not really in the mood to describe it. But there is one thing that bugs me. Every time I talk to some friends and mention how little money I have they pretend they didn’t understand it. Ok people, I am poor. Deal with it. Along with “I had a bad childhood”. Because it’s true. I know here are people who suffered worse things, who had a worse childhood. I know that. And I respect it and try to help if I can. But I hate it that people pretend that I am invisible when I talk about my stupid life. I never wanted something from you. I hardly talk about really personal things, or about anything. I never bug you with anything. When I ask for money, I either ask if anyone would donate something, or if anyone would take a commission. I never forced anyone to do something. I managed it to stay alive this long, so I will manage it a few more years. And if I will die due to pneumonia or some retarded drunken asshole who would stab me in the morning while I work, you will never notice it. I would just never ever log in at dA again. So don’t ignore me, if you really wanna be my friend just because I am poor. And on a side note, the German healthcare sucks, BADLY.
-Rant over
Chrismaswishlist: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/256041/
I’m a little sad right now. Most of you know that I never have much money, I often say it. I don’t know if you can imagine how little money we have, but I’m not really in the mood to describe it. But there is one thing that bugs me. Every time I talk to some friends and mention how little money I have they pretend they didn’t understand it. Ok people, I am poor. Deal with it. Along with “I had a bad childhood”. Because it’s true. I know here are people who suffered worse things, who had a worse childhood. I know that. And I respect it and try to help if I can. But I hate it that people pretend that I am invisible when I talk about my stupid life. I never wanted something from you. I hardly talk about really personal things, or about anything. I never bug you with anything. When I ask for money, I either ask if anyone would donate something, or if anyone would take a commission. I never forced anyone to do something. I managed it to stay alive this long, so I will manage it a few more years. And if I will die due to pneumonia or some retarded drunken asshole who would stab me in the morning while I work, you will never notice it. I would just never ever log in at dA again. So don’t ignore me, if you really wanna be my friend just because I am poor. And on a side note, the German healthcare sucks, BADLY.
-Rant over
Chrismaswishlist: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/256041/
Christmas wishlist
Posted 18 years agoHere we go, because I'm a little sweetheart X3:
STEP ONE
Make a post (public, friends-locked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your DA journal. The post should contain your list of ten holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a ______ icon that's just for me" ) to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD" ) to really big ("all I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV." ). The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.
Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your DA or link to this post so that the holiday joy will spread.
STEP TWO
Surf around your friends list (or friends' friends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now, here's the important part:
If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use -- do it.
You need not spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf -- to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not -- it's your call.
There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Give, and you might receive. and you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.
1. A cake, or some cookies. Or sweets I won' t get here in Germany. Yeah, sounds weird, but when you've lived for five month only from little money, you won't have the oppertunity to buy some candy. And that's why I want candy.
2. A new icon, because my one sucks.
3. Help with my fursona. I am still not happy with his design, and I still hate him. Gawd I hate Yed but I will never get rid of him.
4. All Resident evil games available for GameCube. No matter if they are used or new and no matter if they are PAL or NTSC (because I have a freeloade, yeah XD) But I mostly want them from every other country besides Germany, because the German vesions suck.
5: A cap for Dayli, because she always has trouble with her ears when it's cold, and it's damn cold in this house. Only 9° C (yeah, that's true and the heater is to expensive to switch on.)
6. A huge and tasty bone for Spike. She loves bones either from pigs or cow or even lamb. And some dogchocolate. She loves it, but it's not easy to get here.
7. A new tablet. No matter if it's a used one or smaller than my curent Aiptek, as long it's better than my tablet now, because it sucks.
8. Getting all coms done until Christmas.
9. Being able to take my holiday in January.
10. Improving my art. Especially traditional art.
11. I wish that everyone, no matter how little money they have, has a great christmas. I at least try my best to make my family happy.
12. A sniper rifle. Don't ask. >.>
13. A hunting knife, because working in the morning in the darkness outside alone on weekend cann be dangerous. *thinks about this morning* Yeah it can, especially on WE.
14. A third blanket, because it's so cold in my room.
15. Getting my highschool diploma in two years. I still have trouble with learning due to my bad health. (still coulnd't go to see a doctor.)
I guess that's it. Now I think I should try and make some wishes come true by myself. Like learning a bit or drawing.
Just in case, my email address: akari_ses[at]yahoo.de
Und das ganze nochmal auf Deutsch:
(ich schreib die Regeln aber nicht noch mal auf deutsch hin, nur soviel, ihr könnt auch eine Wunschliste machen, mit Sachen die erfühlbar sind, oder auch Dinge die ihr euch schon immer gewünscht habt, aber die keiner erfüllen kann. Danach surfed ihr durch eure Freundesliste und schaut wer auch eine Wunschliste hat und versucht andere Wünsche zu erfüllen, vlt erfüllt dann auch irgendwer eure.)
1. Kuchen. Oder Kekse, oder irgendwas Süßes, das man nicht oder nur schwer hier in DE bekommen kann. Wenn man monatelang kaum Geld hat kann man sich nix Süßes leisten,d eswegen will ich was Süßes.
2. Einen neuen Avatar, meiner ist doof.
3. Hilfe mit dem Design von meiner Fursona. Ich bin noch immer nicht zufrieden mit ihm. Und ich hasse ihn, komm aber nicht los von ihm.
4. Alle "Resident evil" Games die es für den GameCube gibt, egal ob neu oder gebraucht, oder PAL oder NTSC, ich hab nen Freeloader also ist das egal. Am liebsten aus jedem anderen Land, außer DE, weil die deutschen Versionen sch*** sind.
5. Eine Mütze für Dayli. Sie hat bei diesem Wetter immer Probleme mit den Ohren und es ist verdammt kalt in diesem Haus (nur 9° C) und die Heizung anmachen ist zu teuer.
6. Einen leckeren, großen Knochen für Spike. Sie liebt Knochen, entweder vom Schwein oder vom Rind, Lamm ist auch gut. Und Hundeschokolade. Die ist hier schwer zu bekommen.
7. Ein neues Tablet. Meins geht langsam kaputt. Egal ob neu, gebraucht oder kleiner als meins, so lange es besser ist als mein billiges Aiptek.
8. Alle Commissions bis Weihnachten fertig zubekommen.
9. Dass ich meinen Urlaub anfang Januar durchbekomme.
10. Mein Maltechnik zu verbessern. Vorallem im traditionellen bereich.
11. Ich wünsche das jeder, egal wie wenig Geld er hat, ein schönes Weihnachten hat. Ich für meinen teil versuche meine kleine Familie so Glücklich wie möglich zu machen.
12. Ein Sniper Gewehr. Fragt nicht. >.>
13. EIn Jagdmesser. Es kann gefährlich werden morgens im Dunkeln, alleine draußen arbeiten zu müssen, vorallem am Wochenende. *an heute morgen denk*
14. Eine dritte Decke, weil es so kalt in meinem Zimmer ist.
15. Mein Abi in zwei Jahren zu bekommen. hab immer noch Probleme mit dem Lernen wegen meiner angeschlagenen Gesundheit (konnte noch immer nicht zum Arzt)
Nur für den Fall, meine Email addy: akari_ses[at]yahoo.de
STEP ONE
Make a post (public, friends-locked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your DA journal. The post should contain your list of ten holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a ______ icon that's just for me" ) to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD" ) to really big ("all I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV." ). The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.
Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your DA or link to this post so that the holiday joy will spread.
STEP TWO
Surf around your friends list (or friends' friends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now, here's the important part:
If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use -- do it.
You need not spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf -- to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not -- it's your call.
There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Give, and you might receive. and you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.
1. A cake, or some cookies. Or sweets I won' t get here in Germany. Yeah, sounds weird, but when you've lived for five month only from little money, you won't have the oppertunity to buy some candy. And that's why I want candy.
2. A new icon, because my one sucks.
3. Help with my fursona. I am still not happy with his design, and I still hate him. Gawd I hate Yed but I will never get rid of him.
4. All Resident evil games available for GameCube. No matter if they are used or new and no matter if they are PAL or NTSC (because I have a freeloade, yeah XD) But I mostly want them from every other country besides Germany, because the German vesions suck.
5: A cap for Dayli, because she always has trouble with her ears when it's cold, and it's damn cold in this house. Only 9° C (yeah, that's true and the heater is to expensive to switch on.)
6. A huge and tasty bone for Spike. She loves bones either from pigs or cow or even lamb. And some dogchocolate. She loves it, but it's not easy to get here.
7. A new tablet. No matter if it's a used one or smaller than my curent Aiptek, as long it's better than my tablet now, because it sucks.
8. Getting all coms done until Christmas.
9. Being able to take my holiday in January.
10. Improving my art. Especially traditional art.
11. I wish that everyone, no matter how little money they have, has a great christmas. I at least try my best to make my family happy.
12. A sniper rifle. Don't ask. >.>
13. A hunting knife, because working in the morning in the darkness outside alone on weekend cann be dangerous. *thinks about this morning* Yeah it can, especially on WE.
14. A third blanket, because it's so cold in my room.
15. Getting my highschool diploma in two years. I still have trouble with learning due to my bad health. (still coulnd't go to see a doctor.)
I guess that's it. Now I think I should try and make some wishes come true by myself. Like learning a bit or drawing.
Just in case, my email address: akari_ses[at]yahoo.de
Und das ganze nochmal auf Deutsch:
(ich schreib die Regeln aber nicht noch mal auf deutsch hin, nur soviel, ihr könnt auch eine Wunschliste machen, mit Sachen die erfühlbar sind, oder auch Dinge die ihr euch schon immer gewünscht habt, aber die keiner erfüllen kann. Danach surfed ihr durch eure Freundesliste und schaut wer auch eine Wunschliste hat und versucht andere Wünsche zu erfüllen, vlt erfüllt dann auch irgendwer eure.)
1. Kuchen. Oder Kekse, oder irgendwas Süßes, das man nicht oder nur schwer hier in DE bekommen kann. Wenn man monatelang kaum Geld hat kann man sich nix Süßes leisten,d eswegen will ich was Süßes.
2. Einen neuen Avatar, meiner ist doof.
3. Hilfe mit dem Design von meiner Fursona. Ich bin noch immer nicht zufrieden mit ihm. Und ich hasse ihn, komm aber nicht los von ihm.
4. Alle "Resident evil" Games die es für den GameCube gibt, egal ob neu oder gebraucht, oder PAL oder NTSC, ich hab nen Freeloader also ist das egal. Am liebsten aus jedem anderen Land, außer DE, weil die deutschen Versionen sch*** sind.
5. Eine Mütze für Dayli. Sie hat bei diesem Wetter immer Probleme mit den Ohren und es ist verdammt kalt in diesem Haus (nur 9° C) und die Heizung anmachen ist zu teuer.
6. Einen leckeren, großen Knochen für Spike. Sie liebt Knochen, entweder vom Schwein oder vom Rind, Lamm ist auch gut. Und Hundeschokolade. Die ist hier schwer zu bekommen.
7. Ein neues Tablet. Meins geht langsam kaputt. Egal ob neu, gebraucht oder kleiner als meins, so lange es besser ist als mein billiges Aiptek.
8. Alle Commissions bis Weihnachten fertig zubekommen.
9. Dass ich meinen Urlaub anfang Januar durchbekomme.
10. Mein Maltechnik zu verbessern. Vorallem im traditionellen bereich.
11. Ich wünsche das jeder, egal wie wenig Geld er hat, ein schönes Weihnachten hat. Ich für meinen teil versuche meine kleine Familie so Glücklich wie möglich zu machen.
12. Ein Sniper Gewehr. Fragt nicht. >.>
13. EIn Jagdmesser. Es kann gefährlich werden morgens im Dunkeln, alleine draußen arbeiten zu müssen, vorallem am Wochenende. *an heute morgen denk*
14. Eine dritte Decke, weil es so kalt in meinem Zimmer ist.
15. Mein Abi in zwei Jahren zu bekommen. hab immer noch Probleme mit dem Lernen wegen meiner angeschlagenen Gesundheit (konnte noch immer nicht zum Arzt)
Nur für den Fall, meine Email addy: akari_ses[at]yahoo.de
Guess my gender!! And in terrrible need of a new icon
Posted 18 years agoYeah, too much tea with too much sugar and I have weird idea.
Since I hardly tell anyone if I am male or female and I always curious what people think of me, I decided to make a little game. I often do it myself, I try to guess the gender of an artist just by looking at their pics and reading their descriptions. Do it by me and guess my gender. But everyone who already knows it, please don't tell. At the end I will amybe say if you are right or wrong. XD
Second: I need a new icon. My one is boring. Something with Yedaji, Yed's herm form, or Leo in it, but I cannot get myself to do one for me. Is anyone willing to make me one? For free? As a request? *puppyeyes*
Since I hardly tell anyone if I am male or female and I always curious what people think of me, I decided to make a little game. I often do it myself, I try to guess the gender of an artist just by looking at their pics and reading their descriptions. Do it by me and guess my gender. But everyone who already knows it, please don't tell. At the end I will amybe say if you are right or wrong. XD
Second: I need a new icon. My one is boring. Something with Yedaji, Yed's herm form, or Leo in it, but I cannot get myself to do one for me. Is anyone willing to make me one? For free? As a request? *puppyeyes*
7 deadly sins
Posted 18 years agoStole it from 
WStiger cause I'm a bastard.
THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS
ANGER
1. With whom did you last get angry?: Spike.
2. What is your weapon of choice?: Growling and hitting my fist against something.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?: When I am angry, sure.
4. How about of the same sex?: Again, sure.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?: Spike
6. What is your pet peeve?: annoying kids.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?: I keep them, until I can scream out loud or slam my fist against something.
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?: Learning
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?: 9 pm
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: Ginger
4. What is the last lame excuse you made?: I won't do it, because I say so.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones)?: Sometimes, but not in the last few month.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?: The last time I actually could walk without being out of breath within a minute.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?: I never use it.
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?: Don't have one
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?: dark
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?: 8 shots of Tequilla, and I rarely drink. Only two times in my whole life and I didn't even get really drunk.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?: Something like that existst? o.O
5. Do you have an issue with your weight?: Not really with my weight, but with my lack of muscles.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?: First sweets than something salty.
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, LUNCH?: Oh yeah.
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?: Too many to even dare to think abaout (urgh)
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?: Not even in primary school anyone saw me naked.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?: *blushes* Yes.
4. Have you done it?: -.-
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?: Depends on my mood. Hands or arms, sometimes eyes or the back.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?: Nah.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?: Never
GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own?: None
2. What's your guilty pleasure store?: /
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?: Buy a house with a huge garden for my family, the rest goes to bank.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous?: rich
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?: depends on many things. Maybe.
6. Have you ever stolen anything?: Not really.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?: Dunno, 300 or less.
PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of?: I guess improving so fast with my art. And being able to talk and understand at least two different languages (a third will follow soon)
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?: I think my mom is proud of my art and that I still haven't given up on life.
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life?: Move to another country with my small family.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?: Sometimes
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?: I think one time.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?: Yes.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of?: learnt mots of the night befor I went to work.
ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?: Certain tablets, consoles and games.
2. Who would you want to go on Trading Spaces with?: Trading Spaces? o.O
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?: Most other people as long as I am not myself.
4. Have you ever been cheated on?: I don't even have a friend or other close friends.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?: Oh yeah.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?: Being able to run a longer distance without hurting myself.
7. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin?: Anger is my favorite, because it's for me, with the inability to have more than two different emotions, the strongest emotion.
WStiger cause I'm a bastard.THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS
ANGER
1. With whom did you last get angry?: Spike.
2. What is your weapon of choice?: Growling and hitting my fist against something.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?: When I am angry, sure.
4. How about of the same sex?: Again, sure.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?: Spike
6. What is your pet peeve?: annoying kids.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?: I keep them, until I can scream out loud or slam my fist against something.
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?: Learning
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?: 9 pm
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: Ginger
4. What is the last lame excuse you made?: I won't do it, because I say so.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones)?: Sometimes, but not in the last few month.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?: The last time I actually could walk without being out of breath within a minute.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?: I never use it.
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?: Don't have one
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?: dark
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?: 8 shots of Tequilla, and I rarely drink. Only two times in my whole life and I didn't even get really drunk.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?: Something like that existst? o.O
5. Do you have an issue with your weight?: Not really with my weight, but with my lack of muscles.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?: First sweets than something salty.
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, LUNCH?: Oh yeah.
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?: Too many to even dare to think abaout (urgh)
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?: Not even in primary school anyone saw me naked.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?: *blushes* Yes.
4. Have you done it?: -.-
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?: Depends on my mood. Hands or arms, sometimes eyes or the back.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?: Nah.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?: Never
GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own?: None
2. What's your guilty pleasure store?: /
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?: Buy a house with a huge garden for my family, the rest goes to bank.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous?: rich
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?: depends on many things. Maybe.
6. Have you ever stolen anything?: Not really.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?: Dunno, 300 or less.
PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of?: I guess improving so fast with my art. And being able to talk and understand at least two different languages (a third will follow soon)
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?: I think my mom is proud of my art and that I still haven't given up on life.
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life?: Move to another country with my small family.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?: Sometimes
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?: I think one time.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?: Yes.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of?: learnt mots of the night befor I went to work.
ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?: Certain tablets, consoles and games.
2. Who would you want to go on Trading Spaces with?: Trading Spaces? o.O
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?: Most other people as long as I am not myself.
4. Have you ever been cheated on?: I don't even have a friend or other close friends.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?: Oh yeah.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?: Being able to run a longer distance without hurting myself.
7. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin?: Anger is my favorite, because it's for me, with the inability to have more than two different emotions, the strongest emotion.
Oh, would you look at that? Giftart
Posted 18 years agoOh yeah, I finally got some giftart of Yedaji. I hardly get any. I'm such a poor one *sighs*
A well, here are the nice people I either traded with or did just a random gift (they are not many I know. ^^):
ruaidri did this lovely graphite pic of Yed: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/898105/ and I also was in one of his awesome pictures for the "Luckiest fox in the world series": http://www.furaffinity.net/full/855227/ (look at me, isn't me a cute oneXD)
And the newest pic of Yed done by the sweet
lunar-epitaph http://www.furaffinity.net/full/912277/
Did I forget anyone? I don't know. My head is so empty now.
Btw: I will soon submit a charsheet of Yedaji. And I am still not satisfied with his design. I will change it again sometime, I will adjust it to my drawing style. But at the moment it will stay this way I think.
A well, here are the nice people I either traded with or did just a random gift (they are not many I know. ^^):
ruaidri did this lovely graphite pic of Yed: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/898105/ and I also was in one of his awesome pictures for the "Luckiest fox in the world series": http://www.furaffinity.net/full/855227/ (look at me, isn't me a cute oneXD)And the newest pic of Yed done by the sweet
lunar-epitaph http://www.furaffinity.net/full/912277/Did I forget anyone? I don't know. My head is so empty now.
Btw: I will soon submit a charsheet of Yedaji. And I am still not satisfied with his design. I will change it again sometime, I will adjust it to my drawing style. But at the moment it will stay this way I think.
OMG!!! PORN!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!!!
Posted 18 years agoOMG!! Yeah, my head is full of it and I cannot get rid of 'em. It's everywhere.
Sorry had to say it. Well after doing the two ics to support ruaidri's attempt to correct the imbalance of female solo orgasm pictures I guess I should finally draw something serious again. I will work on some coms, I think one I will finish tommorrow or the day after tommorrow. The commissioner will be glad 'cause it took me so long to finish it.
And I will work on some smaller thing like ref sheets and stuff.
Hmm, besides ref sheets. I need a new one for Yed but I cannot get a nice pic done for a ref. Well, that sucks. *grumble* Can anyone help me with that? *puppyeyes*
Ah, and I have a new addiction, drawing clothing and cum. XD
Sorry had to say it. Well after doing the two ics to support
ruaidri's attempt to correct the imbalance of female solo orgasm pictures I guess I should finally draw something serious again. I will work on some coms, I think one I will finish tommorrow or the day after tommorrow. The commissioner will be glad 'cause it took me so long to finish it. And I will work on some smaller thing like ref sheets and stuff.
Hmm, besides ref sheets. I need a new one for Yed but I cannot get a nice pic done for a ref. Well, that sucks. *grumble* Can anyone help me with that? *puppyeyes*
Ah, and I have a new addiction, drawing clothing and cum. XD
One serious question, please read!!!
Posted 18 years agoThis one question is mostly for furs here that draw but also for all of you who have an own fursona.
Did anyone of you (either through your art or just because they wanted to) tell your parents about anthropomorphic/furry art and your fursona?
Yeah, why do I ask this? Because I had another rather funny discussion with my mom about Yedaji. Since I began to draw my mom was always interested in what I draw. After the first meeting of the Lycanthropia pack I kept in touch (and still keep in touch) with some of the pack. So one day two of them visited us (they helped my sis as she had to move) and while talking to my mom they called me with my Nickname (Ses) instead of my realname. Yeah, they didn't know my realname. But it was fun. And that was the first time my mom heard my nickname.
Than after creating my own fursona I showed my mom some pics. She asked for it. And she asked what kind of "thing" that's on one of the pictures (it was a pic with Yedaji). I told her that's my character. She asked me what that means "character" (telling her Yedaji is my "fursona" doens't make much sense in german ^^) Now I had the task to eplain to her what a "character" is without sounding like being shizophrenic. XD
The whole thing was rather funny and kinda strange. She still doesn't know everything about what I draw *points to FA gallery* But oh well.
My mom is although she is already older rather open-minded. I heard from other furs that thy had problems with their parents when they told them they had a fursona and stuff. I guess I can be glad for that, so I have at least someone to talk here.
Did anyone of you (either through your art or just because they wanted to) tell your parents about anthropomorphic/furry art and your fursona?
Yeah, why do I ask this? Because I had another rather funny discussion with my mom about Yedaji. Since I began to draw my mom was always interested in what I draw. After the first meeting of the Lycanthropia pack I kept in touch (and still keep in touch) with some of the pack. So one day two of them visited us (they helped my sis as she had to move) and while talking to my mom they called me with my Nickname (Ses) instead of my realname. Yeah, they didn't know my realname. But it was fun. And that was the first time my mom heard my nickname.
Than after creating my own fursona I showed my mom some pics. She asked for it. And she asked what kind of "thing" that's on one of the pictures (it was a pic with Yedaji). I told her that's my character. She asked me what that means "character" (telling her Yedaji is my "fursona" doens't make much sense in german ^^) Now I had the task to eplain to her what a "character" is without sounding like being shizophrenic. XD
The whole thing was rather funny and kinda strange. She still doesn't know everything about what I draw *points to FA gallery* But oh well.
My mom is although she is already older rather open-minded. I heard from other furs that thy had problems with their parents when they told them they had a fursona and stuff. I guess I can be glad for that, so I have at least someone to talk here.
Things about me/Yedaji (kinda faq)
Posted 18 years agoHmm, since so many people mentioned it on some of my pictures and I easily get annoyed but it because it always sounds a bit like bad critique (I it is not really bad critique, but I'm getting easily pissed of because I mentioned it myself already a few times) I thought I should write a short journal about me and my fursona.
Ok, Furaffinity is not my only onlinegallery, you can find me also on dA http://icekrystal.deviantart.com/ and Sheezyart http://www.sheezyart.com/. My deviantArt gallery was my first gallery and my most updated one. I maybe get rif of my SA gallery soon, but I will keep this gallery because I post my adultart stuff here.
On with the fursona stuff:
People from dA know one of my first and most beloved fursonas. Nwalme en lor. This account is also named after her. The first she ever appeared in was this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/36546/ but she can also appear in other forms, like this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/365078/ or this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/79063/. My favorite form is her Guardian of the night form: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/275076/ (creepy, isn't it?^^). I hardly draw her but I plain love her and she is still my fursona. I never get rid of her.
But since September 2006 I finally have a primary fursona: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/366342/
A Podenco ibicenco/Blackwolf hybrid (or something like that). His name is Yedaji. He changed trough the last months and got a slightly new look. I also thought for a while he's not what I wanted to be, but I cannot get rid of him. He's more like me than I want it. An intuitionally made character. I also have other characters that represent different moods from me. Rage: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/459489/ or determination: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/540086/.
And know to the most important point of this journal, about me and Yedaji.
Yedaji is a boy, 21 years old and straight, also I often draw him with boys (ok, one particular boy the most times) but he only likes feminine looking boys *point to Ru*. He's rather shy and unexperienced too. And *most important point* he looks like a girl. He's slender, cute, naive and has a few nice curves like woman do have too, but is still a cute boy. HE ALWAYS LOOKS GIRLY; DON'T MENTION IT AGAIN LIKE IT'S A MISTAKE. I draw him like that because he looks like that. Slender, feminine, with long legs and small toes and really long claws.
[END]
Ok, Furaffinity is not my only onlinegallery, you can find me also on dA http://icekrystal.deviantart.com/ and Sheezyart http://www.sheezyart.com/. My deviantArt gallery was my first gallery and my most updated one. I maybe get rif of my SA gallery soon, but I will keep this gallery because I post my adultart stuff here.
On with the fursona stuff:
People from dA know one of my first and most beloved fursonas. Nwalme en lor. This account is also named after her. The first she ever appeared in was this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/36546/ but she can also appear in other forms, like this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/365078/ or this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/79063/. My favorite form is her Guardian of the night form: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/275076/ (creepy, isn't it?^^). I hardly draw her but I plain love her and she is still my fursona. I never get rid of her.
But since September 2006 I finally have a primary fursona: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/366342/
A Podenco ibicenco/Blackwolf hybrid (or something like that). His name is Yedaji. He changed trough the last months and got a slightly new look. I also thought for a while he's not what I wanted to be, but I cannot get rid of him. He's more like me than I want it. An intuitionally made character. I also have other characters that represent different moods from me. Rage: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/459489/ or determination: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/540086/.
And know to the most important point of this journal, about me and Yedaji.
Yedaji is a boy, 21 years old and straight, also I often draw him with boys (ok, one particular boy the most times) but he only likes feminine looking boys *point to Ru*. He's rather shy and unexperienced too. And *most important point* he looks like a girl. He's slender, cute, naive and has a few nice curves like woman do have too, but is still a cute boy. HE ALWAYS LOOKS GIRLY; DON'T MENTION IT AGAIN LIKE IT'S A MISTAKE. I draw him like that because he looks like that. Slender, feminine, with long legs and small toes and really long claws.
[END]
3 questions
Posted 18 years agoOk, saw this in ruaidri's journal and since I need an excuse to stop working on coms and learning I thought it's a nice idea. So, you can ask me three questions not matter how private they are. BUT, I did a little change in the rules. I can choose if I wanna answer a question or not. But I think I will answer at least all the really private and dirty ones. ^^ (I know you want it).
ruaidri's journal and since I need an excuse to stop working on coms and learning I thought it's a nice idea. So, you can ask me three questions not matter how private they are. BUT, I did a little change in the rules. I can choose if I wanna answer a question or not. But I think I will answer at least all the really private and dirty ones. ^^ (I know you want it). Skype anyone? (englsih and german)
Posted 18 years agoENGLISH: Yepp, today I got a headset (only a really cheap one) and I downloaded Skype. I hope I get a better headset in a few weeks (already have one who will sell it to me). But since than I can already talk to some people. If you have Skype and want to talk to me, leave me a note and I'll send you my Skypename. But be aware, my english sucks. And talking english is much more difficult for me than writing it (btw, I finally got my cool English grammar book back). But you can try it if you want.
GERMAN:
Ja, hab heute ein Headset bekommen (ein ganz billiges) und hab mir gleich Skype gedownloaded. I hoffe das ich in ein paar Wochen ein besseres bekomme (hab schon jemanden der mir eins verkauft). Aber bis dahin kann ich schonmal mit ein paar Leuten reden. Wenn jemand von euch Skype hat und mit mir reden möchte, schreibt mir und ich werd euch meinen Skypenamen sagen.
GERMAN:
Ja, hab heute ein Headset bekommen (ein ganz billiges) und hab mir gleich Skype gedownloaded. I hoffe das ich in ein paar Wochen ein besseres bekomme (hab schon jemanden der mir eins verkauft). Aber bis dahin kann ich schonmal mit ein paar Leuten reden. Wenn jemand von euch Skype hat und mit mir reden möchte, schreibt mir und ich werd euch meinen Skypenamen sagen.
F****ed up
Posted 18 years agoOk, bad news. I got a call 20 minutes ago and I won't get the job. *sigh* I still have the chance to get another one I applied for. That's for the same kind of job (in a casino or how it's called in english) but this casino won't open before november I'm afraid. And I'm totally out of money. Only 30 € left for food after we payed all the bills. I mean, come on, we only have the f***ing beginning of this month. I hardly can pay for my distance learning. And the worst is that the dog of my mother has serious probs with her ears. I don't even can take her to the vet. That f***ing sucks. And I just cannot find another job I can take right now.
Would anyone of you buy a traditional commission from me?
Would anyone of you buy a traditional commission from me?
Massive art update
Posted 18 years agoBecause of stress I couldn't find the time to update all my galleries. I'll make it now, so prepare for a massive update in my gallery.
Back from whatever...
Posted 18 years agoI'm back or whatever. I had so many problems in my life (people who watch me on dA may know what I'm talking about) that I totally forgot about my other galleries. I try to update my sheezyart and furaffinity. So be aware of a massive upload of art and projects^^. Yeah, projects. I'm working on a short graphic novel and I make a comic in collaboration with Aik on dA. I will submit my part of the comic here as well and link to her parts if wanted.
So far...
So far...
Happy birthday to me... and tablet probs
Posted 18 years agoToday's mah birthday. Stupid day. My tablet is a bitch. The pen makes what it wants and I have neither money to fix it nor money to buy a new one. I would nearly do everything if I can buy a new one, even a used one. I'm afraid I'm not able to work on pics for a few days. I wanna buy a new pen for my tablet and I hope that will solve the main problem and give me more time until I need a new whole new tablet. But I still would do everything to figure out what's wrong with it. Can anyone help me?
Two days left, and updates on Coms and trades!
Posted 18 years agoOnly two days left till I turn one year older. Gosh, I feel so old. I’m so pathetic. *sigh*
Yesterday I found out that my second job, the job they said I get 400 € and in the end I found out I only get 135 € (but that’s not the point) is just seasonal. Ok, not really seasonal. I mean it’s only for one year. So, why couldn’t they say it when I begun the job. Now I’m really pissed off.
One other thing. I NEVER mentioned that I do trades, and today I got a note from someone I hardly know (ok, what means hardly know, just someone, who’s not on my watchlist for about 6 month) who wants doing a trade with me. (no, I’m not upset about it, I just recognized it) and so many people are watching me. Everyday I have more deviantwatch notices in my message center. And so many people fav my stuff. Did I overlook something? When did I become popular? I don’t say I’m sad about it *feels honoured and loved* but I’m still not used to it. So many people asking me something, commenting on stuff, are faving stuff, commission me (ui, so many coms *hits forehead with paw*). I just don’t feel I deserve it. Many times I could have done a better job on my pics. MANY times!
Ok, I must admit it’s really encouraging when so many people like what I do. It means I improve. But it also means that I’m not every time on the right way, on MY way. But that’s ok at the moment. I hope.
I thought I should make a list again with commissions and trades and some useful stiff, since I’m atm an dA and the internet more active.
Commissions (closed, waiting list is open):
TeR: still not done, sorry Ter.received payment. Working on the bg for the sec, will post a few links with progress in a few days.
Freezy: done
Panther: second com, received payment, finished: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/607437/
Bengges: payment not received, still working on.
Gaelic sprite: payment received, sketching.
Waiting list:
danceswithhorses: when she still wants
Ta-ka
Yukon
FoxMcCloud
Commission information: http://icekrystal.deviantart.com/journal/12361408/ (scroll down to see the list, I will update it in a few days)
Arttrades (closed for the moment):
shadowkiro
alcira
annasko
These are the newest trades. If I forgot someone (and I can bet I forgot someone) please leave a comment and I’ll add you.
Personal projects:
New reference sheet for Yedaji: sketching
Reference sheet for my nameless char: sketching, coloring
Reference sheet for Aik: sketching and coloring
References for my personal project: slow progress, sketching
Replying on comments: slow, really slow.
I bet I forgot something, I’ll update it later.
Enough from me, I’m stressed.
Yesterday I found out that my second job, the job they said I get 400 € and in the end I found out I only get 135 € (but that’s not the point) is just seasonal. Ok, not really seasonal. I mean it’s only for one year. So, why couldn’t they say it when I begun the job. Now I’m really pissed off.
One other thing. I NEVER mentioned that I do trades, and today I got a note from someone I hardly know (ok, what means hardly know, just someone, who’s not on my watchlist for about 6 month) who wants doing a trade with me. (no, I’m not upset about it, I just recognized it) and so many people are watching me. Everyday I have more deviantwatch notices in my message center. And so many people fav my stuff. Did I overlook something? When did I become popular? I don’t say I’m sad about it *feels honoured and loved* but I’m still not used to it. So many people asking me something, commenting on stuff, are faving stuff, commission me (ui, so many coms *hits forehead with paw*). I just don’t feel I deserve it. Many times I could have done a better job on my pics. MANY times!
Ok, I must admit it’s really encouraging when so many people like what I do. It means I improve. But it also means that I’m not every time on the right way, on MY way. But that’s ok at the moment. I hope.
I thought I should make a list again with commissions and trades and some useful stiff, since I’m atm an dA and the internet more active.
Commissions (closed, waiting list is open):
TeR: still not done, sorry Ter.received payment. Working on the bg for the sec, will post a few links with progress in a few days.
Freezy: done
Panther: second com, received payment, finished: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/607437/
Bengges: payment not received, still working on.
Gaelic sprite: payment received, sketching.
Waiting list:
danceswithhorses: when she still wants
Ta-ka
Yukon
FoxMcCloud
Commission information: http://icekrystal.deviantart.com/journal/12361408/ (scroll down to see the list, I will update it in a few days)
Arttrades (closed for the moment):
shadowkiro
alcira
annasko
These are the newest trades. If I forgot someone (and I can bet I forgot someone) please leave a comment and I’ll add you.
Personal projects:
New reference sheet for Yedaji: sketching
Reference sheet for my nameless char: sketching, coloring
Reference sheet for Aik: sketching and coloring
References for my personal project: slow progress, sketching
Replying on comments: slow, really slow.
I bet I forgot something, I’ll update it later.
Enough from me, I’m stressed.
I should be happy, shouldn't I?
Posted 18 years agoYeah, good question. I finally got a job, or better two. I can earn over 400 € each month but I will only get around 350 € because everything above it will get the damn employment center. Why? Long story. You have to live here to understand it. Or at least know it. You will never understand it. Nor I do. So, that's sounds good, right?
But I'm still not happy. I have to get up in the morning at 6 am and than I work from 7 to 8 am at the one job, monday till saturday. Not much I know. But I have to work 19- 23 hours more a week. So, in one week I have to work on monday, tuesday and saturday evening and in the next week I have to work thursday, friday and sunnday evening too. Than again monday, tuesday and saturday and so on. When I work on monday, tuesday, thursday or friday I have former worked from 2 pm to 7 pm (now from 1 pm to 8 pm) and when I have to work on the weekend I work from 10 am to 7 or 8 pm. As I began with the second job I had to work 19 hours a week, so I would earn 380 € per month, but know I have to work at least 23 hours a week and in the summer vacations I have to work even more. But as I said, I won't see the everything above 350 €. Ok, now some of you may ask why I still have the job in the morning when I already earn 380+ € with the other job? I still have the other job because the job in the evening is only seasonal. (reason: I work as a cashier at an open air bath). Maybe till september or october. And the second reason why I keep the job in the morning is because of bad wether I maybe earn less then 380 € in on month.
On some days I go to bed at 9 pm, get up at 6 am, work from 7 to 8, go back home, and than I'm often tired again, because I can hardly stand this hot and sticky wether, so I go back and sleep till 12 and than I get up again and go to work till 8 pm. When I am home again I'm again tired and I really hate this job as a cashier. I have problems with other human beings so it's really hard for me. So I go back to bed at 9 pm. Not funny. And on saturday it's even more stressful.
Since three weeks I try to draw again, but there is nothing. I just doodle something but everything I make looks like crap. I have some older pieces I will upload bit there is nothing more atm. I have to make so many coms, but I'm so tired. And with all the work, the damn heat and weariness I don't know if I can find the time and strength to make my damn high school diploma via distant learing. I'm so tired. *sigh*
Enogh for the moment. Sorry for writing so many crap.
I try to answer all the comments in my message center.
And thanks for all your comments on my last journal.
But I'm still not happy. I have to get up in the morning at 6 am and than I work from 7 to 8 am at the one job, monday till saturday. Not much I know. But I have to work 19- 23 hours more a week. So, in one week I have to work on monday, tuesday and saturday evening and in the next week I have to work thursday, friday and sunnday evening too. Than again monday, tuesday and saturday and so on. When I work on monday, tuesday, thursday or friday I have former worked from 2 pm to 7 pm (now from 1 pm to 8 pm) and when I have to work on the weekend I work from 10 am to 7 or 8 pm. As I began with the second job I had to work 19 hours a week, so I would earn 380 € per month, but know I have to work at least 23 hours a week and in the summer vacations I have to work even more. But as I said, I won't see the everything above 350 €. Ok, now some of you may ask why I still have the job in the morning when I already earn 380+ € with the other job? I still have the other job because the job in the evening is only seasonal. (reason: I work as a cashier at an open air bath). Maybe till september or october. And the second reason why I keep the job in the morning is because of bad wether I maybe earn less then 380 € in on month.
On some days I go to bed at 9 pm, get up at 6 am, work from 7 to 8, go back home, and than I'm often tired again, because I can hardly stand this hot and sticky wether, so I go back and sleep till 12 and than I get up again and go to work till 8 pm. When I am home again I'm again tired and I really hate this job as a cashier. I have problems with other human beings so it's really hard for me. So I go back to bed at 9 pm. Not funny. And on saturday it's even more stressful.
Since three weeks I try to draw again, but there is nothing. I just doodle something but everything I make looks like crap. I have some older pieces I will upload bit there is nothing more atm. I have to make so many coms, but I'm so tired. And with all the work, the damn heat and weariness I don't know if I can find the time and strength to make my damn high school diploma via distant learing. I'm so tired. *sigh*
Enogh for the moment. Sorry for writing so many crap.
I try to answer all the comments in my message center.
And thanks for all your comments on my last journal.
Just let me give in
Posted 18 years agoI can’t take it anymore. Why do I have to? It’s just easier to give up hope of ever getting my high school diploma and ever have the chance to study. It’s easier if I just make an apprenticeship also I know I will never get a job with it. Yeah, I know I can make my high school diploma when I have finished an apprenticeship, but that doesn’t matter, because I won’t be able to study after making an apprenticeship. I won’t get money anymore. But I just cannot take it. I put all my coms on hold, finishing the ones I already started and making the ones I already get paid for. And I will still support all artists against the artheft on orkut.com
I just cannot stand the thought of handle this anymore. I had again another bad experience which only opened my eyes and I see that everything I do is just senseless. I am (although I took the job I get only 135 € per month for) forced by the employment center to work for nothing 30 hours a week. It’s not really work, I have to go their and work in groups or whatever and they wanna find out what my strengths and my flaccidities, they want to prepare me for an apprenticeship although they always ask me what I want. And althoug it’s in the German Basic Constitutional Law that I have the right to choose if I want to do an apprenticeship or want study as long as I live here and get money from the employment center they won’ let me the choice.
Oh, you must a sad little Sessy…ever thought about killing yourself when you are so desperate?
-Do you wanna know the truth about it? Yes, I thought about it. Not only one time. But that would mean I would give up the last thing I have (and my ego is way to big to let them now that I killed myself just because they were threatening me like crap). But that’s not the only reason. I’m a Christian and although I’m not the best one and although the last time I went to church was 6 years ago I wouldn’t do it because of that. And because there is a way more important reason. I don’t mind to die right now, but I cannot bear the thought of leaving Spike here. I love her to much then leaving her with the knowledge that she would die an awful death because she’s so attached to me.
But when your ego is that big and wouldn’t let you give up your life why isn’t it big enough to face the stressful path to make your high school diploma?
-Good question and one reason why I don’t sleep at night. I thought about it so many times. And the only thing I can say is although I would never kill myself I often think when I cross the street in rush hour that I really don’t care when a car hit me and I would die. But than this damn little rational economist popped up in my head and said: So, what if you survive? When you cross the street and don’t look to the sites how huge will be your chance that the insurance of the driver of the car would pay for your stay in hospital? Do you know how much money you have to pay for it when the driver’s insurance don’t pay? It’s way to much.
And than I just turn my head and go on. *sigh*
But that’s still not the whole answer. It’s just, now my mom has so much stress with me being stressed, depressed and I often loose my temper. When I would make and apprenticeship we would have at least as much money as we have now and when I stop my emotions and being completely emotionless I won’t loose my temper anymore.
But what about your art and your wish to study?
-That will be forgotten than. Without any emotions I won’t be able to draw anymore, so I just would use my comp for being an economist. I even won’t have the time for it anymore. And when I make the apprenticeship I won’t be able to study. I won’t get paid anymore from this student fund (german: BaföG, money you get when you study and your parents cannot pay for you) when I made an apprenticeship and I won’t be able to work besides scholastics to earn at least 800 € (which I would need than).
So it doens’t matter anymore. I think I have to give up this only wish. I’m just to tired to keep fighting. So tired. This house we are living in makes me sick. I’m already have a lung disease, I’m getting tired really fast, I’m getting weak and dizzy fast especially when it’s wet, I have problems with my kidneys and with my stomach and I often have a headache. Most of the things I suppose come from the wet house and the mildew infested rooms. Things like the nausea and why I am so tired I think come mostly from the stress.
And Nanakyi if you read this:
If you ever need help or money or whatever, just drop a note and I will do whatever I can do, no matter what happen now to me.
Now I’m really tired. I should rest my head a little. Maybe things are changing but I have no strength anymore to believe.
Oh, and I try to reply on all the comments and make some updates on the arttheft.
I just cannot stand the thought of handle this anymore. I had again another bad experience which only opened my eyes and I see that everything I do is just senseless. I am (although I took the job I get only 135 € per month for) forced by the employment center to work for nothing 30 hours a week. It’s not really work, I have to go their and work in groups or whatever and they wanna find out what my strengths and my flaccidities, they want to prepare me for an apprenticeship although they always ask me what I want. And althoug it’s in the German Basic Constitutional Law that I have the right to choose if I want to do an apprenticeship or want study as long as I live here and get money from the employment center they won’ let me the choice.
Oh, you must a sad little Sessy…ever thought about killing yourself when you are so desperate?
-Do you wanna know the truth about it? Yes, I thought about it. Not only one time. But that would mean I would give up the last thing I have (and my ego is way to big to let them now that I killed myself just because they were threatening me like crap). But that’s not the only reason. I’m a Christian and although I’m not the best one and although the last time I went to church was 6 years ago I wouldn’t do it because of that. And because there is a way more important reason. I don’t mind to die right now, but I cannot bear the thought of leaving Spike here. I love her to much then leaving her with the knowledge that she would die an awful death because she’s so attached to me.
But when your ego is that big and wouldn’t let you give up your life why isn’t it big enough to face the stressful path to make your high school diploma?
-Good question and one reason why I don’t sleep at night. I thought about it so many times. And the only thing I can say is although I would never kill myself I often think when I cross the street in rush hour that I really don’t care when a car hit me and I would die. But than this damn little rational economist popped up in my head and said: So, what if you survive? When you cross the street and don’t look to the sites how huge will be your chance that the insurance of the driver of the car would pay for your stay in hospital? Do you know how much money you have to pay for it when the driver’s insurance don’t pay? It’s way to much.
And than I just turn my head and go on. *sigh*
But that’s still not the whole answer. It’s just, now my mom has so much stress with me being stressed, depressed and I often loose my temper. When I would make and apprenticeship we would have at least as much money as we have now and when I stop my emotions and being completely emotionless I won’t loose my temper anymore.
But what about your art and your wish to study?
-That will be forgotten than. Without any emotions I won’t be able to draw anymore, so I just would use my comp for being an economist. I even won’t have the time for it anymore. And when I make the apprenticeship I won’t be able to study. I won’t get paid anymore from this student fund (german: BaföG, money you get when you study and your parents cannot pay for you) when I made an apprenticeship and I won’t be able to work besides scholastics to earn at least 800 € (which I would need than).
So it doens’t matter anymore. I think I have to give up this only wish. I’m just to tired to keep fighting. So tired. This house we are living in makes me sick. I’m already have a lung disease, I’m getting tired really fast, I’m getting weak and dizzy fast especially when it’s wet, I have problems with my kidneys and with my stomach and I often have a headache. Most of the things I suppose come from the wet house and the mildew infested rooms. Things like the nausea and why I am so tired I think come mostly from the stress.
And Nanakyi if you read this:
If you ever need help or money or whatever, just drop a note and I will do whatever I can do, no matter what happen now to me.
Now I’m really tired. I should rest my head a little. Maybe things are changing but I have no strength anymore to believe.
Oh, and I try to reply on all the comments and make some updates on the arttheft.
Another hard down...
Posted 18 years agoI have to take a little break. Tuesday I had a n interview for a job. The ad said I would get 400 € per month for the job. But in the interview I heard I would only get 135 € for it. I need at least 350 € per month. It just sucks, because it's the first job I could get. I cannot take more. I'm too weak for it. I just don't know. And now I need a little break. I won't work on coms till monday I think.
I come down with a cold and I have a terrible headache and probs with my damn router and my MP3 Player (they are just making me mad and I don't know what's wrong with 'em) and since tuesday (the time I had the interview for the job I described) my stomach is aching badly. And each time I get nervous or I'm upset it gets even worse. That's bad.
*sigh* I´m still open for commissions. Below I add the reason and the price list again. And again: The prices are NOT fixed, they are adjustable. If you want a commission but you think a price is definitely too high, tell me what you are willing or able to pay.
Here´s a list what kind of commissions I will mainly take (because I cannot handle everything in such a short period to gain enough money).
Only digital commissions, no prints, payment via Paypal (Paypal acount: yedaji_nikopol@yahoo.com):
I take donations too. So if anyone has a few bucks laying around please I´m in really need of money. Everyone will get something from me when everything calmed down. I won´t forget anyone who helped me.
I added some cheaper commissions for people who don´t want to spend that much money for a full digital piece or don´t have enough money. And for people I know better and which don´t have that much money I can easily adjust the prices. That aren´t fixed prices.
Digital Sketch commissions:
-as detailed as you want, black outlines like you can see on the examples, background color can be normal white or oldpaper texture
-one char: 13 $ (10 €)
Examples: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/167225/ http://www.furaffinity.net/full/439591/
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/394036/
-each additional char: 6,6 $ (5 €)
Example (with two chars): http://www.furaffinity.net/full/391142/
<b>Digital charpic:</b>
Fullbodycharacter image with really easy coloring, no (whiteb bg) or really basic background: 30 $ (23 €)
-each additional char: 7 $ (5,3 €)
Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/365060/
Char sheets: can be adult too; with one full body image (complex coloration), colorchart, description, detail shot of special things like markings, eyes, jewels etc.
-> 55 $ (44 €)
not more than three detailshots otherwise it will cost 60 $ (48 €) or upwards
Examples: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/467291/
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/366342/
Single Character Soft-Cel style:
-no bg (white bg): 60 $ (48 €)
-simple bg http://www.furaffinity.net/view/200283/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/199827/: 65 $ (52 €)
No complex bg
-each additional char: 30 $ (25 €)
Flay commissions:
Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/275076/
Detailed commission, complex coloring with a basic background: 80 $ (63 €), (no complex background)
-each additional character 45 $ (36 €)
Adult art commissions (cell-soft-shading or better softshading):
Base price 80 $ (63 €) (85 $ (67€) and upwards when a more detailed and complex bg is wanted, has to be discussed via email)
Examples:
->basic bg: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/413228/
->complex bg: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/467298/
-each additional character 45 $ (36 €)
Icons in Celshading-style maybe softshading too(no prints ): available in 100x100; 100x150 or 50x50 pixel
-simple bg (jpeg): 15 $ (12 €)
-transparent (gif): 12 $ (10€)
Note: You get a high-resolution jpeg file (mostly between 8”x 6” and 11”x8” at 300 dpi besides Icons and badges, the sizes will be smaller) via email.
IMPORTANT!
The Process: I need reference material for all characters. Reference images and/or detailed descriptions. Before I accept a commission I need a detailed description of what you want. I won’t accept every commission. I will note you back (this can take a little longer, be patient). I won’t show In-Progress images, nor edit images. I don’t want money before I finished the commission, I will inform you via note or email when I want the money (with payment information), but I won’t show you the finished piece before I receive the money.
Within Germany I accept Paypal and bank transfers (Überweisung), outside of Germany I only accept Paypal. NO MONEY BY MAIL!!!
Before I color an image I’ll send you a sketch. At this stage you can still make changes.
I don’t draw copyrighted materials or humans.
Serious Inquiries only!
NO IN-PROGRESS IMAGES, NO EDITS.
The reason:
My mom and I live from unemployment benefit. We have really little money and live in a really crappy cold house. I´m ill since almost six month.
One year ago I left school before I could make my Abitur (in english it´s A-Levels, I think). I left because I wasn´t accredited (right word?) to the exam. My grades were too bad, I had problems with my teacher and my classmates. So my mom and I decided we wanna move (because this town makes us sick, and to leave so many things behind)
But finding a new house and jobs (we don´t want live from this damn unemployment benefit anymore) is harder then we thought, especially when you have two dogs. And I will never give them away. Spike´s all I have.
My parents are divorced. My mom is way too old to take an "normal" job, she only can take small jobs, but when I take such a job too and can additionally make my A-levels through distant-learning we can maybe make it. But in this small town (we still live because we cannot move) we don´t find jobs and it´s hard when you have no car, nor a driver´s license.
Now the nice people from the jobcenter want that I make an apprenticeship, but when I do it I´m not able to move for the next three years and I won´t get BaföG (money you get when you study and your parents have too little money to help you out with money) anymore. But without it I have no chance to study. My parents DON´T have enough money and I wanna study art and that´s really expensive. And when I refuse to make an apprenticeship, they will cut all the money and we will end up on the street. There are many ways more I thought about like moving without my dogs and my mom (what I really don’t wanna do) but than my mom will get so little money that she won’t be able to hold this cheap and crappy house. When I try it again and go to a different school (we have another school in the next town where I could make my A-levels) I would have the same problem, because I don´t get money from them anymore when I´m over the age of 16 (and I´m much older) and still in school.
I just wanna study art. Not only one time since I began to draw I wanted to give it up, but I can´t. It´s a part of me. I´m really desperate, there are no more ways, only if we can find a house (and that will be hard enough to find there jobs too when we finally can find a house). I hate this damn german social system.
I hope I could explain everything good enough to you. As I said, my english is crappy and I don´t always know every right word.
It´s a really LONG journal and I hope that I haven´t lost anyone of you through this journal. Thanks for reading and I hope and wish that some of you can help me.
And please spread it everywhere you can. I hate to say that I´m weak, but I cannot handle everything on my own. I need your help.
I come down with a cold and I have a terrible headache and probs with my damn router and my MP3 Player (they are just making me mad and I don't know what's wrong with 'em) and since tuesday (the time I had the interview for the job I described) my stomach is aching badly. And each time I get nervous or I'm upset it gets even worse. That's bad.
*sigh* I´m still open for commissions. Below I add the reason and the price list again. And again: The prices are NOT fixed, they are adjustable. If you want a commission but you think a price is definitely too high, tell me what you are willing or able to pay.
Here´s a list what kind of commissions I will mainly take (because I cannot handle everything in such a short period to gain enough money).
Only digital commissions, no prints, payment via Paypal (Paypal acount: yedaji_nikopol@yahoo.com):
I take donations too. So if anyone has a few bucks laying around please I´m in really need of money. Everyone will get something from me when everything calmed down. I won´t forget anyone who helped me.
I added some cheaper commissions for people who don´t want to spend that much money for a full digital piece or don´t have enough money. And for people I know better and which don´t have that much money I can easily adjust the prices. That aren´t fixed prices.
Digital Sketch commissions:
-as detailed as you want, black outlines like you can see on the examples, background color can be normal white or oldpaper texture
-one char: 13 $ (10 €)
Examples: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/167225/ http://www.furaffinity.net/full/439591/
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/394036/
-each additional char: 6,6 $ (5 €)
Example (with two chars): http://www.furaffinity.net/full/391142/
<b>Digital charpic:</b>
Fullbodycharacter image with really easy coloring, no (whiteb bg) or really basic background: 30 $ (23 €)
-each additional char: 7 $ (5,3 €)
Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/365060/
Char sheets: can be adult too; with one full body image (complex coloration), colorchart, description, detail shot of special things like markings, eyes, jewels etc.
-> 55 $ (44 €)
not more than three detailshots otherwise it will cost 60 $ (48 €) or upwards
Examples: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/467291/
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/366342/
Single Character Soft-Cel style:
-no bg (white bg): 60 $ (48 €)
-simple bg http://www.furaffinity.net/view/200283/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/199827/: 65 $ (52 €)
No complex bg
-each additional char: 30 $ (25 €)
Flay commissions:
Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/275076/
Detailed commission, complex coloring with a basic background: 80 $ (63 €), (no complex background)
-each additional character 45 $ (36 €)
Adult art commissions (cell-soft-shading or better softshading):
Base price 80 $ (63 €) (85 $ (67€) and upwards when a more detailed and complex bg is wanted, has to be discussed via email)
Examples:
->basic bg: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/413228/
->complex bg: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/467298/
-each additional character 45 $ (36 €)
Icons in Celshading-style maybe softshading too(no prints ): available in 100x100; 100x150 or 50x50 pixel
-simple bg (jpeg): 15 $ (12 €)
-transparent (gif): 12 $ (10€)
Note: You get a high-resolution jpeg file (mostly between 8”x 6” and 11”x8” at 300 dpi besides Icons and badges, the sizes will be smaller) via email.
IMPORTANT!
The Process: I need reference material for all characters. Reference images and/or detailed descriptions. Before I accept a commission I need a detailed description of what you want. I won’t accept every commission. I will note you back (this can take a little longer, be patient). I won’t show In-Progress images, nor edit images. I don’t want money before I finished the commission, I will inform you via note or email when I want the money (with payment information), but I won’t show you the finished piece before I receive the money.
Within Germany I accept Paypal and bank transfers (Überweisung), outside of Germany I only accept Paypal. NO MONEY BY MAIL!!!
Before I color an image I’ll send you a sketch. At this stage you can still make changes.
I don’t draw copyrighted materials or humans.
Serious Inquiries only!
NO IN-PROGRESS IMAGES, NO EDITS.
The reason:
My mom and I live from unemployment benefit. We have really little money and live in a really crappy cold house. I´m ill since almost six month.
One year ago I left school before I could make my Abitur (in english it´s A-Levels, I think). I left because I wasn´t accredited (right word?) to the exam. My grades were too bad, I had problems with my teacher and my classmates. So my mom and I decided we wanna move (because this town makes us sick, and to leave so many things behind)
But finding a new house and jobs (we don´t want live from this damn unemployment benefit anymore) is harder then we thought, especially when you have two dogs. And I will never give them away. Spike´s all I have.
My parents are divorced. My mom is way too old to take an "normal" job, she only can take small jobs, but when I take such a job too and can additionally make my A-levels through distant-learning we can maybe make it. But in this small town (we still live because we cannot move) we don´t find jobs and it´s hard when you have no car, nor a driver´s license.
Now the nice people from the jobcenter want that I make an apprenticeship, but when I do it I´m not able to move for the next three years and I won´t get BaföG (money you get when you study and your parents have too little money to help you out with money) anymore. But without it I have no chance to study. My parents DON´T have enough money and I wanna study art and that´s really expensive. And when I refuse to make an apprenticeship, they will cut all the money and we will end up on the street. There are many ways more I thought about like moving without my dogs and my mom (what I really don’t wanna do) but than my mom will get so little money that she won’t be able to hold this cheap and crappy house. When I try it again and go to a different school (we have another school in the next town where I could make my A-levels) I would have the same problem, because I don´t get money from them anymore when I´m over the age of 16 (and I´m much older) and still in school.
I just wanna study art. Not only one time since I began to draw I wanted to give it up, but I can´t. It´s a part of me. I´m really desperate, there are no more ways, only if we can find a house (and that will be hard enough to find there jobs too when we finally can find a house). I hate this damn german social system.
I hope I could explain everything good enough to you. As I said, my english is crappy and I don´t always know every right word.
It´s a really LONG journal and I hope that I haven´t lost anyone of you through this journal. Thanks for reading and I hope and wish that some of you can help me.
And please spread it everywhere you can. I hate to say that I´m weak, but I cannot handle everything on my own. I need your help.
Short update!!!
Posted 18 years agoSo, just a short update how things go now. I still try to find a job.
Sent out three more job applications. Took four more commissions and have no idea if I can take it all. My head aches since two days now and I´m tired no matter if I sleep three hours or ten hours a night. Search for a new house is still without results and I still cannot begin to make my high school diploma. So far everything still sucks.
And sorry to all for not replying to comments. You´re alls o kind and I really appreciate all of your comments. I have just not much time to reply. Please bear with me. I also try to comment on some of your pics if you want. If anyone has a pic I definitely should see send me the link.
*sigh* I´m still open for commissions. Below I add the reason and the price list again. And again: The prices are NOT fixed, they are adjustable. If you want a commission but you think a price is definitely too high, tell me what you are willing or able to pay.
Here´s a list what kind of commissions I will mainly take (because I cannot handle everything in such a short period to gain enough money).
Only digital commissions, no prints, payment via Paypal (Paypal acount: yedaji_nikopol@yahoo.com):
I take donations too. So if anyone has a few bucks laying around please I´m in really need of money. Everyone will get something from me when everything calmed down. I won´t forget anyone who helped me.
I added some cheaper commissions for people who don´t want to spend that much money for a full digital piece or don´t have enough money. And for people I know better and which don´t have that much money I can easily adjust the prices. That aren´t fixed prices.
Digital Sketch commissions:
-as detailed as you want, black outlines like you can see on the examples, background color can be normal white or oldpaper texture
-one char: 13 $ (10 €)
Examples: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/167225/ http://www.furaffinity.net/full/439591/
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/394036/
-each additional char: 6,6 $ (5 €)
Example (with two chars): http://www.furaffinity.net/full/391142/
<b>Digital charpic:</b>
Fullbodycharacter image with really easy coloring, no (whiteb bg) or really basic background: 30 $ (23 €)
-each additional char: 7 $ (5,3 €)
Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/365060/
Char sheets: can be adult too; with one full body image (complex coloration), colorchart, description, detail shot of special things like markings, eyes, jewels etc.
-> 55 $ (44 €)
not more than three detailshots otherwise it will cost 60 $ (48 €) or upwards
Examples: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/467291/
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/366342/
Single Character Soft-Cel style:
-no bg (white bg): 60 $ (48 €)
-simple bg http://www.furaffinity.net/view/200283/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/199827/: 65 $ (52 €)
No complex bg
-each additional char: 30 $ (25 €)
Flay commissions:
Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/275076/
Detailed commission, complex coloring with a basic background: 80 $ (63 €), (no complex background)
-each additional character 45 $ (36 €)
Adult art commissions (cell-soft-shading or better softshading):
Base price 80 $ (63 €) (85 $ (67€) and upwards when a more detailed and complex bg is wanted, has to be discussed via email)
Examples:
->basic bg: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/413228/
->complex bg: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/467298/
-each additional character 45 $ (36 €)
Icons in Celshading-style maybe softshading too(no prints ): available in 100x100; 100x150 or 50x50 pixel
-simple bg (jpeg): 15 $ (12 €)
-transparent (gif): 12 $ (10€)
Note: You get a high-resolution jpeg file (mostly between 8”x 6” and 11”x8” at 300 dpi besides Icons and badges, the sizes will be smaller) via email.
IMPORTANT!
The Process: I need reference material for all characters. Reference images and/or detailed descriptions. Before I accept a commission I need a detailed description of what you want. I won’t accept every commission. I will note you back (this can take a little longer, be patient). I won’t show In-Progress images, nor edit images. I don’t want money before I finished the commission, I will inform you via note or email when I want the money (with payment information), but I won’t show you the finished piece before I receive the money.
Within Germany I accept Paypal and bank transfers (Überweisung), outside of Germany I only accept Paypal. NO MONEY BY MAIL!!!
Before I color an image I’ll send you a sketch. At this stage you can still make changes.
I don’t draw copyrighted materials or humans.
Serious Inquiries only!
NO IN-PROGRESS IMAGES, NO EDITS.
The reason:
My mom and I live from unemployment benefit. We have really little money and live in a really crappy cold house. I´m ill since almost six month.
One year ago I left school before I could make my Abitur (in english it´s A-Levels, I think). I left because I wasn´t accredited (right word?) to the exam. My grades were too bad, I had problems with my teacher and my classmates. So my mom and I decided we wanna move (because this town makes us sick, and to leave so many things behind)
But finding a new house and jobs (we don´t want live from this damn unemployment benefit anymore) is harder then we thought, especially when you have two dogs. And I will never give them away. Spike´s all I have.
My parents are divorced. My mom is way too old to take an "normal" job, she only can take small jobs, but when I take such a job too and can additionally make my A-levels through distant-learning we can maybe make it. But in this small town (we still live because we cannot move) we don´t find jobs and it´s hard when you have no car, nor a driver´s license.
Now the nice people from the jobcenter want that I make an apprenticeship, but when I do it I´m not able to move for the next three years and I won´t get BaföG (money you get when you study and your parents have too little money to help you out with money) anymore. But without it I have no chance to study. My parents DON´T have enough money and I wanna study art and that´s really expensive. And when I refuse to make an apprenticeship, they will cut all the money and we will end up on the street. There are many ways more I thought about like moving without my dogs and my mom (what I really don’t wanna do) but than my mom will get so little money that she won’t be able to hold this cheap and crappy house. When I try it again and go to a different school (we have another school in the next town where I could make my A-levels) I would have the same problem, because I don´t get money from them anymore when I´m over the age of 16 (and I´m much older) and still in school.
I just wanna study art. Not only one time since I began to draw I wanted to give it up, but I can´t. It´s a part of me. I´m really desperate, there are no more ways, only if we can find a house (and that will be hard enough to find there jobs too when we finally can find a house). I hate this damn german social system.
I hope I could explain everything good enough to you. As I said, my english is crappy and I don´t always know every right word.
It´s a really LONG journal and I hope that I haven´t lost anyone of you through this journal. Thanks for reading and I hope and wish that some of you can help me.
And please spread it everywhere you can. I hate to say that I´m weak, but I cannot handle everything on my own. I need your help.
Sent out three more job applications. Took four more commissions and have no idea if I can take it all. My head aches since two days now and I´m tired no matter if I sleep three hours or ten hours a night. Search for a new house is still without results and I still cannot begin to make my high school diploma. So far everything still sucks.
And sorry to all for not replying to comments. You´re alls o kind and I really appreciate all of your comments. I have just not much time to reply. Please bear with me. I also try to comment on some of your pics if you want. If anyone has a pic I definitely should see send me the link.
*sigh* I´m still open for commissions. Below I add the reason and the price list again. And again: The prices are NOT fixed, they are adjustable. If you want a commission but you think a price is definitely too high, tell me what you are willing or able to pay.
Here´s a list what kind of commissions I will mainly take (because I cannot handle everything in such a short period to gain enough money).
Only digital commissions, no prints, payment via Paypal (Paypal acount: yedaji_nikopol@yahoo.com):
I take donations too. So if anyone has a few bucks laying around please I´m in really need of money. Everyone will get something from me when everything calmed down. I won´t forget anyone who helped me.
I added some cheaper commissions for people who don´t want to spend that much money for a full digital piece or don´t have enough money. And for people I know better and which don´t have that much money I can easily adjust the prices. That aren´t fixed prices.
Digital Sketch commissions:
-as detailed as you want, black outlines like you can see on the examples, background color can be normal white or oldpaper texture
-one char: 13 $ (10 €)
Examples: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/167225/ http://www.furaffinity.net/full/439591/
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/394036/
-each additional char: 6,6 $ (5 €)
Example (with two chars): http://www.furaffinity.net/full/391142/
<b>Digital charpic:</b>
Fullbodycharacter image with really easy coloring, no (whiteb bg) or really basic background: 30 $ (23 €)
-each additional char: 7 $ (5,3 €)
Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/365060/
Char sheets: can be adult too; with one full body image (complex coloration), colorchart, description, detail shot of special things like markings, eyes, jewels etc.
-> 55 $ (44 €)
not more than three detailshots otherwise it will cost 60 $ (48 €) or upwards
Examples: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/467291/
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/366342/
Single Character Soft-Cel style:
-no bg (white bg): 60 $ (48 €)
-simple bg http://www.furaffinity.net/view/200283/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/199827/: 65 $ (52 €)
No complex bg
-each additional char: 30 $ (25 €)
Flay commissions:
Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/275076/
Detailed commission, complex coloring with a basic background: 80 $ (63 €), (no complex background)
-each additional character 45 $ (36 €)
Adult art commissions (cell-soft-shading or better softshading):
Base price 80 $ (63 €) (85 $ (67€) and upwards when a more detailed and complex bg is wanted, has to be discussed via email)
Examples:
->basic bg: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/413228/
->complex bg: http://www.furaffinity.net/full/467298/
-each additional character 45 $ (36 €)
Icons in Celshading-style maybe softshading too(no prints ): available in 100x100; 100x150 or 50x50 pixel
-simple bg (jpeg): 15 $ (12 €)
-transparent (gif): 12 $ (10€)
Note: You get a high-resolution jpeg file (mostly between 8”x 6” and 11”x8” at 300 dpi besides Icons and badges, the sizes will be smaller) via email.
IMPORTANT!
The Process: I need reference material for all characters. Reference images and/or detailed descriptions. Before I accept a commission I need a detailed description of what you want. I won’t accept every commission. I will note you back (this can take a little longer, be patient). I won’t show In-Progress images, nor edit images. I don’t want money before I finished the commission, I will inform you via note or email when I want the money (with payment information), but I won’t show you the finished piece before I receive the money.
Within Germany I accept Paypal and bank transfers (Überweisung), outside of Germany I only accept Paypal. NO MONEY BY MAIL!!!
Before I color an image I’ll send you a sketch. At this stage you can still make changes.
I don’t draw copyrighted materials or humans.
Serious Inquiries only!
NO IN-PROGRESS IMAGES, NO EDITS.
The reason:
My mom and I live from unemployment benefit. We have really little money and live in a really crappy cold house. I´m ill since almost six month.
One year ago I left school before I could make my Abitur (in english it´s A-Levels, I think). I left because I wasn´t accredited (right word?) to the exam. My grades were too bad, I had problems with my teacher and my classmates. So my mom and I decided we wanna move (because this town makes us sick, and to leave so many things behind)
But finding a new house and jobs (we don´t want live from this damn unemployment benefit anymore) is harder then we thought, especially when you have two dogs. And I will never give them away. Spike´s all I have.
My parents are divorced. My mom is way too old to take an "normal" job, she only can take small jobs, but when I take such a job too and can additionally make my A-levels through distant-learning we can maybe make it. But in this small town (we still live because we cannot move) we don´t find jobs and it´s hard when you have no car, nor a driver´s license.
Now the nice people from the jobcenter want that I make an apprenticeship, but when I do it I´m not able to move for the next three years and I won´t get BaföG (money you get when you study and your parents have too little money to help you out with money) anymore. But without it I have no chance to study. My parents DON´T have enough money and I wanna study art and that´s really expensive. And when I refuse to make an apprenticeship, they will cut all the money and we will end up on the street. There are many ways more I thought about like moving without my dogs and my mom (what I really don’t wanna do) but than my mom will get so little money that she won’t be able to hold this cheap and crappy house. When I try it again and go to a different school (we have another school in the next town where I could make my A-levels) I would have the same problem, because I don´t get money from them anymore when I´m over the age of 16 (and I´m much older) and still in school.
I just wanna study art. Not only one time since I began to draw I wanted to give it up, but I can´t. It´s a part of me. I´m really desperate, there are no more ways, only if we can find a house (and that will be hard enough to find there jobs too when we finally can find a house). I hate this damn german social system.
I hope I could explain everything good enough to you. As I said, my english is crappy and I don´t always know every right word.
It´s a really LONG journal and I hope that I haven´t lost anyone of you through this journal. Thanks for reading and I hope and wish that some of you can help me.
And please spread it everywhere you can. I hate to say that I´m weak, but I cannot handle everything on my own. I need your help.
I just wanna give in
Posted 18 years agoI just wanna give in. Ignore all my feelings and wishes I REALLY have and go along with all they tell me I have to do. Although I know when I do it I won´t have the chance anymore to go to an university. But I cannot fight anymore. Never thought I would ever give up hope, but this time I really feel down. I just want this ugly feeling to stop. Now!
Maybe I´m too sensitive. It´s just everything from my past is coming up again. I never talked to someone about it, and I don´t think I will ever do.
I never had problems with it as long as I could ignore it, but now I don´t know how long I can do that.
Sound I too desperate? I thought long about writing this journal. I don´t know what will be next month. Maybe I will not even have enough money to live. They won´t pay money anymore.
*sigh* It´s so damn, gah, I can´t take it anymore. I have thought about everything each and every day. I cannot sleep at night (haven´t slept much, only four hours, since three days) because I only can think about my future. Nah, I haven´t a future anymore.
I don´t think I´ll write the whole reason down in this journal, because it will be a REALLY long journal when I do it. But when someone of you wanna know the reasons why I´m at this point and why there are no more ways just write me a note or leave a comment and I´ll try to explain it to you.
Maybe I´m too sensitive. It´s just everything from my past is coming up again. I never talked to someone about it, and I don´t think I will ever do.
I never had problems with it as long as I could ignore it, but now I don´t know how long I can do that.
Sound I too desperate? I thought long about writing this journal. I don´t know what will be next month. Maybe I will not even have enough money to live. They won´t pay money anymore.
*sigh* It´s so damn, gah, I can´t take it anymore. I have thought about everything each and every day. I cannot sleep at night (haven´t slept much, only four hours, since three days) because I only can think about my future. Nah, I haven´t a future anymore.
I don´t think I´ll write the whole reason down in this journal, because it will be a REALLY long journal when I do it. But when someone of you wanna know the reasons why I´m at this point and why there are no more ways just write me a note or leave a comment and I´ll try to explain it to you.
Everything on hold...
Posted 18 years agoI put everything on hold. Trades, gifts, responses to comments, commissions and personal projects. Sorry guys but today life gets even more complicated than before and I really don´t know what will happen in the next few days and weeks. I really fear for my future.
Thanks for reading this!
Thanks for reading this!
Hide myself
Posted 18 years agoPlease forgive me my semi-abstinance. I uploaded a few things but I coulnd´t manage to answer to comments and such. Sorry, I´ll try to answer to all of your comments.
I dond´t feel well at the moment and I think you´ll see more vent art in the following days/weeks. And some more pics of my personal project.
Commissions and trades are closed. I fear I have to cancel some of them. If you are on the waiting list than you´ll be lucky, because I think I will stop taking coms for the next few years. Maybe I´ll change my mind, but for now I´ll stop it.
And I will only finish the trades I have (be patient) and than will stop them too. And I never do requests.
All from me.
I´ll crawl back into my dark little hole.
I dond´t feel well at the moment and I think you´ll see more vent art in the following days/weeks. And some more pics of my personal project.
Commissions and trades are closed. I fear I have to cancel some of them. If you are on the waiting list than you´ll be lucky, because I think I will stop taking coms for the next few years. Maybe I´ll change my mind, but for now I´ll stop it.
And I will only finish the trades I have (be patient) and than will stop them too. And I never do requests.
All from me.
I´ll crawl back into my dark little hole.
Destroy a future, destroy a live?
Posted 18 years agoYes, you understand it right. The german government destroyes my future right now. Today I got the note. They won't let me make my A-levels and I won't get the chance to study just because my mom and I live from social benefits. I need 350 $ (300 €) per month so I can study via distance learning and make my A-levels. But from the minute I register for distance learning I won't get the social benefits anymore and so I have no money to buy food anymore. I wish I could sell so many commissions per month to raise the money or getting a job here in the city, but my skills are too bad and close-by my home are no job offers.
I have no way. I'm really desperate and bloody damn angry!!!!! I never was so angry before, I nearly did hit my dog (but I resisted). I would never forgive me when I would hit Spike. Never. I would rather hit myself than hit her.
Gah, I'm so angry I could kill someone. I don't know what I can do.
I have no way. I'm really desperate and bloody damn angry!!!!! I never was so angry before, I nearly did hit my dog (but I resisted). I would never forgive me when I would hit Spike. Never. I would rather hit myself than hit her.
Gah, I'm so angry I could kill someone. I don't know what I can do.
I´m kinda back!!
Posted 19 years agoAs you´ve may recognized I´m back. Wasn´t here for nearly two month. Uploaded some pics I made in the meantime. I will upload more in the next few day and cleaning up my account a bit.
So, see ya!
So, see ya!
Leaving?
Posted 19 years agoI never have much time and so I don't often browse through this site. I recognized this whole cub-art thing as I read Silber's journal entry. Now I informed myself more about it and I have to say that I not agree with the decision. I'll maybe leave. Maybe forever, maybe only for a while. My art will stay here until I decided what I will do further.
My head is full of things at the moment and I have to think about so many things now, so no new art here for a while.
I think I will wait first. Waiting until things calm down. I never support this kind of art, nor do I support the admin's decision, but like Nimrais already said in her journal, I chose this fandom and I have to live with it. Nevertheless, I will NEVER accept it and NEVER support it.
You can still reach me here:
http://icekrystal.deviantart.com/ http://sheezyart.com/
My head is full of things at the moment and I have to think about so many things now, so no new art here for a while.
I think I will wait first. Waiting until things calm down. I never support this kind of art, nor do I support the admin's decision, but like Nimrais already said in her journal, I chose this fandom and I have to live with it. Nevertheless, I will NEVER accept it and NEVER support it.
You can still reach me here:
http://icekrystal.deviantart.com/ http://sheezyart.com/
