Look to this journal for details and such, it's all here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1435369/

that I'm not very good at sketching. XP lol I kinda suck at it actually. I always want to darken my lines too soon and later on, happen to realize that I need to change them sometimes just slightly, and other times drastically. Photoshop is my saving grace. If not for it.... hell you wouldn't be able to tell what SEVERAL of my drawings even were because I screwed them up so much! X.x I'm just going to die this summer without it.... although I'm working on sketching more than finalizing.... a fact that was shown in Aria, and Castiel's first submission. He was very much sketched, and very hastily (And prolly sloppily) shaded. I wasn't really trying to do very much with him at that point because he was just a random doodle that wound up looking rather good. lol afterwards, I obviously thought of a name and character and all that for him. lol magically happened while I was writing down the fact that he was a random dragon that I hadn't figured out yet. Character facts came to mind as I went along, so if it sounded kinda sketchy and I switched form one thing to another alot, it's just because that's how my brain works and random facts about my characters come to mind at the strangest times. I had a complete character profile, image, description, all that jazz, come to mind for a petifile/demon character (from one of my stories that I was writing several years ago,) in the middle of church one day. O_o WEIRDEST THING EVER. usually one doesn't think of awesome demon characters while in a church service with their strictly christian grandparents..... it's just not normal. Especially when said person is christian themself! that just makes it all the stranger.... along with my fascination with dark and dangerous things.... never understood it, only knew I thought it was the shit! lol I changed topics.... oops.... lol so yeah. lol explaination became splurg. X3 then again.... it's almost midnight, so My brain is LOOOOOOOONG gone by now anyways. :3 heeheehee... Ima go to sleep and dream of the angel Castiel now. <3 and prolly Dean Winchester too. 83 iz gonna be a NIIIIIICE dream!!! <3 lol

Poetry from a while back.... no stealing pleez....




The skies grow dark as one grieving child comforts another,

And the rain falls down mimicking the two,

And the thunder roars, drowning out their rage,

as the world grows cold and blue......







And he looked into her eyes and saw an unfamiliar wildness there, the likes of which she had never before portrayed; pure animal rage. He stare at her, this girl he'd hurt, and feared what would become of him should her mortal cage of flesh be moved aside for that rage to lash out at him in full beyond her words. He stared at her, this girl he'd thought he knew, and wondered at her new-found strength.







And the Wolf tilted her head to the sky in a mournful howl,

My pack is dead. my home is dead. I am alone. It's my time to go, to follow to the great beyond, to leave this world and all it's pain behind.

STUPID COMP WON'T DO WHAT I TELL IT TO!!!!! XP THHHHHHBBBBTTTTTTT!!!! Yes I'm throwing a temper tantrum. Gotta problem with that? then quit reading this particular post. I CAN'T SUBMIT MY WRITING!!!!! stupid comp doesn't have the right file formats for it. XP The admins shud make it so FA accepts .cwk for writing things too cuz that's all I have, and all I CAN have. >:( stupid comp not having the right stuff for what's already accepted... *sigh* ........ ok I'm done ranting now.... sorry about that..... *hits face on wall* lol.....

So my ex boyfriend (who broke up with me about a month or two into last school year and then told me never to talk to him again and that he hated my guts a couple weeks before the end of the school year) just sent me this email..... and it reminded me of the way he was when I met him. Sweet, a little hesitant, and completely unsure of where he stood but still without a care in the world if whoever he was talking to hated him or not. He had done some pretty messed up shit while we were hanging out, made me think I was special, that he actually genuinely liked me, ( granted he was the first boy to ever show any sort of interest in me at ALL.) played with my heart, used me, and then just tossed me aside like a piece of garbage without so much as HALF a warning..... and just now he said he was sorry for it.
Now coming from HIM, this is the kind of thing that people react to with, O.o " HOLY SHIT THE FUCKING WORLD'S GONNA END!!!!! HE APOLOGIZED!?!?!?!!?" He said in the message that I'd probably either get mad at him and yell, or start crying, but the funny thing is, I don't feel like doing either. To be honest, if he was within ten feet of me right now I would hug him. Whether he wanted me to or not. ( and considering my insanely shy and timid nature when it comes to face-to-face things, that's saying a lot.) I'm not angry at him..... honestly I never really was. I was only hurt..... And I did my best to NOT turn that hurt into anger, or act on that hurt and lash out at him. I think I failed a little, but I managed to keep most of it inside where I could hide it away and pretend it wasn't there. lol and now that I've got this message..... I feel peaceful. The one unsolved thing in my life, the one thing I know I screwed up on too, is..... less gnawing. I read that message, and suddenly I felt more at peace than I have since my dad and I were hanging out at my grandma's house. When I'm with my dad, everything else just melts away and I can focus on all the happy things in life. :) and this message... it did the same thing. On a smaller scale that I know will be shattered sometime tomorrow, but at least I can sleep in peace for tonight. :)
( I only ever really get to see my dad once a year, what with him living in Idaho and me living in colorado and all.)
So.... yeah. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now... <3 lol :3

Dude, My family is like SERIOUSLY good at getting prego around the same time of the year!! almost ALL the birthdays are between September and January 10th. My little sister's is Sept. 5th, My little brother's is oct. 30th ( little demon spawn!!) my aunt's ( and mine!) is dec. 25th, uncle's is dec. 29th, my baby brother's is Jan. 5th, and my older sister's is jan. 8th. X) my poor parents... we get REALLY poor around this time of year! XD But we all have a lot of fun and sugar rushes so it all works out! :3 sorta.... lol plus gramma pays for most of it. :D GO GRAMMA!!!! lol

Dude, ok, so I had this dog named Chloe, right? and she was BEAUTIFUL. Tall, but rather anarexic cuz we never really made her eat her meals on time until we got Mackey. lol well... more HE made her eat on time by eating her food if she left it alone.
ANYWAYS, so, she died not too long ago of cancer...* pauses to hold back tears* R.I.P..... and I was thinking the other night how similar we are and how I kinda started feeling dead around the time she passed away. It's kinda scary how similar we are.... personality wise..... looks even..... I mean seriously. I even made a list. lol

1: we both dislike my step dad. She always ran around and skulked just around the corner and growled at him when he came over. I avoid getting within two feet of him at all costs.
2: we're both fairly obedient. most of the time, she'd do as she was told, and most of the time I do what I'm told. As long as it's someone who holds alpha points in my head. If not, sorry no dice. :3
3: We both have this habbit of "stealing" from our own kitchens. Whenever we'd leave something out on the counter, Chloe would go over, jump up, and eat it the moment she thought we weren't paying attention. lol I sneak around my kitchen and munch on whatever I feel like. ( sneaking especially when it's something that I'm not sure is being saved for dinner or what.)
4: We're both rather shy. She was always a little wary of new people, but as soon as someone I know seems comfortable with them, I cool down and relax too.
5: We're both naturally blonde. She had the most beautiful fur.... altho she shedded a lot. lol I loved her anyways. :3 *tear*
6: We're both friendly. We both love new people once we're comfortable. if we meet them in a setting that we're at home in, say my gramma's house, we're both more social and find it easier to get used to the person.
7: We're both very loving. Chloe, out of all my dogs, was the most loving dog I ever had. I cried a couple times, and both times she came over to me and started licking my cheeks and kinda whimpering at me, and trying to get me to play with her. :3 it made me happy. ( cuz like ten seconds earlier she had been growling at Mack to let her sleep.) lol
8: We're both all bark and no bite. I don't even remember how many times she growled at me, or how many things she tried to keep from me, but she never bit me. I could just reach right under her nose and take whatever it was back and she's just quit growling and look away. lol She almost bit my gramma once cuz she reached for something, but she never tried to bite me.... and I'm not dangerous except when I'm PMSing. lol THEN you can watch your back with good reason. other than that tho.... I'm all bark and no bite. :3
9: I started feeling dead around the time she died. I was always tired, always bored, didn't want to talk, didn't want to sleep, didn't want to do anything really.... just wanted to... be.
10: We both want WHAT we want WHEN we want it. lol gramma spoiled us both. :3 Always gave us what we wanted.
11: We both love to run. :3 you'd never know it from meeting me and hanging out with me right NOW, but dude, get me somewhere that's rather cool in temperature, at night, and give me a reason.... I am GONE!! lol and Chloe loved to go on runs with my grampa, and go on bike rides cuz we all rode our bikes really really fast. :3
12: We both got rather lazy at about the same rate as we got older. lol as I started getting less energetic, she started getting less energetic.
13: We both love attention, altho from talking to me or anything you'd never know it cuz of the way I deflect almost every bit that comes my way. lol
14: We both get excited when we see squirrels. X3 every time I see a squirrel, it's in my blood to point and shout " SQUIRREL!!! RICKY SQUIRRELL!" ( I had a friend named Ricky who was very hyper-squirrel like when my sister and I gave him our energy drink mixes.... lol X3)
15: We both loved it when my friend Dylan came. Whenever I heard Dylan was coming over, I got REALLY excited, and then when he'd get there, Macky didn't seem to like him too much at first, but Chloe and I were always right next to him when he came. :3 She would jump on him, and I would ask what he wanted to play while we waited for it to be his turn for Piano lessons. ( my gramma is a piano teacher. She taught me, Dylan, and his older sister piano.)

But you see why my fursona is called Chloe? She and I were one and the same.... with the slight difference of species... but gramma always said she thought she was human, and I've always thought I was a dog..... So yeah. In honor of Chloe, I am now Chloe. I even have her tags on my collar. :3 <3
So yeah. R.I.P sweet Chloe..... I'll miss you always. *sniffs her collar* it still smells like her... even has a few clumps of her fur attached. <3 gramma saw me string at it one night while I was there this summer and told me to take it home with me just before I asked. She's a mind reader, I swear! lol


<3 <3 <3 <3 Chloe <3 <3 <3 <3

Moving.... is..... a PAIN IN MY ASSS!!!!!!! I hate moving so much..... being timid sux horribly when being introduced into new environments.... * closes eyes, cringes and puts tail between legs* very not fun..... but going from being a freshman in highschool to a sophmore at senior level will be.... interesting. lol and living in a smaller town with hopefully nicer people would be good. and going to a small school !!! :D big schools... I get lost in.... funny tho that it's so much easier to get lost in urban areas. lol :3

this place is pretty kool. I like showing people my art work.... and having them read and comment on my stories..... :) is fun. I love getting people's different opinions on my various works.... :) very very fun.... XD idk I'm rather bored... and feel like writing......