Well, once again was brushed aside for something after waiting 3 months...honestly don't know why I'm writing this seeing as 90% of the time no one gives a shit to read these things. Really I'm sick of being ignored or brushed aside for others...I like Summer Bunny and others but deep down I can't fucking stand how they do things and the people that just kiss their feet...so I'm fucking done. I have far too much stress right now with my grandmother in the hospital to really deal with this crap....maybe I'll take some time off but I don't see that changing anything here as for me nothing here has changed, not with the people anyway.

Oh boy...here we go again... I really do wish I could catch a break and write happy journals like I did when I got EDF. Now this isn't to say everything is overly bad right now, things are so so but just too much going on. For starters my family's health has not been so great as of late as my grandmother has been in the hospital 3 times now over the past 2 months after a heart attack, doesn't help she's diabetic, and then my dumbass uncle also had a heart attack a few weeks ago yet he's still wanting to push his luck by going right back to work and wanting to work in the yard while its over 90 degrees outside with humidity. Now I can handle that stuff, have been for...well...a VERY long time and its an every day thing but then the online stuff happens again...just..jeez.

As anyone saw in my last journal someone I thought was my friend who I stuck up for meany times when people got overly nasty with her flat out turned on me at the drop of a hat...really don't know why I keep getting so much drama and bullshit when I get online and to top it all off I still see I'm in the shadows of others if not more than before. People like Green and Summer Bunny, mostly Summer, here on FA get free art like mad just for having alot of nude art...do I dislike Green and Summer? Hell the fuck no. Green is one of my best online friends and while Summer hardly ever talks to me I don't dislike her...I'm just REALLY sick of everyone drooling over her and others for one nude pick and the few I do get (money is a problem for commissions but also because those that are nice enough to do gifts for me don't like to do nude or adult art) are pretty much ignored. Now I know what you're thinking, thats just how things on FA are...and you are SO right, you mostly get ignored unless you have alot of nude art..but now I'm getting the same BS on DA but in another way. See while on FA its all about the nude art in the lil boxing nich, well it seems on DA unless you have topless japanese school girls or overly buff guys (yes there are lots of anthros) then you are ignored. Even my own work is ignored and not even some of my friends really look at it let alone comment.

Really in the end of all this, I DON'T want to be overly popular. Green is and she hasn't been able to post anything in god knows how long because she has to reply to every comment, shout, and fave she gets on FA and DA (because she's that nice) However I would like to be like...I don't know...get in between all this, get more faves and nice comments to balance out the crap I normally get. I mean I went 2 years on DA getting notes from strangers DEMANDING Tammy be killed just because they didn't like her in some gift art a friend did a long while back. So yeah, I don't want people kissing the ground I walk on, my own works are NOT nearly that good but I would like things to be a little better. I'm no super star like Green or Summer but I'm pretty sick and tired of being overlooked for them and a few others.

Well...the past few weeks have been nothing but stress for me with my grandmother in the hospital and my dumbass uncle being stupid and going across town in the middle of the night just for his crappy car to die on him...my grandmother is finely out of the hospital so that's good but I've been the only one taking care of her during the day while my mother is working...my lazy ass uncle won't do a god damn thing but sleep eat and watch TV...now I have no car. We had to lend him mine until he thinks about fixing his own, told him 3 DAYS ago to put gas in the tank as he burned alot of it up, asshole likes to speed. He finely went and got gas just an hour ago at god damn midnight...and oh lucky day, seems someone strung out on drugs thought it would be fun to throw a brick at my car so I now have no back window. Now...this would not have happned if my family had listened to me when I said I would put gas in the take the other day while I was shopping...but no, jackass uncle told me to rush so he could get to work that he's always late to anyway so he wouldn't let me spend 5 fucking minutes putting gas in the car...safe to say I'm fucking pissed off at the world right now and waiting for whatever the fuck the world wants to throw at me next.

Also, will slowly be moving my stuff over to Weasyl as I don't want to deal with the bullshit thats going to happen thanks to FA being sold to the money grubbing suits of IMVU.

I'm sorry to those I need to reply to in notes, things have just been very stressful with my grandmother in the hospital. I'm mostly just trying to keep myself from flipping my lid at anyone so bare with me for a bit till things settle down.

what the fuck has been going on? I just looked at my faves and saw a truck load were gone. Doesn't help that with all the nice "updates" FA was given it still won't tell you who's images were pulled down and won't just take them out of your faves rather than leaving those stupid gray boxes you have to go though and trash one by one. Really guys running FA, that needs changed BIG TIME. Anyways..if anyone knows if anyone has trashed their account from drama or something I would like to know as I spent an hour cleaning out those shitty gray boxes.

Right now...I'm overly tired and stressed out to the point it was hard for me to drive today. I've had 5 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours as my grandmother is in the hospital...I'll get with you people when I'm not ready to snap.

I can rarely get any commissions as money is very tight for me...and will be fore a while...but right now there are two very good artists that could use some love and they are SO worth it. DemonNyuuhere on FA is one hell of a sweet girl and a killer artist. She makes some of the cutest, creepy, and badass things you can think of. Hell you can give her just a little consept and she'll work with you to come up with something great and for a very nice price. The other is Corrupted-Moochmore seen on DA and she is also one hell of an artist with prices that won't make your wallet die. She's working on moving out of an apartment and hoping to get herself her own house so any little bit will help for that or just help cover some other costs. Both these girls are well worth your time and any little money you might have, both are really nice and alot of fun to talk to so I advise anyone that is looking for a commission be it a sketch, ink, color, or a full on comic to talk to one of these girls when you get the time ^_^

Well, things are slowly starting to settle down for the time being. Stress here has gone down as well as DA after dealing with some stalkers trying to get me angry and banned for their own fun. Work on DA is slowing as I've got a good bit of it done and been relaxing with Destiny and Hyruel Warriors. Hopefully things will be back in full swing sooner or later.

Just like the title says...seems I can't go a week without messing something up. I really pissed of someone because I was hung up on something. Saying I'm sorry doesn't cut it, never dose. I really am honestly ready to give it up on FA and DA, just seems if people aren't fucking things up for me I'm doing it myself as I don't know when to shut up.

EDIT: Took down the link as it was disrespectful of me...and stupid like always.

Mkay, as most know I got a crap ton of things going on in my life. My mother's shoulder operation went very well and oddly enough she came move her arm quite well in just half a month while others are still in a sling. Doesn't mean she's up to par yet as it will still be like 3 or 4 months before that but its a start. My uncle after being shot in the leg is walking around fine and went right back to work the moment he tossed a cruch aside....fucking stupid as he's still in pain and to add to problems he now has an infected tooth and ear infection...the man just won't take care of himself and won't save up money to do so. So with all that he's been dumping everything on me and acting like I never done a god damn thing in my life, I mean really. I sit down to play a game after doing a bunch of yard work all day, shopping, and other things and he bitches at me to do the dishes after HE made a fucking mess...fucking fat bastard... Well...even with that I STILL got work online as well. Still doing those OCT things with myself in the freaking finals for a change, I mean holy shit, how the fuck did that happen? So, working my ass off with that along with being a judge in one..that isn't fun as some people think its okay to break fucking rules and argue with me...little prick...and if all that isn't enough, now I got a fucking stalker on DA. Someone, most likely some shit I argued with in the past, butted into a argument I had with the one rule breaker talking shit about me and pretty much tossing a threat at me. I blocked the little prick and guess what...they closed their account and opned up a new one just to fuck with me some more! I blocked them again and now they are going around telling people I talk to in OCT stuff that I'm evil, everyone I talk to online are not my friends, that all I want to do is argue with people, and blah blah blah. This shit...got me pissed. So yeah, got alot of work going on, dealing witha fat bastard, and a little prick.

Okay...seeing as I got into an argument with someone as they just didn't seem to get it and missunderstood everything I was saying thinking I was only pissed off to not get free art...no my art from anyone for me for a while okay. I have alot going on in my life, alot of it not good and I don't need this happening again to the point I want to shoot myself.

Few people have asked why I've been extra moody and angry lately, why I've been more stressed than normal. Well for starters people have said I need to stop writing so meany depressing journals saying whats wrong...and yet now they are wanting to know whats wrong, go figure. First need to get this out of the way, to kangaroo-jacksorry my last journal sounded spiteful, was not ment to be. We are square on things but there are still some things from the past roblem that still bother me. I'll try to keep quiet more.

As for whats been up with my attitude, a LOT of bad things have happned this past month and by bad I mean really bad. To start the month off my mother was supposed to get arm surgery...but they kept pushing her back over and over again, the last time they had to because the dumbass nurse that calls in and orders prosthetics...she FORGOT to call in and order what my mother needed even when she had already been prepped and we waited for 5 freaking hours. She JUST had her surgery this week..but theres more. Just before that right after we found the kittens (pictures in my scraps) my uncle was robbed and shot as he was closing up shop for the night, shot in the thigh. Thankfully it missed anything big but it tore up his muscles so he'll be on cruches for a year. A little after that but a before the surgery problem...my damn care was broken into twice. The first time it was in a parklinglot and my mother forgot to lock the doors, all they took was all the change we had in the car..but that was like $30 in change. Two days later, was robbed again as my grandmother didn't close her door all the way so it didn't lock...and they took what change was left and this was at my house. So yeah, all that has me stressed but then two things online happned to put the cherry ontop. One of them I won't go over as its sort of settled now but one...I just can't let go. Someone on DA and FA gets LOTS of free art, mostly because they go around asking for it and alot of it is of their recolor characters or of Green Legend..well thats all fine and dandy, no problem there...but this is where things change. An artist got something just a tiny bit wrong in a discripion for their art so polightly I corrected them minding my manners...the person getting the art got snippy with me and said I was wrong. I said no, have logic to back up my clame but I wasn't going to argue about it...they got ugly with me and blocked me, THEN they had the balls to write up a DA journal, linking to my page, talking trash about me, and saying they were going to make me wish I had never got on DA or FA... Safe to say that pissed me off.

So there you have it, thats why I've been stressed, I've had alot happen to me and I've had a ton of work dropped on me all in such a short time. As for the good, well only two good things have happned. In one of those OCT contests, I've somehow made it to the finals. Also, Mary, Tammy, and maybe a few others will be guest stars in an up coming boxing comic on DA.

Lately life has been very bad..yes I know I gripe too much but...well...tough, its this or I keep it all bottled up inside so the outcome is bad both ways. Sens the start of this year my mother has needed to have arm surgery due to the bone in her shoulder messing up and slowly breaking apart...forgot the med term for it...anyways, she's been out of work for a month now while waiting on the stupid ass doctors as they kept pushing it back so we have no income...and last week my uncle was shot while he was leaveing work. He's doing okay, was shot in the leg with it missing the bone and artery but he'll be on cruches for nearly a year due to muscle damage...so I'm doing the work for 4 people...its alot...ontop of all that nothing online has changed. I want to put the NFSW thing out of my head but sadly I can't as I was very hurt, no one really came to help me when I tried to help others, speaking up for them when they were upset and angry about things but when I needed help I was left to do things on my own...or just got the usual "Sorry, don't know what to say" or "I don't want to deal with any drama" but they were fine to compalin to me about it. I'm still ignored by alot of people due to not being super populer like Summer or Green and on DA its almost worse with people attacking me for petty stupid reasons or just killing what little fun I have... I don't like bitching like this...I REALLY don't...but honestly it seems to be the only way people listen to me. I talk nicely to some people and again I'm ignored...its only when I'm upset or really angry that everyone seems to pay any attention to me and I don't like that...

RL and things on DA have been taking alot of my time and still are...plus I'm still really not happy with alot of things here. Stuck in the shadows of some people I think of as friends, been stabbed in the back, used as a scapegoat for others to avoid trouble, and some people just saying nothing while I'm put down by others but still say we're friends...all in all I'm not really happy here. I'm very sure this will come bite me in the ass much like nearly everything I do dose but it was eather speaking my mind or keeping things bottled up, both not being the best thing for me. I'm dealing with alot of RL stress more so than ever right now but honestly wish there had been some things here I wish had not happen and some people had not acted they way they did to make things so stressful. I'm sure some of you, atleast one I can think of, are just thinking "You brought it all on yourself" and to that I say no. Something negative has to happen to me to end up like this and I DON'T go looking for it so for the love of god stop thinking that about me...and you know who you are that thinks that about me. I'll still be around...but still won't be as active as I used to be, not until some things change for the better.

Due to FA not liking the file types I can't post the pictures here so I'll have to settle for a link. If you have a DA account go ahead and vote, if not then just say it here. Mary is getting a new outfit but so far came up with 6 color styles for it but can't deside on the main one (all will be used, not like she has to wear the same thing in fights ALL the time) but a main one to use more.

http://blaze150.deviantart.com/jour...../poll/4521075/

Will be tossing up a few things I've been holding on to just to show I'm alive...but still really busy untill a much later date.

Yeah...still got alot on my plate...but things seem okay. For the first time EVER, I wasn't cheated in a contest (OCT for some that know me) before round 3. Infact I somehow made it into the semi finals. The next round is due by the end of next month but given who I'm dealing with...coming up with a compelling story is harder than ever so things are going to be slow as hell until I can jot something down and turn it in.

Sorry to those that talk to me and such, things have just been...very busy and hecktic for me for some time now due to RL drama, online, and computer problems.

Well with the talk of shitty groups and asshole people behind, talk to go over something better...surprised you huh?

Not to long ago I got the game One Piece: Pirate Warriors, its a take on the growing series of Dynasty Warriors sept this one is set in the One Piece world. While some will call these games mindless button mashers (keep your halo and monderwarfar away from me XC ) these games are still fun as hell. They usually have good story, some really damn kickass rock music and its fun being a single guy beating the crap out of nearly 1,000 guys back to back with your bare hands...plus its One Piece so that right there makes it even better!

The other game I got was Earth defense Force 2015, or as all the MPCs that help you say, meany meany times I might add, EDF! Oh god, this is the third game in a series that is so bad its good, and when I mean good I mean fucking epic good. Its all about aliens trying to take over the world letting loose giant bugs and robots and all you can do is shoot at them...with some of the most destructive guns you can ever find! Really, some of these guns make the ones in Borderlands 2 look like toys with how much boom they are packing. The whole game is like an old B sifi movie and they so let you know, what with the funny dubbing at times and the really stupid science...I mean really, later on your fighting dragons and the scientist says they evolved from the giant bugs. How do you go from a bug to a flying reptile? I have no fucking idea but who cares, so much shit to blow up!

Had a little time to myself to get some things done but still have alot on my plate that I need to work on but hey, was able to snag two new games that are pretty damn good. Earth Defense Force 2025 and One Piece Pirate Warriors both for the PS3. Whats better than shooting giant bugs robots and aliens then chilling and beating the crap out of some pirates as Luffy? Anyways, yeah I still got alot of things on DA I have to finish that are due in April so things are...lil stressed, mostly because of one project but I got that done so the rest shouldn't be so bad.

Now, on to the thing thats been bugging me a little. Last month I left a group here on FA because of some shitty things, mostly the owner showing he's a jackass but this is my opinion and everyone has those like everyone has an ass. My problem was the guy flat out knew there were blareingly bad problems but refused to deal with them. I gave him very VERY simple ideas to help fix the problems but he wanted things his way or no way, thus the problems grew yet he still things everything is going just great. After that he jumped on my case over something very small and petty, getting very nasty with me calling me ungreatful dispite he KNEW very well I was extreamly busy and then after I calmed down and tried to talk it out he wanted me to color a picture for him and then everything would be under the bridge..but turnes out that was a lie and he just wanted it done for free and nothing would have changed.

Now with the thing I needed to collect my thoughts on...besides that group that, that was just a failing pile a crap anyway, owner can say how much of a bombshell it is but when people find out how much of a prick he is and will snap at them the moment they stop doing what he likes then they'll learn...um...anyways. This conserns mysteryfanboy91's Eddie III (E3 for short), Kentaro21's Brittney, and Meagan who I co own with daiger This one...I'm still not very sure about. RPed with Ken for god knows how long...god did we get lost in it, and a while back I admit felt left out when Meagan was put aside for Brittney to be E3's main squeeze so...I guess I did start to push for them to be in a three way relationship and that was highly wrong of me and I'm really sorry to you guys. What dose that mean for later on? Well...I really have no idea myself, I'm up for ideas from you guys and will go with what you think is cool. If changes are needed then so be it, just don't want to push the wrong buttons again. You guys and a good few others have actually got to know me or tried while the others, talked about above, have only focused on the bad things witch we ALL have...we're human after all...or some say we're pokemon...whatever! Point is I know I fucked up and want to fix that.

All in all, got kickass games to chill with, getting some needed work done, said group in FA sucks, sorry to my friends...and...I think that gets everything.

As of right now I'm takeing an extended leave from FA for a while. Alot of bad things have happned I don't want to talk about and I made a friend feel uneasy. I might pop on and look around but thats about it until I feel like things are better.

Well my new laptop bit the big one. Screen, speakers, fan, nothing turns on at all...so I'm on my OLD laptop to post this journal...but my ucnle uses it most of the time. I don't know when I'll have a new laptop...weeks or months...none the less it pisses me off seeing as I had stuff on it I might lose if it can't be fished out of the hard drive.

Well lately I've been on an adopt kick for the past few months, have 4 new characters, two of them are staying on DA for the time being. Furry wise I have a primeape girl that needs a name an outfit as seen here http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10795710/ and an elephant I got off of DA just last month that needs a name and maybe a change in her outfit http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11562305/

Well...today my mother and I took Jasmine down to a place to be cremated and placed in a bamboo box as we didn't have enough money for a silver jar...but I put what money I had into getting a dogtag with Jasmine's pawprint on it to keep on me at all times. I stayed up most of the night thinking I was just having a bad dream but...its all real and she's gone...Jasmine was 12 years old this year in April...

Just a few moments ago...August 11 2013 at 9:15PM EST...my golden retriever Jasmine who I loved so dearly...as passed on. I've been so depressed with everything in my life and angry as well...but she always made me feel so much better... She was really the last little joy I had left..and now she's gone... I'll never forget you Jasmine...

PS: If anyone says I'm doing this for sympathy...you can go fucking rot in hell.