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Posted 11 years agoSo my birthday is coming up soon. It's going to be really depressing considering my Grandparents aren't alive. This will be the second birthday I've had without them. The first one was last year and they were both looking extremely forward to celebrating it as it was also the first night of Hanukkah. (Yes, I'm Jewish.) That hadn't happened since I was three years old. This year my birthday is Thanksgiving day. Thanksgiving used to be such a big deal in my house hold. My mother and grandmother would spend the whole day cooking dinner for us to have it at 6:30. This year, that won't happen. The smells of the food and the laughter won't be there. It's really hard for me to grasp all this because my grandparents passed last year. My birthday has sadly become a miserable experience since they've gone. So honestly, I don't really want to celebrate it...whoopie I'm gonna be 23...big deal.Furgather!
Posted 11 years ago http://www.furgather.com/UmiSirios
http://www.furgather.com/UmiSirios
http://www.furgather.com/UmiSirios
Please feel free to friend me!ehhh
Posted 11 years agoI hate seeing drama...really hate it. It makes me super depressed and to the point I don't want to communicate with anyone involved in it. I keep thinking about how people need to act like adults...but I don't half the time so I'm a hypocrite if I say it. I guess I'll just hide in the corner like I always do and hope people don't hate me....Misrable
Posted 11 years agoSo I haven't really discussed anything lately with anyone. I've been in a very bad state of depression as of late. It only got worse due to some horridly bad news. My mother recently got a new job after losing her old one due to her health. (She tried suing, the HRC wouldn't do it due to who the company is.) Anyway, we just got told that starting very soon she will not be allowed to work but 25 hours a week because cooperate does not want to pay for health insurance for part time employees due to Obamacare. The only way she would be able to get to work more hours is if she became management and that isn't likely. We are starting to become more and more strapped for cash. I was actually supposed to get two kittens this week but now my mom doesn't think we can afford to have them. I applied for a job but I don't think my mental state is where it should be for a job... I have been trying for months and months to get a therapist with no avail. I even did a stint in a mental health ward because I got to rock bottom. I'm starting to fall back there again and I just don't know what I can do to help my mother....I feel...like I am failing her as a daughter.Livestream~
Posted 11 years agoGoing to livestream myself playing The Sims 4! Open to anyone who wants to come.
http://www.livestream.com/ladyvalentine
http://www.livestream.com/ladyvalentine
Signal Boost
Posted 11 years agoThis time around I am promoting a wonderful and amazingly talented artist. They have $15.00 full body arts up for grabs. The money is going towards their bills and their food. Please check them out and commission them.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6083726/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6083726/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6083726/
Shit my boyfriend says
Posted 11 years ago I'm just going to record all the things he says while super super tired. It's rather hysterical.
This is like some sort of drunkness affect.
Look there's hearts on my game thingy computer menu, OFF WITH THEIR HEARTS!!
I'm not going to remember any of these tomorrow am I?
My Salamander is penis.
What are you writing doug and his secret journal?
Oh look it's a goblin on a bat!
I think I'm funnier on paper, screen thing, internet page!
I was going to say something but then I was like, don't quote me on that.
OH look there's fireworks, they're like boom booms in the sky! Uh-Oh baby made a boom boom!
Someone call Arkham, Quick!
Satan is my best friend, he gives me free pitchforks.
I have given a name to my pain, DOLPHINS! They're all full of shit.
I'm a regular quote machine, I mean fortune cookie.
You know I got a new prescription from my doctor, Dr. Martini.
I was gonna say Abraham Lincon's beaver, you know that sort of thing.Wondering
Posted 11 years ago I've started to wonder a lot of things lately. I look around at various things and think to myself how certain things can come across. People can say one thing to you but their actions show other things. Sometimes I feel like all I'm good for is being there when people want me around. I feel like it doesn't matter if I'm around or not. I can help out when someone needs it but that's it. Maybe I should stop helping out. If people wonder if their actions on certain things hurt me, they fucking do. I take in things and take them extremely personal. I have always taken things personally when I feel certain ways. I am tired of feeling used and abused. I just want to know the people I care deeply about care deeply about me. If they don't, then I wish they would just say it to my face instead of making me wonder.hnn
Posted 11 years agoAgain I feel like I don't matter to people. I wish I could shake these feelings but I can't. I don't know what is wrong with me and why I continually feel this way. I wonder sometimes if I really matter to people as much as they say I do. Sometimes I just feel so used and unappreciated...I wish I could stop this...I wish I could shake this...HELP OUT A WONDERFUL ARTIST!
Posted 11 years agoMy wonderful friend needs commissions because her rent is due! Check out her journal for some YCHs and give her commissions! DO IT!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6052868/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6052868/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6052868/
eh
Posted 11 years ago I feel like a horrible person and a horrible friend. Maybe I should just stop caring all together. Maybe I should stop trying to help people. I'm wondering if I should just become a selfish individual and never show an ounce of care for anyone else. My supposed "bleeding heart" can only take so much pain.Throwing my hat into the ring
Posted 11 years agoOkay so lately I've seen a fuck ton, and I mean a fuck ton of drama surrounding certain topics. The two topics being Suicide and depression. I myself suffer from Major Severe Depressive disorder. (Yes I have paperwork with the diagnosis, no I don't care if you believe me.)
I have been affected by both depression and suicide throughout my lifetime. (My mother tried to commit suicide, my best friend tried twice. A girl I used to know from a doll collecting group actually hung herself.) Depression and suicide are not a joke. Nor should they ever be treated as such. People deal with depression and suicide in different ways. No one should be condemned for how they handle it.
People don't realize the power of their words or the power of their opinions. Telling someone to, "just go kill yourself," isn't funny. It isn't cute, and it isn't nice. In fact, if someone does commit suicide because you were the "last nail in the coffin," so to speak, then it's just as bad as if you pulled the trigger, kicked the chair out from under them, or did what ever it was that they did to kill themselves.
People with suicidal tendencies often don't talk about them. The reason being, no one will believe them or might even MOCK them. If someone does talk about it, they aren't looking for attention. They are looking for HELP. The subconscious mind will often do things that the conscious mind will not. If someone truly wants help, they will reach out in different ways. They might leave a suicide note, talk about it to a few friends, or even go so far as to say, "well maybe I should just kill myself." I'm not saying everyone will do these things, nor am I saying this is the norm.
To be honest, most who are going to carry it out, won't talk about it because often they've made peace with it. Wanting to commit suicide isn't selfish. No, it's far from it in the mind of those who think about it. They are thinking of the ONLY way they know how to end the pain and suffering they are in. I, for one will condemn anyone who considers this a selfish act. If someone is suffering so horridly that they see no other way but the release of death, then that is a very very heartbreaking thought to me.
Not everyone thinks alike. However if someone is discussing suicide or writing letters/notes that seem suicidal in nature...well that is a big cry for HELP. It's not a cry for pay attention to me!!! How dare anyone think that way at all. That's a disgusting thing to think.
Anyone who uses suicide or depression for attention also needs serious help in my mind. That means something is going on internally with them too.
In Middle school I was a cutter. I told some friends of mine, not to seem cool or for attention. I told them because my subconscious said, please help me, I am suffering. My friends found a teacher of mine and told them. That teacher then in turn called my mother who took me to my therapists office right away. I could have very easily hid this from people if I didn't want the help. The thing is, I DID.
To reiterate, Depression and suicide are not a joke. They are not something anyone should take lightly or joke about at all. If someone is talking about suicide or showing signs of being suicidal, they want help. They don't want you to condemn them or say they are asking for attention.
If you or someone you know is suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts please consider getting professional help or using the links below to help you.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline This hotline has trained professionals that are there to talk to you and help you through whatever is troubling you. They are there to help and this is a completely anonymous place to call.
List of Suicide Crisis hotlines This list is for those who do not live within the United States and require someone to talk to. I believe all of these are toll free and open 24/7. I might be mistaken but do consider looking.
7 Cups of Tea This website is a site that is completely free, completely anonymous and has people willing to talk to you. All conversations are deleted upon the exiting of the chat. There is no time limit and these people are extremely friendly. I have used this site to help me on days when I feel extremely depressed or have been faced with difficult situations I couldn't handle alone.
Hannah out.Kay so...
Posted 11 years ago I have been watching this amazing adoptable artist who puts their heart and soul into their adopts. This person has been super nice and really wonderful to deal with. The sad thing is, their adopts don't seem to sell well. So I'm signal boosting for this lovely individual! Please go check out their adopts, share to your friends, maybe buy one? I got one and I love him to pieces. I purchased my beloved Daven from them!!! Go look!!!!
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/solar-paragon/
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/solar-paragon/
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/solar-paragon/
F5 for
Posted 11 years ago Press f5 for Umi sweaterness!
HELP AN ARTIST OUT
Posted 11 years ago Okay guys, so my friend is trying to save up enough money to go to a convention that is this month on the 22nd. Please go commission her! She makes really cute art and I have a few pieces from her in my gallery! She also doesn't charge a lot!!!! GO HELP HER!
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/pveather/
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/pveather/
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/pveather/
Well...
Posted 11 years ago I've realized all I really do is complain in my journal. I'm sure people don't want to see it. I understand that totally. The reason I do it is to get it off my chest honestly. I don't care if people read it to be honest. I was never one to write diaries or anything like that. I feel better knowing maybe someone out there is reading my words. Anyway, I suppose onto the things Hannah wants to complain about today.
The thing I want to really talk about is my fibromyaliga. I have been suffering from it since junior year of High school. I got diagnosed formally with it in senior year. As years have progressed, it has gotten worse. I can not take any of the FDA approved drugs for it because they are all ones I am allergic to. The one medication I can take, my doctor refuses to prescribe.
I've been living off advil liquid gels but those don't cut it. I've noticed as of late it has manifested very painfully in my spine and knees. In fact the pain has been so bad I have wanted to cry. There are days I can't move at all without my mother's help. I have literally fallen to the ground from pain and unable to even do the simple task of making it to the bathroom. (My bathroom is literally cross adjacent to my room.)
Simple tasks such as washing my hair, brushing my teeth, combing my hair, even putting on clothes are all difficult. I just wish there was a cure for this disease, but sadly there is not. There are also doctors who still don't believe this illness exists, they call it a trash diagnosis when they can not find a real reason for your suffering.
Doctors need to realize this illness is real. I had a doctor who kept trying to say I was school phobic because he refused to believe in Fibromyalgia. For those who don't know what this illness is, it is chronic wide spread pain due to over active nerve endings. It is not a fun illness and it is not one I would wish on anyone.
Well my rant is done, if anyone took the time to read this, thanks I suppose. done
Posted 11 years ago [♥Husbando♥: 
]
I am just done with everything. My mother made me feel like a complete failure in her eyes. She basically said without saying she hates my mate. She has pretty much confirmed she doesn't understand me or my mental issues. Tonight has been a horrible night. I've cried my eyes out to the point they're puffy and hurt. She says she wants to understand, yet treats me like a child because oh dear lord, I don't do anything. That's not true. She also told me that the dog she wanted originally is now my soul responsibility. I'm doing the best I can with what I've got right now, but apparently my best isn't good enough for her.
Hannah, out.
[Waifu and best friend: 
]
slumps
Posted 11 years ago [♥Husbando♥: ]
I swear, I'm having a hell of a time finding the two things on my list of character wants still. I wonder if it's too much to ask for a good looking naga male and a good looking dinosaur male. I suppose it is. The things I do see, just don't interest me or make me go, ooh I need that. I'll keep searching though, trying not to give up hope for finding it. Ah well, back to looking more. -scurries off-
[Waifu and best friend: ] Happy Shark Week~
Posted 11 years ago [♥Husbando♥: ]
Happy Shark week everyone! Hope you all enjoy Shark week and Kohana promises he's not going to attack anyone! He just wants to go surfing!
[Waifu and best friend: ]mm candles
Posted 11 years ago
[♥Husbando♥: ]
A few days ago I ordered candles from this company called Diamond Candles. They are candles that smell wonderful but also contain an awesome prize, a ring! The ring can range anywhere from 10.00 USD to 5,000 USD. Yeah, I was skeptical at first but after reading the website and how the ring is protected, I decided to go for it. I currently have two candles from them, a watermelon scent and a cinnamon bun scent. I've currently only been burning the watermelon one and it smells just like watermelon. It's really lovely and gives a nice aroma to my house. I can't wait to see the ring I got inside of it. I plan on ordering other scents in the future. If anyone's interested, I can give you a link to them!
[Waifu and best friend: ]sigh
Posted 11 years ago
[♥Husbando♥: ]
I feel really bad right now. I discovered that the harness we bought my dog was rubbing her raw and caused injuries to underneath her front legs. It was so bad in some places she was lacking hair.
I feel like a horrible owner, even though I didn't know. I am not even sure she's happy with me.
She kept running and hiding in a corner after I discovered it. I got a few licks but nothing like she normally does. I don't even know now...I just feel really miserable.
[Waifu and Best Friend: ]Stupid People
Posted 11 years ago [♥Husbando♥: ]
Some people can be such fucking idiots. They love to cause drama where there is none. People can make up some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard and think it's okay. You want to say shit about me? Come at me Bro. Just fucking do it. I'll put you in your place again. I'm not afraid to. I've done it before and I will do it again. You think you're so slick? Well guess what? You aren't. You're a fucking moron. That's what you are. You're a user, abuser, and a jerk. No ONE can really stand you.
[Waifu and Best Friend: ]Groan
Posted 11 years agoI hate being frustrated to no end. I keep trying to find a good Snake and a good Dinosaur adopt to be characters of mine and I have no luck. I guess it's too much to ask for a male dinosaur or a male snake to show up that I like? Bleeehh.
Ugh...
Posted 11 years agoDang it depression...stop making me feel like I am a bother or a burden to people... I wish you'd just go away and let me be happy and not have such a horrible outlook on my life. I am tired of thinking these saddening thoughts that refuse to go away. Just once I'd like to return to the happy person I was. I am so sick and tired of not being happy. I keep trying to get happy and I do for a little while or so it seems, then poof, back to sad and depressed. I just want to be the person I was before all this again....it seems medication isn't cutting it anymore. Can't get therapy because stupid waiting list if you have state insurance in the united states. Sitting on a waiting list for 12 weeks doesn't help me get better people...it just makes me get worse. What does someone have to do to get people to realize they need serious help and can't wait? Ugh...I'm just going to crawl back into my hole and sit there in my misery.Fake your Death
Posted 11 years agoSome people watch
Some people pray
But even lights can fade away.
Some people hope
Some people pay
But why'd we have to stay?
'Cause even heroes
Get the blues
Or any misery you choose
You like to watch
We like to use
And we were born to lose
I choose defeat
I walk away
And leave this place
The same today
Some like to sleep
We like to play
Just look at all that pain
You want the heart
Or to be saved
But even good guys still get paid
So watch my back
And keep the blade
I think it got you laid
So fake your death
Or it’s your blame
And leave the lights on when you stay
Take off your clothes
And dream that fame
Come on and feel that shame
I choose defeat
I walk away
And leave this place
The same today
Some like to sleep
We like to play
Just look at all that pain
Just look at all that pain [3x]
Just give me all that pain [3x]
I choose defeat
I walk away
And leave this place
The same today
Some like to sleep
We like to play
Just look at all that pain
This song....it...I don't know I just feel like it seems to be fitting to myself and others sometimes.