Hey everyone, I am still alive, just creepin.

I decided against grad school. I got a job where I mostly play with dirt and people pay me for it.

Lately I have gotten into vector art. You can see an example here.

I have also gotten into making silly sketches and whatnot. I have not posted them here. I might make a web series comic out of them, we'll see.

A month from now I will be done with my undergraduate degree in Geologic Engineering. Immediately after that I will take the FE exam (hopefully pass) so I can start my career as an Engineering Intern. I really hope I can get a job to hold me over the summer. I think my best bet is an internship, but we'll see.

As for my Master of Science in Hydrology, I am hoping to get a minor in Civil Engineering as well with my focus being on soil/water interactions. My advisor said that is a niche skill set that may lock me into playing with dirt and water for the rest of my career. That sounds fucking awesome to me. xÞ

Anyway, I have another year to year and a half of full time school before I am done for good. Will I ever recover my social life I left behind when I started school? I think I have it sitting in storage somewhere...

I am at a crossroads. I graduate in May with a BS is Geologic Engineering. Do I go to work right away or do I continue on to earn my master of science in hydrology?


Fuck it, I'll earn my masters.

There is a duopoly of feelings when I think back to the year I finally left the army. A major contradiction plays out as it seems like it wasn't that long ago while also being longer than an eternity. I took time off, got a temporary summer job, then went back to school that fall. 2013 was pretty eventful. I got so caught up in school that I neglected other parts of my life. I fell out of the fandom, I lost touch with old friends, my world shrank to a small area around me, my social life basically died.

Well, here I am. On Thursday I will wrap up my summer semester. Towards the end of August I will begin my last year at the Colorado School of Mines. It has been among the most difficult and stressful endeavors I have ever taken on. There were numerous times when I felt like quitting, my pressed on either due to stubbornness or laziness, probably both. I still have my doubts about how I will continue after school. As far as the professional side goes, I do not think I will ever enter graduate school. I just do not have the funds, time, focus, or clear cut goal for that sort of thing. At this point I will be happy with graduating. I have yet to find anything within my field that I'm really interested in or good at. I'm really feeling the burden of my learning disabilities, I doubt typical engineering employers would want to hire me, so I will have to find my own way in life.

The only time I really enjoy geology is when I can show it to anyone who is curious about it. I was really sick of thinking about geology until I talked with an artist friend of mine. She is starting to incorporate gemstones into her paintings and we had a wonderful conversation about it. It is quite refreshing to have that. It is a shame that my classmates have such a different focus, it's hard for me to connect with them.

I am looking forward to graduating in May. It will be very nice to once again have time to interact with the furry community. Just a few more months and you all will have to once again put up with my silly ass on a regular basis. :Þ

I made a public chat group on telegram for anyone interested in geology and engineering subjects. If you're interested, check it out geologicalfoxy

I've been considering this for some time now. Blitzkrieg has always been an army based fursona which hasn't carried over well into civilian life. I need to shelve this one indefinitely.

Problem is, what is a good fit for me? I've always been fond of foxes, but in the furry world there is a lot of baggage associated with them that does not fit me.

Here is a list for what I am considering
Personality traits:

highly individual
high endurance

likes alone time
prefers close friends over large public events


I'm thinking perhaps a lynx. I'll develop other characters to fit various situations.

I don't know why, but this song gets to me every time.


https://youtu.be/y-JqH1M4Ya8

I am thinking about posting some of my homework for a few of my classes. I am thinking of starting with my Mechanics of Materials homework. My hopes is that I can show the problem itself, how I solve it, and some of the concepts being used. It involves a lot of algebra and physical applications.

Is anyone interested in seeing this?

I have hit that point in my life where I want to take in a young fur (18 -21 years old), help him out with life issues, and top him occasionally. I'd prefer a fellow student at my campus, but at this point anyone willing to improve themselves would do. Where the hell do I find someone like that? xÞ

Hey! Long see, no time. I got a new computer some time ago and I also forgot my password. I am posting this from my laptop which I rarely use. School has been busy and tough. I'm so busy that I have been neglecting my weightlifting routine. >.<

Anyways, I've been getting into classes directly related to my major. Last semester I learned of the many ways the Earth tries to kill people, such as sinkholes and rockfall. I went on a field trip across the state and learned more about the geology of Colorado in three days than I had ever learned before. I am currently learning Mineralogy, which I find very interesting. I have a stack of notecards with multi-tiered levels of organisation. I have been studying hard in that class and it is paying off. My peers all seem to think that I am among the best if not the top student in the class. \o/

I've been enjoying my engineering related classes too, such as Statics and Mechanics of Materials (current). The concepts are difficult and take time to understand, but damn is it a fun challenge! These basic classes have changed the way I look at man made structures. Everywhere I look I see reaction forces, moments, stress, strain, torque, etc. This ties in well with the geology classes where I see millions of years of change all around me, like reading a history book written in an ancient language.

I still drop by from time to time for smut, and sometimes friends drag me out to social situations. I went to the Wolf Den meet here in Denver a few weeks ago. It was nice to see familiar faces, but damn there are a lot of unfamiliar faces too. It is amazing what you can miss out on in a few years. Apparently there was some kind of nazi fur drama going on. lol, wtf is wrong with people? xD

I am not aware of any furries on my campus, but I am sure there are a few. Well, back into the void I go.

We all get caught up in the synthetic world built by man, be it the daily routine of work or the trivial drama of social media. For the most part we are able to press through these things without being too affected. However, taking a break from the realities of modern life can be quite refreshing and allow us to recharge before diving back in. The aesthetic is that which can bring us into a state of mind that is free from the daily grind. The aesthetic is subjective and differs for each person. Understanding yourself and your personal tastes will help you find what is and is not your personal aesthetics.

I recently finished a summer semester where I took a freshman geology course, performing remarkably well. I have a two week break before fall classes start and I decided to do an extended camping trip to the Great Sand Dunes in Colorado. The original plan was for light camping with a three mile hike over loose sand, arriving on Wednesday and remaining until Sunday. When we arrived the only campsites available were a half mile or nine mile hike. We chose the half mile hike which made the experience more relaxing than challenging. Being so close to our car and treated water, we decided to hike back for water instead of using our filter system. It also made hikes into the dunes more bearable as we could stop at the car for a rest before returning to camp.

We experimented with light gear this trip. I used my poncho and poncho liner I got from the army as my sleeping bag which worked pretty well at keeping me warm. I rented a foam sleeping pad which made the ground a bit more bearable. Cian rented a lightweight sleeping bag and an air pad which he said worked very well. We used an army laundry bag to put our food and other smellables out of reach of bears. The mosquitoes were annoying, but thanks to our cotton ribstop shirts and deet we did not get bit more than a few times. We used Under Armour heat gear as a base layer with the ribstop shirt and 5/11 ribstop pants as an outer layer. Being in the direct sun was slightly uncomfortable, but the clothing combination kept us very well protected from burns and bugs. Taking breaks in the shade was like sitting in an air conditioned room. It was fantastic.

Now for the aesthetic. From our camp we could look out into the dunefield which changed appearance depending on the time of day. The light tan look of mid day gave way to sharp contrasts of light and dark sands in the late afternoon before changing again to a burnt orange at sunset. The true scale of the dunes is relatively hidden until a reference such as a human is seen walking the field, being nothing more than a dot on a mound of quartz and feldspar. On a particularly windy evening we could see individual dunes over five kilometers away, the blowing sands reflecting the sunlight highlighting the peaks and the shadows cast by the dunes marking the eastern slopes. It was that which gave me the idea that from a distance, hell can be very beautiful (being in sand dunes during heavy winds really sucks). That night we went into the dune field, conditions were still windy, but the sky was clear. We watched sand being transported by wind as it swept across the fields, depositing in a very particular way. The clear sky revealed shooting stars of spectacular magnitude. Massive thunderclouds built up along the mountains to the east, dumping their moisture as the mountains forced the air up beyond the point where water could stay in vapor form. Occasional bolts of lighting lit up the clouds as if some photographer with a powerful flash were snapping shots. We had a half moon lighting up the land which made it somewhat easy to navigate, though we were unable to resolve objects more than ten meters away. The more normal people moving through the dunes at night heavily relied on their flashlights to move around. Because of this they could only see that which was lit directly in front of them. The intensity of their lights washed out the surrounding landscape illuminated by the moon. They were completely oblivious to the fact that Cian and I were only a few meters away from them, watching the group move around like mindless zombies. They talked continuously, never once being silent to observe the sound of the world around them. By their own actions, they built a barrier between themselves and the greater world around them.

During the day we would got to the creek that flows along the east side of the dunes and would watch the stream deposit and erode sediments along the bed. We dug holes to see how the creek was affected, how sediment deposits were changed. We noticed that others had built sandcastles some time before we showed up and were in a state of decay, much like ancient ruins that were abandoned centuries ago. We called these structures "failed civilizations" with the concept being that they struggled hard to delay the inevitable. Once abandoned, these structures revert back to the loose sand they once were, much like how our buildings will decay into nothing given enough time. We hiked into the grasslands, which most people avoid due to the lack of shade and distance from the main attractions, where we saw the circular rings around shoots of grass that were created as wind blew the grass around. The fecal deposits of owls dotted this area, being composed of rodent hair and bones. We came across an area with large rocks exposed at the surface which had been sandblasted smooth due to blowing sand impacting the exposed surfaces over hundreds if not thousands of years. A few of these rocks are now in my personal collection.

The geology of this area is extremely interesting. The western side of the San Luis Valley (the valley where the Sand Dunes are located) is where you will find the San Juan Mountains, a range of volcanic origin dating back to around 66 million years. The dark, fine sand that can be found in the dunes come from these mountains some 50 plus miles away. The eastern side of the valley is where you will find the Sangre-de-Cristo Mountains, a young mountain range with precambrian basement rock forming the core of the mountains and metamorphic rock of volcanic origin surrounding it. This range is geologically young, not uplifting until 5 million years ago. This range is still uplifting today, pushing east as the valley to the west sinks. The mountains rise sharply from the valley due to the normal fault. Going west from the peaks, you'll see a point where the steepness of the mountains give way to a shallow gradient stretching across the road and into the valley. These are alluvial fans made from the sediments eroded from the mountains. The basement rock which is exposed in the Sangre-de-Cristo mountains is more than 13,000 feet below the surface in the valley, buried by sediments which have deposited over millions of years as it sunk from the rifting of the Rio Grande. The lighter, course grain sand seen in the dunes are from the Sangre-de-Cristo mountains, which are right next to the dune field. Distance traveled by these grains makes a huge difference in their size, the further they travel the finer they get. The eastern side of the San Luis Valley is a closed basin, meaning that the water that flows in does not flow out. This makes agriculture on this side difficult as the water will get progressively saline if too much gets pumped out. The western side of the valley is drained by the Rio Grande river which allows heavy agricultural use of the land. The valley itself is a true desert as it gets an average of 8 inches of rain per year.

Armed with a map, compass, and a good view, I got a good sense of just how tiny and insignificant we are in comparison to the planet. Having only my own body to move around, it was humbling to experience how difficult it is to move distances that automobiles and pavement have made trivial. As I watched the sun set, I felt the wind blowing across my face. The heat that dumped into the valley pushed the air east to dump into the cooler valley to the east. When the energy of the sun was removed, the air that was displaced came rushing back into the valley, pulling in cold mountain air that was crisp and fresh.

Taking note of the smaller world around me, I watched ants foraging for food, picking up the mosquitoes I killed to feed the colony. I wondered what ant waste might look like before considering the possibility that the older worker/soldier ants probably fill up on waste before going away from the colony to die. The individuals of this colony have their own desires, but their individual will is superseded by the colony itself. Energy brought into the colony is converted into new ants which in a way serves as a reservoir that prevents it from being washed downstream. Dumping energy into this system, such as giving them a chunk of food, perturbs this system which may lead to a sudden increase in ants followed by a collapse afterwards. The colony will suffer, but it will survive. I wonder, if more eggs are laid than there is food available, will the surplus eggs be used as a food source? Are there any ant nerds that can fill me in on this?

Deer live in this area and they leave their marks on the plant life. One bush had evolved to grow berries around leaves with thorns. The berries are packed with seeds and are easily removed when ripe. The thorns need pressure to be effective, more than what it takes to remove the berries but less than what is needed to remove the leaves. Without these thorns the deer would remove leaves along with the berries. Deer feces are akin to fertilizer packets. When filled with seeds of these berries, they allow the plant to better establish itself as a sprout. Aspens have signs of antler scrapes on them, some deep into the bark. The trees may suffer, but the root system remains intact and easily rebounds. The trees of this species is more like our hair, being shed once it is no longer useful to the root system. We used a felled aspen to hang our food bag.

The rocks near our camp were the meta-volcanic type with green shades mixed into them. I am not exactly sure what this green material is made of, but I would assume it has either magnesium or chlorine as component elements. The exposed rocks near the stream had calcite deposits, left behind as water leeched out of the rock filled with dissolved minerals and evaporated away. Rocks are the ultimate history books which can tell amazing stories if you understand how to read them. I could see evidence of the normal fault that continues to push up the Sangre-de-Cristo mountains in these exposed layers. The eroded rocks are surrounded by sand blown in from the dunes which combined with the mineral deposits will eventually form a breccia with a fine sand grain matrix. This is similar to what you may see at Red Rocks or Garden of the Gods. Looking closely at the sand with an eyepiece magnifier, I could see the same rocks as those around me only on a much smaller scale. The materials that make a rock the size of your fist can also be seen as a grain smaller than a pixel on this screen.

I could go on about the cycles of birds moving across the land, the insects that did their mating dances when the birds were gone, the feeling of pressure systems moving through the atmosphere, etc. The natural world is a fantastic place if you take the time to set aside your ego to observe it.

Returning home, I am reminded of the fantastic comforts we have. An entire room can be illuminated at the flip of a switch, potable water is just a tap away. Heated water for a cleansing shower is an expectation rather than a luxury. I can move around my apartment naked without being eaten alive by parasites. My bed is soft and comfortable. My biological wastes are removed by the flush of a toilet. Living in rough conditions for a few days allows me to appreciate the luxuries in life that nearly everyone in the first world takes for granted.

Brexit, ISIS, Russian intervention in Syria, the 2016 election, reservoirs being depleted around the world, China rattling its saber in Asia!

Each of these things are the expression of trends occurring that few people know about and fewer still are willing to listen. It is beyond the control of any individual, especially those of us who are commoners. Sometimes all you can do is sit back and watch the world burn.

On Memorial day and Veterans day you will notice various people talking about their time in service. The ones that brag most tend to be the ones that did little to nothing. When real veterans call out the posers, it is the veterans that get attacked by the poser's fanboys.

How can you tell the ones that have seen some shit? They rarely talk about it with nonveterans and have a certain disposition about them which may seem a bit off.

It was mildly entertaining.


I don't see why everyone made such a big deal over this flick. meh.

It never fails, you can voice your opinion on any subject and there will be people that will label you as an enemy simply for not toeing the extremist line. Take firearm regulations for example, I think new regulations can be made which will be effective and enforceable. Because of that stance, others insist that my true goal is to ban all firearms and install an oppressive dictator. I think that people should be able to own firearms, even assault rifles. Because of this I am a gun nut who cares more about guns than people. Whatever happened to the idea of a gradient? Why must we be all for or all against an argument? I see the validity of regulations and the desire to own firearms. People say that regulations are pointless because criminals can get weapons on the black market, though it is always at a higher price than in less restrictive areas. Others say that higher rates of gun ownership lead to higher rates of crime, even though some low regulation states have lower crime. Several variables go into each of these situations and no one point can be seen as the one issue that will correct everything.

I am in an open relationship, my husband and I realize that we have different sexual needs that we can not meet together. We also have a love that goes deeper than sex. We are able to have certain aspects of sexual desires fulfilled by our friends. This builds a bond between us and our friends which would be lacking if we insisted on being monogamous. Of course there are people who will hear this and leap to the conclusion that I will hop on any swinging dick that passes by. No, I am very selective with whom I have sex with to the point where I don't really have an active sex life. These people seem to think that I don't love my husband, it is as if they believe that monogamy is the only way to love a person. That is a very shallow perspective and has quite often led to suffering and break ups of people who otherwise got along well together. Granted, there are couples that are perfectly suited for monogamous relationships, more power to them as long as they don't try to push their lifestyle on me.

Politics is the worst. I personally believe that Bernie Sanders should be the Democrat nominee. I do not agree with all of his points though. When I criticize those points I get labeled as a "hil-bot" or conservative, or any other nonsense in the book. It is like we have reached a point where any voice that goes against the echo chamber must be expelled at all costs. How can we ever have an effective government when so many people refuse to consider an opposing view? I've listened to a few GOP candidates and have thought, "That's actually not a bad idea." Granted, it is rare, but just saying that is blasphemy, "How dare you agree with another party?!" There were a few articles from left leaning websites that scorned a politician for saying that he doesn't know if homosexuality is something inborn ending with "it probably is." That is a huge step forward for someone in the GOP to say that, before they insisted that homosexuality was merely a choice. I bring that up and I get shitposts from people saying how stupid I am or how I am a horrible piece of shit because I had the nerve to admit the humanity of a political opponent.

And people wonder why I say that the collective sum of human intelligence is that of a retarded ape.

It is that time of year where I have to take surveys on class evaluations, nontraditional student transitions, and whatnot.

Maybe it is just me, but I find these things to be trivial and pointless. I was asked what could be done to ease my transition into Mines. I answered honestly, "I do not know." I tried to give good feedback on these things, but I doubt that my opinion is ever taken seriously. I do these things so that I can say, "Yeah, I filled out your pointless bullshit."

Welp, that is all I have to say about this. Feel free to roll your eyes and get back to your pornography.

"He became nervous, fearful, but certain about his point of view. They were wrong about this, those hypocrites! He could remain silent no longer. For thirty minutes he typed out a lengthy reply, rechecking his work every so often as he went along. Finally he felt satisfied and hit "post" only to see that he had been banned. What's worse, all of the people he thought were friends had made posts cheering the admin."

I have experienced that a few times in my life. I joined a new group, made new friends, experienced a whole new way of looking at things. It was wonderfully amazing, "Finally I can talk with people like me!" I thought. I would once cheer when the people that rocked the boat were banned. "Good riddance," I would say, "they deserved it!" But eventually I noticed that my friends were starting to get banned as well. "Wait a minute, he is a good person, why are they arguing with the mods?" BANNED! "... what?!" I would continue talking with the recent outcast off site. I would focus on the specific actions and try to understand what happened so that the ban might be reversed. It never worked, the admin would hear none of it. Then one day, I was just posting like normal and I got swept up into an argument. Not much longer I was banned. I was angry at first, as if I was stabbed in the back. I cried for justice, but few would listen. Of those that did, they were powerless to do anything. I eventually moved on, figuring that it was pointless to be in a group that didn't even want me there.

I would occasionally find myself in another such group and end up with the same results. I eventually learned that these are echo chambers. Particular groups of people who isolate themselves from outside thought and violently reject anyone with an opposing viewpoint. You can spot these groups all over the internet. Take politics for example, you can find several groups for each candidate where they only have good things to say for their candidate while aggressively asserting that all of their opponents are stupid, evil, corrupt, the second coming of Hitler, totalitarian, etc. No amount of reason matters on these topics, no one wants to hear it. You could actually support a particular candidate while criticising for anything and you will be called everything under the sun. Troll, shill, nazi, pro-(opponent) slur, etc.

A person is never banned for the specific reasons listed by the moderator, it is always because that person dared to rock the boat. This is a threat to the established leadership and must be crushed at all costs. After leaving the group you might be able to see how foolish they are acting, how they close their minds to dissent while they accuse their opponents has being close minded. No ideology is safe from these chambers. Politics, science, religion/atheism, furries, whatever. With experience you can see right away when you come across groupthink, saving yourself the trouble of getting emotionally invested in the group.

"You died in the old world and was born into a new one. You may do it again, and again, living 1,000 lives. If you never improve in this life you will make the same mistakes in your next one."

This is a book that is commonly referenced whenever the government does anything that can be construed as a power grab, surveillance, or control in general. I've heard so many appeals to this book that I finally had to just read it for myself to see what it was all about. I finished it by being puzzled as to how people have come to the conclusions they did. It is as if these people think this book was a prophecy rather than a story.

The first part was my favorite part of the book. It is the story of a man that lives under a brutally oppressive government that will punish any dissent of the party. Everyone is under constant surveillance and propaganda is constantly played on television screens that can not be turned off. This part, while having moments of fantasy, is the most realistic of the entire book. I can imagine that this type of government is similar to North Korea or other totalitarian states. A lot of time and effort is put into constantly rewriting the past to fit the narrative of the party, any contradictory information is destroyed.

The second part is more of a love story and how the characters move about within the system to avoid being caught. An analogy I got from this part was like how homosexual couples in the past or in bigoted societies today would have to move about within the system so that they could love without being caught, for capture would mean death.

The third part was the part that I disliked the most. It is mainly about how the main character is broken with an ending that leaves you wondering if he survived or if it was a dream that played out moments before his death.

---

Key aspects of this story is how the official language, Newspeak, is an increasingly simplification of English with the end goal being that a thought crime would be impossible because there would be no words to express such ideas. In a modern context, I am reminded of how Trump speaks on a third grade level and is loved by the ignorant masses. There are other less obvious connections too, such as "peacekeeping operations", "terrorist organizations", "tough on crime", "religious freedom", etc. What is considered doublespeak varies depending on the political philosophy of the individual. Whenever someone makes a claim that a phrase is doublespeak, it would be best to remain skeptical while considering why they might make such an assertion. That includes when I make those assertions.

My takeaway from this book is that the things you choose to focus on can either bring you joy or stress. Established politics always resists change that weakens their hand. For some time now I have felt like democracy is just a farce, that it is really the privileged elite who decide what options the plebeian class have. The legislative body of the US has not voted along popular opinion for decades, but it has voted along lobbyist opinions. People have the power if they unite in large numbers, but this is extremely difficult to pull off and people often fight against their best interests. I've noticed that many refuse to improve the lives of those around them because they believe that their own standing in society is diminished. It is as if they need to have their boots firmly pressed onto the bodies of those they deem beneath them in order to feel good about themselves. The collective intelligence of humanity equates to a retarded ape.

I am still on a period of reflection about this work, so my outlook might change. For the moment, I feel a greater urge to just focus on things within my own life and while I am aware of what is going on locally, nationally, and globally I won't worry myself with things that are outside my ability to change.

This is a story that I have heard others reference off and on for several years. It was on my mind while I was near my campus library so I decided to see if they had a copy. I've never really been into short stories, I prefer more technical books. I read a few pages and liked the way the paragraphs flowed. I decided to read a few more pages that night when I got home.

After a certain part of the book the deeper meaning started to become apparent. This was not just a story about a bird, it was an analogy about typical human attitudes. I got so drawn into the story that I could not put the book down. I finished it all in a few hours. If you ever felt like you were excluded or are under threat of exclusion for being yourself, you will like this book. The standard book has three parts to the story, newer books have four (which was originally omitted). I strongly identified with the first and second parts, and I feel like I am on the verge of breaking into the third part.

Each person has their own takeaway with this book. Here is mine:

Don't be afraid of being excluded from society or any subgroup. There are always others out there that would accept you with open arms demanding that you only be yourself. You might eventually find yourself drifting away from the group that took you in not because they don't want you but because you are changing as an individual. If your foster group loves you and encourages improvement, they will encourage your growth even if it separates you from them. The role you play through life can change if you want it to. All it takes is the will, determination, and the willingness to fail. Your identity can die a thousand deaths only to be born into new worlds. Worlds that initially seem like heaven typically dull down to reality. But you should pay attention to those around you, the person you looked up to in the past just might be the person you grew into as you lived. You are not a perfect being, but neither is anyone else.

The story itself can be an analogy for so many identities. Suppose you are gay in a bigoted society, being discovered would lead to excommunication. Suppose you don't believe in the supernatural but are surrounded by others who would rather run you out of town than have you around. You love learning, but are harassed by others for being too smart. If you have any more analogies please post, I'd love to hear what others think about this.

"Why do you think that you are 'breaking through' to the third part?" I have felt the pain of rejection through several identities now, the joy of new roles, and the disillusionment that eventually followed. The third part is about helping others as they are struggling to find themselves. I have been on a path of rapid personal development. At an age where others typically stagnate, I have grown dramatically. People that have known me only a few years ago are shocked to see me, I've changed so much that most don't even recognize me anymore. I'm even asking questions that either haven't been answered yet or have never been asked before. I am approaching a radical new world where I could possibly expand the limits of human knowledge. I have some time to go before I get there, but I am enjoying every step of the way. ^_^

-"To begin with, you've got to understand that a seagull is an unlimited idea of freedom, ... , nothing more than your thought itself."
-"That doesn't sound like a rule for a loop."
-"Ah, very well. Let's begin with level flight."

Teal Deer is a YouTube channel that critiques various arguments that people make. One of the topics he critiques often is feminist arguments.

In this video, imagine if the sex of the people involved were switched. Would people react differently? What would Tumblr feminists say?

https://youtu.be/0N0MKuoTb5A

It has been a while since I have updated my experiences in life and figured it would be a good time to do an update.

I have had quite a few changes in my life these past few years. I have changed myself as a person so drastically that I may seem completely different to most people. The change has been so radical that I find it extremely difficult to hang out with certain types of people that I used to love to be around. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but it seems like I no longer fit in. My expectations and ideas of pleasure are alien to a lot of people. I no longer worry about trivial nonsense, like pop culture or what people think of me. While I have goals I try to meet, I do not place my happiness beyond the horizon. I instead focus on the great things I have around me and reach for that which is within my grasp. This mentality has made me so much more secure and disinterested towards societal pressures. I like to say that if you place your happiness into the future then you'll always be depressed. People fall into the trap that if they meet their goals then all of their struggling and suffering will end, but whenever one struggle ends another begins. Don't get crushed by your dreams; one massive blow to a monster rarely succeeds, you must bring it down by death from a thousand slashes.

I have been on a healthy diet for so long that I nearly gag when I see people eating garbage food. I haven't had fast food in over two years, hamburgers are just too greasy for me to stomach. My main meat is chicken/turkey with some farm raised fish from time to time, pork and beef have been largely cut out (I'll have some on rare occasions). I consume more fruit now than I ever have in my adult life. The problem before was lack of access along with not knowing how to cook or having the facilities to cook. The vast majority of my meals are home cooked. I have saved so much money while eating so well. Going out just isn't as pleasurable because I can typically make my own meals exactly to my liking.

I have been working out regularly for three years now and it really shows. This weekend I hiked a mountain trail that was ten mile trail with a 30lb pack in seven hours. The elevation was from 10,000 to 13,000 feet. My legs got tired towards the end and I was expecting to be sore for the next few days. I felt no soreness at all, this is amazing! The great thing about being fit is that every physical task is much easier. It can be pretty difficult for me to get my heartrate up to 147 bmp, my resting rate is as low as 47bmp. Today I did a 15 minute warm up and got my rate up to 157 bmp and in about 30 seconds it was back down to 90. I look good and I feel good, I have some belly fat that just won't go away, but I guess that is something that happens at 30.

I work just two miles away from my apartment so I take my bike into work as often as possible. Going to work is easy, I can get there faster than if I drive. It is mostly downhill all the way. The flip side to that is that going home is uphill most of the way, but I see this as an exercise opportunity which helps me get better with each passing day. My job is pretty boring, I'm just a glorified warehouse worker. The physical tasks are easy, but they don't happen too often. Most of the time I have nothing to do except surf Facebook. I don't like to be paid for doing nothing, I want to feel like I achieve something each day. All of my coworkers have the typical american philosophy towards life. They eat crap, some smoke, none ever exercise, and their views on current events seem too simplistic to me (they prefer the simple explanation instead of entertaining complexity). My supervisor and manager seem impressed, they are even thinking about pulling funds from elsewhere just to keep me on past September. I have a government job and the budget for the department has been slashed. I think I would rather not work during the semester so I can focus on my school work.

School. Well, I got overwhelmed last semester and had to drop my Calc 2 class. I suffered a bit in Chem 2 as well, ended up with a C. I got an A in macroeconomics though. The drawback to that is that I cringe whenever I hear republicans (or even worse, libertarians/ tea party, talk about their ideas for balancing the budget. It is like they have learned nothing about the recent recession or what caused it. Whenever you hear a politician say that we need to get the public debt down to zero that is a red flag that they have no fucking clue what they are talking about. Anyways, my next semester will include Physics 1, Calc 2, and Microeconomics.

I've been told that some people are jealous of my relationship with my husband. Some people have the misguided notion that we are a perfect couple. Fantasy is never as wondrous as reality. My marriage can get pretty damn rocky at times and has seemed to be on the edge of collapse several times already. The thing that saves us is that both of us want to make our marriage last. We swallow our egos and admit that we are flawed and sometimes act like we are borderline retarded. I now freely admit my faults instead of getting defensive. Whenever there is conflict we try to be as rational as possible. "Only one of us can be irrational at a time," we jokingly say to each other. If either of us is acting bitchy we try to understand why instead of focusing on the negative attitude. For example, when I am tired and hungry I act like a little bitch. I feel the bitchy impulse, but I am aware of what is going on and I communicate that to my mate. He accepts that and refuses to get upset over it. I do the same for him. Any relationship can do this, it takes communication, honesty, and willingness to expose your weaknesses. Every day I tell my husband that I love him and that he makes me so incredibly happy. I do this to make him feel better about himself, but there is a selfish reason for it too, it helps me to feel better for having him in my life.

We have an agreement for an open relationship. We've had three ways where the third person is amazed at our personal security and comfort. I do not feel jealous about someone else having sex with my husband. He isn't a woman so there is no chance that he'll catch pregnancy, and at the end of the day he'd rather be in my arms than with anyone else. It takes a huge amount of security and trust to be able to pull this off, not everyone can do it. I believe outdated ideas about relationships and societal norms sets up this false notion of monogamy. Human anatomy suggests that we are polygamous in nature. You can deny it all you want, but our sex organs say otherwise.

Anyways, enough of this nonsense. Time for me to hide under my rock for another six months.

~Abide

This is a guy that makes some pretty funny videos dealing with atheism, misconceptions, etc.


https://youtu.be/iUz5g_r0bzk
https://youtu.be/elywN75OBdA

He also edits some videos in ways that are stunning.

https://youtu.be/-i3mX0YRrjM


His channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCg.....HwWCp1YDQDAy1w
But due to drama, he made another channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX.....h3SfFw6GvHkXKw

That's how long I have been alive on this planet, free from the womb. Most people seem to think that this is the time where they start feeling old and are upset about that. Not me, I feel great. I am in the best shape of my life, I am the happiest I have ever been, and I have the most awesome mate ever at my side. The path ahead seems bright, as if all of my problems are behind me. I have about two to six more years of school left depending on how far I want to go with my degree. I am considering a masters, but we'll see how things go.

30 down, and 30 more. Will I make it? Chances are good that I will. :3

I recently read a journal from someone I used to be in regular contact with years ago. We spent a lot of time chatting when we were both in the military, but we drifted away once he left the navy. I understand why that happened, hell, I basically did the same once I left the army. In his journal, he mentioned how things haven't been going well and that he has only known failure lately while sunk down into a pit of depression. This made me think about other veterans I know and how they are struggling to get by. Why am I thriving where others have failed? The following is my experiences and an address to a general audience that is targeted at no one in particular.

When I first left the army in 2006 I was on a similar path of failure. I didn't have any useful skills, so I basically had to start at the bottom of the work ladder. My lifestyle at the time relied heavily on an automobile to get me around. Most of my money was going into car payments and gasoline. The work I did manage to find payed around $9/hour with shitty coworkers, I fucking hated it. I was in the National Guard at this point and jumped at the opportunity to get on Operation Jump Start, a state mission on the boarder. My finances were built back up and I felt like I was set up to prosper, but I still had no valuable skills. I had moved to Colorado with the idea that I would work a construction job operating heavy machinery. I quickly realized how little the industry thought about military qualifications. My experiences meant absolutely dick to these people. I also made the mistake of living 35 miles away from the nearest town (Fort Collins), this meant that I was living paycheck to paycheck with no additional funds for anything. For the first time in my life, I was unable to pay my bills and went into crippling debt. My roommates at the time where horrible with money and priorities, they bought soap instead of food thinking that they would be able to sell erotic soap.

I went back into the army in 2008, paid off my debt, and tried to save up as much as I could. It worked very well until I got back from Korea. Once again I was heavily reliant on my Jeep to get me around. I stayed on top of my bills, but I was still spending more than what I was making. The deployment to Afghanistan helped me rebuild my finances, which is still partially carrying me today. When I got my MedBoard I was given a lump sum that helped me get through all of 2013 and 2014. I still have a decent amount saved up, which I am hoping will be used for a down payment on a condo.

What is different about how I live now? I live in a city within a mile of a mass transit rail line. I walk most of the time and rarely drive. I haven't calculated the numbers yet, but I think my fuel consumption is less than 9 gallons per month, compared to 16 gallons per week when I drove my Jeep daily. I don't eat out that much anymore. In the past I would eat out all the time, the average cost was about $10 per meal. Now that I cook for myself that same $10 can feed me and my husband with enough food left over for two or three meals. I bought LED lightbulbs for areas that we illuminate most often. They have already paid for themselves, but I still get on my husband for leaving them on (he has that bad american habit of being wasteful). Exercising regularly has also been a great help to me. I am in the best shape of my life and I plan on pushing my limits further. The added benefit is that everything that requires physical effort is so much easier to do. While other complain about walking half a mile I find joy in walking ten times that distance. It is invigorating to get the blood flowing while moving through a landscape. I think it is pretty sad that people choose to sit in a car and drive past all of the amazing things around them just so they can continue to be lazy.

My attitude about education has been radically shifted since I first got out of the army as well. I used to desire the bare minimum and not want to put effort into subjects I thought were useless such as English Composition. Now I try to learn as much as I can about every subject I take, even if it is just an elective class. My life experiences have become so much more rich as a result, ie the music class I took gave me a better appreciation for various genres. I want to soak up as much as I can and my teachers see that which encourages them to put more effort into teaching me.

When it comes down to it, the thing that will make or break you is your attitude. Benefits mean nothing if you don't have the drive to exploit them to the fullest. Doing the bare minimum will only return the bare minimum. If you want people to help you then you have to show them that you are worth the time and effort. If your focus is to only make more money then your future is going to suck. Sure, you might be financially secure, but you'd likely be working in a field that you don't particularly enjoy. Money is the key to happiness up until it pulls you out of poverty. After that it does not matter if you make $50,000/year or $1 million/year. I'd rather have a job that I love which pays $50,000 annually rather than a job I hate that pays $100,000 annually.

---

In other news, I think I might completely rebuild my profile here. There is so much of it that is pretty outdated. I have finally got around to making a FurBuy account and will eventually get around to selling my suit. Has anyone used that site for selling or buying? What was your experience? I my also either redesign my character or just make a new one. I may go with the latter seeing as how my view of the world has changed so much since I've created the character. I still have an idea for a unique character, which is going to be a long time before I get started on it mostly due to lack of space and money.

My job starts in six days, expect me to get pretty ghost when that happens, especially when the spring semester starts.

I got hired on at the USGS Core Research Center. I will be working close to full time between the semesters and part time during the semester. I will be handling rock core samples from around the country in the biggest rock core storage facility in the nation. The job itself looks very exciting for me, I love to nerd out over rocks. It is also just about two miles away from where I live, I can walk there every day if I so choose, but biking is the most likely option.

Added benefits are that my coworkers have contacts within the industry and other departments of the USGS. One of them is also a professor at the Colorado School of Mines. This position has opened up several opportunities for me and to say that I am excited about it would be an understatement. Right now I am in the paperwork phase and won't be expecting to do any actual work until Jan. Other great things about this job is that the medical insurance is pretty damn good. I plan on exploiting the fuck out of it, maybe we could eventually get an eye procedure for  cianthefur.

My time in the army will be considered for benefits such as vacation time and whatnot. I will find out more about that later after the new year. My prior service is what set the stage for me getting this position too, so all of that bullshit I went through for ten fucking years is starting to pay off. Things seem like they are starting to come together. :3