Well its been awhile since I've done one of these but I do feel I should let those know who don't already know I am alive and okay. For those wondering I was last year struck down by a drunk van driver, the driver then wrapped his van around a tree and died while I was well launched across a road. I don't know what happened or all the details beyond the reports I've read and been told about but it was a messy scene. I spent about ten months in a coma which in a way is a good thing as it meant I could recover and the hospital could repair the damage, from what I can tell I don't think I would of been doing much even if I had been awake. That said I was in a coma and during such a strange time and unsettled time, while in the coma I was exposed and caught the Covid virus and their putting me on the breathing support is what helped me wake up. Unlike what films and such may have told you however waking up from a coma is not like waking up from being asleep, it is slow and a few times I felt like I was in a state of being half awake and half out cold. But I did after about a week finally wake up, with tubes down my throat and stuck into my body.

I want to say thank you first for all the hospital staff who kept me alive and safe and thank you to all the support staff out there too.

But now I want to say the real thank you, thank you everyone who asked about me, when I got out and checked my messages I was touched by how worried everyone was and the efforts everyone was going to in order to find out what happened and get in touch. I'll admit reading these things brought me to tears and made all the suffering a memory. You are all wonderful friends and I feel I owe you all so much and assure you I would do just as much for you as you have shown you will do for me.
I am without a home and job, staying in a hotel for the moment while I look for both but as soon as I can I do want to show my thanks to so many of you wonderful friends of mine, in the mean time again thank you everyone and I should really start posting more often here again arts and journals.

Fang/Azziz/Lee

It is time for me to get rid of that 'subject of mediocre post, I've had it too long and I no longer feel so mediocre. No nothing major has changed in my life, things are mostly the same, dead end retail job, no local friends or people nearby I can be with. But I'm happier now, because of the friends I have online.

You people have shown your true colours to me, for better or worst during 2014, the last few months even more so I've finally gotten rid of the dead weight friends and gotten closer to those who do care about me. Some of you have been selfless and even if you don't realize it, you helped me alot when I was very very deep in a dark state of mind.

I can't thank you folks enough.

So with the new year I've got some plans, hopes I guess, one is to write more and upload writings, expect some stuff soon hopefully. I also want to finish off several on going projects of mine. Offline I plan to get either promoted at work or get a better job, either or really.

And finally I want to become more social online and offline too, to this end I've a Twitter now soluslesna if anyone would like to follow. Not sure what sorts of things I'll be uploading but it should be a fun ride either way.

So I'm mostly rambling, but my mind is so scatter brained these days, from fighting depressing thoughts to coming up with RP ideas I've no one to RP them with, to making characters and scene's to having dreams of what my life could and should be.

Either way, here is to a new year, new hopes and new chances to fail. Thank you all again for been there when I've needed folks.

Its been awhile since I posted on here and to be honest I doubt any will care at all but sometimes somethings just have to be said/written/typed. Life is just life at the moment, mediocre it feels like. Maybe its just this time of year, maybe its just health problems or maybe its feeling so alone.

Tis the season as they say, those who work in retail mind like myself its a dreadful time of year filled with stress, panic and chaos. While this year were luckily to have some good X-mas temps its still not easy at all and management is been real petty and childish almost with alot of toys been thrown out of prams.

Health yeah thats fun, I've spent this whole month since the 4th of November sick, discovered only yesterday that I've had a stomach infection, end result I can't hold down food, it coming out one way or another when I try to eat. So of course this means I've not been eating properly or not keeping down food, and those who know me know I didn't have much weight to start with so its bad I've lot weight, along with feeling just always sick, tired and drained.

I feel alone now adays, once upon a time I would have every day logging on to find people wanting to speak and RP with me. Now, well I barely get any messages, even less RPs and those RPs I do get to do are done for my partner's enjoyment and not my own. Either I have to play a character I don't want to play as, do things I don't want to do or cater to a kink I don't like, either way I end up RPing because I want to RP but don't end up enjoying the RPs done.

So that leads to feeling mediocre I guess. That and well a mediocre year, no real holidays, no money to do anything, friends drifting away and my health been as it is with a nice mix of stress added in. I hate posts like this but sometimes things just have to be written down, an in-vain attempt to try and understand things.

I don't know what I should do or try to do anymore...

Sometimes I have good days, bad days and then just pure pain days. Today is a pain day. I'm at the bag point now where my back will always be a problem, sometimes its not too bad though, other times like today oh lord does it hurt so much.

Now, lack arts, some may of noticed, some may even of cared that I'm not uploading as much as I used to, reason? No point, I've uploaded my pictures to get few views and even fewer comments, why because FA is an elites group who care nothing to help those learning.
Am I still drawing, oh yes, just not killing my ego and artist mood by uploading onto here. Am drawing well I was drawing a lot but weather here has turn to blag which kills the mood to draw. But I am still drawing and am happy with what I do.

Oh and another random put down of the day, once again said at work:
"Its worth noting that the moment you opened your mouth you lost this battle of wits. And your the first one to speak out of all of us too."

"Myself I wouldn't trust any of them to open up a can of diet coke that was already open and empty."

Me last night to my manager after she asked if I had someone who could take over for me on one of the more careful jobs.

I thought I was okay, I twisted my back oh about four weeks ago at work before going on holiday. Had a great time but felt sore none the less. Went back to work last week, was sore but could manage after all I rested for three weeks.
...
Wrong! At work I manged to twist my back again when someone called out to me from behind suddenly, impulse and such re-tore the muscles and undid all the recovery I'd had from the three weeks rest.
Now back to the doctors told off by them, told not to work for a month and given a lovely selection of new flavored pain killers.
Its interesting really, you have no idea how much you use your back till it hurts every time you move it, lovely jolts of pain up and down my spine and as you expect sleeping is far far from pleasant. As you can tell really little to no point to this journal, just a ramble really and a somewhat update on me.

"Talking to you is like locking an open door. Pointless and impossible to shut up."

I thank you.

So long live the new PC thats coming. Yes after a good three years my lappy died on me, I started drawing the same year I got it and after this time its dead. Windows got corrupted and now it won't even boot up. The cure? A new PC which has a full copy of Windows 7 on a disk, oh yes the lappy isn't fully dead I just need to wait for its phoenix down. In the meantime using a borrowed lappy, hence why some people can't get in touch.

The fat lady is next to sing, the show has come to its end what I have is all gone. Now I have no more to go on with no more left to cling to...

Okay forgive me there, no nothing is wrong just feeling poetic briefly again. Anyway house is a mess, nights at work are hell, days as noise and messy as anything so I can't sleep or do much. Can't even draw at home and my scanner is buried under stuff so can't scan the stuff I do when out. Very annoying really and leaving me feeling meh ish.

I have learnt to trust again, because I have discovered that trusting someone is different to relying on someone.

So while I'm still feeling down about now moving to the US next year and not been able to study, its about time I updated this with something more...well not sure, I guess less downy.

Thus to start things off. SNOW! Yes it snowed here today, a lovely seasonal blanket of white and me with no reason or need to go out so curled up warm.

Of course things can't always be good and thus my main issue at the moment. My net speed. SLOW AS HELL! I pay for 20 meg I get *drum roll* .15 meg or 15 Kilobyte. Yeah I know not fair, but what can I do?

In the end all I've worked for this year has been thrown back in my face. My student Visa has been rejected and I'm not sure how I feel right now. Alot of time, work and money went into me getting this and I was given a rejection which just barely feels like a reason for it. Apparently been accepted into a school isn't enough proof you want to study in the US.

Half of me wants to crawl up somewhere and die, the other half of me wants to just break something. Either way I'm going to be online/active strangely for a while and I'm sorry if I snap at anyone. I don't know what I'm going to go, it feels like my whole life has slammed into a wall and I have fallen to nothing.

I'm aware most likely no one will read this or care about it, save a select few. But as much as anything I just had to get read of my old journal which was filled with hopes and dreams coming true.
Once again I find all the hard work I do means nothing and I never get a break.

Wow haven't updated this in awhile heh I'll have to change that here and now. So yes, recently I've felt my artwork has improved alot. I mean for one I'm calling it art heh. Am trying out new things and enjoying how they come out, also stretching out my range too.
And onto news, I'm finally moving out of the UK next year. Moving to the US to my girlfriend and going to start studying Game design and animation. Woo!
Now onto the last bit, is there anything anyone would like to see me draw more of? I know some people watch me only for certain pics so the next one I draw will be up to you my watchers, comment on this and tell me what you want.

Whats your pets name?
Azel the name spawn from a typo, he was going to be called Zell

What is he/she?
He is a spiny tail lizard or a Uromastyx

How old is he/she
He's around fives years old now.

Breed?
Doesn't really apply to him.

Can he/she do tricks?
Hmm tricks somewhat, he can climb pretty much anything and loves showing off that skill.

Housetrained?
As housetrained as he can be. He doesn't do his business on people much anymore.

Coloring?
Coming into his summer shed so he's changing colours at the moment. Either a dusty brown or bright yellows and greens.

Whats one thing your pet does that makes him/her unique?
Be himself really. I'm not sure what other Uromastyx's are like but to me he's the one and only like he is.

Is your pet your best buddy?
I would say he is more like my baby really.

What’s your pet’s favorite food?
Yes he does. He loves Dandelion's and its so much fun teasing him with them.

Does your pet listen to music?
He listens to music and watches anyone who's playing on the Wii or 360'd. He also has a preference in games as well.

Couch Potato?
I'd say a lounge lizard myself, he enjoys looking smug while sunning himself under his heat lamp on a cold day.

Does your pet sleep in the house?
In the house and in a tank as well.

Does your pet give you no end of heartache?
For awhile he did when I was worried about his health and anytime he looks under the weather I get worried. But he also cheers me up as well so its all fair.

Whats one thing you’ll always remember about your spiffy pet!
Everything?!? From the moment I saw him in the shop to every time he surprises and amuses me. Plus will always remember his love for Dandelion's and taking him out on walks for them.

Any last words from your pet?
Why isn't the sun out, why isn't there Dandelions in my food bowl. Why are the Dandelion's always gone?

Well I've seen a few people take this and well heh I figured I would give it a shot as well...

Your Guy Side

[ ] You love hoodies. (Of course in England wearing one of these will get you thrown out of many places.)
[x] You love jeans. (Yeah I do, its mostly what I wear on my legs.)
[ ] Dogs are better than cats. (I like both and I could never pick which one was better really....)
[ ] It's hilarious when people get hurt. (Cause normally its the ones I don't want getting hurt are the ones hurt.)
[x] You've played with/against boys on a team. (Airsoft/Paintball a few times)
[ ] Shopping is torture. (It can be if I'm with the wrong person.)
[ ] Sad movies suck. (Not really I just have to be in the right mood to watch one.)
[ ] You own an X-Box.
[x] Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid. (Well Matchbox cars, same thing really right?)
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You own a DS, PS2 or Sega. (DS and PS2, not that I really think this is a fair boy question mind, many girls own them as well.)
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. (The first few seasons yes, I'll admit it. And I still even flick onto to see what the new ones are like sometimes too....)
[ ] You watch sports on TV. (NO!)
[ ] Gory movies are cool. (I'll watch the old cheesy gory ones but new ones I'm not overly keen on at all, they seem more about how much blood can then throw around.)
[ ] You go to your dad for advice. (I don't really think I have ever asked my day for real advice ever.)
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You like going to football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[ ] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. (Black, blue, silver and red are my favorite colours.)
[ ] You love to go crazy and not care what people think. (I am crazy so I don't need to go it, but I do not when to act sane so I guess I do care what people think.)
[ ] Sports are fun.
[ ] Talk with food in your mouth. (No and I hate people who do.)


Total = 6

Your Girl Side

[x] You wear lip gloss. (I work in a dry cold workplace, I need it.)
[x] You love to shop. (Going to the right shops and looking for things I want yes, could spend hours doing so in a good book/art shop.)
[ ] You wear eyeliner.
[x] You have some of the same shirts in different colors. (Picked up a packet of shirts all the same style in four different colours, cheap and go with other outfits.)
[x] You wear the color pink. (I have yeah, only real men wear pink.)
[x] Go to your mom for advice. (Smarter and witter then my dad.)
[ ] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like hanging out at the mall. (I wouldn't say hang around but I do go to mall's alot to chill with a coffee and draw.)
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[ ] You like wearing jewelry. (I don't have any to wear.)
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[ ] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[ ] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[ ] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed,/ and put on make-up and accessories (Well It can take me along time to get ready but not an hour to do so.)
[ ] You smile a lot more than you should. (Sometimes yes sometimes no, mostly when I'm in the US I do.)
[ ] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[x] You care about what you look like. (I dress how I feel and while I care about how I look I don't care what others think.)
[ ] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[ ] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[ ] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[ ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[ ] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.

Total = 7

Okay thats likely saying alot about me huh? I'm a non-typical person thats for sure who seems more girlish then anything else....Make of this what you will.

Those who do watch me will know its been some time since I uploaded anything. I have been drawing just either not happy enough with what I do to upload or something going very wrong as I try to finish it of. Art will come soon but I may just dump load it to my scraps unless really happy with it.
So RPers I know you are out there and I'm looking for you, I've a new Sonic RP I'm running which is in need of players http://fatedtales.proboards.com/index.cgi
I'm also always happy to meet new people to RP with on messenger, I mostly use YIM and MSN but sometimes go onto AIM as well.
I've a new habit it seems as well, no longer am I faving pictures I seem to just be commenting on them, I guess this is my way of wishing people would do the same for my pics but *shrugs*.
I'm also for those interested sometimes sneaking past the lag to slip onto SL, I've a few different AV's and enjoy RPing on there. Character is Felock Zeta so if you want to say hi or do something let me know.
Final thing, writing I may start it again may not I recently had a chance to put my creative skills to the test and enjoyed it. The main problem is I struggle at times with proof reading.

Yes I've gone to the darkside and started to use MSN as well. This is kinda just a quick let everyone know I'm using it so add me to here as well thing. Heh anyhow add me anyone if you want to chat or RP.

Well new artwork should be coming soon. I've just not happy with it thats all. But for the sake of trying to improve or just get another idea/view upon it I'm going to load it up as it is.

Thats the update now the message. RolePlayers come forth and rp. Heh seems I've lot many of those I used to RP with recently, so any of you out there who want to RP get in touch enjoy most type/settings etc. Contact me by YIM bloody_fang_lupe or just send a note my way.

Well heh no art work from me in ages huh, simple reason trying to improve and get used to new tools. I'd like to say my arts coming along great and will hopefully have something to show for it soon.

Yes in case anyone cares I've uploaded some new scraps here. Enjoy.

Yeah cause I know a few maybe watching me. Just to let you lot know I've uploaded a few bits of scrap artwork in the scrap area. Not great not that bad I don't think. I'm still learning to draw and such but heh for only about two month's worth of time I'm okayish kinda....Anyway enjoy.