I'm leaving not just furaffinity but the furry fandom behind. Thank you for your understanding.

My husband and I are having an official wedding ceremony and party soon.

The reason why we weren't able to before is because of covid. It was supposed to be in 2020 but when the pandemic hit, it had to be postponed. Then things weren't getting better in 2021 for us and others we knew so the celebration had to be put off until this year. I didn't want our wedding to have to be limited to so few people. In top of that there would have been masks and no getting close. So I had to bide my time for the perfect opening.

To clear some confusion: I was not legally married to my husband. We call each other husband and wife but there is nothing on paper yet.
We are legally getting married now, along with an actual wedding ceremony.
(Also he's my highschool sweetheart if you're wondering how we're so young but have known each other for so long.)

Our wedding is in April and so far everything is going amazing with our plans. Lots of support and many discounts too. I'm even receiving a lot of things for free. Everyone who is involved in our lives are happy and approve of our union.
I couldn't have asked for an easier or more perfect wedding plan. I'm so glad we waited.

Then in May I have my baby shower so I am also planning for that.

So I won't be around much. I know it seems like every other month I have yet another reason for sparce uploads. I guess I just have a very busy, very chaotic life.

I do enjoy art and I wish I had the time and energy for more of my creations. But the time just isn't now.

Thank you for reading. I hope you understand <3

As you may have noticed I haven't been uploading as often as I used to.

Well a lot has been going on in my life.

For one, I've been grieving the loss of both of my pets. I lost them both within the span of two months. My bird died of old age and my cat went missing. Ash, my cat, is still gone and it's been over a month so at this point I'm giving up the search and assuming that she is dead.

Two, there have been some things going on in my marriage. Over the past 8 months I've had moments where I wondered if there was a point in staying.

Three, I had a major financial loss. I trusted someone and in turn that person used me. I keep telling myself to never trust people. Nothing good ever comes from it.

And to top it all off I'm pregnant.

While I have struggled with depression most of my life (shit childhood, don't feel like explaining now) I have especially been brought down with frequent suicidal thoughts as of late. I don't know if it's because of the hormones, everything going on, or both.
And most days I just don't have the energy nor the motivation to focus on my art.

On a more hopeful note, my husband and I have been really talking to each other about what's going on. Our relationship has gotten much better over the past month and it almost feels like normal. I really want to make things work and so does he. We don't want this to be the end. I mean we both still love each other very much and are still putting our all into this.

Another thing is that I might be getting a new pet.
A friend of the family has two dogs and they just had puppies a few days ago. He needs help homing all of them and I'm thinking I want one of these puppies. After all, I always wanted a dog in the house when I have kids. The puppies should be ready by spring (right around my birthday actually) so maybe I will.

I do have some unfinished art in my backlogs. I'll get to working on those and will hopefully upload something by tomorrow or the day after.

My cat, along with my friend's cat went missing. We think someone stole them.

If you live in Tulsa, Oklahoma please please look for our cats. They went missing around north Tulsa.

I didn't want to reveal where I live (or where I used to live) but it doesn't matter anymore. I want her home and safe.

She is a female spotted tabby with white markings on her face, stomach, and paws. She has bright green eyes and a very kitten looking face. She is small (under ten pounds) and is often confused for a kitten. She also has a very unique brown spot on her otherwise pink nose. Her name is Ash and while she only comes to me when called she might listen to you. She is almost 7 years old

My friend's cat, charcoal, is a mostly black male cat with white markings on his stomach. He is about 2 years old.

I am moving back to Tulsa asap so I will be looking for her soon too. But i don't know how much looking i can do with my pregnancy.

PLEASE PLEASE I URGE YOU TO LOOK FOR HER IF YOU ARE IN THAT AREA. TULSA OKLAHOMA.

There is a forest fire going on right now. It's not in my county yet but those things spread like crazy, especially with all of the woodland area right by me.

No clue what happens next. Think this is just another sign that I should leave.

I'm moving again so I'll probably be offline the rest of the year.

See ya in 2022. Hopefully things will be better.

One of my pets just died. No it wasn't a violent or horrible death, it's just that my pet bird died of old age. I'm really sad that I wasn't able to be there with him during his final moments. But I know that he was well loved and taken care of while I was away.

I'm just sad now. I've lost so much lately and I don't even know what to do with my life anymore. Too many things have happened and some days I just don't want to live anymore.

So as expected I miscarried again so now I'm recovering from that.
I also lost my job and I don't know where I'm going to live now.

On brighter news my marriage is going well. My husband still has a job so I'm not homeless yet but he doesn't make enough to support the two of us.

Does anyone know of any good sites for posting fetish porn? Preferably something that caters to cardiophiles or has a sizable cardiophile community. I'm thinking about going into porn/lewd photography and my husband is ok with it.

Sorry for the long absence. I've been dealing with two back-to-back illnesses (still sick now), having some marital problems (they are resolved now), dealing with an unimpressed in-law, and to top it all off I'm pregnant again. I'm about 3ish 4ish weeks along if my estimate is right.

I've had a very very long month and you know it's made me realize some things. One is that I should never give up my passion for anything. The real reason why I decided to space out my uploads is because I wanted to be more present in my marriage. I wanted to spoil my husband more and show him what a good wife I am. And I was dealing with pressure from his family to be better.

Now before you make a opinion yet I just wanna say that I do want a more traditional relationship. I want to be a housewife/stay-at-home mom and homeschool my kids. Problem is we live with other people right now so it's hard to be a housewife when you have no house. And there's no kids(fertility problems). So despite having a job (and doing chores) I'm still effectively "useless".

So in order to look better and more productive I drew less. I should've never done that. Art has always been the best way for me to escape. For me to relax. And for me to cope.

Anyway, me doing less art didn't work because some people still weren't satisfied with my efforts. I overworked myself (mind you while sick and pregnant and dealing with depression) trying to fix things and appeal to everyone and what do I get?

"You're not good enough."

Yeah. Fuck that.
I received that sentiment amongst other insulting things that I will not repeat. Not good enough....
Worst part is at first I accepted it and tried to do better even making everyone dessert and making my husband his favorite meals, and having lots of sex with him. But he blew up at me anyway.
It's because an in-law of mine got to him and said I wasn't good enough for him.
Eventually I had enough of this treatment. I was tired of everyone acting like they were doing me a favor. And I was tired of being compared to another woman. I told my husband that he wants a mom not a wife and that I'm leaving because I'm tired of being mistreated. He finally broke out of his funk and realized how much he'd been taking me for granted. He's sorry now and doesn't want to lose me or the baby.

Lesson learned : Never give up your passion for another person, even if they're your spouse.
I never made HIM drop HIS hobbies.

Sorry for the rant. Normally I don't like being this open about my private life but I have no one to talk to and it's important that you guys know about any major stuff going on.

As for any new uploads I have a couple of pieces that are partially done and I may be able to upload tomorrow. Halloween and the whole month of October is ruined. It sucks because it really is my favorite time of year. Oh well... there's always next year...

My dreams had some plot points with me leaving to live with in laws in the first one, and the second one had to do with me being sent to a church camp.

But neither of those really stood out. It was what happened in the second dream (the church camp one) that stood out. One thing that really caught my interest and made me forget most of my dreams last night.

I was practicing the occult (something I was always forbidden to do, both in my dream and irl) and I remember scooping up a clump of dirt and concentrating really hard on it. Putting all of my energy into the soil in my hands. Then it started turning into stems and leaves. I remember literally adding all of the subtle little details of the plants with my mind, like I could feel every time I added a vein or blotch of color to the stems and leaves that I now held. The whole process took about 30 seconds but to me it felt much longer.

That part of the dream just felt like a big deal to me, especially since I'm a pagan. And it also made me think about how during the past two days my husband and I have been trying to get me pregnant. To create life out of raw materials just I did in my dream. I hope that this is a good omen for me and my fertility. And a good sign of my progress in occult studies.

So the 14th is my tulpa, Madok's birthday and I'm going to be making a bunch of art of him.

(If you don't know what tulpas are, look it up)

But yeah I've had him around for a year now which is a big deal for us. Can't believe it's already been this long.
I'd love to draw him more not only because I like his design but also because it's nice having those visuals (instead of me having to imagine/ see him in my mind's eye).
Plus I think he'd really like it.

So the first dream I had last night I was talking with my highschool theater teacher and a few of the people I had that class with. He told me that he always thought I was good and that I just needed a little something to be the best. I have lots of potential. I said that I was just petrified the whole time in class when I was around the other students. Some of my classmates told me that I was actually really good and they believed I was one of the best actors there.
It was a sweet and short dream and while I doubt many of them irl feel that way about me it still made me feel good.

The second dream I had was more intense.
There was a highly contagious and certainly deadly disease around. If you caught it there was about a 90% chance that you would die. The strange thing is...I was completely immune to it.
So I basically watched as the world around me crumbled.
It was like a montage was put before me. I saw everyone enjoying themselves first, going about their lives, children playing in the parks. Then the first victim. And then the spread. Slowly the children in the parks disappeared. The airports emptied. The streets lay bare. It was an all out apocalypse and I was some chosen witness.
No one even rioted or engaged in the usual destructive behaviors that occur during a societal collapse. It all just became...quiet.
What made it even more insane is that for some reason I had the ability to sense when the illness was there. I could even "see" it in a way. It often appeared to me as a bright red or green aura on a person or object. But only in flashes. And typically those flashes would occur when the disease transferred to a new surface (or new victim) or when the sick was close to dying.
What made things worse was that the government was hunting down people with my ability so even though I was safe from the sickness I still had to isolate myself and hide so that I wouldn't get caught. Thankfully there were a handful of other survivors like me and we pretty much protected each other until it was over. I think the disease was cured but I honestly can't remember.

Anyway those were my dreams last night. They were certainly better than the ones that I had the night before.

Had two shit dreams.

The first one I was a kid in it (early teens) and was getting ready for my birthday party. But at the last second, one of my aunts decided to change the date of her baby shower to the day of my birthday party. I was upset because I really wanted my family to come. I asked my aunt why she changed it- she knew it was my birthday. Plus she just had a party a few days ago. Wasn't that the baby shower? My aunt answered that the party was no baby shower and today was such a perfect day to have one. Sorry maybe next year.
So none of my family members are showing up now. It's ok I'll just hope my friends can come.

I don't have many friends so there's no way anyone can fuck this up right?

So instead of inviting my friends my mom decides to invite people from her church organization. Suddenly the room is flooded with kids I saw in church camp. Most of them I hardly even knew. Half of them don't even like me. Only a few are friendly acquaintances. I told my mom that I didn't want this to be a church thing. She just shrugged and said "I couldn't help telling everyone". "What's wrong it's just people from the church. They love you". I reminded my mother that I'm not a Christian but she just ignored me. I also told her that they did not in fact love me but she ignored that too.

So all of these kids are here because their parents just wanted a break from them so they dropped them off at my party. No happy birthdays or presents. Just a bunch of people who showed up because their parents made them. And they're eating up all of the food. I said again that I'm not a Christian. More ignoring. Some kids who overheard laughed at me. So I walked over to an empty table and stood on it. But it was wobbly so I hopped to the table beside it. I then stood up (on the second table) and yelled I'M NOT A CHRISTIAN!
Everyone laughed at me.

In the second dream I was on a (semi)private jet when I got an anonymous tip that someone was going to assassinate me and a few of the passengers. It was going to be via rabid dogs.
The plane lands and I signal to get off first. I have to show this pass and then I'm off before the person with the dogs can get me.

But then it looped. The dream repeated itself but instead now I don't have the special pass to get off early. I had to wait for others to get up first. Then I ran to a side door and started trying to kick it open. I heard the dogs coming from the front. Right as I was about to get it open I saw the dog in front of me. It stopped but continued to make incoherent noises. It looked like a sweet beagle. I felt sorry for it. Sorry that it was made into this against its will. But there was no time for dwelling. The creature, as sweet as it may have once been, may attack me at any time. I get the door open, jump out, then slam it behind me. I ran across a field when I finally woke up.

So I just had another miscarriage and I might be taking a break from this. I'm finishing up what I was already working on and then... I don't know.

I'm fine. I feel like I should be crying but this has happened so many times that I have no tears left to cry over it. At this point I feel mildly disappointed. And numb.

On a happier note, this got my partner and I to seriously talk about having children (instead of these "surprises"). We have decided to try for a baby later this month, if my body is up to it. I thought "maybe if I really want it, it will happen" right? Dumb logic but I do really want to start a family. Actually I've been wanting to start a family and now more than ever I want kids. I'd always envisioned myself as a younger mom. Never wanted to wait till my thirties or even late twenties for a baby. Hell with my record of miscarriages, if I do wait until "the optimal time" aka late 20's early 30's I will be infertile by that point. The earlier I try, the better chance I have. Well, technically I guess I am considered infertile. It's just hard to believe that infertility can happen in late teens-early twenties. Sadly, that's me.

But yes we do want kids. We've wanted kids for a while now but just never planned it out. Wish us luck.

Last night I had a dream that I was either playing some alternate version of mother 3 or maybe it was mother 4 if that ever existed. Whatever it was it was cool. Later in that dream I announced my pregnancy to everyone and people were very supportive and happy for me. It made me feel better about my pregnancy because yesterday I felt some cramps and was very paranoid about me losing the baby as I've miscarried around this time before.

Thankfully there's still no bleeding and that crampy, heavy feeling that I had was likely just uterus expanding. Everything's going so well this time around. Maybe I'll be lucky :)

As I walked out of my classroom a teacher held me back and said that I needed to stay.

I was falling behind in school so I was forced to stay in an extra class and do a book assignment. Just read the book, answer some questions, and write a short one page essay.

Nothing special right?

So the teacher tells us to get our books from under the desk as she puts on what I assumed was an audio recording of the book. I reach down to grab my workbook and looked up at the projector screen and saw that it was Johnny the homicidal maniac. Wtf?!

But yeah I was a really good fan animation that the teacher put onscreen. I thought to warn her about the gore but then I was like "Nah, it'll be fine". Afterall it was in our workbook too so I guess it was already approved for the classroom. So as the video played we were supposed to follow along in our books but as usual everyone did more or less what they wanted to. Most complained about the voice acting or the "ugly" artstyle (I personally like it). The teacher didn't stop us and we were even allowed to walk around the room (as long as it wasn't in front of the screen). This helped me, as I concentrate better while standing. The questions were easy (especially if you read the series before) and soon I was finished and wandering around the room absentmindedly.

I came across this guy who was struggling and I asked him if he needed any help. "You've read this before?" He asks and I answered "yeah". He was grateful for my help. Then this girl who had overheard us came to join. She said it was cool that I read it. And I said "Yeah I starting reading it in middle school" and she says "Cool I had a friend in middle school who loved those books. She was really into goth stuff". I don't know who suggested it but someone said "what if there was a musical of it?". I replied "Only if it's of the same vein as Repo: The Genetic Opera". It would look pretty cool in that style. The three of us finished our assignments together and we get to talking about other stuff and next thing you know I had two new friends.

Dream made me happy because it's not often I meet someone who knows of any more obscure stuff or is into alternative styles. Or even likes those things if they know them. Last time I saw a goth in person was elementary school and the last time I knew any emos or scene people was middle school and even then they were rare (especially where I'm from). Most just picked on you for liking it. Funny how now everyone has a goth girl fetish or wants to make scenekid tiktocs when during my childhood you got bullied for that.

Had an awesome dream where Madok anally vore me. Vore dreams are the best ^_^

Also yesterday I got stung by a yellow jacket and now I have huge itchy hives on my knee (where I was stung). Been miserable the past couple of days >.> this is my day off work too

One of my dreams last night (I had three but the other two were mundane) I was looking all over for a pregnancy test. I found one and it was positive. Woke up with my left hand clutching my necklace.

Now the necklace is significant. It's a blue opal necklace that was gifted to me. Opals are my favorite gemstones due to their amazing multicolored properties. If you've never seen one before they kind of look like rainbows, the ocean, or the galaxy. They're also supposedly a powerful gemstone. So that's why I thought it was significant that I woke up holding onto said stone.

Had another dream last night that I felt needed to be archived somewhere.

Much of it was pretty mundane up until this part where I was at school. In my dream I was a highschooler and me and my classmates were all lined up outside and we were going inside for some project (I didn't really care what was going on). While waiting for instructions from the teacher I noticed a small group of wild boars in the clearing beside the school. We were standing maybe ten feet away from them. The boars closer to the school while the students were further out in the clearing.

The teacher starts telling us to go inside and what to do when we get to... wherever we were going, and right as the line started moving a boar begins trotting towards me. Now up until this point the animals were peacefully rummaging through the grass and paid us no mind. No one seemed to care that there were wild boars on the school grounds either. No one but me. The boar starts picking up speed and I yelled at the teacher "hey there's a boar coming towards me" but he only responded with "yeah ok". He didn't care about what was going on and continued to lead the students inside. I stood perfectly still, wary of what the boar could do to me if it felt startled. But instead of being gored or trampled over the boar slowed down its speed and suddenly transformed into a boy.

The boy couldn't have been no more that six years old, had medium length pale blonde hair, and rich brown eyes. He instantly wrapped around my arm and clung on to me. With the boy still tightly wound around me, I picked up speed to catch up with my class. "No you don't want to be a human" I told him. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes. "I already rejected my humanity a long time ago" I continued. Which was true. I'd always hated being human, feeling trapped in that body. One of the girls beside me said "aww a little changeling" and pat the boy's head a few times. We continued to walk inside
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

And that's the end of that part of my dream. I also wanted to add that at a certain point in that dream I had flashbacks of feeding the boars apples so I guess that's why they liked me. Also shapeshifters were apparently normal in that dream. Huh, a pack of shapeshifters.
I just can't shake off that image of his eyes. Dark eyes and pale hair are such a striking combo and quite rare from what I can gather.

Anywho, just had to leave this.

I will be gone on the 14th

Hey I've been sick the past couple of days so I'll be uploading tomorrow morning instead of tonight

Back again!

So I realized why my art wasn't looking so good and now I'm redoing stuff. I wasn't using the right resolution and I was drawing on pages that were too small hence the pixel-y look. I was worried about large files and because furaffinity requires you to post such small pictures I thought that I could just start out drawing on a small one instead of doing the effort of resizing all of my art.

Sorry for the sub-par work guys 🙁

I changed the settings on my current program to match what I'm needing but I might actually be getting a new program soon anyway so that doesn't matter. There's one last project that I'm finishing up on there before I switch to the new one. I may just finish the lineart for that picture then transfer the file to the new program.

On a happier note, the other project that I'm working on is a new profile picture. An actual one and not just the thing that I whipped up in 2.5 seconds because I didn't want a blank icon but also couldn't decide what to make. It's a picture of human!me in my main outfit I want to draw myself in. Sorry if you prefer my anthro, feral, or inumimi form but I wanted something that I could use for multiple platforms. Not that you can't have a furry profile pic but you know what happens when you do. Plus I really wanna show off that outfit 😊

Had to redo it a bit because I was using the wrong canvas size. Plus from the waist down it didn't look right. I fixed the waist, hips, and legs. Nice smooth thicc thighs 🤤
Because I'm redoing a bit anyway I might add the ears and tail.

Anywho that's my update on the situation.

So as you may know (or not which is probably why you're reading this) I've been talking about working on a comic in my last couple of posts and I wanted to make an official announcement.

Yay my first story here! It's a cardiophilia fanfiction of sorts with a couple of my most recent pokemon ocs/pokesonas Rider and Dr Armini. A short story showing how the two came across each other. An introduction between them. How short? I don't know but it likely won't exceed 50 pages. I just want to establish the characters, not write an entire saga.

So far I've done the lineart for the first page and have sketched pages 2 and 3. Hoping to sketch page 4 today and do lineart for all of them tonight. Don't worry I'm a bit of a night owl and I'll probably be up until 1 or 2 anyway so I better put that time to good use instead of just laying on my bed or browsing youtube. I should really work on a title page...

With all of this going on I will only be focusing on the comic and l won't be posting anything else until it is done. Mostly because it's confusing when people have an ongoing series but are also posting other art on their page so it gets all messy with the uploads and you have to search through the gallery, and you get what I'm saying. I want it all right there, one page uploaded after the other and nothing else in between. That means no vore for the time being but to be honest I want a break from drawing vore.

Explicitness: How explicit will it be?
Hardly. I want this comic to be more accessible to more audiences so while there will be the occasional sexual undertones there will be no sex, gore, or genitals. Sorry :/

I promise to go all out later ;)

I will begin uploading on Wednesday so stay tuned!
Until then bye ^w^