Well, with the way things are going for me (as far as reaching out to people irl), I'm not having to much luck. So. Anybody that sees this and feels like sending me a note to engage in some sort of interaction, please feel free to. We could all use some internet friends in these trying times.

Title says it all. Been isolated for quite a while now. Not sure if I lost the interest of my "old friends" or if they've just stepped away from the Fandom or are just busy. I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't stop myself from repressing who I am. I just feel way out of place. Always trying super hard to morph myself into whatever social situation I'm put into, forcing myself to put up a facade even when I'm at home.
Hitting that point of "I don't know why I try anymore".
So yea, anyways, if you feel kind enough to send me a note to request contact info, please do. I'll try my hardest not to be venting constantly. Again though, can see why I don't get very much interaction to begin with since I don't do art or anything appealing to the Fandom since I've just been lurking for the last 10 years or so.
Anyways yea, hope whoever is reading this has a good day/night.

So, yea. Super inactive, haven't drawn in years, tried drawing and it looks like absolute trash. Working hard at my job but getting 0 recognition and stuck in a dead end position. 31 going on 32 years old, living with parents still, no significant other/ partner, no family, and disowned by extended family. Maybe I'm just destined to be alone.

Been a long time since I've said anything but I'm still around. Still trying to get myself back into doing art. Having to juggle a full time job + still questionable housing situation but eh. I'll get around to something eventually.
Hope everybody's been doing well.

Over the last year I've received numerous notes from random artists on here saying "just finished my commissions list! PM me on discord so we can talk about your commission! Ill make it a buy one get one free deal too!"

I never engaged with you, im not watching you, leave me alone and go pester other accounts that are more active. They always feel like phishing attempts. Its apparent I can't afford commissions, use your better judgement people...

Okay so ill start this off as matter of fact as I can; I was recently lucky enough to have come across a wonderful Shiba-Inu gal and we really hit it off :'3 we've been boyfriend/ girlfriend for about a month now and she's one of the most wonderful fluffs ive met to date!
Now for the weird part... Ive somehow "picked up" an e-stalker as well... They just began harassing my gf and I here about 2 weeks ago. They are.apparently "aware" of my Telegram activity AND my Furaffinity activity. They are really trying to cause drama.and ita becoming quite obnoxious. But they keep on bothering my gf over telegram; drop a few messages to her and then they just dip out, delete their account and remove the chat info. Then just pop back up. So yea, idk what to do, can't really make any comments now because of this no-life stalker that's already trying to force me and my gf apart :/ I'm thinking it may be somebody in my.watch lost but I don't know. They got a hold of my telegram somehow, told me "ive been on their friends list for a long time but we never talked", yet I've never seen their account name/ sona prior to these encounters. Got both my girlfriend and I rather.shook...

Finally making progress with figuring out what's up with my seizures. Been talking things over with my neurologist and had been reporting to.here I was experiencing mid-back pain that would coincide with my seizures. So she cleared a Thoracic Spinal X-ray for me to do.
Now before anybody scoffs at me over what im about to say; just listen... The results of the x-ray showed I have 3 fractured vertebrae of an "indeterminate age". So, I've been walking around with a broken back for who knows how many years now. Yet I didn't experience loss of motor function, disorientation, balance issues, or limb numbness; but went through a back breaking event at some point.
Thankfully the fractures have healed, but it doesn't rule out the fact I could have vertebrae that could be pinching thensoft tissue of my spinal column. Im getting scheduled to have a Thoracic Spinal MRI done to determine if my spinal column is compromised.
Applicable treatment as stands is likely going to be physical therapy, posture correction/ training, and core strengthening. Im just taking this one day at a time; I'm glad to.atleast.have another part of the answer now.

Chonk'boi'fops, over n out

Finally making progress with figuring out what's up with my seizures. Been talking things over with my neurologist and had been reporting to.here I was experiencing mid-back pain that would coincide with my seizures. So she cleared a Thoracic Spinal X-ray for me to do.
Now before anybody scoffs at me over what im about to say; just listen... The results of the x-ray showed I have 3 fractured vertebrae of an "indeterminate age". So, I've been walking around with a broken back for who knows how many years now. Yet I didn't experience loss of motor function, disorientation, balance issues, or limb numbness; but went through a back breaking event at some point.
Thankfully the fractures have healed, but it doesn't rule out the fact I could have vertebrae that could be pinching thensoft tissue of my spinal column. Im getting scheduled to have a Thoracic Spinal MRI done to determine if my spinal column is compromised.
Applicable treatment as stands is likely going to be physical therapy, posture correction/ training, and core strengthening. Im just taking this one day at a time; I'm glad to.atleast.have another part of the answer now.

Chonk'boi'fops, over n out

Well, still here but haven't posted any new art... 😂😭😂 buuut oh well. Been experimenting with some toony art styles; specifically the styles of the shows "Bluey" and "Jelly stone". Never done toony things but its good and simple stuff (not to mention the content of both shows helps a lot wit de-stressing.
Anyways back to my whole " seizure disorder " deal; I've got a sleep study scheduled here in the next week that'll determine if its epileptic triggered seizures or if its a weird sleep disorder.

Stay healthy and stay safe everybody

I'm still here, just not super active with art still. Irl related things have been making it difficult for me to even have the drive to be doing stuff. It's either too hot and I'm heat fatigued, or its my stupid seizures that make me dazed for the rest of the day.
Regardless, I want to try doing more artwork since there are people out there that do appreciate it.

Thought I had my password right but apparently not. YIPPIE INFO RESET! :D

Well, decided it's time for another update journal. Been doing fairly well, had a grandfather pass away at the start of this month so it was a bit difficult. Still don't have a job or insurance, but Good RX has been helping me with medication discounts so I'm not having to shell out a few hundred bucks for my refills. My seizures are in a steady frequency decline so that's a big plus as well.
I'm other news; i recently binge watched the anime "Beastars" and oh mah God need season 2!!!! also got me wanting to draw in a bit more of an anime-ish style as well, as well as fine tuning my drawing skills more, hah.

Well, been quite the roller coaster so far to say in the least. I officially no longer have health insurance covereage, and due to misleading factors given by health care providers/ distributors, I'm not even sure I "have the rights" to claim coverage without a job/ place of employment helping me out. I've got roughly 50days of my anti-seizure medication remaining, so I need to get something rolling real quick. I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to buy my meds just on doing art commissions (mostly because I'm slow as all get out with drawing), so yea; priorities lol.
In other news, I'm going to attempt doing at least one sketch per week and putting it up on here. That is, after I reset account information because I forgot my PW and I can't get on my FA on a PC 😂 been writing these journals from an Amazon fire 7 tablet.
Hope everybody's 2020 has been going well so far, see y'all around.

Welp, pardon that last journal; was just being a bitchy bitch.
In other news, 26th bday was today so I'm now older (yaaay). Now just to revise my lazy ads and actual start doing things again, including artwork and getting myself a job. 2020 resolution I suppose, good thing I got 20/20 vision *finger guns and sunglasses*

Yep, you saw it here first ladies and gents. IRL financial pressures are kicking me in the ass, art commissions are maybe pulling in 300USD a year for me (if that..). I've literally been sitting and spinning into an increasingly shitty living environment with a father that is excessively jealous of my creative skills (not pertaining to furry stuff but just art in general). Been experiencing 7 solid years of 0 employment and verbal abuse every day, 3 years of having seizures during my sleep (plus insurance coverage that's dropping me and I have no way to pick myself up onto another form of insurance so I can get my antiseizure meds...). Not feeling like I'm fulfilling anything besides ruining myself and turning out what little art shit I squeeze out. My work ethic is trash and I fucking hate myself. Religious psycho-bable isn't helping either, other family members expecting me to be married and have kids but I dont.
So yea... DIsassociating myself from things I enjoyed as a teenager/ young adult. Realizing im not an artist and that I'm a literal pile of shit that migrant deserve anything. Honestly doubt anybody is going to respond to this journal anyways so I'm just going to slip off into the background and likely not come back.
Bye...

Well, over the last few years I've been on a steady decline mentally. Unfortunately had a bit of a mental break happen due to my father telling me to go and do a little task every five minutes while I was trying to rrelax. Ended up slamming the lid on my laptop a bit too hard and busted the screen. it's semi new so I can't replace the acreen, was a little cheapo notebook laptop anyways.
Thankfully I can get the dang thing to display on my monitor via HDMI, but it's also got other structural issues like missing keys, partially broken hinge, stuff like that.
For those of you who see this as a sob story, well, your entitled to seeing that. But for anybody else that wants to help me out, it's be greatly appreciated.
I know my friends circle is small but it's worth a try.

Donations can be sent via my paypal; stealthsp4[at]gmail.com

I feel like a total shit head for asking this, and honestly doubt I'll get much of a response back. Cheers anyways.

Yep, I am, lol. So sorry I've been dark for as long as I have. After having set backs with my drawing hardware, I lost a whole lot of motivation. My Intuos 3 has been doing a very awful line jitter, then ontop of that, my new PC doesn't recognize it as a device even. Forcing me to use it on my notebook laptop. So, I need to work towards getting a replacement stylus for my Intuos 4... its been down for far too long and was honestly a MUCH better platform to work on than an Intuos 3. I just need to find where to purchase a new stylus without risking an arm and a leg.
For the time being though, I'm going to be trying to use my Intuos 3 for doing warm-up sketch dumps or whatever be it, even if its just a single sketch. I gotta get my drawing skills brushed off.

Henlo watchers and other individuals reading this journal, I'm back... well... kinda. Live has been all over the place for me, having to come to grips that I've got some pretty nasty mental health issues in addition to my neuological problems. Thankfully neither one of them have taken away my cognitive abilities or memory so I'm thankful for that.

Now, I know that my punctuality with my commissions is... well... sub-par. Self doubt and horrible motivation due to the environment I've been living in for the last 6 years have made it quite a challenge for me to pick up my stylus and draw fetishy furry art. So I plan on expanding into doing more simple, cutesy sketches and the like just to broaden my artistic skills instead of just drawing naked hyper-fats all the time. Ofcourse, I'll still be doing hyper-fats and fetish work (and my ancient commission list bwagh).

Hopefully 'll have something here to post in the next week or so. Need to do warm up sketches to get my style back under me.

Just thought I'd write out a quick journal just to remind all my watcher fluffs that I'm not dead.
At a point with my art where i start sketches and space them off because i dont save my furry stuff to my pc harddrive. All circumstantial stuff thats just dumb and bad habits of mine.
On an up note though, my artistic confidence is inching up juuuust a liiiitle bit and I feel like im starting to get a bit more structure behind my artwork. Now just to keep at it well enough to maintain quality for the commissions list i've had sitting around for years, bwuh.

welp, just turned 23.
hopefully ill have a mellow day today. too darn cold outside to do stuff anyways. so ill just end up laying around eating cake probably haha.
i think my 23 year old hide deserves some massages after being so heavily fattened~

welp, yet another year come and gone. still being a lazy butt. Been going through bouts of artblock, mostly caused by the environment im living in but eh, im trying to still push through.

Ugh... I'm such a lazy fox...
Not that I'm using that as an excuse... but I am.
But in all seriousness, I need to confess that I cant necessarily work on my furry art content all the time. I'm usually only able to work on it during the night time seeing as its fetishy smut stuff and the last thing I need to have happen is having my mother or father peer over my shoulder and ask me what I'm doing, lmao.
Then I'm undergoing other stressers from bills that I cant pay and keep flubbing up in my job search, so its a bit of a viscious cycle thats happening and i really need to make it stop instead of using the evening/ night hours as my "unwind time" instead of "DRAW ART".

Just thought it was about time I said something. Really do appreciate the fact everybody is being as patient as they are.

so, as you may all know I made a telegram almost a year ago. but due to some weird technical hiccup that occured, I cant log i on the darn thing :/ so for those of you whom have my telegram, i may be making a new one if I dont end up hearing back from telegram support within the next week -3-;
boy chat clients can be headaches sometimes.