https://www.weasyl.com/profile/bluenire
http://blueniretheshire.deviantart.com/
http://nireblue.tumblr.com/

I'll try to be the most active on Weasyl, second most active on Tumbler, and third DA.

Why?

Well...

I wrote a journal and...most of you read it, I think.
I also posted it on my main account ( which was disabled.) so you can't find the comment in question but...

I don't like being told that I have no right to be here-(if I don't ONLY talk about positive, furry-related subject matters.)
Even if it was only one person who said that...

I've also been browsing FA and reading all the responses to what's going on and...
I've been gathering information about everything and...

A part of me regretted splitting my accounts into a business and personal because my art IS personal, all of it.
So I just hid in my personal account and never logged into my main one.
Plus, I like doing a very small amount of commissions at a time...

I'm going to keep this account up (for now) to help me keep in contact with the commissioners I'm currently working with.

I truly adore many of you very much, there are soo many good and wonderful and kind and amazing people here.

I just always wish you the best in all things. May happiness find you when you need it most and your bad times help you get to where you need to be.

Love,

Erin: formally known as: BlueNire

NOT SAFE FOR WORK!
MATURE CONTENT ONLY!
SCARY/Bloody PARTS TOO!!

There’s lots of boobs and peni’ and it’s really kinda sexual in bits..(in the beginning)
Lots of bewbies.

Old paintings that have been animated.
In our modern era where we’re so used to moving images, we look at the old paintings and kinda…don’t see the impact that they truly had on the population at the time.

I personally find this video really just….beautiful, terrifying, powerful and visceral..and…wow…

Gives me new appreciation for these old paintings.

Yeah..boobs sexy, peni’, some blood and gore and yeah!

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=696_1389965460

Didn’t know renaissance paintings were so freakin’ metal, didja?

In a way...I am actually kinda super proud that most of the artists I watch are in support, or are leaving.
That means that I adore lots of really good people, in my mind.

I understand though that FA has the larger audience, so some artists just can't afford to leave.
Others are supporting the ones that are leaving but can't/won't leave themselves for other reasons that are hard to articulate...


I know others are belittling the situation by calling it "fa drama" but...what they need to understand is...

Everyone's battle or mountain/molehill is different.

Some people take up arms for issues that another person just....doesn't understand why it's such an issue.
It's not because they're necessarily a bad person (-even though it may feel like that from the perspective of the person going to arms..-).
If the subject isn't related to them, or they've never experienced the problem then....they...have no way to wrap their minds around it.

For instance..

Body shaming. That's my fight. If someone starts talking about that kinda stuff around me I go from my usual shy self into flight or fight mode. I don't mean to...but that's MY fight. That's the subject that makes me go to war and I feel very strongly about it.

I've lashed out at people before who honestly just .....they don't have any grasp or concept as to why it's important to me. They don't know why saying " Should you be eating that?" sends me into a fury- heck, they think they're helping. HELPING! They think body-shaming HELPS.

That's because it's not THEIR fighting word. Y'know? Does this make sense? Is this making sense? I'm trying to explain it.


You might have another "go to war" word/subject that's different from mine.

(Actually...the subject for why people are leaving is ALSO one of my "them's fightin' words-subjects"...but there are people staying due to reasons above, and I do want to support artists who just CAN'T leave.)


I am...not sure what to do, to be honest.
I am torn for reasons I can't articulate. Maybe because I feel like I just made a little personal account, with which I've been rolling around in both joyously and therapeutically and I'm afraid to lose this incredible comfort zone...

I realize I don't have any excuses.
I'm not tied financially down by this place.. (I am a "little" artist. Meaning I only take very few commissions at a time...and no where near enough to supplement an income...)There are, however, artists that are staying (for reasons stated above) and I really enjoy their artwork...so..I don't want to NOT see their artwork, and support them...

BUT

When the subject matter is one of my "go to war" subject matters....I feel obligated to leave.
Like...

I'd feel very ashamed if I didn't leave. "How dare I not leave! It's a good reason! Your friends are leaving! You'd be going into fight mode if someone was talking about it in person!"

Course, I know that doing anything because you're feeling "guilt-tripped" is never a good idea EITHER.
I'm not sure if that's the feeling that I'm feeling or not yet. I have to figure that out.

So I don't know what to do at this point.

I'd like to say that , just because you find out your school principal is a terrible criminal, doesn't mean that you should abandon all your schoolmates... that's probably a terrible metaphor....

Would......would you guys follow me if I permanently went to Weasyl or DA? ( I already have accounts there but, y'know..)

(DA scares me tho.. They suspended my old account YEARS ago(for erect penis). Mind you, I DID do it on purpose because I was tired of all the glistening vagina (not that I don't like glistening vagina) but it seemed really unfair that aroused ladies were fine but OH NO PENIS. I'm a IF YOU SHOW ONE SET OF GLORIOUS GENITALS THEN SHOW THEM ALL!..okay..sorry soapbox.... I'm an equal opportunity genital-ist. ::nods sagely::)


I'd love to get your thoughts and opinions on all this but I realize that the admins are getting people in trouble and I don't want any of you to get into trouble.

I guess this is my fight anyway.
I have to think about it.

I'll let you know.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12257740/


>.>

I am a bit shy about it...

... Get it where you can see it.


::nods firmly::



I have a giant blue wolf on my back and I literally constantly forget I have it.

I'll be talking to someone about tattoos and I'll be looking at theirs, and I'll be very giddy and fan-girly about it and suddenly sport out

" Oh geez, I could NEVER do that! I bet it hurt like hell!! GOSH!! YOUZ IZ AMAZING FOR GETTING ONE! OHMUHGOSH"

Then they stare at me....and stare at me..

"Nire...You have a giant, 10 inch one on your back."


Me- ::derp face::...::blink::.....::blink blink::....::blinkblinkblinkblink:: ...::meanwhile the hamster that's in the wheel in my head is so slow and chubby he's close to having a cardiac arrest:: .....O.O


Me- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!



Also, I wish it was a horse.
I don't regret it-because I got it simply because I didn't think I was strong enough TO get it. And I was. Which surprised me. Which is good.

One day, I'm going to have a giant draft horse somewhere.
I'm thinkin' a sleeve.

BUT SOMEWHERE I CAN SEE IT!


::nods::







.......P.S. Although, while thinking of tattoos, I TOTALLY JUST REMEMBERED that I have a ring tattoo, too.

Maybe I'm just senile! LOL!! :isadork:

But I'm not sure what and I'm really sick right now and drawing has been like pulling teeth lately and...


You guys are just so wonderful and understanding and I just get overwhelmed with gratitude and I just don't know what to do to show it...

I WANT(NEED!) to do lots of gift art but...(teeth-pulling) and...I am literally a pile of congestion at the moment..ugh..




I just don't know what to say.


I really don't think I'd still be here if it weren't for all the advice and wonderful things you've all done for me.

*gurgles, flails and sighs*

<3

P.S.
I get really lovey when I'm sick which is weird...

To kinda help expliain the things I'm going to be talking about, here's a really wonderful little diagram


Okay. Please understand that this is really hard stuff for me to talk about and admit to.
I will ABSOLUTELY NOT be posting this journal on my regular account, and I wish I could make this journal so that only specific people can read it, but oh well.

PLEASE understand the magnitude of my open admittance of these things by knowing that a lot of these things I won't even admit to immediate family and even to those that I love. :( I won't, I can't. They will not/cannot understand and that would hurt.

However, FA feels....like a really accepting little family and baby steps are good, yes?


My info:

Gender Identity:
In my brain, I want to be non-gendered.
I've had few discussions where I've been explained that my shy/loving/fearful nature SHOULDN'T to be associated strictly to "female-ness."
I have met some very sweet, shy, kind, and loving men, so..
And I don't like the thought that only men can be attributed to being strong, aggressive, etc...
If I am to assume (hope desperately) that this is true, I want to be a genderless being.


Gender Expression:
I express myself as a female ONLY to avoid conflict and avoid drawing weird attention to myself.
I'm growing out my hair because the compliments keep rolling in, even though I WANT my short hair back.

Right now I have the style of a plain, 50 year old woman. (Shawls and plain-colored, loose shirts and pants.)

If I were more comfortable being myself I'm sure I'd be all over the place. I love vests, suits, kilts, long dresses, ties, painting my nails, hating make-up...etc....Which might make me gender-fluid? Although I love the idea of being androgynous....so there's some confusion there.

Biological Sex:
I am female. Very, female. (big boobs and butt and thighs..), very tiny hand and feet.. yeck... :(
I'd remove my breasts if I could.
Interestingly enough I don't mind my...lower female bits. They're compact and non-intrusive.
Do I LIKE my lower lady bits? No...,,do I like having tools to feel pleasure though? Absolutely.
I'd also love to have nice strong shoulders and arms.....hmm....
I's also like to be thin to help with the androgyny.. ( I know this sounds terrible, but seriously. Look up androgyny on tumblr or google and everyone's thin. :( )

Preferred Gender Pronoun(s):
Any really. I don't really have a strong feeling or opinion about this.
Although it would be really neat for me to hear "shi" but I'm not sure why?
Does hearing myself being referred to as a woman/female make me wince sometimes?
Yes. BUT I feel that is more about being ingrained and indoctrinated with my fathers misogyny, than anything else.


Attraction:
First and foremost- I am attracted to personality/love, and whether they are attracted to me/capable of being attracted to me.
I am not one to really crush on a particular body-type or gender.
My ideals for my own body and my own looks are restricted only to myself.
I have to emphasize the whole mutual=attraction thing is huge with me though...

Ex: If I see a picture of a really "hot" fit girl/guy- the strength of my attraction will vary depending on the info about that person I get.
If the guy is gay=no attraction whatsoever. If the girl is straight=no attraction whatsoever. Weird huh?
Say....if I find a person who is totally into BBW's ( I am fat lol), I will prolly be very attracted to that person. XD
Hope that makes sense!


These are delicate issues and many people feel very passionate about it.
Realize that it is of course a right to disagree, have your own opinions, but if a person truly feels the way they feel, there isn't really anything you can do about it.

Thank you,
Take care



P.S.
Will this ever possibly influence me to change Nire the Shires gender design?

I.......,,I am not confident enough, and I worry to much at this point to do anything out of the norm...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jUG1PfmmTA#t=99


oh...oh god I ...............I can't stop laughing I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! I WANT HER TO SING ALL THE SONGS!

No, you don't understand, I find this hilariiiooouuussss..... http://briannacherrygarcia.devianta.....ptor-424282782

XD

I did that at work yesterday.

I don't feel like I have a lot in common any of the people I know irl. (Especially women! I have absolutely NOTHING in common with the women I know in person. I often just resort to getting them to talk about their children and that lasts for a long while, but it doesn't work sometimes.)

So, I often ask people to talk about themselves in general and if that doesn't work, I try to start a conversation about something I know about, or I'm learning about like animals, coffee, crochet or some-other-interests-of-mine and I tend to get a lot of blank stares.

Mind you, the guys I worked with yesterday are VERY tolerant, good and kind people (one being my husband), so their blank stare is often followed by a soft awkward smile of their own. They may say some nice words like " Yeah, Nire...that's ...really interesting! ..heh". Then they look desperately at each other, as if begging for someone else to know how to respond or elaborate but they just don't have the same interests. Which is totally not their fault.

Or I listen to them talk for a good while and when I try to add in a comment, I often somehow just totally derail their conversation!

So the awkward pauses just balloons out of control (in my mind) and I just shrivel up and..

I cry, I feel so awkward, I cry.

It's terribly embarrassing.

Strange thing is that I really, really, really, really like people (nice people, of course). I love talking to them and hearing about them and learning about them. I am absolutely terrified of people, and of rejection but I love them too, it's so strange!

Anyone else feel like this sometimes?
How do you combat something like this?

(I know this is most likely my Avoidant Personality Disorder playing games with my head, but maybe normal people do this too?)

How did you meet your best friend(s)?
Did you find them online? Did you go to events that are about your interests?
How do you find people with similar interests? Is there a website somewhere where you can find friends?

Thank you for your time!
Sincerely,
Nire

I do not endorse breeding animals to the point to where they can't function very well but..( I DO endorse adopting animals with special needs if you can afford their care..)

Here you go anyway.

Yes, I watched/listened to the whole thing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuHZSbPJhaY#t=89

I found it weirdly therapeutic..

We have our power back!

I tell you what, it was an adventure and CRAZY! Our apartment is wired WEIRD! Everything is BACKWARDS and one single normal looking outlet was what had blacked out most of our house! We replaced it out of a whim and BAM! Let there be light! My husband and I just looked at each other when everything turned on and started laughing maniacally in a " omg are you sh-tting me?!" kinda way.


Also weird this year, the wonderful was kind enough to send me a badge artwork she did and when I got the envelope, it was all pre-opened and the artwork gone! WHO WOULD DO THIS?! IT WAS A HORSE WITH A WEIRD NAME ON IT! Why would you steal that?!

Also we had 2 gift-cards stolen out of our christmas letters this year, which is really super sad.....(but from the thieves point of view makes way more sense to steal vs Kipcha's artwork!) They were valued at a total of $250...which would have been really nice ( -since we have to replace our portable washer.)

We've never had this happen before....so...

YEAH! Weird string of bad luck conveniently condensed into this christmas!

Honestly, I'm not mad/sad anymore.
I'm not.
This has all been so weird, I'm actually really impressed.

Oh well, I hope your Holidays were alright!
I'm happy to have my computer back again and I can get going on some commissions I have...

Please take care, I send my love to your guys!

Be safe!

Love, Nire

P.S. If you send out gift cards to your friends and family, I'd recommend shipping them out in little gift boxes instead of cards!

Mine is ALL OVER the g-damned place!! hahaha

http://nyti.ms/1l5Dai8

Have fun!! Feel free to post to me what you got!!

Question: If your weight/body type changed, would you have your sona reflect that?

Just curious!

Also, if your self perception of your gender changed, would you also make your sona reflect that?

^.^

I know there are peeps who like to keep their sona's looking like themselves, while others prefer their sona to reflect their own preferences. :)


I'm just asking because, I might actually have to make this decision at some point and I want to give it a lot of thought, as well as your thoughts!


Thank you, as always, for you wonderful time and replies!

<3

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it!!

Course, I'm a huge hobbit/tolkien nerd.....and if anyone was wondering, this one is ALL ACTION ALL DA' TIME!
Elves are TOTALLY OP, btw. Holy sh%t!

Also, I can't get over how handsome/beautiful Smaug's design was! Not to mention Benedict Cumberbatch's voice- whoooooooa-mamasita! *fans self* HOT!

....Also, is it just me or does Martin Freeman just keep getting sassier? XD I love it though.

In case you might have wondered, my favorite Dwarves are Balin and Bofur.

Kay.

I'm done geekin' out!

LOVES IT! IT"S MY PRECCCIOUUUSSS!