Back to school tomorrow. :( Ughhh.

Well, when I get my camera fixed (t died at Disney Dx) I will make sure to put up more of my drawings! :) I've been busy while working on some of my own manga-styled stories, so I haven't gotten the time!

I found out today I'll have a summer job babysitting, and I'll be making 200 dollars a week! The trouble, is that I'd be watching 2 kids under the age of 6 from 7:30am to 4:00pm. x__X But, the kids are really nice, and seem very well behaved. The one girl even hugs me like every Sunday after church! It shouldn't be that bad.. Sure, I'll be sacrificing some major sleep time, but it'll be worth it.

Things are getting better. :)

I'm leaving tomorrow with the band and choir, and won't be coming home till Sunday in the late afternoon.
I'm SUPPPPER excited considering this is my first time going down to Disney..
and..the idea that I'm madly in love with Disney.
;]]

One thing I'm bummed about is the day we are marching in the parade it's supposed to rain a lot.. -___-;
Like..of all the days, right?
Dx


Well, I need to continue to pack!

:DDD Bye everyone!

:) I knew they would..but it's nice to see it actually happening now..

I'm excited for next week. I'm going to Disneyworld with the band! We're gonna be in a parade! xD
I wish I could just pack my bags now, and go tomorrow.

I hate disappointing people..I really do..but what if I'm disappointing myself above all? What do I do then?

I seriously need you here right now..I need you to help me, because I really do trust you more than I thought I did. Maybe it's because you're older..or maybe because no matter how hard I don't want to admit I really do..like you so much. I just want you to help me because I feel like you care more than any other person I've told my problems to..

I wish you could come over right now..and just let me be that helpless girl I never show anyone else. Let me cry in your embrace..and have you tell me what to do.

This is going to be a long journal and I will literally be very DESCRIPTIVE. Warning.

Nothing good has really happened at all this week..I didn't get to see him, and I don't know..maybe now I'm realizing how much of great guy he really has been, and is continuing to be towards me..I'm such an idiot to let it all go though..I really, and truly am.

Track is mandatory starting next week..I had a serious conversation with my track coaches today..and basically they took me on the biggest guilt trip I've ever had in my life..It started out with my talking to the assistant coach, who is much nicer and not as agressive as my main coach. He basically said this: "It wouldn't be the same without you here, Koz. We need you..Scava needs you."
I kinda brushed that idea out of my head..they don't need me. I have no friends in track this year..all my friends quit..so out of nowhere, my head coach comes, and so..he pulls me over..and we talk. This is how it goes for the most part. -Please..I honestly didn't remember every LAST thing he said..this is basically how I interpreted it.-

"..Scava.."
"Look at all these girls around you. Look at um, kay?"
"Kay.."
"You're going to let all of them down. They need you, and they're relying on you."
"I know."
"Koz..you're one of the top 5 runners, do you understand that?"
"...."
"I know you have a whole lifetime to work..but have fun in your life..you're going to have some awesome memories of track..and if you're already considering quitting for a job, you probably won't be here next year."
"Yeah.."
"You have God-given talent..so use it. Stay here. I mean..no matter what you do, I'll always be there for you, I'll be behind you, but I want you here..and I think you want to be here."

I literally wanted to cry..I wanted to hold unto him, because he made me feel so selfish..but..I nodded, and decided without thinking. I said:
"I'll stay."

I regret that..I really do...because now I'm committed to do track, with a bunch of girls who I really don't get along with.. If I end up getting a job, I'll still be in track..

I'm going to become the most stressful person in the world. I just know it..hell, it's already happening.



I'm done for now..I have to get ready for church..

I've had some pictures I've wanted to put up for a while, and finally did.
Sadly, I don't have a working scanner right now, so I had to take pictures of them. So, sorry that a lot of them are angled weird. -I have really bad shaky hands D;-

Hopefully, I'll put up some more later, and fix my scanner! D:<

Life just really sucks right now.

Christmas is almost here, it's so hard to believe. 2009 truly went by so fast!! There is like no snow outside, but it sure is freaking cold! I walked all over my woods today, and walked with the neighbors to Dollar General. D; I sure could use some Hot Chocolate right now. ;.;

I think after I go to the library, I'm going to draw more, and watch Brother bear. (:

My birthday was yesterday. As much as I was dreading it, my decorum was lifted when I woke up. At around 2, my mom and I went to see the movie The Princess and the Frog. It was a fantastic movie, and I will not stress the fact of how good it was. (:! After that, we went to other places, and yeah..kinda boring but it got me out of this hell-hole I call a home.

My brother's friend came around around 9, and surprised me with a Lunchable, and a beautiful necklace..No one has ever purchased me something so beautiful before. I know it's awkward now, but maybe one day, I can get out of this weird state, and just admit I like him. :)

Today, I bought the Princess and the Frog soundtrack. I feel an obsession coming on... ;) When my sister gets home, we will HOPEFULLY watch Oliver and Company.

People confuse the crap out of me..

Why do things always have to be so complicated?

Well, I just got back from the library. I'm pretty pissed off, because I saw Dumbo there, but last time I checked it out, it was ALL SCRATCHED UP. Leading to the conclusion, that I couldn't enjoy a Disney movie. D:< So, instead I got Fantasia..because, I lost my VHS of it. ^^; Go figure. My brother got the new COD at midnight! ;D <333 I'm in love all over again. o//3//o Though..I do like World at War better...But still! D:<